Noshing With The Slayer
By Mommanerd
"Want some?" Clem offered her the open bag, delighting in the crinkly sound it made as he shook it enticingly under the Slayer's nose. Clem had been settling down to watch a video when Buffy had busted in. He had almost choked on his pork rinds. He'd never get used to that cute way she had of dropping in by throwing the door open.
"Ugh. No. What's in it, fried kittens?"
"Oh no, I'm over that whole thing. The black market dried up for me; none of the guys will play poker with me since Spike gave away my hidden ace trick. And on the open market, they're way out of my price range these days."
Buffy turned her face away, her features going blank. "Have you heard from him?" she finally asked.
"Spike? No. Is that why you're here?"
Buffy didn't answer his question, just mumbling about needing to go as she opened the door to leave. She already had her stake in her hand – back to work again. Whenever she decided to visit, she didn't stay long. Poor girl was always about the business of thinning out the demon herd. Too much responsibility on those slim little shoulders of hers. The girl needed to unwind and learn to smile again; get over some of her... issues. Clem frowned and shook his head in disgust. The sound of his ears flapping on his cheeks seemed to have caught her attention, because she stopped before she had the door all the way open
"What?" she asked him.
"Well, you don't really have to rush off do you? Are there big happenings in Sunnydale that I don't know about?"
She managed a tiny little smile at that. He couldn't help wondering if it hurt to smile when the skin was that tight. Other humans seemed to manage it without too much trouble.
"Nothing
unusual, for a hellmouth," she said. "It's been mostly calm ever
since
"Shh!" Clem looked around, worried that the witch might appear in the crypt and decide to have some demon barbecue. "I heard about what she did."
"Yeah, it wasn't a real great year for any of us. But she's away – getting better."
"Whew! Well, hey then, I was getting ready to watch a show and it's not too much fun alone. Used to watch with Spike a lot, but the other guys just don't have much use for this stuff."
"What kind of... stuff?"
He held up his video.
"Emma?" she asked him. "What, with Gwyneth Paltrow? You used to watch historical romances with Spike?"
"Of course not!"
"Whew, I was a little worried there."
"I watched soap operas with Spike."
Buffy choked. "Soap operas?"
"Mostly
'Passions', he really likes that little doll guy and the crazy witch. He used
to watch '
"It
boggles the mind," Buffy mumbled. "Okay, back to Emma. Any hot, young
"I don't care who's in it. I like the story. Have you read it?"
"Read? Like as in a book?"
"Sure." He could see that she wasn't thrilled at the idea of reading Jane Austin, and she was fiddling with her stake again, looking for an excuse to leave. "Just put that thing away and sit down. Even if you don't like the movie, you can eat some Sun Chips. It wouldn't hurt to put some extra flesh on those skinny bones of yours, and they're multigrain too."
"I can see that you're all about the extra flesh."
"Aw, Slayer, don't go getting flirty with me. I have a girlfriend, you know."
"Actually, I didn't."
"Then sit down and watch with me and we'll get better acquainted. I'll tell you all about Gretchen."
Finally, she tucked the stake away and seemed to relax. He gave Buffy a drink to go with her chips and started the movie.
***
"I can't believe how much easier things would be if people would just talk to each other," Buffy said as the movie ended. "This whole thing was about people hiding stuff that they didn't really have to."
"Humans really have problems with that."
"Humans? You're saying that we're the ones who are emotionally screwed up? You eat cute, furry animals."
"Only as a delicacy."
"And you go through life with no job or responsibilities. Is that your idea of reality?"
Clem held up his hands, wiggling his claws at her. "Do you think people would buy a burger and fries from me?" He had her there, and was rewarded with a big smile.
"You have a point. Maybe you could do phone work?"
"I've given it some thought, but I don't really interview well."
"You're okay, Clem."
"You too – for a demon killer."
"Someone has to do it," she told him.
Clem's heart sank as her face took on that look of doom and gloom again. "Is it lonely, being the Slayer?" he asked her.
"Sometimes. Usually." She looked back up at him, a small smile playing on her lips. "Did you know that I've been working with Dawn, teaching her to patrol? She's really pretty good."
"That's good. So where is she tonight?"
"She went to the movies with her friend. Having her older sister tagging along isn't the coolest thing."
Clem understood. "Is that why you came here tonight, to find someone to hang with?" He thought she was going to tense up again, but she seemed to think it over.
"You were right. I came to see if he was back, and if he maybe wanted to go out and blow off some steam... in a purely demon-killing way, and not in any other way that one might choose to use to... blow off steam."
"Gotcha. Maybe I'll try that with Gretchen one of these nights."
"I don't suppose you'd want to...?"
"Me?" Clem said. "You're inviting me to patrol with you?"
"Why not? You're super strong. I mean, aren't you super strong? You look big and you have those sharp teeth and everything."
"Oh yeah, I can inflict serious damage. Just try to take my cheese curls."
She laughed. It was a nice, throaty sound.
"Clem, I would never try to take your cheese curls."
"Good then. I can let you live."
"So how 'bout it?"
"Sure. Just let me turn off the TV. You have any extra stakes?"
"I always have extra stakes. Are you bringing the snacks?"
"I always have extra snacks."
"Let's go, then."
"After you." He held the door for her. He was, after all, a demon with well developed manners. And she was quite a lady. If only she had a few more folds in her skin she might even be a beauty. Give her another sixty years and she could be a hot little number. Spike had always seemed to think she was perfect just the way she was and that he was the one that needed to change. Go figure. It wouldn't hurt for those two to try talking. He'd suggest it.
The door shut with a heavy clang, but it didn't interrupt the friendly chattering of the duo setting out on their mission.