jess

For safety purposes the names of certain people in this article have been changed.

   Welcome to a new chapter of Pete's Page. Remember that little box back on the main page that said Pete likes to get suggestions? Well somebody actually gave one. And this is it. As a reward she gets to be the guinea pig for the first ever College Profiles. And like I said before, some names have been changed to keep me from getting sued.

Here we go with the profile of "Jessie Q."....

     Jessie and Pete go waaaay back. I can't really tell you when the first time I remember meeting her was. Truth is I knew her mom before I knew her. And we're still friends. So... since I seem to have a terrible habit of categorizing and listing everything, this is the category she falls into. Good Friends That I Feel Like I've Known Much Longer Than I Actually Have. GFTIFLIKMLTIAH for short. Catchy isn't it?

      But anyways, this is supposed to be about Jessie. It's the College Profiles not the Incredibly Boring Stories about Pete section. So we'll start at the beginning.

     Jessica Q. went to the First United Methodist Church of West Branch, Michigan. Fate had it that that just happened to be my church. (OK that sounds really sacreligious). And even though she two-timed between the FUMC and the Catholic church I never thought less of her. At least because of that. Besides, Jess came around just as all of Pete's friends in the church were leaving. (Guess where they're headed?) And with the eventual addition of a kid we'll refer to as Naten, a trio of a$$ kicking Methodist friends was formed. (I think that paragraph just guranteed me a one way ticket to hell).

      Away from the "church by the course," life in Ogemaw County passed for our young heroine much as it did for everyone else fortunate enough to call themselves a student of Cow Pie High. Everyday classes began at 7:40. And she was on time for most of them. Everyday classes ended at 2:30. She was usually still around. It's OHHS what can I say?

     Of course not everything was so utterly boring. Jessie Q. became the best (female) soccer player Pete knows and won back to back conference championships (let the controversy begin). She managed to stay out of prison. And for some reason she remained friends with Pete and Naten throughout, at times much to the chagrin of others.

      But seeing as how I generally consider most everything that has anything to do with Ogemaw Heights as fairly unimportant we'll move on.

     Jessie Q. decided to attend Ferris State University. Home of the the Bulldogs and Katke Golf Course where Pete played his last high school match. Her field of study...pharmacology. No not the kind of pharmacology that most of the residents of Ogemaw County are involved in. That's farmacology. This is pharmacology. See the difference? One has a ph- that makes it seem like it requires incredibly high intelligence to understand. The other one isn't even a real word.

      And I'm right about that ph- thing. You have to be smart to become a pharmacist (again, different from a farmacist). It requires a great deal of science and math. Seeing as how Pete considers himself mathematically illiterate, he has great respect for anyone that is good at it. As long as they don't flaunt it. There's only a couple things that should be flaunted and mathematical skills are not on that list.

     While Jessie Q. has only been a student at FSU for a matter of a few weeks, she has found herself a boyfriend. Apparently. His name is Grant. And no one has ever seen him. His existance is totally unverifiable.

      Since I really know next to nothing about this "Grant," except the fact that he probably isn't Grant Hill or the Grant that lived a block away from me in West Branch, I can't really talk about him. Besides I have to know somebody pretty well before I make fun of them. However, because of Grant I have learned some new things about Jessie.
                                      1) She can be pretty friendly when she's got a boyfriend.
                                      2)   Even though she has her "moments" she's a smart kid. (which I guess
                                            doesn't really have anything to do with Grant)
                                       3) Jess makes a pretty good girlfriend. Contrary to some ridiculous rumors,
                                            started by a couple people that would be better off if they spent half as
                                            much time thinking as they do talking, J.Q. is neither a slut nor an
                                            alcoholic. Her boyfriends aren't whipped and she doesn't spend a bunch
                                            of time hanging out with her exes.
                                                                                             Realize what you got Grant.

                                        (Oh and yea I do expect some kind of kick back for putting in such a good
                                            word for ya Jess.)

     Of course Jessie isn't perfect. (I don't even claim that). Her plan to hand over prescription drugs to Pete so that he could sell them to his students fell through. And the back up plan to sell the drugs herself, while I become President of the United States and grant her a pardon should she ever end up in a federal pen, is still a work in progress. Meanwhile she has given up her promising soccer career -at least temporarily- to focus on her pharmacology studies. This puts a damper on that plan to make the U.S. National team. Okay maybe that was my plan not hers. (But my goodness there are some fine lookin women on that World Cup team.)

     I forgive her as always though. I love her too much to hate her.

                                                               HOM E

COLLEGE PROFILES