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0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you, because, hey, free dummy.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because-where does he think he's going?!
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just be called "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 To me boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the other dancers hit each other.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or eventhe elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Blow ye winds,                     Like the trumpet blows;                                But without that noise.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have meen painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Marta says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand.  Come on, Marta. Grow up.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 The old pool shooter had won many a game in his life.  But now it was time to hang up the cue.  When he did, all the other cues came crashing to the floor.   "Sorry," he said with a smile.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most?  I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you?  You'd be wrong though.  It's Hambone.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke."  But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 I wish a robot would be elected President.  That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If your a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls of, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatcally disqualify you.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasureable--until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 To me clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary,  I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best.  We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us.  Later on we found out he was a bear.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 The sound of fresh rain run-off splashing from the roof reminded me of the sound of urine spashing into a filthy Texaco latrine.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then, after you camped at night, you could eat him.                How about it Science?
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.  Than it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
0,1 Deep Thoughts: 1,15 You know what would make a good story?  Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.  Also, he has severe diarrhea.