Title: Coming Home
Author: Kate
Fandom: Due South
Series: Nope
Pairing: RayV/ male (yes, it is a male from canon, but I’m not gonna tell you who.  Neener - neener.)
Rating: PG-13?  Yeah, that’ll work…
Feedback: Yes, please… you don’t even have to be kind. Any and all comments welcome at:  [email protected]
Archive: Bindlestitch, Le Jardin de Givre, otherwise - if for some reason you actually want it, ask first, I’ll say yes
Disclaimer: None of them are mine, though I wish they were
Summary: Angst greets Ray Vecchio after his return to Chicago
Spoilers: spoilers for the general facts of the show, sorta
Warnings: Angst…. Slash… duh…
Thanks:  Thanks to Marguerite my one and only master, and creative consultant along with Vali and Placidia.  Thanks to Kim for beta’ing (she went above and beyond for this one), any remaining mistakes are mine, and mine alone. 
Notes:  The song Ray refers to is “You Can Close Your Eyes” by James Taylor and Joni Marshal.  The song in ~~~~~~ is “Your House” by Alanis MorissetteText in // // indicates thoughts.  This story was partially written as an attempt to save Khirsah from her studying:

*Saving Khirsah- dashing in - in tights and a cape, our heroine realizes that sports bras were invented for a reason - she falls to the ground as her center of gravity is yanked sharply to the right by her hasty entrance (and the abrupt stop that followed it) from stage left.  //Damn that hurts.//*



Coming Home
By Kate
[email protected]


Raymond Vecchio is glad to be back in Chicago.

Raymond Vecchio is ready to go back to being a cop, instead of a gangster.

Raymond Vecchio is ready to get his life - and his lover - back.

Raymond Vecchio is beginning to seriously doubt his sanity.

//Man, it is time to stop thinking of yourself in the third person, Ray…. You’re going nuts.//

Well, here it is great, beautiful, smelly Chicago.  This was the place that Ray had been wanting to get back to for years.  So much time, working for law and order, for justice and the American way.  And the whole time, he has just wanted to get back to his lover, just counted the days, until it was over and he could come back to the one he loved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking up to the front of the apartment building, Ray thinks about all the time that had passed since he had last visited his lover’s home.  Two YEARS spent living someone else’s life.  Two years spent being the bad guy, being a mobster - being the one thing he had fought against being all of his life.  And it hadn’t
been fun.

But it was easy, so damn easy to do things the short way, the simple way, the illegal way.  It was all so easy.  Sometimes the only thing keeping him sane was the memory of his lover holding him close at any time of day.  Just clinging on to the memory of being loved by the best Good Guy(TM) who ever lived.  Even if said wonderful man didn’t see himself that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walked down the hall into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here
Without permission
Shouldn't be here
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cool Water.  That’s the scent that greets Ray as he enters his lover’s bedroom.  //I’ve always loved his scent.//  Ray is sure that his lover would deny ever wearing any kind of cologne.  But Ray knows better.

//I wonder - I wonder how many things have changed.  Life was so different two years ago.//

Chicago is still the same dirty, wonderful city it had been when Ray left.  The people are still the same mixture of self-absorbed suits, pitiful homeless, disgusting pushers and hopeful survivors just trying to get by.  The restaurants are still the same.  //Really, I’m the only thing that has changed.  Just me.  Two years of being someone else.  Do I even remember how to be Ray Vecchio?  At least I have him to help me.  We can do anything.//

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, it’s a corny attitude, but that’s the way Ray feels when he’s around his lover. //Lover.  My lover.  Not some other man’s leftover life.  Some other man’s leftover shoes to fill, bed to fill.//  Here is one place - just one place - that Raymond Vecchio knows he will always be welcome.  Even if most people wouldn’t want to come here.  For Ray, it is a haven - a heaven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
Went through your drawers and I found your cologne
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His bags are dropped carelessly just inside the door, a clutter that is out of place here amongst the neatness of a just cleaned apartment.  //He’ll probably yell at me about this one.  But who the hell cares.  It’ll be so good to hear that calm ranting again.//  With an uncontainable grin, Ray walks toward the bed that holds such wonderfully familiar memories.  Ray sighs, pulling off his clothes - regular jeans and a T-shirt for once.  //Won’t he be shocked.  Wearing “real clothes” at last.//

Still smiling, Ray sits on the edge of the bed.  //There’s that scent again.  I always thought it was strange.  How it clings to his sweaters and I want to
BURY myself into them and curl up inside his flesh and just smell that amazing scent forever.//

He searches through the cramped storage space, finding that perfect sweater.  The one that his lover wore on their last day together.  It was all the way on the bottom.  //As if he couldn’t make himself wear it again.//  Ray lifts it to his face.  It still smells like them - both of them.  The Cool Water scent of his lover and his own nearly forgotten scent of hair care products and shoe polish.  Ray remembers a time when he didn’t always smell of gun oil.  Didn’t always need to be ready for danger, for someone creeping up in the night, for a betrayal that ends only in death.  It seems so long ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Went down to the den
Found your CD's
I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long
You might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wandering over to the stereo, a new addition to the room, Ray searches through the CDs stacked next to the speaker.  Freshly dressed again in an eclectic mixture of clothes, clothes Ray had left here and his lover’s clothes, Ray feels more comfortable than he has in years.

//Where is it.  I know it’s here.//  A CD that he gave to his lover, even brought over his portable CD player.  Battery operated so that he was sure they could listen to it.  A song about going away - and about coming home.  And about trust.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been so long since Ray last danced.  They had danced for hours.  Danced everywhere in the apartment.  They’d even danced on the bed.  //Almost broke our necks.  It was worth it.//  Dancing in the afternoon sunlight, dancing in the candlelight.  Dancing in the dark.  Back when everything could be fixed by moving together.  When just moving to the beat and holding a body close could make everything all right again.  It was a way of connecting with his lover and through the connection making everything real.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For now, though, it’s back to the creature comforts of home.  Ray wanders into the bathroom.  A nice hot soak later, he re -approaches the bed.  Ray sits down and idly begins going through the contents of the small bedside table.  Bills, receipts and half-finished reports.  Old journals.  All in some mysterious order known only to their owner.

And there is a letter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It said "Hello love,
I love you so, love,
Meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I better go soon
It wasn't my writing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the letter.  Inside, Ray’s mind and emotions are playing a manic tug-of-war.  Ray reads through the letter again.  And again.

The knowledge that he has been gone a long time and that he has changed while gone, fights with the long-held belief that everything would be just as he left it when he came home.  The desire Ray feels for his lover to be happy, versus the desire for his lover to be waiting for Ray.  The pain and fear and longing of the last two years suddenly rises up again to slap Ray in the face.

The sound of crumpling paper brings Ray back to reality.

Looking up from the worn note, Ray’s gaze is drawn to a mirror on the nearby table.  Sparkling green eyes, a mixture of pain and blankness, stare back at him.  Suddenly something else catches his attention.

His bags, his clothes, his CD still playing.  They would know he had been here.  //I can’t let them know I’ve been here.  I’ve got too much pride…//

The thought sticks in his mind.  It isn’t true.  It isn’t true at all.  Ray has no pride left.  It’s all gone.  He left it all here tied up in this life - this life that didn’t wait for him.  That hadn’t even missed him, apparently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray grabs his clothes and starts shoving the few things he had removed back into his bags.  Razor, toothbrush, put the cap back on his lover’s toothpaste.  Turns off the CD player, puts the CD back in the same spot, refolds the towel in thirds the way his lover likes it.

Goes into the bathroom.  Makes sure the water is all the way off, wipes down the stall with an old shirt, puts the toilet seat back down, just the way his lover left it.  Back by the bed.  Replaces the Cool Water on top of the bedside table, makes sure all the clothes are back where they started in the cramped little storage space.  He can’t bring himself to return the sweater.

Smooths out the sheets on his lover’s bed.

//My bed…//

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray turns, and finds his gaze once again caught by the mirror.  And as he stares into the glassy green eyes, a new emotion becomes evident in them.

Anger.

//How dare he!  And how dare they!  This was MY life, my LIFE and they took it all away and went on without me. And they did this how could they.  How could they?!?//

Finally, something to fight with.  Ray angrily storms across the living area, scoops up his bags.  Rage is a great burning warmth within him.  At least it fights back the ice spreading through his chest.  Damn them all to hell.  Ray can get past this.  //Hell, if he really wants to, he can have someone come break their kneecaps.//

And maybe the easy way isn’t so bad after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So forgive me love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before Ray can reach the door, he hears a rattle.  The doorknob turns.  And the door opens.

They stumble in, flushed from the stairs and weary from long shifts at work.  They are talking to each other idly - thoughts of what to eat for dinner and complaints about paperwork still to be done.

His lover turns to look into the room.  All three men freeze in shock.  //Fraser.  My lover is in Fraser’s arms.//

“Ray?”  His lover looked almost ready to faint.

And suddenly all of Ray’s anger is gone.  Just like that, he’s left defenseless and alone in hostile territory, when he should have the home ground advantage.

Ray finally shakes himself and walks toward the door.  He gets closer and closer to his lover’s arms.  The only place he’d wanted to be for the last two years.  The place he now knows he will never really be again.  He draws even with his lover, his own Stanley Ray.  His Ray of hope.

And then he walks past.

Fraser moves out of the way.  Good, old, reliable Benny, always at his most polite.

“Ray!”

“I’m sorry, Stanley.  I didn’t know.  I’m sorry.”  Ray doesn’t turn around, he just keeps walking.

“Please, Ray!  Ray?”  It’s barely a whisper.

//I didn’t know Stanley could sound like that.  I’ve been gone too long.  I’ve missed so much.  It might have been easier if we had never gotten together.//  In a single moment, Ray remembers all of the things he and the blond detective with the experimental hair had done.

Drinking M&M infused coffee on a Saturday morning.  Lying in the park on a Sunday afternoon.  Holding the younger man close the night before Ray left.

Ray turns around.  Chaotic green eyes lock with the dazzling, shocked blue of his lover’s.

“It was worth it.”

Ray starts walking again, stops when he hears Fraser’s absolutely heartfelt voice.

“Ray!”

A silence as Ray waits.

Or maybe Fraser is the one waiting.  It doesn’t matter, really.

“Welcome home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I cry all afternoon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE END