Smoky and Riebling made the trip to town for Friday night for a beer pong tournament. Five dollars got you into the tournament, three dollars for a cup, and two dollars for prize money. I had been drinking since three o' clock, and I had finished about 11 beers before we made it to the tourney. The teams were to be made up of two people, so it was Smoky and Double D, the Beer Cup Champions, and Riebling was paired up with the Known's own Noonan. An eight game round robin preceded the tournament bracket. The very first match of it all saw the Beer Cup Champions taking on the hosts of the tourney. These guys had matching outfits and everything, Smoky and I played valiantly, but lost our first match. We then went on a six game winning streak that saw us beat Riebling's team in overtime. We then played the team of Rusty and Carrie, and Carrie was using some hardcore distraction techniques, which included flashing her tattoo at us while we took our shots. Smoky seemed unphased, but I seemingly kept throwing my ball closer and closer towards her vagina. We lost that game because I couldn't keep my eyes on the prize, what can I say, I'm a sucker for a dame.
It was now time for the actual bracketed tournament to begin. Our quarterfinals match saw us dominate the other team, and it was a good thing too, because our cups were filled by some drunk chicks, and they filled them up like half way, but we didn't have to chug it, and we advanced to the semis. And in the upset of the night, a team of some freshmen beat the number one seed, the hosts who had beat us earlier. Our semifinals match was an uphill battle from the beginning, and at one point, we were down one cup to three. It didn't look good for the MNT, but we managed to make two in a row and get our shots back. And in a redemption shot from my "vagina shots" earlier, I managed to seal the victory and put us into the finals against...
RIEBLING'S TEAM
We were as shocked as they were, we were the number two seed, the MNT (6-2) playing the number five seeded (4-4) team of Riebling and Noonan.
The match started out pretty rough for the Beer Cup Champions, as Smoky and I both started off with airballs, which resulted in a two cup deficit to start off the game. We made a comeback, but in one of the most ironic twists ever, our distraction techniques, which had been dominating every other team, had no effect on Riebling. It's ironic because Ed and I give Riebling sh*t on an everyday basis, so our insults, while very disturbing to other players, was nothing compared to the years of joking that Riebling has gone through. And what seemed a fitting revenge, Riebling was the one to put us away with a clutch goal.
At this point I was so wasted, that I forgot about prize money. The champs got $11 a piece, and the Ed and I got $5 bucks for making the finals, so we got to drink for free that night. And after the party, Riebling shared the wealth by buying us some frozen pizzas from Walmart, which was the only place open at 4:00 am.
The tourney ranks among the top five nights I've ever had.
After getting drunk from 1 pm to 4 am on Saturday, the MNT returned home, and I set out for a party on Sunday night, because there was no school on Monday. I went to a house where I have partied on several occasions, and every time I go there, I have a hell of a time. I started the night off with some darts, and then I got into a fight with Rusty over a comment he made about me. Rusty informed me that he heard somewhere that I liked the cock. I replied by spitting a mouthful of beer to Rusty's face, which he didn't like so much, so we took it outside. The fight consisted of me pulling Rusty's sweatshirt over his head and punching him, hockey style. We then got our beers and went back inside, no hard feelings. At this point in the party, my daylong hangover was leaving, and I felt up to the challenge of a beer from the Beer Cup. I went out to the car, and retrieved the beer bong. And the Cup got a pretty good response from the party, I think people really liked it. But by the end of the night, I think that I was the only one that liked the Beer Cup anymore. After finishing my beer bong, I took the Cup back out to the car, and returned to the party. This was at about 12:00 am. When the keg went dry, I was on my way out the door when someone told me there was beer cans in the cooler that were for the party. So I stayed and drank some more. 1:00 rolled around and I was going to get the Beer Cup for one last round before I went home. So I made my way out to the car, got the Cup, and I noticed an SUV coming my way, but it was turning right, so I thought nothing of it. Little did I know, but the SUV was a Rolla Police K-9 unit. I took the Cup back to the party, and I was all ready to load up another one, when I heard a scream from the back of the room.
"Hey, everyone shut up, I want the owners of this house here NOW!" the voice was one of Rolla's finest. I looked at him in shock, I've been to a lot of parties that have gotten busted, and I've never seen a cop yell like that.
While the party waited for the owners to get downstairs, the policeman continued the small talk with the party.
"Who here isn't 21?" Nobody raised their hands, to which the cop said:
"You might as well tell the truth, I'll find out sooner or later."
He then threatened some people with his "97 pound St. Bernard." The cop then asked the owners a few questions and then asked for everyone to get out their ID's. He said that the owners were guilty of a "class D felony" and that everyone's scholarships could be revoked, and they would be kicked off campus. He then asked everyone to play the "honesty game." And tell him their age. Had I not been terrified out of my mind, I would have found the "honesty game" to be ridiculously funny, but I couldn't see the humor in it at that point. The guy collected everyone's ID and made everyone who was under 21 stand outside in the 16 degree weather while the other two cops who had shown up ran a check on everyone's Driver's License. The original cop asked the over 21 crowd: "Alright, who's the idiot that was crossing the street with the beer bong." I heard him from outside and replied: "It was me." The cop said: "No, he wasn't wearing a Blues shirt, okay, I'll ask this one more time, who is the idiot who was crossing the street with the beer bong." It was hard to admit that I was the idiot the first time, and even harder the second time. But I said again, "it was me." The cop then asked the dumbest f*cking question I've ever heard, "Are you sure?" No dipsh*t, I'm not sure it was me carrying the beer bong across the street. "Yes"
"Where's it at now?"
"It's over there at the bar."
What the cop did next will continue to f*ck with me for a while; he picked up the Beer Cup, the trophy I've defended over years of blood, sweat, and beers, and told everyone at the party, "This is what got you guys busted."
It's a pretty low feeling when you see girls crying, and the cops are telling them that your beer bong is the reason they got busted. I took the Beer Cup, returned it to the trunk of my car, because I've been through too much over the Cup to just hand it over to that jackass. I got my ID back, arranged a sober driver, went home and went to bed. The next day I found out that the whole thing was essentially a warning, and that the only punishment will be the next time the house is found to be selling alcohol to minors.
I had a beer the moment I found this out. That cop had me believing that there I was going to be in serious shit.
The cop sounded like the scene in Office Space where the judge sends the guy to "a federal pound me in the ass prison."
But in the end, all was forgiven, and I could go back to bonging out of the Beer Cup like the Midnight Toker that I am.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Porkers can't fuck with the MNT.