Author: Doc Paul [email protected].
Disclaimers: M&M do not belong to me, if they did I would treat them nicer and take them out to play.
Distribution: Exclusive to "Cause we know..." & Mud.
Maria had left over half an hour ago. Michael couldn�t stop watching the closed door that she had walked out. How was he to feel about all this? He couldn�t stop seeing the images of Maria as a child crying after her father left. But it was the images that he hadn�t told her about that still violated his mind. How could he tell her that all those things he saw made him even more vulnerable to her? Endless parades of men in and out of her life as her mother�s train wreck of a life shaped Maria�s. It was the men who smiled at her and tried to touch her that scared him the most. How could her mother leave her small defenseless child vulnerable to these people? Her life really wasn�t that different from Michael�s life. The only comfort he could find was the knowledge that despite the attempts and come-ons, Maria had remained unmolested.
Thank God. Michael could hardly contain the rage inside him at merely the thought of her in harm, but if he had to relive a violation from her past his rage would have broken free. He too had been spare sexual abuse, but the amounts of physical abuse still scarred him. He wondered if that was why Maria was not getting visions like Liz. His past had taught him to hold himself in reserve, to keep parts of him hidden from everyone, even Isabel and Max. The closer Maria came to break through his reserves the more he pushed her away using coldness and just plain nastiness to put her at a distance. She had no idea how close she had come to getting in, to opening all the doors. He felt his heart lighten and then open, and quickly as possible, he shut it again. When she had lied about the vision he had been relieved that she was able to access that information without all his walls tumbling. But, after she confessed, Michael was just too angry to be reasonable. He wanted to be in on the hunt for his past and needed visions for that. He needed Maria. He had hoped for a small amount of time that it was possible to achieve visions without given away too much.
Michael could feel himself weakening to Maria. With just a moment of honesty and vulnerability she managed to open Michael up. How was he to walk away from the first person that has ever wanted him, ever wanted a deep close relationship with him? Max and Isabel have always had each other and shared a closeness that was only possible between two people raised as brother and sister. They had a past, experiences and parents together, things that Michael could never have with them. He could feel Isabel and Max like parts of his soul, but Maria moved even deeper. She wrapped around him like warm smoothing waters merging into him where when they were together he wasn�t always sure where he ended and she started. Michael had felt lonely and alone almost all his life, but when Maria left he felt more alone than he could ever remember. You don�t miss what you never have unless you touch the dream for a while and then have it walk away.
Michael woke to the knocking at his door. Maria? Max stood at the door waiting for Michael. �Hey, what�s with the face?�
�Sorry, Max, just thought you were someone else.� Max and Michael looked at each other for a few minutes until Michael moved to the side to let Max into the apartment. Max calmly waited for Michael to ask him about last night. He waited and waited, but Michael remained silent. Okay.
�So aren�t you going to ask me about Liz and the visions?�
�No, actually I was going to ask you where the hell you went last night that prompted a phone call from two sets of hysterical parents early this morning. I especially loved the way they assumed that if heavy mating was occurring that you two would be here doing it.�
�Actually Michael, that�s exactly what you and Isabel expected us to do when you left us here alone last night. So why so put out?�
�Nothing really, I guess when they called I realized that you and Liz once again were out there searching for clues. This has always been my quest and I guess I felt a little left out.� Michael stretched and popped his back. He was going to have to do something about not sleeping on his couch.
�Anyway, did you discover any new clues?�
Max reached into his bag and pulled out the alien orb and passed it to Michael. There came a knock at the door. Michael passed the object back to Max to place in his bag and went to answer the door. A very irate Isabel pushed past Michael to stop in front of her brother.
�I can�t believe that you just took off without me, Max. First you�re out all night, I have mom and dad asking me questions early this morning. Then, you take off without even telling me anything. What is wrong with you? I can�t believe that...� Isabel stopped talking as Max drew the object out of the bag and placed it in her hands. The three stood staring at it in silence. Now what?
~~~~~
Maria had an early shift this morning at the Crash Down. Tips were usually great on the weekends especially on Sunday. The advantage to living in a town like Roswell was that to rural communities around you, your town was considered a large commerce area. Surrounding areas come into Roswell on the weekends to stock up supplies for the week, women come to shop, families to catch a movie or some type of entertainment, and then there quite lucrative.
Neither of Liz�s parents spoke much this morning and Liz was decidedly absent from her usual shift. Maria was hoping to sneak upstairs during a break to see how Liz was and get some of the story about yesterday. So Maria continued to work and collect tips while daydreaming about Michael.
Finally around 2 p.m. Maria got the opportunity to take a break. To be sure that she didn�t get Liz in anymore trouble she decided to ask Mr. Parker if it was okay to go upstairs. �I was just going to take a quick break. Is Liz upstairs?�
Mrs. Parker came around the corner hearing Maria�s question. �If she knows what�s good for her, she better be.� Maria looked at Liz�s mom closely. She could still see the cold anger burning in her eyes, but if you looked closely you could notice the slight pink to her eyes. Liz�s mom had been crying.
�I just wanted to make sure that we were going to study for our test tonight. I really didn�t want to put it off until tomorrow.� Mr. Parker pulled his wife into the kitchen.
�Go ahead Maria, you can go upstairs.� On her way up Maria noticed Mr. Parker pulling his wife close and talking in her ear while smoothing her back.
~~~~~
�Liz, it�s me, Maria. Can I come in?� Maria waited outside Liz�s door until it finally opened. �Hi, I missed you downstairs today.� Liz finally looked up at Maria. It was obvious that Liz had been crying. Her eyes were red and her nose had that blown too many times look. �You want to talk about it?�
�I am not allowed to see Max except at school. No eraser room, no lunches, and no after school activities forever if my mom has any say in it. I am on probation.� Maria went to sit on Liz�s bed. �I�ll be lucky to date again when I�m thirty. It doesn�t mean anything that Max and I haven�t had sex, but my mom doesn�t care. All she sees is her little girl is growing up and there is nothing she can do about it. He�s it. He�s the love of my life and I am going to lose him because of my family. I swear Maria, when I leave for college; I am never coming back. I�m so tired living my life to please everyone else. I mean no matter how much you give and give it will never be enough.�
�Liz, your parents are just concerned. I would be more worried if they weren�t. I mean we are only sixteen. It�s our job to push away and try to create individuality and our sense of self, and it�s their job to try to keep us safe from harm. At this age it�s not unusual that these two goals tend to clash. Just give it sometime and try to talk to them again after they calm down.�
�I know your right. I hate hurting and worrying my mom like this. It�s just I have these feelings. They�re so strong. When I see Max my heart quickens, my palms sweat, and my mouth is dry. I just can�t keep him out of my head. I see him when I close my eyes.�
�Look Liz, I know that many kids our age are having sex and experimenting in different things. But, I know that you and me will not do anything until we feel we are ready. Know that, it doesn�t matter when we are ready, because our parents will never be ready. It doesn�t matter whether we are thirty, twenty, or eighteen. Parents and their children�s sex life will always be a subject of taboo. Look at how my mom reacted when I let Michael spend the night.�
�You�re right again, but I really think I�m ready. The problem is that I don�t think Max is. I mean, if something had happened the other night it�s not like I could come back later and have Max not regret it. And if I wanted to be honest, I would admit that I was afraid that afterwards Max would remember who he is and who I am and break up with me again. Then I would spend the rest of my life wanting something I can never have.�
�It�s tough, kid. Look I better get back downstairs. You want me to come over tonight so we can begin studying for our test on Wednesday?�
�You know, I think I need sometime alone tonight. Can we make it a mega-study session on Monday? The test isn�t for a few more days, so we still have time.�
�No problem. I�ll call you later tonight to see when you want to get together.� Maria got up slowly pulling her CrashDown uniform down.
�See you later.�
�Hey, Maria?�
�Yeah?�
�Are you ready? I mean, with Michael, you know, if things were different?�
Maria laughs and gives Liz a wave on her way out the door.
�Babe, with that man, I was born ready.�
After Maria returned downstairs Mrs. Parker came from around the door to watch Maria�s retreating back. It was nice that Liz had a friend that she could talk to about boys, school and sex, but the mother in her wanted her only child to feel close enough to confined in her. Maybe it was time to really think about Liz and her relationship with Max and make some concessions. Children growing up are as inevitable as the sun rising in the morning. Maybe Max�s mom would have some ideas or even Maria�s. Liz has her support group. Maybe it�s time for the parents to create their own group.
~~~~~
Michael spent the next weeks watching Maria from afar. It was as if she had decided to make an effort to avoid him. It hurt more than he could admit. He was the one who pushed her away. She made it very clear that all she really wanted was to be close to him, to share a part of her life with him. Michael felt that he was his own curse. Wanting her and yet never able to accept the gifts her love offered him. Over the past few days he had to hold himself together to keep from walking up to her and manipulating her feelings for him to his own purpose.
He realized that he needed to keep himself apart from others, so that when it came time to leave that strong attachments would only make it harder. But lately doubts began to grow inside him. If they could leave or return to their home planet, then why did Nasedo stay here all these years? What if this is their home forever and there is no going back? What if he spends his entire life keeping apart until he finally dies and he had never really lived? He just waited and waited for something that never came. How could he live with himself for throwing away someone like Maria for a dream that never became reality?
�Michael?� Michael looked up to see Maria waiting for him with her order pad open and pen poised. She looked tired and reserved. When did she become so quiet? God, she is so beautiful. Michael could feel a wave of coldness inside him, but it seemed to actually come from Maria.
�Just a cheeseburger with the works and a large cherry coke, Maria.�
He noticed how she flinched when he said her name. He liked tacking her name into sentences now. Her reaction was interesting and got that look in her eye like she liked knowing he was noticing her, or something. Hell, if they were younger it would be like him pulling her braids or at the very least dipping them into an inkwell.
�You know, Michael, far be it from me to tell you how to live your life, but now that you have your own place, you may consider eating there instead of here.�
�What? Don�t you want to serve me anymore?�
�That�s not what I am saying. I just mean that this food is okay once in a while, but it is hardly healthy staple diet. Too much of this stuff and you are going to need start exercising to keep the middle trim.�
�Are you saying that I am getting fat?� Michael began to rise in volume and people turned to look at them.
�Shush! Stay here, I�ll be right back.� Maria left a slightly outraged Michael sitting in the booth glaring at people around him.
�Mr. Parker?� Liz�s dad turned around to look at Maria. He had been concerned about her over the past week. She had lost weight, which was something she did not need to do. �I was wondering if you mind if I left early today? I have a bad headache and the place is quiet tonight.�
�No, go ahead Maria, take the rest of the night off. And as a favor to me, could you try to eat something?�
�Sure, no problem Mr. P.� Maria quickly gathered her stuff and headed back to Michael�s table. He watched her approach with her jacket over her arm. She reached down and grabbed his hand. �Come on, let�s go.�
�Where are we going? Maria, what about my order?� Michael let himself be led out of the Crashdown. Her hand seemed so small in his, so much more delicate than he remembered. Not that he really spent much time holding hands with her. Michael almost felt lightheaded from standing so close to her, her scent, the feel of her, and the sound of her gentle breathing.
Michael followed her to the Jetta getting in the passenger side. Maria drove a few blocks to the nearest grocery store. �I am assuming that you have very few groceries at your place. Am I right?�
�I have some stuff, mostly cereal and milk and some junk food. I don�t need your help.�
�To bad, Buster, this is my good deed of the week.� Maria grabbed a basket pushing Michael behind it taking off towards the produce department. Michael raced after her pushing the cart.
�Maria, I don�t have that much cash on me and my next check doesn�t come for another week.�
�I�ve got you covered. Your money will go farther if you cook at home and eat leftovers. My mom and I have perfected the process of making money stretch. So do you like pasta, lasagna, and spaghetti? They are the best foods for leftovers and so is homemade pizza. The best thing about homemade pizza is that it is more feeling than takeout and it reheats really well.� Michael was watching Maria talk about food and realized that he had spaced out while she rambled on about homemade pizza?
�Maria, I can only cook a few things like omelets, cold cereal, and a pretty good meatloaf. Oh yeah, instant potatoes, I do instant almost anything. That�s it.�
�Don�t worry, I can cook, so I�ll give you lessons. We�ll start with lasagna. That should give you a few days of leftovers. This weekend I teach you to make a spicy Cajun bean casserole with sausage. You�ll love it. You can use as much Tabasco as you want.�
�Maria, I can�t let you�.� Michael trailed off as Maria just kept shopping.
�Hey, what�s with all the fruit? I really don�t eat fresh vegetables. Why don�t we just get some canned ones?�
�Because canned ones are not as good for you, and fresh vegetables and fruit are necessary to keep you lean and fit.� Maria took off again leaving Michael standing with a scowl on his face.
�Are you saying I�m getting fat, again?� Michael chased after Maria.
TBC