That's right, St. Pat's has finally come again, and this year's Pat's did not disappoint. This year, the Stoop Troop made the four hour, one way trip to Rolla for UMR's biggest party.
Friday started of with a bang, as the MNT also made the trip down. Shortly thereafter, we went down to Chad and Dan's house, to let the festivities begin. We were well on our way to getting drunked, when Dan came up with the great idea...
to mount his Led Zeppelin flag proudly on the roof of the garage, with a broken chair. After a failed attempt to hoist a girl up there, we decided to hoist the next-lightest person up there, Riebling. The first attempt was not successful, Smoky and I tried to help Riebs up the the roof, but Smoky's hand slipped, and I just tossed Riebling over my back. After he got up, Chad and Dan managed to get the little guy up on the roof. In a feat of engineering, we managed to get the flag waving majestically with the use of a broken chair, and some duct tape. A few beer boxes were nailed to the roof and they really tied the whole thing together quite nicely.
I don't remember much about Friday night, however, but I do remember these few things:
1. We went to a sorority house to party.
2. I spent most of my night flirting with a mini blow-up doll that was at the bar.
3. Bry spent most of his time making out with, and ultimately, dry-humping another large, large woman. Bry's O-fer continues...
The schedule for Saturday was quite packed. I was woken up at 9:30 in the morning by Lake St. Jarvis to go see the St. Patrick's Day parade. Jarv, as always, came prepared with a couple of ice-cold Natty Lights because, as we all know, what is a St. Patrick's Day parade without a few beers? Apparently, the Rolla Police Department wanted to find out, so as we made our way to the parade; an officer sitting in his car asked Steve to empty out his beer. Steve didn't want to, but he did, the cop then said, "Can you pick up that can too." And he pointed to a can someone had thrown in the yard of this house. Astonished, Steve and I looked at each other, and then at the can that the cop had the balls to ask Steve pick up. I was amazed that Steve would let the cop get away with that, but Steve didn't disappoint me for long. He picked up the trash, walked about 10 feet, and threw BOTH cans in the next yard, right in front of the cop. I think the cop realized that he was fucking with the wrong guy, and he did nothing about it. The parade was pretty good, we managed to get some beads, and through some fluke (yeah right) Bry ended up with the most womanly-looking beads I have ever seen in my life.
I also had the opportunity to take some snapshots of the festivities.
After the parade, the MNT prepared to attend another Beer Pong Tournament. (see An Up and Down Weekend at Rolla for the story on the first Tourney) The Beer Cup Champions entered the tournament with hopes of taking home the gold this time. Riebling and Bry came along too, and we all hoped for another final that included everyone we brought with us.
Not so much, Smoky and I got off to a rocky start, by going 0 and 2. Bry and Riebling's team started off right, 2-0. I told Ed before the third game, that if we didn't win, he was to hit me in the head with a folding chair. This probably seems odd, but in high school, these shenanigans where common. So, after we lost, again, we went outside, and Smoky kept his word, and introduced me to Madam Chair.
After another Riebs and Bry win, we were up again, and the stipulation from the third game was still in effect... Smoky and I was soon outside, again.
On this particular shot, Smoky made the tactical error of hitting me with the back of the chair, not the seat, which, if you've ever been hit with a folding chair, hurts like a bitch.
Maybe it was the 15 or so beers I had, maybe it was the three beers that I bonged out of The Beer Cup, or maybe it was the chairshots, but after the second chairshot, I threw up.
We made our way back inside for the greatest Beer Pong game of all time. Riebs and Bry were in a sticky situation, they had only one cup left, and they had not made it into any of the challenger's cups.
After a miraculous comeback that saw me personally drink three beers, the game went to overtime.
I decided to up the antee by filling the challegers cups up entirely with beer, Bry wanted no part of it. (Maybe it was the feminine-beads from the parade he was wearing)
When it was all said and done, Bry and Riebs emerged victorious, and it was once again time for the Beer Cup Champions to try and win a damn game. After the loss, we went back outside, and I once again got "The Chair."
And then, after losing AGAIN, I got "The Chair" AGAIN...
and then threw up AGAIN.
The rest of the tournament is a blur, after consulting my esteemed collegue Smoky, we concluded that I received 7 chair shots, both teams were eliminated in the second round of the bracket, and we got wasted at the Tournament.
Feeling a little sore from that, we went back to Chad and Dan's, and we planned our next move.
We went to a frat party, and on the way in, I was trailing behind a little bit, and I got held up by a hot chick in a short, green miniskirt, who wanted some of my beads. After making out with her in exchange for the beads, I made my way into the party, and, naturally, got wasted. Afterwards, we again returned to Dan and Chad's, and Jarv and I went on a quest to get Wetters from the Pike house where he was partying. After picking up our high school chum, I asked Jarv if he would swing by the Beer Pong party so that I could pick up The Beer Cup, and "The Chair."
Night had fallen, and I had almost completely forgotten where the party was. Jarv dropped me off, and I started walking to where I thought the party was...
three blocks later, I decided that the party was the other way. It was quite embarrassing to walk past Jarv and admit that I had gotten lost...
on foot...
in my own town. After retrieving The Cup and The Chair, we went back to Chad and Dan's, and I told the guys that I was going back to the Beer Pong house, to try and get with the hot chick that I saw there.
If you know me at all, you know that I have no game when it comes to women, so after about 20 seconds of conversation with this chick, I wasn't quite feeling "the vibe" so I did what any honorable man would do, I let her hit me in the head with The Chair, I took a picture of her ass, and I left the party with my tail between my legs.
I then returned to Dan and Chad's where we decided to go back to the Pike's, to seal the deal on the night.
As usual, the St. Pat's party at the Pike House was
epic, I saw more attractive women at that one party than I've seen at Rolla in my three years here. When it came time to leave, I somehow got separated from the two groups we had with us, and I was alone at the party without a ride.
So I started the long journey home...
on foot.
I managed to walk the 16 blocks that led me to the Beer Pong house, but by this time, nobody was awake. Luckily, I had my phone on me this time (unlike the Carbondale disaster) and I called Riebs, who told me that Chad took his crew up to Denny's.
I decided to walk the 10 blocks to make my way to Denny's.
The look of astonishment on Jarvis's face, when I strolled up to the Denny's is one of the funniest fucking things that I have ever seen in my life. He walked all of the way from the back of the diner to the front door, and when I met him there, he just said, "You're with us, come here" followed by, "Where the fuck have you been?"
When it was all said and done, Saturday was one hell of night for good 'ole Double D; eight chairshots, 6 beer bongs, about 50 beers, two vomits, one picture of a girl's ass, and two lost journeys on foot.
Sunday morning was a rude awakening for the crew that spent the night at Dan and Chad's house, apparently, the landlord lady was not impressed with the Zeppelin shrine, and she said that it should be removed because, "That is no way to live in a residential area." So Riebling once again had to go to the roof, and remove the beer boxes. When it came time to go, Steve asked me if he could stay another day, I replied, "Steve, I'd be insulted if you didn't" That Sunday was such an event, I think it deserves it's own page.
A Bodacious Sunday with Jarv