Faith didn’t know where she was… and she really didn’t care.

 

It felt as though she had walked for hours and everything she passed by was a blur, a non-entity, of no importance to her.  She was alone, just like she was supposed to be.  That’s the way it had always been. 

 

She should be used to it. 

 

Get close to people they hurt you.  They disappoint you.  You disappoint them.  That’s how the game was played.

 

She shouldn’t have forgotten that, but she had.  Faith guessed that’s why it hurt so much this time.  She had hoped it would be different. 

 

Faith had broken all of her self-made rules, the ones that had gotten her this far.  Why hadn’t she learned that nothing ever changes?  It might look new on the surface, but underneath it was the same.  It always ended up being the same.

 

She didn’t know what to do or where to go.  Faith felt as if her heart was going to explode in her chest… which she supposed wouldn’t be a bad idea; it would stop the pain wouldn’t it?  The humiliation?

 

Faith stopped walking suddenly.

 

What was she doing?  Why was she so upset?  She was better than all of this and she was better than all of them.  She didn’t need any of them.  She didn’t need anything.  She had been just fine before she had ever heard of Sunnydale.  She could just leave.  Go someplace.  Anyplace but here.  After all this was just a small chunk of her shitty life.  Why was she acting like it was so damned important?

 

She laughed.  “Getting upset over B and a vampire?  How pathetic is that?” she said to the empty night air.  Faith realized that the blood from her nose had dried and it was still there.  Guess she owed B one, didn’t she? 

 

Faith scrubbed the dried blood off with the back of her hand.

 

Bitch!  It wasn’t even her fault.  Since when was she the one to tell everyone’s dark and dirty secrets?  She had enough of her own and she wasn’t about to start in on Spike’s. 

 

So why was she the bad guy all of a sudden?  Because she always ended up being the bad guy. 

 

“Fuck ‘em all,” she shouted out and this time she was running.

 

XXXXX

 

“Look,” Xander said pointing out the window.

 

“What?” Willow asked moving to stand beside him.  She pulled the curtain back.  “Is that Faith’s car?  The one we keep hearing about?”

 

“Looking like it is.” She saw Xander pause and took a closer look.  “But not looking like Faith.”

 

“Oh!  It’s Buffy...”  Willow’s eyes widened.  “And Spike!  Xander, she brought him back.”  Dropping the curtain and turning to him.  “Buffy went and got Spike?”

 

“This can’t be good,” Xander said going to the front door and opening it.

 

“Bloody hell,” Spike said whipping the blanket off of him and tossing it on the floor.  “Figured my blankie days were over.”

 

“Just get out of my way,” Buffy demanded pushing past him and closing the door.  “Will, we need you to do a locater spell.  We need to find Faith.”

 

“Okay,” Willow said.  “I probably have what I need.  I’ll be right back.”  She raced up the stairs.

 

“Color me confused,” Xander said following both Spike and Buffy to the living room.  “We’re finding Faith now?  This morning you were beating her and kicking her out of the house.”

 

Buffy avoided Spike’s eyes and turned towards Xander.  “It wasn’t exactly a beating, Xander.  And yes, we need to find her.”

 

“Seems like Buffy jumped the gun a little.  Isn’t that right Buffy?” Spike said looking at her.

 

“Don’t start blaming me for this, Spike.  If you’d told me yourself this wouldn’t have happened.  You’re as much to blame as I am,” Buffy said defiantly.

 

“You two aren’t going to start in with the fighting again are you?” Xander asked, taking a step backwards.

 

“We’re not fighting,” they said in unison.

 

“We’re discussing,” Buffy added.

 

“Just a ‘lil chat,” Spike declared.

 

“Oh, brother.” Xander shook his head.

 

Willow came bounding down the stairs.  “Got it,” she said. 

 

The gang followed her into the dining room where she unfolded a map of Sunnydale and laid it out on the table.  She held a talisman over the map and began to chant quietly to herself. 

 

“Do you see that?” Xander asked, pointing to a light on the map.

 

“That’s what it should do!” Willow exclaimed. 

 

It looked as if a small-circular light was being shown on the map.  It moved around slowly and finally settled on one spot.

 

“Where is that?” Buffy asked.

 

“Looks like the docks.” Spike indicated, pointing to the oval light.

 

“Then that’s where we’re going.”  She turned and started towards the front door.

 

“You seem to be forgetting one thing,” Spike called out after her.

 

Buffy stopped and turned to face him.  “I didn’t forget.”  She picked up his blanket and tossed it to him.  “Here.  It’s almost dark anyway.”

 

“Oh, thanks ever so.” 

 

“We should come with,” Willow said.  She caught Buffy’s questioning gaze.  “It’s the least we could do,” she said.  “Isn’t that right Xander?”

 

“Umm.  Yea,” he said looking from Willow to Buffy.  “It’s the least we could do.”

 

Buffy and Spike got in the Viper.  Xander and Willow couldn’t since it was only a two-seater; Buffy had decided that they should take both cars to be on the safe side.

 

“Why Buff?  We should take the Viper.  You know… go topless,” Xander suggested.  “Me and Will could sit on the back, like we’re in a parade.  You know, we could wave at all the people as we drive by.”

 

After catching the look Spike shot him, Xander must’ve figured that wasn’t a good idea.  He and Willow ended up following them in Joyce’s jeep.

 

It didn’t take long to get to the docks. 

 

The sun had just gone down when they got out of the car and Spike tossed the blanket on the seat.  “Bloody glad to get rid of that,” he said.

 

Buffy figured it would be a good idea for them to split up.  “Will, you and Xander go that way.” Buffy indicating back the way they had just come.  “Go all the way out and work your way back.  Check everything.  She’s here somewhere.  Spike and I will work our way back towards you.  She’s here, we’ll find her.  Questions?”  Buffy glanced at each of them to see if there were any.  “Good.  Let’s go.”

 

XXXXX

 

‘Will you tell me now?” Buffy asked, glancing at Spike as they walked.

 

“Tell you what?”  Confusion gathered in his eyes.

 

“If you were ever going to tell me?” Buffy stopped walking and looked at him.

 

Spike stopped beside her, turning to face her.  “I don’t know.”

 

Buffy waited.  She could tell there was more he needed to say, but she also knew he was struggling for words.  Was she pushing him?  She didn’t think so.  It was something she wanted, no, needed to know and deserved to know.  Right now was as good as a time as any to find out.

 

She reached out and touched his cheek.  “Just tell me.”  Buffy wasn’t sure if he was going to respond, because he didn’t have the chance to.

 

Faith came from out of nowhere.

 

She flew at both of them, knocking Buffy out of the way and sending her flying into garbage that was scattered along the dock.  The force of Buffy’s landing brought down cans, boxes and other debris, burying her underneath. 

 

Buffy hated being buried.

 

Faith was focused on Spike.  She landed on top of him, straddling him and pummeling his chest with her fists over and over again.  Spike tried to talk to her, but he couldn’t say anything.  Faith wasn’t giving him the chance.  She was caught up in hitting him and yelling at him.  Each time she struck him, she got louder until she was screaming.

 

Buffy laid sprawled flat on her back, struggling to get up.  Every time she tried to push something off, something else fell.  Still, she could hear Faith yelling, but she hadn’t heard Spike since he had hit the ground and she had gone flying.

 

She finally worked herself partially free, enough to sit up.  Where did it all this stuff come from?  She pushed boxes, papers, and cans off her legs.  Now if she could clear the rest off she might actually be able to stand up. 

 

“Why did I trust you?” Faith screamed.  “You lousy son-of-a-bitch.  You’re just like everyone else.  You’re a fucking vampire.  I’m a Slayer.  I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago.”

 

Faith retrieved a stake from her waistband and held it high over Spike’s heart.  “You were dead once.  I’ll make you dead again.  How does that sound?  Does that sound like a plan to you?  Everything can go back to the way it used to be.” 

 

Buffy was seized by panic and tried to scramble through the garbage and make her way towards them on her hands and knees. 

 

Spike must have caught her out of the corner of his eye because he finally managed to yell, “No Buffy!” 

 

She tentatively stopped, finally able to stand up.  She brushed the remaining trash from her clothes.  Holding back like this was going against her gut, but she respected Spike’s wishes. God knew this wasn’t the first time he’d been on the receiving end of a half-crazed Slayer’s rage.

 

Faith acted like she hadn’t heard him yell.  She raised the stake even higher and clutched it in both hands.

 

Spike spoke softly, “What are you waiting for?”

 

Something changed in Faith.  Buffy saw it.  Faith’s eyes seemed to finally focus on him and she looked up at the stake in her hands.  Realization dawning, she dropped it and tried to scramble off of him. 

 

Spike wouldn’t let her go.  He grabbed Faith by her arms and then her shoulders, pulling her down to him tightly and then wrapped his legs around hers so she couldn’t move. 

 

Faith struggled to get him to let her go, but it was all for nothing.  He only held her closer, whispering something quietly in her ear.

 

Faith finally gave in and she began sobbing uncontrollably in Spike’s arms.  Buffy wasn’t sure if it was from pain or frustration… or maybe a little bit of both.

 

Not able to watch anymore, Buffy turned away.

 

XXXXX