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Black History Month
This is not, a black and white world, to be alive, the
colors must be swirled.
Now, if you are like me, and let’s first admit, most of you aren’t that
lucky (misfortunate), you have no idea why this month exists.
First, I want to iterate that I am not a racist, so don’t accuse me of
that.
I just don’t understand the point. Constantly, you hear about black
people who want to be treated equal, and you hear them complain about how
they are "kept down by the man." Usually, the ones complaining are not
the industry leaders, or the college educated, but instead, the crack
mom’s, and welfare recipients. (Welfare is another pointless idea.)
So, if equality is the goal, why do they need a special month? I see the
point in Martin Luther King Day ( which isn’t even in Black History
Month)—the man was a leader, who accomplished a lot. If there was ever a
Malcolm X Day, I would probably emigrate. But an entire month, given to
one race? And it isn’t as if they are the founders of this nation. I
mean, if anything, we should have an Native American History Month, where
we could all learn about hunting and gathering. But, I’ve never heard a
Native American whining about needing a special month. Perhaps because
they are too busy focusing on important issues, like how they are degraded
by sports mascots, or perhaps, because I don’t recall ever really knowing
a Native American.
Now, I am not proposing to do away with Black History month, because we
all know what kind of anarchy would come from the mere suggestion. We all
remember the Rodney King riots. Instead, I think we should make a large
stride for the cause of equality. So everyone, petition your Congress
members, put signs in your front yards, and tie a ribbon of every color
around your antenna. From now on, January will be Native American History
month. We’ll continue through the year, with February remaining Black
History Month. March, will be Asian Month, and April, Latino Month. May
can be for the Caucasians, and June for the Jews. If we don’t have enough
races for twelve months, we’ll breed a new one. If we don’t have enough
months for the races, we’ll change the calendar. After all, if Julius and
Augustus Caesar were worthy of their own months, we certainly could add a
Clintonember, right?
But maybe that isn’t enough, so we’ll change the sports teams as well. To
counteract the Giants, we’ll need a team called the Midgets. Of course,
there are the Chiefs, and the Braves, and the Indian. So maybe we’ll
change a few teams, and have the Atlanta Honkeys, and the Oakland Afros,
and maybe even the New York Fighting Hebrews.
But it won’t stop there—I mean, what about the NAACP, and the African
American College Fund, and the Miss Black America Pageant? I propose
there be an NAAWP (for the Advancement of White People), an Asian American
College Fund, and a Miss Arab American Pageant. Of course, others issues
of discrimination may come up, so there better be an Mrs. Arab American
Pageant as well.
Undoubtedly, even with these solutions, which are obviously a work of pure
genius, other problems will arise, but these issues can be dealt with in
the same manner. By simply giving every little organization their own
special day of recognition, I think all hatred will be stomped out in
relatively no time, and we can return to the golden days of the sixties,
where peace, and love, and hard core drugs prevailed.
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