052105As spring and the end of college simultaneously approached this year, the engagements happened like whoa. Every corner I turned brought about another female acquaintance with another diamond ring. Idle chat before class became discussions about dress length and table settings. I found myself drowning in a sea of soon-to-be brides. With all this talk of forever, I slowly realized I�m nowhere near that point. I can�t imagine loving and trusting someone so much that you want to be ceremoniously tied to this person until death do you part. I used to believe in that kind of love. I had those feelings for two males in my life. The first, while deciding I wasn�t the one for him, broke my heart, but it wasn�t until the second that I lost my faith in the opposite sex. He had a pair of wandering eyes, which intensified when he turned 21 and I still had two months to go. I�d hear bar stories about getting a phone number from this girl or dancing all night with that girl. The more I sat at home, the more I began to resent him. He was the first to make me utter the words, �Men are scum.� It may be hard to believe I think this way, but it�s true. Despite all my sappy rants, I�m not sure if I believe in love anymore. I�ve had too many males wreck it for me. You can say the second guy was a loser and that I deserve better, but where is better? Everything I�ve run into lately has convinced me that better doesn�t exist. I might as well settle for the best that comes along. Maybe it�s my age. Maybe individuals in their 20s aren�t ready to settle down. Maybe we don�t know how to truly treat each other right, something that comes with the maturity and experience we have yet to gain. Maybe I�m destined to be let down for a few more years, then some white knight will come along and sweep me off my feet and I�ll forget every bad date, every sloppy kiss and every tear shed. Part of me wants to believe I�ll be fine, but leaving four years of college without a special someone puts me that much closer to becoming a spinster. Maybe I�m meant to be forever cynical. I am a journalist, after all. Response from my friend Bryan: Hey now. I am not going to tell you that the second guy wasn't good enough because you obviously already know that. But there are a few of us guys that are okay. I think you are correct when you said people in their 20s aren't ready to settle down...but I think that is mental age or maturity or whatever you want to call it. I don't think there is someone meant for someone else - or true love. You have to make the relationship, create the love. Jackie and I were like that. When I first saw her I said, "no way," and now look at me. Now I have a girl choosing bath towels and kitchen utensils for me. Oh, and some really ugly bed sheets, but they make her really smiley, so she can keep them. Anyway, things will work out. You are just starting out. And I don't think it is necessarily true that for someone to be successful they need to get married, settle down, the normal stuff. Even if you don't do those things you are already a success in my book - working for the Star Tribune no less! Congrats on graduating. Good luck in the future! And if you are ever in Ames or Des Moines (God forbid), stop by and visit. 051705To the j-school class of 2005: Thank you for making my four years at the University of Minnesota absolutely wonderful. I grew to love Murphy Hall, not as a classroom, but as a second home � especially with days (and nights) spent in the lab. It was always an incredible feeling to walk in and have at least three people say, �Hey Molly!� On a campus of tens of thousands of students, I liked knowing I�d found my place. Despite my print background, I was taken in by the broadcast crew. You all were more fun than I�d ever imagined. Endless nights at Sturb�s, theme parties in apt. 6, countless stories to keep me warm when I�m 65. Tyler, Lou, Rabbi, Anthony and Allen, you boys will always have a place in my heart. Your rendition of �Afternoon Delight� will go down in history and will surely be requested at any j-school reunions. And to the broadcast ladies � Sarah, Laura, Alison, Emily and Lacey � I�ll never forget out chats about life, love and journalism over Mac monitors. Also, SPJ became a big part of my life. After serving as vice president my junior year, I took a position cut the following fall because of work constraints and became the social chair. New York City in September 2004 was just the beginning. As it turns out, I never had more fun planning parties for our crazy bunch of journalists. Hanuramakwanzamas was the ultimate holiday shindig. There are still remnants of wrapping paper at the top of my walls, mind you. And to the others who�ve made indelible imprints on my life, don�t think I�ve forgotten about you: Jenny, Cody, Craig, Valerie and Jake. First as classmates, then as friends, you�ve shown me the true meaning of togetherness. We�ll always have Zerby�s class and his incessant tears. And as a note for the future, it may look good...but it can be cropped. All of you have become my j-school family over the years. You�ve laughed with me, cried with me, maybe even skipped class with me. But regardless of where I met you or how long I�ve known you, you�re all important. I can�t imagine a life without you all in it, making graduation a bit more bittersweet than I intended. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thanks for four years of memories that will never be forgotten. Wherever life takes you, remember you�ve always got a friend in me. I love you guys! 051605I�ve been in a pre-graduation haze for the past few weeks. I landed a reporting job at a destination paper with little news experience. I came home to find a 2005 New Jetta with maroon and gold streamers adorning it in my parent�s garage. I finished my classes four days early, ending my college career Tuesday of finals week. I�ve spent night after night at the bars, celebrating with my classmates and friends, toasting our futures. But last night at 8:11 p.m., it all came crashing down. Yesterday was commencement, a day I�d been looking forward to for four years. I put on my cap and gown, joined my friends in Northrop and walked across that stage with a beaming smile on my face. I was on a high as I sauntered into the bright sunlight after the ceremony, thinking things would only get better. Many photographs later, my family dropped me off at home. I came into the empty house and called a good friend to share in the moment. When I hung up, I stood in the middle of my room. It was surprisingly quiet, inside and out. I walked to the mirror and looked at my graduation reflection. I slid the hat off my head and slowly unzipped the gown. That�s it, it�s over, I thought to myself. Shaking the feeling, I quickly changed into jeans and a t-shirt and headed out. After a few hours of movies on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I took the Jetta for a spin and ended up at Alexis� grave. I told her of the day�s events, spoke of my new car and job, and mentioned my love life. When I finished, I sat there staring into the emptiness of the cemetery. For the second time that day, I was alone. Why, on one of the biggest days of my life, was there nobody everywhere I went? I wiped away a tear from under my sunglasses. I returned home to find an empty house yet again. Lou needed me to return a packet he�d left in my car, so I was happy for the distraction. When I reached his front step, he greeted me in a dress shirt and slacks. He told me I�d missed quite a graduation party, complete with emotional speeches and many teary-eyed guests. I apologized for not coming and quickly skidded out the door. Back inside my old, run-down house, I walked into my bedroom and crumpled against the bed. I sat on the floor sobbing, a mix of every emotion I�d felt that day spilling from my eyes. I thought of Alexis and how she�d never get to experience graduation. I remembered the smiles of my fellow j-schoolers as we held our diplomas, wondering how many of them I�d never see again. I was mad at myself for missing the party � the speeches, the tears, the feelings we�ve grown for each other. I was frustrated about my love life, wishing I�d had someone special to share my day with instead of the scattered dates and random hook-ups that�s become my pattern. All of it was pouring into the tissue I held against my face. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine graduation would have such an effect on me. I figured it was just another day, one of many in the string of life�s occurrences. But it wasn�t. Yesterday was the beginning of the end of everything I�ve known for four years � roughly one-fifth of my life. As the saying goes, all good things� It�s too bad I�m not ready for this chapter to be over. 050705Apparently journalists have a hard time staying married. I recently learned that my role model, Mr. Mike Zerby himself, divorced his wife, then re-married her seven years later. While the story has a happy ending, the point is for seven years, they weren�t together. I hear the same thing over and over from professionals in the field. Don�t work nights. Don�t take assignments overseas. Don�t do this, don�t do that. Word on the streets is if you want to have a good home life, journalism is the wrong field for you. While I want a job that makes me happy, deep down inside, it�s more important to me to have a family. I want the house with a wrap-around front porch, two kids, two dogs, a big yard � and maybe a white picket fence, if my husband is crafty enough. I want to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary. I want children that become successful in whatever career path they choose. And while I�d be content if I spent my days chasing down stories and reporting the truth, justice and the American way, if that took me away from my husband and children, I�d give it up in a heartbeat. Family ranks No. 1 with me. I can�t see myself becoming a stay-at-home mom, but I�ve always had the idea of working for a few years to establish myself. Because of that, when the time comes to pop a few babies out, I can freelance and be home for the chitlins. I grew up sans time at a child care center and I believe I�m a better person because of it. I�d like to think I can do the same for my children. Don�t get me wrong; I do not want to get married right now. My ideal situation would be to date someone for two, maybe three years, do the engagement/wedding thing, then spend a few years being selfish before bringing children into the world. I think it�s important to revel in your new marriage without worrying about money for diapers or getting up for a 4 a.m. feeding. But with the job I�m about to start and the way my livelihood could progress, are my goals within reach? Since there is no man in my life, I may as well report the shit out of life for the time being. I can work overtime when I want, take on obscure stories at obscure hours of the day, even move if need be. There�s no one to worry about but me right now. And I should take advantage of that, right? But with all that in mind, it�d be comforting to know that somewhere down the road, a day will come when I stop living for myself. 050205As hard as we all try, it�s impossible to look forward without looking back. And in the relationship game, a peek into the past can be a painful reminder of how you got screwed � big time. So in order to avoid said screwing a second time, you do the complete opposite of your previous mistakes, only to hurt the new one you�ve grown close to. Why should they pay for something that occurred back in the day? When a significant other�s rash and unexplainable sudden move leaves you wondering what just happened, more often than not, it�s a case of the ex factor. Plain and simple, the ex factor is what causes us to run and hide at any similarity to a past relationship, presumably one that ended on bad terms. If a former female was controlling and made you check in at all hours, the new girl who innocently asks of your plans for boys� night will force you to question just how much you really like her. Cause: the ex factor. If your recent romance was involved in an unsuccessful long-distance relationship, he�ll shudder when you mention life after graduation in a different locale and contemplate ending it so he doesn�t have to go through that again. Cause: the ex factor. Try to fight it, if you will, but the past comes back to haunt you at the most unsuspecting times and places. Why is it so hard to let go of the pain from our former flames? How can we truly believe the person we�re with now is light years different from Bitchy McLooselips or Jerkface von Cheatsalot? When did we stop losing trust in other people? The ex factor affects us all at some point in time. Even I�m guilty of dropping someone because he did this one thing that reminded me of this one time with this one guy. It�s hard for anyone to let their guard down. But frankly, it all comes down to trust. If you�re not ready to accept that all they say and do might be for real, then get the hell out of the dating pool. You don�t even deserve to be wading.
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