The big party was on Saturday, but that didn't stop The Troop from having a party on Friday night too. Jarv, Juan, and I went to Schnuck's to get booze for the evening. I got two 12 packs of Budweiser bottles, so you know I was ready to party. We spent $68 on booze for the party, which is quite a bit of money to spend on booze, but the amazing thing about that is the fact that there was a bottle of Hennesey in the back of the liquor counter that cost $70.
I guess that's why Hennesey is in d*mn near every rap album I've ever heard.
About 15 people came to The Stoop to party, and drinking games were going on in the kitchen and in the living room.
After getting my ass kicked at cups, I went with Mikey to a party at his frat. I was rocking a 311 shirt, and a lot of people at the frat were diggin it. I was having a great time at the party, when Mike got a call on his phone, apparently, the cops had once again invaded The Stoop. When we showed up, I couldn't f*cking believe my eyes, it was the same d*mn cop that I ran into the last time The Stoop got busted. The cop was there due to a noise complaint, and he told the Troop what would happen when (not if) they got busted again.
After a trip to Don's for my traditional SEMO Slinger, we returned to The Stoop to put an end to another wild night. However my night was not nearly as wild as everyone else's night. As I heard the next day, while I was on the living room eating THIS:
Everyone else was getting in line to LICK THIS CHICK'S GODD*MN NIPPLE!
Needless to say I was disappointed to hear that I missed out on that sh*t.
I couldn't feel too bad though, because the Main Event was about to begin, the triple-kegger was about to begin. I spent most of the day helping clean for the crazy night that was about to go down. I was ready to f*cking rock out, I had the shades on, my beads, my "Kiss Me I'm Irish" button on top of the nuts, and the kegs had just arrived when...
The motherf*cking power went out.
When it happened, some people went to the electric box to see what happened, others made phone calls, Bryan just kept eating his McDonald's, completely unphased.
The look on everyone's face in this picture tells the story:
I was pretty bumped. I tried to lighten the mood with my Chrisch Cherschtopherschon voice. So I asked:
"Doesch anyone want to play Cheradesch (charades)? Or perhapsch (perhaps) a game of Pischonary (Pictionary) would be fun." Juan corrected me, "No dude, suffice." So I reiterated, "Or perhapsch a game of Picschonary would suffisch" After laughing my ass off, I was like, "Good call Juan."
With the power out, the air conditioning naturally didn't work, and The Stoop was starting to get a little hot. Juan commented on this with one of the funniest things I've heard all year when he said:
"It gets a little hot in these RHINOS" If you've seen Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, you'll agree that that is funny as hell.
The party looked like it was in jeopardy, but there was hope, luckily, Mikey happens to also be MacGyver. After a short trip to Lowe's, the power was back on, and so was the party.
We tapped the keg at about 6:30, so I got started early. And with impeccable timing, Snatch and Smoky, two of the Midnight Tokers showed up just as the keg was tapped, And the three of us were the first ones to drink that night.
Considering that the cops busted the small party the night before, security became an issue for the bash. Mikey and Erin had the difficult task of collecting money and keeping everyone in the back of the house so the party didn't get busted. They were out there all night, but I think they found some time to have fun as well:
The party was in full effect when I went into Jarvo's room and found Jessica and her "Foxy" friend doing something called "Car Bombs" I had never heard of this, so I sat down while they showed me what it was. You take a beer, add a shot of Root Beer Schnapps, and chuck the combination. I was thinking to myself, "Yeah right, these chicks won't be able to chug that sh*t."
I couldn't have been more wrong. Not only did these chicks drink that sh*t FASTER THAN I WOULD HAVE, they did it like 5 f*cking times a piece; needless to say I was impressed. So impressed that I decided to have a photo shoot for the car bombs. My finger gets in the way of some of the shots, but give me a break, I was pretty wasted.
I can't tell you how many people showed up to this thing, but I can tell you that we managed to tap three kegs by 11:00, which is pretty d*mn fast.
At this point, I thought the party would die down, once again, I was way off. When the kegs went dry, the party REALLY got started.
There's this kid that parties at the Stoop who I've just been calling Bastien, because he looks exactly like the kid from the movie "The Neverending Story." Since the kegs were dry, alcohol became a precious commodity. Luckily, I still had some Budweiser bottles left from the night before, and I helped out Bastien with a few. I told him to go find a hot chick in the crowd and I'd take his picture with her, and Bastian made one hell of a nice choice:
That a boy
After that, I was making my way upstairs and I was trailing this girl who had quite a nice looking ass, so I took a picture of it. She turned around, and I was shocked to see that it was Jessica, she said, "Did you just take a picture of my ass?"
And I just had to laugh and say, "You d*mn right I did!"
That's art right there
There were a lot of chicks at this party, and I still had a lot of beads left, which is a crime, so I decided to start trying to deal them out. I had one customer though, who wanted my Maverick shades. And I said, "You're going to have to up the ante if you want the shades, girl." She said, "What if I licked my nipple?" After thinking about it for about 0.2 seconds, I agreed. As she moved in for "the kill" I took out my camera and took a snapshot.
She was naturally upset, but all was forgotten when she got her new pair of shades and put them on top of her hat. I then walked out to the car and put on the "backup" pair of shades that I had purchased about two weeks earlier. When I walked up to the girl wearing them, she was confused: "Did you steal those off of my hat?" I looked at her hat, and there were my shades, I swiped them, "I did now" I then walked off after one of the best maneuvers I have ever done.
I was in the living room when this drunk floozy told me the funniest f*cking story of the year. She stumbles up to me, and the was trying to whisper, but she was louder than a sober person�s normal speaking voice, here�s the dialogue that took place:
Flooz: �Hey� Hey, I gotta tell ya somethin.�
Me: �Pff, okay�
F: �Hey, don�t laugh��
DD: �Pff, ha ha ha, I�m trying��
F: �Okay, okay, I was in the bushes with this guy� having SEX�
DD: (laughing hysterically) �yeah��
F: �And when we got done, he was like �We should go back one at a time��
DD: �uh-huh, continue�
F: �And I had these twigs in my hair, and then��
�We came to this party!�
I was so d*mn close to pissing my pants it�s not even funny.
The party was epic, and what made it even better was the fact that the Troop had managed to throw such a bash without the cops even showing up. When the money was all counted, each member of the Troop ended up with $75... PROFIT!
Bryan said, "Hey, I fell like buying some shoes!"
The best way to describe the weekend is to use Jarvo's new word, "Hellacious":
HELLACIOUS PEOPLE
HELLACIOUS BOOZE
HELLACIOUS PROFIT
When I left the next day to return to Rolla, I told the Troop, "Hey, when you guys are millionaires after throwing all of the parties, please remember the little people like me."