Introduction
From the time I was young, I knew I was different. I know what you are thinking "ooh she's unique and different just like everybody else. Wah wah wah!" but you'd be plagarizing George Carlin, so don't bother to think it. At any rate, I was blessed with a particularly awesome talent: giant breasts. Okay, a sense of humor and decent sized breasts. The jokes! The jokes! Moving on... So who the hell am I? I can't tell you my actual name because I am a "secret" federal agent, but for our purposes-- my name is... Anita Windsor.
No, dear reader, I am not lying-- I'm an undercover investigative federal agent working for the FBI. All that stuff you see on the X-files and Mission Impossible is utterly false. Here's the scoop-- the real agents are all seemingly ordinary individuals in all fields of work and social levels. For instance, Donald Trump is a much celebrated retired federal agent (and that was in addition to his multi-million dollar empire). This is how we get into the nitty-gritty of everyone's business-- by being everyone's kind of people. Very sly.
As you can imagine, my secret agent work is a 24 hour job and I seemingly blend into high society. But this is great part about my life-- I am also a "B-rated" celebrity actress (meaning I don't make the tabloids every week or have tons of blockbusters (yet!) but most people are able to recognize who I am). This is what makes my undercover job so much more exciting-- most people wouldn't ever suspect I was spying on them, or being "secretive." Many people let me do whatever I feel like and let me snoop wherever I please in the name of "artistic research." Show some cleavage and say "Oh sweetie darling! It's for a part!" and wham, I can Julia-Roberts my way into any place I want. People are suckers when it comes to well-know actresses and believe me, everyone wants a foot into the door of the entertainment world. This is why I get more high profile assignments over say... Marty the accountant. In short, my acting career warrants the greatest single disguise of all time and with my two jobs, I can afford some fabulous clothes and shoes. The best dressed celebs are usually the selected few who are versitile enough to do FBI work (which has no correlation to our story).
I'm sure you are now thinking "Well, this is nice... but why are you telling me this? Get on with the story!"
Chapter 1
I was jogging lightly across the lower west side of Central Park by my loft decked out in some sunglasses in the early morning fog (every celebrity wears sunglasses for no reason-- It's just fun). But of course, my sunglasses aren't just any old Calvin Kleins-- they have a built in visual display and cell abilities (basically I can see, recieve and send out visual messages... its great for when I need to show HQ (headquarters... yeah its lame) what I am seeing in the field or in this instance, when they give me a new assignment-- its the surest way to find me. I never go anywhere without my sunglasses).
* beep *
I slow to walk and make my way over to a park bench. I press the logo on the side of my glasses and pull out a faux-cell phone (I'd look weird talking to myself in public).
"Hey, what's up doc!" I say as if I am having a normal conversation. That's the very lame code to say that I am able to receive the transmission. Very lame. The transmission starts out with my immediate superior "Doc" (aka Dr. Josephson) (I have no idea whoelse is above him, or if there is... They keep secrets from us too). He's a tall man with greying hair, but very dashing and sharp green eyes. He's standing in his office and he looks directly at me and barks out "Anita. There is a man walking toward you right now, reading a comic book. Go to him and he has the details of your next assignment." Confused and somewhat offended that Doc was using an intermediary in delivering the assignment, I blurt out "Why can't you just tell me? I'm a big girl!"
He winces and starts with "He's your new partner, Anita. OH NO. I HAVE TO GO." He laughs as he looks around shiftily. I'm not amused.
"DOC! I've always done my work solo! I don't need anyone to tag along! I don't want a part--" (Doc suddenly stops the transmission). Pissed, I sigh audibly and shove the faux cell phone back in my cute over-priced purse (that I actually go jogging with, oh the HORRORS of celebrity life). My gaze is downward and someone near-by drops something startling me. I look up.
It's a man. A gorgeous mussed-up dark haired with dark familiar sunglasses and killer grin kind of man. "Oh hi, sorry to startle you.... I dropped my comic" he muses, bending down to pick it up in one graceful swoop. He begins to remove his sunglasses (to take a better look at me in my very obnoxiously tight exercising outfit, I assume). I blush slightly because I want to do the same and remove my sunglasses.
Stunned at the full sight of him without sunglasses, I blurt out "Jimmy Fallon?" as he blurts out "Anita Windsor?" at the same time.
"I can't believe..."
"Oh my god..."
and in unison we exclaim "We're partners?"
Chapter 2 [in Coffee shop]
I sip my drink slowly, trying my very best not to stare at him. He's my partner? He looks over his shoulder, waiting to see if there might be another spy who we knew.
"Look, Fallon," I say finally. He looks back at me, shocked I used his 'real name'. "I've never had a partner, and I don't need a partner now, so if you could just give me my damn assignment, I can get this over with." I blurt.
"Give you your assignment, Windsor?" he raises an eyebrow up at me. "Your supposed to give me mine." He says, sipping his coffee mischieviously.
"Oh no no no," I mutter, pressing my sunglass button and preparing to dial Doc.
"Wait," he says abruptly. "This won't be so bad, Windsor. If I can call you Windsor.. or what do you prefer?" he grins. He's slick.
"Vanessa," I say quickly, then pause. "Or V, whichever you prefer, Fallon..."
He stares at me, then gives a half smile, knowing that for the time being we would use fake names. "Chris. I guess that settles it, we're going to be--" An old couple walks by and stares at us suspiciously. The sunglasses, the hats, we must look like freaks. Jimmy looks back up at them. "Going out Friday night..." he says more loudly, trying to finish his sentence.
I sigh. Amateur partner. This is going to be oodles of fun, I think sarchastically then smirk to myself.
I put my black leather jacket back on, and pick up my coffee, getting out of the coffee shop without him, hearing him mutter something before I leave.
Chapter 3
CHAPTER 3---
[HQ]
�You wanted to speak to me, Doc?� I sit down in a chair in his office. The door to my left opens and Fallon walks in. �Hey, you didn�t say HE was going to be here!� �Nice to see you too,� he says with a wink. I roll my eyes. He sits next to me. �You wanted to see us, Sir?�
�Yes, indeed I did. Agents, I have your mission here in this folder.� He pulls a manila envelope out of a drawer in his desk and throws it at Fallon. I shoot �Chris� a dirty look. He smiles. �Are you going to open it?!� He carefully pulls a document out of the folder and begans studying it intensely. �No way!� �Lemme see that!� I grab it from him.
This is our mission? To make a movie? �Doc, I don�t understand. What�s so top secret about this?� �Yeah,� chimes Jimmy. �Well, the director is believed to be the head of El Abismo, a very well known sinister group of spies from Spain. Your mission is to prove he�s the head and bring him to justice before he can gather enough information to destroy the American cinema experience.�
�Bu-...� �The shoot begins Monday morning in Los Angeles. Your flight leaves Saturday night. Good luck agents. This meeting is over.�
Chapter 4 As Jimmy/Chris and I left Doc's office, my stomach started tingling. Was this possible? Could *I*, the one, the only, The Anita Windsor, star of the movie "Waiting", be nervous about working with someone like Jimmy Fallon, a mere TV star?
I glanced over at him, and bit my lip. Yes, yes I was nervous. A bit offended at Doc, but still... excited.
"Claire? Claire?" It was his voice, and he was looking at me, but who is Claire? Suddenly, it clicked. I am Claire, as well as any other name he decides to give me at the moment. I smiled inwardly, and replied "Yeah, Josh, I'm right here."
He grinned, and I knew that even though there would be competition between us for the limelight, this was going to be a blast.
"Jane!!" Jimmy said, and I glared at him.
"Yes?"
"Are you ever going to answer my question?"
Oh no, he had asked a question? I'd been daydreaming way too much lately! But hey, I can play it off. "No" I replied curtly.
He frowned. "Come on, seriously. We have a lot of work to get done." Whoa, Jimmy, getting down to business? I leaned forward, suddenly interested in what he had to say. Wait, we were in a coffee shop. When did we get here? We were just walking! Wow, I really had to stop drifting off.
"... That guy, Lopez. We gotta be careful around him, he could be dangerous. Now I want you to promise me", he pauses and looks me straight in the eyes, "Promise me, that we will look out for each other. A situation like this, it could easily turn deadly. So, promise." I softened up for a moment, almost put my defenses down, but when I realized what was happening, I quickly stiffened.
"Sure," I replied coolly. But from experience I knew that you never fully had a partner's trust until that trust was earned. I'd have to keep an eye on this Fallon guy, for a while, at least.
Chapter 5
Saturday has arrived. I�m sitting here, not so eagerly awaiting the boarding call for flight 74 to L.A. Fallon plops into a chair next to me and hands me a Nutri-grain bar. �Thanks, but I don�t like apple-cinnamon,� I say, as I forcefully place the bar against his chest. He catches it before it tumbles off onto the ground. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him glaring at me.
�You have the disposition of a rattlesnake, you know that?� he remarks.
�I like snakes,� I reply coldly.
�What is your problem? God, are you even going to give me a chance? Or should I go throw myself in front of a car right now and save you the trouble?�
�What the hell is *that* supposed to mean?�
�I don�t trust you,� he says irritatingly simply, as he takes a bite of his snack.
�What? Why?� I screech.
are you so surprised? The way you�ve been treating me leaves me with no other options, Ani-...Patricia.�
�The way *I�ve* been treating *you*?!�
�Jeez, where have you been? From the moment I walked up to you in Central Park, you�ve done nothing but harrass me and push me away from you. We can�t work together if you can�t learn to deal with that fact that at one time in our lives, we�re gonna need a partner to watch our back. This needs to be a team effort. Your cold-hearted bitch like behavior has led me to believe that if we�re in trouble, you�ll run away, leaving me to be eaten by the giant fly.�
�Flies don�t eat people, unless they�re corpses, but, even in that case, I�m sure you�re the *last* rotting decaying body that they�d consider devouring.� I can tell by his eyes that what I�d just said had really upset him.
His brow furrows and he nearly hisses at me,�Don�t you take *anything* seriously?�
I stare at him, seemingly shocked by his words,�Uh, Jack, You�re a comedian...why are *you* making this so grave?�
He�s calmed down a bit. �Because, I don�t want to screw this up. Okay, I may be a comedian, but that doesn�t mean I don�t have a earnest side to me. If you�d granted me a decent conversation, even once, you might know that.� For the first time, I look at him, admitting that...I�m jealous.
Chapter 6 [on board flight 74]
Seconds after Jimmy's speech, we were called to board the plane. I was thankful since I had no idea what to say back to him since my stunning insight into myself. I am jealous of him-- his warmth, his zeal.
I begin to wonder if my ice-cold reputation isn't just a legend, but a fact. It's just that years of hard undercover work while balancing my celebrity life and film work has never left room for much private social stuff. I can't even recall the last time I'd kissed someone I was actually dating-- and that it wasn't an on-screen or publicity thing. Let alone have a meaningful conversation.
I haven't had to be close to someone, while only being myself, in a long time. I'm jealous of how he's managed to retain an identity.
I look over at Jimmy in the next seat over. He had instantly snuggled himself into a blue airplane blanket and reclined his leather first-class chair, which in I think may have been an attempt to avoid me bitching at him. His eyes are closed, and his hair is tossled from his constant and unconscious raking with his hands, but I can tell by his pinched eyebrows that he's awake and brooding.
I sneak a glace behind me to catch two thin blonde slightly-aged stewardesses pointing toward me and Jimmy, whispering. Obviously my indoor sunglasses-wearing and Jimmy's rather handsome (now that I think about it) face reeked of celebrity trysting.
Suddenly I have a thought.
"Ji-- Joel! BILLY JOEL! I need to talk to you.. um... sweetheart" I blurt, unbuckling my seatbelt just as the sign is turned off.
Jimmy sighs and swivles his head. "You want to talk NOW. What? Of all the times to want to talk. I was just getting comfortable...Christie" his eyes lit up despite his grumbling.
"Yes... about the you know what... you know..." I say, motioning with my hands.
"oh the you know what! Right" he looked at me blankly. "Well, Nancy Drew, we can't talk about the you know what while here on the you know plane."
Stunned at myself since my only response to that is "Why do you look so delicious?" I stare back.
Chapter 7
[3 seconds later ... on board flight 74]
I whip off my sunglasses tucking them in the pouch in front of me, deactivating HQ's power to track what I am saying or hearing. I reach under Jimmy's blanket and fish around for his seatbelt. He jumps.
"whoa! hey!... well... keep going... to the left.." he bursts out, completely startled, slightly blushing. I unlatch the saftey belt, while standing up and pulling off his blanket. "Up!" I demand, clasping for his hand. He just gives a toothy grin and shrugs. I lead him down the aisle of the airplane to the lavoratory.
He slips an arm around me and whispers into my ear "You realize the entire plane is watching and thinking that we're.. well... about to you-know what... but the you-know-what that isn't your you-know-what."
"Exactly" I fling open the door and barge into the tiny tiny space, dragging him in. A few people sitting in the surronding seats audibly gasp as I slam the door. I'm practically in his lap as I feel around in my pocket for my radiowave scrambler and de-bugging device (it looks like a tube of lipstick-- I usually have it on, but I turned if off for the plane to take off).
"There, now we have privacy" I say. Jimmy clears his throat "Wait-- you don't want to you-know-what... the other you-know-what... um... right?" He's a tiny bit flustered. The space is so small that I am practically flush against his body, save for about a half an inch. Even over the funereal-smelling sanitizers, I can still smell how great he always smells.
"Uh-- no... we can join the mile high club... some other time" I stammer.
"So is this about earlier? We kinda got off to a rocky start... I know I shouldn't be so sour but you weren't even attempting to make this wor--"
"No. It's about our assignment." I interrupted. I frown realizing I'm being bitchy. I place my hand on his shoulder. "Well, and I need to apologize to you... but first- the case"
"Yeah?" he says softly. I remove my hand.
"Aren't you the least bit suspicious that Doc is sending two of his finest elite agents-- pairing them up-- to suddenly just make a movie and catch a bad guy? That story about some Spainish crime gang-- we could each easily do that alone..." I reason.
"Hmm" Jimmy's brow wrinkles, "I think you're on to something Windsor-- this is either a set-up or we're being distracted, pushed out of the area for some reason... there is something we aren't supposed to know"
I nod "And there is nothing we can do while stuck on a plane for another 5 hours... Whatever is going on-- it's happening now" I pause "We should contact Doc-- get out your cigarette lighter image transmitter" I reach to fish through his pockets.
Jimmy places his hands on my shoulders "Hey-- I know it's irrestible-- but paws off my crotch!" Startled, I giggle for the first time in probably years. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I feel my face turn red.
We sober up. Jimmy starts "We shouldn't contact HQ just yet-- you were right to de-activate the sunglasses. This might be an internal thing. The sooner they suspect we're on to them-- the less time we have to figure it all out." Up close I notice that he has a light spray of freckles across his cheeks and nose. It's very adorable and it hits me-- I want to kiss him.
The stewardess bangs on the door "Two people are NOT allowed in at once!"
He looks at me with a huge grin and sparkly eyes, "I'll handle this!"
Jimmy flings open the door, almost hitting her. "Oh sorry! ... Thank you for helping me with my insulin shot, honey" He wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek lightly. a passenger snickers.
To the entire plane he announces loudly "What? I'm a diabetic!!!!"
Chapter 8
Jimmy and I can�t help but laugh as we walk through L-A-X. �Did you see that lady with that hideous wig and the lipstick on her teeth?!� Jimmy exclaims. �Yeah! Her real hair was sticking out of it! And she had that huge pink chunk on her front tooth!� We laugh all the way to our limo.
Sitting in the limo, Jimmy reaches into his bag and pulls out a brochure. �So, where are we being housed again?� I ask.
�Summerfield Suites...in Torrance. Looks pretty nice.� I glance at the photos on the pamphlet.
�Oh, please! That place is ghetto, my friend.�
�It is not! Look! �This townhouse style property features a sports court, an outdoor swimming pool, whirlpool spa, three meeting rooms, a fitness facility and coin operated laundry facilities. In addition, registered guests will enjoy a complimentary breakfast buffet, a complimentary evening social hour Monday through Thursday and a local area restaurant delivery service...blah blah blah...These spacious suites feature fully equipped kitchens including stove, refrigerator, microwave and dishwasher. Each living room provides a cable television with premium channels and a video cassette player. Additional offerings in each suite include air conditioning, an alarm clock radio, ceiling fa-�...�
I cut him off. �It sounds like a retirement home to me, Fallon.�
He chuckles,"Geez, with your elegant taste, living with you is gonna be hell."
[10 minutes later]
�Oooo, look! We�re on the waterfront!� I laugh as he runs toward the beach.
�We don�t have time for this! You can piss in the water later, now get over here!� He pretends not to hear me and continues toward the ocean. �All right, fine! Be that way...but I refuse to carry your water-wings out to you. Too bad if you drown.� I roll my eyes and head into my home for the next few months.
I look around the place and come to the conclusion that it�ll do. As I am observing, I notice that there�s only one bedroom. �Fallon?� I call.
He runs in through the front door, his bags in tow. I turn to look at him with a puzzled expression on my face. �What is it? You look like you�ve seen a ghost.�
�Jim, there�s only one bedroom.�
�Looks like we�ll be joining that mile high club sooner than expected,� He grins.
Chapter 9
[5 seconds later]
Jimmy, bags in tow, follows me to the one lone bedroom, still grinning. Its hard not to crack a smile just seeing him hobble around with his lumpy suitcase, thrilled to be just alive.
He giggles "Mile low club!" as he kicks the unusually low california king size bed and sets his bags down, all while stepping out of his shoes and jumping up on the bed at breakneck speed.
"Fallon-- don't break the bed!" I say, wishing I could join in. Just a little.
"You know, you still owe me a proper apology." he smirks and winks, "Get up here." He lifts me under the arms and places me on the bed before I can answer. I just stand there trying not to laugh. Jimmy jumps harder. The bed suddenly lowers another 4 inches.
"You broke the bed" I look at him.
"Uh" he's still a little bit startled.
I sit down on top of the pillows, squashing what feels like an envelope. "What's that? MOOVE" he says sitting down next to me and pushing me aside. "Hmm, back off BED-BREAKER BOY, let me pull it out of my own ass!"
I rip it open and begin reading:
"Dear Senorita Anita and Senor James, I requested this particular townhouse suite for you, as it is a favorite retreat where I fell in love with Rosa all over again last year, ah my beloved wife. In your film contract you signed me the rights to decide where you stay in Los Angeles since my production company picking up the tab. I want you two to eat together, to sleep together, to be together, to love life together. You will be like a real lovers. The movie is a love story based on my own love affair. I don't want just mere ACTING! I want MAGIC! You MUST love the arrangement or I replace you both! Mucho Love my beauties, Eduardo Consuella, Presidente El Abismo Productions"
I blink and stare at Jimmy. "Is this for real?" I ask, Jimmy shrugs and ruffles his hair. "This guy is the head of some nasty Spanish gang? he's ... crazy... Doc handled all the paperwork so I didn't read the full contract or even see the SCRIPT" I continue. "bad guy or not-- this is weird! WEIRD! Whatelse do you think he's hidden in the room?"
"whoa whoa... a love story?" Jimmy raised his eyebrows. "Doc told me it was an 'adventure' film"
"WHEN?" I demand "I haven't been able to get ahold of him!" Jimmy laughs "For a reason! But yeah, it was right before we had that little tiff at La Guardia airport. We ought to check in with him now" Jimmy made a face at me and his eyes darted to the paper pad on the night stand. He wrote: "Let's check the place for bugs and taps. Then we'll work on trying to get ahold of Doc and dig for more information on this assignment-- and why we've been cleared out of the way. PS I like your shirt" He crumpled it up and stuck it into his pocket.
"What?" I frowned. "what about my shirt?" It was a little bit lowcut and the AC was on-- but I'm an actress and actresses have to wear slutty clothes. "Just seeing if you were reading" he whispers, dangerously close to me.... and on a bed. The only thing I could think of was him saying "mile high club" over and over again, and him peeling of his own shirt and maybe mine. I blink rapidly as he stands up and opens the closet.
"Holy--- Oh my... what the devil?" he says, apparently shocked. "Anita-- come here... you won't even believe this" I start walking over to him. "Catch!" Jimmy bellows, throwing what looks to be a rolled up newpaper at me. I catch it but it wiggles out of my hand.
Vibrating uncontrollably on the floor is a giant sex toy. I feel the blood rush to my face. "The closet is FULL of this stuff!" Jimmy exclaims, half-horrified and half-laughing at my expression. "Mile high club! yeah!"
�
Chapter 10
Jimmy, a goofy grin still on his soft face, continued rumaging in the closet. I flip through the channels, noticing nothing but porn was really on, although I expected it, seeing as how in the note, our perverted director had managed to include that he wanted real sparks.
I couldn't help but smile as the giddy Jimmy pranced around the suite, indulged by the little things.
"Jimmy, come on!" I laughed as he came back to the room, a sex toy in hand."I wonder how this one works..." He chuckled, looking over at me.
"God, this director is one sick freak..." I muttered, motioning to the things on TV.
"Oh, come on, Anita.. like you aren't used to sick things like this.." Jimmy said, a smile on his face. "I've seen that movie with Keanu Reeves you did.."
I felt something leap up into my throat as he mentioned the softcore film I had done with Keanu Reeves awhile back. I looked over at him. "You saw that?!"
His face flushed. "Yeah..."
I laughed, getting off the rather comfy bed to walk over to him. "What else have you seen of mine, Jimmy?" I grinned.
He backed up slowly. "Just a couple of things, not too many..." He said, his eyes almost changing into another shade of brown, which was proof that he was lying.
"Uh oh.. I think Mr.Sex Toy likes the way I act..." I teased.
He lightly blushed as he thought of something to say. I was in control now. I continued stepping closer, until his back was against the wall and our noses nearly touched. My chest, now touching his, moved in and out as I nuzzed his neck.
I felt his warm breath on me, as if he was nervous. "Should we be doing this?" he asked uneasily. Instead of answering, I began to kiss his neck.
It was now that I woke up, Jimmy on the left side of the bed, quite comfortable in his boxers, and me, on the right side, sweaty, and.. how should I put this... horny.
