Be More Like Me
Individuality
One foot in the grave, and one foot on the pedal, I was
born a rebel.
For those two or three of you out there, who have had the good fortune to
read all of my rantings and ravings (God bless your souls), you know that
in the past, I have offered my opinions on how to solve some of the racial
issues that pop up in our otherwise worthless culture from day to day,
however implausible they may be.
I just mention that, because, racism, and culture, and the like, can
closely be linked to individuality. To get to the point, being an
individual sucks, yet, everyone seems to claim to be one, even though,
they are still part of a group of very similar people. For example,
you�ve got the freak at the indie record store, dying his hair purple,
wearing a nose ring, because he wants to be an individual, although every
clerk, at every record store, looks, and acts the same.
And what is worse than these people existing, is that they all want to
label everyone else, and that�s what irks me. So what, if I want to
listen to some Pink Floyd, and watch Easy Rider? Does that make me a
stoner? And what if I walk into a record store, and because, I�m down
with the Wu-tang Clan, I buy the Method Man�s new album? Does that mean
you need to think of me as the dreaded "wigger"? And I sure as hell don�t
want the black girl at the register giving me the "evil-eye", cause whitey
shouldn�t be listening to rap. When I buy a Madonna album, or listen to
Ani Difranco, I don�t need to be considered a queer. And if I don�t cut
my hair, or comb it, I don�t want to be labeled a hippie, or an anarchist,
or a revolutionary.
To quote, I just want to be who I am, without labels, or opinions. But
since society can�t seem to understand that, since most people are too
slow, or illogical, I think we should do away with individuality. And it
wouldn�t be hard. It would just take a few generations, and a little work
on our part, to make the work a better place for the offspring we choose
to bring into this wretched life as a cruel joke.
The first change will be uniformity. All clothes will be destroyed, and
everyone will dress the same. Men will wear khaki pants, and white polo
shirts, with black shoes, like a whole world of conformed frat boys.
Girls will where simple black skirts, and white sweaters. None of that
plaid stuff, because we don�t want to drive the perverts into a frenzy
when it looks to much like school uniforms.
To further our uniformity, we will do away with hair. Everyone will be
bald. Totally bald. Legs, chest, head, armpits, "down there." With no
hair color or styles, each of us will begin to look more like the others.
The final step will be the complex one. The one that will take a little
time, but will be done. Everyone knows that race is an important key to
individuality, so I suggest we do away with it. This will be achieved by
intelligent breeding practices. No one will ever sleep with someone of
the same race again. Children, will not be allowed to sleep with anyone
that has the same race as either of their parents. In just a few
generations, color can be eliminated, and everyone will be a nice shade of
Homer Simpson yellow. Not to mention, with everyone breeding in an
organized fashion, we can eliminate differences in height, religion, and
weight as well.
Then there will be no more stares from the clerks, when you choose to buy
a certain album, because everyone one of us will be able to say, that we
have some black blood in us, or Caucasian, or even Eskimo.
I know this is a revolutionary theory, and not everyone will agree at
once. I expect to run into a little opposition, but that won�t stop me
from doing my part. From this day on, I�ll not sleep with any white
women. Or at least white women with brown hair and brown eyes.
Furthermore, I will no longer use contraceptives, so that way, maybe I can
impregnate as many girls as possible, and therefore, heat up the melting
pot, and eventually, make the world a better place.
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