We are the champions, of the world. But does anyone want
them to be?
Is there anyone else out there who despises the Chicago Bulls? Am I the
only one the doesn’t want to "be like Mike"? Am I alone in wishing Rodman
would go bald, and have to dye his scalp ever evening?
I’ll be the first to admit, I am not the biggest fan of basketball as a
sport. As a matter of fact, it is my least favorite to watch of the
so-called "Big four." As a matter of fact, I would even prefer to watch
soccer, which most American’s don’t consider a good enough sport to
provide quality television coverage. Some people say that the NBA sucks,
but college is great, but I don’t really notice the difference. At
school, people wait out at midnight for tickets to a home game, and even
though I support my school, I just can’t bring myself to do that. It’s
basketball, it’s just not worth it. Any sport where a seven foot,
three-hundred pound bald guy can dominate, can’t really be that much of a
sport, can it?
Never-the-less, I watch every now and then. I cheer for Atlanta, and I
root for my Jackets on their impossible goal of doing something in the
ACC. And sometimes, I’ll watch other’s play, if it’s a big game, like the
playoffs. Now, with the unavoidable collapse of Atlanta, I really could
care less who win’s the championship. Utah is full of cheap players, and
Los Angeles has an ape for their star player. But right now, the Jazz
have my much sought after attention, because, I cannot stand the Bulls.
I remember growing up, everybody loved the Lakers, or the Celtics. I
don’t remember all the ugly red and black hats and jerseys. Then, Jordan
decided to become a good player. First came the sneakers, named after
"His Airness." Then came the swarms of fans, and the championships, and
suddenly, everyone in the world has become a Bull’s fan, and if you ask
them, they have been all their lives. Far be it for anyone to admit being
a band wagon jumper, although we all know they are.
And then, Michael Jordan transformed himself from mere mortal, to a god,
at least in his own mind. The media started it, the biggest band wagoners
of them all. No one changes their opinions so quick, and so often, as a
journalist. They start calling him the greatest ever. Then, he calls
himself the greatest ever. And then comes the song. "Like Mike, if I
could be like Mike." That’s exactly the kind of encouragement the
children of America need. Thanks to that song, there are a bunch of fat
little kids running around, deciding not to study, because they’s gonna be
a basketball playa. The only quality of "Mike’s" that I want, is his
paycheck. Other than that, I think he is an egotistical, greedy bastard.
If he plays, just because he loves the game, then why does he need that
thirty million for this season. I mean, let’s be reasonable. He’s not
that much of an entertainer. If I can choose between watching him, or
Seinfeld, 99 out of a hundred times I’ll be watching the show about
nothing.
And Jordan isn’t even the worst of their problems. What about Pippen. If
there is a more over rated player in any sport, I don’t know who he is.
This man rides on Jordan’s coat tails, doesn’t do much of anything, and
gets a lot of credit, just for being on the floor. I mean, the two
season’s when Jordan thought he could conquer the baseball world, I didn’t
see Pippen leading his team to any rings. And what’s funny, he is chosen
as one of the fifty greatest of all time. Dominique Wilkens, star of the
slam dunk contests of the eighties, didn’t even earn this honor. Of
course, this was probably voted on by the media, and, as I said earlier,
they are the biggest band wagon fans of them all.
Then there is Rodman—does he really merit my attention. I’m all for being
your own person, but he’s went too far. That tattoos, the piercings, the
hair, I think he may be even more stuck on himself than old Mike.
Longley, another overrated player. Can you remember the name of their
last center? Will you remember his name in 5 years? Not likely.
Then, there is the coach, Jackson. A man who feels he merit’s more money,
and more attention. This makes me laugh more than anything else. I mean,
give me a place to live and 3 meals a day, and I could have coached the
Bulls to a championship the last two seasons. Who couldn’t? All you need
to do is say, practice, and when in doubt, give Mike the ball. End of
strategy. No watching film. No drills. No running suicides. Give Mike
the ball, don’t take any shot’s yourself.
The best thing about the Bull’s, is how they are whining, now that they
are scared. The other day, I heard them actually say, that the call’s
weren’t going their way. Anyone who has ever watched a Bull’s game knows
that Rodman gets away with more fouls than anyone in the league. If
anyone looks at Jordan, they get called for a foul. And Jordan takes more
steps than most AA programs.
I can go on, but there is no need to waste anyone’s time. This dynasty is
coming to an end. If not this season, then definitely next year. And I
can’t wait. I hope the Bull’s lose. I hope people recognize Pippen for
the nothing he is, and he is forced to retire. I hope Rodman pierces
himself until something falls off. I hope Jordan retires, and fails
miserably at another sport, such as baseball, or golf, or maybe ice
hockey.
