"So, tell me about William."
Buffy squirmed a bit to get
more comfortable on the top step of her back porch. Spike sat beside her, his forearms resting on his thighs, hands
dangling down. It was early March. They had returned from a successful slaying
raid and the evening was still young.
Recently they had gotten into the habit of unwinding together, reliving
the most current battles. Buffy was getting to know the new Spike bit by bit.
"You don't want to know about
him."
"Yes, I do." She turned her
head to study his profile. He was
scowling. Not his best look, but
infinitely better than the distant stare she had become accustomed to. "He's in
you now. I see glimpses of him and he's not what I thought he would be."
He smirked a bit at that.
"And what was that?"
"A punk. A bad ass Cockney
kid looking for trouble in all the wrong places."
His slight grin became a
full-blown smile. "That right?"
Buffy caught her breath. She
hadn't seen him smile in months. It was disarming. "Uh, yeah,,," she'd lost her
track of thought. "What was I? Oh, William.
When I see him he seems,,,"
"Wimpy?"
"No."
"Nancy-boy?"
"Definitely not."
"Nerd."
She nudged him with her elbow
and smiled softly. "I was thinking sensitive. Wow, do you have issues, or
what?"
"You could say that."
"Can't we all?"
"At least you're not a
vampire."
"No. I
just sleep with them,,," she cut off the thought abruptly. She'd wandered into
forbidden territory and they both knew it.
Silence hung heavily between then.
She finally broke it, "So you
gonna tell me?"
He sighed. His fingers
twitched, longing for a cigarette. That was an old and mostly forgotten habit
now, just like so many other things in his unlife. "William," he began
haltingly, "William was a good man. Quiet, unassuming, shy."
Buffy couldn't hold back her
gasp of surprise. He looked at her sharply, annoyed. "D'you want to hear this?"
"Yes. Please," She bit her
lip. "I was just surprised."
He shook his head gently. "I
figured you saw through me."
Buffy glanced down, fiddling
with her fingers. "I guess I never really looked." She returned her gaze to him. "But I'm looking now. Tell me."
"Short version. William had
the misfortune of falling in love with a woman who would never love him back.
Led him to Dru. You know the rest."
Buffy sat up straight. "You
became a vampire because,,,?"
"Because the girl didn't love
me."
"And you got your soul,,,?"
He looked at her, his eyes
direct and calm. "Because you didn't love me."
Buffy couldn't tear her eyes
away from his. He was telling her what she had already known, but had refused
to believe. How many times had her told her and she had abrasively brushed his
words aside? How often had he shown her and she had turned a blind eye?
"Why did you come back?" She
had to know. "All these months you've stayed here, with no encouragement from
any of us. You helped me every time I asked you. You put up with all our
insults and,,, and jokes. Why?"
"You know why," he said
softly, and turned his face away.
The silence stretched long
between then, neither of them knowing what to say. The truths of their choices
hung heavily around them.
"You haven't changed," she
whispered.
His face fell, the hurt
filling his countenance. This wasn't the first time she had flung those words
at him. He'd hoped that maybe this time would be different. He stood to leave.
"Where are you going?"
"Home,,," The word trailed off.
They both knew he had no real home.
"Didn't you hear what I just
said?"
"That I hadn't changed?" He
choked out a harsh, dry laugh. "Heard that one before, love."
"No you haven't!" She stood
and faced him, taking his hands in hers. "I meant that you haven't changed from
the man you were. Not really."
He searched her eyes, looking
for the meaning in her words.
Her hand lifted her hand to
his chest. "You love with all your heart. Completely. Even when it's not
deserved." She stepped back. "I don't deserve it."
"No, Buffy." He stepped
toward her. "You deserve,,,"
"Nothing," she finished, her
voice full of regret.
"Everything."
She looked at him. His eyes
were blazing with conviction. "How can you,,,?"
"Love you?" He finished her
thought. "How could I not?"
Buffy felt a huge knot uncoil
in her chest. The truth of his words spilled over her and warmed her from the
inside out. It had taken her months to finally open up enough to trust him
again. She didn't know what had made her ask him about his past tonight, except
that she was finally ready to hear about it. What she had always wanted had
been hers all along. She moved to him as a moth to a flame. She reached up to
caress his face. She leaned forward and brought her parted lips to his, melting
into him as his arms circled around her. He lifted his head, only the whisper
of a breath separating them. "Buffy, are you sure?"
"Surer than I've been about
anything in a very, very long time." She kissed him again, finally allowing
herself to feel again. It was wonderful. She was finally home. They both were.
*****
Willow walked into Dawn's
bedroom and spotted the girl peering out her window. "Hey Dawnie, have you seen
Buffy?"
"Yeah," Dawn moved over to let
Willow stand beside her. "She's out in the backyard kissing Spike."
"Really?"
"Look at �em."
"Wow. They're really going at
it. Who started it?"
"Buffy. I think she finally
figured it out."
"Took her long enough."
"Looks like she's making up
for lost time."
Willow glanced at the couple
wistfully. "Ah, the smoochies of love," Her voice took on a longing quality. "I
miss those."
"I never saw her mack on
Riley like that."
"She never really loved
Riley. But she used to kiss Angel like that. In the old days." Willow looked at
the couple again. "But even that was never so,,,"
"Hot?" Dawn asked. "Hey, look
at that. Did she just put her hand on his,,,?
Willow closed the curtain and
stepped back. "I think they're going to be busy for a while. How about you and
me go see what's happening at the mall?"
"Sounds good to me."
*****
Buffy distantly noted the
sound of a car leaving her driveway, but was too preoccupied with Spike's lips
and body to take much notice.
"Buffy, love,,," he whispered
against her lips.
"Hmm?" She responded,
refusing to break contact.
"D'you think your neighbors
are enjoying the show?"
"I have neighbors?"
"Last I checked."
"We could move inside,,,"
"Or maybe I should go," he
lifted his head. "If I go inside with you, I might not leave."
She stepped back, studied his
beautiful face, and smiled. "Then let's go inside."
Hands entwined, side by side,
they walked into the kitchen and closed the door.
End