Chapter 21
"Are you serious?" Jimmy said, not really posing it as a question. I nodded and he blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.
I opened my mouth to say something-- anything, but I couldn't think of anything. We were completely silent.
"For how long?" his voice was low, and he stared down at the pizza, as if it were interesting enough to be hung on a wall and be called art.
"Two months." I whispered, stuttering on the 'two'. He looked up at me instantly, obviously shocked. His lips moved in together, as if about to say something, but he stopped himself. I felt my tears ripping at my eyes, begging to be free. Two months of wondering whether or not he would leave me were depending on this moment. Two months of rubbing my tummy and wishing away the thing living inside of it. Two months was too long to be summed up in two seconds.
Jim pushed his chair back and got out of it, starting to pace lightly. He looked worried. But then, why wouldn't he, having discovered that he would be a father of a child in a quick 7 months. "Is it mine?" he said, not staring at me, thinking there was a chance that it could have been Chris'.
"Yes." I said, raising my voice so he could hear me. He turned back around, and I decided now would be the time to plead him to stay or at least tell him I still love him. "Jimmy, I'm sorry and I don't know how this happened, just..." I paused, as the tears streaked down my cheeks. "Just please don't leave me." I stuttered, realizing how stupid I must sound. "Jim, I love you, you know that, and I--"
He shushed me. "I love you too, Cat." He said, walking back to the table and up to me, then running his hands through his hiar and sighing. "And I'm going to love this child more than I love you, if thats possible." He said sincerely, then leaned in to kiss me. I sobbed slowly, happy I was with him.
Chapter 22
My head was in the crook of Jimmy's neck, where it seemed like it fit perfectly. I looked over at my alarm clock, beside him where he slept. I sighed, laying back down to where I was once comfortable. His hand was lightly on my stomache. I stared at his feature's as he slept, my fingers tracing up and down his upper torso.
It was 8:00 in the morning now. I was just so tired. I felt like all I needed was a good week to just lay in bed and rest. I was tired out not only from the night before [Authors Note: hehe ;� ] but I was just tired out from everything in general. I just wanted to sleep, if it wasn't for the rumbling in my tummy.
I clutched my stomache, thinking of what was in it and finally happy about it, knowing Jimmy was too. He slept with a satisfied smile on his face, and I poked at his rib, attempting to wake him. He rustled lightly in the bed, and his hair floated over his eyes. I watched intently.
How did I end up with him? How did he end up with me? In this train of thought I stayed nuzzled close to him, watching as his eyes fluttered open as he said: "I can't sleep when I know people are watching me." I laughed. He stared at me this time, a serious look in his eyes, then held up his finger.
I smiled. "What do you plan on doing with that, mister?" He placed it lightly on my forehead, then, slowly, traced it around my face, then to my neck then down to my shoulder, then all the way to my toes and back up. I giggled the whole way through. "Jim, what the hell are you doing?" I said with a smirk.
He grinned. "I'm memorizing the most beautiful shape in the world."
Chapter 23
I sipped my Coke at the Burger King table as Jimmy chewed on a fry, a hat covering his face from people, and sunglasses on mine. We must have looked suspicious, but no matter. Jimmy looked up at me and laughed.
I stared. "What now?" I smiled.
"Come here," he said softly. I leaned in closer, and he brushed a piece of mayonnaise off my chin. I burst out laughing.
"Oh my God, that's embarassing.." I laughed, knowing my face must've been the colour of a tomato.
He laughed. "Don't worry about it," then licked his finger off.
I held my head in my hands and giggled out of control. "Lemme go pee," I laughed.
He smiled, "Sure you can leave me here all alone I don't mind." he said sarchastically.
I laughed. "Don't worry, that waitress over there had been staring at you, she'll keep you company," I chuckled, slightly jealous. "I'll be right back." I said, then walked over to the bathroom and into it, finding a clean stall. I did my business and when I got up I looked down at the toilet and prayed to God what I saw wasn't really there.
Blood. My little baby, there in the toilet. MY child. The thing I sacraficed a whole lot for was gone. I stared at it in shock. That was my daughter. That was my son. That was my everything. That was gone.
It took awhile for it to settle in, but as soon as it did, I got out of there, I couldn't cry at a Burger King there in front of Jimmy. I wanted to go home.
I quickly washed my hands, the look on my face that of a person who had seen s ghost. When I got out of there, I looked over at the table where Jimmy was supposed to be, and it was cleared off. He was gone too.
Chapter 24
I blinked as I made sure I was looking at the right table. Yea, sure enough, he wasn't there. He left me, he must have. But why would he? I thought he loved me... I thought..
"Woah, honey what happened? Did somebody in there scare the shit out of you? Get it!?" Jimmy popped up beside me, laughing. I looked over at him, surprised, wanting to laugh at his corny joke but not caring enough to. His face changed to concern quickly. "Cat? Are you alright?"
"I'm on my period."
He blinked. "Uh, thanks for sharing, but I think you're forgetting I'm a guy."
I looked over at him, the perfect height. "Jimmy." I said strongly, looking him into the eyes. "When you are pregnant you aren't supposed to get your period." I struggled to say, finally breaking down. "I just had a miscarriage."
Final Chapter
I looked around my dressing room.
Two weeks after the miscarriage, Lorne announced to me that I was "being released" after the season finale. It didn't come as a shock to me, I was actually expecting it.
Jimmy and I dated for about a month after that but broke up because we weren't able to see each other as often.
Don't look at this as a sad ending to an originally happy story. Because its really a happy ending. I'm still in love with Jimmy, and I talk to him every week or so. I haven't told him I'm still in love with him though, no no I'd never actually say that. I'd be too afraid of his reaction.
Chris and I talk actually more often than Jimmy and I do now. But still, everytime I see Jimmy, he has this cute smile on his face that reassures me that everything will be alright. It just puts me at
peace really. Everytime he holds me close after we hadn't seen each other in weeks, or kisses my forehead. Its strange. I miss him. And I miss everyone at SNL too, of course.
I have a new job though, believe it or not, before I was "released" which basically means fired, an agent had called me and told me they had seen me on TV and wanted to interview me.
And now I model for Victoria's Secret and make more money than I ever would have at NBC. Strange how everything works out like that.
So, I gave it all a shot. Chris, Jimmy, Parenting... but none of it worked. Fawn went on a date with Jimmy once or twice, but they didn't work out either.
I still feel confused about how quickly it all happened. Over the course of almost two years, I gave all I could a shot.
Note to self: Never do any of it again.
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