My Poetry


Lines
looking back at my early life
i see the marks i've left behind
some straight and flat
others jagged and sharp
then there are the marks
curved and many
intertwining with another
it's exactly where
my life began with you
straight lines of content
jagged lines of struggle
the curves of our lives
as we tried a dance of harmony
but looking back at it all
the harmony was always there
our lines a perfect symphony
Just A Chance
a fleeting glance
a chance encounter
just a moment
for our eyes to meet
another world
another time
a brief "Hello"
would you have been mine?
the slightest touch
an accidental brush
a spark of truth
the flow of heat
one heartbeat
a blink of an eye
one more sigh
this time, this life,
goodbye
A Moment in Time
a tender moment
captured in just one second
a smile
a laugh
a tear
giggles erupting
faces covered with delight
a little water
a little dirt
pies ready to be served!
too old
too fast
grow up and away
memories fading
time begins to erase
the happiest of my thoughts
taking a picture
for my moment in time
I Said I Was Sorry
i said i was sorry
it just wasn't meant to be
you cried and pleaded
and even begged me to see
that life would be good
you would change for me
but i just shook my head
and walked away

i said i was sorry
things won't be the same
we've changed
we've grown
i just couldn't take YOU anymore
you held too tight
you sheltered me too much
i needed to be me

i said i was sorry
you were afraid
that i would find the true me
you ranted and raved
screamed and yelled
moaned and groaned
it just wasn't right
i'm leaving you now
i said i was sorry
Echoes
listening to the thunder in the distance
i pull my coat closer to my body
my mind is empty
my soul cold
darkness slowly rises
my breath coming out in white cold wisps
your words echo in my head
unshed tears cover my eyes
all emotions leave
my body now an empty shell
i listened to your words
silent and still
i stared you down till you walked away
mumbling your apologies
and i continued to stand
at the same place you left me
feeling and not feeling the rain
cold air fills my lungs
making me realize the chill
and so i walk
with no purpose
as your words echo in my mind
Innocent Thoughts
It was only small talk
That's all it really was
We said our names
And gave our life stories
Then the dreams
I forgot my life
Forgot the people in it
I lived in a dream
A romance fantasy
That seemed so real
It was everything I had hoped
Everything I had wished
And looked for
I had to shake myself a few times
To bring me back to reality
But there you always were
Calling out to me
Like a beacon in the night
To be with you and your life
Did you want the same of me?
To be a part of my life
Then all too soon it ends
You stop talking to me
You stop calling to me

Lights on
"What did you think of the movie?"
Never Say Goodbye
the time has come
although we
never say goodbye
we part from here
not knowing what the future may hold
but we
never say goodbye
go now
don't say another word
let's part in our
separate ways
let's say
so long for now
but
never say goodbye
rain's requiem
rivulets of rain
water winding its way down the window
pane, pouring
fast from forever
sky, seeing nothing but
gray and ghastly
demons demanding
light with evil laughter
thundering throughout the tortured
sky, seeking solace from silence
rain rapidly reaching
watery
fingers finding and holding fast
one cold kiss
{untitled}
the photo album sticks out of my bookcase
waiting for me to open its memory filled pages

slowly i turn the pages
and i find your picture
i stare into your
warm and shining eyes
i see your smile
the smile that would always light up your face
i remember all the good times we shared
all the times when you cared
but those memories are gone
you went ahead
while i stayed on

i close the photo album
and put it back in its place
shutting the memories
leaving no trace
contemplation
i just sit
wondering what i have done
to deserve your disgrace
you turn your back to me
in my time of need
and then wonder why i suffer
for as long as i have

i just sit
and cry my hurts
taking your stinging words
and your lashing lies
my soul shrinking once again
to the black abyss

i just sit
and wonder why i take the abuse
the hands that bruise
the heart with no love or happiness
a body with no soul

i just sit
the numbness taking over
my eyes losing the light
my body losing life

i just sit
willing the light to fade
willing to be forgotten

i just sit
and take the final step...

i just sit


Choices
i stared straight ahead
thinking
am i doing the right thing?
the voices in the background
are muted and low
the wall in front of me
begins to dance and sway
before my eyes
am i doing the right thing?
the decision was made
there was no turning back
rush hour
closing time
computer off
straighten desk
pens put back to their rightful place
"have a great weekend!"
������ "you too"
"goodbye"
outside the world turns quickly
cars rushing
people hunched against the wind
"excuse me"
������ "pardon me"
"coming through"
then back down in the underworld
thwack!
������ click!
thwack!
������ click!
rumbling in the rails
we move forward
pushing each other in
like sardines only worse
tempers flare
������ got to make that bus
������ got to make that train
thwack!
������ click!
thwack!
������ click!
above ground
������ and they're off!
a fast paced dance against the clock
������ swerve here
������ watch it!
some fancy footwork
till the muscles begin to wear down
burning as they climb higher and higher
stand to the left
������ walk to the right
labored breath
sweat from the pores
another line
������ hiss!
jam traffic
out of the city
just another day
The First Time
remember the first time we met?
quick glances, over-bright smiles
friends surround us
talking and milling around
loud laughter, raised voices
observant of every move
catching eyes, staring down at the floor
inch by inch
we dance our way together
talking our way through people
step aside here, let them pass
step aside there, pushed back to the beginning
till the silence was deafening
and we threw everyone aside
only to stand in front of one another
uncertain glances, shy smiles
soft laughter, quiet voices
then the world moves again and we find
we're still apart
across the room
we take our steps
for our first dance


wintertime
spring and time of newness
too innocent for my pessimistic heart
summer and heat
sticky wet, uncomfortable
fall, closer to my time
cool, cold brisk air
whipping around my body
but winter, time of death
and snow falling on the
dead, lifeless leaves
childlike laughter erupts within me
and the wintertime is my
time to rejoice and celebrate
into madness
mystic demons in my mind
clawing at my fragile flesh
taking over what is left of my sanity
or is my insanity sane?
voices speak out to me
screaming at me with every turn
laughter drowns my cries
leaving me to fight the spirits
the blood oozes out of me
from pus filled sores and boils
and there they stand
with their condemning red eyes
spitting out curses and epitaphs
shrinking me to the size of nothing
and i crawl on my hands and knees
begging for forgiveness
the sinner knows not what she has done
but the rocks they bruise and break
what compassion i had left
and my own screams turn to laughter
language of the lost souls spewing from my lips
till my own eyes glaze over
and madness takes over my mind
graduation
staring at the lost memories
i remember all the laughter we shared
the jokes we told, the pranks we pulled
we always wondered at the wee hours of the night
if it would always be like this
staring at our good times
the parties we went
the people we met and then wonder
what are they all doing now
staring at the sad times
we cried as we told our real feelings
we hugged when we said our goodbyes
we made promises to keep writing and calling
and to never forget we made a date months from now
but i sit and stare at glossy memories
and wonder...
will we all even be together again
This is one of two poems I've had published in an anthology. My husband (then boyfriend at the time) sent it in without my knowledge. This poem was written about him, letting him know my own confusion and fears. Enjoy!
(we stay)
time is a circle
continuous
back in my life
you brought laughter and tears
sadness and fears
did you mean to do all this
what are you doing here
emotions build up inside
how should i feel around you
i can't trust myself anymore
so much you don't know
so much i'm afraid to give up
would you give up a little of yourself
too much at stake to ask for a lot
just friends we stay
To My Grandfather
January 10, 1901 - January 22, 2000

I never really knew you
But you were always there with a smile
Though our visits were few and far between
We somehow always connected
Sharing a link no one had
I secretly thought I was your favorite
But that's my secret between you and me
Our pictures and accomplishments
Still hang on your wall
Your token of how proud you were of us, of me
We really never understood each other
Our worlds as different as night and day
But no matter what, the love was always the same
The last time I saw you
My heart nearly broke in two
I think you recognized me
Then I saw that spark of remembrance
Giving me that same smile you always did
Sleep well, Lolo
I love you
that moment
staring at the blank page
my mind turns over
ideaoverideaoverideaoveridea
figures form then changes made
wordsrunintoeachother
the rain battering against the window
drums slowly in my head
as the
dripdripdripdrip
from the bathroom sink
sends daggers behind my eyes
then i start to write
but the point goes nowhere
and my heart
beatsbeatsbeatsbeats
pounding at my ears
till i clasp my hands over my eyes
and scream
it echoes in the room and suddenly
the spark of life
and the ideas flow
quickly through my trembling hand
feeling creative
the sound takes form
distraction
we just said our goodbyes
not too long ago at the airport
i decided to take a walk
in hopes of forgetting that i was with you
just a short while ago
the park bench was hard and cold
my breath coming out in slow, white wisps
i still felt your arms around me
and your lips against mine
staring out in the distance
my eye catches a white distraction
lifting slightly with the wind
lazily floating from side to side
i concentrate on it
wanting to be free just like that
spirit soaring, just to be with you
dying wind, the paper settles
and time for me to go back alone
This poem is dedicated to my boss who is the "you" in this. It came after a very hard day and an even harder week. If you just felt like you've been punched in the stomach, then you've just experienced what I felt. Enjoy!
plight
climbing and clawing
grasping at straws
pushing to make my way
too fast, so soon
a milestone being made
but you kick me down
to the bottom
afraid of what they say
a protege
an ingenue
you made me who i am
yet i'm treated like i don't belong
when they put me to the test
and you stand aside
laughing and blaming all the while
if you didn't want me here
why did you bother?
i kick
i scream
my voice remains silent
This poem was written during a mystery party. My character wrote this for the man she was starting to see. To Edward...From Brenda :o)
Dedication
The gleam in your eyes
The light of your smile
I can only wonder what your eyes see
The softest touch
The gentlest kiss
And I ask myself,
What does it all mean?
Feelings deep inside
My heart cannot abide
To be alone again
I embrace you with my being
I take you into my soul
Your light takes my darkness away
And I'm free to take flight
To a wondrous world
Of our creation
Our light and heat
Keeping us together
Forbidden
Burning with desire
I yearn to hold you once again
Aching with a need
To feel your body close to mine
Trembling with anticipation
I long to hear your voice
These lover's hands
Caress you gently
As you sleep through the night
Awake, sweet one
So that I may once again
Behold a loved one's eyes
The heat flows through me
Twisting around every fiber of my being
I gasp with delight
I cry out with joy
The angels sing with exaltation
And the heavens are silent once more
This is something I hope to give to my own daughter in the future.
Letter to my daughter that I wish my mother would�ve written to me
Dearest daughter,
Enjoy the simple pleasures in life.
For once you think your life really begins
You�ll wish you could go back to the simple pleasures.
Enjoy the dandelions.
Ask the innocent question:
Do you like butter?
Follow the butterfly in the meadow
Till you realize there�s a whole new world around you.
Don�t let others think you are less than beautiful.
You were created from love
And that is the true beauty of it all.
Don�t listen to rumors
It will only make you second guess yourself.
Be strong and believe in who you are.
Play football with the boys.
Scorn cheerleaders if you like.
Don�t dream to be Miss Universe (unless you want to)
Dream to be the first woman center in major league hockey instead.
Read books, write novels.
Express yourself.
Be who you want to be
And not for who I want you to be.
I love you for you
Not because you get good grades
Not because you were homecoming princess
Or the prom queen.
You are beauty personified and that
I am most proud of.
Marry for love and not for money or status.
Carry your own style.
Start your own trend.
And if they talk about you behind your back
Lift your head higher and smile.
Cause they see who you are and you exist
In wonderful glory and they won�t forget you.
Criticisms may hurt but learn from them.
Steel yourself against the harsh words and world.
Let no one keep you back.
Go away. Study abroad.
Don�t let my fears of you away from home stop you.
I�ve got to learn to grow up too.
You don�t have to be voted
Most likely to succeed
Because in my eyes
You have already exceeded beyond my expectations.
You don�t have to be popular
Who needs the added responsibility
Of being happy all the time?
Right some wrongs
Wrong some rights
Challenge and break all the stereotypes.
Follow your dreams.
Be a jetsetter
Be a dancer
Be a model
Be a lawyer
Be a doctor
Be a homemaker, if you like
Be a wife
Be a mother
But most of all, be your own woman!
It�s that woman I look forward most to meeting
To share my dreams, my aches, my fears, my upsets and my regrets.
But most of all to share the love I will always have
Since the day you came into my life
And your tiny fingers wrapped around my finger
Strengthening the bond we will forever share.
Keep this and know my words come from my heart
Advice to take with you when I am gone
And to pass when the time is right.
Love, forever and always,
Mom

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1