11,1If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
11,1Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
11,1If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
11,1If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
11,1If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
11,1Why is the word abbreviation so long?
11,1If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
11,1What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
11,1Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
11,1Is it possible to be totally partial?
11,1If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
11,1Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections?
11,1Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
11,1When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
11,1If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
11,1What was the best thing before sliced bread?
11,1How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins?
11,1How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot...and something cold,cold?
11,1What is the speed of dark?
11,1Why are there braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
11,1If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings why don't they wear a pair of bras?
11,1How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
11,1Why isn't phonetic spelt the way it sounds?
11,1If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
11,1Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
8,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 0,1Have you looked through her briefs?
11,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 0,1He is one hard judge!
11,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 0,1Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law:9,1 His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 9,1Is it a penal offense?
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 9,1Better leave the handcuffs on.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 9,1For $200 an hour, she better be good!
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 9,1Can you get him to drop his suit?
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 9,1The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in law: 9,1Think you can get me off?
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1I need to whip it out by 5.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1Mind if I use your laptop?
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1Just stick it in my box.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid!
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1It's an entry-level position.
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1When do you think you'll be getting off today?
0,1Sounds dirty, but isn't in an office: 9,1It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
8,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act
8,1You're addicted to the net when: -9,1 You kiss you girlfriend's home page.
8,1You're addicted to the net when: -9,1 Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
8,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.
8,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
8,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
8,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
8,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap....and your kid in the overhead compartment.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3...
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1your night dreams are in HTML.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You turn your modem off and get this awful epmty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Your heart races faster and beats irredgularly each time you see a new WWW site address printed on the TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You step out of the room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You turn on the intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if e-mail arrives.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You wife drapes a blond wig over the monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1All of your friends have an @ in their names.
11,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted purple.
13,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Your dog has its own webpage.
13,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You've visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
13,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.
13,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
13,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated by a 17" svga monitor.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You check your mail. It says "no new Messages." So you check it again.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You refer to you age as 3.x.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Your phonebill comes to the door in a box.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC Channel.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You code your homework in HTML and give your intsructor the URL.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You don't know what sex is over three of your closeset friends are, because they have nuetral nick names and you never bothered to ask.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Your husband tells you he's had the beard for two months
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games form Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You tell the cab driver you live at Http://123.elm.street/hose/bluetrim/html
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1Your virtual girlfriend finds a new sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 9,1You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You buy a Captain Kirk Chair with a built in keyboard and mouse.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer can not come to bed"
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You are so familiar with the WWW that you find search engines useless.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You never have to deal with the busy signal when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while youre pretending to catch your breath.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You ask a plumber how much it would cost you to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You forget what year it is.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You ask a doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind ... the perfect soundtrack to "surfing the net"
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited"
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
0,1You're addicted to the net when: - 13,1As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
13,1Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
13,1He who laughs last thinks s-l-o-w-e-s-t!
13,1Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
4,1Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
6,9Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
0,4I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
0,4Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
0,4Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
0,4We have enough youth--how about a fountain of SMART?
0,12All generalizations are false, including this one.
0,12We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
0,12Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
0,12Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
0,6Adolescence: 0,12The period when a teenager feels he will never be as dumb as his parents.
1,8Americans: 0,12People with more timesaving devices yet less time than anybody else in the world.
0,6Banker: 0,12A pawnbroker with a manicure.
1,8Budget: 0,12A systematic way of going in to debt.
0,4Coach: 0,12One who is always willing to lay down your life for his job.
1,9Dentist: 0,12A magician who puts metal in your mouth and pulls coins from your pocket.
0,4Dermatologist: 0,12One who makes rash judgments.
0,6Diplomacy: 0,12The art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
0,5Disarmament: 0,12An agreement between nations to scuttle all weapons that are obsolete.
0,6Efficiency Expert: 0,12The person smart enough to tell you how to run a business but too smart to start his own.
0,6Definition Experience: 0,12The name we give our mistakes.
0,6Definition Honeymoon: 0,12A vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss.
0,6Definition Hunch: 0,12An idea you're afraid is wrong.
0,6Definition Lame Duck: 0,12A politician whose goose is cooked.
0,6Definition Life Insurance: 0,12A policy that keeps you poor so you can die rich.
0,6Definition Planning: 0,12The art of putting off until tomorrow what you have no intention of doing today.
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1Nuts...my shaft is bent
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1After 18 holes I can barely walk
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1You really whacked the heck out of that sucker
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1Look at the size of his putter
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1Mind if I join your threesome?
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1Stand with your back turned and drop it
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired
0,6It sounds dirty, but in golf, it isn't: 0,1Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
1,9I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. 
1,9Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. 
1,9Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. 
1,9Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. 
1,9There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. 
1,9I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. 
1,9Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
1,9A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. 
1,9Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out. 
1,11If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! 
1,11Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
1,11Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way. 
1,11If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? 
1,11If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. 
1,11If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. 
1,11Don't look back, they might be gaining on you. 
1,11It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. 
0,12Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. 
0,12Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. 
0,12Budget: A method for going broke methodically. 
0,12Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it. 
4*???* 0,12Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. 
0,12Dain bramaged.
0,12Department of Redundancy Department 
0,12Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat! 
0,12What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. 
0,12Access denied--nah nah na nah na
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. 
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is upposed to be doing.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Following the rules will not get the job done.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
0,1ONE OF DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK: 1,8The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
0,1Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
0,1Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
0,1A day without sunshine is like, night.
0,1Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
0,1On the other hand, you have different fingers.
0,1Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
0,1Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
0,1I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
0,1When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
0,1Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
0,1Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
0,1I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
0,1He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
0,1She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
0,1You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted,then used against you.
0,1I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
0,1Honk if you love peace and quiet.
0,1Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
0,1Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
