03 May 2008

03 May 2008

Quote:

"...in the real world, freedom means you have to admit authorship, even when your story turn out to be a stinker..."
(Steve Tolz - A Fraction of The Whole)

Moaning

I should have written earlier, but I was depressed. Sort of. I don't suffer from depression, but I might have been heading towards burnout syndrome.
But I feel better now. I guess most of all I need to know that people are listening - that's why I do all the moaning in the first place. (I'm not really a negative person.)
I fear I tend to employ very extreme measure just to make sure people are listening... Not wise!

I had my Annual Review the other week, and it was shocking to hear that my boss believes that I am "fed up, disillusioned and depressed". She begged me to tell her before quitting, as she doesn't want to lose me and might have another position within the company for me.

Do I want to quit?
Well, I've been contemplating it, but I know it would never be more than an over-the-top hissy fit -- the issues that bother me so much are the normal, little, niggly issues that never get resolved -- in any company!
So why are they bothering me so much?
Am I a perfectionist?
Am I just tired?
Do I need a holiday?

I probably DO need a holiday, but as I'm saving all my holidays for George-related events, I will not get any "me" time in the foreseeable future. (decades, please!)

It's all a matter of attitude anyway, and of "small steps".
However, it's hard to summon up the strength for this kind of confidence when you are so tired out and frustrated.
Certain things at work just make me feel so SAD. Sad on a human level.
WHY are people so stupid? It's so embarrassing for all of us.

I want to be a manager like Benjamin Sisco is a captain. Firm, but caring; fair. But then HE believes in his staff, because he HAS the BEST staff! And his staff care.
I am very doubtful my staff care. Actually, I believe they don't give a shit and they deliberately want to jeopardize our projects, and punish me and the project managers for even sending them work.
There you go: If THAT's not an issue...

So that was work.
Any other complaints?
Last month I went to London for the "The End" DJ gig. And it depressed me, too.
The gig was great, but I just couldn't help but feel like a complete idiot. The atmosphere was fabulous, people were having a great time on whatever drugs they were on: dancing, flirting, partying... and then George comes on and suddenly half a dozen of totally UNCOOL "fans" cling to the DJ booth and spoil it all?! I didn't want to be a part of it. God, he must HATE it!!
I might never go to any DJ gig ever again!

Experimental Travel

Yesterday I went to Antwerp. I just jumped on a plane after work, spent a couple of hour there, and returned on a morning flight. Talk about extreme!
I had booked the flight about a month ago, but the DJ gig I had intended to got to got cancelled. Apparently it was never confirmed in the first place. But who would trust in whatever CODA say?!
All of Antwerp definitely believed the gig was confirmed, and if anybody KNEW if was not, they cleverly did not let on so that people would continue to buy many, many tickets for the "Antwerp Dance Festival". What a pile of crap! I was expecting to see throngs of people roaming the streets, waltzing from club to club... There were 50 (!) people in the club at peak time. I counted them. 5 were in the room at 3 AM when George was "supposed" to be on.

When I arrived, I asked the club's night manager if the gig was going ahead. He ensured me that it was.
I asked: "Wasn't it cancelled?"
He said: "No, it's not cancelled!"
Me: "Are you SURE?!"
He: "Oh, with Boy George you never know. Haha. He changed his flights a lot..." (?)
Me: "What do you mean? Did you book him and pay him to come?"

I hate it if they make it sound like he wasn't there because he's some sort of unreliable diva, when in fact it was the organizers fault and they were lying about the gig being confirmed in order to sell more tickets!

Whatever, I flew over just to check for myself, but I didn't expect the gig to happen.
I went because I had the flights booked an paid for, and because one of the organizers messaged me 30 minutes before my train left and confirmed that the gig WAS going ahead. (Mental note: Do not trust Belgians, do not buy off them!)

So I decided I might as well enjoy the travel experience.
And I DO enjoy travelling, especially extreme travelling like that!
Come on! Many people actually enjoy climbing mountains, or trekking deserts! Why?! Give me an airport disaster ANY time!

So I got to fly on a Fokker 50-seater twice, and even got to see London City airport (where the return flight made an unexpected stop). I got to see Antwerp again, walked a lot (and it did NOT rain!), met some Belgians, met Gwynn & husband, had the "pleasure" to listen to Milk.Inc (apparently the biggest thing since moules & frites, but welcome to join Room 101 together with Evanescence, if you ask ME), discussed genocide with an Albanian taxi driver from Macedonia, and still made it back by 12 PM on Saturday. Try to cram in MORE into a Friday night!

Big expectations

New tour dates have been announced.
I say "dates"... talk about dozens, and dozens, and dozens...!
OH MY GOD! I hope he knows what he's getting himself into (as if!).
20ish dates in the US and Canda, 29 dates in the Uk in October, plus several others jotted around early summer.

Trouble is: the USA dates are still up in the air, and I am waiting, waiting, waiting for confirmation so that I can book flights to California!
It will be SO expensive to fly there in the summer! Doh!
But hey - what BETTER opportunity to go for a week?! Stephen will have to come. And because he's coming, I will have to skip some of the gigs just to be able to do some sightseeing in San Francisco (all the gigs are around LA).

I cannot do any more American dates, because I can't take days off at that time. Otherwise I might have stayed for the West-Canadian dates - I really would like to go...

We now have the full list of October/November UK dates, too.
It was exciting to cobble them together by ourselves before them being officially confirmed, but who would have guessed bloody CHESTERFIELD?! LOL
I have made a brave decision and will NOT attend ALL gigs - even though I easily could, by simply taking 9 days of holidays in total. But i don't want to blow all my holidays on the October tour - I need at least a week for November, and I still suspect that there will be European dates in early 2009.

So Kristine, Kenneth, Sibylle and I efficiently set up a "tour plan" that looks suspsiciously like a nurses' "work roster" - make sure there's always at least one person covering George! LOL
Kenneth is the only one intending to do ALL of the gigs, and ALL in first row (because he's a "gold digger" LOL).
It is true though: 2008 is SO MUCH MORE than we would ever have imagined in our wildest dreams! A comeback via touring!
And we have NOT been spoilt with concerts in the past decades... one, two a year maximum.
Next week, there's a gig in Leiceister -- and it's already almost sold out!! Bless!

Real Evil and Going to Hell and Stuff

I have finished watching the WHOLE box set of DS9. And what now?! It doesn't even have a proper end, so IS THERE HOPE FOR MORE?!
It's SUCH a brillaint series, it is THE BEST EVA indeed!!
Yes, and all the esoteric shit is brilliant as well!!

Speaking of which, I cannot help but be impressed at the paralells between the fictitious Kai Winn / Gul Dukat and the "real life ("real"-if-you-ever-manage-to-get-yourfat-ass-out-of-your-Grismby-bedroom/New-Jersey-mental-home)" Barbara / Kavananlips!

By the way, it's not THEM going to hell, it's us! Me, Kristine, Kenneth ("the blond man") - and George, of course! How good to know we'll have nice company!
Apparently, I am leading a campain trying to KILL Audun. Blimey! they even want to tip me off to the police.
I'll be waiting for that knock on the door, then.
See you in court!

The End, 23 April 2008: