| A child of God does not live alone nor does he mingle with the believers only. He starts off as a child having relationships with his parents, siblings & relatives. As he grows up, he has friends and neighbours. At school, he has teachers & schoolmates and later at work, he has employers, colleagues, clients...etc. Soon afterwards, he will also start a family of his own, having a wife, the in-laws and then his own children. These relationships give him numerous personal roles and responsibilities to handle. Relationships are very important in our lives because our daily living is all about fulfilling the roles in them. We may or may not realise the truth but the things we do in the day are all done because of "who we are" [role] and "what we need to do" [responsibility]. Some we do meticulously but more often without much thought. Depending on how we fulfil each role, some relationships are enjoyable whle others can be quite troubled. When handling relationships, it is helpful if we understand the nature of the roles we are having. Some roles are bigger ad more important than others, requiring more time & effort. (Eg : parent, spouses, family) The role can be long-term (eg: family), short-term (eg: colleagues) and it can also be a one-time affair (eg: being a stranger). Some of the roles are inter-dependent (eg: husband/father in the family) while some simply have to be dealt with separately (eg : working role & family role). The responsibility of each role is unique. It changes with times and generations and is influenced by the moral values of the family as well as their ethnic & cultural background. Illustration: At home, a mother looks after the needs of the family. She becomes a worker when she is at the workplace. She is a customer when she goes shopping. When she meets her friends, she is a friend or neighbour. When she goes out with her family, she has to play multiple roles (wife, mother, friend..etc). Her words & actions are determinded by the role(s) she plays but it is her understanding and efforts put in which will influence the quality of her relationships with the respective people. Generally, we are not quite bothered by the responsibility of each role, even if we are to handle multiple roles. Most of the roles come and go without much ado. We just live out our personal roles by our own character and temperament - we do what we like or think best. Unfortunately such behaviour often result in discontentment, frustration & disharmony in our relationships. Some of the common grievances are : - "I love my wife but our marriage is boring. I don't know how to be a good husband." - "My parents are too much to bear, I can't live with them. I don't know how to be a good son." - "We give our best to our children but they are not appreciating. We don't know how to be good parents." - "We're Christian family but we are always squabbling. We don't know how to have God's peace." This feeling of "don't know how" is our common 'answer' to our problems. Many a time, we may pray but we do little or nothing about it - we just "let it be". Our insensitivity and reluctance usually get the better of us leaving us with more troubled relationships than we can ask for. But do we realise what is the root of the problem? Yes, we should NOT be allowing our old sinful nature (own character & temperament) to influence our thoughts, words & actions anymore! So how are we to handle our personal roles? The answer is : The same way we fulfil our spiritual role as a child of God. "This is how we know who the children of God are .... Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor anyone who does not love his brother." (1 John 3:10) We should be living in our new nature in Christ and as a child of God, not only with God but also in our personal roles when we relate to the others. It is all about loving one another and living righteously in a godly manner. This is a life-long process of becoming more & more Christ-like. As a child of God, Christ lives in us through the Holy Spirit and we also live in Him. This means that we place our faith and trust in Him for guidance and strength to help us live the way He wants us to. We have to note that 'the way we live' is referring to the way we fulfil our personal roles too. We cannot be an obedient child of God and behave in ungodly manner to others at the same time - God detests hyprocrisy! Through His Word & His Holy Spirit, God has taught us much about living righteously. We are not only to study the Lord's teachings (God's Word) diligently but more importantly, the good we learn we are to practise. How to? By practising in the roles we have in our numerous relationships. For us, our standard of conduct comes from God and not from the society we are in. And our love for God is not simply a feeling; it is a godly force in us which urges us to produce godly behaviour in the roles we are to fulfil. The words & actions in our roles will bear testimony to the beliefs (faith & trust) we have in God. Whatever we do, we do so by setting our hearts on God. We work (at our roles) wholeheartedly for God and not for man (Col 3:23). We do whatever we need to do (for each role) with love and reverence for God & with godly love for others (whoever he may be). To this attitude, we add on the awareness of truth, righteousness, purity, love, excellence, trustworthy, obedience. (read Phi 4:8-12) Be ready to do good, peaceable and show humility in our behaviour. Also make effort to practise self-control, uprightness and godlines when executing our roles. Of course, we are to hate evil; avoid ungodliness & foolish arguments, slander no-one when fulfilling our roles. With God's wisdom & strength and our knowledge & love for God, we train our conscience & sense to distinguish good from evil and practise discernment when handling our roles and responsibilities. Harmony in relationship does not happen by itself, not even among the children of God. Harmony is not an action; it is a result of our total sensitivity and ability to fulfil our personal roles diligently. Harmony cannot be taken for granted, it is delicate and needs constant effort to maintain. Illustration: We are the caretaker of our body. For eg : if we are diabetic, our responsibility is to ensure that our body receives approved diet & lifestyle to achieve peace with our body. If we do not handle our role correctly, our body will be in great trouble! Therefore, we not that if we do not do what we ought to do, we can expect troubles. We need complete sensitivity and obedience to bring about a positive attitude to fulfil each role satisfactorily and enjoy harmony in our relationship. So, when we have troubled relationships, we must seek the root of the problem and rectify our short comings. Besides pray for God's help & guidance, we have to search our hearts and ask ourselves questions like these : "Am I Christ-like as a husband (or father, son, friend, worker..etc)" Then check if our attitude and behaviour are in line with God's teaching: If there are weaknesses (eg: anger, hatred, jealousy...), remove them. If you find that God's teaching (eg: love, patience, compassion...) are missing, quickly add on. Our knowledge of God's principle and love for God will surely guide us live our lives (and to fulfil our roles) in a godly manner without immorality and not unethically. Pray & God will give us strength. As children of God, we should love one another especially within our household. When we relate to one another, we should practise the Lord's teachings such as compassion, kindness, humility, patience and be forgiving to one another to have unity and harmony. Knowing + Accepting + Practising God's teaching let us taste the goodness of God. Such experiences strengthen our faith, trust & love for God which in turn encourage more practises, bringing us spiritual growth & maturity. Our spiritual maturity enhances our ability to be more sensitive to the people around us and without us knowing, it actually helps us to be more & more Christ-like when we relate to others (fulfilling our role the godly way). Thus, the visible proof of being a child of God is in our behaviour (action & attitude). The way we fulfil our roles & responsibilities with our families, friends & others will reflect our faith & love for God (or the lack of it)! So, let us make efforts to fulfil our personal roles & responsibilities the Christ-like Way : Eg: - If you are a son, be a Christ-like son (obedient, loving, honouring your parents...) - If you are father, be a Christ-like father (loving, patience, compassion....) - If you are a husband, be a Christ-like husband (loving, understanding, affectionate...) That's right, be Christ-like in whatever roles : Be the Christ-like neighbour, friend, pedestrain, doctor, citizen of the country....the list never ends. In this way, we will always remain in Christ and in line with God irregardless of the number or nature of roles we have and also no matter how often we switch from one role to another! More importantly, we are at peace with God. By living the Christ-like way conscientiously, we diminish the influence & minimise the struggle with our old sinful nature. Hopefully with this awareness we will make the decision to fulfil our roles and responsibilities the Christ-like Way and not by our own self-centred way. Anyway, it is not even up to God, the choice is ours! God bless us always. Amen. Irene 010202 NB. Recommended message : The Mouth, Reflection |
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