Summary: An alternative ending to Refusing Naomi.

WARNING: If your world revolves around B'Elanna Torres, this is not the story for you.

Rating: R for lesbian sexual situations, language, and major sadness. If you require Prozac to function, you may want to skip this story.

 

Reclaiming Naomi

By Ensign Mika

 

Back on Ordan, a purple gelatinous alien in a dank, dark basement-like enclosure sat discussing the future with Samantha Wildman’s non-corporeal consciousness, which had elected to remain with the lonely alien. The ‘entity’ could permit her to harbor the illusion of substance, although she was nothing more than particles of energy now. Samantha knew what it was to be lonely, and her heart had gone out to the well-intentioned life form. She nicknamed him Ben, since he seemed to be such a benevolent life form. Ben was so grateful for her presence in his life, such as it was, that he offered to show her the future. He assured her his abilities were capable of showing it accurately. And they could spend the remainder of eternity viewing it, if Samantha wanted to……

________________________

Ten months after Samantha’s death, Kathryn gave birth to a six pound, blond haired, blue-eyed little girl, who became the delight of Naomi’s life. The child’s name was Gretchen Samantha Hansen-Janeway. Seven and Kathryn were thrilled, though tired most of the time over the next two years. Naomi provided a helping hand with the baby, as did Neelix, B’Elanna, and Kieran. Naomi spent some of her free time babysitting Gretchen, and Kieran and B’Elanna’s daughter, Kathryn, or Katie, as they called her. Neelix opened a daycare center. Naomi volunteered time there, when her duties allowed. Seven of Nine often volunteered with her, so they could spend time together, but also to enjoy the babies.

B’Elanna concentrated on grooming Naomi for a posting in Engineering, since like herself and Seven, Naomi’s talents lay in that arena. By her 9^th birthday, Naomi was already assisting with repairs and modifications to the secondary engineering systems. B’Elanna supervised her personally as much as possible, and her academic studies were filled by quantum mechanics, bioelectrical circuitry, fluid mechanics, physics, propulsion theory, electromagnetic theory, temporal studies, and more advanced mathematics. Naomi became an Ensign at 13, working under B’Elanna Torres in engineering.

At 20, Naomi was promoted to Lieutenant, and effectively became B’Elanna’s first officer. She was a studious, serious young woman, whose devotion to duty was remarkable. Her work on energy reclamation allowed the crew to begin to reproduce at a natural rate, instead of having to curtail propagation for the remainder of the trip to the Alpha Quadrant. The crew was indebted to her for that, and there was a massive baby boom on Voyager. Shortly after her 21^st birthday, Naomi was offered command of Engineering on the Beta shift.

When Naomi was 23, she met a diplomat on an alien world that charmed her. Not enough to tear her from her Voyager family, but enough to relieve her of her virginity. It was not the sort of romance she felt could carry her through a lifetime, but it was an experience she was glad to have had. At 25, she was promoted to Lt. Commander.

She had a brief romance with Harry Kim, but when he wanted to talk about marriage, she broke it off with him. Shortly thereafter, Naomi became aware that a young crewmember had an eye out for the attractive lieutenant, and the smitten teen set out to win Naomi’s heart. Susanna Perry knew her age was a deterrent, but the second she turned 18 she asked the 27 year old Naomi out. And for the first time in her adult life, Naomi knew romantic love. Susanna and Naomi lived together for three years before Susanna left her to find someone who wasn’t afraid of marriage. Naomi was sorry, but the ultimatums did nothing to make her feel more inclined to marry Susanna.

 

The word spread almost as fast as the plasma fire that tore through engineering: most of the engineers on Alpha shift were dead, including the Chief of Engineering, B’Elanna Thompson-Torres. Lt. Commander Naomi Wildman was summoned to the Captain’s Ready Room, where Captain Kathryn Janeway would deliver the inauspicious news, and would do her best to console her daughter. B’Elanna had been Naomi’s friend, part of her extended family, as well as her mentor and her boss.

Naomi walked the corridor briskly, trying to ignore the rumors, whispers and frightened faces around her, not believing it could be true. She would have to hear it from Kathryn before she would even allow for such a tragedy. She strode across the bridge, refusing to make eye contact with anyone present, but the shock and sorrow in the room was palpable. She hesitantly rang the door chime to Kathryn’s ready room.

Inside, Captain Kathryn Janeway gathered her courage. How she hated this aspect of command; always the one to point out that they had to go on, always the one to try to be strong and supportive, when she was hurting just as badly as the people she needed to console. B’Elanna was Kathryn’s friend, and a member of Kathryn’s extended family. B’Elanna had served under her faithfully, admirably, inexpendably, and creatively for 32 years. She had saved the ship innumerable times, had trained Kathryn’s daughter to be an engineer, and had even married Kathryn’s best friend. When B’Elanna became pregnant, she insisted that the baby carry Kathryn’s name. Janeway felt like a major portion of the foundation of her sanity had been destroyed. Yet, she would be the one to hold Naomi, to comfort her for her loss. And she would be the one to deliver the promotion to Chief Engineer to Naomi, knowing Naomi never wanted the job, let alone under these circumstances.

"Come," she called out, steeling herself against the pain she knew she would see in her beloved daughter’s eyes.

Naomi stood before Kathryn’s desk, hands clasped behind her back in a posture that was identical to the posture Seven of Nine always adopted before her commanding officer. "You wished to see me Captain?"

Kathryn sighed. "Naomi, honey, I have bad news, personally and professionally," she began.

"Then the rumors are true," Naomi’s face constricted in grief. "Please tell me B'Elanna is okay, K-Mom."

Kathryn shook her head, rose to her feet, and held out her arms. Naomi burst into tears, heaving great wracking sobs.

"There was a warp core accident, which was contained, but the surge blew out several plasma conduits, and there was a flash fire. Alpha shift had only two survivors," she explained. "B'Elanna wasn’t one of them. I’m sorry, sweetie."

Naomi trembled as the reality set in. After she had cried herself out, she let Janeway lead her to the sofa, where they continued to hug. Janeway didn’t have the luxury of emotion right now, and knew that later, in the safety of Seven’s embrace, she would fall apart completely.

"Are you okay, Mom?" Naomi looked at her Captain with concern. "I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now."

Janeway smiled faintly. "I have to be okay. That’s what Captains do—we deliver the bad news and pretend we are fine, and let everyone around us be human, while we die a little inside. Not enough that anyone can see through the walls, but enough that we feel it. If we ever get back to the Alpha Quadrant, I’ll be surprised if I’m not mostly dead inside." She tried to keep her facial expression calm, but her own agony was just below the surface.

Naomi touched her cheek. "I love you, Mom. You don’t have to pretend with me."

That was all it took. Janeway fell apart at the seams, and Naomi held her fragmented mother in a warm embrace, carefully keeping track of the pieces and where they fell.

When Janeway had regained some semblance of control, she kissed Naomi’s cheek. "Thank you. I needed that. I hate to point out the obvious, but you’re my new Chief of Engineering."

Naomi shrugged. "Are you sure? There are a lot of people with seniority over me. Carey is probably expecting the promotion."

"Carey is dead. In fact, anyone with even half your qualifications is gone. You are my first choice. You may handle the personnel aspects at your own discretion, with my full authority.

You have one hell of mess to clean up, Chief."

"I will accept the position on one condition."

Janeway’s right eyebrow shot up in surprise. "Condition?" she echoed.

"I want to keep the promotion low key. No parties, no congratulatory dinners, no official announcement. Just you and I addressing the Engineering staff."

"Okay. I would agree that the party or dinner should wait. But no official announcement? May I ask why?"

"Mom, you know why. This is not a time to celebrate, and I don’t want to give the impression that I’m happy about this promotion. I’d let you bust me back down to Bridge Assistant, if it would bring B'Elanna back." She wiped a stray tear from her cheek, still struggling to get herself under control. "Have you spoken with Kieran?"

Janeway nodded forlornly. "She is under 24 hour watch in her quarters. Tuvok is personally seeing to her. She is heavily sedated for now, and when I spoke with her, she was just…beyond anything I can describe. I know she wants to jump on the barge with B'Elanna and set sail for Stovokor," Janeway related. "We have to be there for her, Naomi. You, Seven, Gretchen, me—she needs us right now, more than ever. Katie is going to need us, as well."

"I’m going to be busy, but the primary tasks for now are menial cleanup and repairs, so I can delegate that. By the time that’s taken care of, Kieran and Katie should be over the initial shock. I’ll do my best, Mom, you know I will. And I’ll get this ship back in one piece, if I have to forego sleep for a month. I think I’d better get to Engineering, have a look at the mayhem, and make sure the right people are on it."

"Let me come too. Might as well tell your people you’re in charge from now on. C’mon."

______________________

So at 31, Naomi Wildman took over as Chief Engineer of the Intrepid Class Starship Voyager, because B’Elanna Torres was killed in a plasma fire that resulted from a warp core accident. Naomi was left with the task of rebuilding Engineering, from the incinerated and damaged components that were powering the ship, to the emotionally damaged crew that now was her staff. She worked double and triple shifts to effect repairs to her beloved plasma conduits and relays. She tried to ignore the fact that the area where she worked was the physical location where B’Elanna Torres’ life was stolen from her, and from her spouse of 23 years, and from all those who loved the feisty Klingon-Human hybrid. At times, she could almost hear the anguished screams of pain as the inferno vaporized and maimed, leaving a wake of devastated families behind it.

Naomi’s greatest concern besides rebuilding the department that B’Elanna had cherished like a lover was seeing that the Ship’s Counselor, Kieran Thompson-Torres, did not collapse from the weight of her grief over B’Elanna. Since Naomi was very little, Kieran and B’Elanna had been together, and other than her own surrogate mothers, Kathryn and Seven of Nine, she could not imagine a more loving couple. Naomi had been closer to Kieran growing up, but when B’Elanna took responsibility for mentoring Naomi’s career, the two developed a deep, mutual respect, and eventually, a friendship. Naomi owed it to B’Elanna to keep an eye on Kieran. After all, as little as Kieran cared what happened to her now, she still had Katie to think of. Katie was inconsolable over the death of her mother, and needed Kieran more now than ever.

The entire crew appeared to be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the tragedy still fresh in their minds, and the funeral did nothing to lend comfort. In all the years Voyager had been lost in the Delta Quadrant, it had never sustained so many casualties at once. The strain was evident in everyone, and the atmosphere on the ship was volatile, indeed. Nerves were worked to raw and grief permeated the very air like a thick fog all over the ship. The fire had claimed two mothers, two fathers, an engaged young woman, and two cadets. It had claimed three species of crewmember. It had taken three great athletes, one the bat’leth champion of Voyager and a former decathalete of Starfleet Academy. The fire had left the Engineering room in shambles, and one green Chief of Engineering to try to fill the daunting shoes of B’Elanna Torres. It had claimed Kieran Thompson’s reason for getting out of bed every morning.

In between working to exhaustion on double and triple shifts, Naomi was dealing with her own grief, trying to console her mothers over losing B’Elanna, and helping Kieran stay sane after losing the love of her life .

________________

Samantha saw Naomi’s life after B'Elanna’s death in great detail, but it went by in mere seconds. She watched her daughter trying to be strong for everyone—for Kieran, the Captain, Seven, and the Engineering Department.

Naomi spent long hours with Kieran, watching over her and making certain she did not harm herself. She made sure the older woman ate, kept her involved in ship’s business, and simply refused to let her withdraw into her personal hell. If nothing else, Naomi provided a much needed distraction for the ship’s Counselor, whose devastation was still too fresh to confront in more than short intervals.

Katie had taken solace in Gretchen, as the two had grown up together, having been born two weeks apart. The girls were about to have their 19^th birthdays, and were both crewmen on Voyager. They shared quarters in the lower decks of the ship, and kept to themselves after the funeral. Katie was beyond unreachable to anyone but Gretchen, and Kieran could hardly keep from becoming hysterical whenever she saw Katie, who was the spitting image of B'Elanna Thompson-Torres. Katie avoided her mother, knowing that her visage made Kieran relive the loss over and over again. Kieran avoided her daughter, in an effort to respect her apparent desire to be left alone. Gretchen provided repeated bulletins about Katie for the interested family of both girls.

Naomi made a practice of stopping by Kieran’s quarters around dinnertime, because it was the only way to be certain Kieran was eating at all. Naomi could always get the thinning, lanky woman to acquiesce, and take in a little nutritional sustenance if Naomi would cook for both of them. It was also the only way Naomi could guarantee she’d have any time for her dear friend, because Engineering was keeping her so busy. She trusted that Kathryn and Seven would comfort each other, but she did leave them a message every day to check in on them, and organized a weekly Saturday dinner in the Captain’s quarters for her Mothers and Kieran. They had been in the Delta Quadrant so long, they were no longer as frantic to reach home, and no one was grousing about how long the warp drive repairs were taking. Naomi was able to have an inkling of a life outside of her duties, and she had begun to wonder why, after 31 years in space, they didn’t just find a nice little class M planet and settle down. After all that time, who would remember them, anyway? Hell, for that matter, how many of their friends and family would still be alive?

Naomi was busy in the kitchen, and as usual, Kieran had no interest in what she was doing, or why she was inexplicably there again, for that matter.

"Kieran?"

The brown eyed Counselor started as if she’d been hit with a phaser. "What?" she replied more harshly than she intended.

"Where do you keep the garlic?"

"3^rd drawer on the left," she replied without enthusiasm. "Why are you here?" she asked absently.

"Because you have to eat, I have to eat, and if I don’t stop by, we both forget."

"Hmmph. Did Kathryn put you up to this?"

"Up to what?" Naomi smiled pleasantly.

"This conspiracy to keep me alive. I don’t care if I starve to death," she spat.

Naomi stopped dicing the cloves of garlic, washed her hands, dried them on her apron, and joined Kieran on the couch. She took the older woman’s hand. "This has to stop, Kieran. You’re scaring K-Mom to death, and Borg-Mom is at her wits’ end trying to reassure K-Mom. I know you miss B'Elanna, Kieran. We all do. But you know she’d be pissed at you for giving up like this. And she’d kill you if she knew you and Katie don’t even talk."

Kieran sighed. "Yeah, I know. I just can’t seem to make myself give a shit."

"Well, my two cents is that you need to get off this leave of absence and get back to work. Not that Michael isn’t filling in for you admirably, because he is, but you have to get busy, and stop sitting around moping."

"I—I don’t think I can, Naomi. Everywhere I go, I remember being with her there. Everyone I see, I remember a conversation she and I had with that person, or I remember them being at our anniversary parties, or our wedding, or at Katie’s birthday parties, or her graduation. B'Elanna was so much of this ship’s daily functioning, she is imprinted on the very bulkheads, and everywhere I go, I just want to scream. She’s never coming home again. I will never see her smile, or hear her growl, or hold her in my arms again. I will never again be complete. My blood bonded partner is dead. My wife is a memory, nothing more. I know you can’t understand what that’s like—nobody can. You’ve never loved a Klingon, never shared the bed of a warrior. She was my life. And now it’s over."

"I think I can understand—" Naomi began, but Kieran cut her off.

"No, you can’t! You’ve never even been seriously involved for more than a couple of years! You have no idea what it is to fall in love and bear children and work through hard times, and still come out loving each other! You don’t know what it is like to make love with the same person for over twenty years, to trust them implicitly, to give yourself into their keeping with utter faith, and to hold them in your heart and hand, just as much as they hold you!"

Kieran jumped up and ran to her bedroom, throwing herself on the bed and sobbing. The room still smelled of B'Elanna, even after several weeks of her being absent, and the scent assaulted Kieran’s senses everytime she came into the room. The room they had shared for over twenty years. The room where she learned what passion really was, what it meant to be conquered and worshipped and driven to the edge of bliss. The room where she had taken the Klingon Oath with her lifemate. The room where Katie had slept with them, or more accurately, not slept with them when she got colic at two months. The room where she now slept alone, where she cried herself to sleep every night, the room where she contemplated depressurizing a cargo bay with herself inside, so she could end this intolerable existence.

Gentle hands rubbed her back, working the knots from her shoulders, trying to ease the suffering in whatever way she could. Naomi was hurt by Kieran’s words, but she would not let it stop her from taking care of her friend. She tried to tell herself Kieran wasn’t really angry with her, but with the situation, and that staying, even if it meant tolerating a bit of abuse, was the only choice. She was rewarded by Kieran’s relaxed breathing, and eventually, light snoring. She curled up behind the taller woman, spooning her while she slept, and covered them both with a comforter.

She drifted off to sleep herself, exhausted from too many hours crawling around in Jeffries’ tubes, not enough rest, and constant emotional strain. It hurt her to see this ordinarily humorous, strong, beautiful woman so destroyed. Kieran had never let anything keep her down before. She had survived a miscarriage, the suicide of one of her patients, the snubbing of her ‘lower deck’ friends when she crept up the command ladder and when she became the Captain’s best friend, and the prejudice of those who felt Klingons and humans shouldn’t mate. She had seen everyone on board through countless crises, deaths, marriages, breakups, and still she had kept that sparkle in her eye and that flawless optimism. And now, she was used up, like a burnt out power coupling. And all Naomi could do was keep her from killing herself in Naomi’s physical presence.

__________________

Kieran returned to work after three months. She needed to go back much sooner, but she refused. Janeway didn’t have the heart to order her back to duty. She knew in her soul that if it had been Seven who died in that fire, she’d have been the one in the cargo bay, punching in the depressurization code. She did what she could to get her best friend through the initial depression, but she had a ship to run, and couldn’t be ship’s Counselor at the same time. Naomi kept Janeway apprised of the situation, of Kieran’s state of mind. She spent more and more nights sleeping at Kieran’s, because otherwise, Kieran only slept after she had drained herself from crying.

If Katie hadn’t picked that particular time to have a torrid affair with Tom Paris, Kieran might have shriveled up and died. But seeing her innocent daughter with a man old enough to be her grandfather made Kieran crazy. Kieran knew, somehow, that Tom Paris had always loved B'Elanna Torres, that he had coveted B'Elanna throughout the 23 years Kieran and B'Elanna were married. And now he was circling her daughter like a predator, ogling her and planning to deflower her, and it was all because Katie looked like B'Elanna and because Tom enjoyed knowing that Kieran would be foaming at the mouth over it. If Tom genuinely cared for Katie, Kieran would be a little more forgiving. But it was apparent that he was intrigued at the prospect of having a young, inexperienced lover, especially since she looked and felt just like B'Elanna. It was all Kathryn, Naomi, and Seven could do to keep Kieran from stalking Tom with a Bat’leth and decapitating him.

If Kieran hadn’t been so angry, she never would have stuck her nose in Katie’s business. But stick it, she did, and the soap opera of the century began. And finally, when the smoke and debris had cleared, Kieran and Katie were able to talk again, without Kieran staring forlornly at her daughter’s beautiful face, without Kieran bursting into tears, and without Kieran going sleepless for weeks afterward. In fact, they talked about things that they’d never discussed before, private things Katie would never have shared if not for B'Elanna’s death.

Kieran had been so angry that Tom Paris wanted to usurp her daughter’s virginity, it never even occurred to her that Katie wasn’t a virgin. She was quickly disabused of that notion. Katie snorted rudely at the mere suggestion, and promptly told her mother she had slept with Jason Nicoletti, Chakotay’s son, when he was only 13, and she was 15. They continued to carry on a sexual relationship with him until she was 17. Kieran had had no idea. She wondered if B'Elanna had known. She doubted it, because B'Elanna would have beamed him into dead space.

_________________

Naomi stopped sleeping over at Kieran’s after four months. At the end of eight months, she started taking nights off from their dinner routine, although Kieran still hardly ate without prompting. Things gradually returned to normal, or as normal as they could be given the circumstances. Kieran continued to look like a ghost, and her soft brown eyes no longer sparkled with mischief or humor. She was going through the motions, because she was a Starfleet officer, and that’s what officers do. They carry on, do their duty, hide their desperation and despair. And at night, they cry, scream, break things, and pray for death.

Kieran persevered at going through the motions so long, that she forgot there was anything else. Kathryn and Seven continued to try to draw her out of her self-imposed shell, but other than an occasional velocity match, dinner once or twice a week, and playing softball, Kieran kept to herself. Kathryn had given up on confrontational tactics, resigned to loving her friend despite being unable to help her. Seven decided to try a different approach. She set up regular office visits with Kieran, purportedly to discuss her own concerns, when in fact, she always steered the conversation to Kieran, how she was coping, how Katie was doing, and the like.

Gradually, things got easier. Kieran began to get a grip on her tattered emotions. Her sense of humor was resuscitated in tiny bursts over a long period of time. And her friendships with Kathryn, Seven, and Naomi were the anchor that kept her from being permanently adrift.

____________________

The Captain’s annual Halloween Ball was the event that kicked off the Holiday season aboard Voyager. Naomi was helping Kieran decide on a costume for the ball, pouring over the replicator data base.

"What are you going as, Na?" Kieran asked as she paged through the data base.

"I haven’t decided yet. Harry asked me to go with him. He wants to dress up as Vidians. I think that’s totally disgusting."

Kieran smirked. "Which part—going with Harry, or dressing up like Vidians?"

Naomi swatted her playfully. "You just can’t let it go can you? Jesus, Kieran, I slept with the guy for a few months, and you’ve razzed me about it for years. Harry isn’t so bad."

"Then why aren’t you still sleeping with him?" Kieran arched an eyebrow suggestively.

Naomi shook her head. "You are impossible. You know that?"

"I know. I didn’t want you to have a corner on the impossible market," she teased. "So are you going to answer my question?"

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Which one? What my costume is going to be or which part is disgusting?"

"Neither. Why aren’t you still sleeping with him?"

Naomi glared at her friend. "I don’t love him. And he wants to marry me. Hell, everybody I go out with wants to tie me down. It’s like there’s some Tom Paris betting pool just waiting to see who will finally wear me down," she said disdainfully. "I would have been perfectly happy to keep right on sleeping with him, until he got all serious on me."

"So not Harry. Who are you going to the ball with?"

Naomi cleared her throat. "Actually, I was hoping you’d go with me."

Kieran gave her a skeptical smile. "Thanks, but don’t you think sympathy is a piss poor reason to escort me?"

Naomi’s expression softened. "This isn’t about sympathy. I enjoy your company. Neither of us has a date. Why not go together? Unless I’m wrong—do you have a date?"

Kieran laughed at that. "Oh, yeah, all those cadets are just dying to boff an old broad pushing 50."

Naomi lay her hand on Kieran’s shoulder. "I hate it when you talk about yourself like that," she advised her softly.

Kieran turned her chair on its swivel base, looking up at the lanky redhead whose face still had tiny freckles. "I was only kidding, Naomi. Don’t take it so seriously." She took the hand on her shoulder and kissed it fondly.

"I can’t help it. It’s as if you think you’re a fossil, the way you talk. Kieran, you’re still young, you have time for a second life if you want it. You could have a second family for that matter. Are you totally oblivious to the fact that you’re a beautiful woman? People still look at you that way, you know. Not as an ‘old broad’. I’ve overheard a few conversations in Engineering that would put a healthy blush on those too-thin cheeks of yours, Counselor."

Kieran rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, I can just imagine the comments," she said sarcastically. "Comments like ‘I bet underneath that uniform, she’s got Klingon mating scars from head to toe.’ Or ‘Hey, you could marry her and in a few years, collect her Starfleet Pension.’ I don’t think so, Na."

Naomi’s face clouded with fury. "Goddammit Kieran, that’s not funny. It’s—it’s—oh you fucking piss me off!" she shouted, flouncing out of Kieran’s quarters in a rage. She stormed down the hall, blood surging in her ears, heart pounding. She is so fucking infuriating! Doesn’t she get how much it hurts me when she denigrates herself like that? God I just want to slap her when she gets that way. But why do I care what she says about herself? I know the truth, I see how wonderful she is. Why do I flinch everytime she insults herself?

Naomi was puzzled by her own reaction, but it didn’t take the edge off her anger. She went back to her quarters, ordered the computer to play a particularly grating Cardassian symphony, changed out of her uniform, and replicated a beer. She sat in the darkness, wearing an ancient t-shirt Kieran had given her when she was just a kid. It was an old Starfleet Academy t-shirt, and Naomi had slept in it for years. Her idea of pajamas was the shirt and a pair of flannel boxer shorts. She thought about hailing Kieran to apologize, but she was still angry, so it wouldn’t be sincere.

Susanna picked that moment to show up at Naomi’s door, and Naomi picked that moment to realize she missed the familiar intimacy she’d had with this woman, the way she moved under Naomi’s hands, the way she sighed and gasped in pleasure, the way she bit her lip just before she would come. When Kieran came to apologize, she was advised by the computer that Naomi had placed an emergency override only privacy lock on her door. She was about to ring the door chime anyway, until she heard voices inside, one of which was very clearly in the throes of an orgasm, panting "Oh, Naomi, yes!" Kieran scurried away, face beet red, and headed for Sandrine’s. When she was pleasantly inebriated, she thought about going back to Naomi’s, but figured she might get another earful. Seven and Kathryn came in about then, planning to shoot some pool.

"Good evening, Counselor," Kathryn greeted her with a firm hug, which Seven added to on the other side. "What are you drinking?"

"Beer. Lots of it," she grinned affably.

Janeway motioned to the barkeep to bring three more. "You’re a little unsteady on your feet, Kieran. Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Naomi just got torqued off at me earlier, and it drove me here to drown my sorrows." She downed her beer in one long draught. "I’m not sure what it was even about, but she swore a blue streak at me."

Seven smirked. "You can be a most irritating individual, Kieran Thompson. I am certain Naomi had her reasons."

Kieran saluted the Borg beauty with her glass. "Thank you. At least I’m not boring."

"Would you care to elaborate on the nature of the conflict?"

Kieran told them the whole story. "Now why the hell d’you think she’d get pissed off just because I said those things?"

Kathryn and Seven exchanged knowing glances. "Maybe it hurts her because she thinks the world of you, and your self-directed insults make her feel like she must have bad taste, if she thinks so much of you and you think so little of yourself," Janeway lied, knowing full well why Naomi got so angry.

"Hey, Cap’n, that’s a pretty good analysis. Why don’t you turn the ship over to Chakotay and come work for me? I could use another counselor to share the case load."

"Yes," Janeway smarted, "I’ll be the one to handle all the substance abuse cases. Seven? Let’s get her home before she falls off the bar stool and breaks her neck."

____________________

Naomi awoke to find Susanna had gone. She remembered that her lover had petulantly denounced her for sleeping with her when she clearly did not love her anymore now than when they had stopped sleeping together the last time. Naomi had been furious. Why would Susanna think anything else? It was just sex, not a retraction of all they’d said over the last year. So why did Susanna get so bent out of shape?

She rolled out of bed and saw that her comm panel was blinking. She retrieved the message.

Naomi:

I’m sorry I acted like such an ass last night. If you still want to go to the Captain’s Ball together, I’d like that very much. However, I understand if you have other plans. I stopped by your quarters late last night, and I’m pretty sure from the sounds I heard that you might already have a date for the ball. Let me know. In fact, if you’re not busy later, let’s have dinner.

Love,

Kieran

Naomi grimaced as she read the note. Why, of all the nights to choose, did I let Susanna in here last night? God, could my timing possibly suck any worse?

Kieran:

I’m sorry I got so angry last night. I’m not sure why I take it so personally when you say hurtful things about yourself. I guess it’s none of my business, but for some reason, I can’t take it. I’d love to go to the ball together. And dinner tonight would be great. How about my quarters at 1700 hours? I’ll do the cooking. After all, we’re going to have to eat it, so we can’t leave it up to you.

Love,

Na

____________________

Naomi Wildman was as adept in the kitchen as she was with a warp core. She especially loved making anything that had tomatoes and garlic in the ingredients. She had learned to cook when Kathryn came down with a virus that all but annihilated her appetite, and Naomi had taken the personal challenge of concocting something that might tempt her Mother to eat. She didn’t often take the time anymore, but when she did, the reviews were always raves.

Kieran Thompson wasn’t clear about what she had done that was so wrong that Naomi had screamed obscenities at her, but she wasn’t taking any chances. She arrived promptly, impeccably attired in crisp khaki slacks and a white tab collar blouse, long brown hair braided down her back, bearing a bottle of wine from the Picard vineyards. The wine had been a wedding gift, and Kieran and B'Elanna had planned to drink it on their 25^th anniversary, which would never come. Kieran knew it was a bit lavish for an apology, but she treasured her friendship with Naomi, and it felt like a grand gesture was in order. She had never seen Naomi that angry.

On the way to Naomi’s quarters, Kieran ran into Gretchen Hansen-Janeway. The young woman had crystal blue eyes, white-blond hair that she kept very short, and a physique that rivaled Seven of Nine’s. Although Kathryn had carried her, it was apparent she got most of her physical appearance from Seven’s genes.

"Kieran!" Gretchen shouted, grabbing the elder woman into a fierce hug. "Where have you been keeping yourself? We haven’t played velocity in ages. Wanna have a go?"

Kieran hugged her back. "Sure. I can still whip your butt, Geejay. You get prettier every day, you know that?"

Gretchen blushed. "Thanks. How come you’re the only one who notices besides K-Mom and Borg-Mom?"

Kieran regarded her skeptically. "I’m sure everyone notices. They probably just don’t say anything about it. Probably because they know they aren’t worthy of you," she cooed.

"Flatterer," she accused. "I bet Katie would like to see you—she’s been bringing you up a lot this week."

"Yeah, well, she has trouble squeezing me into her schedule—too many nights humping Tom Paris, if you ask me."

"Amen," Gretchen echoed the sentiment. "God, I don’t know what she sees in him. He acts like a pimple-faced, horny teenager. At least she has the good sense not to have fallen in love with him," Gretchen looked sad.

Kieran knew in that instant that Gretchen was in love with Katie, and Katie either didn’t know, didn’t care, or was running like hell from her best friend. She cupped Gretchen’s face in her hand, smiling sympathetically. "She’ll come around, Geejay. She’s just dealing with her Mother’s death in the only way she knows how. Eventually, she’ll realize Tom is not the great love of her life, and she’ll start looking for someone who is."

"I thought so too, at first, but they’ve been together so long, I’m starting to wonder." Her blue eyes were deeply troubled at that thought.

Kieran hugged her again. "Trust me. I know my daughter. One of these days, she’ll get tired of Tom, and then she’ll wake up and realize that what she really wants has been right under her nose all the time."

"You think?" Gretchen sounded hopeful.

"I know," Kieran replied, stroking the young woman’s hair fondly. "Don’t give up on her, Geejay. Some things are just predestined to be, if you wait patiently."

Gretchen smirked at Kieran’s insight. "You don’t miss much, do you?"

"On the contrary, I miss a lot of things."

One thing in particular, Counselor. You’ve missed one very important thing.

"Well, you’d better hurry up, or you’re going to miss dinner. Naomi does not like to be stood up, and she hates tardiness even more. You’ve already moved to the top of her shit list once this week. Don’t try for twice."

Kieran saluted smartly. "Understood. On my way," she said with mock formality.

 

When Naomi opened the door, she smiled brilliantly at her guest, as if the day before had not happened. Kieran was startled when the door slid open, as Naomi’s silhouette was framed by the most warm backlighting, she looked almost angelic, standing there with her hair flowing around her shoulders. Kieran knew it was a momentary trick of light, but it was riveting, nonetheless. My God, all these kids are growing up to be so beautiful. I never noticed. Well, I noticed Katie, because she looks just like B'Elanna, but Geejay and Naomi are both stunning, too. I must have been in a daze for the last decade.

"Hi," Naomi said shyly, feeling a bit sheepish for her tirade the day before. "Come in."

"Hi sweetie," Kieran leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Listen, I’m really sorry about yesterday. I brought you a peace offering," she handed her the bottle.

"Wow, you must feel really awful, if this is your offering. This is pretty fancy stuff." She ushered Kieran into her quarters, motioning her to the couch.

"I was saving it for B'Elanna’s and my 25^th anniversary, but, well…" she couldn’t bring herself to say ‘we only made it to 23’.

Naomi smiled again. "It’s okay, I understand. I’ll just put this on ice," Naomi replicated a silver ice bucket and set the wine to cool. "Thanks for your note."

"No, thanks for yours. I’m sorry about the reference I made to the sounds coming out of your quarters. That’s really none of my business," she averted her eyes.

Naomi’s face colored prettily. "It’s okay. It was just a lapse in judgment that you overheard."

Kieran grinned mischievously. "Do you mean to say, I overhead a lapse in judgment, or that being audible was the lapse in judgment?"

Although Kieran was teasing her, Naomi answered seriously. "The former. Susanna came by, and well, one thing led to another…but nothing has changed. I’m not in love with her, and she is in love with me. I thought she understood that I can’t give her what she wants, and I assumed she had finally accepted the relationship on my terms, or she wouldn’t have come around. But she still wants the same things she always did."

Naomi put the finishing touches on dinner while they talked. Kieran watched her closely, wondering what else she had not noticed about the young woman while she was busy not noticing how gorgeous Naomi was becoming over the years. She noted that like Seven, Naomi had a visible economy of motion, crisp and precise. There was something else, though Kieran couldn’t put her finger on it. Something intangible, yet pervasive, and it showed in her eyes and her face.

"I’m sorry things didn’t turn out as you wanted them to," she returned. Then pensively, "What’s it like to sleep with someone you don’t love?"

Naomi planted her hands on her hips. "You’ve never slept with someone for the hell of it?"

Kieran shook her head. "Never even crossed my mind. I’m not comfortable with making myself vulnerable unless there are real feelings involved besides lust."

"I guess it’s like scratching an itch," Naomi explained. "You have the urge, you scratch. Afterwards, you feel better. You don’t sit around and analyze it, or try to make it into more than it is."

Kieran was fascinated. "Don’t you feel weird letting someone you don’t love see into you like that? I mean, it’s just so personal, sharing your response with someone. That place where you just let everything go, and allow them to take you where they choose."

Naomi poured the wine, and joined Kieran on the couch. She was picturing Kieran responding to lovemaking, and growing quite aroused. "I don’t think I respond the way you mean," she considered it carefully.

"Excuse me?" Kieran swirled the wine around in the glass, watching the eddies and currents in the dark red liquid.

"I mean, when I was a kid, I heard Kathryn and Seven making love on many occasions. Whatever they do to each other, it must not be anything I’ve experienced, because I can’t remember ever making the sounds they made. Not that I haven’t made other people react that way, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of anything that intense."

Kieran felt the wine bringing heat to her cheeks. Or was it the thought of Kathryn and Seven making love that was making her tingle? Or maybe the thought of Naomi making you scream like that, a nasty voice in her head commented. Composed once again, Kieran asked "Are you saying that you’ve never had an orgasm?"

Naomi shrugged. "I guess not. I mean, I certainly haven’t reached that stage where I’m gasping and groaning, if that’s what you mean. My partners have done plenty of that, but I’m pretty quiet."

Kieran laughed softly. "Kahless’ balls, no wonder you’ve never settled down," she shook her head ruefully. Then the tragedy of Naomi’s words hit her. "Na, you’re missing so much. You need to find a lover that can make you completely lose control of yourself. It’s the most liberating, wonderful thing."

Naomi was blushing deep red, but she wanted to have this conversation. Kieran was the only person she trusted enough to talk about it with. "Was it like that with B'Elanna?" she asked timidly. She regretted the question as soon as it was out of her mouth. "Oh, Kieran, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up—"

"It’s okay," Kieran took her hand. "I don’t mind. Yes, it was that way with B'Elanna, only so much more. She could make love for hours, and still want more. She was so masterful in bed. She could make me climax in seconds, if she wanted to, or make me hang on the edge for an hour. She could seduce me from clear across a crowded room, just by giving me that feral smile and licking her lips. Klingon women are so amazingly passionate."

"I’ve heard Klingons are pretty rough in bed."

"It’s not really true, at least in my experience. I mean, yes they do have some pretty physically demanding bloodlust at times, but honestly, those times are very rare. B'Elanna was as gentle as she was beautiful. I trusted her completely, and she never disappointed me. She always seemed to know instinctively what I needed, and she always gave it to me in abundance," she tossed back a large gulp of wine. "I miss her everyday. I’d trade my life for one last time in her arms," she admitted, sorrow etching her features.

Naomi squeezed Kieran’s hand. "I’m sorry, truly sorry," she whispered, eyes filled with tears. "I can’t begin to know what you must feel."

Kieran laughed bitterly. "I feel like part of my soul is just—missing. I yearn for it. I grieve for it. But there’s no getting it back." Kieran finished her wine. "Okay, enough gut wrenching disclosure. I’m starved. What’s for dinner?"

"Seafood crepes with tomato basil sauce, linguine and pesto on the side."

Kieran grinned ear to ear. "That sounds delicious. Can we eat?"

Naomi laughed. "Of course. I’m honored you’d even consider it, given how little you care for food these days."

__________________

Samantha’s vision of the future slowed considerably as the details of Naomi’s 33^rd birthday played in her mind. Katie and Gretchen were in their 20’s, both Ensigns. Kathryn Janeway was aging gracefully, nearing her seventh decade of life, and looking all of 40, except for the silver streaks among the auburn of her hair. She was still in command of Voyager, and had told Chakotay he could have the Captain’s chair when he could pry her cold, dead hands from the armrests. Seven of Nine had hardly aged, since her Borg nanoprobes had kept her rejuvenated over the years. She looked as young as Naomi.

The crew had gathered in the holodeck to celebrate Naomi’s birthday. Most of the guests were engineering department people, but a sizeable portion of the original crew showed up, as well. Of course, Kathryn, Seven and Kieran were there. The three were still inseparable, perhaps moreso since B’Elanna’s death. Naomi was slated to have a quiet dinner after the party with the three older women.

Samantha was amused to see how many young faces at the party cast sidelong glances at her daughter, glances filled with admiration and desire. She knew in an instant of understanding that no fewer than eight of the faces belonged to crewmembers who had tried to get Naomi to marry them or move in with them.

Samantha was suddenly watching as Naomi stretched on the couch in the Captain’s quarters. She had her stocking feet in Kieran’s lap, reclining against the arm of the sofa behind her, listening to Kieran’s story.

"I told Katie that she’s only going to replace me in the starting rotation when her batting average is better than mine," Kieran was saying. "She gave me that Klingon ‘I can kick your ass’ look she gets."

"The one B’Elanna used to give us all," Seven added.

"I’ll grant you, Katie can outrun me any day, but it doesn’t matter how fast you run the bases if you don’t get a hit in the first place," she grinned, proud that she could outplay her youthful daughter. "I expect she’ll top my average by the end of the season, somehow. God knows, she has her mother’s competitive spirit, and her determination. She won’t rest until she is better than me," she chuckled. Her eyes sparkled with humor, despite the losses she’d suffered. "I wish B’Elanna were here to see that Katie earned her commission," she added softly, thinking no one could hear.

Naomi heard. She rotated her body to sit beside her friend, taking her hand. "She loved you very much," she reminded Kieran, as if she might forget.

Kathryn and Seven were in the kitchen, fussing over dinner, and ignoring their guests. Kieran lowered her voice. "Their anniversary is coming—have you figured out what to do for them this year?"

"I’ve got several ideas, actually. Why don’t we have dinner together tomorrow and discuss it? I’d like to keep it a surprise."

"Sure, sweetie," she still called her that after 25 years. "Speaking of surprises, you said there was something you wanted from me for your birthday, and not to get you anything until you could explain it to me—but you never have said what it is. Now your birthday is here, and I don’t have a present for you. I feel bad, not giving you anything."

Naomi smiled. "Have dinner with me tomorrow night, and I’ll explain what I want you to give me. It’s something I’d only trust you to know about. It’s kind of embarrassing, okay? K-Mom and Borg-Mom would never let me live it down if they found out," she said mysteriously.

Kieran frowned. "You haven’t been sleeping with Harry again, have you?"

Naomi snorted. "Hardly. After the pregnancy, there’s no way. Thanks again for helping me, and not telling the Moms. I really didn’t want to marry him, and I’ve never regretted letting the baby go. Thanks for not making me tell him I was pregnant," she added.

Kieran squeezed her hand. "I’ve always felt it should be a woman’s choice, not a man’s. I knew then, as I know now, Harry would have had a fit if he’d known. He’d have made the Doctor culture the fetus in stasis/maturation, and then you’d have been forced to have a child, like it or not. I knew you’d never abandon the baby once it was born, and you’d end up parenting when you never wanted to. It was the right decision. I just wish you’d pick sexual partners that aren’t so damned selfish. I’d love to see you with someone who wants what’s best for you."

"I’m working on it," she smiled wryly.

"Speaking of which," Kieran said mischievously, "I noticed Susanna was there this afternoon." She waggled her eyebrows at Naomi. "Is she still trying to win you back?"

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Yes. She just doesn’t get it. Why does she think I’ll change my mind? I didn’t want to marry her when we were lovers, and I don’t want to marry her now. I don’t even want to be lovers with her, let alone settle down."

Kieran chuckled, touching Naomi’s hair fondly. "You are too much, you know that? You stick to your guns, Naomi. Don’t settle for less than what you want. God knows, nobody else in this room ever did."

"I never have either," she smirked. "Not really."

____________________

 

Naomi’s quarters were well appointed, and she had set a formal table for her dinner with Kieran. She selected classical baroque for mood music, chilled some wine, and lit candles. By the time Kieran rang the door chime, she’d changed into shorts and a tank top, opting for formal dining but casual dress.

"Come!" she called.

"Hi Na—wow. Nice. What’s the occasion? Is this a little birthday celebration for you?"

"Nope. I just felt like having a proper dinner for a change. I spend too much time snagging something from the replicator and eating on the run."

"Yes, but you’re doing a wonderful job in Engineering. The ship is running better than it has in a long time. B’Elanna would be proud of you. I know I am."

Naomi stopped setting the table and hugged Kieran. "I’m glad you are. And I’d like to think she would be." Naomi stepped back, arms still around Kieran’s neck. She still had to look up at the taller woman, and she indulgently remembered being seven, and hugging Kieran just like this. Warm brown eyes regarded her intently, Kieran’s hands clasping her waist.

Naomi smiled up at her. "I hope you’re hungry. You’re getting too thin, Kieran."

The Counselor rolled her eyes. "You sound just like your mother," she said flatly.

"Which one?" Naomi shot back playfully.

"Both, come to think of it. I’m not starving, I promise. The women in my family always tended to get leaner in their old age," she winked at her dinner companion. "How about if I open this wine and let it breathe a little?"

"You are NOT old, Kieran," Naomi defended her. "Even Kathryn’s not old yet, and she’s got a good 20 years on you. Yeah, open the wine. Pour me a glass, would you?"

"Of course. So what have you got in mind for the big anniversary surprise?" Seven and Kathryn’s anniversary parties were legendary on Voyager. No one knew how to throw a bash like the Captain and the missus.

"I was thinking we could do a holoprogram of a Casino, and let them drink and gamble all night, before sending them to the honeymoon suite for the weekend. I know Tom will agree to deal at the blackjack table, and Harry will do anything I ask him to do. The Doctor fancies himself the roulette master, so he’ll run the wheel."

Kieran grinned appreciatively. "Not bad. You come up with something novel every year. If they stay married much longer, you’re going to have to repeat a few themes," her eyes sparkled, knowing Naomi would never run out of creative ways to entertain her parents.

"Dinner’s ready. Let’s eat before it gets cold."

Kieran playfully held out Naomi’s chair with a chivalrous bow. Naomi allowed herself to be seated, grinning at her friend. Kieran sat down and took a bite of the chicken parmegiano, her face totally alight with surprise. "Oh Na—this is terrific. This didn’t come from the replicator, did it?"

"No. Once in awhile, I like to make real food that isn’t preprogrammed. Part of the trick to making good food is that the combination varies from time to time, because it’s imprecise to cook from scratch. If you always let the replicator do the cooking, things taste exactly the same every time, because the computer measures each ingredient exactly. It’s boring," she intoned disdainfully. "Besides, I’d never replicate dinner for a guest, especially not you."

"I didn’t realize you’d made such a study of cuisine. But you can make me dinner anytime. I’d probably actually eat a meal once in awhile if it were this good. Most of the crap that comes out of my unit isn’t worth the effort it takes to eat it," she laughed. "What?" Kieran asked, seeing something questioning in Naomi’s eyes.

Naomi took her hand. "How are you really, Kieran?"

She squeezed the diminutive hand. "I’m really okay, sweetie. I know it’s been a rough two years for all of us. But I finally have my equilibrium back. Katie is still reeling from losing B'Elanna, but I feel fine. Not that I mean to say I’ll ever stop missing her. But I don’t have to take sedatives to sleep, and I’m not depressed anymore. It’s manageable. Hell, I might even start dating again, if I can find anyone that catches my eye," she waggled her eyebrows, trying to get a laugh out of Naomi. "God knows one of us has to have a love life to gossip with the other about, and I’m not leaving it up to you, Miss I’m never getting married."

"There’s a big difference between dating and getting married," Naomi argued. "Hell, everytime I go out with someone, the Moms start planning the wedding. It’s gotten too tiresome to deal with. So I don’t even date."

"Can I ask you something?" Kieran turned serious all of a sudden.

"Sure."

"What happened with Susanna? One minute, you were back to living together, and the next, she was off with Chakotay’s son. I thought you two had something special, or at least that you’d worked out your differences finally," her tone grew soft.

Naomi sighed. "I cared for her, Kieran, but I wasn’t in love with her. I enjoyed having someone to go home to, and having someone to talk to about my day. I enjoyed the physical part too, but I didn’t feel like I needed or wanted more with her."

Kieran finished her dinner, raising her wine glass. "That was excellent. Thank you. So you enjoyed the physical part, eh? I seem to remember you telling me that sexual intimacy sounded messy and kind of disgusting," she ribbed the younger woman. She seated herself on the couch, waiting for Naomi to put up a fight.

"Well I was right about the messy part," Naomi insisted. "Harry has the corner on that market," she insulted her ex-lover. She joined Kieran on the couch. "Let me know when you’re ready for dessert. I have cheesecake."

Toying with her wine glass, Kieran thought again about Susanna. "So you didn’t fall in love with Susanna or Harry. Have you ever been in love?"

Naomi blushed. "Once. But I was only seven. And she was married to someone else right after I figured out I was in love with her."

Kieran smiled fondly at her then, remembering. "You were awfully presumptuous for a seven year old," she accused. "I thought I would die right then and there when you kissed me," she laughed. "When I told Kathryn, I wasn’t sure if she would laugh, or pull out her phaser and shoot me on the spot."

Naomi chuckled too. "I wish I had that reaction on a data record. I’d love to have seen her face."

"I’d love to have seen my own face," Kieran wiped her eyes. "We’ve had some great times, our little families," she grinned, taking Naomi’s hand again. Then changing the subject before she could start feeling sad about B'Elanna missing so much of the changes on Voyager, she asked "So what is it you wanted me to get you for your birthday? You’ve never been so vague or reluctant before. In fact," she teased, "you usually drop hints for at least three months prior to the actual date."

This was it. Naomi took a deep breath. "Well, like I said, it’s something only you can know about for now. K-Mom would be like a dog with a bone, and Borg-Mom would be insufferable in her own way. Here," she handed Kieran an envelope. "Read this over, and then we can talk about it. Would you excuse me for a moment?"

Kieran was puzzled, but complied with the request. She opened the envelope, and found a note inside.

Kieran:

There’s only one thing I really want for my birthday, and you’re the only one who can give it to me. Please come to my room in five minutes, and I’ll explain.

Na’

Kieran grinned. Naomi still liked guessing games, even at 33. Ever the sense of childlike wonder, Kieran said to herself. She finished her wine, checked the chronometer, and walked down the hall to Naomi’s room. It was pitch black inside, so she figured Naomi would order the lights on any second with some dramatic flair or other. She stepped inside expectantly, but no lights came on. And then she felt Naomi come up behind her, felt gentle fingers on her shoulders turning her around to face those hazel eyes, almost hidden by the darkness. Naomi slipped her arms around Kieran’s neck then, and Kieran regarded her with a bemused expression. Unconsciously Kieran’s hands rested on Naomi’s waist.

"Computer, one quarter lights," Naomi commanded softly. As the lights came up, Kieran saw that Naomi was wearing a short silk bathrobe that tied loosely at the waist. Gazing up at Kieran with as much confidence as she could muster, Naomi slipped the robe over alabaster shoulders, letting it puddle to the ground around her feet, and stood before the woman she had loved for 25 years, completely naked.

Naomi couldn’t speak. She put her arms around Kieran’s neck again and closed the distance between them, lifting her lips to claim Kieran’s. They kissed sweetly, tentatively. Naomi reached for her, tangling her fingers in Kieran’s hair, drawing her closer, their bodies pressed together. Kieran felt Naomi deepen the kiss, and she was helpless to stop it. Naomi was a captivating woman, and Kieran had realized shortly after B’Elanna’s death that Naomi was the only uninvolved person on Voyager she could ever be with. But as much as she wanted the redhead, she would never have suggested anything. She wanted the best for Naomi as she always had, and her own needs and desires had ceased to matter long ago. She had never let on in the slightest that she loved Naomi. Seven had known. Seven tried to confront her about it on a couple of occasions, and Kieran refused to discuss it, primarily because she was convinced Naomi would never return the feeling.

"I have loved you forever," Naomi whispered as she broke their embrace. "What I want from you for my birthday? I want you. I have always wanted you. I told you yesterday I had never settled for less than what I want, and that was true. That’s why I didn’t marry Susanna, or Harry, or half a dozen other people who asked over the last two decades. None of them were you."

Kieran clung to her tightly. "Naomi," she said her name like a prayer. "Why would you deny yourself a family, love, companionship all these years?"

"Because it wasn’t worth it unless it was with you," she replied simply. "It’s like what you said about replicated food—not worth the effort it takes to eat it. The others weren’t worth the effort, and they weren’t what I want. I would have waited another decade, two, three—I didn’t care. I never stopped being in love with you. Susanna knew it, and that’s why she left me. I never wanted anything to happen to B’Elanna, you know that. But she’s gone, and we’re here. Please Kieran, don’t turn me away this time."

"Naomi," she dropped her face to reclaim those wonderful lips. "I do love you. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to fall in love again after B’Elanna died. But I have. But I’m 22 years older than you, Na. I’d have taken the information to my grave, I swear it. I decided long ago never to tell you. I never intended for you to put your life on hold. I never would have let you, if I’d have known. I didn’t know you still felt this way. I just assumed you hadn’t met the person you were supposed to be with."

"I met her when I was about six. There’s never been anyone else in my heart, Kieran. I guess I hid it well. Or maybe you just couldn’t let yourself see it while B'Elanna was alive. I’m not sure."

Kieran kissed her then, exploring, questioning. Naomi opened her mouth, welcoming Kieran’s tongue, feeling the initial rush of wetness between her legs, knowing this woman was what she had waited for. She slowly unbuttoned Kieran’s shirt, smoothing her hands over her flat stomach muscles, and around her back, unhooking her bra, and watching as her love’s body was revealed to her. Her quick intake of breath surprised her, as it was completely involuntary. "Oh," she murmured. "You are so much more beautiful than I ever imagined," she breathed, running her hands over Kieran’s chest, shoulders, and breasts. "And believe me, I’ve imagined you a thousand times," she whispered.

Kieran was breathing hard, aching from the feeling of Naomi’s hands on her, needing what she hadn’t had in over two years, anticipating making love to the captivating angel in her arms. She knew she had to take the lead, or she would be too lost in her own pleasure to give Naomi what she had never had. Discarding what remained of her clothing, she moved Naomi to the edge of the bed, pulling her down on top of her, reveling in the giggles that erupted from her young lover as they fell on the mattress. She rolled them both over, so that she was holding Naomi but hovering over her, searching her mouth, nipping her neck, pressing her leg between Naomi’s and feeling the moisture bathing her thighs. Kieran groaned as she felt that heat and liquid readiness, wanting to ravish Naomi where she lay. But this had to be perfect. It would not be rushed. After all, the woman had waited for 25 years. Kieran would do her damnedest to make it worth the wait.

Kieran softly bit Naomi’s neck, making her arch her back and gasp with the sensation. Naomi’s hands roamed across Kieran’s back and buttocks, kneading, caressing, teasing. Kieran began the slow descent from Naomi’s ear to her breasts, leaving tickling, puckering kisses as she moved, feeling her lover’s legs open to her intruding thigh. She took a bright pink nipple in her mouth, rolling it languidly with her tongue, listening to Naomi’s whimpers of need. She rocked her leg against Naomi’s sex, provocatively, teasing, heightening the young woman’s arousal, and shifting her ministrations to Naomi’s other nipple. Naomi lay beneath her, trembling, shuddering, moaning. "Kieran," she whispered, "please, touch me, please…I want you," she begged. Kieran obliged by cupping Naomi’s folds in her hand, finding the slick source of the moisture filling her palm, then filling her lover with two fingers and watching as she arched into that penetration, crying out her name, "Kieran!"

Naomi’s muscles were so tight, already quivering inside with the beginnings of her climax. Kieran backed off, stilling the motion of her fingers, easing Naomi down from the brink. "Not yet," she murmured to her young lover. "I want you to remember this for the rest of your life." Naomi responded with a needful moan as Kieran kissed a path from breast to belly, from navel to hip, taking a deep breath and filling herself with the scent of Naomi’s desire. She kissed her inner thighs, tasting her wetness with the tip of her tongue as she kissed and sucked the tender flesh into her mouth. She brushed her lips over the soft folds where her fingers disappeared, while Naomi undulated her hips, moving Kieran’s fingers inside her once again. "Don’t move," Kieran ordered, not willing to let it end so quickly.

"I need to move," Naomi groaned, "Kieran, please, please don’t tease me," she wailed.

Kieran wrapped her lips around her lover’s dripping folds, parting them with her tongue, all the while pinning Naomi to the bed so she could not rock her hips against Kieran’s fingers. She pleasured her slowly, feasting on her, avoiding that throbbing nub that Naomi would surely have touched herself if not for Kieran’s head blocking her access. She was covered in a thin veneer of sweat, head lolling side to side, moaning with every flick of Kieran’s tongue.

"I want you to squeeze my fingers now," Kieran instructed her, "as tightly as you can, and don’t let go. If you let go, I’ll stop what I’m doing."

"I won’t," she promised. "I won’t let go."

Kieran felt Naomi’s walls close around the diameter of her penetrating fingers, moaned at the sensation of being sucked deeper inside, and knew she was ready. Trapping the swollen nub with her lips, Kieran swirled her tongue over Naomi’s sensitive bundle, fluttering the tip of her tongue lightning fast, then curling her fingers inside of her lover, feeling the tightness clamp down harder. Naomi was thrashing on the bed, gasping, groaning, and finally, blessedly, coming into her lover’s welcoming mouth. Her body exploded in waves of ecstasy that lifted her off the bed, crying out her pleasure. Kieran moved to cover her quivering body, protective of the continued release Naomi was experiencing. She held her tenderly, stroking her hair, whispering to her "It’s okay, now, I’ve got you." Hazel eyes regarded her with gratitude and abiding love, and Kieran was lost in them, kissing her beloved with passion she thought had died with B'Elanna, kissing through the shudders that rocked them, kissing through the tears that followed. "I love you, Naomi," she promised her.

Then searching her eyes, Naomi touched her face. "My birthday present. I want you. For keeps. Will you, Kieran? Will you marry me?"

"You’re sure?"

Naomi kissed her, lingering over the feel of her mouth. Kieran was quickly losing the ability to speak, and an involuntary sound escaped her throat.

"I’ve only had 25 years to think about it," she noted sarcastically. Then teasing, "Maybe I’d better think it over another couple of decades," she tickled Kieran’s buttocks playfully. "I’m sure," she said confidently.

Kieran held her close, considering. Maybe she could still have happiness—maybe they both could.

"Yes, I will," she said, voice barely audible.

"Then I guess this time, I don’t have to run from the room crying," she teased.

_______________

 

Kathryn and Seven served dinner to their usual dinner guests, the weekly ritual having been established long ago. Kieran was decidedly quiet, lost in thought, wondering how in the world she could ever explain to her two oldest and dearest friends that she was going to marry their daughter, a woman she had practically helped them raise. She tried to tell herself that they would understand, given their own age differences. But she was worried.

Naomi was more animated than Kathryn could ever remember her being. Seven’s lips curled up slightly at the corners, having guessed that Naomi was about to deliver some news. She was mightily amused at Kieran’s obvious nervousness, Naomi’s great joy, and Kathryn’s complete cluelessness. She wished she could get a photo of Kathryn’s face at the moment that had arrived.

"Hey, Moms," Naomi began. "Remember all those wedding plans you put together for me when Susanna and I moved in together? And the arrangements you started working on when Harry and I were dating? I think it’s time to take the blueprints out of the ole mothballs," she joked.

"Really?" Kathryn squeaked. "You’re getting married?"

Naomi smiled, reaching for Kieran’s hand. "Congratulate us. We are getting married."

Kathryn’s eyes grew so wide, Seven could swear she say gray matter peeking out from behind them. Seven handed Kathryn a glass of water. "Drink this and count to ten afterward," she ordered sweetly.

Kieran sighed. "Na, this is not how we agreed to tell them," she complained, knowing Kathryn was about to have a stroke.

"I know, but I couldn’t help myself," she laughed. "The look on K-Mom’s face was worth all the latinum in the alpha quadrant," she touched Kathryn’s hand. "It’ll be okay, Mom, don’t worry."

Kathryn turned on her spouse with an accusatory tone. "You knew about this, didn’t you?"

Seven smiled sweetly. "Of course not, my darling, I knew nothing of it. I did, however, suspect this would happen eventually."

"How? How would you know this, of all things?"

"I am Borg. I am observant. Naomi has—what is the expression? Carried a torch? Yes, that’s it. Naomi has carried a torch for Kieran since she was barely able to talk. It was inevitable, once Kieran was single again."

Kathryn shook her head in disbelief. "You’re my best friend, Kieran. Why didn’t you tell me you love my daughter?"

"Because you told me once that though you think the world of me, you would not give me permission to date your daughter."

"That was a quarter of a century ago, Miss Missy. She was only six. You’ve been holding out on us," she scolded.

"Look on the bright side, Kathryn. Now we will both have wives that keep us spry, because they look like teenagers."

Kathryn snorted. "My wife looks like a teenager. Your wife is a teenager, you lecherous old coot."

Then more seriously, she explained "I never intended to tell anyone, Kathryn, least of all, Naomi. I thought she deserved better. So I kept my feelings to myself, and kept my mouth shut. But she had different plans, and what can I say? I succumbed to her feminine charms, and I am hopelessly whipped. There was no reason to lie to her and deny that I love her, when she swore she was in love with me. I’m altruistically masochistic, but I’m not a moron."

Kathryn turned back to Seven. "You knew," she said flatly.

"I knew love when I saw it. I have learned to detect it by being loved thoroughly by you all these years, Kathryn Janeway. How could you miss it? Kieran hasn’t been able to take her eyes off Naomi when they are together for months, now. Our dinners together should have given you ample evidence. Kieran has been gazing longingly at our daughter over dinner for months. I tried to get her to admit she loved Naomi, but she is stubborn and deceptive. I wish only to say, Kieran—I told you so."

"K-Mom, are you okay with this?" Naomi asked with concern. "Because you should be. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life. Kieran is the only person I’ve ever loved. Can you understand that and be happy for us?"

Kathryn smiled. "Of course I’m okay with it. Just taken by surprise. This calls for a toast," she hefted her wine glass. "To Old Friends, New Love, and Second Chances."

Naomi leaned over and kissed Kieran softly. "Hear hear," she agreed.