fables

               Fable of the Doomed Tightwad

    In this silly, pathetic condition we call life
    Lived a miserly man and his ugly, old wife.
    This tale would be boring except for one fact:
    About his money, the guy seemed too whacked.

    Year after year, the paychecks he'd cash
    Then directly for home he would faithfully dash.
    Entering and running to the cellar door,
    He would toss the money and watch it soar.

    Eventually the cellar was filled up to the gunnel,
    You couldn't add more money with a great big funnel.
    It's then that Tweedle suddenly went mad,
    He couldn't believe all the money that he had.

    Jumping in feet first and swimming about,
    He sang, whistled then gave a loud shout.
    His wife was so worried, she called 911;
    Then back to the scene she started to run.

    The cries she heard then were fearful, indeed,
    She got on her knees and prayed he be freed.
    Then the sounds diminished as time slowly passed,
    Then the emergency service arrived at long last.

    She explained the problem as best as she knew,
    And the firemen descented with the entire crew.
    At first, they joked and heehawed out loud,
    But as the day dwindled, they drew a large crowd.

    It grew later and later; their efforts grew slack,
    Not even the hounds could pick up his scent track.
    Poor Mr. Tweedle was lost beyond any hope,
    There wasn't the slightest chance of finding the dope.

    Be patient, attentive and hold your composure,
    I promise this fable will soon have its closure.
    Upon egress from the money-filled basement
    The Chief shrugged and leaned on the casement.

    After thinking a moment to consider his conclusion,
    He turned to the woman to clear up the confusion.
    "We looked and we looked, but no body was found
    Though we shoved and we pushed all that money around."

    "Evenually we realized it was useless to look
    After we searched every single cranny and nook.
    It was, and this is certainly not meant as a crack,
    Like looking for a Tweedle...in a paystack."

    Posted 12/27/02

               Fable of the Female Outfielder

   Once upon a time there was a baseball star.
   Her name was Honey, and her manager, Garr.
   The team was good but don't you know
   Honey, the right-field catcher, stole the show.

   Honey was amazing, no ball could get past,
   And she gave her all, right to the last.
   She ran so fast to chase them flies down,
   That she became famous town after town.

   But, alas, a new player came to the team.
   Garr took one look and started to dream.
   Vinny was a beauty and had her own glove.
   He knew right then he was truly in love.

   He posted his Vinny in Honey's right field.
   When questioned by the owner, he refused to yeild.
   During the very next game Vinny showed her class
   When she dropped the ball and fell on her ass.

   The cry went up, "Get Honey back out!"
   It looked like the team would get their first rout.
   When Garr, so smitten, refused to comply,
   The others got angry and yelled, "Why, why?"

   Pointing his finger and speaking so gruff,
   The owner was angry, it wasn't a bluff.
   He said, "This won't do. You've gone way too far.
   You have to use Honey to catch flies
   Not Vinny, Garr."

   Posted 12/28/02