This is my response to someone who was wondering about our family's descision not to spank our kids. It occurred in a Christian Homeschooling Forum.
The mom had this to say...
The Bible says in Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares his rod hates his son,
but he who loves him disciplines him promptly." And Proverbs 22:15 says
"foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, the rod of correction
will drive it far from him." And Proverbs 23:13 "Do not withhold
correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell." The scripture seems to say that we should use a "rod" to correct our children. Not my method, but God's. And also we should be teaching them "self-control",a fruit of the spirit.
My response...
I have read these verses and understand their meanings to be that we should correct our kids by bringing them back to God. Shepherds use rods to guide their sheep back away from danger, they use the crook to lead them to safety. If a shepherd beats his sheep he risks causing them to panic and lose trust in him. Why would I strike(or mistreat) my child and risk having him turn completely from me(and God)?
Spanking(for clarification, it was with my hand on his bottom, not legs, and not hard enough to leave bruises) my son never agreed with me. In fact it
made me sick to my stomach every time I did it. It also felt like just a
"quick fix" that did neither of us any good, it didn't get to the root of
the misunderstanding. That's why I didn't do it often. As my son got older
I would nearly faint from it and be ill for hours afterward. As far as the other methods go(vinegar, etc.), I find them equally abhorrant. Can you imagine at age 3(or younger) having your mom, someone you love and
trust 100%, put some vile tasting substance in your mouth for reasons you aren't
old enough to understand? It constitutes cruel and malicious treatment and teaches nothing but fear to an innocent child.
The verse you quoted, Proverbs 23:13 "Do not withhold correction from a
child, for if you beat him with a rod...."
You also stated that you believe in plain definition of "rod". I also believe in a real "rod" but it doesn't have to be physical to be real.
It could be my voice, my arm(as in putting it around the shoulders of my
child) or a look that shows my displeasure. I think some have the mistaken
notion that those of us who don't spank don't do anything else either. To
beat can mean to "win against someone else, as in a race or a game", not
just to "win against them with physical superiority". Correction means to
tell someone the "right" or "correct" way to do something or to fix a
mistake.
So a translation might be thus: "Don't keep from telling your child right
from wrong. You can win him over as a shepherd who uses his rod to gently
guide his sheep back to the path(way to God)...".
Consider this:
If God left a beautiful, brand-new minivan in your driveway would you take a baseball bat to it? Of course not!!
Our children are our MOST PRECIOUS gifts from God, why
would we damage them by striking them and treating them with cruelty? Even
if you believe you are spanking "in love" it does the same damage. Try
hitting that minivan "in love", it will have the same dents as if you hit it
in anger because it is the same physical act no matter how it is reconciled
in your mind.
God has revealed that my kids are not bad people but vibrant, intelligent,
compassionate beings. There is never a reason to use a violent, malicious, cruel reation against them. That doesn't mean we would not use a physical action to save them from injury such as grabbing them from the edge of the pool or a busy street. When conflicts or transgressions arise we, as a family, examine how we could use the problem as a lesson to teach with rather than an act to be punished. Trust me, it works!
These are very informative, thought-provoking and affirming websites.
Empathic Parenting Journal of the Canadian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children
Parenting in Jesus Footsteps.org(excellent site with lots of good links).
Natural Family Online something a bit different!
Mothering.com the Magazine of Natural Family Living