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Stupid Foreigners
She was an American girl, raised on promises.
A lot of people annoy me with their endless yapping. Professors,
conservatives, baseball fanatics, Bible thumpers, feminists, celebrities,
the list goes on and on.
But far and away, the worst are the loud mouthed foreigners.
Now, I don�t mean to suggest all foreigners are bad. I have met a lot of
people from other nations who are great. I have friends from other
countries, who are a lot of fun to be around. And I�m sure there are
plenty of people in other countries that deserve my respect. Most earn my
respect, simply because they have cultures, and traditions, something
unheard of in America.
So let me narrow my focus group. The people I hate are foreign America
bashers. Now it�s one thing if you live here to pick at our country.
After 20 years of life here, you can get a good estimation of the many
problems which plague our pathetic excuse for a society.
But people abroad, or who have just visited, have no right to talk.
I think the worst are the Canadians. Even as they gather at our
border�80% of Canadians live in a border province, they make insults
"aboot" us. Nobody in the world has less to say than Canadians. What are
they anyway, a British Territory or something? I mean, don�t they still
have the Queen on their money? If I were such a big country, I would be
ashamed and embarrassed to be the vassal state of a tiny little island
halfway around the world.
And then, there is the way they talk, mispronouncing words, misspelling
words such as humor (humour), and color (colour).
And the French. It�s bad enough that they cower to a tiny island nation
who can�t even suppress an revolution by an even smaller island, they have
to speak French as well. The country that is the butt of all the jokes in
Europe, and they want to talk like them?
Most of them try their whole life to move to the US. Look at Michael J.
Fox, and the NHL. Their engineers come here, their aspiring actors, their
athletes. Does anyone want to stay in Canada? It�s cold, it�s barren,
it�s a political joke, a military disappointment, and if it�s people
weren�t so worthless, we would probably conquer it and make it into the
fifty first state.
Then come the Europeans. It seems that they are upset, because every time
there butt is in a sling, we have to bail them out. They repay us by
whining, and making jokes about us. How easily the French and English
forget, that if it weren�t for America, they�d all be eating kraut, and
hailing Hitler about now.
I realize that most of these people are simply jealous, and wish they
could be here with me, in the land of the free, eating beef and potatoes,
using my credit card to buy things I can�t possibly afford, planning my
life around reruns of the Simpsons. But please, don�t you have something
better to do than complain. I mean, Europeans don�t take bath�s, but I
don�t walk around spending my time thinking up jokes about them. I don�t
think up jokes about Canadians either, or complain about them endlessly,
probably because they are so unimportant that it doesn�t matter, but that
is beside the point. You people should all stop your whining, before we
get angry, and decide to conquer all of you, and take over the world, as
is our manifest destiny.
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