friendship

True friendship is one in which we can share our fears and hopes with and one who understands how we feel and think. Real friendship has 2 crucial components:

Commitment and Intimacy.

A true friend is willing to lay down his life for another. That doesn't mean real friendship is only proven in moments of physical danger. Rather, that the commitment of friendship extends beyond times of joy, to times of sadness and despair. We are resolved to maintain the relationship even when things go wrong, when disagreements threaten separation, when sacrifices are required of us to keep the friendship healthy.

We should not think of intimacy as a sharing of our most shameful and hidden secrets. But like Jesus shows us that real itimacy comes when we share the best of ourselves and what we have with our friends. He tells his disciples: "All that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." He has given his friends his most valuable things. When we know the meaning of real friendship, we understand, why it is so rare and valuable. It takes so much courage to show who we really are. Intimacy means vulnerability. It's always possible that when we offer what is most precious to us, it will be rejected. Jesus took such risks with his disciples. He showed us the true nature of commitment and intimacy. He also demonstrated the healing power of true friendship. It can transform and sustain us in ways we could never expect.

THE HEALING POWER OF FRIENDSHIP - IN TRAGEDY (Job 2: 11 - 12)

How can we help our friends in time of despair and deep need?
What can we say to ease their suffering and pain?

The story of Job speaks directly to this issue. Job is an innocent and righteous man who loses everything. Understandably he becomes profoundly depressed. 3 friends came to his help but botched up the job. Through their bad example we can learn how not to deal with tragedy and suffering.

Support the sufferer, don't blame the victim

The 1st mistake job's friends made was to let him think he must have sinned; that's why he is suffering. Don't make such mistake. Don't always use the 'if only' language.
"If only you have been more careful....."
"If only you have not done ....."
Such remark can never be helpful and can never heal the sufferer. It is a theological error to presume that pain and suffering are punishment from God. It is a therapeutic mistake to remind a person of his faults and shortcomings when he is in anguish.

Attend to your friend's real needs

Job's friends never speak to him about his real needs. The touch and present of fellow sufferers is often therapeutic. Be careful that our needs to be helpful isn't interfering with the true needs of our friends. And that we are not burdening them with more help than they want or can tolerate at the moment. Focus on the sufferer's needs by listening closely to what they ask of us. Often the sufferer only needs to know that we are there, that we truly care, and that we love them. Sometimes we do more good by listening than speaking.

Face reality of the situation

Acknowledge the pain. We are bumblers in the presence of tragedy. To avoid confronting it we make small talk, desperately pretending nothing is wrong. Small talk can help but if we use it to hide from our friend's pain, we lose an opportunity to help. Expressing our sorrows and acknowledging the pain establishes deep and healing contact. Simple words showing our understanding can be powerful aids to others in the worst moments of grief.

Establish contact! A hug is worth a thousand words

In time of tragedy, the sufferer often feels isolated. We stand apart, waiting for some indication of how much contact and what kind of interaction the sufferer wants. We don't want to intrude. These are times when a simple gesture of concern can bridge the icy distance. A hug or a touch can communicate concern and love that is beyond words.

Be honest

When you comfort others, be open with your own feelings. Express your own fears, pain and confusion. Confess to your own inability to understand, your own questions and doubts. You needn't p[retend to have all the answers. Few of us do. Sharing your grief and confusion can establish a deep bond of understanding.

When you acknowledge the reality of your limitations you relieve the sense of failure sufferers often feel.

We cannot take the pain away in times of tragedy. We cannot explain how it happened. But we can show our support, and the power of love and friendship can help to heal even the deepest wounds.

HOW TO REPAIR A DAMAGED RELATIONSHIP (Matthew 5:21 - 21)

We must repair a damaged relationship at once. Even before we pray. Even when we are angry, we should not insults the other party. Do not let your anger sustained in you for it can bring damage if we allow it to fester and grow.

Infact such repair jobs are hard to carry out especially when we are the one who have been mistreated or misjudged. But the bible has the answer! Jesus tells us to go and be reconciled. Jesus did not say anything about who is right or wrong. Wven if we are the victim, He calls us to go and make the reconciliation! In this, Jesus is teaching that human relationship is based on compassion and understanding as wellas justice.

We cannot expect perfection from others. All of us fail, and we all acted unfairly at one time or another. A damaged relationship interferes with our relationship to God as well as to man. We must not wait to decide who is right and wrong. To allow the bad feelings to continue only makes the reconciliation more difficult. Jesus tells us to fix it now, regardless who is right or wrong. We must treat others with more than justice if we want to live in a world of peace. By taking the responsibility upon yourself and the task of reconciliation we can repair a damaged relationship and make it stronger than ever!

HEALING A RIFT BETWEEN A FRIEND (2 Timothy 2:22 - 25)

When friends quarrel, we want to find the magic words that will bring them together again. But we realise that there is no magic words, or formula. So we may want to "boh chap" (care less) and leave them alone but in so doing, we chance losing them forever. Maybe we can't bring both sides together in harmony and peace but we can provide damage control.

Paul tells us to "shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness...." On other words, in quarrels, avoid taking sides. We all have biases and prejudices that lead us to believe one side is right, the other side is wrong. But in the end, such divisions are seldom correct. We need to be fair in our evaluation of the situation.

The Bible urge us to be "kindly to everyone". A sincere offer of help, an expression of concern, a shoulder for tears and support can mean everything to someone wounded and alone. One welcome kindness is a listening ear to each side. You may be uncomfortable in this role, feeling as though you are required to sympathise and condemn. But you can make it clear that you are willing to listen, with hope and prayer for their reconciliation. As a good listener you can help both sides to see more clearly what they want and what they fear. Most important, you show both sides that they are not alone and that they still have common concerns, however obscured they might be at the moment.

Paul tells us to be an 'apt teacher'. You may find a way to help each side to appreciate the importance of those common interests.

Finally, it takes patience. The process of healing a bruised or scarred relationship can be a long one. We can be a true friend during the process. We can be a healing force in any dispute by showing we have real concern for each individual involved. We can affirm each person without attacking the other. We emphasize the common values and concerns that all share.

And we wait patiently for God to grant them the wisdom and grace to 'know the truth' to overcome the painful division and renew the love and friendship that was before.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP

(John 15:12 - 15)

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