I WENT TO CHAD TAAKE�S BACHLEOR PARTY IN LAS VEGAS NEVADA. Furthermore, we stayed at THE HOOTERS HOTEL, BAR, AND CASINO.
Most guys save up for one crazy night on the town before �Tying the Knot.� But Tad Chaake is not most guys.
Lutz and Donjon set up a four day trip to paradise for Taake�s fiesta, and when I heard of this, I was still attending UMR. With no job, or prospects, I replied, �YOU DAMN RIGHT I�M IN, WHO COULD MISS THIS!?!�
About 20 guys made the cross-country trip to Nevada. Most of the guys met at DanL�s house before leaving for the airport. We were surprised with a commemorative shirt of the occasion.
FRONT
BACK
We arrived at the airport, sporting our new T-shirts and shit-eating grins across the board. We arrived at the ticket counter, and the worker asked Dan, �Where is your destination?� Dan looked at his shirt, which plainly displayed the words LAS VEGAS, and replied.
�We�re going to Orlando, ma�am.� The woman started to search under Las Vegas while I laughed my ass off at her expense.
I stepped to the counter, and retrieved the sixteen forms of identification required for air travel. As usual, my pockets were packed to the hilt with gear, which I deposited on the table in hilarious fashion. I checked my bags, and was all set to leave until I heard Birkner, �Hey Doerr, is this your wallet�
�and keys�
�and phone�
�and spare change, and, well, you get the idea.
I replied with a phrase in the tone of my old baseball coach, the illustrious Coach Vogt: �Ohhhhh my.� Dan�s response to my fuckup was, �Jesus Doerr, we�re not even inside the airport, and you�re already fucking shit up.� I concurred completely, not a good sign at all.
After making our way through security, we received word that Donjon and Chad were at the Jose Quervo bar in the airport. We arrived on the scene to find that the Groom and Derek were already on a magic carpet ride with booze. We joined in on the disaster, buying a few beers and shots at the bar. My bill was $12.00, I gave the waitress a $50, and she said, �I�ll get you your change.�
I replied, while pointing at my shirt, �Keep the change, I won�t need money where I�m going.�
She said, �Wow, thanks.� To which I replied.
�Yeah, I was joking, I�m going to need that change badly honey.�
We got in line for our flight, and discovered that our flight was delayed. The timeframe we were given was a few hours, or tomorrow. I immediately stood up and said, �Where�s the nearest bar?� The entire crew had the same idea, and we traveled next door to the airport�s Chili�s Restaurant, and took over the entire joint. We were warned multiple times that our noise level was disturbing the other patrons. But with every warning, somebody from the team would come up with the funniest possible line for the moment, and we were back in the good graces of the management.
At one point, a drunked up woman of about the age of 45 took the group�s picture, sat down, and spoke to us in our native tongue, Hammered. We learned that she too was visiting Sin City.
After enough drinks to level Don Mattingly on a flight, we got word that our flight was indeed leaving St. Louis that night. As we waited for our departure, the wasted lady from Chili�s decided to get the best seat in the house while waiting:
My lap.
We boarded the plane, and I can honestly say that our group was far and away more entertaining than the in-flight movie. I distinctly remember Chad getting out of his seat after the �Don�t get out of your damn seat� light was activated. He opened the overhead compartment, and began to search for his stashed Ham Sandwich. Several flight attendants tried to stop him, but Chad would not rest until he got that motherfucking Ham Sandwich, and he got it. I slept for the remainder of the flight, because I had no plans for sleeping in Vegas.
At this point in the story, I�d like to note that my luggage consisted of an Army bag that could hold two full kegs, and the shoulder strap was as long as Lindsay Weiford�s legs, and if you know who I�m speaking of, that�s a long fucking strap. The length of the strap is notable because the 100 plus pounds of gear that I brought swung from my shoulder to the point that it almost knocked me on my ass. This point will be amplified towards the end of this epic journey, so smoke them if you�ve got them, this story is just beginning.