Jimmy walked back down the stairs, carefully carrying Shawn's glass of water.
When he arrived, Shawn asked, "What took you so long?" Jimmy ignored the rude question and turned to James.
"Your sister freaks me out, Jay." he said, looking rather concerned.
"She freaks everyone out, so what?" James takes another chug of his beer.
"Do you know what I just saw her doing though?" Jimmy sits down on his chair and picks up his beer.
"Oh, shit, is she masturbating?!" Shawn gets up, about to run upstairs. (NOTE: My brother read this last sentence and stared at me funny.)
"No, you retard. She was cutting herself." he says finally, waiting for their reactions.
James takes another chug out of his beer. "Of course she was, Jimmy. She does that all the time, don't let it get to you." James plays with his lip ring.
Jimmy blinks. "You don't even care?"
Shawn laughs. "She's not our business, Jim. She can do whatever the fuck she wants to herself."
James says, "Yeah, my dad seems to like it anyway." They laugh.
Jimmy stares at them both, looking disgusted. He knew something had been happening between Jacks and her father, but he wasn't sure what. "What do you mean?" he stuttered.
"Cmon, Jimmy. James' dad is a sex-fiend. Its pretty obvious he rapes her." Shawn says, laughing.
James shrugs it off. "I get the sex-fiend from my dads side." he laughs again. "It's pretty obvious stuff, Jim. I can't believe you didn't notice."
Jimmy blinks again, in utter shock. "I can't believe I didn't either."
Chapter 12
James stared at Jimmy. "Do you like my sister, or something, Jim? That look on your face looks like you want her... it won't be hard, just give up the 100$ and you get her for a night."
Shawn smiled. "I had her."
Jimmy looks disgusted again, for the millionth time that night.
"Aw, man, don't tell me about that kinda shit, she's my sister!" James says, then laughs.
"I was horny!" Shawn defends himself.
"What do you mean, 100$?" Jimmy manages to get out.
"Awwww, man you you do want her! Why? She's a fucking goth!" James tries to reason.
"She's a hot goth, James," Shawn chugs from his beer. "Under that black clothing is a body any man would die for!" he takes another chug. "All you do, Jim, is go to this bar on Polterm Ave, and you'll see her dad there. He talks to any guy that comes in there. He'll ask you, you give him the hundred, and your safe for the night, fucking this amazing chick. She wouldn't speak to me though, I had to pay a bit extra to actually get her to moan.." he pauses. "She is one tough bitch."
Jimmy furrowed his brows, ashamed he was even hearing the conversation. But for future references he remembered the name of the street, only because something told him to.
Chapter 13
She waited at home, knowing that because it was Friday night, her father was sure to bring someone home... she imagined what kind of a man it would be this time to take advantage of a 19-year old. She pictures him in need of a shave, and his hair would be tossed around. He'd already be there and he would claim he "got ready" in the car.
Then he would shove her in violently and on the ride to the cheap motel he would explain to her that his wife never lets him have any fun in bed anymore. And later in the night she would discover his sick little fantasies, and wonder why a woman would even stay with him after someone would suggest something like that.
Her father banged on her bedroom door, the way he had done the Friday before that. Jackie took a miserable look at herself in the mirror and was out the door after realizing how hideous she was.
**
"I don't need this from you right now," Jackie mouthed off to Jimmy. It was Saturday again, and he was trying to convince her to call the police.
"Jackie, listen to me please. James is going to be here any minute now, he's been looking for me. If you aren't going to call the police, I will." he says, taking a stand.
Jackie blinks furiously. "I have been doing this for 10 years, Jimmy. 10 fucking years and I--"
She woke with a start, beside Robbie. Ah, Rob. The 32 year old man who couldn't decide how he wanted to come first. He was sound asleep in their cheap motel, and Jackie stared at him. Wondering what he was thinking and whether or not this would make a difference in his life, or maybe he would forget all about it when he wakes up. He was a horrible fuck.
She remembered the boring story he told her while he poured himself some cheap wine. He had two sons. He explained that they both fell in love with the same woman, and his younger son killed the eldest. He laughs heartily as he explains the twisted story, "I always thought she was pretty." Then, he goes on to explain that his son then married her, but he was filled with jealousy, so, he killed his son. And now his wife is his daughter-in-law.
He had laughed and it scared Jackie to the marrow of her thin, fragile bones. She felt chills as she remembered the feeling of fright that this man may kill her. And then, she felt the goosebumps when she realized she could die... and she didn't want to.
Chapter 14
"I think Jimmy likes you," James chuckled. It was just the two of them in the house now, as it was so rarely. They were watching Jerry Springer, 'Shh... I Have a Secret'. Jackie ignored Jamie's comment and watched the midget on television strip, revealing his feminine panties and bra.
She laughed, "There are some sick people in this world."
"Tell me about it." Jaime says, staring at her, suddenly realizing she was pretty as Shawn had mentioned. He shrugged it off, keeping it in mind that it was his sister. He tries again. "I think Jimmy likes you,"
Jackie quickly decides that if she ignores it this time, he would know she likes him too. "Oh?" she says, trying to make it sound like she wasn't interested.
Very rarely were they like this. Completely alone. Very rarely was the house this serene and pleasant. They hadn't sworn at each other the entire morning. It was a calm atmosphere, and Jackie knew it was because there was no one around that James would have to prove his coolness too.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure of it." She hoped he would stop talking. She knew he was going to say something that would make her angry. She could feel it inside her. But he didn't stop. "Maybe I can give him directions to Polterm..." he says, then laughs.
Jackie rolls her eyes, knowing the moment was ruined long before it had even begun. She wished she could be close to her siblings like the kids on TV, but she wasn't like them. She wanted a family she could never have. "James, that wasn't funny." She says calmly.
"What? I make fun of your ass all the time." he smiles to himself. She realizes James is being asshole James all over again, as if that moment was too much of a bliss for her that he had to take it away.
A feeling suddenly washes over her. She's covered in a hotness, and her stomache is in knots as she wonders if now is the right time. She wanted to see the scars all down her arm again. She wanted to feel them there. She wanted to scratch at her wrist until her skin would peel. She wanted to leave.
Jackie gets up abruptly, as if something is forcing her to move. "Where are you going, Jacks? huh? Ya gonna go hurt yourself??" he says, then gives a husky laugh, suddenly singing Nine Inch Nails. She turn around instantly.
"Where did you hear that song?" she breathes as she remembers it was the song she listened to the first times she cut herself.
"Ah, I was looking through your CD's and came across Downward Spiral, I figured I'd find out what this crap was that you listen to." he says. It was "Hurt" by NIN.
She breathes in. "It's not crap, and what the fuck were you doing in my room, James?"
"Chill, what would you prefer I was Jimmy while I was in there?" Jackie runs up the stairs, overcome with the feeling that instead of hurting herself she would like to hurt James. As she walked to her room, she heard James mocking the song she once adored.
"You could have it all/My empire of dirt/ I will let you down/ I will make you hurt."
Chapter 15
Jackie lay in bed beside her father as he snored. She sighed quietly, knowing if she got up he would awaken, ready for more. She wondered whether or not he understood what he was doing to her, everytime she had to pretend she enjoyed it. She laid there, relaxed as she day-dreamed of Jimmy, wondering where he was then.
Sometimes, she thought that--even though she only knew him for weeks-- that she loved him. She knew that it had to be something between them. Because when she was convinced the man from last Friday would kill her, she was scared and didn't want to die.
And then, just yesterday, she lay on the bathroom floor crying, for the first time in a long time, after she had cut herself.
It hurt.
It actually hurt this time. It was pain all at once, and she wanted it to stop. It had never happened before, and she cried, afraid again that she would die.
But she didn't. And she was thankful. And as soon as she felt better, she was thinking of Jimmy again.
He was doing this to her. He was making her want to live again, and she was even hating the small torture he placed upon her when he would make her smile. She was beginning to live again.
Chapter 16
Jimmy stares at the sign, pointing toward the street he was approaching. POLTERM AVE , it read. He blinked as he convinced himself to continue walking to the bar that was only feet away.
When he took the first step, he stepped back, as if he was feeling dirtier by the second. What if her father notices it's him? What would he say? Would he care?
Before he knew it, Jimmy was there in the bar, asking for a beer. A man looks over at him, and Jimmy feels goosebumps run down his spine. His glare is icy. Jimmy nods over to him, trying to let him know he is a nice guy. The man gets up, he has a round beer belly, and his beard is unshaven. He reaks of cigarettes and liquor.
"Are you looking for a good time tonight?" Jimmy recognizes the voice instantly. It was Jackie's father.
He decides to crack a joke. "Not with you, I hope." he laughs.
So does the man. "Nah, but if you pay th 500, I can get you a woman who can please your every desire." he says.
Jimmy's eyes widen. "500 dollars?"
The man nods, then gives a half-smile. "But I can see your horny tonight, so I'll take a hundred and she's yours for the night. You don't have to drop her off or anything." he says, then adds a smirk. "No strings attached."
Jimmy blinks. "Okay," he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the two fifty dollar bills. "You got it."
The man smiles. "Follow behind my car."
Chapter 17
Jackie watched the car pull into the driveway from her bedroom window. Friday again. She wondered who it was this time.
She remembered last weeks Friday. She remembered the fear she had felt... her stomache began to flutter as she thought about it. She decided tonight, she would imagine that whoever this person was, she would recreate him in her mind and make him Jimmy. Maybe then she would wake up the next morning, with a smile on his face.
She pretended to listen to her father as he told her to get in his car. She tried to see the face of the man as she walked over to the car. His head was lowered, he looked ashamed. She opened the door and got in, the heat from the car eveloping her, she quickly closed it so she wouldn't dissapoint the man if cold air got in.
He looked up at her as they drove out of the driveway. She blinked, thinking she had let her imagination run wild.
"Hey," he whispered.
She tried to breathe. She was convinced Jimmy was different. She was positive that if he found out about her 'prostitution' he wouldn't take advantage of her. And yet, here he was driving her away from her home. She felt tears stinging her eyes as she choked on something in her throat. She breathed in for a second.
"I thought you were different," she whispered, letting a tear fall. For the second time this week, she was crying. And she hadn't cried in nine years.
Jimmy couldn't think. His head ached. He needed to say something. He didn't want to see her cry. "I'm not taking you to some cheap motel, Jackie. Okay? I'm not,"
She wanted to blow up, and she was going to. "Then where are you taking me, Jim?? Huh?? Where the fuck are you going to take me?!" she was positive he wasn't like everyone else. She let herself down.
"I'm taking you away from your home."
Chapter 18
Jackie blinked.
"I'm taking you to the train station, I'm getting you out of here. I'll give you my money, I'm 100 short though, I had to.." he cleared his throat. "Pay, but ya..."
"Jimmy, don't take me." He stared at her. Her face was a pale color. "Don't take me, I can't go." she whimpered.
Jimmy stopped the car. He moved a strand of hair from her face. "Jackie, you can't stay with your brother and father. You knew that from the beginning. You have to leave them, they won't care."
She looked at him. Her chin trembled. "Don't." she whispered. He looked at her deep in the eyes. "Take me to your place." she said softly.
*-*-*
She sat on Jimmy's bed in his apartment, as he handed her a glass of milk. She looked up at him, "Thanks," she took it, realizing she hadn't said 'thank you' to a man in a long time. He nodded and sat beside her. "You can watch TV or something.. I think I might just go to sleep." she muttered, not looking tired.
Jimmy glances at her. "Jackie, no man should treat you the way your father does."
She blinks. "I can sleep on the floor or couch, but I prefer floor 'cause I'm used to--" she was cut off by Jimmy's soft lips on hers.
Chapter 19
She couldn't help herself, and she kissed him back. Before she knew what had happened, Jimmy was pulling off her long sleeved black shirt. His eyes became watery when he stared at her body. Bruises were all down her chest and back, and not to mention the self-inflicted cuts down her arms and stomache. He took a deep breath, feeling like he may cry.
Jackie almost did, though, as she saw his reaction. She knew she was hideous. And now Jimmy wouldn't want her. She knew this would happen. No man had ever stared at her body the way Jimmy was. He seemed careless though, and he began to run his fingers over her body, carefully. "These mean nothing to me," he whispered. Jackie softly whimpered. "We don't have to do this, Jackie." he stuttered.
She stared down at the glass of milk she had put on the table. He softly put his hand on her chin and raised her face to his. "We don't." he repeated.
Jackie nodded, then whispered. "But I want to." She leaned in and kissed him again.
Chapter 20
When Jackie woke up, Jimmy's arms were lovingly around her. She thought about the nights events, and gave a smile, just as she hoped she would the day before. She decided she would cook breakfast for him, even though every Saturday morning she was usually trying to find her way home. She slowly pulled his arm off of herself, and placed it under the cover so he could be warm. He shifted lightly, furrowing his brows, then his face softened and he was asleep again.
She smiled. She did love him. She tugged on her pants and threw on his shirt from the night before, since she wasn't able to find her own. Walking into the kitchen, her thoughts drifted to her mother.
For the first time in 10 years, she thought about her mother. She remembered when it was even between Jackie and Josh, where Josh wasn't the favored one. She remembered when her father used to genuinely smile. She opened the fridge slowly and pulled out some eggs. His smile then was anything but perverse. She thought about what a good person he was when Jackie was a nine year old.
Then, her thoughts drifted to how everything changed so suddenly when her mother began working. Her father was jobless, so her mother provided the bills. Suddenly, she only saw her mother during the night. Then, she never knew what a dancer was.
She grinned as she thought of her mother's warm smile. She felt changed.
She began cutting the sausage, and giggles at the size of it. Her smile fades though, when she sees that she is cutting with the large knife.
She thinks for a second. 'This will be my last time, my last piece of heaven. I won't need it anymore.. I have Jimmy. I'll be fine now. We can move away and live our own lives. We can start all over.' She thinks, then, putting the cold knife against her wrist, she hopes she would never have to feel the addiction of cutting again.
Chapter 21
Jimmy woke up with a start, in his dream he was falling. He sighed and looked around the room for Jackie. He knew he loved her from the time they first talked. He had to.
He ruffled his hair and slipped on some pants. Unable to find his shirt, he went into the kitchen shirtless, after smelling something burning. A feeling of worry swept over him when he walked into his kitchen. The eggs were on the stove, burnt to a crisp and there was a half of sausage cut and another half full.
Jimmy began to worry, not completely sure why. His heart heaved in and out and his stomache was in knots when he noticed a blood pool on the floor.
"Oh my fucking God," he whispered.
He walked up to Jackie, lying lifelessly on the floor, her mouth gaped and her eyes still opened. A painted smile was on her pale face.
"Jackie..." he whispered. He felt something in his throat. He knelt down beside her, holding her bloody hand. "Jackie, don't do this to me." he whimpered, knowing he was about to cry. "Please, please..." He knew she was dead, he just didn't want to accept it. "Jacks... no no no.." he murmered over and over until his words were drowned out by his sobs.
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