Author: Mnemosyne [email protected]
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, but if they were, you can bet they'd be married and living happily in Montana by now.
Summary: A week after "BTM," Maria thinks about her
decision and whether it was the right one.
Spoilers: Up to and including "Behind the Music."
Distribution: Take it!:)
Notes: Okay, I've written the angsty "BTM" piece, so here comes the sweet one. *giggle* Hopefully my sweet smut muscle hasn't atrophied. Cross your fingers, folks, and enjoy the ride. *grin*
Dedication: To all my fellow Candies who are suffering right now. We've just gotta have faith. :)
Muse-ic: Roxette, Dido, Bonnie Tyler
"Breathe some faith into my chest.
Lay me down, I need the rest.
Ever since the sky turned gray,
I've waited for the perfect day.
Hey now - it seems you've always
Touched me like the sun.
There's no escape for the broken hearted,
There's no return when you've lost your way.
I say a prayer now our love's departed
That you'll come back to stay,
And bring the perfect day."
-Roxette
"Perfect Day"
***********
Maria stared at the list in front of her and wondered
for the zillionth time why she'd even written it. The
concept was simple enough-- weighing the pros and cons
of a relationship with Michael. The problems arose
when she actually got to writing things down.
The pros not only outweighed the cons, but they
totally blew them out of the water.
She'd split the piece of notebook paper into two
columns and written "Pro" on one side and "Con" on the
other.
PRO:
-Really great sex
-He's too adorable for words
-He means well, even when he screws up
-When he doesn't screw up, he's the perfect boyfriend
-We work together, so it's awkward being split up
-I miss his mouth (sweet kisses)
-I miss his hands (other reasons)
-He's the perfect height
-Without me around, he doesn't brush his hair
-I bet he's starving since I'm not there to remind him
to eat something
-He makes great Italian food
-I wrote a song about him sophomore year
-He stayed for me
-I love him
CON:
-I'm not me
-I want to follow my dreams
Maria sighed. "Great," she muttered, tapping her
pencil on the piece of paper. "So I've got the
concrete good stuff versus the abstract bad. This is
NOT helping my argument any."
The "I love him" was already surrounded by a thick
black circle drawn in pencil, and she went back to
recircling it over and over. John Lennon-- all you
need is love. The song kept echoing through her
skull, driving her crazy.
"FINE!" she finally grumbled, frustrated. She threw
her pencil aside and rubbed her eyes. "I screwed up.
I get it. Quit reminding me."
Standing up, she slipped her feet into her shoes and
grabbed her coat off the foot of her bed. "Great,
great, great," she kept muttering as she stomped
around her room, putting away the pencil and pulling
on her coat. "He's going to make me beg. I know
he'll make me beg."
Finally ready, she stormed out her bedroom door,
pausing only long enough to tear her list to shreds so
her mother wouldn't find it and grill her about the
sex.
********
It was raining as she drove to his apartment building.
By the time she arrived, she'd gone through more
than a hundred different versions of her apology.
Some were better than others, and some were out and
out ridiculous. No, she wasn't going to offer to do
anything he wanted in order to gain his forgiveness,
because knowing Michael, he'd take her up on that.
When she finally found herself at his door, she still
hadn't chosen what she would say. "Now or never," she
murmured. Raising a hand, she knocked briskly and
waited.
The door opened a few seconds later, and Michael gazed
down at her. The surprise in his eyes was muted by
something else-- fear. For a moment Maria wondered
what he could be afraid of. It wasn't until he spoke
that she realized it was her.
"Maria...?" His voice was soft, slightly scared.
Vulnerable. It reminded her of a turtle, pulling its
head inside its rock hard shell to protect its soft
underbelly; she winced. "What do you want?"
She wanted to say something pithy. She wanted to
regale him with explicit details of every dream she'd
had about him in the week since Billy left. She
wanted to tell him how much she missed laughing with
him as they watched "Saturday Night Live" reruns on
Comedy Central, curled up on his couch, a bowl of
popcorn between them. She wanted to tell him she
loved him.
But in the end, all she could say was, "I want to come
back."
And all he said back was, "Okay."
************
"Okay? That's it? You're just going to say OKAY?"
Michael sighed as he pulled two Snapples from the
fridge. "What am I supposed to say, Maria? Tell me."
He kicked the fridge door shut. "Do you want some
crackers or something?"
Maria was sitting on his couch, looking totally
flustered. She shook her head quickly, then continued
her disbelieving tirade. "OKAY? I come to your door,
on my hands and knees-"
"You looked on your feet to me."
"-and all you can say is OKAY? No "Gee, Maria, what
changed your mind?" or "Hey, wow, that's great! I
was hoping you'd do that!" God, even "No!" But OKAY?
What kind of answer is that, Michael?"
"I didn't know it was supposed to be a question."
"Michael, stop being a smart ass and answer me." She
looked honestly confused.
Michael walked to the couch and sat down beside her.
He opened her Snapple and placed it in her hand, then
opened his own. "So you want to know why I said
"Okay"?"
"Yes!"
He shrugged and took a sip from his bottle. "Fair
enough." He turned to her. "I said "Okay" because I
don't care why you came back. All I care about is
that you did."
Maria tilted her head, setting her Snapple on the
floor. "You... Why?"
For a second, he didn't answer her. Over the past
week, he'd missed the smell of her perfume. Not
forgotten-- just missed. Having it back again was
intoxicating, like the scent of opium poppies. He
hoped she'd stay long enough to infuse his walls with
it.
When he finally spoke, it was softer than he'd
intended, but still loud enough to be audible.
"Because I love you. And because I didn't want to say
too much and lose you again." He looked down into his
Snapple bottle. "I've done that enough already."
When her soft hand began to gently rub his back, tears
almost blinded him. Maria was touching him-- soothing
him. That meant this was real. That meant she really
wanted to be here. "Michael..." she murmured, and he
could see her shaking her head in the corner of his
eye. "It wasn't you."
He nodded faintly. "Sure it was," he said softly.
"When I went to talk to you at the Crashdown... I
talked about the wrong thing. I talked about Billy."
Raising his head, he looked into her eyes. "I didn't
want to talk about Billy, Maria. I wanted to talk
about you. Us. I wanted to tell you how...fucking
ANGRY I was that he was in your house."
"Shhhhhhh," she consoled, rubbing his back. "He's
gone now. I understand, it's okay."
"No," he argued, shaking his head. "No, it's not
okay. God, Maria..." Frustrated, he ran his fingers
through his long hair. Setting his Snapple on the
floor, he turned to her and grabbed both her hands.
"Maria, when I stayed in your house that night after
Hank kicked the shit out of me-"
"Michael," she broke in, eyes worried, but he
continued over her.
"-I woke up in the morning and got beaten out of the
house with a newspaper. Billy got to stay with you,
sleep in your house, and nobody beat him away." He
squeezed her hands, trying to keep his emotions in
check. The last thing he could afford right now was
to accidentally blow up the television. "He didn't
have to earn anyone's trust, Maria. I DID. Yours,
your mother's... I had to work for that, and then
Billy came along and waltzed into your life, and BAM.
Instant trust." Tilting his head, he raised a hand to
cup her cheek. "Do you get it now?"
Tears were rimming Maria's large green eyes as she
reached up to cover his hand with her own.
"Michael... It wasn't... I knew him. We were
friends."
"FOUR YEARS ago, Maria. Four years. Four years can
change people. Four years changed me, didn't it? Am
I the same Michael who scared the hell out of you in
that alley before the Crash Festival?"
"No, you're not, but-"
"Is Isabel the ice queen she was when you first met
her? Is Max the same? Is Liz? Or Kyle?"
"Michael-"
"Maria." He raised his other hand to hold her face
tenderly. "Maria, are YOU the same?" She swallowed,
averting her eyes, and he knew he had her. "No, I
didn't think so. That's why you left me." Gently, he
stroked his thumbs over her cheekbones. "So why did
Billy get to stop time and be the same, Maria? That's
what scared me, more than where he was or what he was
doing. That's why I was so. Damn. Scared to lose
you." Passing his fingers over her lips, he murmured,
"And I was right."
Maria grabbed his wrist, holding his hand still.
"Michael... God, I'm so sorry." She kissed his
fingertips, one by one, and pressed his palm to her
cheek. "Please..."
"Shhhhhhhh," he whispered, pulling her gently against
his chest and rubbing her back. "Shhhh, I already
told you, I should have said all this in the
Crashdown."
"I should have known."
"Do you think I expect you to know what's going on in
my head, Maria?" Kissing her hair, he shook his head.
"Hell no. Half the time I don't know myself. If I
did, I'd never have let you go at all."
**********
"I just... God, Michael, I don't know what I was
thinking." Maria sighed against his chest. "It was
just so nice, having music in my life again. Ever
since Alex... I guess I missed it more than I thought
I did." She kissed Michael's collarbone, rubbing his
side tenderly. "I fooled myself. I made myself
believe that my fears were your fault." Lifting her
eyes, she gazed into his face. "I'm sorry."
He smiled faintly, and Maria felt an explosion of
butterflies in her stomach. She'd almost forgotten
how much his smile excited her. "Are we both going to
just keep blaming ourselves all night?" he asked
softly, his long-fingered hand stroking her hair.
"Because I've been doing that enough all week."
Maria laughed quietly and shook her head, sitting up a
little so she could look at him with more ease.
"Mistakes made on both sides, right? Let's call it
even and get on with life."
Michael's smile widened and he nodded. "Aye, aye,
ma'am."
Maria giggled. "Quit it."
"Quit what?" He gave her an innocent look.
She laughed harder. "Acting all coy and stuff. You
know how much that turns me on."
"Coy, ma'am? Why, whatever do you mean?" He started
to lean forward slowly, guiding her back to the couch.
"How would me being coy turn you on?"
Maria smiled warmly, twining her arms around his neck.
"Just shut up and kiss me, you idiot," she whispered.
"I've missed you."
He grinned. "Aye, aye, ma'am," he murmured, and
kissed her as he pressed her into the threadbare
cushions of his couch.
Maria moaned into his mouth, her fingers sliding
lazily through his long, silky hair. It felt so
natural, opening her knees so his body could lower
down between her thighs. How could she have imagined
life without this? Without him doing these things to
her? No wonder "Really great sex" had topped her list
of positives.
"Mmm, yes," she purred as his lips left her mouth to
trail soft, wet, hungry kisses down the side of her
neck. Weather had been warm the last few days, and
her clothes reflected that-- a pink t-shirt and a pair
of denim shorts. "I've really, really, REALLY missed
you, Michael."
He laughed quietly against her throat as he kissed
across to her other shoulder. "Am I just about sex to
you?" he whispered in her ear, humor tinging his
voice.
Maria grinned, arching her back so his large hands
could scoop her t-shirt up along her body. "That and
other things," she answered, raising up slightly so he
could pull the t-shirt off entirely. When she settled
down again, she opened her eyes to gaze up into his
face. "There's your motorcycle, too."
Michael arched an eyebrow, chuckling slightly. "You
like the bike, huh?"
"I LOVE the bike."
"Yeah? I'll have to keep that in mind." He started
kissing down her throat again.
Maria closed her eyes, her entire body going lax.
"Mmmm, you do that," she purred, balling his black
t-shirt in her hands so that it slid up his torso as
he moved down her body.
"Anything else?" he asked, voice muffled as he reached
her breasts.
One of his hands came up to open the front clasp of
her bra, and Maria moaned as her chest sprang free.
"Oh, yeah, you betcha," she said breathily. "Like
your hair...and your eyes...and your chest..."
"Mmm, yeah, chests are good." He nipped and sucked at
the insides of her breasts, and Maria gasped with
pleasure. She tugged at his shirt urgently. The
nightlife between her legs was perking up, and she
didn't want him to miss any of the fun.
Michael must have gotten the message because he sat up
and quickly stripped off his t-shirt, then began
quickly opening his jeans, leaping up off the couch to
push them off, along with his boxers. Maria moaned
and did likewise with her own shorts, lifting her hips
and shoving the denim down her legs. She kicked it
away, her panties still tucked inside, and held up her
arms to him, flexing her fingers.
**********
Michael growled hungrily and fell on her, wrapping his
arms tightly around her waist as he pulled her up
against his chest. "I love you so friggin' much,
Maria," he gasped against her neck before going back
to sucking on an ever-growing hickey just beside her
pulse point.
"Ooooooh, Michael," she moaned in his ear, rubbing her
breasts against his chest. "Michael, yes...
yesssss...."
He raised a hand to cup one of the soft orbs of flesh,
kneading firmly but with tenderness. Maria liked it
that way. She liked him to massage her breast,
catching her nipple between two of his knuckles and
squeezing it as he lovingly worked the sensitive,
giving flesh. He did so now, and was rewarded with a
long, deep moan that vibrated against his lips.
Pulling away from her throat, he raised his head and
looked at her. Her neck was arched and her face was
pointed skyward, lips moving as though in prayer. She
was rocking faintly in his lap, and the moisture on
his legs proved her readiness to him.
Sliding one hand up her back into her hair, he tilted
her head forward so he could see her face. Like a
blinking doll at Christmas, her eyes opened as he
tipped her face towards him. "Michael...?" she
murmured, but he just shook his head. She stopped
speaking and smiled gently, waiting. His hand had
mussed her hair slightly, so that it jutted out around
her head in soft, golden ripples. To him, she looked
like the sun.
Finally, he spoke. "I thought I'd never share this
with you again," he whispered, unable to prompt more
volume from his voice box. "Thank you."
Maria's eyes softened even more, and her light hands
slid up his chest to cup his face. "Thank you for
taking me back," she whispered in response. "You
didn't have to."
He nodded slightly, his eyes never leaving hers. "Yes
I did."
"Why?"
"Because you did the same for me." He smiled slowly,
and so did she.
Maria leaned in and kissed his eyebrow, then his
temple. She nuzzled down his face until she reached
his mouth, then raised her eyes to meet his before she
whispered against his lips.
"Okay."
She kissed him, long and slow. Familiar tendrils of
fire coiled around his arms and torso as she raised up
on her knees. When she sank down again, sheathing his
throbbing erection in her soft, moist interior,
fireworks exploded behind his eyelids.
Outside, he heard a streetlight explode, but he
ignored it and began to move.
*********
Maria heard his groan and felt it collide with her
own, making their lips buzz. Her belly fluttered with
pleasure as his shaft went deep, and she tightened her
hold on his neck, pressing their mouths together even
more. God, he could kiss. THIS was passion. THIS
was what had been missing in that stupid, IDIOT kiss
with whatshisname. How on earth had she forgotten?
Oh, right. Michael wasn't from Earth.
"Yesssssssssssss," she moaned into his mouth as he
began to thrust gently, his hips moving in short,
smooth waves. "Oh, Miiiiiiichael..."
"Move, Maria," he whispered against her lips, his
voice hoarse. One hand cupped her bottom, rubbing
firmly. "Move with me."
She nodded, whimpering with the electric thrill that
was zinging through her body. Arching her back, she
began to rock with him, gasping with each downstroke,
pulling in as much air as she could on the way up.
Michael cupped her hip with his free hand, guiding
her. "You're beautiful," he panted against her chest.
"So damn beautiful... God, yes..." He squeezed her
bottom very gently, as if to reassure himself of her
presence.
Maria purred and kissed his ear. "I looooove you,"
she cooed, drawing out the second word as she slid
down his erection. Michael shuddered happily, holding
her tighter.
He tilted her hips a fraction of an inch, and she
groaned long and loud. "Oh gawwwwwwwwwwwwd...!" Her
body began to move faster as he rubbed her g-spot.
"Oh God, YES! Michael, YES! Pleeeease, don't move!
Oh YES YES!" The sweat that covered their bodies
made her hands slick, but she scrabbled to hold onto
his shoulders, digging her fingers into his skin.
"Maria, God," he gasped, and she felt his mouth close
around one of her nipples, sucking fiercely. She
yelped and pulled his head tight against her, lacing
her fingers through his hair and holding him in place.
Explosions of color were making it harder and harder
to see, so Maria squeezed her eyes shut and clenched
her teeth, keening out a wordless sound. The familiar
tidal wave of orgasm was building inside her, and she
could tell from the inexorable tensing of his body,
the quickening of his thrusts, that he was approaching
that same crash to shore.
"Please," she gasped, nodding for no reason. "Please,
Michael."
He moaned around her nipple, nodding as well, and
slammed up into her body.
"YES!" Maria screamed, her back arching further, as
with a shudder and a sharp jerk she climaxed. Her
sheath clenched around Michael's erection, making him
moan. His mouth opened around her nipple as his hips
stalled and he orgasmed as well, panting for air.
"M...Maria..." he gasped, kneading her hips.
"Maria..."
"Shhhh," she soothed, breathless, and slumped forward
against him, her cheek resting on his shoulder. She
began to rhythmically stroke his back, enjoying the
cool puffs of his hurried breaths on her damp neck.
Smiling dreamily, she wrapped her arms around his
waist and squeezed gently. "That was nice," she
murmured near his ear.
"Yeah," Michael panted in reply, his own arms circling
her waist and holding her close. He nuzzled her
shoulder then kissed the same spot. "You okay?"
She giggled. "Of course I am. We've done this
before, remember? Or could you have forgotten
already?"
Michael chuckled and kissed her cheek. "I'd never
forget," he murmured in her ear, caressing her damp
hair. "It's just been a while. I didn't know if
you'd...acclamated to life without it."
Maria laughed a little and punched him playfully in
the stomach. "Full of yourself much?"
"No, you're full of me."
"Mmm, you're right." She closed her eyes again,
grinning. "Let's keep it that way a while, all
right?"
He kissed her ear. "Okay."
She chuckled as he tilted them backwards, so that she
was lying on his chest. "There's that "Okay" again,"
she observed dreamily. "Does that word get you far in
life or something?"
"It got me here, didn't it?" He massaged her thighs.
Maria grinned. "You're right." She sighed happily
and settled comfortably against him. "I think okay's
my new favorite word."
THE END