4,1Why do men prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.
1,7Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
7,1A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
1,8How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
8,1 What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin
1,9 Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
9,1 Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
11,1 How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
1,11 How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
12,1 How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
1,12 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
13,1 Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
1,13 What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train
4,1 Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
1,4 Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
7,1 What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted
1,7 What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish
6,1 What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
1,6 Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
7,1 Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
1,7 What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
8,1 What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist
1,8 Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.
9,1 If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
1,9 Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
11,1 Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because they already have boyfriends.
1,11 Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
12,1 Why do men like masturbation? Its sex with someone they love.
1,12 How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
13,1 What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.
1,13 How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
4,1 What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.
1,4 How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

1,6 Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
7,1 Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
1,7 Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
6,1 What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women."
1,6 How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? A.One - men will screw anything. B.One - men will screw up anything. C.Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.
7,1 How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
1,7 What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
8,1 How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing.
1,8 What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
9,1 How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
1,9 What do men and beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
11,1 How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
1,11 How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? It's never happened
12,1 How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
1,12 What is a man's idea of doing housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
13,1 What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
1,13 What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
4,1 Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
1,4 Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the shit out of you.
6,1 Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains
1,6 How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes
7,1 How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini
1,7 Why do men like blonde jokes so much? Because they can understand them
8,1 What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business.
1,8 Why is a man different from a PC? You only have to tell the PC once
9,1 What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him
1,9 Why do bachelors like smart women? Opposites Attract.
11,1 Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
1,11 What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man
12,1 Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
1,12 What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy
13,1 What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
1,13 Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say.
4,1 Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
1,4 Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
6,1 Why are women so bad at mathematics? Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.
1,6 What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
7,1 What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex
1,7 What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? When the power goes off.
8,1 What do men and women have in common? They both distrust men.
1,8 How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
9,1 What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
1,9 How is a man like the weather? Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
11,1 What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
1,11 Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
12,1 What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.
1,12 What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is? An insurance company.
13,1 Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.
1,13 What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman? A snowwoman is easier to make, because with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.
4,1 What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing? Castrated.
1,4 How do you know if a man is lying? His lips are moving!
6,1 Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell!
1,6 How are men like chocolates? A.They never last long enough B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
7,1 What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk!
1,7 What do you get when you cross a man with a pig? Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.
8,1 What's a sure sign a man is planning to be unfaithful? If he has a penis.
1,8 What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her, Pity her.
9,1 What is a "successful hunting trip" ? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
1,9 What does a man call true love? An erection.
11,1 Why is a man like a moped? They're both fun to ride until your friends see you with one.
1,11 Men are proof of reincarnation. You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.
12,1 Why is urine yellow and sperm white? So men can tell if they are coming or going.
1,12 What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
13,1 What do ceramic tiles and men have in common? If you lay them right in the beginning, you can walk over them for life.
1,13 Did you hear about the woman who finally figured men out? She died laughing before she could tell anybody.
4,1 How do you keep a man from wanting sex? You marry him.
1,4 Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
6,1 How many men does it take to dirty up 12 pots while cooking a meal? One
1,6 What do you call a woman without an asshole? Divorced
7,1 Why do men snore? When they fall asleep, their balls cover their assholes and they vapor lock.
1,7 Did you hear that they are going to stop circumcising men? They discovered they were throwing away the best part.
8,1 How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them
1,8 Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.
9,1 Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
1,9 If they can put one man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
11,1 Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander ? It's too little to be let out alone.
1,11 The only reason men are on the planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
12,1 Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
1,12 How do you make your husband wake up with a smile on his face monday morning? Tell him a joke friday night.
13,1 What is the most intelligent thing a man can say? ....yes dear.
1,13 What do you call a zit on a mans genitals? A brain tumour.
4,1 What do men enjoy even more than lots of sex? Having their buddies believe them when they talk about it.
1,4 What do you get when you cross a rooster and a male insomniac? A cock that stays up all night.
1,4 If a man talks in the forest and there is no woman to hear, is he still wrong?
7,1 How do you know God isn't a woman? If God were a woman, cum would taste like chocolate.
1,7 What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?? Men will spend hours looking for a golf ball
8,1 In England, a dumb man who doesn't do anything is called a Gentleman. Here we call him a boyfriend.
1,8 How is a marriage like a hot bath? Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
9,1 Can you imagine a world without men ? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
1,9 Why do men have spine? If they didnt, theyd suck their dicks all day long.
11,1 How are men like elevators? f you find one working, you can be sure it stinks and probably won't go down.
1,11 Have you heard about the new Divorced Barbie? She comes with all of Ken's stuff.
12,1 "I think not - therefore I must be male!"
1,12 Why did the man cross the road? Who knows why the hell men do anything?
1,12 Men are like animals messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.
13,1 Husbands are like children they're fine if they're someone else's
1,13 Remember; you are known by the idiot you accompany
4,1 Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
1,4 Women are indeed silly, we sleep with men, who if they were women, we wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
6,1 Sadly, all men are created equal.
1,6 Men are great! Every woman should own one!!!
7,1 What do you get with three men in a volkswagon? Farfromthinking
1,7 What does PMS really stand for? Promoting Male Slavery.
8,1 Drink till he's CUTE!
1,8 A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it...
9,1 A man can actually cater to a woman's every need, so long as all that she wants is to have sex, watch sports, and bring him a beer.
