Mom is a basket case. She won't play with me and keeps moving my toys around and, gulp, throwing out my most favorite chewy things...the old, hard chewed up ones! Well, at least she's clearing out a wide play area. I like to guess where she wants to go and plop right down there with my most innocent look. When is she gonna play with me?

One-week prior:

When she's not cleaning she's on that noisy box thing. No time for belly rubs, no time for long walks...she doesn't love me anymore. There better be a lot of treats in this scenario somewhere. She even washed my toys! I miss the covering of dust that made them all the same color. The final insult: she washes my blanket!

Wednesday night:

People! She brought people to play with me! Yippee! Where's the food? No ice cream for me? Mom knows I love soft vanilla.

Thursday morning:

While Mom's busy, I climb into bed with two lovely young ladies. Ah, this is the life. In seconds, they get the hint (well trained) and start rubbing my belly, cooing at me (well, I'll just have to put up with it), and saying how cute I am (got that right!). Ah, a new walker. I bet I can drag her anywhere and she won't know where I'm not allowed.

Hey, wait a minute. You can't leave. I'm not done with you! Well, I guess its naptime while they're gone.

Friday:

I start the day in bed with the ladies again. Mom always rubs my belly for a half-hour each morning; everything after that is cake! While the girls are in the city and Mom's at work, Miss Caroline across the street takes me away for a night of chasing her cat and playing 'here comes the spider' finger games. I LOVE HER! She delivers me back home in time to greet Mom and her friends. It's my job you know.

Saturday:

They're leaving AGAIN. Sheesh! Didn't they come to play with me?

Sunday:

Finally, I get to be with Mom. The girls are petting me like crazy. Are we ever gonna get out of this car? We get to the cat's house and I immediately go in and terrorize him. Come on, buddy, I just want to play, what's your problem? (ROWR!) Ah, well, you can't win em all. If I could just get that catnip toy away from him....

But oh, I have to get some of that hamburger first. And mom has cheese. And those yummy treats Bren brought as a gift from Peanut! I liked her the minute I smelled her!

With everyone on the floor, it's so much easier to scam food and get the attention I deserve. Mimi looks terrified at first, but the old Samson charm gets to her and soon she is actually smiling at me. I quickly determine that Keith is the only real man here and model myself on him. We sack out on the floor while the women yak it up. All the time they think I'm relaxing I am waiting for someone to spill the cheese dip.

Monday morning:

Sooo many goodies yesterday that I don't feel so good. Now where can I get sick that Mom won't find it? Ah, right here on the carpet under the sofabed. She'll never find that. It's dark under here.

Monday night:

Uh, sorry mom. It wasn't me, really! And why are you going to sleep so early?

Tuesday night:

Got my mom back again. She is laying on the loving big time. Ah, guilt, it's a beautiful thing. I lick her nose to show her she's forgiven and hope those girls will come back again soon. With any luck, there'll be another barbecue...how about some filet mignon this time, Mom?

Spoiled? Me? Ridiculous!

Thank you for having me at your gathering. I loved being your mascot and was so happy to be included. Mom really liked having me around so she didn't have to feel like I was being neglected. Plus she likes to show me off! I really loved all the goodies you snuck me and well, Pepto Bismol doesn't taste THAT bad! See you next time! ~~~~~~~~woof woof