/me says here is a penny for your thoughts, then she asks ..where is my change change?
0,4  If things get any worse i am gonna hafta ask you to stop helpin me. 
0,4  Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking? 
0,2 Logic: 0,4  The art of being wrong with confidence... 
0,4 If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 or beta
0,4 Do you know how to look younger?  Hang around old people.
0,2 Do you know how to look younger?  0,4 Hang around old people 
0,4 Why do our noses run and our feet smell? 
0,4 I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode
0,4 Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
0,4 I don't have a solution 0,2but I admire the problem
0,4 Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out
0,4 If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
0,2 Diplomacy is the art of saying 0,4 'Nice doggie!'...0,13till you can find a rock.
0,4 If you shouldn't drink and drive-why do you need a drivers license to buy alcohol.
0,4 Did you know that the word engagement has gag in the middle.
0,4 I lent money to a friend of mine to have plastic surgery. Now, I don't know what he looks like to collect.
0,4 Tic Tac Toe or as people from Ohio say circles and signatures.
0,4 I'm so obnoxious that I piss myself off.
0,4 I bought one of those camouflage shirts and put it in my closet.  Now I can't find it.
0,4 My hubby wanted me to get more culture - so I went out and bought some Yogurt.
You know your having a bad day - when you wake up face down on the pavement.
You know your having a bad day - when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You know your having a bad day - when you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You know your having a bad day - when you see a "Hard Copy" camera crew waiting at your office.
You know your having a bad day - when your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You know your having a bad day - when you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
You know your having a bad day - when you turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
You know your having a bad day - when your twin sister forgets your birthday.