THINGS
YOU'D NEVER KNOW IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE MOVIES:
Large loft apartments in
New York City are plentiful and
affordable, even if the tenants are
unemployed.
One of a pair of identical twins is always
evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which
wire
to cut. You will always choose the right one.
It doesn't matter if you
are greatly outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts. Your enemies will
wait patiently to
attack you one by one, dancing around in a
threatening
manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.
When
you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your
bedroom will still be
clearly visible but slightly blue.
If you are blond and pretty, it is
possible to be a
world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs,
glyphics,
or anything else, at the age of 22.
Honest and hard-working
policemen are usually gunned down a
day or two before
retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to
kill
their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses,
deadly gasses,
lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of
which will give their captives at
least 20 minutes to escape.
During all crime investigations, it is
necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.
All beds have special
L-shaped covers that reach up to the
armpits of a woman but only to the waist
of the man lying
beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at
least one French bread
and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.
It's
easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk
you down.
If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even
while
scuba diving or fighting aliens. However if you are
overweight, your
mascara will run and your lipstick will
smear.
The ventilation system
of any building is the perfect hiding
place. No one will ever think of
looking for you in there,
and you can travel to any other part of the
building without
difficulty.
You're very likely to survive any battle
in any war unless
you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of
your
sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a
German officer, it
is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent
will
do.
A man will show no pain while taking the most
horrific
beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean
his
wounds.
If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate
any
strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is
what they
happened to be wearing when the car broke down.
If someone says "I'll be
right back," they won't.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight
road, it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to
time.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large
red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to
go off.
A
police detective can only solve a case after he has been
suspended from
duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
around
you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up
with, and hear the music
in your head.
Police departments give their officers personality tests
to
make sure each is assigned a partner who is their
total
opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak
English
to each other.