Hose Boy Version I - Seans Synopsis
One day two perfect boys and some loser walked over to a rock. The boys came across a most lovely hose. Oh how the boys enjoyed the treasure that was the hose! They played jump rope and even tied one of the boys to a telephone pole! How fun it was! After the frolic, the boys were returning home with their newfound treasure when all of a sudden an evil child, 2-foot nothing, with fire in his eyes, demanding their precious treasure, claiming it belonged to him. The most perfect boy of them all (me) was ENRAGED by this claim. Swirling black flames rose out of the ground encircling the boy, and lightning came down from the sky and struck the boy right where he stood!
I tore out the little hose-stealing boy's throat. He screamed with anguish and agony and pure terror as blood gushed everywhere. I tore his esophagus out and choked him with it. The blood, you couldn't believe it. I then preceded to slash open his chest and tear out his beating heart while he was still breathing. After doing this, I went on to lighting his entire bloody carcass into a giant flaming heap of twisted flesh and bone. The smell invaded my nostrils. It was absolutely putrid! When the boy was nice and crispy, I summoned my cat from the underworld. She devoured the boys charred remains and the kid was no more
Hose Boy Version II - Adam's Analysis
Three curious boys, Adam, Sean, and a crazy-loon named Matt strolled the down the road. We came upon a rather large boulder and for many minutes we speculated it's origin and how it came to be. Upon further inspection, we found a object and, after grueling analysis, we determined it to be a common water transportation container. We christened it "hose." We used it for many things, like tying the loony boy Matt George up, using it as vine to swing from trees, jump rope, and tripping cars. It was much fun, but it was getting dark so we turned around to walk home. At that exact moment, a small boy ran out into the road screaming. He stopped, 10 yards from us, and started to say something. "Ha... ha... have.. yah yah you seen mah my hose?" he stuttered with defiance. Sean looked a little nervous, Matt took one glance, sensed the evil, and looked down at his shoes. I, the courageous one, said, "Is this your hose little man?" and he nodded up and down eagerly. "Come and get it." He walked foreward at a steady pace. I was growing increasingly impatient. Suddenly, Satan took control of my body. "WALK FASTER PUTRID MORTAL BOY!!! COME CLAIM YOUR HOSE!!!" The boy looked up, the color draining from his face. He grabbed the very end of the hose and ran like hell away from us screaming. But Satan once again took control of my body. I grabbed the end of the hose, the puny boy fell down. I ran over to him, pulled out a collapsible baseball bat, and started beating the living daylights out of the boy. �HAHAHA CROSS ME WORTHLESS CHILD! WE SHALL SEE.� Suddenly, hundreds upon hundreds of little 3 foot demon boys walked out of the woods. Sean and Matt were behind me, we were surrounded. The beaten and bruised boy stood up shakily. He glared at me, and fire shot from his eyes and burned my stomach! I was not about to give up. I ripped my shirt off exposing my muscular, Rambo chest and body. I lit a cigar, and pulled out my flamethrower. I set the boy aflame! He ran around in circles screaming loudly. He collapsed on the ground and continued to smolder. I let out an evil laugh! �Mwa Ha ha ha haaaa!!!� He was no more but a pile of ashes, which blew away in the wind. I looked around, waiting for the surrounding mobs� attack. I knew they had only not yet reacted because of the shock of the previous ten minutes of pyrotechnics. They closed in, and I burnt a few. �Click, click...� oh no, my flame sprayer was out of gas. I threw the flamethrower into the mob, knocking an especially short demon kid down. The rest continued to close in. I pulled out my Mac10, but they were too close... I needed a shield. I grabbed Matt and held him in front of me. I crouched behind him as the kids devoured his legs. �AHHHH AHHH THEY�RE EATING ME!� Matt screamed. I continued to blast away. They were past his hips now, �MY MANHOOD! NOOOOOOO!� I managed to clear a small path through the little demon boys. �Go Sean, GOOO!� I hollered. �Adam, just leave me. Save yourself,� Matt said. �I cannot do that Matt George, your coming,� and with that I grabbed his hand and dragged his bleeding torso down through the closing crack. We ran for our lives, putting some space between us and the little munchkins. I stopped as Sean collapsed from exhaustion, and pulled out my Bazooka. I took careful aim, then blasted a rocket right at the tiny gremlins. The burnt boy�s ashes I had scortched suddenly flew together as my rocket flew through the air. The resurrected boy opened his mouth and screamed, �HHHRRRRRAAAAAA!!!� The rocket blasted inside, and he absorbed its blow, swallowing it. We waited as the small gremlin kids gathered around their master. I had no idea what to do... I sat there.... then I heard Matt groan. There was nothing else to do so I hurled his body towards the charred boy. It hit him squarely in the head. Matt bounced off and hit the ground. �Good job, there goes a perfectly good half a body, Adam,� Sean stated. I turned as if to start running again when I heard a giant �KAH-BOOM!� I turned around to see body parts flying everywhere. �YEE-HAA!� I yelled! �What about Matt?� Sean said. I was about to say �I never liked him anyway� when Matt�s head, the hose, and someone�s left arm came flying over and and landed with a thud next to my foot. �Hey guys...� Matt�s head said. Me and Sean just walked home, talking about the pleasurable experience and how it added a nice touch to the day and what we should do with the hose. �Guys... uhm... guys, little help here... guys?� Suddenly a car came and killed what was left of Matt.
Hose Boy Version III - Matts Mark
Lets get something straight right off the bat- Sean- Perfect child. Matt - Loony Quack. Adam - Very shady person.
Intro- It all started on a beautiful day about 70 degrees out. Matt called Sean and Adam over to his house because he was extremely bored and needed some entertainment. Sean was first to arrive which was a surprise because he is usually unfashionably late. Matt and Sean waited at the end of his road for Adam, the shady bastard. Once Adam came a old tale was discussed by the trio about a ENORMOUS BOULDER, it's door, and the GREAT POKER GAME INSIDE! Which, really happened except over time the door had disappeared. OHHHHH SCCCAAAARRYYY (not really)! After, much confusion about the rock, Sean, the much flawed Matt, and Adam went to check it out. They figured the rock slowly grew over the door while they had slept peacefully in there beds (except for Matt, his parents made him sleep outside). In the crevice of the huge 10 foot rock they found a can which caused an environmental disaster CAUSING A DEADLY EPIDEMIC OF COLERA AND EBOLA! They soon through it back in the crack. Behind the rock, glowing with such brilliance, was a hose. Not just any hose, a green, long, shiny, and EXTREMLY MAGICAL HOSE (not really). They played and played with the hose. They did such things as FULL CONTACT JUMP ROPE, and swinging from trees, tying the moron Matt to a pole, and of course tripping cars. As red blood filled clouds hovered over their heads, they decided to go home. They took their magical hose with them and started the journey back. Out of no where CAME JOEY THE MOST PATHETIC CHILD ALIVE, wait no that�s not it, IT WAS SOME PUNY MIDGIT WITH FLAMING RED HAIR WHO STARTED SCREAMING MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HOOOOOOOSSSEEEEEEEEE!!! Immediately Matt and Sean sprang into action. They both pressed their watches and turned into gigantic robots with big guns. Hehehe big guns. So Sean and Matt walked up the Devilish child. The next part might be to vulgar for any minors.
Matt- Hey there litte kid whats the problem
Devil boy- THAT�S MY HOSE YOU PUNKS.
Sean- Your hose huh.
Devil Boy- yeah, MY HOSE.
Suddenly bitching rays came out of the ground and took off Adams head.
Matt- Ok, well that wasn�t nice you twerp.
Devil Boy- Shut the fuck up you asshole! Give me my hose or ill make you chicken livers.
Sean- Ok listen Devil Boy you make another comment like that ill take 50 blunts and make you smoke them all at once.
Devil Boy- No that�s John Flynn�s job not mine.
They all had a breif chuckle at John�s pathetic life and his stonyness.
Matt- Ok now this is our hose see you cant have it.
The little devil boy started chanting the latin. We didn�t care until A LARGE FIFTY FOOT CEATURE WITH VERY LARGE PENES HUMPED SEANS LEGS OOOOOOOFFFFFFF!!! Well, that was different. Matt took his laser eyes and cut off the penises. The creature subsided back into the depth in which it came.
Sean- THOSE WERE MY LEGS YOU DICK! Sean then took his minigun hand and made a rather large hole in the devil boy�s body. Blood gushed everywhere.
Matt- ok time to go home you evil infant.
Matt took out a rather large cross that weighed probably 50 tons and dropped on the evil child. He died . Sean hobbled home and Matt threw Adams dead body in the middle of the road so it could trip cars as well. At last the devil child was dead, Adam was tripping cars, and Sean and Matt went home to a house full of hoes