/me says here is a penny for your thoughts, then she asks ..where is my change change?
0,4  If things get any worse i am gonna hafta ask you to stop helpin me. 
0,4  Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking? 
0,2 Logic: 0,4  The art of being wrong with confidence... 
0,4 If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 or beta
0,4 Do you know how to look younger?  Hang around old people.
0,2 Do you know how to look younger?  0,4 Hang around old people 
0,4 Why do our noses run and our feet smell? 
0,4 I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode
0,4 Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
0,4 I don't have a solution 0,2but I admire the problem
0,4 Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out
0,4 If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
0,2 Diplomacy is the art of saying 0,4 'Nice doggie!'...0,13till you can find a rock.
0,4 If you shouldn't drink and drive-why do you need a drivers license to buy alcohol.
0,4 Did you know that the word engagement has gag in the middle.
0,4 I lent money to a friend of mine to have plastic surgery. Now, I don't know what he looks like to collect.
0,4 Tic Tac Toe or as people from Ohio say circles and signatures.
0,4 I'm so obnoxious that I piss myself off.
0,4 I bought one of those camouflage shirts and put it in my closet.  Now I can't find it.
0,4 My hubby wanted me to get more culture - so I went out and bought some Yogurt.
You know your having a bad day - when you wake up face down on the pavement.
You know your having a bad day - when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You know your having a bad day - when you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You know your having a bad day - when you see a "Hard Copy" camera crew waiting at your office.
You know your having a bad day - when your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You know your having a bad day - when you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
You know your having a bad day - when you turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
You know your having a bad day - when your twin sister forgets your birthday.