Chapter 1
Summer vacation. It’s amazing how those two little
words can cause so much joy. For me, 22 year old UC
Berkeley Junior Alexandra Forester, this meant that
the long awaited trip to New York City had finally
arrived. I ’d been planning it since the previous
fall. It was going to be an experience to remember.
It was just that and unexpectedly, yet pleasantly
more.
I arrived in the Big Apple on a warm, bright, sunny
July day. I settled into my sister Stephanie’s
apartment. I was to stay in the city for one entire
month. A month to be filled with shopping, eating,
visiting, entertainment, and surprisingly, romance.
Had I known that I would experience both love and
heartbreak within a period of approximately 31 days,
it is doubtful that I would have gone. The first
couple of days turned out to be a bore, causing me to
think that my vacation could have been better spent at
home in my dorm. Then, I met Chris.
* * * * * *
"I swear, this place can make a person
claustrophobic," I remarked to my sister as we walked
down 49th street on a brilliant Saturday. "Don’t be
so pessimistic, Al. New Yahk City is the most
wonderful city in the world. Where else is there a
hot dog stand on every corner?" replied Stephanie.
"New Yahk," I mimicked. "Ugh, I know! Pretty soon
I’ll be talking just like Colin Quinn." "Speaking of
him, well, not really but, it’s too bad that I didn’t
come during spring." "Why do you say that?" "Well,
I’ve always wanted to see an SNL taping." "Saturday
Night Live?! Al, you’d come all the way from
California just to see that? Come on! There is so
much more here."
"Stephanie, SNL is actually a part of New York’s
culture and history. The show has been around for
over a quarter of a century. They do it live every
week. They write their own sketches. It’s a marvel
in its own right." "Hey, don’t you have a thing for
that one dude? What’s his name? He’s that short
little guy." "That little guy is Chris Kattan,
Stephie." "Oh yeah! I’ve seen him a couple of times
in the coffee shop by my apartment." I stopped dead
in my tracks and forced my sister to do the same by
taking hold of her arm. "Stephie, don’t tell me he
lives near you!" "I don’t know. He must, considering
that I’ve seen him like four or five times. Of
course, he could just like the coffee there."
"You’re shitting me! Why haven’t you ever told me
about this?" I whined. "It never crossed my mind.
Why aren’t we walking?" answered Stephanie as she
continued on down the sidewalk. "Have you ever talked
to him?" my eyes widened. "No. Alexandra, why don’t
we go there tomorrow and see if he’s enjoying a cup of
Joe? That way your curiosity will be satisfied, and
you’ll stop pestering me with questions about him."
"Seriously? You won’t back out on me will you?" "You
are the most paranoid, untrusting individual I’ve ever
met. Of course I’m serious, and of course I won’t
back out on you. Now, can we please talk about
something else?" "Sure," I smiled.
Chapter 2
"How do I look?" I asked, sounding too much like the
typical narcissistic young woman. "You do realize
that we are just going to a coffee shop, right?"
"Stephanie! This isn’t just any coffee shop. This
coffee shop has been visited by Chris Kattan!"
Stephanie rolled her eyes. "All right, Al. You look
fine." "Fine? That’s all?" "What do you want me to
say?" "That I look like someone who Chris would fall
head over heels for." "Well, I can’t say that until I
tell you to put your hair down. If your forehead was
stretched any further, you could pass for Joan Rivers
herself."
I walked into the bathroom and tugged at the rubber
band that held my rather thick black hair in a
ponytail. My straight as a board locks instantly fell
sloppily onto my shoulders. I brushed it out to get
rid of the crease from the ponytail and headed into
the living room, ready to see the man of my dreams.
"Should I change my shirt? It doesn’t match with my
jeans does it?" "Dee, you’re wearing jeans!
Everything matches with jeans! Just shut up and let’s
go!" "Okay, okay." We grabbed our purses and exited
the apartment.
Stephanie held the door to the coffee shop open for
me "Thanks." "No prob., Bob." I scanned the room,
looking for Chris. There was no sign of him, and I
sighed. I ordered a tall mocha simply because it was
the plainest item on the menu. After Stephanie and I
had settled at a table, I glanced at the door just in
time to see a handsome, rather short man walk in. He
wore stonewashed blue jeans, a charcoal gray t-shirt,
a navy blue Yankee’s cap, and dark gray wrap around
sunglasses. Upon his feet he donned slightly worn
Nike tennis shoes. His intoxicating character
immediately enraptured me. I studied his every
move---taking off his sunglasses, pulling his wallet
out of his back pocket, memorizing the menu---and was
unaware that I was gawking at him until he casually
glanced in my direction, then furrowed his brow
slightly and produced a faint smirk.
I could feel my cheeks turn a dark shade of red;
perhaps it was crimson. The object of my affection
noticed this and chuckled thoughtfully.
I hid my face
in my arms like a frightened puppy retreats under a
bed. "What the hell is your problem?" asked
Stephanie. She looked around to find something that
could remotely explain my strange behavior. She
instantaneously spotted Chris. She snapped her
attention back to me and whispered, "Oh my god! Al,
he’s looking over here. Stop acting like a freak."
"I’m such an idiot. I was staring at him, Stephie," I
moaned, my words muffled. "Dee, listen to me. Look,
c’mon, look at me." I raised my head, revealing my
flushed face, "What?" "Okay, look over at him. If he
glances over here again, then he’s obviously into you
meaning you should seize the opportunity and smile at
him! Better yet, flirt with him, Al."
"Are you
fucking mad?!" I nearly yelled, but caught myself and
lowered my voice to a whisper, " I can’t flirt with
him!" "And why is that?" "Because, he’s Chris
Kattan! You can’t flirt with a celebrity!" "That is
not true! Al, he’s a normal person just like you, now
flirt!"
I slowly turned my sight towards Chris and was shocked
to find him turning to look at me, also. I couldn’t
help but grin like an idiot. Chris smiled too and
winked. Stephanie announced, "I’m going to head back
to the apartment. I shall see you soon." "What? You
can’t leave me, Stephie!" "Hey, this is your chance.
I’m only hindering everything. I mean, who knows?
Maybe, you’ll hook up." I smiled and said, "Thanks,
Stephie. You’re a sweetie." Stephanie left me
sitting at the table, waiting for the game between
Chris and I to intensify.
After a few moments of observing my coffee, I was
greeted with an involuntarily seductive, "Hi." I
cautiously looked up at the possessor of that voice.
"Hi," I whispered, then cleared my throat and repeated
a little more loudly, "Hi." "Is anyone sitting here?"
"No! No. It’s just a lonely little chair." "Well,
if you don’t have any objections, I’d be happy to
befriend it." I girlishly giggled, then took a deep
breath in an attempt to regain my dignity. "I’m
Chris," said the gorgeous man who sat across from me.
"I’m Al," I replied, "Alexandra Forester." "Well, in
that case, I’m Christopher Kattan," he smiled. He
extended his hand, I took it, and we exchanged a quick
"shake".
"So, do you live around here?" asked Chris. "Oh, no.
I’m actually from California. I’m spending much of my
summer break here with my sister. She lives up the
street." "Oh. What part of Cali?" "Berkeley." "Oh,
nice place there." "Yeah, it is. I’m a student at
the UC." "You attend UC Berkeley? I’m impressed."
"Yeah, thanks." "What’s your major?" "Music.
Actually, it’s Performing Arts, but I lean heavily
towards music." "Oh, like do you sing?" "Yeah, I
do." "You’ve got a wonderful voice, don’t you?" "Why
do you say that?" "Well, you’ve got such exterior
beauty, that I assumed you must have a gorgeous
singing voice. It would be unfair if you didn’t."
Chapter 3
I nearly choked on the air. "Wow, I’ve never gotten a
compliment like that before. I’m just…wow." "I’m not
very good with complimenting people. Sorry, the words
always come out all screwed up." "No, that was an
amazing thing that you said, Chris." "That’s a first
for me," he conceded. "Really? I would’ve expected
you to be quite the ladies’ man."
He laughed, "So
that’s what you think of me? Wow, what am I doing
wrong?" "Well, you are incredibly good looking and I
know that I’d go for you in a second." I was stunned
by my own words. I had no idea that I had the balls
to say something like that.
"Really? Haha, wow. Thanks." "I can’t believe I
actually said that. I’m so sorry." "Oh, no. It’s
okay. It’s very rare to find someone so outgoing and
honest." "Well, I’m not like this all the time.
Actually, I’m never like this. I don’t know what’s
wrong with me." "I like it," Chris said with a faint
smile.
"Jeez, this is so weird. I never thought that
I’d actually get to talk to you. I mean, you’re Chris
Kattan. You’re on Saturday Night Live! You’re on
millions of television sets every season! You’re
famous!" "Well, not quite millions. And I’m not so
famous," he blushed. "You have the most magnificent
blue eyes," I declared shamelessly. "Hey, uh, do you
maybe wanna hang out sometime?" "I’d love to." "How
about tonight? Do you like Italian food? I know a
great little place."
"I love Italian food." "Great.
I’ll pick you up at 8:30?" "Sounds great." Chris and
I sat there for a few moments in silence just looking
at each other.
Chris walked me back to my sister’s apartment. "So,
I’ll see you tonight, right?" "Of course, Chris.
8:30, 32D. I’ll be ready." "All right, then I guess
this is goodbye. So, goodbye, Al."
"Goodbye, Chris."
Before I could stop myself, I leaned in and kissed
him. We didn’t use tongue; there was no need to. The
kiss was simple, yet sweet and full of passion. We
stood in our fervent embrace for what seemed like an
eternity. I let my arms rest around his neck, and he
did the same around my waste. Right then, I felt
proud to be short. It added to the reasons that Chris
and I should be a couple.
Finally, I pulled away and smiled. Chris returned the
gesture and then leaned in again for another quick
kiss. We said "goodbye" and I gingerly walked up the
stairs into the apartment building. I got in the
elevator and nearly fainted. I had freaking just
kissed Chris Kattan! I didn’t know what to make of it
all. In my mind, all I could see was his piercing
sapphire like eyes.
I opened the door to 32D and ran inside. "Stephie!
Stephie!" "What?" she called from her room.
"Stephie, I just kissed Chris Kattan," I announced as
I made my way down the hall to her bedroom. "No way,"
she said as she dropped the pair of shoes that she had
been holding, "Details!"
I sat on her bed, and she
quickly followed. "Well, he asked me out. He’s going
to pick me up tonight at 8:30, and we’re going to go
eat Italian food. He walked me here and I kissed him.
He is such a good kisser!" "I told you that you’d
hook up! So, he’s a good kisser, huh?" "Yes! His
lips are so soft," I bit my lip and shut my eyes. I
flopped down onto a pillow and started giggling
wildly. Even though I’m only 22, I thought, ‘It feels
so good to be young again’.
"What are you going to wear?" Stephanie asked
enthusiastically. "Oh god. Stephie, I didn’t bring
any date-wear. I never expected for this to happen."
"Well, borrow something of mine. Oh! I’ve got this
killer red dress. It’s a Gucci knock-off that I got
at a boutique in Saugerties for $38." "No, that’d be
too dressy. I’m thinking that I want to go for
something black. You know, simplicity." "Oh, I’ve
got the perfect thing!" She jumped up off of the bed
and shuffled to her closet. She quickly dove into her
sea of outfits and surfaced with a black skirt and
blouse.
Chapter 4
The entire outfit was a bit tight, but not too
revealing. I kept my make up very subtle---thin
eyeliner, neutral eye shadow, and mascara---, but wore
noticeable scarlet lipstick. I curled my hair
slightly and spritzed on some of my sister’s expensive
perfume. I tightened my sleek, black, strappy heels
and put on Stephanie’s garnet earrings. I made sure
that I had everything: money, keys, lipstick, and yes,
tampons. I hadn’t started yet, and really hoped that
I wouldn’t, but I had to be prepared. I took one last
look in the mirror and smiled. I had to admit that I
looked, smelled, and felt good. I clicked off the
light in Stephie’s bedroom and walked down the
hallway.
"Ah, what do we have here? The drop dead gorgeous sex
pot, Miss Alexandra," joked Stephie, "Chris will go
nuts when he sees you!" "You think so?" "I know so.
Al, have you looked in the mirror? You are
beautiful." "Oh, I know. Aren’t I simply
astounding?" I teased.
Just then, there was a knock
at the door. I checked the clock and discovered that
it was exactly 8:30. "Very nice," laughed Stephanie.
"Will you answer the door?" "Me? Why? It’s your
date!" "Stephie, please?" "All right." She shuffled
to the door while I retreated to the restroom.
"You must be Alexandra’s sister," said Chris, just a
little unsure. "Yes, I’m Stephanie. You must be
Chris. It’s nice to meet you. Oh, I’m sorry, come on
in. Al will be ready in a minute." Chris walked in
and sat down on the couch. Snickers, Stephie’s
oversized tomcat that had been napping on the couch,
hissed at Chris. He jumped slightly then whispered,
"Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you buddy." "Just push him
off," said Stephanie, as she picked up the cat and set
him on the floor. He immediately ran into her room,
jumped on her bed, curled up, and finished his nap.
I took a deep breath and walked into the living room.
"Hi, Chris," I announced. He turned around and looked
as if he’d been shot. "H-h-hi, Alexandra." "So, I
see you two have met." "Yes," said Chris and Stephie
at the same time. "Are you ready to go?" I asked.
"Oh, right!" stumbled Chris as he got up from the
couch, "Let’s go, then. Goodbye Stephanie, it was
nice meeting you." "Ditto," said Stephie as she
retrieved her tea from the stove in the kitchen, "You
two have fun, now. And be back before ten." "Don’t
worry, I will mother," I laughed.
I reached for the door handle on Chris’ car, but he
quickly intervened and said, "Let me get that for
you!" Once we’d gotten settled in and buckled up, he
asked, "Are you ready?" "I think so," I smiled.
"Great." He started the car and immediately "I’m Just
A Girl" blasted from the speakers. Chris quickly
reached over and turned the power off.
"Sorry about
that." "It’s okay. I actually like No Doubt. I
don’t mind." "Oh, well do you want me to turn it back
on?" "No, it’s okay. Chris, just relax." He let out
an uneasy laugh and said, "I told you I’m not good at
this." "Who is?" I remarked.
"So, what other bands are you into?" asked Chris to
break the not so uncomfortable silence. "Well, I’m a
hardcore Blink 182 fan. I like…no, I love, U2, No
Doubt, Incubus, Radiohead, Coldplay, and Weezer. Uh,
I’m really into 80’s music---KISS, Van Halen, ACDC,
Soft Cell, Dexy’s Midnight Riders, After the Fire,
Poison, Bon Jovi…Prince. Things like that." "Oh, I
love Radiohead! U2 is the best. Wow, you have great
taste in music."
"Thanks. What else are you into?
Music, that is."
"Well, pretty much the same as you.
I’m not that big of a Prince fan, though. What else,
what else. Oh, I’m not really into rap music." "Me
neither. I think I’m just jealous of the rap artists,
though. I mean they have kick ass cars, mansions,
jewelry, money, and they can talk so fast, yet still
make sense." "That’s true. I never looked at it that
way before." "Well, I’m glad I could help broaden
your mindset."
A few minutes later Chris pulled up in front of an
adorable little whole-in-the-wall place with alfresco
dining. "Here we are." "Wow, I love it already."
"Wait until you get inside. Their eggplant parmagiana
is simply mouth-watering." "Kind of like your lips,"
I purred. Jeez, I was turning into a whore. He
quickly pressed his lips against mine and slid his arm
around my waist; I put my hand up to his cheek. He
pulled away and looked into my eyes. "How do you do
it?" "Do what?" I asked. "Cause me to feel so much
for you even though I just met you." "A good
bewitcher never reveals her secret," I whispered.
Chapter 5
After dinner, Chris drove us down to Central Park. We
took a walk, taking in the air of the beautiful
moonlit night. "Is it safe," I jokingly asked. He
laughed, "Of course. The creeps really only show up
Monday through Friday." "Oh, I see." "So, tell me
about you." "Are you sure you want to know?" "Well,
as long as you haven’t committed any major felonies,
I’m pretty sure I want to know." "Haha, okay. Well,
like I told you before, I’m a student at UC Berkeley.
I’m a junior. Oh, I should probably mention my age.
I’m 22?" "Why do you say that as a question?" "I
don’t know. I thought maybe you’d think I was too
young for you." "Are you calling me old," he laughed.
"No!" "I know. No, Dee you’re not too young. I
believe that age doesn’t matter when it comes to love.
Unless of course, there is the law involved and it’s
illegal." "Well, this isn’t too illegal," I smiled.
"So, continue."
"Oh, right. Well, uh…I don’t really
know what to say. I’ve lived in California my entire
life. I was born in Santa Maria. My sister’s a year
older than I am. She moved out here last fall to
finish college at NYU. Uh…what else? Oh, my favorite
color is blue," I looked up at his eyes. "I share a
dorm with a genius gothic stoner. I have a bunch of
SNL tapes under my bed. I watch the show all the
time. I’m a fanatic. You’re my favorite cast
member." "Well, I usually have a thing against dating
fans, but I can’t pass this opportunity up."
"Wow, dating." "What’s wrong? Oh, am I moving too
fast? Damn it. I didn’t even ask you how you felt
about all of this."
"No, it’s not that. I just
didn’t know that you liked me so much. This is all so
crazy. I mean, I just met you this morning, and I’ve
already kissed you twice. Now, we’re discussing
dating. I’m a little confused, that’s all." He
pulled me toward his chest and held me tight. "Al, I
can’t explain it either. You’re just so…amazing. I
can’t describe how you make me feel. I never thought
I’d fall in love with someone so quickly."
I abruptly
pulled away and choked, "In love? Don’t throw those
words around Chris."
"I’m not throwing them around!" "You can’t be in love
with someone you just met!" "I take it that you don’t
believe in love at first sight." "No, I don’t. I
used to, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve wizened up."
"Are you saying that my convictions are unwise?"
"That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m just saying
that I personally don’t believe in crap like that."
"Crap?" he asked in a manner that showed he was hurt,
"Jeez, this was all a big mistake. Let’s go. I’m
taking you home." He turned and hastily walked away
from me in the direction of his car. I stood there
for a moment feeling as if I’d had the wind knocked
out of me. ‘What the fuck are you doing, Al?’ I
thought, ‘Chris Kattan just told you that he’s in love
with you and you’re sending it all to hell!’
I ran after him and positioned myself so that he was
blocked from going any further. "Chris, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. I realize
that you believe in different things than me, but that
shouldn’t come between us. I’m being an idiot. I
mean, you just told me that you’re in love with me and
I’m stomping it into the ground. The truth is, I love
you too. I’ve been in love with you for a few years
now. I know it sounds mad, but I fell for you through
the TV. Even though I didn’t know you at all, I felt
like you were the only man I’d ever be happy with.
Chris, I want to get to know you. I want to spend
every waking moment of the one month I have, with
you."
We kissed for the third time, making this the first
that we let our tongues meet. At that moment, I knew
that the only thing working against Chris and I was
time. I figured that I had to enjoy our affair to the
fullest, while it lasted. It was apparent that Chris
felt the same way, because next thing I knew, we were
sitting on his couch in his apartment, making out. We
were both hesitant, not knowing whether or not we
should go all the way. Finally, he asked me, "Do you
wanna?" I whispered a zealous, "Yes," into his ear,
and he carried me into his room.
I’m trying to keep my story Pg-13, so I won’t go into
detail of what exactly happened that night. You are
probably disgusted by the fact that we "did it" after
only knowing each other for about 12 hours. Well,
normally I wouldn’t go past second base with a guy
that I just met (yes, I’ve seen the previews for
"Riding in Cars With Boys), but Chris was someone who
I’d felt like I’d known forever. And don’t worry, we
used protection. There aren’t going to be any
pregnancy scares here.
Chapter 6
The next morning, I awoke to the burnished rays of
sunlight flooding Chris’ room with a rich, golden
brilliance. I glanced over at the alarm clock that
read 7:58. I turned over to look at Chris, only to
discover that he wasn’t in the bed. "Chris?" I
called, sitting up on the mattress. Immediately,
footsteps rang in the hall, and Chris appeared in the
doorway. "Hi," he smiled. I blushed, "What are you
doing?" "Well, come into the kitchen and you’ll see."
"Okay, give me a second to get dressed," I timidly
responded. "Okay," he answered and walked back down
the hallway. I jumped up and reached for the one of
his shirts that was lying on the chair.
"So, what’s the big surprise?" I announced as I
walked through the living room and into the dining
area. "Have a seat," said Chris from the kitchen with
his back to me. I sat down, eagerly awaiting whatever
he had up his sleeve. Soon, Chris appeared bearing
two plates filled with scrambled eggs, sausage, hashed
browns, pancakes, and fruit. He set one in front of
me, and he set the other at the setting across from
me. He again went into the kitchen, and this time
returned with two glasses and a carafe of orange
juice.
"Wow. Did you make all of this?" I asked in shock.
"Yes I did." "Chris, this is amazing! Thank you," I
said looking into his enticing blue eyes. "You’re
welcome.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m
starving, so let’s eat." "Right on!" We ate
leisurely, talking about childhood memories and
ourselves. It was such a magnificent and serene
experience. "You said that you live in a dorm,
right?" "Yeah, I have the genius gothic stoner
roommate, remember?" "Oh! That’s right. So, tell me
about that."
"Well," I started, "we’ve been sharing the dorm since
last August. I swear she’s the weirdest person.
She’ll get mad because she’ll be trying to study, yet
when I’m trying to study she’ll be doing some weird
gothic ritual. It’s insane." "Wow, sounds like a
pretty interesting environment." "Oh, it is. And
then, next door, is the resident slut. Every night,
she’s got some guy in there. She’s incredibly loud."
He laughed, "Jeez, I feel bad for you." "Oh, don’t.
It doesn’t really effect me that much. I manage to
get my work done. I also have some headphones," I
smiled, "Lord knows how effective those can be."
After breakfast, I took a shower and got dressed.
"You’re not going home are you?" Chris asked once we
were both in the living room. "Well, that had been my
plan. Do you not want me to go? I won’t." "Oh, no.
It’s okay, I mean, you probably should go. Your
sister must be slightly worried."
"Well, I’m pretty
sure she can guess where I am," I blushed. "Oh,
that’s true." He walked over to me and set his hands
on my hips. He put his forehead against mine and
quietly uttered, "I love you."
"I’m the luckiest
woman alive," I managed to say before I put my head
against his shoulder and cried.
He rubbed my back trying to soothe me, but I couldn’t
stop. I didn’t want to. I mean, it felt so peaceful
to have him comforting me. "Are you alright?" he
asked. "I’m fine. I’m just…I’m so unbelievably
happy. I just never want this to end." I cast my
gaze downward. "It doesn’t have to, Al." "What?" I
shot a glance back at him. "You can finish college
out here, Al. You can go to NYU. You’ll be close to
your sister. We’ll live here, in this apartment."
"Chris! No! No, NO!" He took a step back and gave
me a look that proved he was deeply wounded by my
choice of words. "I’m…I can’t move here, Chris."
"Why not?"
"I have a whole life in California. I
can’t just pack up and leave. And NYU is SO
expensive." "I can help pa-…" "NO! I can’t ask you
to do that!" "Al, you’re not asking, I’m offering."
"Still, I…I just can’t. Chris, I have to be honest.
This is moving too fast. I…I don’t want to move in
with you. This is just too much for me." "Okay." "I
am going to go now." "Okay." He just stood there in
front of me, his arms folded across his chest.
I picked up my purse and walked out of his apartment.
It took all my strength to not turn around and run
back to him. I had to take a cab back to Stephie’s
apartment. On the way there, I thought about Chris’
offer. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like it was
over; I’d ruined everything. As soon as I was at
Stephie’s place, I lay on the couch and allowed myself
to cry. She hadn’t woken up yet. That was perfectly
okay with me. I didn’t want to go through an
interrogation right now.
Chapter 7
I had just fallen asleep when I heard Stephanie’s
voice say, "Oh, look who it is! The future Mrs. Chris
Kattan! Good morning!" "Shuddup!" I nearly yelled
back at her. "Ouch, someone’s in a bad mood. I don’t
see why, I mean, you had a wonderful time last night
with Chris." "Stephanie shut up! Please, I don’t
want to talk about Chris right now." "Did I miss
something?" "Are you deaf?! I don’t want to talk
about it!"
"All right, fine. We won’t talk about
it…whatever it is. So, are you hungry?" "No," I
snapped. Jeez, what was wrong with me? I was being a
total bitch to Stephanie. "Hey, whatever happened
between you and Chris, is between you and Chris.
Don’t come waltzing in here and expect to be able to
take it out on me!"
"I’m sorry," I whimpered, "I’m just so upset and
confused right now." "What happened, Al? Please, you
have to tell me." "Chris asked me to move in with
him." "What?" "This morning, we were talking about
how our whole romance would have to end. He surprised
me by saying, ‘It doesn’t have to.’ Then he asked me
to move here. To leave behind my life in California
and move here."
"And exactly when did you two meet?"
"I know! We just met yesterday, and he’s already
asking me to move in with him. Stephie, this is
crazy." "What did you say?" "I told him flat out no.
I told him that everything was moving too fast and
that I just wasn’t ready."
"What did he do?" "He just stood there, all he said
was, ‘Okay.’ I think I really hurt him, Stephie."
"Well, he should have expected something like what
happened. I mean, relationships like yours don’t
happen everyday. He can’t just expect you to say yes.
This is very complicated."
"The thing is, I think
it’s over. I think that…that I’m going to end it.
I’m going to go back there tomorrow and tell him
exactly how I feel." "Wait. You’re not even gonna
try to work things out?"
"Why should I? I mean, he’s
being selfish. He’s the one who can’t understand that
I have a life." "Alexandra! You are being just as
selfish as he is, by thinking like that! You owe it
to him to at least try to make this work. I’m sure
once you talk, he’ll understand how difficult
everything is and that you still want to be with him."
"But, I’m not so sure I do." "Whoa. Where did all
of this come from? Just yesterday, you were so
excited that you two were together. If you weren’t
sure that you wanted to make this serious and that it
would all work out, then why on earth did you sleep
with him?!"
"I don’t know! I don’t know! Stephie, I’m just
confused. I mean, I love him. I’m just not sure that
I’m ready to commit to someone yet. I’ve got my
entire life ahead of me. Why throw it away now, by
becoming involved with someone?"
"I cannot believe
you. You think that I’m going to side with you, when
you are being completely self-seeking. Al, I don’t
know what has happened to you, but you need to do a
self-evaluation. If your relationship goes to hell,
it’s your fault, not his." "But, Steph-…!" She had
already left the room. Jeez, she was right. I was
being completely selfish. I had to talk to Chris and
I had to do it quickly.
I decided that I needed to take a walk and rehearse
what I was going to say to Chris. I took the subway
to Time Square. Even though there were like a million
people there, I felt it was the best place to be at
that time. I somehow ended up in the crowd below the
TRL studios. I was just chilling, reading what
people’s signs said when I heard a familiar voice say,
"Alexandra?" I turned and saw Todd Burns, my
ex-boyfriend from high school. "Todd!" I answered in
a very surprised voice. "Wow…um, it’s been a long
time." "Yeah, it has…too long." Jeez, was I
flirting?
"So, what’re you doing here? You don’t live here do
you?" "Oh, no! I’m still back in California. I’m
just visiting my sister." "Oh, that’s right.
Stephanie lives here." "What about you?" "Oh, I’m
here at NYU." "You are? Stephie goes there." "Well,
it’s a very big place. I doubt that I’d ever run into
her."
"Yeah, I doubt that." "So, um…do you wanna
ditch this crowd and maybe get something to eat?"
"Um…sure." I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I
should have been over at Chris’ trying to clear
everything up. Instead, I was hanging out with an
ex-boyfriend. New York was turning me into a
completely different person.
Chapter 8
"So, what have you been up to?" asked Todd as he
drenched his French fries in ketchup. "Not much.
Just been going to school. Getting myself an
edumacation." We laughed. "So, how long have you
been here?" "Since Friday." "Are you having a good
time?" I paused then said, "You could say that. I’ve
ran into some pretty interesting things…interesting
people." "Like what?" he laughed as he took a bite of
his cheeseburger. "Chris Kattan," I said, then
pretended to be suddenly interested in my salad.
"What?" "Oh, I met Chris Kattan yesterday, no biggie.
Pass the pepper please." "How can you say that’s not
a big deal? Al, you were obsessed with the man. That
bastard ruined our relationship!" he pretended to cry.
I smiled.
"You know very well that Chris didn’t cause us to
break up." "You know what, Dee? I’ve never figured
out why we did." He looked into my eyes and after a
few seconds I was forced to turn away. "Todd, don’t.
What’s done is done. I don’t want to get into this."
"But, Al…don’t you ever think about where we would
have gone?" "Todd, I’m done dwelling on this. As
soon as I set foot on the UC campus, I left ‘you and
me’ behind."
His eyes narrowed and he muttered,
"Fine." "Todd, I don’t mean for it to sound so
harsh…I just went through so much, you know? It’s
painful talking about this…" "I know…I’m sorry that I
brought it up…" "It’s okay…I guess." We sat there in
silence for a few minutes. Finally, Todd said, "What
are you doing tonight?" "Nothing. Why?" "How about
you and I go club hopping?" We laughed. "Sure…why
not?"
* * * * * *
"Wow, this place is kick ass!" I yelled to Todd. The
music was blaring, people were dancing, there was
alcohol everywhere, my heart was pounding; this was
awesome. I didn’t feel very well, though. I think
I’d had one too many, but I didn’t care. This was NYC
and this was my chance to party. I could see Todd
saying something to me, but I couldn’t hear. He
grabbed my arm and led me to a table. "I thought
maybe you might want to sit down," he shouted. "Oh,"
I nodded my head. Soon, his friends came over and
joined us. All of the people only added to my nausea.
I tried to tell him that I wanted to go home, but he
would only answer with, "In a few minutes," and
continue to talk and drink. After a few tries, I
excused myself and sprinted to the restroom.
I washed my face and walked back out into the
hallway. A wave of dizziness overwhelmed me and I
felt myself being pulled towards the floor. The hall
was blurry and soon started to spin. There were many
people standing around, either drinking or making out.
I tried to reach out for something to hold onto, but
I fell against the wall and bumped my head. My vision
was almost completely gone, but I saw someone coming
towards me. "Hey, are you okay?" He kneeled next to
me and began to help me up. "Can you hear me? What’s
your name?" "Alexandra", I finally managed to say.
"Alexandra? I’m Jim. Are you alright?" "I think
so…I just feel a little nauseous. My head aches."
"Okay, can you walk?" I nodded my head and took a
step, only to stumble and fall back against him.
"Whoa, okay, um…this isn’t going to work."
I looked up at his face and nearly stopped breathing.
"Holy shit, you’re Jimmy Fallon!" "Uh, yeah," he
replied, almost embarrassed that he’d been recognized.
"What are you doing here?" He leaned me against the
wall. "The whole cast is here. We’re filming the
credits for next season." "Chris is here?!" "Kattan?
Yeah, he’s here." "I need to talk to him!" He
paused, then questioned, "Do you know Chris?" "Yeah…I
do." "All right, um…here. We’ll walk over to that
booth there, okay?" "Okay." Slowly, we made our way
over there and I sat down. I laid my head against the
table and waited.
A few minutes later, I heard Chris’ concerned voice
say, "Al?" I raised my head to look at him, but
started bawling as soon as I saw his face. He quickly
moved down to me and held me. "What’s wrong?" "I’m
sorry, Chris. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what
I said this morning." I looked at him. "Al, it’s
okay…really, it is. Jeez, sweetie, you look terrible.
C’mon, do you want me to take you home?" "No, you
have to shoot this. Afterwards." "Okay, afterwards."
Chapter 9
I had a horrible headache. I sat on Chris’ bed as he
gave me some aspirin and a glass of water. "Are you
all right, now?" "Well, I feel much better," I
smiled. "Al, what happened?" "I met my ex-boyfriend,
we went to the club, and I got a little too drunk.
It’s nothing."
He touched my cheek gently. I set my
glass of water on his dresser and looked at him. I
could see his eyes shift towards my lips. I closed my
eyes and leaned in; he did the same. His lips felt
so warm and soft. Everything felt so safe and right.
I felt so free and happy. This was the most serene
moment in my entire life.
After a few moments, I pulled away and looked into
his eyes. "Chris, answer me this. Is this love
or…lust?"
He replied, "I don’t know. Al, I don’t
know why I feel the way I do about you. I mean, I’ve
only known you for like 36 hours. I just…I know that
you’re a beautiful woman…and I know that I want to get
to know you.
* * * * * *
For the next few weeks, Chris and I did get to know
each other. It was clear to all that we were in love.
Through all the happiness and romance, I forget just
how precious our time together was. The reality hit
when I realized that it was August 18th. I remember
that doleful night rather vividly. I still wince
whenever I think of it.
Chris and I were at dinner with Jimmy Fallon and his
girlfriend, Vivian.
It was so sweet to see them
back together after that arduous and dismal break-up.
We talked about everything and had a few good laughs.
Finally, Chris turned to me, but not before he flashed
a look at Jimmy who seemed to be trying to tell him
something.
I glanced over at Vivian, who shrugged.
Not more that a minute later, Chris got out of his
chair, turned me around in mine, took my hand, and
positioned himself with one knee on the floor. I
immediately understood what was happening when I saw
him reach into his pocket and retrieve a small, black
box. I placed my hand against my chest and whispered,
"Oh my God…." I looked over at both Jimmy and Vivian,
who were smiling, and then back at Chris.
"Alexandra," Chris started; "You know that I love
you…so much. I’m sorry that I couldn’t think of
something more creative than this, but…will you marry
me?"
"Chris…I…oh my God. I…I…." He had started to look a
little afraid. I looked at Jimmy again, who in turn
looked down at his dinner plate, then did that little
look he does on Weekend Update; the look where he
glances up after he tells a joke. I don’t know why I
felt it was pertinent to tell you that. He actually
saved me, and I gained my reassurance. "I’m sorry," I
whispered, then excused myself and went to the
restroom. Vivian followed me.
Chapter 10
"Alexandra, are you okay?" "Why do you ask that?"
"Because, Chris just proposed to you, and he loves
you, and you love him, and you said ‘no’." "I didn’t
say ‘no’."
"Well, you didn’t say ‘yes’…. And I’m
pretty sure that Chris took what you did say as a
‘no’."
"Vivian, I’m sorry, but I just don’t think I’m
ready to marry Chris. I’ve only known him for a
month…" "But Al, you’re in love! "I know that! But,
c’mon, I’d be rushing into this. I’m just not ready.
Besides, If I did marry him, I’d have to move here…and
I’ve already got so much to do over at Berkeley. I
can’t just pack up and leave. And, it’s not like I
have a money tree in my possession."
"Al, you very well know that you can attend NYU. With
Chris’ income and financial aid, money wouldn’t be a
problem."
"I’d just feel like I was using him. This
is all so sudden. I never expected that I’d be "the
one" for Chris. What would you do, Vivian, if Jimmy
sprung a proposal on you?" "That’s a totally
different situation, Al. Jimmy and I have known each
other for a while. And, it definitely wouldn’t be a
burden for me to permanently move here. I’m an
actress, and I can do these things."
"Exactly, you can do these things. I can’t." "Why
not?"
"I…I…I’m just confused. I know that I can move
here…move my life. And, I know that I love Chris. I
just don’t know if I’m really willing to spend the
rest of my life with him…." Vivian sighed and said,
"Well, I think you need to tell that to Chris." "I
don’t want to break his heart, Vivian," I choked.
"Well, if you’re truly not ready, then…there’s no
other option." She walked out of the restroom,
leaving me alone with my rapidly spinning mind.
I walked over to the table and put my hand on Chris’
shoulder.
"Uh, sweetie? Can we talk…outside?" Chris
gulped rather loudly and managed to say, "Okay." We
walked out onto the balcony, which was also the dance
floor, and sat on a stone bench. "Chris," I wrung my
hands vigorously, "my answer is…no." He took a deep
breath and whispered, "It’s over, isn’t it?" "Yeah, I
think so…." "I was kind of expecting this…."
"Really? Why?"
"After the whole thing between you
and I over you moving in with me, I pretty much knew
that you’d never change your mind. Tonight, I asked,
hoping that maybe, you’d prove me wrong." I could
feel tears welling up in my eyes, "Chris, I’m so sorry
that I’ve let you down…. You must think so little of
me, now."
"No, Alexandra! I don’t. I think the
world of you…I love you, and you know that." "I love
you, Chris…but I’m sorry. I have to let go." "I
understand," he whispered as he leaned in and kissed
me on the forehead.
[2 months later]
I still wonder if I should have stayed with Chris. I
wonder what my life would be like. I try not to dwell
on it, because it’s rather depressing to live in the
past. I haven’t seen Chris since our break-up.
However, I have some good news. Jimmy and Vivian are
engaged. Me? Well, I’m happy for them…and that is
all.
