062605Dedicated to my friend, JW, who requested this column in May: You meet, you date, you bring home to mom and dad, but then you fight, you bicker, you break up. So goes the dating cycle. And when that relationship ends, you mope, you cry, you wonder how you�ll ever live your life without them�until someone new catches your eye: the rebound relationship. We�ve all been through them. It�s so easy to cling to someone new who gives you the same attention that Mr. X or Ms. Y did. Sure, they don�t wear the same cologne or style their hair identically, but you once again have someone to call at night. A rebounder has the knack of filling those spaces in time when all you wanted to do was shoot yourself to end your misery. But now you don�t have to: You�ve got someone new to take the edge off. Aren�t you lucky! That�s all rebound relationships are, really. It�s a way to feel better about yourself while still grieving for your recently departed lover. Your rebounder may or may not know of your past participle, so it�s best to keep it under wraps unless confronted at bars, parties or in a dark alley. Can a rebounder turn into something more? No. With rebound relationships, you haven�t had time to properly reflect on what went wrong before bringing someone new into the equation. Plus, there�s the potential that you and the ex said some stupid things that could be worked on, resulting in reconciliation. We all know how awkward it is to tell your current love, �I�m sorry, but my ex and I are getting back together.� You just wasted a lot of someone�s time and will forever be known as The Bitch or The Ass. We don�t want that now, do we? So do society a favor and stay off the market for a couple of months. And if there is this magical new person that�s entered into the picture, tell them straight up they�re a rebounder. Let them make the decision whether to stick it out. Just like in sports as in life, getting a rebound doesn�t mean you�re going to score. 062405I have a knack for getting ahead of myself when it comes to guys. Since the last update, the dating scene finds our heroine without a phone call from main guy more than a week after their last get-together and not speaking with secondary spot filler since he exposed his previous engagements at the end of dinner (aka he has a girlfriend). This means no mans anywhere. Lately, my love life has run in cycles like this. I find myself awash in a sea of phone numbers and first dates, but after the tide rolls out, there�s no one but me on the beach. Cheesy metaphors aside, I�ve been told that�s how this whole dating thing works. You get slammed, you go on dry spells. Luckily for me, I have yet to hit a long drought. But in all honesty, there is someone I�d like to be with. It�s been this way for a while now, too. However, I seem to lack the guts to tell him in person, mainly because I have a feeling it�d change nothing. My friends all tell me I�m crazy. They say he�s no good for me, that he�s a waste of my time. But he has this effect on me that I�ve never felt before. That�s why I�m not giving up. Despite all the time he�s let me down or hurt my feelings or said the wrong things, I keep coming back. Because if I can feel this way when we�re not together, I can only imagine what it�d be like if things were different. I just want to be with him. I wish life was that simple. 061905You want candid, good ol� fashioned Molly World? Read on. I try to tell myself that I�m going to be a one-man woman. Then someone cute crosses my path and it all goes out the door. Being single is weird like that. You have to ability to date whomever, whenever, so you do it - and quite often, if you�re me. The girl who used to love the idea of monogamy now finds herself wondering how she�ll pick between all the fine specimens. I�ve got an interesting rotation right now. There�s the main guy. I like him a lot, but his work schedule and frequent trips away from the city prevent us from seeing each other more than once or twice a week. Unfortunately, I don�t roll that way. I like my men here and available. But he does open the car door for me, likes to try new restaurants and enjoys watching movies, so I�m keeping him around to find out what happens. Then there�s the secondary spot filler. This position is meant to change frequently, like Minnesota weather. I�ve been flirting with this one kid for a while, but haven�t gone on any actual dates. That will change tomorrow, oddly enough. He has potential, but I have yet to be in a situation where I can see it face to face. I�ll report back. And then there�s the fuck buddy. It hits peaks and valleys with him, but never seems to fully diminish. When main guy came around, I thought fuck buddy would be done for good. But main guy�s lack of being here caused me to find a quick and dirty replacement. However, I don�t sleep with two guys at once, so when main guy and I get around to getting busy, fuck buddy will be no more. He is incredibly intoxicating, though, which is probably why he�s stuck around for more than three months. I can�t seem to find one guy and just be anymore because I�m having a hell of a time being single. Nine months ago, who woulda thunk it? The infinite variety is a fantastic option that everyone should get a chance to enjoy. Besides, how will you know what to hang on to later in life when the m-word appears on the horizon if you haven�t sampled a good portion of the meat? Before you buy the car, you better take it for a test drive. 061105On the fourth level of the Science Museum on a chilly Saturday in May in a half-empty banquet room, he held out his hand and asked me to dance. Don�t they always say the last place you expect to find someone turns out to be the first? 060305I want to meet someone who takes my breath away. I want to be able to look into his eyes and have time stand still. I want a smile, dimple optional, that makes me fall in love over and over again. I want the tingle in the small of my back that happens when I not only want somebody, but I can�t get enough of them. I want flowers just because. I want to sigh when he walks in a crowded room and think to myself, �Yeah, that�s my guy.� I want to feel so comfortable that I fall asleep in his arms without trying. I want him to open doors and offer me an arm as I walk in heels. I want pizza by candlelight and McDonalds in dress clothes. I want to open my eyes each morning and see him sleeping next to me. I want it all. And this time around, I�ll settle for nothing less. 060205Everyone steals when they�re younger. It seems so easy to slip that pack of gum in your pocket and walk out of the convenience store, so you do it. But as fate has it, guilt � or your mother � steps in and makes you return the pilfered merchandise. From that point on, you know never to steal again. It�s a life lesson everyone must learn for themselves. As we get older, the answers fade from black and white to a solid gray. It�s never yes or no, right or wrong. It�s sacrifice this or lose that, pass on this in exchange of that. Emotions set in and we begin to think more with our feelings, less with our rationality. It would seem the mind is always right, but is it? When a soul-stirring question hangs in the balance, is it better to listen to our head or our heart? Love is an undying quest for selfless attention. No matter how much we admit we don�t want or need it, it never goes away. And like it or not, most of our interior battles come from an exterior source we can�t get enough of. We get advice from friends who have been down that road before. We see the scenario play out in front of our eyes on TV and in movies. When it comes down to it, we know exactly what we�re supposed to do. It�s just so damn hard to do it. Our heart tugs us one way. We conjure up all the good memories in a montage rivaling the last episode of Full House. At times like these, it�s hard to see through the fog. Happiness clouds reality and we make rash decisions that may effect our mental wellbeing for an eternity. Luckily, our head steps in at the right moment, showing us the err of our daze. It recalls time after time of broken promises and smashed dreams, the sadness and the anger. Who�s to say one way is better than the other. Following either involuntary function could make you happy. But it�s the choice that�s the tricky part. We�ve all stood at that fork in the road, peering down each side, hoping to get a glimpse of our future. Unfortunately, there�s no right or wrong anymore. Like a wise man once said, with great love comes great risks. Let�s just hope your risk is worth taking.
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