Ah Beng's English

(Act 1)
Ah Beng calls the telephone operator:
Ah Beng: "Could you please tell me the time difference between
Singapore and New York?"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Ah Beng: "Thank you."
Ah Beng got his answer and cut off the line.

(Act 2)
At a bar in New York, the man sat next to Ah Beng told the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
and his companion said, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender turned to Ah Beng and asked, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah Beng replied: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

(Act 3)
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," Ah Beng said.
"FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long." the friend asked.
Ah Beng replied, "No, it is not long at all, look at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years".

(Act 4)
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered
some problems. After a few attempts, he decided to use the 'Help' command.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer shop for support.
Ah Beng : I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me?

(Act 5)
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
" I was ironing shirt and the phone ring - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to the other ear?"
Ah Beng: "That stupid fellow called back again!"