FAMILY: PART Three: Resolutions

By Ensign Mika

 

 

Dr. Lenara Kahn scanned through the journal article’s rough draft, then stopped to rub her eyes. She had been looking at the manuscript so long, the words were starting to swim before her. Kit McCallister entered the lab, reporting for her shift. She had been assisting Dr. Kahn since the beginning of the semester, and Lenara was thoroughly impressed with her abilities and her precision. Kit had almost as good a grasp of Lenara’s research as Bejal Otner, Lenara’s brother and former research partner, had achieved.

 

“Hi Dr. Kahn,” Kit greeted her, smiling as she always did for the Trill.

 

“Hey, Kit.” Lenara stretched and yawned, her willowly limbs unknotting. “How are you?” she asked, smiling warmly at Kit.

 

“I’m good,” Kit decided, joining the doctor at the table she was sitting at. “Interesting reading?”

 

“My latest publication. I have to submit it to the jury for the IJAQ next week. I was thinking you could spend your time reading over it. Maybe recheck my calculations? Make sure it flows and the graphs are all accurate. And if you have anything to add, just jot your comments in the margin on the PADD. This is a working copy, not the master, so don’t be afraid to make edits.” She handed her the PADD. “How’s Emily doing?”

 

Kit blushed. “She’s wonderful,” the younger woman enthused. “You have to meet her.”

 

“I’d like that. Bring her by tomorrow, in fact, and we’ll have dinner. My treat. You like the Time Warp, don’t you?” Lenara smiled fondly at her assistant.

 

“I do. That’d be great, Dr. Kahn. You’ll like her, I know you will,” Kit said sincerely, thinking her girlfriend was possibly the most intelligent, pretty girl on campus. “She’s so sweet,” she added. “She left a rose in my locker at the sports arena, yesterday before practice,” Kit said absently, grinning.

 

“Very romantic.” Lenara nodded approvingly. “How did she even get into the locker room? Don’t you have to be on the team?”

 

Kit nodded. “Kieran let her in, I’m sure. She just loves it that we’re dating. She’s been so supportive, and really helpful with advice and stuff. But then, you were her lover, so I guess you know she’s an expert on romance and relationships, and just basically everything,” Kit bragged on her adoptive parent.

 

Lenara was amused at Kit’s sweeping pronouncement of Kieran’s superiority in all things, but she didn’t let it show. “Oh, yes, I know from being with her that she’s quite well versed,” she agreed, thinking Kit was too cute for words.

 

“I can only imagine, if you and Kieran had married, how smart your kids would’ve been. It’s staggering, really.”

 

“Yes. Well, you and Emily come by tomorrow. I have an afternoon meeting in my department, so I have to run.” The slender Trill tried to hide her merriment, but her green-gray eyes sparkled deviously. “But leave the PADD with your comments, and I’ll look them over.” Lenara spun on her heel, her Trill robes flapping in sapphire waves, her tightly coiffed gold-brown hair never moving an iota.

 

Lenara laughed all the way down the hall, as soon as she was out of earshot. Kieran, an expert on everything. Roses in lockers. Lenara and Kieran with children. Kit was a guaranteed laugh every time she came to the lab, she decided, her Trill spots fading to a lighter shade from her amusement.
 

_______________

 

Emily Frazier reluctantly agreed to go to dinner with Kit Wildman and Lenara Kahn, thinking it must be one of the obligatory parts of a relationship, to meet your lover’s friends. Ordinarily, Emily would have been excited at the prospect of meeting the Trill scientist, whose work Emily admired tremendously. But Emily felt she would be dwarfed by the intellect of her two companions, and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to hold her own in a conversation with them.

 

She was pleased to discover that Lenara did not talk in equations and hypotheses, her social skills were not limited to descriptions of scientific methodology, and she was actually very down to earth. She caught herself smiling at the good Doctor, head cocked to one side, appraising the woman.

 

Lenara sipped her iced tea, amused at the way Emily was looking her over. “What?” she finally asked.

 

“You’re not what I expected, that’s all,” Emily admitted.

 

“What did you expect, Emily?” Lenara’s lips pursed with humor.

 

“I’m not sure,” she replied, her dark eyes flashing. “I think I expected you to be physically a lot bigger, because I never imagined so much intelligence housed in such a small person,” she laughed. “But I didn’t expect you to be so—normal,” she added lamely.

 

“Well, I’m glad to hear that I’m normal, because sometimes, I truly wonder,” Lenara joked, grinning at the two young women.

 

“No, I mean—you can talk about things besides theories and academics. I guess I never expected the world’s foremost expert on wormholes to know anything about karate, or wine, or basketball, or any of the other things you’ve mentioned,” Emily explained, hoping she hadn’t insulted the Trill.

 

“I don’t really know anything about karate, except what I learned from going to one of Kit’s tournaments. But it was a very educational experience. Kit, did you ever have Naomi set your kata to music?”

 

Kit nodded affirmatively. “She and I did it together once. Kieran recorded it. It was pretty interesting, and since I’d never seen myself do a whole routine, it helped me improve my technique a lot.”

 

Emily smirked. “You’re the national champion, how can you get any better?” She took another appetizer, muching on the potato skin.

 

“One thing I’ve learned from Kieran—you can always improve,” Kit pointed out enthusiastically, her golden eyes warming at the thought of her adoptive mother, “even if you get so good that you’re only competing with yourself. I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as she does. By the time she joins her pro team this summer, she’s going to be in the best shape of her life.”

 

“She does have an amazing body,” Lenara murmured, not aware she’d spoken aloud, or how much longing was evident in her tone. She realized how inappropriate she sounded, and covered immediately. “Does she still swim every day?”

 

Kit shook her head. “No, now we work out together instead. We get up before it’s even light out, and we do weight training in the officers club. We run a couple of miles, too, and then we go off to class and work. We both work out with the basketball team too, every afternoon. And we’re taking a Kung Fu class together. Kieran’s getting really good at it,” Kit bragged. “Her sparring partners have a horrid disadvantage, though, because she is so long armed and legged, she can strike when they aren’t expecting it,” Kit chuckled. “She’s flattened more than one person who didn’t realize what a wingspan she’s got.” Her eyes shone with pride.

 

Lenara nodded, thinking how sweet it was that Kit so loved her adoptive mother. She turned to Emily, who was listening with envy as Kit described how close she and Kieran worked together, how bonded they were. “Tell me about your background, Emily.” She lay her hand on the younger woman’s expectantly.

 

Emily’s eyes darted between the two women. “Uh—there’s nothing to tell, really. I grew up in L.A., and I started pre-Academy classes last fall. I’d like to work in Astrometrics, someday, on a Supremacy Class vessel. That’s what I’m working toward, anyway. That’s why I know your research. We read some of it last semester, and I did the non-mandatory reading to write a paper on you. I guess that’s why I had so many preconceived ideas about what you’d be like.”

 

Lenara was startled. “You wrote a term paper about me? Don’t you mean you wrote about my work?”

 

“No, it was a biographical paper. Part of the class dealt with scientific figures as cultural icons, and we looked at the psychology of innovative minds, and the masters of their fields. I wish I had had the courage to ask you for an interview, because there’s not a lot of material available about your life. I mean, your work has been pored over by every reputable journal and theoretician, but there are only two biographies I could find about you. Both were written by Trill authors, and I would’ve liked to have had a broader perspective for the piece.”

 

“Did you get an A?” Lenara quipped, her lips curling faintly.

 

Emily nodded. “Yes, but the paper could’ve been better, if there had been better material. You must be a pretty private person. If I had wanted to do my paper on, say, Leah Brahms, there were like thirty biographies on her life.”

 

“I guess I am a little reclusive,” Lenara admitted. “I’ve had several requests from would-be biographers, but I never felt comfortable talking about my life with strangers. Maybe someday I’ll do an autobiography. I never expected there to be a demand for that sort of information, frankly.”

 

Emily smirked. “Six people in my class alone picked you. There were only eighteen students. Professor Welch promised to try to get you to speak to the class, but I guess you decided not to?”

 

“Oh,” Lenara recalled the request only vaguely. “I didn’t realize that’s what John was asking me to do. I’m sorry, Emily, I should pay closer attention to my mail. I’d have gladly spoken to your class, if I had known that’s all it was.”

 

Emily grinned. “Then come speak to my advanced astrometrics class. Professor Welch teaches that one, too. He’d fall all over himself, I’m sure.”

 

“Tell you what. How about if I go to your class with you the next time it meets, and you can introduce me to him. I’ve only met him once or twice, and I’m sure a formal introduction would be more appropriate than just offering my services.” She smiled at her new friend.

 

Emily’s eyes widened. “That would be great.” She realized what a statement it would make, to walk into her class with a famous researcher, as if they were old acquaintances. “The class meets Thursday at 0800, lecture hall B in the Stellar Sciences wing.”

 

“Is that your first class of the day?” Lenara stirred more sweetener into her tea. Emily nodded. “Can I take you to breakfast first?”

 

Emily grinned ear to ear. “That would be really nice,” she agreed.

 

“Will you let me read the paper you wrote about me?” Lenara asked faintly.

 

“I—God, Dr. Kahn, it was probably really bad. Are you sure?” she asked nervously, tugging at the ends of her dark tresses in a fit of nerves.

 

“I’m sure,” Lenara smiled assurance at her. “Thursday, you come by my lab first thing, and we’ll have breakfast. Now, ladies, what are we going to order for dinner?”

 

_____________________

 

Lenara Kahn sprinkled tabasco sauce over her scrambled eggs, perusing the PADD Emily Frazier had given her, reading over the term paper that detailed her own life.

 

Emily was almost too nervous to eat, as it dawned on her that the woman seated across from her had publications in every prestigous journal in the quadrant, had written whole textbooks on spatial anomalies, spoke in front of thousands of researchers every year. Lenara Kahn was the most erudite scholar to ever grace the halls of Starfleet Academy, and here she was, reading a silly little paper Emily had written about her.

 

“You’re not eating your breakfast,” Lenara stated without looking up from the PADD.

 

“Well, yeah.” Emily rolled her eyes, fidgeting.

 

“Why not?” she kept reading, taking occasional bites of her eggs.

 

Emily hugged herself close, rocking slightly. “Abject fear?” she offered.

 

Lenara threw back her head and laughed, the sound of it tinkling like a windchime. “It’s a wonderful paper, Emily. Very thorough and precise. You’re a gifted writer—it flows very well, and your command of the facts is excellent. You also do an admirable job of putting my technical work into layman’s terms, so the reader gets a flavor of the research without losing the focus on the person behind it. I’m very impressed. You should be my biographer. Are you interested?”

 

Emily’s jaw nearly hit the table. “Me?” she asked, her hands trembling at the prospect. “Your biographer?”

 

Lenara spread jam on her toast, nodding emphatically. “You said yourself there’s almost nothing out there about me. I’d feel comfortable telling you my story, and I know you’d write something outstanding. If you’d like, you can do it for course credit with me as the instructor. There’s a general curriculum course number for that sort of thing—it carries graduate level credit, under the heading Independent Research. It might take three or four semesters to complete. It would be a lot of work. But once it’s done, I can hook you up with a publisher, and help you negotiate the book contract. I’ve done it before. Royalty checks are a wonderful thing,” she smiled. “I’ve been banking mine for the last couple of years, so I can buy a house this summer. I love San Francisco, and I think I’m going to settle here,” she added. “Your food is going to be ice cold, young lady,” she tried to sound stern.

 

“I don’t think I can eat.” Emily was too stunned to contemplate food. “You’re serious about this?” She reached for her utensils, but her hands were shaking too much to control them.

 

Lenara frowned, taking both of Emily’s hands across the table. “Sweetie, relax. This is not a big deal. It’s just you and me, talking about my life, you take notes, you write a book. Easy. And maybe if I’m really lucky, you’ll tell me about yourself, too, and I’ll get to know you,” she encouraged the nervous pre-Cadet. “So if you want to do it, we’ll start meeting to get the information down. Once we’ve got all the notes compiled, you can take a writing course to learn how to organize and outline and chapter and revise. Or I can mentor you on that, too. I’m considered a fair writer, myself, and I’ve got all of that down to a science. In fact, I’ve been thinking of writing a researcher’s guide to getting work published, because so many students and young researchers flounder with the process.”

 

Emily was overwhelmed. “A fair writer? Dr. Kahn, I’ve heard other researchers wax poetic about your skill. Professor Welch goes on and on about your abilities. He chaired a jury that reviewed papers for the IJAQ, and he said they never had to edit a thing you sent them. He makes your articles mandatory reading for his Research Methods students, just so they can see what good style is about. If I’m a decent writer at all, it’s because I learned from you, in a manner of speaking.” She breathed deeply, gathering her courage. “I’d love to do this project with you. I can’t even begin to thank you for the opportunity, Dr. Kahn. Kit will be green over it,” she laughed, relaxing a bit.

 

“It’s her turn to be the one envying you, then. I can tell, when she talks about Kieran and Naomi, how much you envy her relationship with them. Aren’t you pretty close to them, too?” she asked gently.

 

“I guess as close as I can be, but I’m just Kit’s girlfriend. She’s their daughter. I’ve never seen anyone love their kid the way Kieran loves Kit. It’s enough to make anyone jealous. Not that I begrudge Kit that, because I don’t—God, she’s had a hard, traumatic life, and she deserves this happiness with them. And I know in her own way, Kieran does love me. But it’s still not the same,” she admitted, finally eating her breakfast. Before Lenara could ask about Emily’s family, which Emily knew she was about to do, Emily perked up and said “So when can we get started? Thirty-seven years is a lot to cover,” she teased the Trill.

 

“Why don’t we make it a regular dinner date—on—when is Kit at her Kung-Fu practice? I don’t want to take you away from her,” she smirked.

 

“She spars on Wednesday nights,” Emily offered. “But this is important to me—I can make time whenever you want.”

 

“Wednesday nights would be fine. You pick a different restaurant every week, and that way, I can find all the best ones in town. I’ll get a holorecorder from the Academy supply, and we can just talk and record everything. How’s that?” Lenara finished her coffee, wiping daintily at her lips.

 

“That’d be perfect,” Emily smiled. “We’re going to be late for my class, if we don’t leave right now,” she added.

 

______________________

 

Kit McCallister came out of the shower, wrapping her towel around herself, making her way to the her locker beside the teams’ section. Kit practiced daily with the team, and she was very excited that they had been invited to the ICAA tournament. It was the first time since Kieran Thompson’s senior year that they had been asked to the “big dance”.  Kit felt privileged to be able to work out with them, even if she wasn’t allowed to scrimmage.

 

Historically, the NCAA tournament had been held every March, but when the format changed to an International one, the season was extended, and now the tournament fell in early April. Kieran’s team had obtained their invitation by virtue of their outstanding record, since they didn’t have a conference tournament to determine who would make the cut.

 

Shane Bilbrey emerged from the steamy stalls, spotted the pre-cadet, and took off her towel to snap Kit in the butt with it. Kit nearly jumped into her locker, but though she dropped her own towel, her reflexes were good, and her peripheral vision was better, and she snatched the end of Shane’s towel, yanking on it sharply.

 

Shane lost her balance, falling into Kit, pinning her against the locker. Shane’s arm was still wrapped in the cotton terry cloth, her body naked and pressed against Kit’s.

 

“Now that you’ve caught me, what are you going to do with me?” she asked Kit, her tone suggestive.

 

Kit was taken aback by the unabashed lust in Shane’s tone, and instantly dropped the end of Shane’s towel.  “I have a girlfriend,” Kit stammered, trying to extricate her naked body from Shane’s.

 

“So do I.” Shane leaned in closer. “Don’t let that stop you. It wouldn’t stop me,” she said with a leer, jamming herself against Kit and the metal door.

 

“Bilbrey,” the unmistakable sound of the Coach’s voice echoed through the locker room. “Are you harassing my daughter?” she demanded.

 

Shane gave Kit a feral grin. “No, Coach,” she tried to smile sweetly. “I fell into her, that’s all.” Under her breath she said, “Come to my quad and we’ll celebrate your eighteenth birthday my way. You are so fucking cute,” she emphasized the work fucking, so that it sounded more like “fuckably cute”. She stepped back, careful not to slip on the wet floor. Loud enough for Kieran to hear, she said “You okay Kit? Sorry to be so clumsy.”

 

Kit was blushing furiously, trying to regain her composure. She fumbled for her clothes, put her shirt on backwards, forgot her bra, and had to sit down to order her thoughts.

 

Kieran watched with a mix of concern and amusement. Shane had been flirting with Kit all semester, and now that Kit was legally approachable, Shane showed every sign of making good on that flirtation.

 

“Kit,” Kieran called out, “get dressed and come in my office,” she ordered her daughter, no hint of disapproval in her demeanor.

 

Kit obediently dressed amid cat-calls and jibes.

 

“Hey birthday girl,” she heard someone say, “Shane will blow out your candles for you.”

 

“Hey Shane, she’s not jail bait anymore,” someone else laughed. “You could lick the icing off her—cake.”

 

Naomi Wildman and Jenny Calvert exchanged disgusted looks at the hazing. “Honestly,” Jenny scowled, “what a bunch of pervs.”

 

Naomi smiled warmly at her friend. “Thanks for not being one of them. I know there’s a lot of social pressure on this squad. Kit needs to know not everyone is going to tease her.”

 

Jenny shrugged, her frost-white eyes sympathetic. “I was a pre-cadet when I met Rick. I know how much the cadets give the pre-cadets shit, and it’s not fair. You won’t catch me harping on her. She’s a great kid.”

 

Kit hurried into Kieran’s office, blocking out the lurid comments, slamming the door behind her.

 

“Sit down, sweetie.” Kieran waved her into a chair. “Is Shane bothering you?” she asked gently.

 

Kit hesitated, then shook her head. “Nothing I can’t handle. She just wants to get me into bed, so she can tell everyone she did me,” Kit replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

 

Kieran swallowed hard, thinking she’d run Shane’s ass in practice until she didn’t have the energy to think about sex, let alone come near Kit. “How do you feel about that?” she asked faintly.

 

Kit grinned. “She’s pretty cute, but I’ve got a good thing with Emily. I’m not going to wreck that for somebody like Shane.”

 

Kieran nodded, relieved. “Good. I would hope that if you wanted to pursue something with Shane, you’d tell Emily first. That’s only fair, Kit.”

 

“I know, Mom. I wouldn’t do that to Ems. Shane doesn’t want to be with me—well, not for more than a one night stand. I’m not stupid,” she grinned. “But I like that you want to protect me,” she added, smiling. “I told her I have a girlfriend.”

 

Kieran leaned back in her chair, studying her daughter. “I don’t mean to stick my nose in your personal life, Kit. You know if you and Emily split up, that’s entirely your decision and I’ll support you.”

 

“We’re not splitting up,” Kit restated. “Unless you know something I don’t. I love her. I don’t really feel any need to look elsewhere. She’s sweet, and smart, and pretty, and fun, and I love being with her. Shane’s probably great in the sheets, but as a person, she’s lacking on a lot of levels,” she noted wisely.

 

Kieran smiled. “Your maturity never ceases to amaze me. But if Bilbrey gets to be too much, I want you to tell me, okay?”

 

“Sure, Mom,” Kit agreed. She smiled warmly at her mother. “I’m meeting Ems at the library, and I’m walking her to my party,” she added, shouldering her backpack. “I love you. And now I get to call you Mom whenever I want,” she stated for the record.

 

“I’m glad.” Kieran came around the desk to hug her. “I love you, too. And I’m so proud to have you for my daughter.” She kissed Kit’s forehead lovingly. “Don’t be late. The paperwork will be waiting, as will the officer of the court. And Naomi and I have something special for your birthday.” She quirked an eyebrow mysteriously.

 

Kit hugged her tightly. “Like being adopted isn’t enough? It’s everything, KT,” she murmured.

 

_________________

 

Kit met Emily outside the library, jogging up to greet her.

 

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” Emily grabbed her and hugged her enthusiastically. “Do you feel older?”

 

Kit waggled her eyebrows. “I don’t know. Feel me and tell me if you think so.”

 

Emily kissed her, holding Kit’s face in her hands. “I’d love to feel you all over me,” she agreed. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

 

“You’d better,” Kit said playfully, twining her arms around the smaller woman’s waist. “I know what I want for my birthday from you,” she flirted.

 

Emily blushed prettily. “I told you I would.” She hid her face in Kit’s neck. “Only you have to promise you won’t be too critical, because I’m new at it,” she said softly.

 

“Ems.” Kit took her hands and stepped back. “If you’re not ready, it’s really okay. I’ve just been teasing you.”

 

“You mean you don’t want me to?” Emily looked disappointed.

 

It was Kit’s turn to blush. “Of course I do, if you really want to. But if you’d rather wait—”

 

Emily kissed her tenderly to silence her. “We’ve waited long enough. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time,” she assured her, breathless at the thought. “Come on, let’s go get you adopted.” She held fast to Kit’s hand.

 

They wandered through campus and down the streets of the city, into the neighborhood where Kieran and Naomi lived. All the way they held hands, talking quietly, joking and laughing together. Kit felt so light and so happy, she was sure her feet never touched the sidewalk. She was going to be a Wildman. And everyone would have to stop calling her McCallister. She glanced over at her lover, thinking about how much she adored Emily, and how good it felt to be able to share this moment with her.

 

The house was already filled with family and friends, and Kit was engulfed in hugs as she came home. The living room was filled with presents and with people she loved. Gretchen had come from Indiana, and Kathryn was also in town. Harry and Phoebe arrived with Kathryn, and Seven had been waiting for all of them when they beamed in. Noah and B’Elanna brought Katie, who was going to officially be Kit’s half-sister, and most of Kieran’s team also came. Kate Pulaski was already comfortably on the couch, well on her way to pleasant inebriation.

 

Several of Kit’s friends from Palatine, including Reese, arrived as a special surprise for the only Wildman child, and some of Kit and Emily’s classmates from pre-Academy were in attendance, as well. Robin Lefler slipped in at the last minute, almost knocking Lenara Kahn into Kieran’s backside. Kit had been working with Lenara in her lab one day a week, and the scientist was totally impressed with the younger woman. Kit had insisted that the Trill come to the party, and Lenara agreed, even though she was worried it might be awkward.

 

Kit felt like she had a huge network of friends and family, especially when Violet and Gerry Thompson arrived, saying they wouldn’t miss it for anything. Kieran kept busy filling glasses and answering questions for everyone. Naomi answered the door as more well wishers arrived, including Neelix and the assistant Coaches from Kieran’s team, and finally Admiral Brand with the officer of the court.

 

“Could I have your attention, everyone?” Kieran called out, sounding like a Coach. “Naomi and I would like to say a few things,” she raised her champagne glass. “Today is Kit’s eighteenth birthday, and as such, she’s decided to let us adopt her officially,” she announced, amid cheers and applause.

 

Naomi smiled and picked up the train of thought. “Kit.” She smiled warmly at her daughter, “I never thought I’d have a child older than me,” she laughed, as did the assembled guests, “but you couldn’t feel more like my family. Kieran and I are just thrilled to pieces today, and we love you more than words can express.” She got a bit misty eyed, but managed to complete her portion of the speech.

 

Kieran nodded. “I couldn’t have asked for a more exemplary daughter, Kit. And I couldn’t love you more. Thank you for making this one of the best days of my life,” she choked on the words, her face working. “Come sign this document,” she ordered, struggling to maintain her composure and pulling Kit from Emily’s arms, watching anxiously as Kit affixed her thumbprint to the adoption papers.

 

The officer of the court smiled, and pointed. “Kieran, you sign here. And Naomi, right here,” he said softly.

 

They each in turn pressed their thumbs to the electronic recorder, and then slipped an arm each around Kit.

 

The officer read over the document. “The adoption is official. I’m changing your name in the central record system to Kittner Kyle Wildman. By the power vested in me by the state of California, you are the legally adopted child of Kieran and Naomi Wildman. Congratulations.” He held out his hand to give her the official document.

 

Kit looked at it, awed. “Wow, it’s really Wildman,” she murmured, looking at the record in the database. She gazed up at Kieran, as if no one else existed. “We have the same initials, Mom,” she laughed happily.

 

Kieran hugged and kissed her, as did Naomi. “Everyone,” Kieran raised her glass. “To our daughter, Kit Wildman. Happy birthday, honey.” She drank the entire glass, as did their guests. “Now, go clean your room,” she added, making everyone laugh.

 

Kit was fairly overwhelmed by the cheering and the pats on the back, but the cake did her in. She got broken up the second Seven carried it out. It read “It’s A Girl: Happy Birthday Kit Wildman”.  Emily had to help her compose herself, she was so touched. The cake even had glazed sugar baby booties beside the huge butter cream roses and the 18 candles.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Emily assured her, brushing the tears from her cheeks. “You’re official, now,” she smiled, kissing her.

 

Kieran grabbed her daughter into a fierce hug. “I love you, kiddo,” she said in her ear. “You may be my daughter, but you’ll always be my hero,” she added.

 

Kit looked up at her through thick lashes, heavy with droplets of pure joy. “And you’ll always be my hero, Mom,” she promised.

 

If Kit was overwhelmed at the satisfaction of finally belonging to someone who really, truly wanted her, she was almost as overwhelmed at the shower of gifts from her friends and family. She was excited that almost everything she got had something to with diving at the Great Barrier Reef, and she promised everyone that if she ever got to go for real, she would put all the guides and equipment and new clothes to good use.  Kieran and Naomi just kept smiling at each other.

 

“Kit, did you open everything?” Kieran asked, grinning wickedly.

 

Kit looked around at the piles of presents. “I would hope so,” she laughed. “You’re going to have to build an addition to the house, as it is,” she teased.

 

“What did you get from your mothers?” Seven asked pointedly, on cue.

 

“Ummm—a new name,” she nodded emphatically. “I told them that’s all I ever wanted from them.”

 

“Are you sure?” Seven asked again.

 

Kit nodded. “I think so, Seven.” She looked at the Borg in confusion.

 

Seven pawed around through the wrapping paper debris, pulling out a small unopened box. “You need to be more exacting,” Seven scolded her. “I think you missed something.”

 

Seven had slipped it under the rubble while Kit was paging through a guide to the reef.

 

“You guys.” Kit looked at them. “You didn’t have to do this,” she murmured, but tore into the paper anyway. “Oh my God,” she breathed. “I’m going! I’m going!” she whooped, jumping up holding the PADD with her tickets and her tour information. She grabbed Naomi and Kieran. “You guys are too much,” she crowed. “Is this for real?”

 

“It’s for real,” Naomi promised. “You can thank Emily. She gave me the idea,” she said fondly. “You can take a guest with you, too, sweetie. The reservations are for two.”

 

Kieran nodded. “Na taught Emily to swim, so you two could go together. Every kid deserves a big trip before entering the Academy.” She tousled Kit’s hair affectionately, delighted at her overwhelmed reaction to the gift.

 

“Honest? We both get to go?” Kit was stunned. “Ems, come here,” she grabbed the willowy woman. “Look at this. We’re going down under.” She hugged her tightly. “Is this amazing or what?”

 

“Ultra-amazing,” Emily agreed, looking over the itinerary. “Kit, this is a whole tour of the country, not just diving at the reef,” she pointed out. “My God,” she breathed, “look at all these stops.” She shook her head. “Are you sure you want me to go with you, and not one of your Moms?”

 

Kit looked at her reproachfully. “How can you even ask that?”

 

“When can we leave?” Emily laughed, bursting with excitement.

 

Kieran scowled playfully at her. “Not until school is out for summer, Miss Missy,” she warned, hugging Emily to her. “And then only if you both get good enough grades that you don’t have to repeat any classes,” she teased, knowing both of the girls had high marks in all their classes.

 

They talked awhile longer about the trip, and everyone at the party had to look at the itinerary. Kieran slipped away to where Reese was standing. “Did you get it?” she asked faintly.

 

Reese nodded. “You gave me a lot more money than it cost, KT,” she advised. “I have to do a credit voucher back to your account.” She dug in her pocket, pulling out a small box. “Kit’s going to love it. We looked at these together all last year, and dreamed about the ones we’d get if we could afford them,” she smiled.

 

“Did you get the one you wanted?” Kieran asked softly.

 

“The one I wanted was almost as much as Kit’s. My parents said no way.” She rolled her eyes. “I haven’t picked an alternate yet.”

 

Kieran put an arm around her. “Then keep the money. Get your parents to agree which one they’ll foot the bill for, and then kick in what’s left of my funds, and that should get you the one you want, shouldn’t it?” she offered, grinning.

 

Reese’s eyes went wide. “It’d be more than enough, but I can’t do that, KT. I didn’t do anything to earn it,” she protested.

 

“You came all the way from Palatine, and you arranged to do this for Kit. That’s enough, in my book,” she assured her. “It would make me happy to do it, Reese,” she urged her.

 

Reese smiled weakly. “Well, okay, KT. If you’re sure.”

 

“Thanks.” Kieran squeezed her. “I’m going to give this to Kit now.”

 

She crept through the crowd of people talking over cake and ice cream, making her way to her daughter, who was telling Admiral Brand all about brain coral, and how important it is to a reef ecosystem.

 

“My grandfather and grandmother,” Kit said proudly, “are marine biologists,” she advised the Admiral. “Grandpa Gerry told me all about reefs,” she added.

 

Admiral Brand was certain she had never seen a happier teenager in her life. She was astonished at the changes in Kit since she had first met with her, when Kieran was trying to recruit her.

 

“Admiral?” Kit said quietly. “I never told you how grateful I am that you wanted to recruit me. I’d have never met Kieran, if not for you,” she added, taking the older woman’s hand unassumingly.

 

The Admiral smiled warmly, thinking how small Kit’s hand felt in her own, even though Kit was far taller than her. “You were our number one target, Kit,” she promised her. “And the fact that Kieran ended up adopting you isn’t anything to thank me for,” she chuckled.

 

“Yes, Ma’am, it is something to thank you for. You changed my life forever,” she disagreed.

 

Admiral Brand squeezed her hand. “I’m glad it worked out that way,” she said fondly.

 

“Hey you.” Kieran slid her arms around her daughter. “I have a very belated graduation present for you.”

 

Kit laughed. “Like there’s anything else left in the known worlds I could ever want?” she asked.

 

“Oh, I know for a fact you want this. I have it on highest authority,” she chuckled softly, holding out the box in her palm.

 

“KT,” Kit scolded, “what’d you do now?” She shook her head. She opened the lid, glancing inside. “Oh my gosh, how did you know?” She was stunned. It was her high school class ring. The one Kenny and Grace McCallister had told her was far too expensive, and that she could never have. “It’s exactly the one I wanted,” she breathed. “Only Reese knew about it, so she must have told you.” Kit took the gold ring from it’s nest. The flat face of the ring had the Palatine logo superimposed on a large background of diamond, and one side of the band had Kit’s initials—KW—and the year of her graduation. The other side of the band had small logos for the sports she had played. Inside the thick band, her name was inscribed. She put it on. “It fits perfectly,” she advised her mother. “I can’t believe you did this. Thank you.” She hugged Kieran around the neck.

 

Kieran whispered in Kit’s ear. “You have to promise me you won’t give it to Emily for at least three months, okay?”

 

Kit laughed. “I may never ask her to wear it, I love it so much.”

 

 

Emily Frazier was off in a corner, talking to Lenara Kahn, trying to evade her questions as much as possible. She couldn’t get past the fear that if Lenara found out about her background, the Trill wouldn’t want Emily’s name affilated with her prestigous career, and certainly not on the cover of her biography. Even in the modern age, there was a perceived stigma to being unwanted by your own family, shuttled from place to place.

 

Lenara was getting frustrated. “Ems,” she said plaintively, holding the younger woman’s hand, “I’ve been spilling my life to you for the past few weeks, and I really do want to know you, too. Why can’t I ever get you to talk about yourself?” she urged, squeezing her hand.

 

“There’s just nothing worth telling you about,” Emily insisted, squirming inwardly. “Nothing important ever happened to me until I came to the Academy. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about my life here, but my life before is just boring.”

 

Lenara bit her lip. There was something very wrong about the defensiveness in Emily’s demeanor. “What about your parents? Your siblings?”

 

“I don’t have any siblings,” Emily stated honestly, not that I know of, anyway. “My mother’s name is Alice, my father’s name was Frederick. He’s dead—died when I was three. Mom had no real career to speak of,” she recited what little she knew about her family. “Everyone was grateful I could even get into the pre-Academy program. My high school guidance counselor didn’t think I could pass the entrance exams. But I did,” she said proudly. “I grew up in the inner city in L.A.,” she could say that much honestly. “I did the things all kids do—I took karate lessons for awhile, I went to summercamp,” yeah, for underprivileged kids, paid for by the county welfare services, “end of story.”

 

Lenara nodded. “Okay,” she decided to let it slide, but she knew there was something Emily was leaving out, something significant. “I think I want some cake. How about you?”

 

Emily agreed, relieved. “I’ll get it for you,” she offered. “Be right back.”

_________________

 

Kit was in the kitchen, cleaning up some of the mess from the party, though there were still people mingling in the living room. She was startled when Shane Bilbrey came into the kitchen.

 

“I didn’t see you at the party, before.” Kit loaded a pile of dishes into the recycling unit. She took a deep breath, immediately uncomfortable around the older girl. Kit smelled alcohol. “You’ve been drinking,” she accused.

 

Shane shrugged. “It’s Friday night,” she reasoned. “Everybody does it on the weekends,” she leaned smugly against the kitchen sink. “Nice pile of loot you got there, Kit,” she slurred. “I came to give you one last birthday present.” She dug into her pocket. “This opens my quad.” She gave her a security chit. “I want you to come by some night, and let me wish you a happy birthday properly. For now, I’m just giving you this.” She pressed it into Kit’s hand, “And this,” she grabbed Kit’s shoulders and kissed her forcefully. When she broke the kiss, she said “Now do you remember? Did you ask Penny?”

 

Kit looked up at her with deeply troubled eyes. “I asked her. She told me I was all over you. But I told you, Shane, I have a lover.”

 

“Oh, she’s a LOVER, now, is she? Earlier today, she was just your girlfriend,” Shane reminded her.

 

“She’s been my lover since Spring Break. And I’m in love with her.” Kit pushed her away. “And it’s exclusive.”

 

“Then how come your heart is pounding so loud I can hear it over the party?” Shane asked pointedly. “And how come you’re blushing?”

 

“Go away, Shane.” Kit walked away from her, going back into the living room. She found Emily talking to Naomi, and slipped up behind her, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman.

 

“Hi sweetie.” Emily rested her arms on Kit’s. “Are you having fun?”

 

Kit hid her face in Emily’s shoulder. “Yep,” she said shortly.

 

Naomi looked intently at Kit. “Hey, can you give me a hand in the kitchen, for a second?” she asked her daughter.

 

“Sure,” Kit agreed. “Will you excuse us, Ems?”

 

Naomi took Kit’s hand, leading her out of the remaining guests. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly. “You look really upset.”

 

Kit nodded. “I’m okay, but I think I need some motherly advice,” she admitted. “But you can’t say anything to Kieran, or she’ll be ripshit,” she warned.

 

Naomi nodded. “Let’s go out by the pool.” She led Kit out the sliding glass doors. They wandered to the diving board, where they seated themselves facing each other. “What’s going on?”

 

Kit took Naomi’s hands. “There’s this girl on the team,” she began. “She keeps flirting with me, and I keep telling her I’m with Emily, and she won’t cut it out,” Kit confided. “Tonight, she gave me the security chit for her room, and told me to come over so she can properly wish me a happy birthday. And then she kissed me.”

 

Naomi nodded, understanding. “I’ve had that problem myself,” she sympathized.

 

Kit hung her head. “But that’s not the worst part, Na.” She contemplated the pool, wanting to drown herself. “Before I started dating Emily, that night I got drunk? I was with that girl—I don’t think we slept together, but we—we—well, someone told me I was crawling all over her.”

 

“Hey,” Naomi said softly, squeezing her hands. “That was before you had any commitments to anyone, and you were falling down drunk. Nobody should be treating your behavior that night as if it means anything right now, least of all that girl.”

 

“How do I get her to leave me alone?” Kit seemed desperate.

 

Naomi considered. “Are you sure you want her to?” she hit the nail on the head.

 

Kit hung her head. “No. I’m not sure. She scares hell out of me, but she also—really gets me worked up.”

 

Naomi bit her lip. “Honey, I want to point something out to you about this situation, and maybe I’m way off base, but I think it needs to be said. She’s manipulating you. And it’s punching your abuse buttons,” she noted insightfully. “Think about it. You’re saying no, and she’s not listening. It’s a similar dynamic to you and your uncle.”

 

Kit’s head snapped up. “Oh shit,” she breathed. “You’re right. She makes me feel like he used to—scared and excited and dirty, all at the same time. Oh, God, what is wrong with me? Why would I be drawn to—to—that?” She instinctively drew her knees to her chest into a semi-fetal position.

 

“It’s an insidious pattern, Kit,” Naomi agreed. “You need to make firm boundaries with her, and keep saying no, emphatically.”

 

Kit looked miserable. “I’m not sure I can, Na. When she’s in my face, I just get immobile.”

 

“Maybe you should tell Kieran, then,” Naomi suggested. “She’ll kill her.”

 

“No, you promised,” she asserted. “Kieran would kill her, and we’d lose in the first game of the tourney.”

 

“Look, Kit, do you want me to say something to her? I know it’s Shane Bilbrey. I’ve watched her hounding you in practice,” she confessed.

 

“What would you say?” Kit needed to know.

 

“I could tell her why she needs to back off,” Naomi supplied.

 

“No, absolutely not.” She unfolded herself and stood to go. “Forget I said anything. I’ll handle it.”

 

“Kit? Will you do something for me?” Naomi asked softly.

 

“Sure, what?” she hesitated.

 

“Give me the security chit,” she held out her hand, “so you’re not tempted.”

 

Kit thought momentarily. “Okay.” She dug it out of her pocket and deposited it in Naomi’s hand. “That’s a good idea.”

 

Back inside the house, Shane Bilbrey sat with Emily on the hearth of the fireplace, talking quietly.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Shane was saying, “Kit and I are really close. She talks about you all the time,” she lied. She waggled her eyebrows. “Have you got something special planned for her birthday?”

 

Emily’s face flushed crimson. “Yeah, something pretty special,” she admitted.

 

“I just bet you do.” Shane leaned closer to her. “You can tell me, Emily. Kit will, anyway,” she lied.

 

“Well,” Emily smiled mischievously, “we’ve just been—saving certain—aspects of our relationship for the right time,” she confided. “Has she mentioned that to you?”

 

“She has, in fact,” Shane tried to sound like Emily’s best buddy. “I think that’s quaint,” she decided. “Very sweet. So tonight is the big night you’re going to—?”

 

Emily nodded. “I’m really nervous, though. I mean, we’ve done a lot of things, but never that.” She fanned herself. “It seems like a really big step,” she added. “You’re older. How do you know when you’re ready to make love to someone that way?”

 

“If you have to ask, kid,” Shane oozed warmth, “you aren’t ready. You’d better tell Kit that. She’s a great kid, she’ll understand. She’s probably not ready, either. You’re young. You should take your time. You’re pretty satisfied with the things you two already do, aren’t you?”

 

“Oh, yes,” Emily assured her. “I’m not in any hurry to—do more,” she floundered.

 

“Then don’t do more.” Shane smiled smugly. “Just because it’s her birthday doesn’t mean you have to do something out of the ordinary,” she counseled, satisfied immensely with herself.

 

___________________

 

The party broke up after midnight sometime, and Kit and Emily cleaned up the mess the guests had left, recycling dishes while Kieran and Naomi gathered up wrapping paper, put cake under stasis lids, and organized Kit’s presents so she could put them away. The couple collapsed on the couch, worn out.

 

“I always heard having a baby was exhausting,” Naomi joked. “And this one came without contractions.”

 

Kieran grinned. “Are you ready to go to bed, Mommy?”

 

“I was ready an hour ago,” she agreed. “Let’s kiss the baby goodnight, though.”

 

They stole into the kitchen, where Emily and Kit were no longer cleaning up.

 

“Ahem,” Kieran cleared her throat. “We’d like to say goodnight, if you two can come up for air,” she teased. She hugged Emily. “Ems, sleep well.” She kissed her hair. “Kit,” she chuckled, “try to get at least an hour of sleep.” She squeezed her amorous daughter. “Not that I think you’ll listen.”

 

Kit grinned. “I heard you. I’ll probably ignore you, but I definitely heard you.”

 

“Don’t listen to her.” Naomi kissed Kit’s cheek. “You can sleep ‘til noon tomorrow, if you want.” She enfolded Emily. “You, have the best night you’ve ever had,” she said knowingly.

 

The Wildmans climbed the stairs to their bedroom, smiling at each other as they passed Seven’s door, and overheard Kathryn saying “God, Seven,” in an agonized voice.

 

“Well, this is one busy household,” Kieran smirked. “Are you really, really tired, or can I interest you in making some noise of our own?”

 

Naomi took Kieran’s hand. “I’m always up for making noise with you, honey.”

 

__________________

 

Kit and Emily sat together in bed, looking at the travel PADD.

 

“I can’t believe they did this,” Emily murmured. “I’ve never been anywhere, except to Florida  with you,” she advised.

 

“I told you, Kieran is always giving me stuff. Everything I ever mentioned that I wanted or needed, anything I told her Kenny and Grace wouldn’t do for me—she’s done it all. It’s like she’s trying to make up for everything that happened. The funny thing is, she could never give me anything but her love, and that would be enough,” Kit said sincerely. “I love them both so much.” She smiled softly. “It’s going to be a blast, Ems,” she promised. “And I’m going to have you to myself for two whole weeks,” she hugged her. “Have you heard anything on the summer internship?”

 

Emily nodded. “I didn’t get it. It went to a third year cadet. I would go back to the orphanage, but now that I graduated high school, I can’t. I guess when we get back from the trip, I’ll have to find a job. It was nice of Kieran to offer to let me stay here,” she noted.

 

“You could come to Indiana with us,” Kit said hopefully. “We could study together. I know the Moms will say yes, Ems. Let me ask them.”

 

“I don’t know, sweetie. They didn’t adopt both of us,” she protested. “I really don’t want to be away from you. But I have to earn some money for school next year. The Academy may pay for the whole ride, but that doesn’t take care of incidentals—pizza at the library, entertainment, dates with my girlfriend,” she pointed out. “If I go to Indiana, I won’t be earning any money.”

 

Kit hugged her. “Then let your girlfriend buy the pizza and pay for the dates, next year. I haven’t even touched my annuity disbursements. Kieran said I could do whatever I want with that money. I can endow a scholarship for you,” she giggled.

“I can’t take money from you, Kit. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but what if you get sick of me, and we break up? Then what? I watched that girl from your team checking you out all night. You’re so gorgeous, there must be a zillion other cadets who are after you. I can’t count on our being together,” she said gently.

 

“Sure you can, Ems. I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, kissing her.

 

“I saw how you looked at her,” she tried not to sound accusatory. “You’re attracted to her.”

 

“Ems,” Kit stressed, “she may be cute, but I’m in love with you.”

 

Emily studied her earnest expression, and was won over, as always, by golden eyes. “You are?”

 

“God, yes.” Kit grabbed her, hugging her tightly. “Please, come to Indiana with us. It’s the best idea of them all.”

 

Emily considered. “Talk to your mothers, and if they say it’s okay, I’ll think about it.”

 

Kit smiled. “I love you, Ems. And you know what? I think what we were going to do tonight? We should wait until Australia.”

 

Emily seemed relieved. “Okay. Then we’re sure to have privacy.”

 

_____________________

 

Kit was heading for Kieran’s office on campus when she was accosted by Shane Bilbrey outside the student union.

 

“Hey, birthday girl,” she called out, snagging Kit’s arm. “I waited for you Saturday night. You didn’t show up,” she grinned, inches from Kit’s face. She backed her into the building, one hand on either side of her head. “It hurt my feelings. I was so disappointed. You don’t want to disappoint me, do you Kit?”

 

Kit’s heart nearly failed. Kenneth McCallister had said that very thing to her a hundred times when she tried to refuse his sexual overtures. “I—didn’t mean to,” she automatically replied.

 

“Good. I didn’t think so. You could come tonight.” She leaned in closer, almost kissing Kit. “I have something special planned for you. Something I bet your lover hasn’t ever done to you,” she sneered.

 

Kit’s pulse was screaming in her veins. “You—do?”

 

“Mmmm, do I,” Shane said seductively. “See, I met Emily, and well, Kit, she seemed awfully uninitiated,” she said breathily. “I bet she’s never put her face between your legs. Does she do that to you, Kit?”

 

“Does she—?” Kit was stuck in the pattern.

 

“Does she go down on you, Kit?” Shane looked reptilian to Kit. “Does she let you staddle her face and does she love you with her mouth? Because I will,” she promised, sliding her hands down the wall and taking Kit’s waist in her hands. “I want to be the one to teach you what that feels like,” she breathed, pulling Kit against her. “Does she use her tongue to make you come, Kit? I’ll bet she never has, has she?”

 

Kit swallowed hard, her heart thundering. “No,” she said in a half-whisper.

 

“I bet you’re dying to find out what that feels like, aren’t you?” she said softly. “You’d love to have my face between your thighs right now, wouldn’t you? I’ll make you forget you even know her name,” she vowed. “Come to my room, Kit Wildman. I’ll show you what Wild means.” She touched Kit’s lips with her finger tip.

 

Kit flashed back on Kenneth McCallister. She winced with the memory. He used to say explicit things to her, make her tell him how much she liked the horrid things he did to her. And it struck her. Nothing Emily had ever done or said made Kit think about abuse or her abuser. And with Shane, she couldn’t think of anything else.

 

She remembered Naomi’s words. You need to make firm boundaries with her, and keep saying no, emphatically.

 

“You know, Shane,” Kit began, putting her hand in Shane’s chest, gently. “I got stung by a jelly fish over Spring Break,” she murmured. “Have you ever seen a Portugese Man-of-War?”

 

Shane was bewildered by the change of topic, but shook her head.

 

“You remind me of one, Shane,” she said softly. “You’re intriguing, alluring, even beautiful,” she admitted. “But you’re toxic, and I’m not going to let myelf get close enough to you to let you sting me. I was abused for ten years by my uncle, and when you get in my face, you sound just like him.” She pressed firmly into Shane’s chest. “So back off, because I told you, I have a lover. I have a commitment. That might not mean shit to you, but it does to me. So take your filthy talk, and your twisted sense of attraction, and stuff it up your ass.” She shoved her hard, sending her sprawling.

 

“You little snot,” Shane growled, coming back for her.  Kit had her pinned against the wall in a nanosecond.

 

“You listen to me,” Kit hissed in her ear. “Kieran deserves a winning team, so I’d hate like hell to dislocate anything. But I’ve got three black belts. And if you ever touch me again, I’ll make you very, very sorry. No more grabbing my jersey, no more rubbing against me, and you’d better never try to kiss me again. Stay the fuck out of my personal space. Got it?” she twisted her arm roughly.

 

“Damn it, Kit,” Shane begged, “you’re hurting me.”

 

“Yeah? Well then show some fucking respect—for me, for my lover, hell, for yourself. Stop acting like a whore,” she hissed, grinding Shane against the wall once for good measure, then walking away.

 

Shane leaned heavily against the bricks, brushing the crumbled stone from the crevices of her skin where Kit had shoved her against the coarse material. She watched Kit heading for Kieran’s office in the Admin building, thinking she had played that one too aggressively. But she had seen the temptation in Kit’s eyes.

 

__________________

 

Emily Frazier came through campus on her way to her Astrometrics class, hoping she might run into Kit outside the student union, where she frequently saw her between classes about this time of day. She considered skipping class if she found Kit, just to spend some time with her. She wondered if Kit had spoken to Kieran and Naomi about the summer plans, and she wanted to know what their take on it had been. She came around a planter, and out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Kit’s familiar powder blue sweatshirt, the one she had stolen from Naomi so long ago.

 

Shane Bilbrey had Kit pressed against the side of the student union, moving against her in a blatant display of sexual seduction. Emily was riveted to the spot, straining her ears to hear what Shane was saying.

 

“Does she go down on you, Kit?” Shane asked Kit, delighted at the instantly heavy lidded expression Kit gave her.  “Does she let you staddle her face and does she love you with her mouth? Because I will,” she promised, sliding her hands down the wall and taking Kit’s waist in her hands, caressing her body gently. “I want to be the one to teach you what that feels like,” she breathed, pulling Kit against her. “Does she use her tongue to make you come, Kit? I’ll bet she never has, has she?”

 

Kit swallowed hard, her heart thundering. “No,” she said in a half-whisper, gazing up at Shane, mesmerized.

 

“I bet you’re dying to find out what that feels like, aren’t you?” she said softly. “You’d love to have my face between your thighs right now, wouldn’t you? I’ll make you forget you even know her name,” she vowed. “Come to my room, Kit Wildman. I’ll show you what Wild means.” She touched Kit’s lips with her finger tip.

 

Emily knew she was going to lose her breakfast if she stayed there a moment longer, and she ducked beneath the tree that filled the planter, rushing down the plaza away from the Admin building. She burst into tears, too blinded by them to see the people coming at her. She collapsed on a bench outside the physical sciences complex, dropping her backpack and hiding her face in her arms, propped on her knees. She cried soundlessly, her body shaking.

 

I knew I should have made love to her, that night. God, why did I let her talk me into waiting? Shane only told me to wait so she could have Kit for herself.  Kit has it bad for Shane. She doesn’t love me. She’d rather be with someone older, more experienced. She’ll probably want to take Shane to Australia. She studied the slender silver band on her finger, thinking of the day they had purchased it. It didn’t mean anything to her. And neither do I. I bet they’re on their way to Shane’s dorm right now, she thought miserably. She decided to go find out. Sure enough, both women were gone, and there was no trace of them on the plaza.

 

Emily sat down on a bench outside the Admin building, not remembering she had a class to go to, not caring about anything, except the piercing hurt in her chest. Kit was probably in bed with Shane. And it was only a matter of time until Kit broke it off with Emily.

_________________

 

Kieran Wildman typed in data for a scholarship application for a prospective cadet, humming to herself. She spotted Kit coming down the hallway outside her office, and turned from her workstation to greet her daughter. She made an agile move to sweep her daughter into a hug.

 

“Hello, Kit Wildman,” she used her daughter’s name fondly. “Have I told you yet today that I love you?”

 

Kit laughed. “You tell me every day, Mom.” She hugged Kieran back. “But I never get tired of hearing it,” she confessed, letting Kieran ruffle her hair. “You’re in a good mood,” she noted.

 

“Why wouldn’t I be? I have a beautiful wife, two amazing daughters, and a team poised for the ICAA tournament. Oh, and I got signed letters from the number two, three and four seeds on Admiral Brand’s hit list, today. That means I recruited the top four students Starfleet fingered for next year, counting you,” she bragged, making her way back to her seat.

 

Kit picked up the PADD from Kieran‘s desk. “You were going to show me that I’m on the top of the list,” she reminded her, as if she didn’t believe Kieran. Kit slipped into the seat on the other side of the desk.

 

“Yeah.” Kieran took the PADD from her daughter, scrolling the screen. “Here you go.” She handed it back.

 

“You weren’t just trying to build me up,” Kit murmured, reading Admiral Brand’s directive.

 

Kieran shook her head. “I don’t lie, Kit. But what brings you here mid-morning, kiddo? Don’t you have an appointment with Robin?”

 

“In fifteen minutes,” she agreed. “But I need to ask you something, first. Emily didn’t get that internship she wanted,” she mentioned, troubled.

 

“I know. I told her it was a long shot,” Kieran pointed out.

 

“Well, she’s really upset because she doesn’t want to be in San Fran all summer, alone. But she thinks she’d be imposing on us if she came to Indiana. Would it be an imposition?” Kit asked hopefully.

 

Kieran sighed. “What do you want, Kit? Are you asking me if she can stay with us? And is that what you want?”

 

Kit smiled warmly. “Of course, I want her with us. I love her, KT. Can she come?”

 

“Do you promise to work hard at your studies every day, and not spend all your time making out with her?” Kieran mock scolded.

 

“Hey,” Kit was offended, “I make out with her all the time now, and have my grades suffered?”

 

“I suppose not,” Kieran admitted. “You’ll keep working out with Naomi, too?”

 

“Cross my heart,” Kit agreed. “Please? You know I’ll be lost without her, Mom,” she persuaded.

 

Kieran grinned. “Yeah, so will I. I love her, you know. But I didn’t want to invite her until you asked, because I wanted it to be what you wanted, not just what I wanted. And guess what else?” she said, pleased with herself.

 

“What?” Kit leaned over her desk.

 

“I didn’t tell Ems, but I filled out like thirty scholarship applications for her, and she’s already gotten five of them,” Kieran whooped in self-congratulations. “Do I rule, or what?”

 

Kit laughed happily. “You rule the rulers,” she agreed. “How much are we talking about?”

 

Kieran grinned. “I can’t disclose it, but let’s just say she won’t need to work anytime in the next couple of years,” she boasted.

 

“Mom, you are something else,” Kit praised her. “Have you told her yet?”

 

“I was just going to meet her outside her Astro class, give her the news. And I’ll tell her she’s invited to Indiana for the summer, if you’re sure,” Kieran added, standing to go.

 

“I’m sure. And I’m sure about something else, too.” Kit smiled up at her mother. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” She slipped her arm around Kieran’s slender waist.

 

“Thanks, honey.” Kieran kissed the top of her head. “You’d better get moving, or you’re going to miss Robin, though,” she reminded her, guiding her out the door.

 

__________________

 

Robin Lefler brushed her hair behind her ears, nodding at her patient. "I think your making the connection between Shane and between your uncle is a crucial step in your recovery, Kit," she praised her. "And I'm so proud that you stood up to her. I would have been thrilled if you had simply identified the pattern, but to break it like that, that's just fantastic. I think you're making remarkable progress," she smiled winningly.

 

"Well, it helped that Naomi confiscated the security chit. Otherwise, I'd have probably already gone to Shane's quad. It was frightening, how compelled I felt to do that. Like I was obligated, or it was expected." Kit frowned, her golden eyes troubled at the realization.

 

"That's not surprising, really, considering you were conditioned from such an early age," Robin pointed out.

 

Kit nodded. "When I started to flash back on Uncle Kenny, though, that's what really made me wake up to what was going on. And I realized that I've never once flashed back when I'm with Emily. I think that's significant, don't you?"

 

"Yes," Robin agreed. "It tells me that she is uniquely your own chosen experience, and that she is emotionally, for you, separate from the abuse. And it sounds like you have a fairly healthy relationship with her, especially considering your ages." She fiddled with her PADD, making a couple of notes. "How is your relationship going with her?"

 

Kit smiled. "I love her so much. But I wish someone would help her, like Kieran and Naomi helped me. I feel bad that she doesn't have anyone."

 

"She has you, and that has to help. I also know Kieran is doing some things to help her out, or hasn't she told you?"

 

Kit nodded. “She told me today she’s been applying for scholarships for Emily. You knew about that?”

 

"I know because I wrote some of the recommendations."

 

"You know Emily?" she asked. "Well enough to write her a rec?"

 

Robin nodded. "I know her. I like her very much. I was happy to write them."

 

"That's great. I wonder why KT never mentioned she was trying to help Ems?"

 

"It's a fine line to walk, I imagine. You're Kieran's daughter, and her top priority. Romantic relationships at your age are fragile. I suspect she doesn't want there to be any question as to her allegiance in the event that you and Emily split up. And she wants you to make your own choices. It would be easy for her to influence your feelings about Emily, and she knows that. So she tries to stay out of it. She's a pretty smart woman, that way," Robin grinned.

 

Kit cocked her head to one side. "Do you ever kick yourself for not marrying her?"

 

Robin's eyes widened. "Exactly what did she tell you about that?"

 

"She said you married someone else, and probably never regretted it, because she was no prize, back then. She didn't sound bitter or anything—just kind of amused, I think," Kit wondered about it.

 

Robin’s brow furrowed. "She’s wrong on both counts. She was a prize, and I did regret it. I was young and very, very stupid, without any sense of priorities," Robin admitted. “I even tried to get her to give me another chance, right before she left on Voyager.”

 

Kit was stunned. “And she turned you down?” she asked, disbelieving. “How could she say no to you?”

 

Robin grinned. “You think I’m irresistible?” she laughed, eyes flashing.

 

Kit blushed faintly. “Yeah. You’re drop dead gorgeous,” she admitted. “KT never told me she had a shot at getting you back,” she murmured.

 

“I practically begged her—in fact, I think I did beg,” Robin recalled, chuckling. “But that's enough about me. The goal here is to make sure you don’t make quite so many stupid mistakes, in your life,” she teased.

 

“I don’t feel like I’ve made any mistakes, not since I got drunk, anyway,” Kit said seriously. “Shane is as close as I’ve come in a long time.”

 

“Ah, but you didn’t go down that road, and you should be very proud of that. I certainly am pleased at your insight and your restraint. Restraint is sometimes difficult for survivors to learn. It seems that promiscuity, spending sprees, and substance abuse are pitfalls for them. Impulse control is a tough lesson for people who have been abused.”

 

Kit’s face fell. “Am I falling into that trap because Emily and I sleep together?” she worried.

 

“I don’t think a committed, monogamous relationship qualifies as a problem with impulse control, Kit,” Robin assured her. “If you had let yourself give in to Shane, then I’d be more concerned. But you handled that situation exactly right.”

 

Kit nodded. “I do feel committed to Emily. Do you think we’re too young to be serious about each other?”

 

“Do you think so?” Robin turned it back on Kit, thinking This kid is so sweet. So cute.

 

“It doesn’t feel like we’re too young, to me, and I think we’ve taken certain things slower, considering how much leeway we’re given. I mean, Ems is allowed to stay at my house anytime I want her to, and that pretty much leaves the door open for whatever we want to do with each other.”

 

“You mean sexually?” Robin clarified.

 

“Yes. We don’t have to hide anything—I tell Kieran everything,” she smiled. “She’s totally okay with it.”

 

“Well, you’re both of legal age, and you have a good head on your shoulders. A lot of people younger than you are sexually active. I imagine Kieran understands the desire.”

 

“Oh, yeah, she gets it. You should hear her with Naomi!” she laughed. “Not that I listen,” Kit instantly asserted. “I just caught them in the pool, once.”

 

Robin smirked. “Well, as long as the relationship with Emily feels right to you, then I don’t think you’re too young.”

 

“How old do I have to be before I make it more—permanent?” Kit wanted to know. “I mean, I know legally, we could get married right now, but what’s the right age?”

 

Robin snorted. “If I knew that, I’d be telling fortunes in the Castro District,” she chuckled. “It’s individual, Kit. Have you talked about anything like that, with Emily?”

 

“Not yet. I think about it though—about asking her. I think she’d be scared, if I did, and I know I’m not really ready to do anything that deep, but I think about it—about what I would say, or where I would ask her.”

 

Robin smiled warmly. “I think it’s fine to think about those things, but don’t be in any hurry, yet. You have a long time in school, and you’re both going to change a lot over the next few years. First love is always the most idealistic, overpowering, and confusing. Sometimes, you have to practice a lot before you get it right.”

 

Kit nodded. “Like Kieran and B’Elanna. They were like a dry run for Kieran’s relationship with Naomi. But I can’t picture myself with anyone besides Emily. It’d take too much work to bring someone new up to speed on my history,” she noted wryly.

 

“There is that,” Robin agreed, grinning at the young girl.

________________

 

Kieran Wildman left her office to find Emily Frazier, hoping to catch her after her Astrometrics class. Kieran knew Kit and Emily’s schedules backwards and forwards, so that she could mentally keep track of them at all times. She knew it was overprotectiveness, but she couldn’t help herself. She whistled softly as she came down the last flight of stairs, strolling out into the sunshine, hands in her uniform pockets.

 

She spotted a lone figure on the empty plaza, huddled in a ball on a cement bench, wearing Kit’s letter jacket on a day that was much too warm for it. Emily was obviously distraught, her shoulders bent over her knees, face buried in Kit’s sleeves.

 

Kieran sat down on the bench beside her, not sure what to do. “Ems?” she asked softly, “honey, what’s wrong?” She reached gently beneath her chin and lifted it.

 

Emily’s face was stained with tears. “I’m going to miss you,” she said sadly. “Kit is going to break up with me.” She lay her face back down, too overwrought to muster any more tears.

 

“She is? What makes you say that?” Kieran demanded sympathetically.

 

Emily pounded her head against her arms, punishing herself. “She’s with Shane,” she reported. “I saw them together this morning.”

 

“That’s odd. Kit was just in my office a few minutes ago, sweetie. She didn’t say anything about Shane. In fact, she came to ask me if she could invite you to spend the summer with us in Indiana. I told her that would be great, and she seemed very, very happy about it.”

 

Emily appraised her skeptically. “She did?”

 

“Yes,” Kieran said confidently. “What exactly happened, sweetie? Can you tell me?” She put her arm around Emily, who proceeded to explain that right before her Astrometrics class, she came to look for Kit.

 

Emily poured out all of the vulgar, confrontational things Shane had said to Kit. Emily described the way they were standing, and how Kit seemed to be in a trance, she was so enticed by what Shane was saying to her.

 

Kieran understood immediately how the dynamic had effected Kit. She sublimated her cold fury, resolving to track Shane Bilbrey down and possibly beat her to a pulp. “Ems, do you trust me?” she asked the frightened, wounded girl.

 

Emily looked into kind brown eyes, eyes almost as beautiful as Kit’s. She nodded slowly.

 

“You know that I was Ship’s Counselor, on Voyager, right?” Kieran asked gently.

 

Emily nodded again. “Yes.”

 

“Well, there’s something you need to understand about how sexual abuse affects the victims,” she began. “If it starts at a very young age, it’s like brain washing, almost. The victim learns all sorts of conditioned behaviors, and the power dynamic is so imbalanced, the victim can be triggered on those learned behaviors very easily. The triggers and the behaviors become so ingrained, the response is automatic. If Shane said those things to Kit, Kit might have been triggering on an old response pattern. She might have been too stuck in the pattern to do anything, right away. It takes a lot of effort for a survivor to learn what triggers their responses, and how to break the pattern, and how to avoid the triggers. I know for a fact, Kit did not sleep with Shane, because Kit was in my office just a few minutes ago, and now she’s at Robin Lefler’s office. I also know she loves you, because she told me so just this morning.”

 

Emily’s eyes held a glimmer of hope. “She said so?”

 

“Yes, she did. I wouldn’t mislead you. I know my daughter, and I know that whatever games Shane is playing with her, Kit will catch on. Kit told me a long time ago that Shane just wants to get her into bed, so she can brag about it. Kit also told me that she would never do that to you, and she would never wreck what she has with you for someone like Shane,” Kieran said sincerely. “And I shouldn’t be telling you these things, because Kit’s confidence is very important to me, but I think she would want me to reassure you. She loves you so much, Ems. We all do. In fact, I personally think so much of you that I filled out dozens of scholarship applications, in anticipation that you’d end up coming to Indiana with us, and you’d need money for school after not working all summer. So far, I’ve gotten five award responses.” She smiled, pulling a PADD out of her back pocket. “Here’s the information—the scholarships, the amounts, the dates, and whether they pay one year or two consecutive years.”

 

Emily glanced at the PADD and then at Kieran. “You’re kidding me,” she breathed. “All this is for me?”

 

Kieran kissed her forehead. “It is.” She hugged her close. “Honey, please don’t assume anything about your relationship with Kit, until you ask her what that whole thing was about. I just can’t believe she’d ever do anything to hurt you. The night in Florida, when she found out you had been abused, she cried herself sick in my arms, she was so hurt for you. She kept telling me how she had to make it better, how she needed to fix it. She was more upset knowing someone had hurt you than she was when she told me about her own abuse. I really believe she loves you, Emily. It’s almost palpable, it’s so strong.  I think you should hear her out, sweetie. Don’t you?”

 

Emily held tightly to Kieran. “I want to believe you. I do. But it scares me that Shane is offering her things I don’t even know how to begin to offer. Things I know she wants.”

 

Kieran hugged her gently. “I think Kit is a smart girl. And I think she knows that whatever she wants from a lover, she wants those things in the context of a loving relationship, not just a frenzied one time thing. Shane may be offering things you can’t, yet, but that doesn’t mean Kit will value those things over all the love and closeness she shares with you. Kit’s a deeper person than that, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, Ems. I recognize the look, because it’s how I feel about my wife—like the world begins and ends with her.”

 

“Do you really think so?” Emily asked meekly. “I love her so much, KT. I don’t want to lose her,” she affirmed, dark eyes vulnerable and needing.

 

“I really think so. In fact, why don’t we get you cleaned up, and go take her to lunch? She should be finishing with Robin by the time we can get ready and walk over to the Counseling Center. I think you’ll know by her demeanor that she wasn’t with anyone else, and in her heart, she never has been,” Kieran urged her to trust.

 

“Okay,” Emily agreed, wiping her cheeks. “I bet I look a mess.”

 

“Yeah, you do,” Kieran affirmed, kissing her hair. “I want you to understand something, Emily. It’s very important.” She gave the young woman a penetrating look. “Kit is my daughter, and I’ll always put her first, right alongside Naomi and Katie. That’s the way it has to be. But I love you, and I care what happens to you, and I’m here for you. You can count on me, Ems, and I want you to trust that. Anytime you need to talk, contact me. My door is open, and so is my heart. Okay?” Kieran cupped Emily’s face in her hand, making the younger woman look at her.

 

Emily saw the sincerity in Kieran’s eyes, the earnestness, and it made her heart ache with need. She nodded mutely, afraid to say anything, for fear she would cry again. Finally she swallowed her reaction and said “Thank you.”

 

Kieran laughed. “You don’t have to thank me. You just have to trust me, and reach out to me when you need me. I promise, I’ll reach right back.”

 

Emily slipped her arms around Kieran’s neck, hugging her, and was pleased to find herself immediately engulfed in loving arms, just as Kieran had promised.

 

___________________

 

Kit Wildman spotted her mother and her lover heading toward her on the pathway outside the Counseling Center, and she was so overjoyed to see Emily, she ran the rest of the distance, gathering her up in an encompassing hug. “I am so glad to see you.” She pressed her face into Emily’s shoulder, breathing the scent of her body. “I’ve missed you all day,” she laughed happily. “Did Kieran tell you the good news?”

 

Emily was instantly relieved. Kit didn’t act like someone who had snuck off to be with some other girl. “She did.” Emily nodded eagerly. “I can’t believe it!”

 

Kit took her hand, hugging Kieran with her other arm. “You guys just had to see my shining face, huh?” she asked.

 

“Actually, we came to take you to lunch,” Kieran advised. “What are you in the mood for?”

 

Kit considered. “I don’t know. I’m starving—and everything sounds good. I just have to tell you guys—I had the best morning,” she practically skipped down the sidewalk. “Shane Bilbrey ran into me on campus, this morning, and she pulled her usual crap of trying to chat me up. Usually, when she does that, I just freeze, but today, oh man, she got more than she bargained for,” Kit crowed. “Robin was just beside herself with praise for me. Now don’t get upset, Mom, I didn’t break any of Shane’s bones or anything. But I think if you look really closely at her right cheek, you’ll see remnants of brick façade in her skin,” she laughed.

 

Kieran looked pointedly at Emily. “You jammed her face into a building?” she said without sounding the least bit sorry for Shane.

 

“I wouldn’t have, but she just said the nastiest things. God, she’s disgusting.” Kit smiled broadly. “I really told her off, and shoved her away, and that dumb ass actually tried to grab me again. Good ole Kenpo to the rescue.” She did a mock karate gesture. “I told her if she ever got in my personal space again she’d be very, very sorry. I also told her to stop disrespecting me and Emily, and herself. It was the most bizarre thing, Mom.” She gazed up at Kieran as they walked on. “All those times with Uncle Kenny, I kept waiting for that instinct to kick in—it never did. But today, finally, it bailed me out. She was acting just like he used to—and it just made me so angry. Robin says that means I’m getting better.” Kit smiled grandly.

 

Kieran tousled her hair. “That’s exactly what it means, honey. I’m so proud of you.” She hugged Kit close as they walked, smiling. “Is Shane going to be able to play this weekend, or did she need a stretcher?”

 

“Oh, no. When I had her in an armlock against the bricks, I told her you deserve a winning team, so I’d hate like hell to have to dislocate anything, for your sake. She begged me to let her go. I think she’s done flirting with me.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure she is,” Kieran agreed, knowing she was going to drive that particular point home herself with Cadet Bilbrey. “That’s great that you stood up for yourself, Kit. That takes a lot to break out of those patterns of helplessness. I know Shane’s been all over you this semester.”

 

“Hey, how about the Crab Shack?” Kit suggested. “I’m in the mood for shrimp scampi.” She could smell the restaurant from three blocks away.

 

“Okay with you, Emily?” Kieran asked, smiling reassurance at the dark-haired girl.

 

“Sounds perfect,” she agreed, squeezing Kit’s hand.

 

Kit kissed her cheek. “So we’re going to be living together this summer, eh? Think you can stand to be around me that much?”

 

Emily smiled warmly at her lover. “I don’t think I could stand it if I weren’t around you that much, sweetie,” she said, gazing through thick, dark eyelashes.  “Kieran got me enough in scholarship money that I don’t need to work, so there’s no reason I can’t go. I’m going to have to study for the placement exams though, same as you.”

 

“Yeah,” Kit scowled, “that sucks, but in between basketball practice and studying, we can go to Gran’s and eat caramel brownies, and swim in the pond, and run Orson all over the farm. And the rec center at the Ag Park is great, too. Naomi showed me, last winter. They have a holodeck. I’ll take you on my roller coaster program.”

 

Emily grinned, as lighthearted and carefree as Kieran could ever remember seeing her. “That sounds great,” she agreed.

__________________

 

Kieran Wildman stuck her head in the door of Robin Lefler’s office. “Hey, Robbie, are you ready to go?” she asked, grinning.

 

Robin gave her a feral grin. “You know it. I’m going to enjoy this.” She scooted her chair back and untangled her delectably shapely legs. “Your office at the gym?”

 

“Yep. She’ll never know what hit her. And if she gives me any lip, I will hit her. Did Kit tell you what she said?”

 

“Every slimy detail,” Robin confirmed. “Hey, KT, thanks for being discreet about what you told Kit about us. I appreciate it.”

 

Kieran laughed. “I wanted her to get the best help available, and you’re it. If I had told her what really happened between us, she would never have trusted you.”

 

“I know. Look, KT, I don’t want to rehash the past—”

 

“Then don’t,” Kieran cut her off. “We were kids. We didn’t belong together.”

 

“No, wait, I need to say this.” Robin looked up at her, face soft with sadness. “What I did to you was pure cowardice, and it was despicable. When I came to see you at the Suites, the night they retired your jersey, you should have spit in my face.”

 

“I nearly did,” Kieran admitted. “But I also had a long time to think about you, after that, and when my marriage to B’Elanna was breaking up, I wondered if I blew it by not giving you that second chance,” she confessed. “Not that it would have mattered. I’d have still been lost in the Delta Quadrant, and you’d have thought I was dead,” she reasoned. “Anyway, that’s the past. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, with Naomi. I hope you’ll find your happiness, too. And I’m glad we can be friends, now.”

 

“Well, you told Kit two things that were flat dead wrong. You told her I probably never regretted marrying someone else, and that you were no prize back then. I set her straight. I told her I did regret it, and you were a prize. And I should have known that. I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’m sorry I figured things out too late,” she said sincerely, taking Kieran’s arm companionably.

 

“So what about you, Robbie?” Kieran asked, squeezing Robin’s arm in her own. “Are you happy?”

 

Robin laughed. “I love my work. I never thought I’d be happy planetside, but it’s been okay. I also learned my lesson about burning bridges. Captain Picard still hasn’t filled his opening for a Ship’s Counselor, but he won’t even consider my application.”

 

“Because of what happened between us?” Kieran was surprised.

 

Robin nodded. “Yeah. He’s always had a big soft spot for you, and I broke your heart. He can’t stand me.”

 

“Damn,” Kieran swore. “Do you want me to talk to him? I could set him straight.”

 

Robin regarded her with mild astonishment. “KT, you don’t owe me any favors. I’m thrilled you speak to me at all.”

 

“Hey,” Kieran put an arm around her shoulders. “You’ve done amazing work with Kit, and I’m forever in your debt for that. I love that kid more than basketball,” she smiled.

 

“That’s good, because she thinks you walk on water,” Robin replied. “You could talk to the Captain?”

 

“Well, how much longer is Kit going to need your services?” Kieran reconsidered, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“It would be natural to make the break from her at the end of the semester, since you’re going to be in Indiana, anyway. She could start up with someone new in the fall. Though I think that will be a hard transition for her. She’s got some transference going on,” Robin noted, grinning.

 

“Yeah, well the way you look, she’s not likely to get over it, either,” Kieran laughed. “You were always a conversation stopper, Robbie.” She smiled fondly at her ex-lover. “What ever happened with you and Wesley?”

 

Robin grinned wickedly. “We had a raging affair all summer, and he took off with his silver buddy, again. I think I need a partner who stays in this dimension,” she noted, chuckling. “I’m hoping if I get on a starship again, I’ll meet someone.”

 

“You know, I could hook you up with Naomi’s mother, Kathryn. She needs a Ship’s Counselor, too, and there’s this gorgeous woman that’s going to be in her crew. Long, raven hair, green eyes, a body to die for. She works with Seven in Astrometrics. I could introduce you, when Kat’s crew assembles. I’d love to see her with someone she could really connect with.”

 

“Does she have a name?” Robin was curious.

 

“Rachel McVicker. Robbie, she is breathtaking. And very smart. I think you’d hit it off. Are you game? I could invite her to San Fran for a visit, you know,” she offered. “Before I say anything to Jean-Luc, just in case.” Kieran waggled her eyebrows.

 

They walked up the path to the athletic complex, arm in arm, completely at ease with each other.

 

“Why not?” Robin decided. “Robin and Rachel. That sounds—nice.”

 

“Okay, then.” Kieran nodded emphatically. “I’ll get her here as soon as she can come. We’ll have you over for swimming and a barbecue. If you wear a bathing suit, Rach will be a goner,” she laughed. “And if she wears one, so will you.” She led them into her office in the locker room.

 

Shane Bilbrey was already inside, waiting for her appointment. She had been told to come in uniform and to be promptly at attention at 1300 hours. She stood there stiffly, fully in salute.

 

“Cadet Second Class Shane Bilbrey,” Kieran addressed the young woman formally, in the displeased tone of a senior officer about to reprimand a bug. “This is Commander Robin Lefler, the senior staff psychologist at the counseling center here on campus. More specifically, she is my daughter’s therapist. Commander Lefler and I are here today to advise you you are being formally disciplined for sexual harrassment.”

 

Shane’s face fell. “Kit turned me in?” She was pale as a sheet.

 

Robin fixed the cadet with a glare. “No, she didn’t. But she told me in her therapy sessions what happened, and I initiated the complaint against you. She should have turned you in, but she didn’t. It’s within my authority. You are quite fortunate that I am not charging you with sexual assault, because your conduct was certainly bordering on it. Sexual assault is a criminal offense, and Starfleet would court martial you for that. So see that you do not piss me off in the next fifteen minutes, or I will change the complaint.”

 

“But, Sir,” Shane began.

 

“Cadet, you will not speak unless asked to do so,” Kieran barked angrily, her dark brown eyes flashing. “You are hereby suspended from the basketball team. Your privileges as a cadet are hereby revoked. You will not be allowed to pursue recreational activities until further notice. You will adhere to a strict curfew. You will attend your classes, and tend to your homework. You will not, under any circumstances talk to my daughter, see my daughter, approach my daughter, or ever touch her again. If I find out you have violated that order, I will personally see that you are summarily dismissed from the Academy with no chance for reinstatement. Is that clear, Cadet Bilbrey? Your only response had better be ‘Yes, Sir’.”

 

Shane had tears in her eyes. “Yes, Sir,” she replied fearfully.

 

“You will issue a formal apology to the team for letting them down. And if you so much as violate curfew by a nanosecond, or miss a single class, or fail to turn in a single assignment, you will be suspended from school and forced to repeat your third year. Do you understand the charges against you?” Kieran folded her arms over her chest resolutely, scrutinizing the young woman before her, face impervious.

 

Shane nodded. “Yes, Commander.”

 

“Cadet, I strongly suggest you spend time reflecting on the actions that have resulted in this disciplinary action,” Robin snarled at her. “Starfleet does not look favorably upon students who do not adhere to the basic principles of respect for fellow students and officers. The things you said to Kit were beyond reprehensible. They were offensive, inappropriate, and violative of her rights. You are hereby remanded for further psychological evaluation and testing, and you will attend mandatory counseling sessions until further notice. The details will be routed to your comm account. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, Commander, I understand.” She stuck her chin out to keep from bursting into tears.

 

“Cadet.” Kieran scowled at her, “You don’t do that uniform or that rank insignia justice. You disgust me. I am going to be watching you like a hawk, and nothing would please me more than to strip you of your rank. So don’t fuck up, because the second you do, I’m going to be all over you. And I had better not hear a word of complaint about you from any of your professors, your quad mates, or any fellow students.”

 

“That concludes the formal portion of this proceeding,” Robin advised her, softening her tone a bit. “You are ordered to report to Admiral Brand at 1400 hours for further disciplinary action. The foregoing action has been submitted to and reviewed by the Board of Governors of Starfleet Academy, and carries their approval and endorsement. These disciplinary measures are taken with the full authority of that Board, and Admiral Brand.”

 

Kieran grimly uncrossed her arms, planting her hands on her hips. “Cadet, do you have any questions?”

 

“Yes, Sir,” she replied softly. “Am I entitled to an appeal and legal counsel?”

 

“You are entitled to an appeal. Under the charter of Starfleet Academy, we are self-governing without recourse to the civil liability courts, so you may not have legal counsel. You may, however, consult with a military legal representative. If you cannot afford one, you will be appointed one by the Academy. Do you wish to file an appeal?”

 

“How long do I have to decide, Commander?”

 

“You have twenty days to appeal, or the ruling and the disciplinary action becomes final, and the action becomes part of your permanent record.”

 

“If I appeal now, does that suspend the punitive aspects of this disciplinary action? Would I be allowed to stay on the team?”

 

“You can request an injunction of the charges in your appeal. However, as your coach, the decision to suspend you is mine, with or without cause. As I see it, your behavior is a violation of team rules. That’s grounds to kick you off the team permanently. You’re lucky I haven’t,” Kieran advised her.

 

“But Kit isn’t part of the team,” she pointed out. “I didn’t mean any harm. It was just a flirtation,” she protested.

 

Robin wanted to throttle the arrogant woman. “Just a flirtation? You didn’t mean any harm?” She was shaking with rage. “I warned you not to piss me off, Cadet. You are dangerously close to getting an amended complaint.”

 

“Let me put it this way, Shane.” Kieran leaned over her desk, fingers planted on its surface. She was inches from the Cadet’s face. “Nothing is more important to me than my family. Not the team, not the tournament, not this school, nothing. Your actions could have been a major setback in Kit’s recovery. If they had been, we would not be having this discussion, because Dr. Pulaski would be busy surgically removing my boot from your sorry ass. I trusted you, Shane, with the most important thing I could entrust to you, and you shit all over that trust. You aren’t going to play on my team again this year, no matter what appeal you file, or what injunctive relief you’re granted. If the military court of appeals says you get to stay on the team, fine. You’ll sit the bench, and you will never take the floor.”

 

“But the team can’t win without me,” she pointed out desperately.

 

“You’re probably right. And it’s too bad your lack of judgment will cause them to lose, probably in the first round of the tournament. You’re going to make one hell of a lot of enemies,” she noted pointedly.

 

“Look, I’m sorry. What do you want me to do?” she begged. “I’ll do whatever you tell me, Coach. But please, don’t do this to me—to my career and the team.”

 

Robin gave her a scathing look. “It’s already done, Cadet. You’re dismissed.”

 

Kieran nodded curtly. “You’d better not be late to see Admiral Brand. This hearing was a cakewalk, compared to what you’re about to hear from her. If you so much as hint at insubordination, as you have in this hearing, she will expel you. So keep your mouth shut, if you know what’s good for you.”

 

“Yes, Sir.” Shane saluted and left the office.

 

“Do you think she shit herself?” Kieran asked Robin.

 

“I know I would have. Damn, you’re a hardass, KT,” she breathed. “You used to be so sweet and understanding.”

 

“That was before I went to command school. And before I had a daughter,” she pointed out. “Would you like to go to Admiral Brand’s office for the next hearing? We’re invited, if you’re interested.”

 

“No. I have a client in a bit. Are you going to go?” Robin asked faintly.

 

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Kieran assured her. “I want to watch Brand slice and dice that little asshole.”

 

__________________

 

Kieran Wildman sat in the Admiral’s office, shaking her head. Shane Bilbrey had broken down in tears after the dressing down Brand had given her.

 

“I hate that part of this job,” Brand advised, handing Kieran a shot of brandy. “God save the fleet,” she toasted, tossing back the burning liquid.

 

“The fleet,” Kieran echoed, following suit. “I’ve never been part of an action before,” she commented.

 

“I’ve done more than a single person should ever have to. They always cry, and they always act like they have no idea why you’re persecuting them so,” she sighed. “How is Kit? Is she really okay?”

 

“Yes, Admiral, she’s fine. In retrospect, Shane’s actions actually gave Kit a chance for a breakthrough, and she rose to the occasion. We’re very proud of her,” she added fondly, thinking of her adopted daughter.

 

“She’s a brave kid. I don’t know how anyone could come to grips with what she’s been through. How’s Naomi doing?”

 

Kieran smiled. “She’s wonderful, thank you.”

 

“I heard she left the quad.” Brand tapped the side of her nose thoughtfully.

 

“Yes Admiral. She and I found it too much of a strain to be apart, so early in our marriage. We thought it was important, too, to gel as a family with Kit.”

 

“Ordinarily, I’d be unhappy about her decision, but I think given her years of service on Voyager, team building is not something she’ll have trouble with on her next ship. And she’s certainly built a winning team in your household. Are things better, now that she’s home?”

 

“Much, thank you, Ma’am,” Kieran nodded emphatically, her tone crisp and efficient.

 

The Admiral grinned at her. “Commander, I appreciate your professional conduct, and I realize I outrank you, but we’ve known each other a long time. I’ve been to your house, I was at your wedding. I even have your autograph. Don’t you think it’s about time you called me something besides Admiral, and Ma’am?” she chuckled, the lines around her eyes crinkling with amusement.

 

“Whatever you prefer, Admiral,” Kieran said respectfully. “I would never presume without your permission.”

 

“My name is Amanda. When we’re alone, you may call me that. I don’t think of you as a lower ranking officer, not anymore. You’re just my colleague. I think we can dispense with the formalities, don’t you?”

 

“Thank you,” Kieran said politely. “I have to say, when Kit took your hand at her birthday party, I almost fainted.”

 

Brand smiled warmly. “I thought it was very sweet. She had the trusting expression of a little girl. You gave that back to her. And she was very sincere in her thanks. I think she’s a wonderful girl. She’s going to make an exemplary captain, someday. I hope I’m still around to see it,” she said optimistically.

 

“I hope so too,” Kieran agreed.

 

Amanda Brand leaned back in her chair, appraising the tall woman before her. “Kieran, I want to suggest something to you. It’s something I’d like for you to think about. Long term goals are important in a Starfleet career, and I have to start thinking about my retirement. I’m going to have to train a replacement for my position, before they let me go, unless I die in the office,” she chuckled. “You’re going to make captain in five years, seven at the most. Starfleet Academy requires that the person who sits in this chair have experience as a starship captain, because that’s really what this school is all about—training future officers. I think you’d make a damned fine replacement for me. You already understand how the athletic teams work, and how recruiting works, and the scholarship programs. You and Naomi are going to want to start a family, someday, and this environment is much more conducive to that than space missions,” she noted. “Naomi could run the counseling center, or at least, work there. So when you’ve had your fill of gallivanting around the quadrants, I want you to consider coming back the the Academy, and letting me groom you to be the next governing Admiral.”

 

Kieran regarded her with no small amount of amazement. “Me? Fill your shoes? I don’t think that’s possible,” she admitted.

 

“I’ve already discussed you with Owen Paris and Alynna Nechayev, and they agree you’d fit the bill. I know it’s a long way off, and I’m not quite ready to be put out to pasture, but on the seven to ten year plan, I think it’s something you should give serious thought to. Naomi could work with all the kids she seems so concerned about. We seem to have our share of hardship cases right here at home. And you’d be here when Katie is ready to attend the Academy,” she tried to be persuasive.

 

“It’s more than generous, Amanda, and I’m flattered. I’ll certainly give it due consideration. Let me ask you something personal. May I?”

 

“Of course.” She smiled warmly.

 

“Are you happy with your work? Or do you miss being in space?” She got to the point.

 

“It has its moments. Of course, life on a ship is more exciting, more fly by the seat of your pants. But it is also much more dangerous. I never wanted to raise kids on a ship. I know how protective you are of Kit. I can’t imagine how much worse you’d be with an infant,” she said mildly.

 

Kieran let out a long breath. “I’ll discuss it with Naomi, of course, and see if that might appeal to her. Ultimately, wherever she wants to be most is where I’ll go. I sincerely thank you for thinking of me.” She stood to go. “I hate to cut this short, but I have a practice to run. I have to explain to my team how they are supposed to try and win a game without their star player,” she noted.

 

“You know, a lot of coaches would have covered for their players, tried to sweep the violations under the rug, just to save their team. Why didn’t you?”

 

“Some things are more important than basketball. The integrity of this institution and my daughter rank right up there,” Kieran decided. “My girls are going to be very upset, but they need to learn to fill in for fallen comrades. It’s a lesson that couldn’t be more fitting to Starfleet,” she noted.

 

“I’ll be at the game, just the same. Good luck, Kieran.” She stuck out her hand.

 

“Thank you, Admir--er-Amanda,” she blushed. “Sorry. It’ll take some getting used to. I have Starfleet starch in my underwear,” she quipped.

 

Brand gaped at her, not knowing what to make of the joke, then burst out laughing. “Kathryn told me you were a real wise-ass, and I’ve been waiting all this time to see it,” she rumbled deep in her chest. “No wonder you get along so well with her.” She shook her head. “You’re dismissed,” she waved her out of the office, still laughing.

_________________

 

Kit Wildman walked along the wharf, looking out into San Francisco bay, holding Kieran’s hand. Kieran was always surprised that a girl Kit’s age was so physically engaging, but she chalked it up to the fact that Kit was making up for lost time from her childhood. Naomi encouraged Kieran to keep reinforcing the behavior, because Naomi knew how important it was to be touched in positive ways by adults when you’re a child, and doubly so for Kit.

 

“Want to get some sourdough bread for dinner tonight?” Kieran asked her, shading her eyes.

 

“Actually,” Kit smiled up at her, “I want to show you something. I’m thinking about getting it for Emily—with your permission,” she amended hastily.

 

“Kit, you don’t need my permission to buy Emily a gift. You have your own money, and I meant it when I said it’s for you to do whatever you want with it,” she assured her. “I’m starved. Are you hungry yet?”

 

Kit shook her head. “Can I show you the present, first? Then we’ll eat, I promise.” She seemed very anxious about it.

 

“Okay, lead on. But I warn you, I get grouchy when I’m hungry,” Kieran advised.

 

“We’ll hurry, then.” Kit tugged her along the boardwalk and into a plaza of shops. “It’s in here,” she breathed excitedly, practically dragging Kieran into a jewelry store.

 

Kieran’s heart sank. God, don’t let her tell me she’s going to ask Emily to marry her. She’s too young. How would I ever tell her it’s a bad idea? How could I? Naomi is so young, and we’re married. I’d be a hypocrite. “In here? You’re sure?” Kieran tried to hide her dismay.

 

“Yeah, right over here. I saw it a couple of weeks ago.” Kit scanned down the collection of rings. “That one,” she pointed.

 

Kieran looked closely. “A promise ring?” She almost hugged Kit. “You want to give Emily a promise ring? I didn’t know they made those anymore,” she exhaled heavily.

 

“KT,” Kit studied her expression, “are you okay?”

 

Kieran nodded. “I thought—well, I was afraid—never mind.” She hugged Kit.

 

Kit thought about it awhile longer. “You were afraid I was going to get engaged?” she asked, incredulous. “I’m way too young for that,” she protested. “Do you think I should be—?”

 

“NO!” Kieran replied immediately. “I don’t. I just adopted you. I don’t want to lose you so soon,” she said sincerely. “And I don’t feel either of you are ready for that. What exactly does this promise ring mean to you, though?” She leaned against the counter, appraising her daughter.

 

“It’s more than just going steady,” Kit elaborated. “And it means eventually, when we’re older, I’d like to talk about the possibility of something more serious with Emily. Mostly it means there are not going to be any Shane Bilbreys in my bed,” she laughed. “And I think it’s pretty, and Emily will like it.”

 

Kieran sighed with relief. “Those are good arguments, and perfectly good reasons. I think you should get it.”

 

“Really? You don’t object?” Kit was surprised.

 

“I don’t,” Kieran agreed. “I know Emily is special to you. And I know you have more going on than just steady dating. Did you expect me to object?”

 

“I think I did,” Kit decided. “I don’t know why.”

 

“Did you want me to? Are you disappointed?” Kieran touched her cheek, looking into limitless golden eyes.

 

“Yes. And no. I think I wanted you to, because I want to be your kid a lot longer. But I also wanted you to approve, because it’s something I really want to do, and I wouldn’t want to upset you.”

 

“Oh, sweetie.” Kieran kissed her forehead. “You are going to be my kid, forever. Your kids will be my grandkids. Nothing is going to change that. And I won’t be upset, if you want to give Emily that ring.”

 

Kit nodded. “Thanks. Let me pay for it, and then we can have lunch,” she enthused.

 

_______________

 

Kit looked herself over in the mirror, checking her vest once more. She wore tailored black pants, a cream colored silk vest, and a burgundy silk long sleeved blouse. “Do I look okay?” she asked Kieran.

 

“You look elegant,” Kieran assured her. “Emily will be mesmerized.”

 

“You don’t think Rachel will mind that her first night in town, I’m taking my girlfriend to a dance? I don’t want to be impolite,” she added, checking herself again, making sure her hair was properly spiked. “I forgot my class ring.” She went to her dresser, retrieving it.

 

“I think Rachel is going to be busy renewing acquaintances with our old friends. You can get to know her better tomorrow. Besides, I’m trying to fix her up with Robin,” Kieran said conspiratorially.

 

“Are you serious?” Kit’s eyes widened.

 

Kieran nodded. “I think they’d be very good together.”

 

“Rachel would be so lucky,” Kit said enviously. “Robin is—oh, my God.” She tugged at the buttons of her shirt to ventilate herself.

 

Kieran smacked her playfully. “You’re ultra-hormonal,” she accused. Then more seriously, she said “You’re ultra beautiful, Kit. Emily won’t be able to breathe.” She kissed Kit’s forehead. “Are you giving her the ring at dinner, or at the dance?”

 

“What do you think?” Kit always consulted Kieran on the big decisions.

 

“Dinner will be more intimate, don’t you think? The dance will be noisy, and busy,” she opined, straightening Kit’s collar.

 

“Then at dinner. Did you remember to make the reservations?” she asked, suddenly worried.

 

“Relax, kiddo. I’ve got you covered. Ask for Marcel at the maitre de’s stand. He’ll take care of you,” Kieran assured her.

 

Kit grinned up at her. “How many signed basketballs did that cost you?”

 

“One photo op and one ball,” she admitted. “I’d have signed a hundred, for you,” she revealed.

 

“Do you know there’s a picture of you in every restaurant around campus now?” Kit pointed out proudly.

 

“Yeah. I hear plenty about it from Kathryn, thank you,” Kieran complained. “Are you about ready?” She looked her daughter up and down one last time. “You look perfect.”

 

“I’m ready. I have to get Emily’s flowers out of the kitchen. Don’t let me forget.”

 

“What’s she wearing?” Kieran wanted to know.

 

“I have no idea. She wouldn’t tell me,” Kit confided. “She’s going to be here any minute though, so you can take all the pictures you want.”

 

“Better get downstairs then. Seven and Kathryn and Naomi will want to fawn over you. Don’t let Noah give you any tips on winning over women,” she snorted. “God, you look amazing,” she said proudly.

 

“And that’s a totally unbiased opinion,” Kit laughed.

 

They descended the two flights of stairs, and all the adults in the living room fell silent as Kit came down to the landing.

 

“Oh, my,” Kathryn said aloud. “Seven, that’s it,” she pretended to push her wife away. “It’s over,” she clutched her hands to her chest. “Kit, will you take me to the dance?”

 

Kit blushed. “Only if Emily wants to share,” she laughed.

 

Naomi came over and kissed her cheek. “You look terrific. Ems will be all over you.”

 

“Okay, everybody, stop ooohing and ahhhing. I have to get some pictures,” Kieran laughed at them all.

 

The doorbell sounded, and Emily waited on the porch.

 

Kieran looked at Kit. “You’d better get that,” she nodded toward the door.

 

Kit scooted over, anxious to see Emily’s attire. She stopped at the screen, too stunned to open it.  Her jaw hung open, and the adults stifled their amusement.

 

Emily smiled with delight at Kit’s expression, so soft and full of awe. “Are you going to let me in, Samurai?” she asked with mock petulance.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kit murmured, tugging the wooden frame and holding out her hand to her date. “We match,” she said, surprised.

 

“Naomi picked it out with me,” Emily explained. She wore a backless burgundy silk dress, short to the thighs, with a fitted waist and a plunging neckline.

 

Kit held both of her hands, enchanted. Naomi had also done Emily’s hair and makeup at the quad, and lent her a necklace and earrings to wear to the dance. When Kit held Emily at arm’s length, and asked her to turn around, she could see that the horrific scars on Emily’s back were completely gone, replaced by soft, unblemished skin the palest pink Kit could imagine. “Rose quartz,” she murmured, thinking Emily’s skin was the soft pink of that stone.

 

Emily was getting nervous, watching Kit. “Is it okay?”

 

“Yes,” Kit nodded enthusiastically. “You’re—exquisite.” Kit’s mouth was dry as the summer air at noon. She finally found her smile. “God Ems, you just took my breath away,” she laughed, kissing her hello.

 

Kieran grabbed her camera and started posing the young couple by the fireplace. When the photo session was over, Kit excused herself to get Emily’s corsage from the kitchen, a triad of cream colored roses superimposed on a bed of greens and baby’s breath.

 

“Pin it on me?” Emily requested.

 

Kit’s hands were shaking. “I don’t think I can,” she giggled nervously. “I’ll end up sticking you.”

 

Robin Lefler watched with particular fondness as the two young lovers floundered. Kieran winked at her across the room. Seven stood by the kitchen smiling faintly at her roommates, watching Kit try to compose herself.

 

Naomi offered to assist. “You look amazing, Ems,” she whispered. “I’ve never seen Kit so discombobulated.”

 

Emily grinned. “Me either. She’s a mess, isn’t she?” she teased her girlfriend.

 

“Can’t help it,” she admitted. “Look at you.” She held Emily’s hand, unaware of anyone else in the room. “Are you ready to go?”

 

Emily nodded. “If you are,” she agreed, lost in golden eyes.

 

Kit smiled and led her out to the porch.

 

“Goodnight,” the adults called to them, laughing at the way the two women completely ignored everyone but each other.

 

Naomi insinuated herself into Kieran’s lap. “Are you okay honey?” she asked her stricken wife.

 

“Our little girl just grew up, I think,” she said sadly. “She didn’t even say goodbye.”

 

Noah leaned back from the sofa, looking out the picture window. “They haven’t even made it off the porch,” he laughed. “They’re still too busy filling their eyes with each other. Oh—nope, now they’re filling their lips with each other,” he tattled.

 

B’Elanna smacked his leg. “Stop spying, nosey. Let them be in love,” she chided him.

 

The screen door swung open again, and Kit stuck her head in. “I—um—didn’t mean to be so rude. Goodnight, everyone.”

 

The adults burst out laughing as Kieran sighed with relief. “She remembered,” Kieran gasped.

She could see Kit and Emily rushing down the sidewalk toward campus, and her throat closed with tenderness.

 

Naomi kissed her cheek. “Still our little girl, awhile longer,” she assured her wife.

 

Kieran winked at the assembled guests. “It’s a big night—no, wait, it’s an ‘ultra-big-night’ for them,” she advised.

 

Kathryn smirked. “Why, are they losing their virginity?”

 

Kieran scowled at her. “No. Kit is giving Emily a promise ring.”

 

Robin whistled. “Serious stuff,” she said sarcastically. “They’re very sweet together,” she said softly.

 

“Yeah, KT,” Rachel chimed in. “Kit’s a beautiful girl. You must be very proud of her,” she added.

 

“I am,” Kieran agreed. “Ultra-proud.”

 

_______________

 

Kit was still nearly speechless over dinner, well into the entrée.

 

“Honey, you’re making me self-conscious,” Emily whispered across the table. “Is there something wrong with the way I look?”

 

“Wrong? God no, you’re so sexy I can hardly think about anything but touching you,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stare.”

 

Emily flushed with pleasure. “You’re allowed, as long as you like what you see,” she assured her.

 

“You know I love you, don’t you Ems?” Kit said softly.

 

“Yes. And I love you, too,” she replied immediately. She sighed, her thoughts turning serious.  “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” She took a bite of her potatoes. “I should have said something sooner, and I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve been dishonest, not telling you.”

 

Kit was instantly frightened. It sounded like the beginning of bad news. “What haven’t you told me?” she asked in a very small voice.

 

“I know why Shane Bilbrey got in trouble. I mean, everyone knows, but I was actually there,” she admitted. “I had been looking for you in between classes, you know, outside the student union, like we do sometimes,” she explained. “And I came around a planter and saw Shane all over you.”

 

Kit’s heart clenched. “You did? Oh, Ems, I’m so sorry,” she immediately apologized. “You saw the whole thing?”

 

“Unfortunately, no.” Emily took a drink of iced tea, cooling her cheeks. “What I saw, and what I heard, was Shane saying how she knows I don’t make love to you with my mouth,” she flushed with hurt. “And you admitting that I don’t,” she finished.

 

Kit knew that must have wounded the sensitive woman. “It’s not like you make it sound, Ems.”

 

“I know that,” Emily assured her. “I know you told her off, and I know you didn’t take her up on her proposition. I owe you an apology, because my first assumption was that you went back to her quad with her, right then.”

 

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Ems, to us,” Kit protested, her golden eyes darkening.

 

“I found out you went to Kieran’s office, not with Shane, because not too long after that, Kieran found me crying, and I told her I thought you were going to break up with me.” Emily was burning with shame. “I’m sorry I doubted you, Samurai. Kieran set me straight, and took us both off to lunch, and you told us both what really happened. But I also saw something that still upsets me.” She swallowed hard.

 

Kit took her hand acrossed the table. “What?”

 

Emily took a shaking breath, letting it out slowly. “When Shane was saying those things to you—when she told you what she wanted to do to you—your eyes closed, just like they do when I touch you and you’re really excited,” she said miserably. “And I knew then I had neglected you, and I haven’t been giving you what you need. So I don’t want to wait until we go to Australia. My quadmates will all be at the dance, and the quad will be empty tonight. I want to make love to you, the way you really want me to, tonight. I don’t care if we go to the dance or not. All I care about is giving you this night,” she said sincerely.

 

Kit was torn. On one hand, just hearing Emily say it had her aroused. But on the other, they had both been looking forward to this night, and Kit didn’t want to be selfish. She smiled slowly at her lover, squeezing her fingers. “I think we can do both, don’t you? Spend a couple of hours at the dance, and then go to your quad,” she elaborated. “But Ems, I don’t feel neglected, or deprived of anything, and I don’t want you to think you have to do this or lose me. Is that what you think? I’ll go find someone who’ll do those things to me if you don’t?”

 

Emily shook her head. “I think eventually you would, but that’s not what this is about. I don’t intend to let it get that far. I don’t know why I’ve been waiting, or what I’m afraid of, but I want this to happen, and not because I feel threatened, but because I love you, and I want to be the one making you close your eyes like that, and making you weak in the knees,” she assured her.

 

Kit kissed her hand softly. “Sweetie,” she said, her voice catching, “you already make me weak in the knees, just looking at you.”

 

“That goes both ways.” Emily smiled at her. “I can’t wait to slide my arms around all that silk,” she flirted. “Can I ask you something really personal?”

 

“I think you can ask me anything, considering how much time we spend naked together,” she laughed.

 

“What exactly is so special about this part of making love, for you? Why is it so important?” she asked faintly.

 

Kit bit her lip. “The truth? You might not like this,” she breathed raggedly, afraid to admit the fact. “It’s the only thing I’ve never done before. It will just be ours, yours and mine,” she said softly, feeling guilty.

 

Emily was stunned. “You mean your uncle?” she nearly whispered, horrified.

 

Kit stared at the ground, humiliated. “He never did that to me. Don’t ask me why, because God knows he did everything else.” She grabbed her water glass and gulped it down, getting flustered. “I want to have something with you that no one else has ever been part of,” she asserted, looking intently at Emily. “Something that’s sacred, because it’s ours and ours alone.”

 

“You told me you never flash back on him, when we’re together. Has that changed?” she asked, worried.

 

“No, it hasn’t changed. I never think about him when I’m with you. It’s like there’s no common ground for the two experiences at all. Making love with you does not bring up bad memories for me. But I still want to share something with you that is new, for both of us. I guess it’s the closest I’ll ever come to giving you my virginity, because it was taken from me against my will,” she said passionately, her eyes misting slightly.

 

Emily thought her own heart would break at the sound of Kit’s vulnerability. “God, I love you, Sam.” She left her seat and gathered Kit out of hers and into a firm, comforting hug. “I get it, now. I’m sorry I was so dense. And I’m sorry I brought up your uncle.”

 

Kit clung to her momentarily, willing away the sick feeling inside. “It’s okay. I have to be able to talk about it, sometime, and I should be able to with you. You totally understand what it’s like,” she murmured.

 

Emily shook her head. “No, I really don’t know. It’s different with physical beatings than it is with sexual abuse. It doesn’t screw with your head as much, to have someone slap you or punch you. There’s no room for confusion. It’s a bad experience, period, and there are no conflicting signals to tell you it feels good. I don’t know how you deal with what you went through. I couldn’t,” she said with genuine admiration.

 

Kit hugged her. “Let’s finish dinner, people are staring.” She grinned at her girlfriend, flushing slightly. She pulled out Emily’s chair for her, scooting her to the table again. “To be honest, I didn’t know, before I fell in love with you, if I’d ever be able to have a sexual relationship that didn’t send me off the deep end. I was terrified I’d never be able to share that in any meaningful way, but KT and Robin both convinced me it was attainable. God, Ems, I’d have been so lost without Kieran. She has been a rock with this. And so have you. I can’t ever thank you enough, either one of you.”

 

“Hey,” Emily took her hand again. “I love you. That means we stick together through the bad stuff, so we can share the good.”

 

“Do you ever think about our future? Together, I mean?” Kit asked, toying with her water glass.

 

“Of course I do,” she laughed. “I think about being in school together, and maybe getting married our senior year, so we can ship out together when we graduate. I mean, I don’t dwell on it, but the thoughts are there. Why?”

 

“I think about that, too. I just love you so much, Emily, and sometimes there aren’t words for it. I know we’re too young to talk about forever, but this feels like forever is a real possibility. Does it feel like that to you?” she asked hopefully.

 

“It does feel that way. I can’t imagine loving or trusting anyone as much as I do you. I haven’t ever said much, because I was afraid you’d think I was pushing, or something. I don’t want to rush things. But I feel so close to you sometimes, it’s just perfection, like we’re one person.”

 

“I know that whole thing with Shane rattled you, Ems,” she admitted. “And I want you to know, there’s nobody else I want to be with. I don’t just think of you as someone I’m dating, or someone I’m going steady with. I think of you as someone I’d like to marry, someday. I know we have a long way to go to get there. But this is pretty serious stuff, for me. And I wanted to do something to show you how I feel” She searched in her vest pocket. “This is for you.” She handed her the small box. “It’s my promise to you that someday, we’ll talk seriously about making this permanent.”

 

It was Emily’s turn for shaking hands, and she opened the box, heart racing. She looked at the ring inside, a delicate gold band with a series of small diamonds on the face. “It’s very pretty, Kit,” she murmured. “I can’t believe you got me this.” She slipped it on, admiring it.

 

“It looks right on you,” Kit assured her.

 

“Do you think anyone would stare if I kissed you, right now?” she whispered.

 

“Probably. Let ‘em,” Kit decided.

 

They stood and embraced beside their table, a long, soulful kiss that left them both weak in the knees. Kit held her then, cradling her close. “You’re so important to me, Ems. I love you with all my heart,” she promised. “So it would be okay with you if next year, we talk about getting engaged?”

 

“We can talk about it anytime you want,” Emily agreed, leaning into her. “My mind is made up, anyway.”

 

Kit kissed her dark, soft hair, breathing the scent of it. “It is?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” Emily whispered. “I knew the first day I saw you,” she reminded her. “I took one look at that ratty blue sweatshirt and I thought, ‘I’m going to marry her.’”

 

Kit giggled. “You did not, you big liar.” She rested her hands on Emily’s waist.

 

“You’re right. I thought, ‘Damn, she’s cute. I have to go out with her’.” Emily nuzzled Kit’s cheek.

 

Kit looked at their dinner, which was most certainly cold now. “You want to order something else? That won’t be fit, now,” she chuckled.

 

“No,” Emily smiled. “I don’t want to be weighed down by a lot of food. I want to be light and graceful when I make love to you, tonight,” she breathed the words into Kit’s ear, and felt the rush of desire in Kit’s body as she heard the taller woman gasp faintly.

 

Kit had to struggle to keep from dragging Emily back to the quad right then. “Let’s go show our classmates how gorgeous we both are, then,” she teased, taking Emily’s hand and stepping out of her arms. “Do you really like the ring?”

 

Emily kissed her enthusiastically. “I love it. It’s beautiful. It was a little overwhelming, but I’m getting used to the idea, now,” she teased, quirking a dark, elegant eyebrow.

 

___________________

 

Naomi Wildman poured a pitcher of margaritas into salt-encrusted glasses, careful not to spill anything. Kieran watched, waiting to serve their guests.

 

“I think Rachel and Robin are connecting,” Kieran noted, smiling at her wife.

 

“Is it some obsession, with you, making sure all of your ex-lovers have partners?” Naomi teased her.

 

Kieran shrugged. “I just like to see people happy, because I am,” she flirted with the strawberry blonde. She crept around the kitchen island, slipping her arms around Naomi, kissing her neck.

 

“Are you?” Naomi set the pitcher down, turning in Kieran’s arms to face her.

 

“Immeasurably,” Kieran assured her, kissing her gently. “Why?”

 

Naomi inclined her head in the direction of the living room. “B’Elanna and Robin are both to die for. Hell, so is Noah. And Rachel would have gone after you, too, if you’d shown the slightest bit of interest in her. Even my own mother was in love with you.”

 

Kieran’s eyes brightened. “And what about you? I’ve seen all the cadets drooling behind you. God, the first time Kit came to visit, I watched her checking you out when you walked away one morning. I practically had to give her CPR, she was so devastated. And I’ve seen your teammates looking you over in the locker room. Does any of that mean anything?”

 

She peered up at doe soft eyes. “You’re not ever—restless?”

 

Kieran shook her head. “Not at all. I have everything I could ever want. Why look anywhere but where my heart is?” Then a disturbing thought hit her. “Are you trying to tell me you’re restless?”

 

Naomi hesitated a second too long.

 

“Oh,” Kieran let her go. “I didn’t realize we were talking about you. Sorry, my error. I guess I can understand why you would be, since I’m the only person besides one lone alien you’ve ever been with. You never got to date, like Emily and Kit. Did you want to go to that dance, tonight?”

 

“No,” Naomi protested, realizing how hurt Kieran must feel. “I didn’t say I was restless, either,” she pointed out. “Your words, not mine,” she argued.

 

Kieran backed away from her, looking at her as if they’d just met for the first time. “Right. I’m going to take these out before the troops get restless, too,” she sighed fretfully.

 

Naomi rested her head in her hand, leaning on the counter. “Damn it, Naomi,” she scolded herself. “That was the wrong thing to say.”
 

Kieran avoided her the rest of the night, keeping their guests entertained. She was afraid to look at her wife, afraid of what she might see in those stunning hazel eyes. More than once, she caught herself holding the tiny hearts of her necklace in her hand, clutching them possessively while she talked to someone. Naomi watched it all, knowing she had done damage where there should be none. It was a simple miscommunication. She would have to rectify it.

 

_________________

 

The Grand Ballroom of the Intergalactic Suites was decorated for the spring dance, the equivalent of the high school prom, for the pre-cadets and cadets. There were hundreds of students milling around in their formal attire, some dancing, some trying to impress an Admiral or a Captain in attendance, many trying to impress each other.  Kit and Emily were oblivious to everyone and everything around them, dancing together cheek to cheek, gazing at each other from time to time.

 

Kate Pulaski watched the young lovers from a darkened corner, grinning. She hated chaperoning these damned things, but seeing the couple so enthralled almost made it worthwhile. She was considering spiking her own drink, when Admiral Brand joined her, flask in hand.

 

“Hair of the dog?” she invited.

 

“I thought you’d never ask.” Kate held out her punch. “These things are either getting more tedious every year, or I’m getting old,” she bitched.

 

Amanda Brand gave her a smirk. “You’re already old, Kate. You’re just getting more crotchety,” she accused. “There’s a nice sight,” she smiled in Kit and Emily’s direction. “Are they the only ones dancing?”

 

“Almost,” Pulaski laughed. “And I think what they’re doing is more like hugging and shuffling their feet.”

 

“All the same, it’s nice to see them together, and happy. You remember what that was like, don’t you? Or did husband number six ruin love for you for good?” she asked sarcastically.

 

“Tramp,” Kate shot back. “You found some hot young adjutant to bed,” she retorted. “You should be happy.”

 

Brand laughed uproariously. “He is that. Speaking of bedding,” she nodded as Kit took Emily’s hands and started to lead her away from the dance floor, toward the exit.

 

“Hormones,” Kate scowled. “The scourge of youth.”

 

“You’re sounding bitter, Kate. You should let me introduce you to one of my adjutants,” she laughed.

 

“That’ll be the day,” Pulaski snorted.

 

__________________

 

Robin Lefler drained the last of her margarita, feeling a bit tipsy. She realized she’d eaten nothing, and when she stood to remedy that situation, she actually lost her balance. Kieran caught her, steadied her, and smiled down at her.

 

“Some things never change, I guess,” Kieran teased her. “Still a lightweight. Would you like some dinner? If I know you, you haven’t had solid food since lunch, and it’s nearly midnight,” she scolded mildly.

 

“That’d be right,” Robin admitted. “I think I can find something, though. You don’t need to prop me up like I’m some wino,” she chuckled.

 

“Oh, let me indulge myself. You’re the only pretty girl I’m going to get to touch tonight,” she said under her breath.

 

Robin flinched. “I thought you and Naomi were acting strangely. What’s wrong?” she was immediately the counselor.

 

Kieran shrugged. “Sounds to me like either Na is put out because I have too many ex-lovers, or she’s feeling like she missed out on having a few of her own,” Kieran elucidated. “Maybe she was too young to get married,” she added miserably. “I knew this might happen, and I accepted the risk. Now I have to face the music, apparently.” She eased Robin into the kitchen. “How about some of these fajitas? They’re really good. Seven made them,” she added for incentive.

 

“Sure. I can eat a couple, I guess,” she acquiesced, sitting on a stool opposite the island while Kieran fixed her a plate. “Are you two talking about separating?” Robin couldn’t believe that.

 

“No, nothing that definite. I’m just reacting to something Naomi said, or more accurately, didn’t deny quickly enough, earlier.” Kieran repeated the conversation for Robin’s benefit.

 

“KT.” She rolled meat and vegetables into her tortilla, sprinkling it with salsa, “Your history suggests that you might be prone to overreact, simply because you’ve had heartless bitches for lovers in the past. Naomi hesitated a few seconds. That’s hardly a divorce proclamation,” she pointed out.  “You two have been through a lot in the year you’ve been married—her illness, career changes, living arrangements changing, adopting Kit—it’s been a killer. She’s probably feeling overwhelmed. I mean, finals are right around the corner, and you’ve got a houseful of people, when she should probably be studying. It’s a ton of pressure for her. And it must be disconcerting to see how full your life has been, and hers is just beginning. Try not to take it so personally. And don’t jump to conclusions,” Robin advised. “Tell me, when was the last time you and Naomi went out somewhere, without anyone else?”

 

Kieran couldn’t even recall. “I don’t know.”

 

“You might try spending some time together that doesn’t include Kit or Katie, or Seven, or your team, or anyone else,” Robin said pointedly. “I know you’ve been juggling a lot of balls, but KT, she’s so young, and young newlyweds need more attention and they get insecure easier than more mature people. God, these are unreal,” she said through a mouthful of food. “Think Seven would give me the recipe?”

 

Kieran smiled. “I’m sure she would. I’ll think about what you said. You’re right. Damn, I just set this whole thing up without asking if Naomi needed to put in book time. I’m such an ass. Thanks for pointing that out. I’ll make sure I tell her to do what she needs to do. She’s probably annoyed at having to play wife, when she needs to be playing student.” Kieran wanted to kick herself in the butt for being so insensitive. “And you’re right about the time together thing, too. I need to be more attentive to her, and not just take it for granted she’s here. When you and I were lovers, was I this bad?”

 

Robin grinned at her. “You were never bad, not at anything,” she said suggestively, waggling her eyebrows. “I was the one who blew that situation. Still kicking myself for it, too,” she admitted.

 

“Thanks for saying so. Maybe Naomi will offer to give me back,” she said with a bitter ede in her voice, frowning.

 

“Not likely,” Robin smirked. “I think she knows a good thing when she has it, unlike your other partners. Hang on to her, KT. She’s something special. Don’t make the mistakes with her that all your lovers made with you,” she advised, finishing her dinner. “Okay, now I’m ready for another drink,” she decided. “Oh, and KT?” She smiled warmly.

 

“Yeah, Robbie?” Kieran turned back to look at her.

 

“You were right. Rachel is stunning,” she admitted.

 

Kieran smiled broadly. “You like her, huh?” She touched Robin’s arm.

 

“I like what I see. I’m not like I used to be, though—the surface things are like trinkets, and they may appeal to me, but I have to know there’s substance beneath the shimmer,” she said seriously. “I never rush into anything, anymore. Speaking of rushing, how do you feel about Kit giving Emily a diamond ring?”

 

Kieran leaned on the island, sighing. “Who am I to judge? I wouldn’t be surprised if they elope in Australia, they’re so caught up in each other. I’m glad Kit didn’t buy her an engagement ring, instead. You know how it is with abuse survivors—no impulse control. I know they’re anxious to have all the puzzle pieces in place. I understand the desire—look how quickly I proposed to you,” she pointed out.

 

Robin cocked her head, smoothing her soft brown hair behind her ears. “Was that a product of your being a survivor? I never thought about it at the time,” she realized.

 

“I don’t know for sure. I do know that I was insecure as hell, and I wanted to make things definite between us,” Kieran grinned ruefully. “I probably felt, on some level, that you weren’t really as sure as I was, and I proposed to force the issue. But with Kit and Emily, I can understand, after everything they’ve been through, why they might need the marriage so they can believe in the relationship. Especially Emily—that kid’s had more foster families than I’ve had orgasms,” she quipped.

 

Robin nodded thoughtfully. “Having your blocks knocked out from under you so many times is rough, I admit. And you may be right, that they find they just need the security of that commitment to each other to get past the fear of losing each other. But I also don’t think it would last, if they married this young. They’re both so damaged and fragile, and this relationship is so healing for them both, yet I can’t help but believe that when the wounds start to close, and their confidence is better, they are going to want to explore other options,” she predicted.

 

“I love Kit, and I’ll support her, whatever she does or wants. But I hope you’re wrong, because I love them as a couple. There’s an innocence, a sweetness, you don’t often see between lovers. Kit is so incredibly gentle with Emily,” Kieran sighed wistfully.

 

“Hey,” Robin touched her hand. “Why so sad all of a sudden?”

 

Kieran frowned. “I used to be that gentle with Naomi. I guess I need to take a page from my daughter, and rediscover that in myself.”

 

Robin smiled reassuringly. “It’s in there, KT. You just have to let it out more often, and not get so caught up in the other things. If you make Naomi your first priority, everything else will fall into place. Trust me. I’ve screwed up enough relationships to know these things,” she chuckled.

 

_______________

 

Kieran found Naomi in the back yard, talking to Noah. “Hey you guys,” she greeted them. “Am I interrupting anything?”

 

“Not at all.” Noah took Kieran under his arm, hugging her. “We were just talking about your mother-in-law’s new ship.”

 

“Ah,” Kieran nodded. “Bud, can I borrow my wife for a second?”

 

“I can take a hint,” he bowed out politely. “Don’t let me find you two skinny dipping, though,” he inclined his head toward the pool as he sauntered away.

 

Naomi moved into Kieran’s arms. “About before, KT,” she began, wanting to apologize.

 

“No, wait,” Kieran interrupted. “Let me go first. I think I owe you a huge apology, Na. I planned this whole weekend without ever asking you, and finals are coming up, and you probably had more important things to do than play hostess. I should have asked you first, and made sure you could spare the time. And if you’re feeling restless, I’ll own that, too, because I’ve just buried you alive with my team, my job, my adopting Kit, and I haven’t made any time for just us, or for you. I begged you to move home, and I’m acting like you still live in the quad, anyway. My behavior has been reprehensible. I’ll make it up to you, I promise, if you still want me to,” she offered sincerely.

 

Naomi regarded her with soft hazel eyes, then leaned her head against Kieran’s chest. “I’m selfish, I suppose, but I can’t help it. Last summer, when I was so sick, you and I were all that mattered. I miss that,” she stressed, squeezing Kieran tighter. “I miss you. I even miss how things were with us on Voyager, because everyone despised us so much, I had you all to myself. I don’t mean to begrudge you your relationship with Kit, but it’s been a huge adjustment, having her around all the time sooner than I expected to. Sometimes, I just need it to be like it was on Qian. Don’t you?” She sounded so small and tired.

 

Kieran held her protectively. “I do, of course I do, love. I just forget sometimes, to follow your advice, and turn my focus inward to us. I’ve been neglecting you shamefully, and taking care of everyone else. I did it to B’Elanna, too, and it’s always been a pattern with me. I intend to break it though, if you’ll help me by keeping me honest. Will you? Will you fight for us again?”

 

“I never stopped, Kieran,” Naomi assured her. “I’ve just been trying to be patient, but I’ve waited as long as I can stand to wait. I need you,” she implored. “Please don’t leave me like this,” she added.

 

Kieran held fast, tangling her fingers in the soft cascade of Naomi’s hair, swept back at the neck and falling over Naomi’s shoulders. “Baby,” she said hoarsely, “I will never leave you, I swear. And I’ll stop letting there be distance between us that would make you think I’ve left emotionally. Please, please forgive me,” she breathed into Naomi’s hair, thinking how desolate her life would be if she could never fill her senses with that scent again. “Tell me what you need to do this weekend. Do you need to be studying?” She peered down at her wife, desperate to make things right.

 

Naomi nodded. “In the morning, I really have to. But I can take time out for the barbecue. Kit and Emily will help you, I’m sure,” she supplied.

 

“How about if Sunday, you excuse yourself and study on campus, and then Sunday night, I’ll take you out for a romantic dinner wherever you’d like?” Kieran asked, trying to appease her wife.

 

Naomi smiled. “That would be wonderful.”

 

Kieran kissed her gently, exploring the soft contours of her lips, so grateful for a chance to make amends. “I love you, Naomi,” she whispered. “This won’t happen again, my beloved,” she used the vernacular of Qian. “You are my chosen. My equal.” Kieran kissed her cheek in the ritual fashion.

 

“My Familiar,” Naomi agreed, “my beloved.” She kissed Kieran’s cheek in return. She laced her fingers in Kieran’s, gazing up through strawberry blonde eyelashes. “We should get back to our guests. But stay away from Robin Lefler,” she teased playfully. “I don’t like the way she still ogles you.”

 

Kieran pulled up short. “Does she? I hadn’t noticed.”

 

Naomi nodded. “Let’s just say if she doesn’t start paying more attention to Rachel’s ass and less to yours, I’m going to deck her.”

 

“Honey,” Kieran assured her, “my ass belongs to you, right along with my heart, my soul, and the rest of my body. My future is yours to do with what you will. Robin Lefler holds no interest for me whatsoever, other than as Kit’s therapist. I promise.”

 

“Glad to hear it. I’m still going to deck her if I see her leering again,” Naomi insisted, giggling.

 

_________________

 

Kit Wildman brushed her lips over Emily Frazier’s throat, intoxicated by the heat rising from the delicate flesh. They had been dancing for over an hour, and the temptation of Emily’s nearness was simply an irresistible force for Kit.

 

“Samurai,” Emily whispered, almost a sigh, “you’d better stop that. We have an audience,” she warned.

 

“Who?” Kit ignored her remonstrations, nuzzling her throat more insistently.

 

“Admiral Brand,” Emily advised, feeling Kit withdraw immediately. “She’s talking to Kate Pulaski about us.”

 

“Why would she do that?” Kit looked into Emily’s eyes. “We’re not that interesting.”

 

Emily kissed her to cover the look of panic on her face. “We should leave, because I can’t make myself be good anymore, and I want to touch you so much,” she breathed against Kit’s ear.

 

Kit involuntarily arched against her, eyes closing as the desire coursed in her body. “Ems,” she gasped faintly. “I want to be with you,” she nearly moaned the confession. “In fact, I think we should do something really special, because this is such an important night,” she decided. “Let’s get a room here. They have huge beds and spas and we can make love for hours.” She wrapped her arms around Emily’s waist, kissing her shoulders.

 

“We can do that?” Emily was surprised.

 

“I’ll send Kieran a message on the comm system, and tell her we’ll be home in the morning, and that we’re staying on campus. She won’t mind. And then we can have all the privacy we want, and we can be as loud as we feel like being.” She smiled seductively, taking Emily’s hands and tugging her toward the exit. “I’ve got the cost covered. We can even order room service when we run out of strength, and need to refuel.” She waggled her eyebrows.

 

Emily blushed. “You must have some marathon planned.” She grinned wickedly. “Okay, let’s do it,” she agreed.

 

They practically skipped to the front desk to make the arrangements.

 

________________

 

Rachel McVicker stretched languidly on the floor, leaning her back against the couch. Robin sat beside her, legs against her chest, leaning on her arms and listening to Rachel talk about her most recent all terrain race. “Australia is brutal,” she was saying, “all full of wild animals and almost nothing edible, and the most god-awful weather on the planet. It’s so hot. I didn’t think I was going to make it,” she admitted, sipping her margarita. “Did you know Australia has some of the deadliest snakes in the world?”

 

Robin nodded. “I think I knew that. Did you run into any?” She was captivated by the story.

 

“Yeah, several. I almost got bit by a brown snake. I didn’t see it until it hissed at me, and by then, it was in striking distance.”

 

Robin’s eyes bulged with fear. “God, what did you do? I hate snakes. They remind me of Cardassians,” she shuddered, thinking she hated Cardassians more than anything else, ever.

 

Rachel grinned. “I stood very still, tried not to wet myself, and waited for it to calm down. It crawled away, after a few minutes. But that was my closest call to date. I came in third. I’m hoping to improve my time in the next outing,” she noted.

 

“And this is fun for you?” Robin wanted to know.

 

“Well, fun isn’t exactly the right word,” she admitted. “It’s more like a way to push myself to my limits, and see how much grit I’ve got. There are times, on these hikes, when I’m starving and desperate and hurting, and I’m ready to cry because I just want it to be over with. You learn a lot about yourself at times like that. It’s amazing, what you’re willing to do to stay alive—what you’ll eat, what you’ll try to eat, what you’ll think about eating. But it’s not for everyone, I admit,” she chuckled.

“Sounds like the survival training we had to take at the Academy,” Robin noted. “I hated that class.”

 

“Yeah, it’s a lot like that, only you don’t have anyone to team up with, no Starfleet gadgets, and no communicator linking you to a lifeline. It’s like survival training factored to a power of five,” she explained. “And I hated survival class too, so I’m not sure why I’m so hooked on this sport.” Rachel leaned her head on her hand, arm propped on the seat of the couch. “Listen to me, droning on and on. I’m sorry. KT invited me here to meet you, and I’m just being rude.”

 

Robin rested a hand on Rachel’s thigh, not really thinking about the familiarity of the gesture. “You’re fine,” she confirmed. “I’m interested in what you’re saying. It sounds grueling, but really fascinating. I admire women who do things I never could.”

 

Rachel smiled. “You actually almost married KT?” she had to get the dirt.

 

Robin rolled her eyes. “Yeah, almost. I had a lapse in judgment and broke it off, though. And it was definitely my loss.”

 

Rachel lay her hand over Robin’s, which was still on her thigh. “I find that very hard to believe,” she flirted. “But I’d love to hear the story.”

 

Robin swallowed hard. It was not a part of her history she was proud of. “I’d rather hear more about you,” she diverted the subject.

 

Rachel shrugged. “Suffering from insomnia, are you?” She took Robin’s hand in hers. “Did KT tell you she and I were lovers?”

 

Robin’s face fell. “She absolutely did not. That’s a story I want to hear.” She squeezed Rachel’s hand in her own.

 

“It wasn’t actually me. See, she got lost in a spatial rift, and in one of the parallel universes she went to, she and I were lovers. She didn’t tell you about it?”

 

“She never even mentioned the spatial rift.” Robin was suddenly animated. “I’m going to have to dig that story out of her. God, you guys had such amazing adventures on Voyager. I can’t wait to get on a ship again,” she said enviously. “Tell me the story, please.” She leaned closer to her date.

 

Rachel smiled. “Why don’t we go for a walk, and I’ll tell you the whole thing? My legs are getting restless, sitting here. It’s the downside of my sport—I can’t sit still for very long.”

 

Robin gracefully unfolded herself and reached down to pull Rachel upright. “I could use some air, myself,” she decided.

 

They let themselves out the front door, not bothering to tell anyone where they were going. As soon as they were on the porch, Robin slipped her hand into Rachel’s again, leading her down the steps and up the sidewalk.

 

“KT was taking her pilot’s exam,” Rachel began, green eyes glistening beneath the halogen lamps, fingers tingling.

 

__________________

 

The room was enormous and elegantly appointed, and Kit Wildman stood there, mouth agape. “I asked for the honeymoon suite,” she explained. “I didn’t know it was more like a penthouse,” she laughed.

 

Emily insinuated herself into Kit’s arms, not really interested in the furnishings. “I can’t remember when I’ve ever been this anxious to get you into bed,” she said in a husky voice. “I like dancing with you. And I like you in silk.” She ran her hands up Kit’s burgundy sleeves, feeling the fabric beneath her fingertips.

 

“Ems,” Kit said with a catch in her voice, “I’m crazy about you, you know that? Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? That dress is torture,” she breathed, kissing Emily’s shoulders and running her palms over Emily’s back. Emily shivered. “You can feel that?” Kit asked excitedly. “On your back?”

 

Emily smiled. “Yes. The sensation is coming back, gradually. Doctor Pulaski is very happy with my recovery,” she informed her lover.

 

“Then I think I need to spend some time acquainting your back and shoulders with my kisses,” Kit advised, turning Emily away from her to do just that. “I love when you kiss mine, and I want you to know how good it feels, too.”

 

She left a trail of gentle, puckering kisses across Emily’s shoulder blades, listening to the smaller woman’s response, delighting in the changes in her respiration. “Ems,” she whispered, letting her breath skate over Emily’s skin, “I love you so much.”

 

Emily turned back toward her, facing her, reaching for her vest buttons. “I want to be next to you,” she said quietly, nimble fingers working the fastenings loose.

 

They undressed each other slowly, lingering over the newly exposed flesh, stopping to kiss intermittently. Finally they were unclothed, and Kit moved them to the bed, pulling Emily down with her as she flung the covers back. They stretched together, bodies pressed tightly, mouths searching hungrily, already aching from hours of anticipation. Kit lay on top of Emily, balancing over her, careful not to crush her, but moving suggestively against her. Emily groaned softly, feeling the intrusion of Kit’s thigh between her legs, the hard muscle rubbing against her distended lips, the first indications of wetness warming Kit’s skin.

 

Kit kissed her hard, parting her lips with an insistent tongue, her mind consumed with what they intended to do to each other. She was so aroused, she was afraid she would come without making it past the first few touches, but she disciplined her breathing and her response, focusing her mind. It had taken them weeks to understand how to control and harness their responses to one another, how to master their pleasure and make it last and intensify. The learning process had been filled with love and with discovery, and they trusted each other implicitly with their vulnerability now. Kit found the most effective foreplay for her was making love to Emily, whose words and incoherent sounds drove her half mad with desire. But this night, Kit was already close to frantic, after fantasizing all evening about Emily’s mouth enfolding her.

 

Emily moved beneath her, rolling them over, taking the lead. “This night is for you, Samurai,” she said, peering intently into Kit’s eyes. “I want you to tell me what feels good, and if anything feels wrong, stop me. All right?”

 

Kit nodded wordlessly, throat aching. “Ems,” she sighed, “you don’t have to--”

 

“Hush.” Emily kissed her forcefully, searching her mouth deeply, the way Kit loved her to. She loved the contrast of gentle, delicate Emily, being demanding that way.

 

Emily kissed her face, her chin, her throat, puckering her lips over the sinews, licking softly where her lips roamed. Kit stroked her fingers up Emily’s back, so pleased that her lover could actually feel her caress now. She quickly forgot how pleased she was at Emily’s recovery when Emily’s mouth surrounded her nipples, each in turn. She felt a jolt between her legs, the ache and heat focusing in her clit, and the subtle trickle of fluid between her thighs. Emily pleasured her breasts attentively, suckling and nipping until Kit was moaning uncontrollably.

 

“God,” she breathed, “I love being able to hear you, instead of having to be quiet,” Emily told Kit, smiling around a full nipple.

 

“Oh, Ems,” Kit groaned, “I want you.” She clutched at Emily’s hair, pressing Emily’s face against her chest. “God, I can’t take much more.” She shuddered, body taut with need.

 

Emily felt a surge in her belly, a burning need to make Kit talk more, a passionate urge to wring her response from her.  “It’s okay, love.” She brushed her hand lightly over Kit’s belly, soothing her. “Breathe with me. I want this to last.” She nuzzled Kit’s abdomen with her lips, teasing. She smiled at Kit’s’ fingers as they grasped the sheets to gain an edge of control. “Kit,” she whispered, trailing her fingers down Kit’s arms, “relax.”

 

Kit consciously forced herself to let go of the tension in her muscles, but the burning between her legs remained. She took deep, ragged breaths, trying to calm herself. When her respiration was more even, Emily touched her, parting her legs gently, carefully, face pressed against Kit’s belly, lips lightly caressing with a hint of where they would soon go. Kit swallowed hard, a thin veneer of sweat beading on her forehead. Emily kissed and licked her muscular stomach, moving down between her legs, easing her thighs further apart. She traced the curve of Kit’s thighs with her kisses, getting the first scent of Kit’s sex, the musky heat of it stronger than Emily had ever found on her fingers after they made love. She could see Kit’s labia, the soft lips swollen and dark, and she brushed her cheek over them, listening to Kit’s sudden intake of breath. She kissed them, tasting tentatively, the initial shock of the flavor washing over her. Less pungent than she expected, and the immediate reaction the touch elicited from Kit, whose legs drew up involuntarily, made Emily instantly embrace this form of sex. Emily could see Kit digging her fingers into the mattress, and the soft, low moan that emanated from deep in her body made Emily’s heart race. She sucked Kit’s labia into her mouth, parting them with her tongue, finding the center of Kit’s need. Kit whimpered, her breathing quick and shallow as Emily loved her, gently flicking the tip of her tongue over Kit’s node, more certainly as her mouth adjusted to the textures and the taste and the shape of Kit’s body.

 

Kit cried out after the briefest of intervals, coming sharply and forcefully, with more sound and power than she ever had. Emily kept at her, not certain if she should stop, until Kit pushed her head away. “No, no more, please,” she begged, groaning as if in agony. “Come up here.” She reached for her lover, bringing them face to face.

 

They kissed passionately, endlessly, Kit’s essence intermingling in their kiss. They clung to one another, Kit feeling overwhelmed by it all, Emily thinking to herself how silly it had been to have been so afraid of something so simple. Emily hoped the experience had been what Kit imagined it would be, and that she had given her, finally, what she needed. She brushed Kit’s hair back from her forehead, peering down at her, eyes soft with love.

 

Kit smiled up at her, grateful and knowing, golden eyes damp with the fierceness of her emotion. “Ems,” she breathed her name like a prayer, eyes closing against the flood of tenderness welling in her chest. “That was so amazing.” She kissed her questioningly.

 

Emily smiled. “It was good for you? Worth waiting for?” she asked hopefully.

 

Kit nodded. “Let me show you,” she said huskily, turning them over. “I love you,” she promised her, kissing her lingeringly.

 

Emily held Kit’s face in her hands as they kissed, thinking about how different Kit’s lips felt from the lips she had just explored. The thought excited her, and she felt herself yielding to Kit’s hands, to her restless hips.

 

Kit nibbled Emily’s throat, something that always made her ready, suckling and retreating, careful not to leave a mark. Emily bared her neck by turning her head, pressing Kit’s face into the sensitive spot with her hand. She arched beneath Kit’s hands as they encompassed small, firm breasts, stroking the delicate swells with aching thumbs. Kit kissed her throat, her chest, and finally her breasts, teasing and taunting until she felt Emily push her shoulders, urging her lower.

 

Emily’s thighs were so soft against Kit’s cheeks, she felt like crying. Instead she cupped Emily’s legs in her generous hands, nuzzling the flesh of her inner thighs, her breath warm and tantalizing as it ghosted over Emily’s sex. Kit thought about how good Emily had felt, loving her, and wanted more than anything to return the sensation. She smiled, remembering, and boldly pressed her face into Emily. A mild, sweet taste, the juice of an apple, Kit thought as she explored the moist folds. Emily gasped at the first touch of Kit’s tongue, her hand resting on the top of Kit’s head, as if to be sure of the source of her pleasure. Kit was velvet against her clit, and Emily moaned in rhythm to the motion of flesh against flesh.

 

Kit parted her more deeply, tasting her opening, and following with her fingers. Emily sighed and pulled the long digits into herself, lifting her hips for the penetration. Kit obliged by sliding out in a slow, slick motion, feeling Emily’s walls tightening around her fingers. She found Emily’s clit, gently coaxed it from beneath its hood, and held it between her lips while her tongue danced over it. Emily’s body was so lovely, so ready, Kit thought, her legs straining with the intensity of the pleasure. And then she was coming, the pitch of her voice almost shrill with need, crying out “Kit, don’t stop, oh, God, please, don’t stop.”

 

Kit held her in place, loving her gently as the wave crested, backing off as it broke over them, her touch barely perceptible as the last of the climax ebbed away. She withdrew her fingers carefully, drawing them through the copious fluid just to hear Emily gasp at the sudden invasion, moving over Emily’s body to hold her. They kissed each other powerfully, mouths nearly bruising with their intensity, emotions piercing and demanding, rolling onto their sides, then Kit pulling Emily over.

 

Emily collapsed in Kit’s arms, finally, laughing weakly, head on Kit’s broad shoulder.

 

“What’s funny, love?” Kit smiled, cradling Emily’s dark hair in her hand.

 

“No wonder you thought that was a big deal,” she chuckled, sliding her arm around Kit’s torso.

 

“You liked it, a little?” she teased.

 

Emily grinned, nodding. “I probably won’t ever let you do anything else, anymore,” she replied, squeezing Kit closer. “It’s so different, the way your fingers feel touching me, versus your tongue.”

 

“You like my tongue better, I take it?” Kit rubbed her palm over Emily’s back, reveling in the feeling of the freshly healed skin.

 

“I like both,” Emily hastily replied. “But your tongue is so much softer, so much warmer, just more intense, all the way around. I can’t describe it. It defies words, it was so good,” she snuggled into her lover.

 

“I think I might need a lot more practice,” Kit joked. “Will you let me make love to you again?”

 

Emily raised herself up on one arm, looking at her lover. “You’d better,” she said with mock sternness.

 

Kit smiled, drawing Emily into a breathless kiss. “I could do this all night,” she speculated. “Every night, for the rest of our lives.”

 

“Don’t ever let go of me,” Emily whispered, kissing Kit gently. “I need you so much,” she admitted. “I was terrified when I saw you with Shane. I never want to feel that afraid of anything again.” She hugged Kit almost desperately, thinking how insecure she had felt.

 

Kit cupped Emily’s face in her hand. “I need you, too,” she advised her confidently. “And you never have to be afraid I’ll let go. I gave you my promise to wear, for everyone to see.”

 

Emily looked at the ring, watching the tiny diamonds sparkling in the light. “I love it, Sam,” she assured her. “I love sparkly things—sunlight on the water, stars, your smile when you’re up to no good—but this will always be the best of all. And I’m holding you to your promise,” she noted sincerely. “Next year, we’ll get engaged. Senior year, we’ll get married, and then we can ship out together.”

 

Kit smiled, kissing her. “Honey, if we’ve already decided to get married, then aren’t we already engaged?” she challenged. “Isn’t that what it means to be engaged?” she laughed.

 

Emily grinned. “I guess it does. So I guess we are. Only, I don’t think we’d better tell your parents, just yet.”

 

Kit howled with laughter. “I don’t think so either, Ems.” Her eyes watered with mirth. “Poor Kieran almost had heart failure when I showed her this ring.”

 

Emily’s face fell. “She knows and she objects?” She sounded hurt.

 

“No, she told me to get it for you. What scared the bejesus out of her was when I told her I wanted to get you a gift, and I dragged her into the jewelry store. This ring was in a case with a huge selection of engagement rings, and the look on her face was just priceless. She was terrified I was going to ask you to marry me. She was a lot more comfortable with a promise ring. She thought it was totally appropriate. But I could tell she was scared by the engagement thing,” she chuckled.

 

Emily was puzzled. “Why would she be worried? Naomi is younger than we are, and she’s married to Kieran,” she said slightly indignantly. “Doesn’t she think I’m good enough for you?”

 

Kit moved over her, looking down at her with a sober expression. “She adores you, Ems. She knows how in love we are. Do you think if she objected, she’d be letting us live together this summer? She was all for it, and all for us. She tries to be neutral, so I can make my own choices, but I know her, and I know she wants to see us together. She’s the one that practically pushed you into asking me to go steady, after all,” Kit defended her mother.

 

“Yeah,” Emily sighed, her momentary indignation subsiding. “She has been supportive. I just get a little touchy when I think anyone might oppose us. I can’t fathom why they wouldn’t just think we’re terrific together. I think we are,” she asserted fondly.

 

“Me, too. And our opinion is the only one that counts. So if we decide we’re engaged, then we are, and that’s that. We can just keep it to ourselves, until it’s time to make an announcement.”

 

“I want to take your name,” Emily said softly. “I belong to your family, not to anyone named Frazier. I love your family. I want to be one of them.”

 

Kit’s face shone with love for her partner. “I’d love you to take my name. Naomi will be thrilled, I know she will. She told Kieran it’s like you’re her daughter, and I’m Kieran’s. That seemed fitting to me. The only reason they probably haven’t adopted you is because you and I are lovers,” she smiled.

 

“Ooooh,” Emily pushed her away. “Incest. We better call this off right now,” she joked.

 

Kit fixed her with a penetrating look. “If you call it off, you’ll break my heart,” she protested. “I feel like I waited my whole life for you, like I went through so much just to find you. I don’t think I could stand to lose you.”

 

Emily kissed her tenderly, her heart full and aching. “I couldn’t stand to let go, either,” she admitted. “So let’s just agree we never will.”

 

“Agreed.” Kit smiled. Her stomach growled like a lion roaring, and they both laughed. “I think we need to get something to eat. Let’s look at the room service menu.” She pulled out the drawer of the nightstand, removing the list. “Oh, gosh, look at all this stuff,” she said, impressed.

 

Emily looked too, mouth watering. “That’ll teach us to get so turned on we skip dinner,” she scolded herself and Kit. “Look at the prices on these things.”

 

“Hey,” Kit told her, completely relaxed, “this is our special night. You agreed, in principle, to marry me. We can order the whole menu. After all, I have a huge trust fund, and if you’re going to be my wife, it’s your money too.”

 

Emily shook her head. “I can tell who is going to be the keeper of the budget in this marriage.” She rolled her eyes. “But for one night, we can splurge. What should we get?”

 

Kit grinned. “Something with lots of carbs. You’re going to need a ton of energy,” she vowed.

 

_____________

 

Naomi Wildman stretched the overuse from her muscles, smiling faintly at the soreness in her legs and buttocks. Kieran had loved her thoroughly the night before, and she was going to feel it for a couple of days, she knew. She slid her hand across the sheets, reaching for her wife, but the bed was empty. “KT?” she asked, but no reply was forthcoming. She groaned, her body complaining, and she untangled herself from the sheets. She sat up gingerly, laughing at herself for being so stiff.

 

She glanced across their bedroom, and on the dresser, she spotted a dozen yellow roses. Curious, she crept out of bed, found the card in the greenery, and saw that it was addressed to her.

 

            “My Darling Naomi:

 

For the rest of my life, it will be you, always, and only you. The universe is in your eyes, and there can be no restlessness for me.

 

Ever your devoted wife,

Kieran Wildman”

 

Kieran pushed open the double doors to their bedroom, bringing breakfast and a brilliant smile. “Good morning,” she said happily. “Nice outfit.” She quirked an eyebrow at Naomi’s nakedness.

 

“Honey,” Naomi touched the soft sunshine-colored petals of the flowers, sniffing them. “These are lovely. Thank you.”

 

Kieran set the serving tray on the bed, watching her wife. “I thought it was about time I indulged in some tedious romanticism,” she said with a grin. “God, you’re gorgeous,” she said wolfishly. “Come here,” she invited her, holding out her hand.

 

Naomi pouted. “You’re already dressed. Don’t you know when you bring me breakfast in bed, you have to be the appetizer?”

 

“Oh, well let me fix that,” Kieran agreed immediately, stripping off her sweatshirt and jeans.

 

“Leave the underwear,” Naomi ordered, stopping her hands. “I like to be the one that takes that off,” she flirted.

 

“Saucy,” Kieran teased, waggling her eyebrows. “Are you hungry?” She lifted the stasis lid, fanning her hand over the steaming waffles so that the fragrance wafted to Naomi’s nostrils.

 

“Famished,” Naomi agreed. “We worked off a bazillion calories last night.”

 

Kieran eased them both into bed, careful not to dump the tray. “I didn’t hear you complaining, any, at the time,” she noted facetiously. “I heard a lot of encouraging things come out of your mouth, but not a single complaint.”

 

Naomi blushed. “God, I hope I didn’t keep Kit and Emily awake. Kathryn and Seven, I never worry about, since we’re always getting an earful from them. Gosh, and I forgot about Rachel,” she sounded genuinely worried.

 

Kieran kissed her gently. “Kit and Emily didn’t come home. That dress was apparently just too much for Kit, and she succumbed to the effects before 10 o’clock. She sent me a message to tell us not to worry, they’ll be home this morning. The timestamp was from the Intergalactic Suites,” Kieran gossiped.

 

“Doing it in style,” Naomi said enviously. She removed stasis lids from the feast, murmuring over it. “Like your daughter, you know how to seduce a woman, Kieran Wildman. This looks great.” She started fixing them both plates of fruit and waffles.

 

“As for Rachel, I don’t think she slept. She and Robin were sitting up talking when I went down to make breakfast. They declined my offer to fix them something, and went out to a restaurant,” she reported, waggling her eyebrows. “I knew they’d like each other,” she congratulated herself.

 

Naomi giggled. “How could they not? They’re both raving beauties,” she noted. “So do you think Kit and Emily have done any reef diving, yet?” she whispered, wanting mopre gossip.

 

Kieran took a huge bite of strawberry, coloring her lips red. “If I know Kit, that’s why they got a room last night. They have a little trouble being quiet together, and I think she knew that particular deed would overload her plasma conduit,” she tattled, feeding Naomi a piece of the ripe fruit. “My guess is that they put the sound proofing in the suites to the test,” she laughed. She took a chunk of mango in her fingertips, offering it to Naomi.

 

Naomi gazed up at her lovingly. “You do remember,” she murmured, taking the proffered fruit in her lips, kissing the juice from Kieran’s fingers.

 

“Honey, of course I do,” Kieran followed the bright yellow flesh with her lips, kissing Naomi softly. “It’s just that on Qian, we had all the time in the world to feed each other, and now, we don’t. But I promise not to sacrifice romance for efficiency,” she assured her, tearing off a piece of waffle and giving it to Naomi. “Not if it means so much to you,” she said apologetically.

 

Naomi took it delicately, smiling. “I just don’t think I should have to be dying for us to appreciate our time, the way we used to. I know living that way every second would be too intense, but sometimes, I still need that from you. I’m sorry if I’m greedy or demanding.” She touched Kieran’s cheek, feeling the softness of it.

 

“You’re not, sweetie,” Kieran promised. “I’m flattered that you want that sort of attention from me. I know there are a thousand other people on campus that would gladly lavish their affection and intimacy on you. I’m glad you want mine.” She kissed her passionately.

 

“There may be a thousand, but you’re the only one I trust to share it with,” Naomi said between kisses. “I must get asked out four or five times a week,” she admitted, “often by people who know I’m married. I just don’t understand that mentality.”

 

Kieran swallowed her instant jealousy. “I do, when it comes to you. You’re a lot to resist,” she echoed something Kit had told Naomi in Naomi’s hallucination. “I stopped trying a long time ago.”

 

Naomi rested her head on Kieran’s shoulder, thinking. “I have a better idea what it was like for you, now that Kit lives with us,” she offered. “When I think about my third hallucination, and how intimate Kit and I were, and then I think about our daughter, it is a very disconcerting thing. It was asking the world of you, to have you work through your feelings of conflict over me.”

 

“Yes, and no, Na.” Kieran fed her a slice of banana. “I fell so hard for you, I didn’t have a choice but to work through my feelings. The dichotomy in my head was agonizing. But love won out. In the end, I was hostage to it. I still am. If you told me tomorrow that you’ve outgrown this marriage, I would understand, and I would be miserable, but I would let you go. But I’d still be waiting for you when you were done exploring what else is out there.”

 

“My beloved,” Naomi said quietly, closing her eyes against the intense emotion. “I’ve seen what else is out there. It’s all smoke and mirrors. I’ve known you as a child, and as a woman, and as a lover, and as your wife. You are the one constant in my life. I can imagine changing careers, or domiciles, even parents, because I’ve done that. But I cannot imagine living without being your lover. The only way our marriage will ever end is if you want it to, because I never will. I may need more from you than you have to give, at times, and I may get demanding. But in the end, what we have is the most important thing of all—not school, not jobs, not kids, not friends. Us. It’s the only thing we can take with us—love.” She fed Kieran several pieces of fruit, watching her mouth envelope each one in turn, mesmerized and aroused. “I don’t understand why that affects me so much, but it does,” she puzzled over it.

 

“I understand it,” Kieran set the tray in the floor, taking Naomi into her arms. “It makes you wish your body were the fruit,” she reasoned. “It makes you jealous that my tongue is caressing something besides you,” she continued, kissing Naomi’s throat.

 

They kissed deeply, longingly, beginning the dance once again. “I think,” Naomi gasped into Kieran’s mouth, “I envy the mango the most,” she decided. “I’ve seen how you roll it in your mouth, savoring it.” She arched into Kieran’s hands.

 

“That’s because it’s my favorite,” Kieran said softly, caressing Naomi’s breasts. “But it doesn’t taste nearly as satisfying as you.” She nuzzled her way down Naomi’s body, intending to show her.

 

Naomi smiled as Kieran’s lips encircled her, thinking she was not going to get any studying done today. It was an acceptable trade off, she figured, in the grand scheme of things: pleasure and passion for knowledge.

 

___________________

 

Kit and Emily came slinking into the house well after ten a.m., trying unsuccessfully to be inconspicuous. Kathryn pounced on them immediately.

 

“Late night?” Kathryn chided them, making them both color. “You don’t look nearly as pressed and coiffed as when you left,” she pointed out to the disheveled women.

 

Kit rolled her eyes. “Let’s go get into something comfortable and recycle these,” she invited Emily to her room.

 

“I want one of your sweatshirts, Samurai,” Emily demanded, running for the stairs, if only to escape scrutiny.

 

“Kathryn,” Seven scolded her, “don’t tease them. You remember what it’s like when you first fall in love. Have some empathy.” She slipped her arms around her wife.

 

“I remember better what it’s like to fall in love all over again,” Kathryn flirted, kissing her, lingering over her lips.

 

Seven smiled softly into their kiss. “I think it’s better, the second time,” she decided. “But then, you’ve matured since the first time,” she said dryly.

 

Kit and Emily came thundering down the stairs again, making a beeline for the kitchen. Kathryn couldn’t resist following them. “What’s making you so ravenous?” she asked innocently. “You act like you haven’t eaten in days.” She smirked as the girls tore into the assortment of bagels on the counter.

 

Kit gave her a dirty look. “Youthful exuberance,” she smarted. “You might not remember it,” she added scowling playfully at Kathryn.

 

Kathryn howled with laughter, her head thrown back, auburn hair swaying gently. “You are definitely Kieran’s daughter, you wise-ass,” she accused, nudging Kit, who was giggling. She sat down next to Emily at the breakfast bar. “Oh, my,” she said with awe, taking Emily’s hand to study her promise ring. “This is pretty. Is it new?” she asked pointedly.

 

Emily blushed, gazing at it in wonder. “Kit gave it to me last night. Isn’t it beautiful?”

 

“Extraordinary,” Kathryn agreed. She fixed Kit with a mock glare. “Cadet Wildman, exactly what is the meaning of this?”

 

Kit was already so ingrained with Starfleet protocol, she actually stiffened at the tone of Kathryn’s voice. “Captain,” she replied formally. “I don’t understand the question, Sir,” she said nervously.

 

Kathryn softened immediately, her tone playful. “At ease, Kit. What exactly does a ring like that mean? Is it just a gift, or does it have a specific connotation?”

 

Kit smiled, taking Emily’s hand. “It means I’m in love with her,” she admitted, unable to deny it to anyone. “It’s my promise to her that when we’re older, we’ll talk about making this more definite,” she settled on that explanation, eyes never leaving Emily’s.

 

“Like a pre-engagement ring,” Kathryn affirmed. “I’ve heard of that in cultures where marriages are arranged. It’s very sweet.” She smiled at Seven, who was watching the girls intently. “Speaking of sweet, my mother sent you your very own batch of caramel brownies,” she remembered. “They’re in the cookie jar, if you’re so inclined.”

 

Kit grinned at her. “And you didn’t snitch half of them?”

 

“Well, only one,” Kathryn confessed.

 

“In that case, I take back what I said about your not remembering youthful exuberance. As grandmothers go, you’re pretty good at it,” Kit praised her.

 

Kathryn bristled. “Just because Naomi adopted you does not make me your grandmother,” she protested. “Family, yes, but I am not old enough to have a granddaughter your age.”

 

“Damn,” Kit pouted. “And I was going to give you a card for mother’s day, too,” she smarted, loving bantering with the Captain.

 

Rachel McVicker came back from her breakfast with Robin Lefler, no longer accompanied by the counselor.

 

“Don’t tell me you scared her off,” Seven scolded her old colleague.

 

Rachel grinned. “Quite the contrary,” she bragged. “She’s coming back for the barbecue, as planned. AND,” she hesitated, letting the suspense build, “she’s coming to visit me in Illinois next weekend,” she said smugly. “I think she might like me,” she added hopefully. “We stayed up all night talking. I am so exhausted,” she admitted. “Four cups of coffee and I could still fall asleep standing up,” she laughed.

 

Kit smiled at their guest. “My room is empty, if you need to take a nap,” she offered hospitably.

 

Rachel touched her arm. “Thanks, Kit. I might take you up on it, but only if you’re sure I won’t be intruding. When I got the grand tour of the house, it looked to me like you and Emily have your own little hideout, up in the attic,” she teased.

 

“Yeah, we do, but we don’t have to be in it all the time,” Emily offered. “It’s really okay. You look tired.”

 

“I am, but I’m very excited. Wouldn’t it just beat all if KT was right about Robin and I?” Rachel was enchanted by the prospect. “I didn’t even think KT was speaking to me, until she sent me the invitation to come visit.”

 

Seven raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t she be speaking to you?” She leaned against the kitchen counters, scrutinizing the raven-haired athlete.

 

“I dated B’Elanna, right after they broke up, remember? She hadn’t spoken to me since then, and I didn’t get invited to her wedding, either. I was one of the ones who snubbed her and Naomi,” she explained.

 

Kit bit her lip, not certain she liked this person any longer. “Snubbed KT and Naomi? For what?”

 

Rachel sighed. “My own narrow-mindedness, Kit. You have to understand, Naomi was born on Voyager. To all of us, she was just a little girl, the lone child on the ship for the first few years we were lost. She was everyone’s kid, really. And then she started to grow up, and it happened so fast it threw us all. When she and Kieran got involved, nobody dealt with it very well.”

 

Seven narrowed her brows, stating the facts bluntly. “Almost everyone accused Kieran of being a child molester,” she said angrily. “And nothing was further from the truth.”

 

“Nothing was further from the truth, though I was one of the last to see that,” Kathryn agreed. “I’m ashamed to admit I was probably one of the worst critics Kieran had. But we all apologized, and mended fences, and realized how wrong we were to judge her,” she sighed regretfully. “It was a difficult time and an even more difficult adjustment.”

 

Kit’s gut churned. “Kieran? Was accused of child molesting?” Her bottom lip trembled.

 

Emily could see her lover was getting terribly upset, and slipped her hand into Kit’s.

 

“Not formally. It was just the opinion of the crew,” Rachel corrected her. “But Naomi wasn’t a child anymore. The Doctor told us that in no uncertain terms, but prejudice is a tough thing to deal with. Kieran lost a lot of friends over that relationship, Kathryn,” she tried to console the older woman. “Not just you and I.”

 

Kit turned to Seven, trusting her opinion more than anyone else in the room. “What did you think, Seven? Did you think Kieran was—guilty of that?” she asked, her voice barely audible, face filled with fear.

 

Seven gathered Kit into a hug. “Not for a second,” she assured her. “I know Kieran better than I know myself, and I know she would never hurt a child. I also know Naomi was an adult, both emotionally and physically, and she was fully capable of consent. There was no coercion. In fact, Naomi actually coerced Kieran, if you think about it,” Seven realized. “I approved of their relationship from the start. I may have been their only advocate, in the beginning. But it didn’t take long for everyone to realize the validity of that relationship.” She let Kit go, though it was clear from Kit’s expression she was confused.

 

Rachel snorted. “Yeah? Tell that to the assholes who beat Kieran half to death,” she growled.

 

Kit’s face went white. “Someone assaulted her? Over Naomi?” she held herself around the middle, feeling sick.

 

Rachel nodded. “Poor Harry Kim found her, almost dead, in the corridor after Beta shift. He told me she was beaten so badly, he didn’t recognize her, except the person was so tall and clearly female that it had to be KT.” Rachel shuddered, remembering Harry’s description.

 

Kit was overwhelmed by the information. “I can’t believe anyone would think—could think—Kieran was capable of anything so putrid,” she was furious. “She’s the only reason I’m not being raped every night by my uncle. She saved me from that exact thing. God, what is wrong with this world, that someone so kind and giving could be treated that way, while my uncle walked through the world unscathed for ten fucking years?”

 

Emily hugged Kit from behind, trying to calm her down. “It’s ancient history, Samurai. Didn’t KT tell you any of this?”

 

Kit turned to face her. “No. She told you?” Kit was incensed that no one had ever mentioned it.

 

Emily shook her head. “Naomi did. I thought you knew. She probably didn’t tell you because the child molesting issue is so raw for you. Don’t you think? Look how angry you are, sweetie.”

 

Kieran and Naomi had finally forced themselves out of bed, and Kieran came into the kitchen, catching the tail end of the conversation.

 

“Kit,” she said gently, “what’s wrong?”

 

Kit leapt into her arms, the force of the hug practically lifting Kieran off the tile floor. “I can’t believe they tried to hurt you, Mom,” she started to cry. “And your friends deserted you, and said slanderous things against you,” she let it out in a rush. “How could you ever forgive any of them,” she demanded, hating Rachel and Kathryn, glaring over her shoulder at them.

 

Kathryn and Rachel squirmed inwardly, knowing they were guilty of betraying a friend, and someone Kit loved more than anyone else. Both women looked at their feet, unable to meet Kit’s accusing stare.

 

“Hey, sweetie,” Kieran said calmly, holding her and rubbing her back. “Don’t cry. What happened on Voyager, it was just a misunderstanding, that’s all. Nothing to hold a grudge over.” She soothed her hands over Kit’s shoulders, then cradled the back of her head in her hand. “Baby, it’s fine.”

 

Kit only clung to her harder. “Please don’t cry,” she begged. “Kit.” Kieran eased her away, looking into golden eyes. “Come talk to me about this. I want you to understand it. Okay?” She held Kit’s hands, using her most persuasive tone. “Come on, honey. I can explain it.”

 

Kit’s eyes were swollen and tinged with red, her face puffy and distraught. “Okay,” she agreed.  “I want to understand how you can even stand the sight of them,” she demanded.

 

“Would you please excuse us?” Kieran said to the assembled crowd. “I would appreciate, in the future, if you’d all give a little forethought to what you say in front of my children,” she bit her words off angrily. “I think,” Kieran took Kit’s hand and led her to the stairs, “Naomi needs to be in on this conversation. Is that okay?”

 

Kit nodded, still crying.

 

The two Wildmans ascended the stairs, and the women in the kitchen exhaled collectively.

 

“What the hell just happened?” Rachel held her hands out.

 

Emily fixed her with a glare. “You probably just ruined any chance you ever had of making Kit respect or like you,” she pointed out. “Kieran is her hero. And you hurt her hero. Doesn’t matter when it was, the fact remains.”

 

Rachel swallowed hard. “I—God, I didn’t mean to stick my foot in it,” she apologized. “What was all that about Kit’s uncle, and Kieran saving her?”

 

Seven sighed. “Let’s go sit by the pool, and I’ll tell you how Kit ended up being Kieran’s daughter,”she supplied. “You’re going to want something alcoholic to drink, believe me,” Seven warned, grabbing several Coronas from the refrigerator.

 

___________________

 

“I don’t understand it,” Kit insisted to her parents. “Why would you ever speak to any of them—especially Kathryn? How could she be so awful to you, to both of you?”

 

Kieran, Naomi and Kit sat on the bed in Naomi and Kieran’s room, all three cross-legged and discussing the past.

 

Kieran exhaled slowly. “Honey, it’s a fact of life when you let people love you and be part of your life that they are also going to hurt you, and make mistakes. It’s the intentional things you don’t forgive, I suppose, as easily. But no one set out to hurt us, except for whoever assaulted me. Kathryn didn’t want to hurt us. She wanted Naomi to have the life she had envisioned for her, and I wasn’t part of that life. So she reacted badly to us. If we choose in this life to never forgive anyone for the ways they hurt us, we end up very alone.”

 

Kit hugged her knees to her chest, still conflicted. “How could you find it in yourself to love her again, after what she did to you?”

 

Kieran shrugged. “I try very hard to see the best in people, even when they show me their worst. The only time I refuse to do that is when someone hurts you, or Naomi. I draw the line there. Naomi forgave Kathryn, and so I did too. If she had refused, I would have refused. It was much harder for me to forgive the things she did to Naomi than the things she did to me.”

 

“That must be why this hurts me so much,” Kit realized. “Because I hate them for hurting you guys. I can’t believe they could be so low.”

 

“But sweetie,” Naomi reasoned, taking Kit’s hand, “we have forgiven them. We aren’t hurting, anymore. You have to let this go, because it’s really a moot point, now. Kathryn learned her lesson, and she paid dearly for it. That’s the primary reason Seven doesn’t live with her, now. It’s taken them the better part of two years to resolve their differences, and it all started with how Kathryn reacted to Kieran and I falling in love.” She leaned down to catch Kit’s gaze, smiling reassurance at her.

 

Kieran nodded agreement. “People aren’t perfect, Kit, and they come into any relationship fraught with their frailties and their prejudices. Naomi and I had over twelve years of shared experiences with the people on our ship. We couldn’t just throw all that away, because of a few missteps, could we?” Kieran asked plaintively.

 

“How did you ever get through it?” Kit was awed by their strength.

 

Naomi smiled, taking Kieran’s hand. “We relied on each other, and on Seven. She never wavered for a second. And we learned to be each other’s strength. It made us more bonded than ever. It solidified the relationship,” she recalled.

 

“I can see how that would work,” Kit agreed. “Emily and I are probably more bonded just because we both know what it’s like to be abused. We share a lot, because we have that in common.” She studied Kieran intently. “And you really have forgiven them?”

 

“Absolutely. They’ve given Naomi and I every indication of supporting our relationship, and we’ve all moved on. Although it got pretty intense, there, a few times,” she laughed.

 

Kit finally smiled. “It did? Like how?”

 

Kieran winked at Naomi. “B’Elanna wanted to kick my ass pretty badly,” she admitted.

 

Naomi nodded. “But you are the slayer of Hirogen, and you kicked hers, instead,” she bragged.

 

Kit’s eyes widened. “You beat up a Klingon? God, you are so brave,” she breathed.

 

“No, I didn’t beat her up. Come on, Kit—you know me better than that. If I didn’t kick your uncle’s ass, it must mean I’m nonviolent, because I truly wanted to kill that son-of-a-bitch,” she noted. “I simply defended myself when B’Elanna lost her temper. That’s all.” She laughed. “Scared the piss out of Seven, though,” she chuckled. “I thought her Borgness was going to blow an implant, she was so shocked that I could best B'Elanna.”

 

Kit regarded them with new respect, thinking about all the couple had been through. “Thanks, you guys,” she finally said. “I feel better now. I just—God, that pissed me off,” she laughed. “I usually can use my martial arts training, and diffuse that sort of emotion, but I was in a rage over that. I guess I just love you guys so much, I can’t stand the thought of anyone hurting you, least of all the people you love and trust.” She toyed with her shoe string, contemplating it, making a mental note to have Seven tell her about the battle between Kieran and B'Elanna.

 

“I would appreciate it if you would apologize to Kathryn and Rachel, Kit,” Kieran said firmly. “They are guests in our house, and you should never be rude to a guest.”

 

“Yes, Ma’am,” she agreed immediately. “I will. I’m sorry, Mom. I just couldn’t help it,” she puzzled over it.

 

Kieran grinned. “I know the feeling. I had the same reaction to Shane Bilbrey trying to womanize you. I got tremendous satisfaction out of suspending her. Robin and I just shredded her in that hearing,” she snickered.

 

Kit’s eyes widened. “You and Robin did her disciplinary hearing?”

 

Kieran nodded. “It’s on record, now. I got pretty nasty with her. I told her she was very lucky that her behavior had not been a set back in your recovery, because if it had been, instead of having a hearing, Dr. Pulaski would have been surgically removing my boot from Shane’s ass. And I solemnly meant that.” Her eyes darkened at the memory of Shane’s callous disregard for Kit’s body.

 

Kit was stunned. “You’re the one who kicked her off the team? And tanked your chances of winning any games in the tournament?”

 

Kieran nodded emphatically. “I absolutely did. You’re more important than basketball, Kit. You’re more important than I can begin to tell you, and what she did was borderline sexual assault. Robin threatened to write her up for that, if Shane pissed Robin off in the hearing. But Robin and I were gentle, compared to Admiral Brand. I’ve never seen the Admiral get angry before. She had a vein as thick as my finger standing out in her forehead, she was so livid. I really thought she was going to veto the Board and expel Shane, instead of suspending her. I know it’s not supposed to be personal, but Amanda is very fond of you, and she was ready to kill Shane Bilbrey. Except she’d have had to get in line behind me,” Kieran scowled, smoothing the comforter with her hand. “I really owe you a debt of gratitude, Kit, because the breathing exercises you taught me, and the meditation techniques are the only thing that kept me from hurting Shane. I have never had to struggle for control like that in my entire life.”

 

Kit gazed lovingly at her mother, unable to find words for what she was feeling. “I can’t believe how much you love me, sometimes,” she finally said. “I guess if you’re a big enough person to forgive the people who have hurt you, I can forgive them too.”

 

Kieran smiled. “That’s good, because we all need forgiveness from each other, sometimes. For example, I’m particularly grateful that you forgave me for not figuring out what was really happening in your house,” she admitted. “I’ve kicked myself over that nonstop, since the night you showed up at my door.”

 

“Oh, KT,” Kit objected, “don’t. You couldn’t know. Nobody knew. My Aunt Grace didn’t even know and she lived there. There’s nothing to forgive,” she asserted, hugging her.

 

“And,” Kieran continued, “I am grateful that Naomi decided to forgive me for neglecting her terribly for the past few months. So Kit,” she asserted, looking at her intently, “I need to spend some time making that up to her, and I need you to understand that. Will you be okay, if Naomi and I go away together from time to time?”

 

“Of course I will, as long as you come back. Emily and I took off together last night. I understand why you would need to be alone. If I’m under foot too much, you’ll tell me, right?”

 

Naomi reached for Kit’s hand. “You are never under foot, sweetie. We love you. This is your home, and you have every right to be here. Kieran and I just need to remind ourselves, sometimes, how important we are to each other, apart from everyone and everything else,” she explained reasonably.

 

Kit nodded eagerly. “You should. It’s necessary,” she agreed. “I love you guys,” she assured them. “I’ll be fine.”

 

“Good.” Naomi squeezed her hand. “Now I have to hit the books, or I’m going to flunk my finals. Can you two handle the preparations for the barbecue?”

 

“I’ll clean the pool,” Kit offered. “And I’ll scrub the grill. What else needs to be done?”

 

“I’ll make the salsa and do the food prep,” Kieran agreed. “Then I need you to help me put up the volleyball net across the pool, because you and I are going to anchor the winning team, kiddo,” she enthused.

 

“Great. I’ll be down in a couple of hours, then.” Naomi smiled at them. “If you get in a bind, holler at me.”

________________

 

Kathryn Janeway glanced sheepishly in Kit’s direction as the young woman descended the stairs with her adoptive mother. Oh boy, I’m going to have to really win this kid over again, she decided.

 

Kit walked right up to her, folding her hands in front of her. “Kathryn,” she said softly, “I apologize to you for being angry with you. It wasn’t my place to take a position, and it wasn’t my business. Will you forgive me?”

 

Kathryn was expecting anything but an apology. “Of course I will, sweetie. There’s nothing to forgive. You had every right to be angry. Frankly, I feel fortunate that Kieran and Naomi can stand the sight of me,” she admitted. “What I did was unforgivable, but they apparently love me more than I deserve,” she said faintly.

 

Kieran grinned at her. “That’s for sure,” she teased, hugging her auburn-haired friend.

 

“Kato,” Kathryn looked sincerely up at her friend, “I apologize to you for saying things in front of Kit that I had no place divulging. I forget sometimes that she is your child, and not just another adult. I was totally out of line.”

 

“Just be careful, Kat. I love this kid, and I hate when she cries.” She grabbed Kit around the neck, pulling her in for a kiss on the forehead. “If you make her cry, I’ll have to get out my pain stick,” she threatened.

 

Kathryn smirked. “It’s a good day to die, Kato.”

 

Kit grinned enigmatically at them. “Somebody has got to explain that joke to me, someday.” She shook her head.

 

Kathryn waggled her eyebrows. “One of these days, we have to explain it to Naomi, too. Do you think she’s ready to view the evidence, Kato?”

 

Kieran let out a sharp bark of laughter. “I think she would kill us, after all these years, Kat. Maybe on her next birthday,” she decided.

 

Kathryn’s face fell. “Seven and B’Elanna and I won’t be here for her next birthday,” she reminded Kieran. “Damn.” She bit her lip. “I am going to miss you all.” She grabbed Kit and Kieran, hugging them. “You’d better kick butt in school, young lady, because I want you on my ship the second you graduate. You, your mothers, and Emily,” she promised.

 

Kit’s face lit up. “Really? Kieran will be your first officer?”

 

“If I have my way, she will,” Kathryn agreed. “And we’ll start grooming you to assume your own command, one day. Admiral Brand has you pegged for command track, already.” She ruffled Kit’s hair fondly. “In fact, why don’t you and Emily come with Seven and I tomorrow and take a tour of the ship? She’s not done yet, but the Astrometrics wing is complete, and I know Emily will want to see that. Would you like that?”

 

“I’d love it,” Kit agreed. “Can I, Mom?”

 

Kieran laughed. “Of course you can. Kathryn outranks me. You don’t need my permission,” she admitted.

 

“Would you like to come, Kato?” Kathryn offered, wanting to show off her new toy.

 

“Thanks, but another time. Tomorrow Naomi and I are going to hide out together. She was going to study, but we just need some time, and she says the books will wait.”

 

Kit glanced outside, seeing Seven, Emily, and Rachel by the pool. “I have to go talk to Rachel,” she reminded herself. “Will you excuse me, please?” she asked, waiting for an answer.

 

“Of course.” Kathryn nodded. “Tell Emily about tomorrow.”

 

“I will. Thank you for thinking of us.” She smiled warmly at Kathryn, all being forgiven.

 

As she walked away, Kathryn grinned. “That girl is going to be an amazing officer, someday. At least as good as you, Kato,” she murmured.

 

“Better,” Kieran agreed. “It always startles me how she asks for permission to do things. Most kids do whatever the hell they want, and the parents never know. She makes my job so easy, Kat. I always know where she is, when she’ll be home, who she is with. She never spends any money without asking, even though I gave her a ton of it and told her to do what she wants. She even consulted me about giving Emily that ring. I truly believe if I had said I didn’t want her to, she wouldn’t have done it.”

 

“I hope to God Geejay is that easy,” Kathryn sighed. “I’m too old for this crap, Kato. If you and Naomi are going to have more kids, you’d better get to it before you hit forty,” she recommended, grimacing.

 

“Oh, we’re going to have a family. I agreed to have up to three kids, if she wants them. We’re going to wait though, possibly until I’m a captain, with a couple of years of experience. I want to be part of my kids lives, not like with Katie,” she fought a catch in her throat. “Promise me you’ll take care of her, Kat. Promise me you won’t let her forget she has another mother who loves her.” She felt her eyes fill.

 

“Kato,” Kathryn hugged her for a moment, “of course I will. We’ll talk about you all the time. Katie won’t ever be allowed to forget you. And it won’t be long ‘til you’re on board with us all. Harry will be promoted as soon as I think he’s ready, and then you’re next,” she assured her. She had talked Harry and Phoebe into transferring from Titan, and Harry couldn’t pass up a Supremacy class vessel.

 

“Thanks.” Kieran wiped her eyes. “I have to go cut up jalapeño peppers,” she sighed. “Want to keep me company while I work?”

 

Kathryn grinned. “That sounded sufficiently pathetic that I’ll do the onions, Kato. But only if you tell me it’s not too early to start drinking beer,” she agreed.

 

_______________

 

Kit Wildman hesitated at the door, looking out at her lover, Seven and Rachel McVicker. Seven was talking, using her hands to express herself, and Kit had no idea what she was saying, but Rachel was clearly upset by it. Emily nodded intermittently, adding an occasional comment, and Rachel wore the most haunted expression Kit had ever seen. Oh my God, Kit realized. They’re telling her about me. And she looks sick over it. I have to set the record straight for her, let her know I’m okay now.

 

Kit slid the door open, walking softly across the lawn and out to the pool fence. She keyed the lock sequence, careful to shut the door, since Geejay loved the pool and couldn’t yet swim. She noted the white-blonde little girl in the corner of the yard, talking incessantly to Orson, who watched her as if he understood what she was saying.

 

“Hi, Samurai.” Emily stood up to kiss her lover, tugging her down onto the pool deck. “We were just gabbing,” she lied.

 

“I can see from the look on Rachel’s face you were,” she said sarcastically, cocking her head to one side. “You look perfectly ill,” she advised the dark-haired guest. “First, I want to apologize for what I said before. I had no right to judge, and no right to be angry. You’re my mom’s friend, and if she has no quarrel with you, then neither should I. I just get a little protective of her. Second, let me tell you why. I know these two have been filling your head with all the horrific details of my upbringing, but let me assure you, my life is so fantastic now, nothing else matters.”

 

Rachel lifted her eyes hopefully. “Really?” She wanted to believe that.

 

“Really. Kieran and Naomi have given me love and patience and stability, and the happiness I never thought was possible. I can never repay what they’ve done for me. I can’t even tell you everything, because it would take hours and hours. Whatever happened before, none of it matters. It brought me here, and here is where I want to be. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to clean the pool for the party. Ems,” she leaned over, cupping Emily’s cheek fondly, “I’m supposed to tell you that Kathryn is taking us to see her new ship tomorrow. She hopes you’ll come.”

 

Emily nodded eagerly. “Are you kidding me? I’d love to go.”

 

“Astrometrics is done,” Kit advised. “She knew you’d find it interesting. And she told me when we graduate, she will find us both places on her ship, so we can stay with my moms,” she relayed the promise. “So I guess you don’t have to marry me, just to insure we don’t get separated, if Kathryn will get us a posting together.”

 

Emily smiled. “You think that was my only motivation?” she flirted. “I had a lot of other reasons.” She grinned mischievously.

 

“Do tell.” Kit smiled at her. “In fact, come tell me while I vacuum the pool.” She stood to go, tugging Emily with her.

 

“Can I help?” she offered.

 

“Sure. You can skim the top with the net,” Kit agreed. “Now, you were saying?”

_________________

 

Kate Pulaski sauntered into the Wildman’s house, sporting a two-piece bathing suit, dark sunglasses, and flip-flop sandals.

 

“Wow, Kate,” Kieran whistled at her, “nice.” She waggled her eyebrows.

 

“Not bad for an old broad, eh, Commander?” Kate flipped up her shades to wink.

 

Kieran clutched her chest as if Kate gave her palpitations, laughing. “Everybody’s out back. Can I get you a shot of Wild Turkey?”

 

“Nope. Get me two.” Pulaski smacked Kieran’s back, laughing. “But put them in water and ice, please,” she added.

 

“I’ll bring it out to you. Noah is running the grill, so go tell him what you want,” she instructed.

 

The back yard was teeming with people. Jenny Calvert was talking to Naomi by the spa. B'Elanna, who was ready to give birth any second, and Seven had Katie and Geejay in the pool, teaching them to swim. Kathryn was bothering Noah at the grill, as if he needed supervision, and Neelix was trying to take over the job from him entirely. Rachel floated lazily in the pool on her back, hoping to even out her tan.

 

Kit and Emily were grilling Lenara Kahn about some new research she was about to publish, and she was talking with such animation, her Trill spots were darkening. Lenara had taken to Kit immediately, and the two shared a keen understanding of science. Lenara had great plans for Kit’s future, if she could only deter her from a command track to study spatial anomalies. Emily adored the Trill scientist, and Kieran was glad to have Lenara back in her life again, if only by virtue of her daughter.

 

Kieran was particularly amused, watching as Robin Lefler introduced herself to Lenara, and Lenara’s face took on a rather pinched look, as if she had just smelled something foul. The longer Robin talked to Lenara, the more relaxed Lenara’s face became, and the less disapproving. Kieran smiled fondly at the two women, knowing they would probably like each other if only they could see past their histories with Kieran and see each other. She trusted that Lenara would not hold a grudge against Robin for how she had treated Kieran, and that Robin wouldn’t hold a grudge against Lenara for getting engaged to Kieran the night Robin tried to get Kieran back.

 

“Go fetch her a glass of wine,” Kieran said under her breath to Robin, as if she could will her to do so. “Come on, Robbie,” she muttered. She grinned as Robin Lefler excused herself, made her way to the selection of alcohol, selected a cabernet sauvignon, and carried two glasses back to Lenara Kahn, drawing her away from Kit and Emily to talk.

 

“I think we should trade stories,” Robin was saying to the Trill, smiling at her. “I bet between the two of us, we have enough dirt on her to fill the San Francisco Bay,” she chuckled.

 

“At least,” Lenara agreed, casting a sidelong glance at her ex-lover. “You know, it’s your fault she never married me,” she accused the Counselor.

 

Robin’s eyebrows shot up. “It is? I was going to say that it’s because of you she almost did marry me,” she laughed uproariously. “She was so on the rebound from you,” she explained. “Of course, I was a huge horse’s ass back then,” Robin admitted readily, “and I didn’t have the good sense to marry her when she asked.” She smiled broadly.

 

Lenara couldn’t resist the opening. “And you’re not a horse’s ass now?” she asked, laughing.

 

Robin almost choked on her wine. “Well, I guess you’ll have to draw your own conclusions,” she chuckled, liking the Trill professor immediately for her playfulness. “So you’re teaching on campus next term?”

 

Lenara nodded. “I’m supposedly a visiting professor, but I think they’re going to offer me a permanent faculty position.”

 

“And you’re going to accept?” Robin smiled warmly.

 

Lenara shrugged. “I’m not sure. I love the Academy, and I love the kids—I especially love Emily, and Kit,” she said quietly, so the girls couldn’t hear. “Emily is working on my biography for me, and Kit’s my research assistant. As scientific minds go, Kit is brilliant. No, wait, what do the kids say?”

 

“Ultra-brilliant,” Robin offered, raising her wine glass. “I know. She’s an amazing young woman. But I think a lot of that is because Kieran and Naomi have made such a huge impact on her life.”

 

“I think the impact has been mutual. Kieran has changed so much in the last year,” Lenara noted, trying not to sound wistful as she glanced at the tall Commander, who was laughing at something Kate Pulaski had just told her.

 

Robin nodded. “She really has. It’s been good for her, having a family. I figure, six years from now, she and Naomi will have a houseful of rugrats, Kieran will have her own ship, and space will never be the same,” she joked.

 

Lenara laughed at the attractive Counselor’s wit. She suddenly understood why Kieran had been drawn to Robin. They had a similar sense of humor. “And where will you be, six years from now?” she asked.

 

“Probably on a starship, shrinking heads.” Robin toasted herself. “I hope so, anyway. I never expected to be planetside for such a long stretch,” she added. “But I’ve enjoyed my time here. I’m going to miss the kids, when I finally get a ship again. I started out as an engineer,” she mentioned.

 

“Kieran told me that,” Lenara confirmed. “She was pretty surprised that you followed in her footsteps,” she added.

 

Robin sipped her wine, glancing over at the eldest Wildman, who was wading into the pool to claim her toddler daughter. “She changed my life, that’s for sure. We really should trade stories, sometime. Maybe over dinner?”

 

“That would be fine.” Lenara smiled. “Look me up in the Stellar Sciences wing of the Astrometrics building. I have my lab there, and I keep office hours Monday through Friday. Drop by anytime,” she encouraged the Counselor. “It was nice to finally meet you.” She extended her hand.

 

Kieran had Katie on her shoulders, walking down the sloping incline from the shallow to the deep end, one eye on the pair of women. I knew they wouldn’t butt heads. She smiled, continuing her trek until she was completely under water and Katie was hollering at her mother to come up before she was submerged, too.

 

Lenara watched Kieran with her little girl, laughing at the way Katie shrieked as the water came up to her neck and Kieran continued to walk. She sat back down with Emily, and glanced at Kit. “How long can she hold her breath?”

 

 “She’s a diver. She can hold it as long as she has to,” Kit bragged.

 

Kieran kept walking, then heaved Katie off her shoulders and high into the air. Katie squealed with delight, flying over her mother’s head. Kieran surfaced just in time to snag the girl before she went under. “Do it again, Marmar!” Katie urged.

 

Kieran grinned. “Let’s go off the diving board, sweetie. Come on.” She gathered the child into her arms, slung her around onto her back, and wrapped Katie’s arms around her neck as she climbed the ladder out of the pool. “Hang on, and I’ll dive with you on my back,” she promised, jumping several times to rattle Katie’s bones before she flung herself off the fiberglass board and into the pool. Katie screamed like she was on a roller coaster.

 

“Kieran is always rough-housing with her,” Emily advised Lenara. “It’s a riot to watch them.”

 

Lenara smiled fondly. “Katie has Kieran’s eyes, and her mouth,” she observed. “That same evil grin,” she laughed.

 

Kit nodded. “She sure does. And she’s going to be almost as tall as Mom is, too. Kieran’s already teaching her to dribble a basketball, and Katie can almost shoot a basket without help.”

 

Emily leaned closer and kissed Kit. “You’ve been teaching her, too, sweetie. You’re great with her. I think when we get married, we should have five or six kids,” she decided.

 

“Ems.” Kit rolled her eyes. “One or two would be enough, don’t you think?”

 

“You two stop that,” Lenara scolded them. “You’re too young to be talking about marriage, let alone a family.” She grinned at the lovers. “But let me see your ring.” She reached for Emily’s hand. “Kit told me about it,” she explained to Emily. “I think she was too excited to keep it a secret.”

 

“She didn’t tell me, and boy was I surprised.” Emily held out her hand for Lenara’s inspection.

 

“How was the big dance last night?” Lenara’s eyes twinkled.

 

“It was so romantic,” Emily sighed. “Kit looked gorgeous,” she flirted with her girlfriend, bumping her softly.

 

“I heard,” Lenara winked at Emily, “you were both gorgeous.”

 

“Kieran took enough pictures for a whole album,” Kit chuckled. “You should ask her to see them.”

 

Lenara considered it momentarily. “I’d rather have you show me,” she decided that was a safer way to approach the issue.

 

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” She jumped up and trotted inside, unaware that Emily’s eyes never left her ass.

 

“You’re going to burn a hole in her fanny,” Lenara smarted, playfully nudging Emily.

 

“I can’t help it. She’s just—ultra everything,” she said dreamily. “What a body.” She lay her head on her arms, still staring at her lover.

 

“Well, I don’t know about her body,” Lenara laughed at the hormonal teenager, “but she’s the sharpest student I’ve ever had, and I’ve had some very bright kids. She’s so far beyond brilliant, it’s scary.”

 

“You should tell Kieran that. She loves to hear that kind of stuff about her kids.” Emily smiled at the Trill.  “You haven’t even said hi to her,” Emily pointed out.  “But you sure do look at her a lot.”

 

Lenara’s eyes registered dismay, but it was hidden behind her sunglasses. “I do?”

 

“About every five seconds,” Emily teased. “That’s okay, though. Kieran is really hot, for an older woman,” she qualified her praise.

 

“Maybe I should see these pictures and get back to the lab,” Lenara muttered, starting to gather her things.

 

“Hey, you’re not leaving already, are you?” Robin Lefler rejoined the small gathering just as Kit returned. “Because the party’s just getting going.” She sat down next to the Trill. “You can’t go until you’ve had some of Seven’s spicy gazpacho. It’s superlative.” She cradled a serving in her lap. “Try it?” She held out the spoon.

 

Lenara complied, an instant smile spreading across her face. “That’s delicious.”

 

“Here, I’ll get another one for myself.” Robin handed her the bowl, gracefully rising from her cross-legged position to go back to the buffet table. “Be right back.”

 

Kit came back momentarily, and was showing Lenara the posed photos from the night before. Lenara whistled appreciatively. “Look at you two.” She hugged Kit with her free arm, the soup in the other hand. “Very nice. Could I get a copy of this one?” She nodded at one of the poses in front of the fireplace.

 

Kit nodded. “Sure. Kieran always makes duplicates of everything. She sends them to Grandpa Gerry, for his album. I’ll ask her for another one of these.”

 

“Your Grandfather is a brilliant man, Kit,” Lenara advised her. “I love him.”

 

“You know Grandpa Gerry?” Kit was surprised. “Wait—I guess you would, because you and Kieran were engaged, right?”

 

Lenara nodded. “When Voyager was lost. We had gotten engaged the week before the ship disappeared.”

 

Emily’s eyes darkened. “That explains it,” she murmured.

 

“Explains what?” Kit asked.

 

“Oh, nothing,” Emily amended. “That must have been so awful for you, Dr. Kahn,” she said sympathetically.

 

“Ultra awful,” she agreed, smiling faintly.

 

“I’d better take these back in, before they get wet.” Kit closed the photo album. “Kieran’s threatening to do cannonballs with Katie,” she laughed.

 

“Kieran!” B'Elanna hollered from the shallow end. “Do NOT drown your daughter!” she scolded.

 

“Come on, Lanna, you never let me have any fun,” Kieran bitched. “Ready?” she whispered to Katie.

 

Katie nodded eagerly. “Ready, Marmar.”

 

“Hold your nose, really tight,” Kieran instructed.

 

Kit scampered out of the splash zone with the photo album, just escaping the deluge.

 

While Kit was gone, Emily leaned closer to Lenara. “No wonder you look at her all the time. God, I’m so sorry.”

 

Lenara swallowed her immediate sadness. “It’s ancient history.”

 

“What is?” Robin Lefler flopped back down beside the two women, gazpacho in hand.

 

“Greece,” Emily supplied. “Rome. Athens. All of it,” she quipped, protecting Lenara’s privacy.

 

“Bo-ring,” Robin laughed. “Tell me about the dance. How did Kit give you the ring?” She waggled her eyebrows.

 

“Yes, let’s hear it,” Lenara agreed, leaning closer so Emily could tell them.

 

“Oooh,” Robin enthused when Emily had finished. “That’s pretty romantic,” She grinned at the younger woman. “Fancy dinner, spiffy clothes, candlelight—that Kit’s a smooth operator,” she teased.

 

Kieran heaved Katie out of the pool, then hoisted herself out, taking her daughter in her lap. Lenara listened intently to their conversation, touched by the way the two interacted.

 

“Marmar,” Katie was saying, “if I lived with you we could swim every day. Why don't I live with you?”

 

Kieran considered the tough question. “Your Mommy and I decided it's better for you to live with her and Noah. She would miss you so much if you lived with me, sweetie.”

 

“But don't you miss me?” Katie asked, wide-eyed and innocent.

 

“Oh, honey, of course I do. I miss you every day,” Kieran replied honestly. “But if you live with your Mommy and Noah, you have Noah to play with. I have to work, and you'd only see me at night.”

 

“I like Noah. He reads me stories, and we play games, and sometimes, we go for walks by the ocean,” she agreed. “Why don't you and Mommy live together anymore?”

 

“Your mommy and I want the very best of everything for you, Katie, and we want everyone to be happy, especially you. Noah makes your mommy happy, so she lives with him. Naomi makes me happy, so I live with her. And you're a very lucky girl, because most little boys and girls only have two parents. You have four parents who love you more than anything,” Kieran promised her.

 

“Is Noah my daddy?” she asked.

 

“In his heart, he is, honey,” Kieran nodded, smiling at her little girl. “He loves you clear around the world.” She leaned her forehead against Katie's grinning at her.

 

“And back again?” Katie asked, bouncing in her mother's arms.

 

“At least twice.” Kieran tickled her.

 

“Do you still love Mommy?” Katie persisted, trying hard to understand.

 

Kieran nodded. “I do, very much, because she gave me you. But the most important thing is, we both love you, and we always will, even if we don't live together. Okay?”

 

“Okay, Marmar. Jump in the pool with me, again,” she laughed. “It scares Mommy.”

 

“And you think that's funny?” Kieran hugged her.

 

“Yes. Mommy's eyes get big when she's scared,” she laughed again. “Almost as big as her tummy.”

 

Kieran glanced over her shoulder and noticed Lenara and Robin, listening to her explaining her divorce to her child.

 

“You handled that well,” Lenara offered, smiling assurance at the tall Commander.

 

Kieran shrugged. “I try to tell her the truth, that's all.” Then to Katie, she said “Come on, warrior-diva, we're going back in. Climb up.” She stood up holding out her arms, and Katie scrambled to get on Kieran's back.

 

“Dive Marmar,” she hollered.

 

Lenara regarded Robin from behind dark glasses. “You're the psychologist. Did she answer the questions right?”

 

Robin laughed. “There are no right answers, and no wrong answers, with those types of issues. You try to tell the child enough to satisfy their curiosity, without confusing them, and without being more detailed than you need to be. When she's older, she'll probably ask again, and Kieran can elaborate. How's that for an enigmatic answer?”

 

Lenara grinned. “I'd expect nothing less of a psychologist.” She raised her glass of wine in salute.

 

Emily rested her head on her arms. “She's a great mother,” she said wistfully. “Kit and Katie are very lucky. But then, Kit at least appreciates what she's got” She leaned against her girlfriend.

 

“Ems,” Kit's voice had a catch in it, “you know Kieran and Na love you. I know it's not as good as having your own parents, but it should count for something.”

 

Emily flinched. She didn't want Lenara finding out she was an orphan.

 

“Hey—who’s up for volleyball?” Kieran hollered. “Kit, Emily, get your butts in the pool,” she ordered the younger women. “You’re on my team. Noah, get your team together, bud,” she challenged him.

 

“Girl, you are going down,” he taunted her. “I’ll take the hot bodied Klingon, and—Rachel, come on, you’re already wet, might as well work those muscles.”

 

“I have to go,” Emily apologized to her companions.

 

“Ems, wait.” Lenara grabbed her hand to stop her. “Now that it’s getting hot out, I need a summer wardrobe. I really liked the clothes you helped me pick out last time. Can you spare a couple of hours tomorrow?”

 

“Sure, Dr. Kahn. I’m staying here, tonight—come by in the morning, and we’ll go wherever you like. Only I’m touring the Sato tomorrow afternoon, so I have to be back for that.  See you later.” She dove into the pool, following Kit and joining Kieran.

 

Robin smiled fondly at the willowy teenager. “I love that kid,” she said absently. She stirred her gazpacho distractedly. “I wish I could find her a home as decent as this one.” She tasted the cold, spicy soup.

 

Lenara started. “She’s an orphan? That’s what Kit meant about not having her own parents?” In all the time Lenara had spent with Emily, the girl had never mentioned her family at all, except when Lenara forced her at Kit’s birthday party. No wonder.

 

Robin nodded. “Raised in more foster homes than I can count. School to school, home to home, orphanage to social services to foster parents and back. It’s amazing she didn’t drop out of school. She’s extraordinarily bright, but when you change schools three or four times a year, continuity is a problem. If she had had one home, she’d be getting scholarships from every school in the Ivy League.” Robin sighed. “If I had had a partner, a solid, stable person like Kieran has in Naomi, I’d have adopted her myself. But single parenting just didn’t seem fair. And by the time I met Emily, she was already pretty much on her own, anyway. Lucky for her, Kieran and Naomi watch out for her. She’s spending the summer with them, so that’s one less worry on my plate.” She watched the younger woman playing volleyball, biting her lip. “She looks so good, now. Kate Pulaski is a miracle worker, that’s the God’s honest truth.”

 

“What do you mean?” Lenara flipped her sunglasses up on her head, making eye contact with Robin, and scrutinizing Emily Frazier.

 

“She had the most horrible scars on her back and shoulders where she’d been beaten repeatedly. It looked like someone had taken a machete to her. God,” Robin breathed, rubbing her eyes, “I have seen things in my career that no one should ever have to see. Heard things no one should ever hear. Anyway,” she composed herself again, “Kieran got Kate to look her over, and they were able to ameliorate the scars. You can’t even tell, now.”

 

“It was that bad?” Lenara’s chest filled with pain. Emily had clearly been avoiding her pointed questions over the last several weeks because she was ashamed and embarrassed.

 

Robin nodded. “I’ve never seen anything so appalling. You’d expect if someone beat you that badly, you’d die. You’d hope so, anyway.” Robin grimaced. “Listen, I shouldn’t have said anything, either. It really isn’t my place. I thought everyone knew her history—she’s never hidden any of it from me, or from Kieran and Naomi. I’m afraid I may have violated her confidence. Please, don’t mention it to her. I’ll tell her what I’ve done, and she can ream me for it in private.”

 

“Robin,” Lenara said urgently, “Naomi is gone most of the time, and Kieran is really almost a single parent to Kit. How is it any different, if you want to care for Emily? Just because you don’t have a partner doesn’t mean you have less to offer her.”

 

“I can’t.” Robin finished her soup. “I’m her therapist, now. I can’t have that sort of relationship with her, because she’s my patient.” She sighed. “And Kieran has Seven with her all the time, and that’s even better for Kit, because she really has an extended family. B'Elanna and Noah have taken an active role in her life, too. Kathryn is more distant, but she keeps a close eye on things for Kit. I know in a crisis, she’d be right there. Kieran has a huge network around her. I’m just me.”

 

“I know what you mean,” Lenara agreed. “I have no relatives here, not even a single Trill friend.”

 

“You’re not married?” Robin asked faintly.

 

“No. I haven’t even dated in the last three years, unless you count two dates I went on with Seven,” she chuckled. “It sent her running back to Kathryn, I might add.”

 

Robin laughed aloud. “You’re funny. No wonder Kieran fell for you.” She grinned. “She loves a woman with a sense of humor.”

 

“Odd, I was thinking the same thing about you, earlier,” Lenara mentioned. “May I ask you something?”

 

Robin nodded.

 

“Are you involved with Rachel? She keeps looking at me as if she would like to tear my spots off.”

 

Robin howled at the image the description created. “No. Kieran is trying to fix us up. We’re going to see each other again, I’m sure, but we just met. She’d better not be giving anyone dirty looks on my account. She has no right to do that, not yet, anyway.” Robin grinned. “I have worked so hard to become a trustworthy person, nothing pisses me off more than a jealous lover. And she isn’t even that,” Robin said emphatically. “But then, we hate most in others what we dislike in ourselves,” she correctly noted.

 

Lenara smiled. “You’re saying you’re a possessive woman?”

 

Robin laughed. “I am the queen of possessive,” she admitted. “My very worst failing.”

 

“Ah, but women of great beauty inspire tremendous insecurity in their partners. You must get that all the time.”

 

Robin blushed. “Are you flirting with me?”

 

Lenara slid her sunglasses back on, chuckling. “You’re the psychologist. You figure it out,” she smarted.

 

_________________

 

Kieran Wildman opened the sliding glass doors to the balcony, revealing the towering red rock formations outside their hotel room. “What do you think, Na?” She made a sweeping gesture with one arm, as if she were unveiling nature itself.

 

“It’s gorgeous.” Naomi joined her on the balcony, taking in the colorful vista. “How did you find this place?”

 

Kieran took her wife in her arms. “Chakotay told me about it a long time ago, and I always intended to bring you here. He wasn’t exaggerating about how pretty it is.”

 

Naomi giggled. “I wouldn’t expect him to be a bastion of knowledge on romantic getaways,” she laughed. “But this is exquisite.” She breathed the desert air, smelling juniper, cottonwood and pinion pine.

 

“You’re exquisite,” Kieran murmured, nuzzling her wife’s hair. “Thanks for taking time out of studying today. I hope it won’t set you back too far,” she added apologetically.

 

Naomi turned in her embrace, gazing up at her through thick lashes. “I figured that if we take this time, then when I sit down to study, I’ll be able to think about my coursework, instead of you. It’s a strategy.” She winked at Kieran. “I hope it didn’t seem rude to leave everyone behind, especially after you invited Rachel to visit.”

 

Kieran smiled. “Robin was taking her to the Lombard Street open air market. I don’t think they were planning on spending any time with us, today.” She quirked an eyebrow suggestively.

 

“So what did you have planned?” Naomi wrapped her arms around Kieran’s neck, hugging her.

 

“Well, I know it’s just one day, so we can’t do everything I’d like,” Kieran explained, leaning her forehead against Naomi’s. “But you said you really miss how we were last summer, when you were so sick. So I thought I’d just spend the day indulging you, the way we used to, if that’s okay. If you’d rather do something more active and less intimate, we can go hiking,” she offered.

 

Naomi gave her a radiant smile. “You want to spend the day in bed?”

 

Kieran chuckled. “I said indulging you,” she corrected her wife. “Although I’m sure I’ll get around to taking you to bed, too.” She waggled her eyebrows. “I was thinking I would fill the Jacuzzi tub, and bathe you. And then I have some patchouli massage oil. I thought I’d work your body over with it, just because I love to touch you that way. If that leads to something more intimate, we can cross that starfield when we get there. If you just want to fall asleep, then I’ll spend the day watching you sleep.” She kissed Naomi’s forehead tenderly. “We can order lunch from room service, and I’ll feed you in bed, just like we did on Qian,” she continued. “They have a fresh fruit platter that should fit the bill nicely, though they don’t have orlow.” She smiled at her wife.

 

Naomi kissed her gently. “That sounds perfect. But let’s go take a short hike, first, since the landscape around the hotel is so amazing. Then I’ll need a massage,” she decided.

 

Kieran kissed her back, lingering over it. “Anything you want, Na. This is your day,” she said softly.

 

___________________

 

Emily Frazier wandered up and down the aisles of the huge department store, checking the merchandise and appraising the quality of the fabrics. Most people replicated their wardrobes, but there were still those who enjoyed shopping for clothing, looking for bargains and trying out the fit and drape, before actually buying anything. Lenara Kahn was apparently someone who loved to shop, because she seemed to want to get Emily into the stores every chance she got.

 

Lenara kept a keen eye trained on her companion, and everytime she saw Emily looking at something she liked, she encouraged her to try it on. They had allegedly gone shopping for Lenara, but by the time they left the mall, Emily had nearly a dozen items, and Lenara had only three. Somehow, Lenara would convince Emily that that particular pair of slacks would be perfect on a date with Kit, or Kit would really like a certain blouse, and the next thing Emily knew, Lenara had her credit chit out, and Emily was loaded with packages.

 

“Let’s have an early lunch,” Lenara was saying to the willowy teenager, unobtrusively slipping an arm around her shoulders. “Do you like this place?” She nodded at a burger joint, the sort of thing most teenagers would like.

 

“Actually, no,” Emily supplied. “It’s a high school hang out—too noisy. Pick someplace you’d like. You have excellent taste,” she complimented the older woman.

 

“Should we hail Kit and have her meet us?” Lenara wondered.

 

Emily shook her head. “I like having you to myself, sometimes,” she admitted. “Is that okay?”

 

Lenara nodded, smiling. “I like having you to myself, too,” she agreed. “This place is pretty good, if you like Italian. Want to give it a try?” She squeezed Emily’s shoulders.

 

“I love pasta,” Emily agreed.

 

“What time are you meeting up with Kathryn and Seven?” Lenara checked the chronometer.

 

“One thirty,” Emily noted. “We have plenty of time.”

 

They were seated in a matter of moments, and talking over iced tea. Lenara wanted to know Emily better, wanted the girl to trust her, hoped against hope she could make a difference in her life, and a hard life it had been. They talked about school, about Kit, about Trill.

 

“I never knew about you and Kieran, until you said something yesterday at the barbecue,” Emily was saying. “I knew she had been with Robin, but you, too?”

 

Lenara nodded. “It would make a good play,” she joked. “Very tragic, very moving, and a very long time ago. I think she’s done much better for herself since then, and her taste in women has improved dramatically.” She flicked her eyebrows.

 

“You liked Robin, didn’t you?” Emily asked pointedly, grinning at her. Her dark eyes flashed with humor, remembering how the two women had circled each other for over an hour, talking completely around their attraction to one another.

 

“She’s not what I expected,” Lenara admitted. “I mean, after hearing Kieran’s descriptions of her, she’s not like the person Kieran described.”

 

Emily rested her chin in her hand. “You didn’t answer my question,” she needled her.

 

“She’s intriguing,” Lenara said thoughtfully, then realized Emily was laughing at her. “What?”

 

“You can’t even answer me with a straightforward response,” she giggled.  “You liked her, didn’t you?”

 

“Yes, I liked her. But I think she’s seeing someone,” she laughed. “There, are you satisfied?” she asked, touching Emily’s hand.

 

“For now,” Emily teased. “I know Robin,” she added, “and she liked you. I could tell. Rachel is doomed,” she chuckled. “Besides, they just met. Kieran was trying to fix them up. Usually, Kieran is so perceptive about things like that, but she missed this mark by a mile,” she snickered.

 

Lenara smirked at the girl, her sea-colored eyes warm with amusement. “You think so?”

 

“I’d lay odds on it,” Emily stated flatly. “If Robin hasn’t asked you out by the end of the week, in fact, I’ll buy you dinner,” she offered. “If she asks, you buy dinner for me.”

 

“You’re on,” Lenara shook her hand to seal the bet. “I like a good wine with dinner,” she added confidently.

 

“I like lobster.” Emily quirked an eyebrow. “And it isn’t cheap.”

 

Lenara grinned. “That’s okay. It’s a bet I’d be more than happy to lose,” she admitted.

 

“Ah, so you liked her more than a little, then,” Emily teased. “She’s very pretty,” she added.

 

“I hadn’t noticed,” Lenara dissembled. “Is she?” Her eyes sparkled wickedly.

 

“You noticed, all right,” Emily accused playfully. “But that’s okay, because she noticed you too. She ignored Rachel all afternoon, and Rachel was not pleased,” she reported.

 

“Now, how would you know, miss water volleyball superstar?” she shot back.

 

Emily laughed. “I pay attention to things that matter to me,” she noted, then realized she’d revealed more than she intended.

 

“And I’d fall into that category?” Lenara asked hopefully, taking her hand.

 

Emily averted her eyes. “You and Robin both,” she said softly. “Look, Dr. Kahn, Robin told me she inadvertently spilled my sordid little life story in your lap yesterday. I should have told you. I completely understand if you don’t want someone like me affiliated with your biography, with your name. You have a reputation to think of, and—”

 

Lenara was shocked. “Emily,” she squeezed her hand fiercely, “don’t even complete that sentence. God, what would make you think for a second my opinion of you would change—could change—because of your past?” she hissed. “There’s no shame in being a foster child. I couldn’t be more fond of you, Ems, and I certainly don’t care who fathered you, or whose name you have, or how you grew up, except to say that I’m sorry you’ve had such a difficult time of things.” Her expression was intent. “I’m sorry you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth, but it doesn’t change anything. I love you, the same as always, dre’cadre.”

 

It was Emily’s turn to be shocked. Not only had Lenara called her “sweetheart”, in Trill, she loved her.  “You do?” she bit her lip, trying not to lose her grip on her fragile emotions.

 

“Oh, honey, of course I do.” Lenara’s throat closed with her own emotion. “I thought it was so obvious, how I feel about you, that I didn’t need to tell you.” She shook her head, dismayed. “I do love you.  I think you’re such a wonderful woman, with a promising future, and I’m so proud of your ability to rise above all the trouble you’ve had to deal with. You’ve practically been on your own your whole life, and do you know how amazing it is that you’ve managed to get by, and stayed out of trouble, with no one’s help but your own?” she said with genuine admiration.

 

“I just—I don’t know, it’s just my life. And I do trust you, but it’s pretty embarrassing to admit to someone you admire that your own parents didn’t want you, didn’t think you were worth the trouble. Because as much as you tell yourself you are worth the trouble, on some level, you never really believe it, because your parents didn’t. That’s why I envy Kit so much—Kieran really, really wanted her and would do anything it took to have Kit in her life. Kids like me, you just know once you hit a certain age, nobody is ever going to adopt you. They tell you that at the home, because they don’t want you to be disappointed when the next family that comes in insists they want an infant. And that’s when the endless series of foster homes begins, and you know you’re going to be trapped in the cycle, and there’s no escape. For Kit to find a home at her age is just unheard of. She is so lucky that when her uncle was arrested she didn’t end up in a foster home. She has no idea what she would’ve been up against.” Emily studied her drink.

 

The waiter brought their lunches, offering to grate parmesan cheese for them, but Lenara politely waved him away.

 

“How many foster homes were you in?” Lenara asked faintly, afraid of the answer.

 

“Eleven, over the years. But in between, I’d be at the L.A. County orphanage, or in social services holding. You get to the point where you don’t want to go to another family, because you know it’s going to be the same old shit—excuse my language,” she apologized, gulping her iced tea.

 

“You don’t have to edit yourself with me,” Lenara assured her, glad she was finally opening up. “What is the same old shit?”

 

“Another layover in some run down, filthy house, with three or four other foster kids, and parents who only participate for the money. You become a commodity. You change schools again, you settle in long enough to remember your address, and then somehow, you piss them off and you’re back out the door. Or worse, you end up with someone who thinks you’re there to service them sexually, or to be a punching bag, and you’re back on the phone with child protective services, or crying in some vice principal’s office begging for help because you can’t take another beating. That’s what I mean.” She noted the look of horror on her companion’s face. “I shouldn’t be telling you this crap. You look awful,” she apologized. “So what are you going to be teaching next fall?” she abruptly changed the topic.

 

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t know, I had no idea,” she stammered. “I want to listen, truly. Please, don’t think I can’t take it. If you lived through it, I can certainly hear it.”

 

“In small doses, then,” Emily agreed. “It isn’t easy to think about, and it isn’t easy to tell someone. I don’t even tell Kit about it, because it makes her so angry, she can’t handle it. Bless her heart, she’s so protective.”

 

Neither woman had touched her food, and they glanced at their uneaten lunch. “I think I’ll take this to go,” Lenara decided. “How about you?”

 

Emily nodded. “I don’t think I can eat, right now.”

 

“Let’s walk on the wharf, instead,” Lenara offered. “I’ll go find the waiter.”

 

 

They wandered along the edge of the ocean, through the myriad of shops lining the wooden boardwalk, Lenara’s arm firmly around Emily’s shoulders. “I know it’s not easy to tell me things, Ems,” she was saying, “but I’m grateful you made the effort. I apologize for my reaction. It just—it hurts to think about it, because I care so much about you. But I promise not to get angry, like Kit, or to make it so you can’t confide in me.”

 

“It’s okay, Dr. Kahn. I have a therapist. That’s what Robin’s for—she gets the privilege of listening to all the garbage nobody should have to hear. It takes a professional with objectivity and training to really process this information, you know?”

 

Lenara’s respect for Robin Lefler doubled instantly. “I know she loves you, too, and she wishes she could change your history every bit as much as I do.”

 

“Doesn’t work that way,” Emily noted. “But you’re making a big difference in my today, and my tomorrow. That counts. And I love you for that,” she added softly, hugging Lenara’s waist.

 

“If you ever need anything, Emily,” Lenara began, pulling them up short, facing her.

 

“I’m okay. Honestly. Keep being my friend, that’s all.”

 

Lenara hugged her close, kissing her hair. “Always, honey, I promise.”

 

___________________

 

Robin Lefler spent Sunday walking Lombard street with Rachel McVicker. They seemed to find a good deal to talk about, but Robin found herself thinking about Lenara Kahn. She wanted to know that part of Kieran’s history. She knew Kieran had had an affair with the Trill, right before she boarded Enterprise, and that the affair had been a deeply moving experience for Kieran. Lenara had said Kieran didn’t marry her because of Robin, and Robin wanted to understand what that meant.

 

Monday afternoon, her curiosity got the better of her, and she went to Lenara Kahn’s laboratory. She glanced around the room, looking at the various vid displays with equations and formulaic jottings, at diagrams of wormholes and holophotos of them with measurements that astounded the senses. It was overwhelming, the type of intellect required to comprehend these things, Robin realized.

 

“Dr. Kahn?” she called out, wandering through the room. She spotted a small alcove toward the back, and realized that must be Lenara’s office.

 

Inside, there was an old loveseat, and the slender Trill was curled up on it, sound asleep. Robin stood there, studying her features, taken by how pretty she was. Funny. She was in a bathing suit yesterday, and I didn’t even notice what she really looked like. Except her eyes. That’s what I remember.

 

She knew she should leave, but somehow, she couldn’t make herself go. She took Lenara’s desk chair, instead, and watched her sleeping, the subtle rise and fall of her breasts, the fluttering of her eyelids, an occasional sigh. It suddenly dawned on Robin that when the doctor awoke, she’d be caught sitting there. She decided to write her a note, and grabbed a PADD off the desk. She checked it to make sure there were no half-formulated equations, and started to pen a message.

 

Just as she was finishing, Lenara woke up, stretching languidly, and forcing herself upright. “Robin?” she asked.

 

“Oh, hi,” Robin said, flustered. “I was just leaving you a note. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she apologized, rising and backing out of the office.

 

“You didn’t.” Lenara smiled. “Did you figure it out?” she asked.

 

Robin gave her a blank look. “Your equations?” she wasn’t following. “I wouldn’t understand any of that.” She pointed to the lab.

 

“No.” Lenara smirked. “Did you figure out if I was flirting with you?”

 

Robin laughed. “I must have decided you were, because here I am.” She smirked back.

 

Lenara stood, picked up the PADD and read the note. “You wanted to ask me to dinner,” she summarized the message. “So, ask.”

 

“Will you have dinner with me?” Robin obediently complied.

 

“That depends.” Lenara smiled invitingly. “Is my hair a mess?”

 

“No, it’s lovely,” Robin replied honestly.

 

“Then I’d love to. Anyplace in particular?” Lenara took her arm and led her out of the lab.

 

“I was thinking Pajaro’s. Have you tried it?” Robin felt a tingle as Lenara pressed against her.

 

“It’s a Mexican place. I’ve heard of it. I think Kit recommended it, in fact,” she recalled.

 

“They have killer margaritas and a habañero pasta dish that will melt duranium. I love spicy food,” she explained.

 

“Really? Me, too.” Lenara was pleased. “Let’s try it, then.” She keyed the turbo lift, releasing Robin’s arm. “How was Lombard Street?”

 

“It was fun. I’ve been a million times, though. Rachel seemed to like it.” They boarded the lift, selecting their floor.

 

“Did she like the market as much as she likes you?” Lenara teased.

 

“I think she likes me a lot more,” Robin admitted. “And probably a whole lot more than I liked her, too,” she confessed. “She’s a nice enough woman. Just—”

 

They stepped out of the lift and exited the building. “Just what?” Lenara asked, trying not to be too interested.

 

“She’s into this really weird sport,” Robin explained. “It’s called all-terrain hiking. Have you heard of it?”

 

“No,” Lenara replied. “How is it weird?”

 

“People apparently go to really remote, really desolate and dangerous places, with very little gear, and only basic food and water supplies, and they have to find their way out. It’s a race. And they usually get lost, and run out of food and water, and sometimes, they almost die. It sounds—masochistic, I guess. It’s a little bizarre, thinking about dating someone who thinks that’s entertaining,” she laughed. “It’s like a Starfleet away mission gone bad, only they want it to go bad,” she was still laughing.

 

“That sounds awful,” Lenara agreed.

 

“They eat bugs,” Robin supplied. “When they run out of food, they have to eat whatever they can find. I don’t know, color me squeamish, but I don’t like the idea of kissing someone who’s recently eaten a cockroach,” she laughed lightly.

 

Lenara laughed until she was gasping for breath. “That is so nasty,” she howled, tears running down her face. “You’re making that up.”

 

“No, I swear. Rachel ate bugs, she told me. I’m thinking, you know sometimes you get food stuck in your teeth, and I’m picturing her with grasshopper parts sticking out of hers. Not a pretty mental picture over breakfast,” she was still chortling. “I guess it’s not much different than gagh, and I know Kieran eats that, but I draw the line at bugs.”

 

Lenara smiled at her. “You’re very funny,” she giggled.

 

Robin took her hand. “Thanks. The restaurant is across this alley.” She led Lenara into the darkened street, holding tightly to her hand so as not to let her misstep in the dim corridor. “Sorry for the bad lighting, but sometimes the best food is in these little hellholes.”

 

“That’s how it is on Trill, too,” Lenara put in. “The shadiest parts of town always have the spiciest food, and so I’m always skulking down some dark alley, looking for a hot pepper fix.”

 

“Ever had habañeros?” Robin asked. “They’re so hot, the FDA makes the growers put labels on them to warn people they can be burned by them.”

 

“What was it Kieran used to say?” Lenara tried to remember. “Burns twice?”

 

Robin howled with laughter. “Once going in, once coming out. That sounds like her.” She opened the heavy wooden door, leading Lenara inside. “Hey Xavier,” she greeted the host.

 

“Señorita Robin.” He bowed, draping a sarape over his arm. “¿Como estas?”

 

“Muy bien.” She grinned at him. “¿Y tu?”

 

“Mi esposa esta muy peligrosa esta noche.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Con cuidado,” he added.

 

Robin laughed. “Que’ lastima, Xavier. Maybe you could send Rosita, instead?”

 

“Una buena idea,” he agreed. “Ladies, enjoy.” He bowed and left them at their table.

 

Lenara smiled enigmatically. “What was all that about?”

 

“He was telling me his wife is in a bitchy mood, and to be careful. She’s usually the waitress. I asked him to send Rosita, instead,” Robin pulled out Lenara’s chair and seated her.

 

Lenara looked at her in surprise. “I haven’t had a date pull out my chair for me since—” she stopped herself.

 

“Since Kieran, right?” Robin finished for her.

 

Lenara nodded.

 

“Okay, I want the dirt.” Robin seated herself. “I know you two had a wild five day fling before she came to the Enterprise. She was reeling from it when I met her. She was so in love with you, and fighting it tooth and nail, and I think I was a great big transference for her. So what’s your side of it?”

 

Rosita appeared just then. “Ladies, what will it be?”

 

“I’ll have a strawberry margarita, frozen,” Robin supplied.

 

Lenara seemed at a loss. “I’ll have the same thing.” She watched as Rosita walked back to the kitchen. “I fell hard for her, like I haven’t before or since. And I was as much in denial as she was. I thought I was being absurd, to fall in love after such a short time, and I was sure it wasn’t real. I told her to keep in touch with me, and true to her word, she contacted me as soon as we parted company, and I was back home. I took one look at her, and I swear, Robin, I fell apart. I told her never to contact me again. And by the time I had sorted out my feelings, and realized they were indeed real, she was with you. The next contact I had from her was when she showed up on Trill, and came to my lab. She said her relationship had ended, and that she had to see me again. And I told her I loved her, and she admitted she loved me, and we had an amazing three days together. She wouldn’t stay on Trill, and I couldn’t follow her to Enterprise. I was so devastated that she wouldn’t stay with me, I told her I couldn’t bear it, and that if she truly loved me, she would stay. I said we could marry, and she could work with me on my research. And she left me.”

 

“That’s my fault, I’m afraid.” Robin accepted her drink from Rosita. “After what I did to her, there’s no way she’d have trusted anyone enough to leave her life behind for them. Is that what you meant, when you said I’m the reason she never married you?”

 

“Actually, I meant that you were with her when I decided I loved her,” Lenara explained. “Well, I couldn’t forget her, and I spent the next few months rearranging my life to be with her. I intended to get it all in order, and then find her to ask her to marry me again. And about the time I had worked it out so that I could do my research aboard her ship, I got an annoucement about her jersey retirement ceremony. I thought, ‘Perfect, I’ll go to the ceremony and tell her it’s all arranged, we can finally be together.’” She sipped her drink, nodding approval. “I got to Earth, only to find that she’d been transferred to Voyager, while she waited to hear if she’d been accpeted to the Counselor Training program. But she did agree to marry me, finally. I was to ship out with Enterprise, and she would supposedly be back with Voyager well before I returned. We announced our engagement at the ceremony, and told her parents they had four months to plan the wedding. And I went off with her for the next five days, blissfully unaware that Voyager would be lost immediately. I wanted to get married that night. Captain Picard would have gladly performed the ceremony. But Kieran convinced me to wait until I was back from my stint on Enterprise, and I was just so pleased that she loved me, that she finally agreed to marry me, that I let her talk me into waiting. And so it never happened. She was lost, and you know the rest of the story.”

 

“What did you do?” Robin asked softly. “God, you must have been wrecked, Lenara.”

 

“I spent two years trying to perfect a stable wormhole between the quadrants to be able to retrieve her. It didn’t work out,” she concluded. “I failed, and she was stuck there for twelve years,” she said, her voice haunted and hollow.

 

“And she came home with a lover,” Robin concluded.

 

“Actually, by the time I saw her again, they were married. I only met her again because I went on a date with Seven. I had no idea Seven lived with Kieran, or was related to her. Kieran contacted me from the Delta Quadrant, once after the ship had been confirmed still in action. She told me she was engaged to a Klingon, and that she hoped I was well and happy.”

 

“And have you been?” Robin asked sincerely.

 

Lenara shrugged. “I don’t think I ever got over losing her, on many levels. I have tried to make the most of my life, in spite of the way things turned out for us.”

 

“But it rings hollow.” Robin understood all too well. “I know.”

 

“You feel the same way about her?” Lenara touched her hand sympathetically.

 

“Not exactly the same, I’m sure. After all, I ruined that relationship. You lost her through no fault of your own. I can’t say as much. I had a twisted sense of priorities back then. A warped view of the world, too. I thought Kieran wasn’t ambitious enough, didn’t have enough self-esteem or drive. I wanted someone in command, someone important. It wasn’t until I married the wrong person, for all the wrong reasons, that I realized what is really important. And by then, I had hurt her so badly, it didn’t matter that I would’ve done anything she asked to fix it. She wasn’t about to trust me again. Like you, I’ve never felt that way about anyone else. The hell of it is, I have no one to blame but myself. But it turned my life around, and I got my priorities in order, and my view of the world straightened out. She’s a great friend, too. And I adore Naomi, who I know doesn’t think much of me, because I hurt the love of her life. I expect you thought equally highly of me.”

 

Lenara nodded. “I admit, I had my doubts about you,” she laughed. “Kieran and I talked about it, though, and I was stunned when she told me that if she were single, she’d date you in a heartbeat, and would trust you completely, because you’re a changed person. She was adamant about that.”

 

Robin smiled warmly. “Bless her heart,” she murmured. “That helps a lot. Thanks.”

 

“She also sings your praises for the work you’ve done with Kit,” Lenara advised her.

 

“She told me once she loves Kit more than basketball.” Robin sipped at her drink.

 

“And the earth didn’t crack open and swallow her up for such blasphemy?” Lenara smarted.

 

Robin almost spewed strawberry margarita out her nose. She snatched her linen napkin and choked into it, laughing so hard her face turned as red as her drink.  “Jesus Christ, Lenara,” she howled, resting her head on her arm, laughing soundlessly.

 

“I don’t think He gives two shits about basketball,” Lenara noted, giggling. “Perhaps Saint Spalding,” she grinned.

 

Robin was off on another laughing fit. “Stop it!” She held her sides. “Oh God,” she gasped, wiping her eyes.

 

Rosita thought the two women were having entirely too much fun, and she came to put an end to it. Robin took one look at her stern face and broke up again.

 

“I think she wanted something called habañero pasta,” Lenara spoke for her companion, who was nearly on the floor.

 

Robin nodded vigorously.

 

“Do we need to tell the bartender to cut you off?” Rosita asked.

 

Lenara laughed at that, and then she couldn’t speak either. “Just bring two,” she howled at the waitress.

 

“That’s it, you two are dry,” Rosita pronounced, storming away. “Two hotter than hells,” she hollered at the cook.

 

When they had finally gotten over their giggling fit, Lenara fixed Robin with a glare. “Now look what you’ve done. We can’t get any more alcohol. And I never stay sober on a first date,” she informed her companion.

 

“So you have an excuse to do whatever you want?” Robin grinned.

 

“Or else I can drink until I don’t want to do anything,” she shot back. “This is really good.” She finished her drink. “Sweeter than I usually like, but interesting. It reminds me of Italian Ice.”

 

“Yeah, well that will knock you on your ass, if you drink it as fast as you just did. I’ll never be able to get you back to campus.” She shook her head.

 

“Just leave me in the alley, then.” Lenara sat back so the waitress could deposit their food on the table. She dug into the pasta, taking a large bite. “Oh, now this is how hot is supposed to be,” she sighed with pleasure. “This is wonderful,” she enthused.

 

Robin grinned at her. “You’re the first person I’ve met besides me who can eat it. The cadets come here to see who has the cajónes to try it.”

 

“If you like hot food, let me take you to a Thai place Kieran showed me. They have a chili pepper infused oil Mi Krob to die for.”

 

Robin nodded eagerly. “Great. When?”

 

“Whenever you want,” Lenara decided.

 

They talked for hours about everything and nothing, talked Xavier into letting them have another round of margaritas, shared a homemade flan for dessert, and stayed up later than either ordinarily would on a weeknight. Lenara dug the story of the Mike Kirk fiasco out of Robin, and Robin got Lenara to talk about her affair with Jadzia Dax. The more they drank, the easier they found it to disclose the details of their relationships with Kieran Thompson, and it was very cathartic for both of them to finally confide all the trouble they had come into emotionally because of the situations they had been in.

 

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Kit and Emily, when you asked me at the barbecue,” Robin was telling Lenara, “because I haven’t really made up my mind yet.” She swirled the dregs of her frozen drink around, watching it mixing itself again. “I’ve been offered a position on Kathryn Janeway’s new ship, the Sato. Ship’s Counselor. I have to let her know in two weeks whether I’m going to take the job.” She drained her glass.

 

Lenara tried to keep a neutral expression, though she was sorry that the Counselor might decide to leave. “When would you ship out?” she asked faintly, suddenly subdued.

 

Robin was too tipsy to notice Lenara’s abrupt change in mood. “August. It’s not far off, and I have to figure out what’s important.”

 

“Tell me what your dilemma is,” Lenara encouraged her, taking the last bite of flan. “The pro’s and con’s.”

 

Robin sighed, leaning back in her chair. “The pro’s are simple. I’d be on a ship, back in space, doing what I love, and working mostly with adults. There’s no downside to that. And the Sato is a dream machine.” She waved her hands expressivley. “Luxurious, decked with perks and extras. And it’s huge, so there will be tons of people on board, Starfleet and civilian, human and alien. It would be so exciting to take it.”

 

Lenara nodded. “Sounds like you’ve decided. What are the con’s, if any?”

 

“You already know that—Kit, Emily, my other patients. Most of my clients would be fine if they had to change treatment providers. But Kit is at a critical juncture in her recovery, it’s still so early on in the process, and damn, Lenara, that kid has been through the worst nightmare of anyone I’ve ever treated. It’s obliterated her ability to trust anyone, except Kieran and Naomi, and even them she struggles with. I don’t want to bail out on her, when she’s just beginning to really trust me. That’s a huge pattern in her life—people abandoning her. I don’t want to be another one of those people. So I’m torn, ethically, personally, about the decision. I’m afraid if I don’t take this post, I’ll never have another offer on a ship. I don’t think I want to be running the Counseling Center when I’m fifty years old, still planetside.”

 

“Not easy issues, I’m sure,” Lenara said sincerely. “You have to assume, if you stay, Kit will recover, but then when the next offer comes, what if there’s another Kit to worry about? It could be endless,” she pointed out logically.

 

“I know. I’ve considered that, and I know a lot of practitioners have come and gone on this campus. It’s the biggest weakness of the program and the treatment center. We really need someone who wants to get in there and run the place, as a permanent posting, with a stable, tenured staff. But the way the training is structured, it will never happen,” she sighed with frustration. “And that means the Kit Wildmans of the world suffer.”

 

“Are there other considerations?” Lenara prodded her, thinking she wasn’t disclosing everything.

 

“Certainly. I don’t meet a lot of adults on campus, and my dating options are limited. I would really like to find a solid relationship and settle down, someday, and I don’t see that happening on Earth. On a ship, I’d meet all sorts of new people, seasoned officers, fascinating aliens. My prospects would improve dramatically. But then, here, I have friends, colleagues I adore, and a nice routine. No one shoots at me, tries to commandeer my office, or infects me with alien bacteria. And then there’s Kieran, of course. Hell, there’s always Kieran,” she chuckled derisively.

 

“What about her?” Lenara munched on a leftover tortilla chip.

 

“I’m really getting to be good friends with her again, and that’s been terrific. And it’s also been hell, because for me, the attraction is still very strong. For her, it’s non-existent. I would never overstep the boundaries, but the temptation is there, from time to time. The deterrant is knowing Kieran would promptly kick me right back out of her life, if I ever so much as hinted at anything with her. She is into moral absolutes, and she has no comprehension of how or why anyone else would waiver. It’s always such a mixed bag with her, for me, emotionally. I love her, I respect her choices, but part of me wishes it could be different,” Robin explained wistfully.

 

“I know how that feels,” Lenara agreed. “It’s why Kieran and I are not close friends. I can’t handle it. I had to tell her that, and put distance between us again, because I was losing myself in the ‘what-ifs’, and that’s not healthy or morally proper. And it was confusing her, too, I think. Neither one of us are the type to breach the confines of a committed relationship, but neither of us knows what to do about the fact that we still love each other.”

 

“Kieran—confused? I find that really hard to imagine, she’s always so clear on everything,” Robin sounded skeptical.

 

Lenara shrugged. “She told me if she were single she wouldn’t date me, and I was wounded by that. Then she grinned and said she wouldn’t date me because she would’ve already asked me to marry her.”

 

“Wow,” Robin breathed, “that’s a huge admission, coming from her. She really must have felt some conflict over you, to tell you that.”

 

“I know Naomi and she had a huge fight over me. But then, Kieran had never bothered to tell Naomi about our history.”

 

“Why wouldn’t she have told her?” Robin wondered.

 

“She told Seven and I that she didn’t ever talk about it because it still hurts too much.” Lenara smoothed her hands over her face.  She sighed, glancing at the chronometer. “It’s late, and I have to teach an early class. Where did the time go? It’s after midnight.”

 

Robin spun her head to look at the chronometer. “Holy shit, you’re right. We have to get out of here. This section of town is a little dicey at this time of night,” she warned. “But I’ll protect you,” she grinned, teasing.

 

“Thanks for getting me out of the lab, Robin. I spend too much time there. I’m starting to get permanent limb disfigurement from sleeping on that couch,” she laughed, snagging the check. She paid it before Robin could protest.

 

“Hey, I asked you out, I’m supposed to pay,” she bitched.

 

Lenara smiled broadly, taking Robin’s hand. “An old Trill trick. Pay the tab, and you obligate the person to make a second date, to even the score.” She quirked an eyebrow.

 

“You didn’t have to trick me,” Robin pointed out, not relinquishing her hand as they exited the eatery. “I was going to ask you out again, anyway, so you just wasted your money.”

 

Lenara squeezed her fingers. “You were right, you know,” she said softly, walking quickly to keep up through the shady back streets.

 

“About what?” Robin asked, smiling warmly.

 

“I was flirting with you,” Lenara confirmed.

 

“I know,” Robin agreed. “I was flirting with you, too.”

 

___________________

 

Tuesday mornings, Robin Lefler met Kieran Wildman for coffee at the officer’s mess before the class Kieran was taking from Robin. Kieran saw Robin come in, looking ragged around the edges, but with a decided spring in her step. Kieran grinned at her, waving her over.

 

She stood to hug her old friend. “Hey Robbie.” She gathered her into a warm embrace, kissing her cheek. “You look energetic this morning,” she enthused, pulling out a chair for her companion.

 

“Really? I feel like my ass is dragging,” she laughed. “I need this coffee in a big way. Late night.”

 

“Oh?” Kieran waggled her eyebrows. “Dish the dirt, girlfriend.”

 

Robin swallowed a hearty mouthful of java, trying to will the caffeine to work. “I had dinner with Lenara Kahn last night. I want to know everything about her. Start talking.”

 

Kieran laughed. “There’s not much to tell. What do you want to know?”

 

“What’s your opinion of her?” she pressed.

 

“I think she’s the most brilliant scientist that’s ever lived, and I think she’s beautiful and warm, and gentle and funny. I love her dearly. If I weren’t married, I’d be on my knees this instant, begging for her hand.”

 

“Seriously?” Robin added some sweetener to her drink, stirring thoughtfully.

 

“As a heart attack, Robbie. But I’ll tell you something even more important—the real testament to her character,” she added. “Kit trusts her. Completely. She has since the day they met.”

 

Robin whistled. “That is an endorsement.”

 

“No kidding. Lenara is the first person I’ve ever seen Kit trust immediately. Kids and dogs—they’re always the best judge of people.”

 

“If you think so highly of her, why aren’t you two closer? I noticed you didn’t even speak at the barbecue,” Robin pointed out.

 

Kieran winced. “Robbie, if I tell you something really personal, will you promise not to ever tell anyone?”

 

Robin took her hand. “You know I’ll never tell a soul, KT.”

 

“Lenara and I aren’t friends because—because I don’t trust myself with her. I’ve always kept a very clear perspective on things, when it comes to my marriage, to fidelity and commitment. I came so close to losing myself with Lenara, to breaching those lines, I had to back away. And so did she. I never thought I’d even be tempted, Robbie, never thought I could think such things. But there I was, holding her and crying and telling her how much I love her, and I was a breath away from kissing her. It terrified me. And I realized, I was in over my head with her, because I do still love her, and we never got any closure for our relationship. Lenara was the one that insisted on the break, because I was too weak to even do that, to let her go. Thank God for her clear head, or I’d have probably wrecked my marriage over her. She really called me onto the carpet, too. Told me that I think I have to fix everyone and everything and that I can’t take on everything that’s wrong with the world. She told me in no uncertain terms to pick my battles for fixing things, and she was not worthwhile as a battle. She said our situation could not be fixed. And she was right. I love her for making that stand, for helping me not make that mistake,” Kieran admitted, shamefaced.

 

Robin tried to hide how stunned she was, but it showed in her face. “Damn, KT,” she breathed, “you?”

 

“Yeah, I’m human, you know. Things weren’t great with Naomi, at the time—I mean they’re never bad, but I hadn’t gotten to see her much, and it felt like maybe she was growing away from me. Things are a lot better now, since she moved out of the quad. And Naomi really nailed it when she met Lenara. She told me she didn’t want me near her, and I thought she was being unfair. She said she saw how I looked at Lenara, and that I clearly felt sorry for her, and that is my achilles heel. She was right. I wanted to do something, anything, to take away that haunted look Lenara gives me. But the only way was to be with her. And I seriously considered it, for about fifteen seconds.”

 

Robin laughed sharply. “Fifteen seconds is hardly even a fleeting thought. KT, you are so hard on yourself. But I’m glad to know you’re not always in control of every iota of your psyche. It’s intimidating to be friends with perfection,” she needled her.

 

“I just wish it could be different, Robbie. I love Lenara so much, and I wish we could be friends, but I can’t. I’m too susceptible to her, and if she had a weak moment, it could get disastrous really fast.” Kieran swallowed her coffee, shivering though the mess was not cold.

 

“You really had it bad for her, huh?” Robin said softly, squeezing Kieran’s fingers in her own.

 

“I didn’t talk about it for years, it hurt so much. I never told B'Elanna about her, and I only told Naomi because when she met Lenara, our history was so painfully obvious to anyone with eyes. Lenara’s an incredible woman,” she murmured. “I still get my head all screwed around, trying to figure out what she ever saw in me. When she asked me to marry her, I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve never regretted anything in my life more than not doing it the night she asked. I didn’t want to rush, wanted to plan the wedding, wanted to savor the engagement. And instead, I lost her.”

 

“Honey, you didn’t lose her. She loves you every bit as much as you love her. And she hurts just as deeply as you do,” Robin assured her.

 

“I know. I see it everytime she looks at me, and it rips me up. That’s why I can’t be around her. Kit doesn’t know the turmoil Lenara causes me, and she always invites her to family functions, and I can’t just tell her ‘Kit, don’t invite Lenara, because it makes me crazy to see her.’ So she and I circle each other like pacing tigers, keeping a respectful distance, that’s safe,” Kieran sighed. “I guess you got more than you bargained for. Aren’t you sorry you asked?”

 

“I’d like to get to know her better, KT. But if you tell me you have issues with that, I won’t see her again,” Robin offered.

 

“Oh, God, no, don’t even think I have a problem. Nothing in the world would please me more than if you both found partners who are as wonderful with you as you both were with me. I’d love to see Lenara settled, and loved and happy. I could probably be friends with her, if I knew she had someone that would be good to her, and that she didn’t need me anymore,” Kieran confided. “Do you think there’s something there, Robbie?”

 

“There’s definite chemistry,” Robin agreed. “I want to be careful, though, and take it slowly. I’m going to see Rachel this weekend. I just don’t think the chemistry is there with her, though. But I don’t want to make bad or rash decisions, or jump into bed with anybody. I think Rachel was pretty disappointed that I didn’t sleep with her, this past weekend. In fact, I didn’t even let her kiss me.”

 

“You really have changed.” Kieran smiled approvingly. “The old Robin would’ve already bedded them both. Did you kiss Lenara?” She waggled her eyebrows. “Because once you do, you’ll be a goner.”

 

“No,” Robin replied, smiling. “I wanted to, but I just don’t want to push, or presume. I want to make sure there’s that emotional connection, for both of us, before I go that far.”

 

“Good for you, sweetie,” Kieran congratulated her. “I hope you and Lenara find that connection. I could see you two together, I really could. And I’m rarely wrong about these things.”

 

“I’m going to ask her out again tonight. I know that sounds soon, but I want to see her again at least once before I go see Rachel. I just have a feeling that the next time I see Rachel is going to be the last time.” Robin looked up at the wall display. “We have to leave for class, KT. Thanks for listening to me gush about Lenara.”

 

“You didn’t gush, Robbie. But I hope next time, you do.” She hugged her friend, thinking how sweet it would be if Lenara could fall in love with someone as kind and decent as Robin.

 

____________________

 

Robin Lefler got to her office before lunch, and found a package on her desk. She grinned, ripping into the gift, and laughing uproariously at the contents. Lenara had sent her a set of swimmer’s nose plugs, with a note attached that said:

 

“NOSEGUARD ^TM : Protecting the fine linens of eating establishments throughout the US. Take it on your next dinner date to prevent unwanted Margarita expulsions.”

 

Robin grinned and tried on the device, deciding she would wear it when she went to invite Lenara to dinner again that afternoon.

 

 

Late that afternoon, she finished her schedule and changed out of her uniform into something more appropriate for a dinner date. Starfleet uni’s were boxy and unflattering, and she wanted Lenara to notice her better features. She wore navy slacks with a cream colored, short sleeved blouse that she left rakishly unbuttoned to her cleavage. She checked herself in the mirror of her office ensuite, brushed through her hair, added earrings and a subtle diamond necklace, and stuck the noseguard in her pants pocket.

 

She made her way across campus to Lenara’s lab, where instead of finding the scientist sleeping, she found her hard at work. Robin listened at the door, not wanting to intrude.

 

Kit Wildman was hanging on every word. “So the blue shift variant is the difference in the equation?” she asked, jotting down notes on a PADD.

 

“That’s right. And here,” Lenara pointed to a formula. “This compensates for the gravimetric shear factors.”

 

“Oh, I get it.” Kit made more notes. “That explains the rest of the theory, then.” She smiled. “Thanks. I just couldn’t quite get my arms around it.”

 

“You’d have gotten it, Kit,” Lenara assured her. “Sometimes when you struggle with something technical for a long time, it muddles your head, and you have to walk away for a few minutes and come back to it. Kieran taught me that. Take a break, when your head overloads. You’re doing great, you know,” she complimented her. “None of my previous research assistants had half your aptitude. Oh, I wanted to show you the dummy of the article, so you can see the credits. Your name looks really good in print.” She smiled warmly at the younger woman.

 

Lenara keyed an overhead display. “The editor sent this to me for final inspection today. Do you like it?”

 

“Dr. Kahn,” Kit protested, “you gave me top billing. That’s not right—this is your theory, your research. I’m just supposed to get a byline.”

 

“You did a lot of work on this piece, Kit. It’s one of the best things I’ve written, and that’s largely due to your input, and your assistance. This is my way of thanking you. It’s not much, but it’s all I’ve got.” She hugged Kit to her as they admired the header page of the document. “I’ll get it framed for you, and you can add it to that amazing collection of stuff in your room,” she said softly. “Your Moms will be so proud of you. Admiral Brand is getting a copy, too.”

 

Kit smiled at her. “You’re too much, Dr. K. Thanks.”

 

Robin pretended to just be walking in. “Hello ladies,” she greeted them both, then whistled. “You’re already publishing, Kit? That’s unbelievable.” She came over to kiss the only Wildman child’s cheek. “Congratulations.”

 

“Thanks.” Kit looked her up and down. “You look amazing,” she complimented her counselor. “Hot date?”

 

Robin waggled her eyebrows at Lenara. “That remains to be seen,” she chuckled. She pulled out the nose guard and put it on. “I’m ready for laughter and alcohol, whichever comes first,” she quipped, her voice sounding nasal, as if she had an instant cold. “You said the Thai restaurant, anytime. I decided this is as good a time as any.” She smiled at the Trill scientist. “Can you get away long enough for Mi Krob?”

 

Lenara hesitated, but remembered she had told Robin anytime. “Yes. But tonight, you don’t piss off the bartender. Deal?”

 

Robin nodded contritely. “Kit, do you want to join us?” she asked to be polite, still sounding like a duck.

 

“Thanks, but Emily and I have a date, actually.” She blushed. “And I’m going to be late if I don’t hurry. We’re going out to dinner with Kieran and Naomi—double date. It’s kind of interesting, dating with your mothers.”

 

Robin laughed. “I could see them doing that. Kieran is such a kid anyway. Give them both my love, won’t you? And hug Ems for me.”

 

“I will. I’ll see you guys. Dr. Kahn,” she kissed the Trill’s cheek, “thank you. You are the best.”

 

Lenara touched her face briefly before Kit trotted out of the lab.

 

“She’s a great kid,” Robin noted. “She sure thinks the world of you, Doctor.”

 

“Take that damned thing off,” Lenara teased her. “You sound like a cartoon character.”

 

Robin complied and left it on Lenara’s desk. “I laughed pretty hard at that one. Did you come by my office today?”

 

Lenara nodded. “I knew you’d be with Kieran, and I wanted to leave it anonymously. But the Thai place doesn’t have dangerously red margaritas to stain your clothes, so we should be safe. It’s strictly beer, there. Are you ready?”

 

Robin nodded. “Thanks for not sending me packing. It’s kind of presumptuous of me to show up two days in a row, I know.”

 

Lenara shrugged, tugging Robin’s arm and leaving the lab.  “Kieran always told me I’m irresistible. I guess she wasn’t kidding. And don’t worry about being forward. I almost put a note in your little gift that said something truly crass.”

 

Robin grinned eagerly. “Tell me,” she enthused, laying her hand on Lenara’s back, guiding her down the hall.

 

“I was going to put a note in that said ‘Thanks for dinner. The pasta wasn’t the only thing that was hot at our table.’ Only I thought it sounded too adolescent, like something Emily would tell Kit,” she laughed.

 

“I would’ve loved it. You can’t be too crude with me, Lenara. I have a pretty bawdy sense of humor, I’ve been told.”

 

“Well, I didn’t want to offend you, so I kept my more base remarks to myself. In the future, I’ll be sure to let them all spill out,” she promised.

 

They walked through the streets of San Francisco, holding hands and talking about their day. Robin felt so at ease with the smaller woman, so relaxed. It was a relief to know that someone already had the black parts of her history memorized, and liked her anyway.

 

Lenara was telling her that Kit had a Kenpo tournament on Saturday, and had asked Lenara to attend. “Would you go with me? I think Kit would be thrilled if you did,” she added hopefully.

 

“I—ah—I’m going to be out of town,” Robin reluctantly advised her. “Rachel McVicker invited me to come to Illinois to visit her. We arranged it all before the barbecue,” she explained, as if somehow that would lessen the possible negative impact of the information.

 

Lenara only smiled. “Kit is from Illinois. Kieran and I went there to watch her fight last November. It seemed like a lovely state,” she offered nonchalantly. “You mentioned at the barbecue that you aren’t really involved with Rachel. But she wants to be?”

 

“Yes, she does. I don’t have any reason not to get to know her better, but do you know how it is, when you meet someone who likes you a lot more than you do them, and then you have to figure out how to tell them that?” Robin asked apologetically.

 

“Not really. As I said, I haven’t dated a lot. It sounds—complex,” Lenara decided, “and not very pleasant. But you should go with an open mind. First impressions can be wrong. My first impression of you was totally wrong,” she added. “If you hadn’t been persistent about getting to know me, I’d have gone right on thinking you weren’t someone I’d want to know. Maybe Rachel has more to offer than you saw at first glance. Look beyond the bug legs stuck in her teeth,” she joked.

 

Robin laughed at that. “You had to remind me.” She shuddered. “Thanks a lot.”

 

“Hey, I’m not trying to sell you on her,” Lenara pointed out, laughing. “How stupid do I look?”

 

“You’re not upset that I’m going to see her?” Robin felt compelled to ask.

 

Lenara considered. “We’ve had dinner once. Does that entitle me to be upset? I wouldn’t want to disappoint you by seeming indifferent,” she reasoned, grinning.

 

Robin squeezed her hand. “You’re awfully perceptive. I think I am a little disappointed, now that you mention it. But that’s my problem, not yours,” she sounded like a counselor.

 

“The restaurant is up there.” Lenara pointed to a neon pepper hanging on a marquee. “It doesn’t look like much, but the food is exquisite.”

 

They waited fifteen minutes for a table, but got a head start on Thai beer. “I’m going to have to insist that we not stay out so late tonight,” Lenara advised her date. “I was barely functional when my alarm sounded this morning. My students caught me yawning in lecture.”

 

“Sorry.” Robin clinked her bottle against Lenara’s. “I was just so captivated, I couldn’t let you go,” she flirted.

 

“Ah, she does know how to flirt back,” Lenara said off-handedly.

 

Robin had no intention of being so forward, but the nearness of Lenara Kahn had her fingers aching. “I’m not flirting, I’m being sincere.” She leaned closer and brushed her lips over Lenara’s, looking expectantly at her. Lenara lifted her face, responding in kind much more certainly, until they were both breathless and off balance.

 

Lenara eased away from Robin’s embrace, eyes wide and hands planted against her shoulders. “I heard them call our name to be seated.” She was flustered, but smiling.

 

“You know, we could take our order as carry out,” Robin told her. “I don't live too far from here, and my place isn't busy and noisy.”

 

Lenara smirked. “After a kiss like that, I am not about to go home with you,” she informed her flirtatious date.

 

Robin's face fell. “Why not?”

 

Lenara slipped out of her arms, taking a long pull on her beer. “I don't trust myself. And you're going to Illinois this weekend. If we go back to your place, I won't go home tonight. And then you'll spend the weekend with Rachel, and I'll make myself crazy over it. So let's just have dinner and not complicate things.”

 

“Do you want me to cancel the trip?” Robin asked, thinking she'd already managed to make a mess of things.

 

“Not at all,” Lenara replied, feigning indifference. “You wanted to go when she asked you, and unless something truly earth shattering has happened, you shouldn't change your mind.”

 

“Earth shattering? You mean like how Kieran affected me? That only happens once in a lifetime, I think.”

 

The hostess came out to seat them, and they followed her into the dining room.

 

 

 

Lenara had stewed all morning over Robin Lefler, remembering their date the night before. Once they'd gotten past the issue over Illinois, and past the awkwardness of Robin inviting Lenara home, the date had gone every bit as well as the first one. They found plenty to talk about, laugh about, and they had a really good discussion about their respective careers and what they wanted from them.

 

But Robin seemed to be leaning toward taking the post on the Sato, and Lenara was not about to lose herself in someone who would pull a Kieran Thomspon—claim her heart and disappear.

 

Lenara was too distracted to work, and she realized she'd just reread the same page of the latest Intergalactic Journal of Astrometrics Quarterly six times. She wished she could talk to Kieran about Robin. She really had no other friends on campus, not adults, anyway. She could hardly ask Kit's advice. She seriously considered asking Emily, since they tended to talk about more personal things than she did with Kit.

 

She was stunned when Naomi Wildman entered her lab, looking for her. “Can I help you, Naomi?” she asked faintly.

 

“Hello, Dr. Kahn.” She ducked her head inside. “Do you have a minute to spare?” she asked nervouosly.

 

“Of course.” Lenara waved her inside. “Let's go sit in my office.  Can I get you anything? Coffee, perhaps?”

 

Naomi shook her head, wanting to get this over with. “Thanks, no.”

 

She followed the Trill scientist to the small couch in her office, neatly folding her legs, one over the other. Lenara regarded her with a scrutinizing gaze. As always, Naomi’s appearance was perfection, her cadet’s uniform neatly pressed, not a single hair of out place.

 

“I wanted to thank you for Saturday. I'm sorry I didn't send a card. I had a good time. I hope it wasn't awkward for you and Kieran that Kit invited me,” Lenara tried to break the ice.

 

“Kit asked our permission before she extended the invitation. She's very good about that sort of thing. Kieran and I both told her it was fine if you came, just as we did for her 18th birthday party.” Naomi’s tone remained neutral.

 

“Good. I wouldn't want to commit the ultimate social faux pas.” She smiled. “What's on your mind, Naomi? You didn't come here to make small talk.”

 

Naomi took a deep breath. “Kit says she invited you to her tournament, this weekend. Are you planning to come?”

 

“I am, if that's not a problem for you or your wife.” She emphasized the word “wife”.

 

Naomi sat on the edge of Lenara's sofa, studying her. “I want to like you, I really do. Kieran and Kit think the world of you. But you scare the hell out of me, because I've seen how Kieran looks at you.”

 

Lenara sighed. “I've seen it too, and that's why I stopped spending time with her. But Naomi, you have to realize, what Kieran feels for me is nothing more than misplaced pity. Not love. Not desire. I'm like a stray dog she wants to rescue, and it hurts her that she can't. She just lets it confound her. I'm perfectly willing to stay a comfortable distance away. I only came to the barbecue and to Kit's adoption party because of Kit. I love your daughter, and I won't hurt her feelings out of trying to protect myself or Kieran—Kieran wouldn't want that, and neither do I.”

 

Naomi toyed with the slipcover on the arm of the sofa, thinking. “Kieran told me you encouraged her to do what I asked her to do in the first place, which was avoid you. Is that true?”

 

“It's true,” Lenara affirmed.  “I told her if you needed that, she should just do it. When she refused, I was the one that backed away from her, because I don't want her to suffer over what she perceives to be my sadness or my loneliness. She feels responsible for it, when there's no one responsible but me,” she added softly.

 

Naomi felt her defensiveness relax its guard slightly. “Are you sad and lonely?”

 

“Aren't we all, sometimes?” Lenara laughed. “What made you come here, Naomi? What brought on this confrontation?”

 

“I came to invite you to sit with us at the tournament,” she admitted.

 

“You did?” Lenara was surprised. “Why?”

 

“Because Kieran loves you. And she shouldn’t deprive herself of your friendship just because it can’t be more. Neither of you should. And you certainly shouldn’t torture yourselves over the fact that you’re still attracted to each other. I started to really think about your situation, and it occurred to me—you are to Kieran what she is to me.”

 

“Excuse me?” Lenara wasn’t following.

 

“When I was a kid, on Voyager, Kieran was my idol. She was this charismatic, witty, funny officer who just mesmerized me. I admired and I emulated her. And I loved her from afar, never really thinking I’d have a chance to be more to her than the little kid tagging along behind her. And then this truly bizarre twist of fate put us together. I got to be with my childhood idol, realized the whole fantasy of having her love me, and even more unbelievable, she married me,” Naomi explained. “And you, Lenara, are Kieran’s Kieran. She admired your work and your career from a distance, and never even hoped to meet you. And then not only did she meet you, she was privileged enough to get involved with you, and miracle of miracles, you fell in love with her. You were the first woman who ever validated who she was, loved her as an equal, didn’t mistreat her, and you pursued her relentlessly. Who wouldn’t be swept away by that? And look at you—” Naomi assessed her honestly. “Your intellect is staggering, and you are so beautiful, and you’re kind and gentle. You are not the sort of woman one forgets at all, let alone easily. Kieran will carry that love, that admiration for you and that sense of utter wonder and awe, all of her days. I know because I carry mine for her, and I know even if she leaves me someday, that I will still carry those things in my psyche. For Kieran to expect herself to do less with regard to you is ludicrous. For me to ask her to do less is wrong,” she concluded. “So don’t keep avoiding her. It’s killing her, though she won’t admit it.”

 

“It is?” Lenara asked faintly. “Are you sure about this, Naomi?”

 

Naomi took her hand. “You’re a much bigger threat to me if you remain this enigmatic question mark in her mind. And truth be told, Kieran has always, without fail, put my needs and my well being before everything—before her marriage to B'Elanna, before her friendship with my mothers, before her own physical survival. She taught me one very important thing. True love is the complete surrender of control. It’s wanting for your lover what she wants most for herself, regardless of the personal cost. It’s time I did for her what she has always done for me—I’m putting her first. If she spends time with you and suddenly decides you are where her heart is, I will step aside, because I love her and I want her happiness much more than I want my own. I told her a long time ago, I can completely see how she would rather be with you—you’re more grounded, settled, stable, and she doesn’t have to help you grow up. But I have to stop letting my fear dictate the course of my relationship with her, and stop making her feel like she has to stay distant from you. So please, forgive me for behaving badly, for not welcoming you truly into our house and our lives. Will you come to breakfast Saturday, and go to the tournament with us?”

 

Lenara considered momentarily, nodding slowly. “If you’re really sure. I never meant to cause such issues with you two, and I especially never meant to hurt Kieran.”

 

Naomi exhaled, relieved. “Thank you. I know it won’t be easy for the two of you, and you may have some things to work through. I think you both love each other enough that whatever work you have to do, you’ll do it to come to an understanding and a comfort zone with each other.”

 

Lenara Kahn regarded Naomi Wildman with sincere admiration and respect. “What time would you like me to be at your house Saturday?”

 

“0700 should be fine. Seven will likely do the cooking, since she always does. Are you okay about seeing her again?”

 

Lenara laughed. “Of course I am. I’m the one who broke it off with her. You’d better make sure she isn’t going to assimilate me.”

 

“You did? Why would you ever leave a wonderful woman like my mother?” Naomi was aghast.

 

“Your other mother.” Lenara grinned ruefully. “It didn’t take long to figure out Seven wasn’t over her—she didn’t have—what do you psychological types call it? Termination?”

 

“Closure,” Naomi corrected her.

 

“Right. I told her until she decided what she was doing about Kathryn, I wouldn’t see her again romantically,” Lenara explained. “And it was not an easy thing to do, because she is amazing.”

 

Naomi was still holding Lenara’s hand, and she squeezed it gently. “I think your walking away was amazing. You and Kieran are very much alike in your moral convictions, that way. No offense, but I’m glad you did it. It’s been wonderful having the Moms back together again.”

 

“Seven deserves to be happy. We all do.” She thought about Robin Lefler. “Can I bring anything on Saturday?”

 

“Yourself and a smile. Bring a hug for Kit. She adores you, you know.” Naomi smiled warmly thinking of her daughter.

 

“That would be mutual,” Lenara returned. “Come into the lab and I’ll show you something,” she invited. She led Naomi to the overhead display, punched in some commands, and brought up the Title page of the journal article she and Kit were co-publishing. “What do you think?”

 

Naomi clapped her hands together, pressing her fingertips to her mouth. “It’s wonderful, Lenara, and very generous of you. Thank you for everything you’re doing for her. You’ve had a visible positive impact on her life, already, and that is a tall order with a kid like her.” Naomi gazed at the title page awhile longer. “Well, I’ve taken up too much of your valuable time, Dr. Kahn. Please, forgive the interruption.”

 

Lenara walked her to the door, then impulsively hugged her. “It was not an interruption. You’re welcome to come by anytime at all,” she invited her.

 

Naomi hugged her back, thinking she had grossly misjudged the woman. “Thank you. Maybe I’ll come by some afternoon and drag you away for coffee.”

 

“Do that,” Lenara encouraged her. “And I’ll see you this weekend.”

 

After Naomi left, Lenara thought about what she had said. Love is the complete surrender of control. Putting your lover’s needs first. Lenara sat at her workstation, chin in her hand, thinking about Robin Lefler’s lovely blue eyes, her dazzling smile, her perfect body. If Robin really wanted whatever was waiting in Illinois, she should have it. And Lenara would not let that possibility dictate her own actions. She decided it was time to send Robin Lefler another gift. And then she decided to send two.

 

 

 

Robin Lefler was just finishing up a session with Kit Wildman, saying goodbye to her in the anteroom of her office, when a delivery came. The formal young cadet making the delivery handed the Counselor a set of two boxes. Kit watched eagerly as Robin opened the long flower box, which was filled with long-stemmed red roses. Robin eased them out of the box, reveling in the fragrance and the softness of the petals. 

 

“These are gorgeous,” she breathed. “Kit, will you get the vase off the top shelf of my bookcase? Just throw the artificial flowers in the recycler.”

 

“Sure.” Kit grinned at her, seeing how misty eyed she was getting. She helped the Counselor put the flowers in water, arranged them on her desk, and smiled at her. “Somebody thinks you’re pretty special,” she commented. “Was there a card?”

 

Robin seemed flustered. She realized she had just assumed they were from Lenara.  “I—forgot to look. Let me check.” She went back to her anteroom, and looked inside the box again. Inside, there was a tiny card. It said

 

               I believe it can happen twice in a lifetime.

 

Robin felt her throat closing as she read the card.

 

Kit grinned at the lovestruck look on her face. “What does that mean?” she asked the disconcerted Commander.

 

“It means—I am going to have to make some very difficult decisions, and soon,” she replied enigmatically, opening the second box. Inside was a dispenser of dental floss with a note that said “Dr. Kahn’s Patented Bug Removal System. Great for grasshopper legs, cockroach wings, and scorpion stingers.” Robin burst out laughing. There was a serious note in the bottom of the box that said:

 

Robin—

I hope you find what you’re looking for, whether it is in Illinois, or in your own back yard.

Have a safe trip.

Lenara

 

Kit nudged her therapist. “Are the flowers from Dr. Kahn?”

 

Robin nodded, a bit overwhelmed. “They’re lovely, don’t you think?” she breathed.

 

“They are,” Kit agreed, just a tad wistful in her reply.

 

“How do you feel about the fact that I’m seeing her?” Robin was immediately back in counselor mode. “It doesn’t hurt your feelings, does it?”

 

Kit shook her head. “My Mom told me everyone falls in love with their therapist, and so what I feel about you will supposedly pass, right?”

 

Robin nodded. “Eventually. Is that how you feel about me?” she asked faintly, worried.

 

“I don’t know, Robin,” Kit admitted. “I love Emily, and whatever I feel for you, it’s not the same as that. But I do catch myself—feeling strangely about you. It’s confusing,” she sighed.

 

“Tell me about it,” Robin encouraged her, taking her hand and leading her back to the couch in her inner chamber. “I want to handle this out in the open, Kit.”

 

“God, you always want me to just dump my guts. It’s a lot to ask of me, you know that?” Kit complained. “I mean, it’s one thing to tell you about Uncle Kenny, because that’s what we’re supposed to talk about. But how I feel about you is—harder, because I care more about how you react to what I say,” she pointed out.

 

“I do ask a lot of you, and you rise to the task admirably. I couldn’t be more proud of you, Kit. You work so hard at your recovery. But this is important, too. I need to know where you’re at with me, because I do have a relationship with your family and with you outside of this office. I don’t ever want to do anything that hinders your recovery. If I need to hide my personal life from you, more—if I need to shelter you from it, I need to know that,” she pleaded urgently, sincerely concerned.

 

“I’m not sure I have words for this,” she said hesitantly. “You know Emily and I are lovers, and I—I don’t feel like I want that with you,” she stumbled slightly over the words. “I just care what you think, I guess. It’s closer to how I love Kieran. Not that I wasn’t attracted to her when I met her, because I was—but she was married, and that was an absolute barrier to me. Is it always this hard to talk about feelings?” She threw up her hands, frustrated.

 

“Yes. It always is. Stay with me, sweetie.” She took Kit’s hands. “So your feelings for me aren’t sexual?”

 

“Not like they are for Ems,” Kit decided. “I think you’re stunning, though, and sometimes I feel like—I don’t know, like my heart is racing, when you’re around. I think that’s attraction, on some level. Mostly it’s like it is with Kieran—like I don’t want to disappoint you. And God, I hate that fucking word, because Uncle Kenny always used it to manipulate me. 'You don’t want to disappoint me, do you Kit?' He said that all the time, everytime he wanted me in bed. But I don’t know any other word for it. I want to live up to your expectations. I’m always afraid I’ll see some judgment in your eyes, if I disappoint you, I guess. Like—remember when you made me tell you about the first time Uncle Kenny—touched me?”

 

Robin nodded vigorously. “You were very brave to tell me those things,” she encouraged her.

 

“Well, when I opened my eyes, I could tell you’d been crying. And Jesus, that tore me up, Robin. That was half the reason I went out and got drunk, at least. I can’t stand hurting people I love, and I couldn’t get that picture out of my head, of how sad you looked. And of course, the only other picture in my head was him, doing those things, and I just lost it.” She drew a shaking breath, remembering.

 

“I’m sorry, Kit. I shouldn’t have let you see my reaction. It was very unprofessional of me, and inexcusable,” Robin berated herself.

 

“No, it was okay—I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad. And I was comforted knowing you do care enough about me to react, so it wasn’t all bad. It’s just—that’s how I feel about you, I guess—I love you, and I don’t want to cause you pain. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, either, though, because that’s just embarrassing. Does that make sense?” she asked earnestly.

 

“It makes perfect sense.” Robin hugged her. “And I do love you, so there’s no way I can hear those things and not feel sadness about them. But I can set it aside enough to help you, and to work with you. I can be objective to the degree I have to be, in spite of how much I care about you.”

 

Kit considered the original quesiton. “As for Dr. Kahn and you, I’m glad you two are seeing each other. I was pretty unimpressed with Mom trying to fix you up with that Rachel woman. She just isn’t good enough for you, Robin,” Kit decided.

 

Robin regarded her with mild astonishment. “She’s not?”

 

“Nope. Not even close. You know how you meet someone and you just get a feeling about them?” she asked innocently.

 

“Yes,” Robin agreed.

 

“The feeling I get around Rachel isn’t a positive one. She means well, but she just isn’t very—deep. People like Kieran, and you, and Dr. Kahn—you know how to look out for the people around you, how to put their interests above your own. Rachel can’t see past her own needs.”

 

“How do you know that, from meeting her one time?” Robin was fascinated, because that was her impression of Rachel McVicker, too.

 

“I’m not sure—I just know. You can see it in her eyes. Most people look at her and they see this drop-dead gorgeous woman with intense green eyes. That’s not what I see,” she concluded. “But Dr. Kahn is perfect,” Kit promised her.

 

“Well thanks for the advice, I think.” Robin smiled faintly.

 

“That was just an opinion. If you want my advice, here it is: run, don’t walk. The martial arts masters have an old saying—she who hesitates is lost. Don’t get lost, Robin,” Kit recommended.

 

“I’ll take it under consideration. In fact, I’ll go thank her in person for the flowers, right now.”

 

Kit nodded eagerly. “Good. Are you coming to my meet on Saturday?”

 

Robin frowned. “I’m going to be in Illinois. Sorry.”

 

Kit’s face fell. “That sounds like you’re working on getting lost, to me,” she criticized her. “Go see the Doctor. Take her to dinner again. I’ll bet you forget all about what’s in Illinois,” she predicted.

 

____________________

 

Robin Lefler hurried across campus, thinking hard about what Kit had said. Kieran was right. Kids and dogs are the best judge of character. Kit is awfully perceptive, and I think she’s got Rachel pegged. Why am I even going on this trip? A small voice inside her head replied: Hedging your bets. Lenara isn’t going to be on the Sato. Rachel is.

 

Robin found Lenara dozing in her office, curled up on her couch. She seemed to run out of steam every afternoon, and the lure of a nap was just too much for the fragile Trill.  Robin sat down in Lenara’s chair, watching her. God, she’s beautiful. I want her. I want to touch her, and hold her, and make love to her. Is she right? Can it happen twice in a lifetime? It feels like it’s happening again, just like in Ten-Forward. But it’s too soon. And there’s the Sato. What in God’s name am I supposed to do about that?

 

Presently, Lenara stirred, blinking rapidly. “Hey.” She wet her lips noisily, sitting upright. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I came to thank you for the roses,” Robin replied softly. “I was sitting here trying to decide which of you I think is prettier—you, or the flowers,” she clarified, moving out of her chair and beside the smaller woman. She had her in her arms in an instant, kissing her gently, the soft press of Lenara’s lips as intoxicating as any beverage they had shared.

 

Lenara twined her arms around Robin, cradling the back of her head as they embraced, still drowsy and not fully in possession of her senses. She felt her body yielding to the insistent arousal threatening at the periphery of her consciousness, felt herself surrendering her resistance. She deepened their kiss, mouth soft and pliant, open and yearning. When breathlessness won out over desire, she pulled away, leaning her head against Robin’s. “Let’s do carryout tonight, and take it to your place,” she said softly, invitingly.

 

Robin studied her with piercing blue eyes, heart hammering, still holding Lenara close. “Are you sure? Won’t you make yourself crazy all weekend?”

 

Lenara smiled. “Undoubtedly,” she admitted. “I don’t care.”

 

 

Before Robin and Lenara left for dinner, Lenara sent a quick comm message to Emily Frazier.

 

               Ems: You won the bet. Robin and I are going out tonight. I owe you a lobster dinner. Sorry to cancel on such short notice, but I think you’ll understand.
Love you, sweetie.
Lenara

 

 

“I laughed at the dental floss,” Robin informed her as they scampered along the rain-soaked streets of San Francisco. She helped Lenara jump across a large puddle, laughing as the Trill missed clearing it by several inches, and both women were splashed with muddy water.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Lenara apologized, blushing and giggling. “I didn’t mean to ruin your uniform pants.” She glanced piteously at the spattered stains on Robin’s legs.

 

“I can recycle them. Your jeans, too.” She nodded approvingly at the Trill’s attire. “What happened to your traditional Trill garb?” Her eyes twinkled as she pulled Lenara under her arm.

 

“I felt like wearing something different. Kieran replicated a pair of these for me the weekend she graduated. I always liked the way they felt.” She slipped her hands in the pockets, tugging them low on her waistline.

 

“Well they look great.” Robin couldn’t hide the unapologetic lust in her tone. “Trill clothing doesn’t do much to show off your better—assets,” she settled on a chaste word.

 

“Assets, or my ass?” Lenara demanded, grinning.

 

Robin nodded soberly. “Your ass. Absolutely.” She kissed her. “Lenara, listen.” She stopped them beneath a streetlamp. “I like you. A lot. But I think you were right last night when you refused to go home with me. I think we should just find a restaurant and eat there, tonight. Is that okay?”

 

Lenara slid her hands up Robin’s shoulders and around her neck. “You don’t want to be alone with me?” she asked, injured.

 

Robin closed her eyes, swallowing hard. “God, of course I do,” she breathed, trying to get a grip on herself.

 

Lenara kissed her persuasively, tangling her fingers in Robin’s hair. They leaned against the lampost, kissing endlessly, until Robin’s resolve was all but gone. Robin finally tore her mouth away, breathing hard, lips pressed against Lenara’s forehead. “You scare me,” she whispered. “I don’t like it,” she added, holding Lenara’s head against her chest.

 

“What are you afraid of?” Lenara asked quietly, lifting her eyes to meet Robin’s.

 

“Losing myself. Losing my perspective,” she replied. “I look at you, and I forget about the things I’m supposed to be thinking about,” she confessed. “I’m supposed to be figuring out if I want to stay at the Academy, or join the crew of the Sato. I’m supposed to be thinking about my career, and my choices. Instead, I’m thinking about you,” she said, her voice urgent.

 

Lenara eased out of her arms. “You’re the second person today who has told me I scare them,” she noted, thinking of Naomi Wildman. “I never considered myself such a terrifying person.”

 

Robin’s chest constricted sharply. “You’re seeing someone else?”

 

“No,” Lenara replied immediately. “Different context. Sorry.” She kissed Robin briefly. “I misspoke.” She sighed, seeing the conflicted emotions in Robin’s facial expression. “I didn’t mean to complicate things for you, Robin. If you want to go return to service aboard a ship, you should. Don’t let me distract you from your deliberations,” she instructed firmly. “I feel like Italian. How about Zanco’s?”

 

Robin nodded mutely. “It’s up this street.” She took Lenara’s hand again.

 

 

They were painfully silent through the meal, absorbed in their own thoughts. Finally, Robin had to ask. “Who told you you frighten them?”

 

“Naomi Wildman,” Lenara replied flatly, tasting her ravioli. “She still perceives me as a threat to her marriage, on some levels,” she explained. “But she invited me to breakfast Saturday, and to sit with her and Kieran at the tournament. She’s decided to let nature take its course, and to live with whatever Kieran chooses to do about her alleged lingering feelings for me.”

 

“Damn.” Robin was awed by it. “She said that?”

 

“Not in those words. She said she wants Kieran and I to stop avoiding each other, because it’s killing Kieran. And she said if Kieran spends time with me and decides I’m where her heart is, she’ll step aside, because she wants Kieran’s happiness more than her own,” Lenara repeated the conversation in part.

 

Robin took a healthy swallow of wine, truly concerned. After everything Kieran had told her, Naomi’s willingness to push Lenara and Kieran at each other seemed dangerous. “Be careful, Lenara,” she warned.

 

“Why? Do you think Kieran is going to come running back to me?” she laughed. “It would never happen,” she advised indignantly.

 

“Would you want her to?” Robin asked pointedly.

 

Lenara toyed with her food, considering. “If she would be happier, yes. But I don’t believe she would be. Even if I were the perfect woman for her, she’d be so guilty over leaving Naomi for me, the relationship would never get two steps. And I wouldn’t want her that way. Free and clear, yes. But not that way.”

 

“Did you accept the invitation?” Robin wondered, noting her gut was in knots.

 

“Yes. I think Kieran and I should be friends, and we should get past this awkwardness with each other. I don’t want to lose her friendship over our frustrated attraction to one another. I want us to be adults about it, and move beyond it. And I like Naomi. I’d like to know her better. And of course, I love Kit. She is such a wonderful young woman,” she said fondly.

 

Robin nodded enthusiastically. “Kit is the best. She thinks you’re a very good idea for me, in fact,” she confided, grinning.

 

“Inordinately bright. Did I mention that Kit is inordinately bright?” Lenara batted her eyelashes. “Perceptive, organized, insightful. Kit is all of those things.” She grinned. “You should listen to her.”

 

“Are you mad at me for not taking you home with me?” Robin asked softly, taking Lenara’s hand.

 

“No. I understand what you’re doing. I’m the master at it,” she laughed lightly.

 

“Why? What am I doing?” Robin squeezed her hand, all seriousness now.

 

“Protecting yourself. I do it all the time. Funny, though,” she added contemplatively, “the only time I truly fell madly in love, I had my guard completely down. With Kieran,” she realized. “And I had decided, today, I wasn’t going to see you again. I told myself I wouldn’t go out with you again, because you’re not sure about me, and I am sure about you. I was going to run, as I always do, when things are risky.”

 

“Then what are you doing here?” Robin asked, no longer hungry.

 

“Naomi said something that struck me. She said true love is the complete surrender of control, and it’s wanting for your lover what she wants most for herself, regardless of the cost to yourself. And that’s when I decided to send you the flowers, and to take this as it comes, regardless of how you approach Illinois, regardless of what you decide about the Sato. I resigned myself to whatever happens, and to put myself out there, anyway. I’ve tried running and protecting myself, and it got me where I am right now. I have to force myself not to do that anymore, because this is not where I want to be. I miss that woman who rearranged her whole life to follow Kieran Thompson to the Enterprise. She had style, she had the courage of her convictions, and she had a chance at happiness, because she wasn’t afraid to risk everything. I want to be that woman again.”

 

Robin sat in stunned silence, studying Lenara’s lovely face. This was a woman worth risking it all for. If only she could find it in herself to let go of her fears.
 

____________________

 

Lenara Kahn perched in the bleachers of the gymnasium, sandwiched between Kieran Wildman and Emily Frazier. Naomi Wildman sat on Emily’s other side, affording Kieran any privacy she might want with Lenara. Naomi held Emily’s hand, nervous about Kit’s current match, which was going badly for Kit.

 

“I don’t understand it,” Kieran said to Lenara. “I’ve never seen her struggle in the ring like this. Shit.” She winced as Kit took a devastating snap kick to the chin and reeled backward. She leaned forward, around Lenara. “Ems, did you and Kit have an argument or anything?”

 

Emily shook her head. “No. She’s upset about something else. I can’t tell you about it,” she offered mildly.

 

“She is?” Kieran was startled. “She seemed fine at breakfast. Come on Ems, what’s going on with her?” she coaxed.

 

The crowd groaned as Kit hit the padded floor again.

 

Emily rolled her eyes. “She’s pissed at Robin, okay?” she asked impatiently. “Don’t sweat it. Kit never loses.”

 

“I don’t give a fuck about the match, I’m worried about her,” Kieran hissed. “God, Ems, do you think I give a shit about another trophy in her bedroom?”

 

Emily shrugged. “Don’t all parents care about shit like that?” she asked off-handedly. “Come on Kit, concentrate,” she hollered.

 

“That kid kicked her in the knee,” Kieran complained. The referee warned the opponent, taking away a point.

 

“That’s illegal?” Lenara asked.

 

“It is in this tournament. Each one sets out the rules ahead of time. That’s the only illegal move in this match, because it’s full contact, otherwise,” Kieran explained.

 

“He sucks,” Emily added. “He is not cotrolled at all. He totally lacks economy in his strikes and his motion. Kit’s form is perfect.”

 

“Yes,” Naomi agreed, “but he’s kicking her ass.”

 

The referee was waving off the fight, motioning to the judges. Kit’s opponent had kicked her in the knees yet again, and she was down. Her opponent was being disqualified. Kieran was already down the bleachers, and onto the mat.

 

“Kit.” She had the younger woman in her arms, “Are you okay?”

 

Kit grimaced in pain, but nodded. “I think I strained something,” she panted. “It’ll be okay. Let me rest a minute.”

 

The tournament medic came over to examine Kit’s right leg, her dominant one, moving it through the range of motion, testing for joint laxity and ligamentous stability. “Does this hurt?” he asked, palpating the back of her knee.

 

“Not much,” Kit advised, still resting against Kieran’s torso.

 

“If I were you,” the medic said, “I’d drop out of this tournament. I’ve seen you fight at the Nationals, kid, and you are not ‘on’ today. Something’s got you psyched out. You could get hurt. Your knee is strained. Ice it, just to be safe, but otherwise, you’re cleared to finish the tournament,” he advised. “I’ll tell the judges.”

 

Kieran slid her arms beneath Kit’s armpits, helping her up. “You okay, sweetie?” She kissed Kit’s hair.

 

“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine,” she agreed, walking gingerly on her leg to test it.  “It’s okay. I’m not dropping out, either.”

 

Kieran took her to an empty chair on the sidelines, where the contestants sat in between matches. “Honey, what’s bothering you?” she asked gently.

 

Kit hung her head. “It’s not really my business. I just wanted Robin to come today,” she confessed, hurt. “I know why she didn’t.”

 

“You mean because she’s with Rachel, in Illinois?” Kieran clarified, touching Kit’s face, noting the deep worry lines around her eyes. She looked almost as stressed as she had when she had first come to live in San Francisco.

 

Kit nodded.

 

“And you’re hurt because she chose Rachel over spending time with you?” Kieran wanted to understand.

 

“No.” Kit’s eyes widened, “Not that. Mom,” she whined. “Get real.”

 

“Then what, kiddo?” Kieran wasn’t following. “Why are you upset with Robin?”

 

Kit sighed as if her adoptive mother were beyond dense. “Because Dr. Kahn is dying over it. Can’t you see that?”

 

“Oh,” Kieran sighed. “Yes, in fact, I can see that. And no one is sorrier than me. But Robin’s a big girl, and she has to make her own choices. You and I both know how special Lenara is, and we’ve both tried to tell Robin that. It’s not our fault if she didn’t listen.” She hugged her daughter.

 

“You told Robin that, too?” Kit wanted confirmation. “You did your best?”

 

Kieran nodded. “I promise, honey. I did. I told Robin all the reasons why she should be with Lenara. I guess she wants to find out for herself, though. You can’t let that ruin your day, Kit. Dr. Kahn would be so sad, if she knew that’s why you’re tanking in this tournament. She wouldn’t want you feeling bad for her.”

 

“I can’t help it, Mom. I love her,” Kit asserted, flexing her knee to test it. “I have to get some ice on this, or it’s going to swell up,” she realized. “Damn it,” she muttered.

 

“I’ll get an ice wrap, sit tight,” Kieran advised. She jogged over to the medical station, procured a large bag of crushed ice and an Ace bandage, and went to wrap her daughter’s leg. “Sit still, sweetie, and I’ll pack you.” She draped the ice around her knee, securing it with the stretchy bandage and clipping it off. “That should do it. Can you get your head back in this thing, Kit, or should we go home? Either way, I want you to do what you want, okay?”

 

Kit nodded. “I can get my focus back. I just need to meditate. I have time before my next match. Help me over to the walkway?” she asked.

 

Kieran steadied her as they walked across the hardwood floor to an empty area, away from the competition. Kit had Kieran settle her on the floor in a lotus position, which was unwieldy with the ice bag on her leg. “Will you do the exercises with me, Mom?”

 

Kieran nodded, taking off her shoes and folding her long legs into the lotus position. They started the methodical breathing to cadence count, centering themselves, letting the outside commotion slip away. Kieran kept an eye on the tournament, to make sure Kit was on time at her next fight, but she helped the younger woman regain her inner calm, her focus, her intensity.

 

“Let it go Kit, all of the expectations, the disappointment, the need to control it,” Kieran said softly beside her daughter.

 

Kit focused her energy in her heart chakra, where her tension lay. I renounce negative psychic tension. Ohm, nemah, shivayah, she chanted inwardly. Relax. Focus. I am the master of myself. The light of pure consciousness fills me. I am cleansed. I renounce all tension. I surrender to myself.

 

Kieran watched her daughter, fascinated at the blanketing calm that settled in her features, the worry lines dissipating, the frown smoothing away. When she touched Kit’s hand to tell her it was time for her next fight, Kit smiled warmly, the burning intensity back in her eyes. “Mom?” she asked softly, still meditative.

 

“Yeah?” Kieran grinned at her, knowing she wasn’t quite on this plane of consciousness.

 

“Thanks. I love you more than basketball.” She smiled at her.

 

“Hey, I’m your biggest fan, Kit.” She got to her feet, then reached for her daughter’s hands, pulling her up and kissing her cheek. She hugged her fiercely. “I love you too, sweetheart. Always. You have a heart the size of the bay, Kit.” She kissed her hair tenderly. “Are you ready for this match?” She walked her over to the sparring area.

 

“I am now. You’re the best,” she assured her mother, kissing her cheek.

 

Kieran dropped to her knees to remove the ice bag and Ace wrap, setting them aside. She got back upright, looking her daughter in the eyes. “I’m proud of you, Kit. Win or lose, for the rest of your life. You fill my heart, kiddo. Good luck.” She hugged her once more, then jogged back to her seat. She wiped impatiently at her eyes, voice jagged with emotion.

 

“What’s bothering her?” Lenara asked softly.

 

“She’s too much like me, that’s what,” Kieran said hoarsely, tugging her shoes back on and tying them. “She’s upset that Robin went to Illinois to see Rachel, and that it’s hurting you. Sensitive to her own detriment,” she explained, still choked up.

 

Lenara lay her hand on Kieran’s. “She’s an amazing person. That much is like you. I’m sorry I upset her. I thought I was hiding my feelings remarkably well.”

 

Kieran smirked. “Nobody can hide anything from Kit. She’s too sharp. And she loves you so much, Lenara, she can read you like a book. It’s not your fault, honey.” She hugged the smaller woman. “She’s better, now.”

 

“I saw you doing something with her—what was it?” Lenara asked, perplexed.

 

“Meditation. I’ll show you how, if you like. It’s very—calming. Freeing, even. I use it a lot, now. Kit has taught me so much,” she murmured. “Her match is starting,” she sat up straighter, letting Lenara go.

 

____________________

 

“Why did you come, then, Robin?” Rachel McVicker was saying. “Just to tell me in person?” she was confused, and not taking the information very well.

 

Robin Lefler replaced the canoe oar in the oar rack, removed her lifevest, and dumped it in the return caddy. “I wanted to see you again, to be sure. Is that a crime? It seemed more fair than not coming at all,” she pointed out reasonably. Robin had wanted to give the woman a real chance to change her mind, and had come a day early, in fact.

 

They had spent Friday swimming at the lake, sunning themselves, and talking. And Robin had not once stopped thinking about Lenara, even when Rachel kissed her and tried to coax her into making love. They had gone to sleep in separate rooms, when all was said and done, and Rachel had not been a very good sport about it.

 

Rachel shed her own gear, then returned to the canoe to drag it onto the shore to beach it properly. “You’ve been here barely 24 hours, and you’ve decided?” she demanded. “You can’t stay the rest of the weekend?”

 

“I could, but there wouldn’t be any point. Rachel, no matter what I do about the Sato, I haven’t stopped thinking about Lenara once since I got here. I’m kidding myself if I think that doesn’t mean anything. I have to get back. I have to tell her. I’m sorry. Will you call a transport for me?”

 

Rachel shrugged. “I guess so. Let’s go back to the cabin.”

 

___________________

 

The gymnsasium was recessed for lunch at the Kenpo tournament, and all around the floor, the various afternoon sessions were gearing back up, green and purple belt matches in one corner, brown in another, and black in the center of the floor. The kata was to be performed by each black belt participant, as sort of a half-time entertainment, and the bleachers were starting to fill again in anticipation of Kit’s performance. Kit Wildman was set to go last, since she was reigning national champion in her class. She was stretching, testing her knee, which was slightly swollen and more than a bit tender.

 

Robin Lefler entered the arena, spotting Kit in her dojo’s signature purple gi, sporting her splendid black belt. Robin made her way along the floor, wanting to wish Kit luck. “Hey you,” she called over to the younger woman.

 

“Robin!” Kit dashed for her, forgetting her sore knee, forgetting how angry she was at her, forgetting how much she had hurt Lenara. “I’m so glad to see you. Did you get lost?” she asked pointedly.

 

“I wouldn’t be here now, if I had.” She tousled Kit’s hair fondly. “You were right about Rachel. And you were right about Lenara. Where are they sitting?”

 

“They’ll be back from lunch shortly, but they’re in section 112, row 16. The seats aren’t reserved, but that’s the general vicinity of where they were this morning.”

 

“Didn’t you eat?” Robin asked, concerned.

 

“I did—I just left them at the restaurant a little early, so I could work out. I hurt my knee this morning, and I had to do a regen session on it. I only made it to the finals because the guy I fought this morning got disqualified for kicking me there. Otherwise, I’d have lost for the first time ever,” she explained.

 

“Are you okay?” Robin took her hands.

 

“I am now that you’re here. I was pretty pissed at you this morning. It blew my concentration,” she informed her counselor, though not in an accusing tone at all.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetie.” Robin kissed her cheek. “Forgive me?”

 

“You won’t be making any return trips to Illinois?” Kit withdrew her hands and crossed her arms.

 

“I swear, I won’t. Rachel is not real happy with me right now, anyway,” she chuckled.

 

Kit waggled her eyebrows. “Why? What’d you do to her?”

 

“Made her sleep by herself, last night,” she whispered, leaning closer to Kit. “Wouldn’t even let her kiss me, after she tried once. Boy, was she mad,” Robin laughed. “And that’s the difference between her and Lenara. Lenara would never get mad about something like that. She would understand,” Robin realized.

 

“Hey, there’s my family.” Kit nodded toward them. “I think you should be really romantic, and go that direction. Wait ‘til they’re all seated, and sneak down the bleachers, and sit right behind Lenara—I mean Dr. Kahn—and surprise her. She’ll probably jump up and kiss you,” Kit predicted, grinning. “Go on, before she sees you talking to me, you goof.” She pushed Robin away.

 

Robin laughed at her fanciful plan, but decided to follow her advice for once. If she’d done that in the first place, she wouldn’t have wasted the past two days on someone she didn’t remotely care about. She climbed the far end of the bleachers, sitting at the top behind a group of very sedate Asians who were eating their lunch bag sushi in silence.

 

She watched Lenara Kahn, who was talking to Emily, walking with her arm around the willowy teenager, listening to every word the young woman uttered. She’s a great listener, Robin realized. As good as Kieran, even. She’s never caught up in talking about herself, even though she’s famous and very important. Unlike Rachel, who can only talk about herself, even though she’s neither famous nor important. She looks tired, and sad. I must have hurt her a lot by going. I’ll have to make it up to her. I hope she’ll let me.

 

Robin crept along the top row of the bleachers, coming down row by row until she was six rows above where Lenara was seated. Just as she was coming down to the fifth row above them, Kieran stood and turned around. She started to say something to Robin, but Robin shook her head and put her finger to her lips. Kieran winked and turned back around, scooting down to let Robin sit beside Lenara.

 

Lenara looked at Kieran, and said “Did my deoderant stop working?” just as Robin stepped over the last row.

 

“Someone else wants to sit there,” Robin said playfully, straddling the wooden bench and facing her lover.

 

Lenara couldn’t help herself, she was so surprised. She grabbed Robin and hugged her, then kissed her in front of everyone. They held each other, hugging for long moments, unaware that Kit Wildman was watching from the floor, clapping her hands in delight and laughing happily.

 

“I missed you so much, I had to come home,” Robin breathed against her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Lenara. Please forgive me.”

 

Lenara closed her eyes, swallowing her hurt and her frustration, letting them go. “There’s nothing to forgive. You’re here, and that’s all that matters,” she assured the Counselor, gazing into her eyes with a tender, fond expression.

 

Robin kissed her again, heart on her lips, holding Lenara’s face in her hands. “Thank you for understanding,” she murmured between kisses.

Emily leaned over, pressing against Lenara’s back. “Kit’s about to start her kata,” she advised.

 

Lenara pushed Robin to arm’s length. “A bit of decorum, please.” She grinned wickedly at her lover, turning to face the performance.

 

Robin wrapped her arm around Lenara’s waist, observing Kit’s performance, immediately taken in by the beauty of the movement.

 

Kit moved like mercury, graceful and lithe, smiling broadly the whole time, because finally, her heart was at peace over Lenara and Robin. She lost herself in the motions, which were in and of themselves, a form of meditation, a means of communion with herself, her soul, the universe.

 

Naomi recognized the performance as being part of the same ebb and flow that she found in her music, the same worship of the sublime, the same communion.  She was breathless watching her daughter, and Kieran moved over to sit beside her, enfolding her in warm arms as Kit mesmerized them. Kieran held Naomi close, heart filled with love and with joy. This was their child, as certainly as if they had given birth to her and raised her, and they were a family, cemented by love and respect and commitment.

 

The auditorium was deathly still as Kit cast the spell that drew everyone’s attention. The promoters and organizers stopped their preparations for the afternoon matches, standing stock still to witness perfection in motion. Kit Wildman was known around the world for her skill in this sport, and everyone understood, suddenly, what all the fuss was about. When she completed the final sequence, the crowd erupted in appreciation, applauding frantically and clamoring over the performance. Judges rushed over to congratulate her, to praise her for her grasp of the artform, and competitors from all divisions swarmed her for a chance to talk to the national champion. She signed more autographs than she could count, flushed with embarrassment, but pleased that she had recovered from her poor showing of the morning rounds.

 

Kit drew a bye in the first round of the finals, and she came up into the stands to spend a few minutes with Emily, her friends, and her family. She hugged Robin as soon as she got to their row, laughing.

 

“I told you it would be romantic,” she enthused. “I was watching from the floor. You guys look so great together,” she said warmly.

 

Robin grinned at her, hugging her back. “You were right about that, too.”

 

___________________

 

Kit Wildman raised her glass with her friends and family, keeping a watchful eye on Robin and Lenara, making sure they were behaving as new lovers should. Otherwise, she would have to give Robin a tongue lashing. Kieran stood at the head of the table, glass lofted high.

 

“To Kit, who has more hardware than a shuttlecraft,” Kieran toasted her daughter. “Mikey,” she waved Mike Sorvino over to their table, “take a look at this trophy, bud. Ever seen anything so big in your whole life?” she bragged.

 

Mike whistled appreciatively. “That’s a looker, Kit.” He grinned at her. “How many more have you got? This must be—what, ten or twelve just since you moved here?”

 

Kit blushed. “I don’t know, Mikey, I don’t keep count.”

 

“I do,” Naomi put in proudly. “This is number eight, actually. It’s a good thing Seven is moving out, because we’re going to turn her room into a trophy room for Kit.” She sipped her beer, laughing.

 

“There’s always Geejay’s room,” Emily put in, “once Seven’s is full.”

 

Robin and Lenara sat at the far end of the table, not really paying attention to much but each other. “I’m really glad you came, today,” Lenara told Robin softly, taking her hand under the table.

 

“Me, too. I was going to suggest we take our food to go, and go back to my place,” she teased, since the proposition had almost become a standing joke. “But I figured you’d just say no, again, so I didn’t bother,” she laughed.

 

Lenara quirked an eyebrow. “Mike?” she waved him over.

 

He handed the trophy back to Kieran, who sat it on their table, making sure everyone in the restauarant could see it. “What can I do for you, Doc?” he asked, leaning down where he could hear her.

 

“Could you make one of the Reubens and the chicken salad to go?”

 

“I could for you.” He patted her shoulder. “MOLLY!” he shouted to his wife, heading back into the kitchen.

 

Robin’s jaw was hanging down. “Lenara, what are we going to tell everyone?” She was flabbergasted.

 

The Trill smiled. “I don’t think it will matter what excuse we make. They’re not stupid enough to buy anything but the truth.”

 

When the food arrived, Mike brought to-go bags to the two women. Robin looked at Lenara, as if to say “you got us into this, you make the apologies”. Lenara scowled at her, but grabbed the bags and stood to go.

 

“Ladies, thanks for a great day. Kit, you were astonishing, as always. Robin and I have some personal business to attend to, if you’ll all excuse us,” she said directly, though she was blushing. “Was that discreet enough?” she asked Robin loudly.

 

Robin groaned, holding her face in her hands. “Jesus, Lenara,” she bitched. She laughed at her girlfriend, shaking her head. “Bye everyone. I’m slinking off to die of embarrassment, now,” she added.

 

They left amid a minimum of catcalls, Robin still shaking her head and laughing.

 

She cast a wary glance at Lenara. “Kieran didn’t warn me about this,” she complained.

 

“This?” Lenara took her hand, leading her out the door of the Time Warp.

 

“Your complete inability to behave properly in public,” Robin teased her.  “First, kissing me at the tournament, then practically telling our friends we’re sneaking off to make out,” she laughed.

 

Lenara squeezed her hand. “Are we going to make out?” she chuckled.

 

“God, I hope so,” Robin laughed.

 

“Did you really mind my kissing you in public?” she asked, concerned.

 

“Not a bit. I’ve kissed you in public before.”

 

“Yes, but not in front of friends, and certainly not in front of your ex-lover,” Lenara pointed out.

 

“I didn’t mind,” Robin assured her, stopping in the street and kissing her. “In fact, I think we should kiss all over the city, and not stop until we’ve shocked everyone,” she giggled.  

 

 

 

Robin led Lenara into the darkened house, a small victorian rental six blocks from campus. “It’s not much,” she said apologetically, “but I didn’t expect to be here very long, so I never looked for anything better.”

 

“It’s nice,” Lenara decided. “Especially the fire place.”

 

“I’ll build one, if you like. It’s rainy enough that the house will be cool, even with a fire in the hearth,” she offered.

 

“That sounds—romantic,” Lenara decided. “Only, Trill overheat easily, so don’t build anything huge,” she requested.

 

Robin took a throw off the couch and spread it in the hardwood floor before the fireplace. “We can have a picnic down here. What kind of wine would you prefer—red or white?”

 

Lenara smiled. “I think white, with chicken salad, don’t you?”

 

“I think wine with sandwiches at all doesn’t matter,” she supplied. “I’ll get the bottle,” she placed the bag in the floor, retrieved plates and silverware, and came back with an open bottle of white wine and two glasses. She joined Lenara in the floor long enough to give her a glass. “You sip this while I build the fire.” She got on her knees, kissing her companion.

 

Lenara watched her working, admiring her ass.

 

“What are you thinking?” Robin could feel Lenara’s gaze on her back.

 

“I was thinking that I’ve never really looked at you until just now, and how odd that is. You’re very attractive. Usually I notice that sort of thing right away,” she puzzled over it. “I mean I noticed, but not like I’m noticing right this second.”

 

“Must be that my shining personality had you too preoccupied to notice my other qualities,” she quipped, shoving starter material beneath the stack of logs and kindling. She got the fire going momentarily, and came back to her partner. “Or maybe you’ve just been sublimating your attraction,” she smiled.

 

“Oh, God, not another one who is going to psychoanalyze me,” Lenara complained. She had laid out their food while Robin fixed the fire, and now handed Robin her plate.

 

“Occupational hazard,” Robin smarted. “I’ll try to keep my keen insights to a minimum. It’s funny, though, how everyone thinks because I’m a counselor, I need counseling myself.” She grinned, thinking of Kit.

 

“I think you’re a mental case,” Lenara smarted, shoving a potato chip in Robin’s mouth to stop her from arguing back.

 

Robin glared playfully at her, munching her corned beef and sauerkraut. “Kit tried to advise me not to go to Illinois, in fact,” she continued.

 

Lenara smiled, covering her full mouth. “I love that girl. What did she say?”

 

Robin grinned, remembering. “She was so cute, Lenara. She told me the martial arts masters have an old saying—‘She who hesitates is lost.’ When I told her I was going to go see Rachel, she said ‘I don’t know, Robin, that sounds like getting lost to me.’ She told me Rachel isn’t a very deep person, and you are, and that you would be perfect for me. She said ‘run don’t walk’ to be with you.”

 

Lenara laughed, warming at Kit’s advice. “How did you ever end up discussing us?”

 

“She was there when your flowers came, and as her therapist, I was obligated to ask her how she feels about you and I getting involved. You know how it is with my clients—they all fall in love with me, at some point, and so I have to tread lightly,” she explained.

 

Lenara was startled. “They do? Kieran never told me that about therapists. Is that expected?”

 

“Definitely. But it’s a delicate balance to strike between not hurting their feelings and keeping enough distance. Kit makes it doubly tough, because I just adore her. Anyway, I asked her how she felt about us, and she gave you her highest recommendation. She was pissed off at me for going to see Rachel.”

 

“I know,” Lenara confirmed. “You nearly cost her the title today. She got the shit kicked out of her in one of her fights, and Kieran said it was because she was worrying about me, and how I felt about you going to Illinois,” she sounded scolding.

 

“Oh, the crushing, cursed guilt.” Robin threw her arm dramatically over her forehead. “Stop. Stop I say, I can bear no more.”

 

“Sarcasm is the language of assholes,” Lenara advised her.

 

Robin’s eyes grew wider. “Assholes can talk?”

 

“You’ve never seen your Earth politicians doing it?” Lenara joked.

 

Robin got cracked up. “That was good,” she praised her companion. “Are you finished?” She spied her empty plate.

 

“Yep. Where’s you’re recycler?”

 

Robin took the plate. “I’ll get it. More wine?”

 

“Lots more,” Lenara agreed, smiling up at her.

 

Robin waggled her eyebrows. “Ooooh, are you going to get drunk and let me have my way with you?” she teased.

 

“I’m going to let you have your way with me, whether I’m drunk or not,” Lenara flirted, watching the subtle change in Robin’s expression as the words washed over her.

 

“Then I’m definitely staying sober for that,” Robin shot back, regaining her composure instantly. “Don’t go anywhere.” She trotted off to recycle the plates and silverware.

 

When she came back with the bottle, Lenara was stretched out on the floor, staring into the fire, chin in both hands and belly pressed against the cold hardwood. She had kicked off her shoes and taken off her pullover sweater, leaving just her blue jeans and her white mock turtleneck.

 

“You’re really getting the hang of this Earth attire thing,” Robin noted as she joined her in the floor.

 

“I love the clothes your people wear,” she admitted. “Naomi always looks so appealing, especially,” she pointed out.

 

“She is stylish,” Robin agreed.

 

“I like this a lot.” Lenara rolled onto her side, fingering the fabric of Robin’s rugby pullover. “I like the contrasting colors.” She studied the fabric, which was a broad-striped gold and blue. “The buttons are so odd, though.” She tugged at one curiously.

 

“Rubber,” Robin advised. “So when you play the sport the shirt is designed for, they give a little.”

Lenara grinned mischeivously, tugging on Robin’s shirtfront. “They do give,” she agreed, pulling her close enough for a kiss.

 

They explored each other’s lips gently, tentatively, immediately aware of how uncomfortable it was in the floor. Robin smiled into their kiss, chuckling. “Are you even remotely comfortable?” she asked.

 

“Not at all,” Lenara agreed.

 

“Come with me,” Robin sat up and hauled herself off the floor, taking Lenara up with her. “This is much better.” She led her to the couch, lying on her back and drawing Lenara down on top of her, the smaller woman fitting easily into her embrace. “I’ve wanted to hold you like this for the longest time,” she said softly.

 

“It’s only been a week,” Lenara reminded her, snickering. “Humans are so impatient,” she teased.

 

Robin feigned remorse. “I don’t mean to rush you. Would you like me to walk you home, instead?” she needled her lover.

 

“You know I wouldn’t.” Lenara moved over her, pinning her to the couch with a blistering kiss.

 

Robin held the Trill tightly, deepening their kiss, no longer playful. Lenara’s breath was so sweet, so delicate, and it inflamed the Counselor, kissing her. Lenara parted her lips with a faint caress, tongue against lips, coaxing, inviting, teasing. Robin shivered at the tentative intrusion, taking the softness into her mouth, welcoming it.

 

Her fingers skated over the planes of Lenara’s back, and quite unconsciously, she stroked the pattern of Trill markings at the intersection of Lenara’s shoulder blades. Lenara gasped into Robin’s kiss, unaware that she had done so, body yielding immediately to the soft exploration of her skin. Robin untucked her shirt, letting her fingers splay over her lower back, and beneath the fabric, dancing lightly over the spots there. Lenara moaned softly, the sound captured by the fullness of their kiss.

 

Robin was startled at the immediacy of her response, and wondered what she was doing that was making things move so quickly. She had no intention of rushing anything, but Lenara was already breathing heavily. Lenara reached behind her, moving Robin’s hands away. She broke their kiss, resting her face on Robin’s shoulder. “Do you know anything about Trill anatomy?” she asked her lover.

 

“Nothing, I’m afraid. I took interspecies sexuality so long ago, I don’t recall a word of it,” she apologized. “But I know I’m doing something wrong,” she admitted.

 

“Not wrong—too right, too soon,” Lenara laughed. “The markings you see on my body are very sensitive,” she explained. “And the ones you can’t see are even moreso. For a Trill, they’re as responsive as say, a human woman’s nipples, and the lower they are on my body, the more erogenous they are. Touching my back where you are is as forward as my sliding my hand beneath your underwear and between your legs,” she advised.

 

“Oh, God, I’m sorry,” Robin hugged her tightly, feeling like a teenaged boy groping and pawing at a virgin. “Lenara, I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I’ve never been with any species other than my own.” She felt horrible. “You’re going to have to be patient with me, and help me not to rush you or frighten you. I feel like an idiot,” she sounded disgusted with herself.

 

“You’re not,” Lenara said gently. “I should have told you right away. My markings are not only sensitive, they also make a perfect path to my most sensitive places. Unlike humans, whose sensitive places can be anywhere they are conditioned for them to be.”

 

Robin laughed, forgiving herself slightly. “Damn, I should have asked Kieran for a few pointers, when I was busy grilling her about you.” She hugged Lenara lightly.

 

“You grilled her about me?” Lenara was amused. “Whatever for?”

 

“Because I wanted to know if she would be upset if I pursued you, and I wanted her opinion of you,” she confessed. “I’m a little bit afraid to touch you, now,” she said quietly. “Are there places that aren’t too forward?”

 

Lenara balanced her weight on her arms, peering into Robin’s eyes. “You’re very sweet,” she decided. “Touch my face, when you kiss me,” she encouraged her.

 

“But you have spots there,” Robin was nervous now.

 

“Those are less sensitive, because they are higher up on my body. The place between my shoulders is very responsive, and down my back is increasingly so. This takes some getting used to, I imagine. Are you sure you want to bother?” she asked, concerned.

 

Robin kissed her passionately, cupping her face in both hands and taking her breath away. “I want to bother in the worst way,” she assured her, kissing her again.

 

Lenara kissed Robin’s throat, feeling for her pulse with the gentlest brushing of lips. Robin shivered again, her breath taken suddenly in as Lenara’s teeth grazed her pulse point. “That is very provocative for a human,” Robin informed her.

 

“I know. I’ve had human lovers before,” she reminded her, nipping at her throat again.

 

They kissed repeatedly, learning each other’s kiss, exploring gently, the arousal building slowly, deeply, more insistently as they moved against one another. Lenara pressed her thigh between Robin’s legs, letting the subtle pressure heighten the Counselor’s desire, rocking against her occasionally just to hear Robin sigh.

 

Robin forgot to be intimidated as her own need asserted itself, and she let her fingers brush lightly over Lenara’s facial markings, over her temples and her throat, listening as the Trill’s breathing changed faintly, her body temperature increasing markedly. When Lenara started to move rhythmically against Robin’s body to press her thigh against Robin’s mons, Robin let her hands slide around Lenara’s shoulders to caress the back of her neck. Lenara breathed into their kiss, smiling.

 

“You’re a quick study,” she complimented her lover, arching beneath her delicate caress.

 

“Not an impatient human?” Robin smarted.

 

“Definitely human, not impatient,” Lenara affirmed. “Am I being too eager with you?”

 

“Not at all,” Robin smiled, touching her cheek. “You’re tender and lovely and you’re making me very, very, excited.”

 

Lenara shuddered softly at the description. “It’s a very interesting practice, that humans engage in foreplay with their clothing on,” she marveled at it.

 

“Trill don’t?” Robin was surprised.

 

“Not usually, and probably because of the very reason you discovered tonight. If your vallette are concealed, they can be inadvertently stimulated too much or too soon. Trill disrobe for foreplay, and it usually lasts a very long time. Humans use clothing to heighten the arousal of foreplay, in my experience, and it is much more brief. But then humans make love more frequently.”

 

“Did you and Kieran strike the right balance between Trill and human sexual customs?”

 

Lenara smiled, remembering. “The perfect balance,” she decided. “I found I liked her approach much better than any Trill’s,” she added softly.

 

“Will you teach me?” Robin asked sincerely. “I want to please you, Lenara.” She kissed her fiercely.

 

Lenara nodded. “I will, if you’ll agree to do the same.” She kissed her again. “I want you so much,” she whispered into their kisses, immediately aware that the words incited Robin’s desire.

 

“Would you like to go to my room? My bed’s a lot bigger than this couch,” she invited her.

 

“That’d be nice.” Lenara eased out of her arms, moving off the couch, and reaching for Robin’s hand. She tugged her upright, helping her to her feet, then letting the Counselor lead her to bed.

 

Robin stopped to light several candles, preferring the fainter light to the glare of overhead lighting. Lenara waited patiently, watching her move around the room, and watching the room shimmer into focus as the illumination increased. Robin set aside the last candle, then came to take Lenara into her arms once more. They kissed intermittently as they undressed each other, feasting on the visual as much as the tactile. Robin was stunned at the array of geometric shadings on Lenara’s body, at the intricacy of the patterns.

 

“Lenara, you’re beautiful,” she murmured, sounding surprised and awed at the same time.

 

They held each other, still standing, naked and aching for one another. Robin’s fingers traced the patterns across Lenara’s shoulders, and she saw the dark markings pale perceptibly. “Did I hurt you?” She pulled out of Lenara’s arms, searching her face for signs of disapproval or revulsion.

 

Lenara laughed melodically, kissing Robin’s cheek. “No, my love. Did my spots change colors?”

 

Robin nodded, biting her lip, fearful and retreating.

 

“That’s a sign of arousal in a Trill. When a Trill climaxes, the patterns fade to a very light shading. If the pleasure is particularly intense, they can disappear for a moment or two, though that’s never happened with me. I think mine are too dark to begin with for them to just vanish.”

 

Robin sighed with relief, hugging Lenara to her.

 

Lenara massaged her shoulders, working away the anxiety. “Relax, Robin,” she urged her. “You won’t hurt me. I trust you.” She took Robin’s hand, pressing it into her abdomen. “That is my Kahn symbiont. It’s pretty sturdy, as you can tell by the way it feels. But my physiological bond to it is more fragile than it, or I. You have to be careful how much pressure you put on me here, though you are so much smaller than Kieran, so I doubt your weight would hurt me a bit. We’ll have to experiment, and find out if you can lie on me fully, or if you have to balance your weight on your arms and legs. Will you trust me, and let me show you how to lie with me?”

 

Robin nodded, though she was beginning to think she would always be inept with this species. “Don’t let me hurt you, please,” she begged, her face distraught at the thought.

 

“I won’t,” Lenara assured her, touching the fullness of her cheeks with the barest of caresses, then kissing her tenderly.

 

Lenara eased them both down on the bed, stretching beside her, smoothing small hands over her shoulders, her chest, her breasts. Robin’s eyes closed as cool fingertips brushed over her nipples, and her back arched into the caress involuntarily. Lenara kissed her then, teasing away her fear and her misgivings with gentle thumbs over the distended flesh, and Robin was lost to the sensations in her breasts. Lenara loved her body with tenderness, with increasing certainty, with skill. When Robin felt lips close around her left nipple, she clutched Lenara to her unconsciously, eyes fixed on the vision of her breast in Lenara’s mouth, her breath quickening from the added stimulation of the sight coupled with the sensation. It had the intended effect in that Robin forgot her anxiety, conscious only of Lenara’s seduction.

 

It was entirely unconscious, but Robin’s fingertips traced the patterns around Lenara’s temples and down her face while she watched the Trill loving her breasts, the pale pink flesh glistening against Lenara’s tongue. Robin arched into Lenara’s lips, sighing, fingers brushing through her hair and unbinding it. “Come here.” She reached to bring the smaller woman to her face, kissing her deeply, gently unleashing her tresses completely, letting them spill around their kisses. She was stunned at the way that Lenara’s face softened, framed by the brown-gold cascade, delighted at the way Lenara’s hair felt in her hands and brushing over her chest. She raised her head to drop soft kisses along the slope of Lenara’s throat, down her shoulder, fleeting touches over the symmetrical shapes adorning the Trill’s incredible body. She watched the markings pale momentarily in response to her kisses, fascinated by the tendency, encouraged by it. Her confidence increased dramatically when she felt Lenara’s hands convulse, a reaction to her tongue flicking over the sinews of Lenara’s throat.

 

Robin slid her hands down the delicate planes of Lenara’s back, palms ghosting over the Trill markings leading from her shoulders to the small of her back. Lenara’s eyes closed and her markings faded from dark brown to a cream color. Robin smiled at her response, more aroused by it than by any touch. “I love to touch you,” she murmured, “even more than I love looking at you.”

 

Lenara kissed her insistently, body heated and needful now, searching her mouth more urgently, breathing labored by the anticipation and the faint caress between mottled shoulder blades. “Robin,” she sighed into their kiss, an invitation, a suggestion. She let herself be moved onto her side, but pulled the Counselor with her, never losing contact. Robin’s caress was more confident, now, easing down Lenara’s spine, tracing the patterns lightly. She experimented with different types of touches, firm and glancing, learning Lenara’s desires, letting her fingertips graze the dark patterns of the Trill’s low back and buttocks, incited by the gasp that escaped her lover’s throat.

 

“Is it too much?” she asked softly.

 

“It’s wonderful,” Lenara breathed, awash in the onslaught of emotion and arousal.

 

Robin moved away from her, easing her onto her stomach. She draped her larger frame carefully over Lenara’s back. “I want to kiss you here,” she brushed her lips over the patterns of Lenara’s neck, nuzzling between her shoulder blades.

 

Lenara whimpered faintly, her spots so pale now, Robin could barely visualize the outlines. Robin let her hands move warmly over Lenara’s buttocks, following with her lips, one cheek resting against those sensitive markings. Faint touches became gentle kisses, then delicate flicks of her tongue, then puckering and the lightest of nips. Lenara’s hands clutched at the sheet, body taut, breathing increasingly strained. Robin turned her over again, moving above her. “Don’t let me put too much weight on your body,” she said in Lenara’s ear, kissing it softly.

 

Lenara pulled her down, testing the limits of her own body. “You feel so incredible,” she sighed, kissing Robin passionately, all tentativeness gone. “It’s okay,” she tangled her fingers in Robin’s shoulder length brown hair, gazing into eyes so blue. “Let your full weight rest on me now,” she instructed, gauging the amount of strain on her Kahn symbiont. She smiled up at her lover. “That’s your full weight?”

 

“That’s it,” Robin assured her. “Am I too heavy?”

 

Lenara laughed happily. “You’re perfect,” she announced, relieved. “I’ve never been with anyone who wouldn’t have crushed me if they put their full weight on me.”

 

Robin smiled, equally relieved. She kissed Lenara’s forehead, thinking her chest would burst from all the emotion. “You were right,” she kissed her eyelids, her cheeks, her chin. “It can happen twice in a lifetime,”she decided.

 

They kissed fiercely, no longer patient. Robin’s mouth found the path of geometric shapes, lips urgent against them now, and Lenara thought her body would ignite, her temperature increased so dramatically. Robin’s hands were everywhere, insightful, knowing, insistent, followed and matched in intensity by her kisses, descending Lenara’s body gradually. Lenara moved beneath her, opening herself, crying out sharply as warm lips surrounded her sex, parting her lips, finding her center. Robin’s pursuit was delicate, at first, teasing, but not tentative. She settled into the warmth of Lenara’s folds, tasting her, memorizing the subtle and the not so subtle cues, learning how to pleasure her through experimentation. She found that if she cradled Lenara’s buttocks in her hands, she could caress the darker markings at her tailbone while she devoured her, and that combination had the Trill scientist shuddering and writhing beneath her tongue.

 

Lenara’s hips lifted off the mattress, pressing herself into Robin’s mouth more firmly, her breaths brittle and gasping. She stilled in silence as she came, her body going rigid for long moments, legs strained and buttocks clenched. “God, Robin,” she groaned, pressing the heel of her hand against her mouth, her body suddenly shaking as the sensation peaked, trembling in Robin’s hands. When Robin was certain Lenara could take no more, she moved to hold her, but Lenara was having none of that. She was on Robin in an instant, fingers sliding into the depths of her, eyes locked with hers, a gaze as penetrating as her touch. Robin knew in that moment, felt in the pit of her soul, that she had been, finally, conquered, as certainly as she had been the conquerer of so many.

 

Lenara kissed her deeply, parting her lips with an inquisitive, questing tongue, pulling at them with calculating teeth, while fingers eased from the wet warmth of her walls, then thrust back in. Robin moved with that penetration, then countered it, groaning into Lenara’s mouth, aching for release. Lenara withdrew her fingers completely, fondling Robin’s lips, massaging them, smoothing the fluid arousal over them. Robin was panting into their kisses, yearning toward her, yielding. Lenara teased her clitoris, listening to the changes in her breathing, knowing she was close. She removed her hand, replacing it with her thigh, pressing Robin down on the mattress, sliding her leg through the wetness, teasing still. Robin’s hands held Lenara’s hips, rocking their bodies together, creating a delicious friction that only served to entice but not relieve her urgent need. Lenara was merciless, moving only as far as her breasts, nipping and licking and driving Robin to the brink of despair. Lenara smiled around a full nipple, knowing Robin was close to begging for release. She gave her a brief respite, slipping her fingers inside the slick opening between her legs, still rolling her right nipple between her lips, taunting.

 

“God, Lenara, please, don’t tease me anymore,” she groaned, on the verge of tears.

 

Lenara smiled, kissing her belly, her abdomen, her inner thighs. “I was only waiting for permission,” she said softly, taking Robin’s labia into her mouth, fingers pressed to the hilt, tongue delicate against her clitoris.

 

Robin came to her gratefully, shuddering, gasping, biting her lip, hips bucking as there was an explosion of heat and piercing need where Lenara loved her, stunned at the strength and the duration of her orgasm, then drained by it, too spent to move. Lenara slithered up Robin’s body, kissing ticklishly as she ascended, drawing the Counselor into her arms, cradling her. “Oh, my love,” she whispered against Robin’s hair, fighting tears, “thank you for letting me make love to you,” she said hoarsely.

 

Robin kissed her, lingering over it, still trying to catch her breath, fingers tangled in Lenara’s hair. They rested together, drowsy and content, dozing intermittently in the aftermath. Robin realized as her eyes closed that they had taken hours to make love, that somehow, it was nearly midnight. She would have drifted into deeper sleep, if Lenara had not chosen that moment to coax her into making love again, as they did until well after the sun had come up. Robin was amazed and pleased at the fragile woman’s unexpected stamina, her insatiability. It had been nearly a year since Robin had taken a lover, and Lenara had far surpassed any lover in recent memory. As Robin relinquished consciousness, it occurred to her that no one, not even Kieran, had loved her so well. There was a sweetness about Lenara, a gentleness that disguised itself as innocence, when in fact, she was a masterful lover. Robin fell asleep, wrapped intimately around the smaller woman, smiling.

 

 

Dappled sunshine invaded the room at midday, warming the lovers to awareness. Robin stirred, felt Lenara in her arms, and gathered her in closer, kissing her shoulders as she lay contouring the Trill’s backside. Lenara sighed contentedly, hugging Robin’s arms around her waist, then lifting one of Robin’s hands to her lips to kiss the fingers, the knuckles, the palm. “Now aren’t you sorry you came home from Illinois early?” she said quietly, smiling. “You didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night,” she added.

 

Robin turned Lenara to face her, kissing her gently. “I’m sorry I went at all,” she admitted. “I should have listened to Kit.” 

 

“Well, if you’re going to rely on her advice in matters of the heart, I want to know what she’s telling you.” Lenara kissed her lover again, shivering as Robin’s hands cupped the small of her back.

 

Robin pulled Lenara closer, smoothing her hands over the angles of Lenara’s shoulders, feeling her body yielding beneath her caress. A faint tremble, and Robin broke their kiss, asking “are you cold, sweetie?”

 

Lenara bit her throat carefully, but reproachfully. “You know I’m not, Robin,” she said, her voice deepening. “You know exactly what I’m feeling,” she gasped as she felt fingers scratching faintly over her markings. “God, if you do that, you’ll be in serious trouble,” she warned.

 

Robin laughed. “That’s the kind of trouble I love to be in,” she teased, tracing the patterns with the barest of touches. “I love to watch you get excited,” she murmured, smiling into their kisses and pulling Lenara on top of her, hands wrapped solidly around the Trill’s tiny waist.

 

Lenara gasped softly as Robin raised her thigh between Lenara’s legs, pressing against dark geometric shapes, while her fingers stroked the small of Lenara’s back. The smaller woman rocked against a well-muscled leg, her body suddenly warm and ready. Lenara kissed her deeply, sharp sounds muffled in their kisses, swallowed up and obscured. She tore her mouth away, raised on outstretched arms, inflamed by the friction between her legs. She forced herself to slow down, moving off of Robin’s body and rolling them both on their sides.

They kissed endlessly, the urgency dissipating, the slow, deeper sense of arousal asserting itself as they touched. Lenara’s fingertips held Robin’s face, gently caressing the angles of her cheek bones, deepening their kiss intermittently, then retreating. Gentle kisses ghosted over Robin’s shoulders and throat, leaving her weak and covered with goose flesh. Lenara drew Robin’s leg over her own hip, insinuating her fingers into the dark and wet warmth, teasing. Robin groaned, clutching the Trill’s body as fingers penetrated her from behind, then from the front as well, easing in and out in slow counter rhythms until she was hanging on the edge of release. Lenara could feel the closing of her walls, could sense her readiness, and she moved further down Robin’s body, taking one nipple in her mouth, suckling softly at the tip. Robin shuddered once, struggled for control, breathed into the sensation. Lenara’s fingers slipped free to stroke her clitoris, still penetrating her from behind, tongue fluttering over her nipple. The combination of stimuli was too much for her, and she reached her peak suddenly and forcefully, arms tight around Lenara’s back as she came.

 

Lenara moved over her then, straddling her thigh again, kissing away the jagged breaths that jolted in her chest. “My love,” she whispered into their kisses, “I told you you’d be in trouble,” she teased, eyes twinkling. She studied Robin’s expression, felt her heart yielding, hid her vulnerability in a tender kiss.

 

Robin’s brain emerged from sleepy satisfaction to the awareness of the perfection lying in her arms, and the sudden realization that despite all of her intentions, she had fallen hard, and fast. The force of it welled in her chest, stung her eyes, made her tremble at the acknowledgement that for once in her life, she was at someone else’s mercy, in too deep to throw up walls and run, exposed and apt to be on her knees.

 

As if she could read the Counselor’s mind, Lenara touched her face, peered into her piercing blue eyes, and said calmly “It’s okay. Let go of your fears, and I’ll let go of mine.”

 

Robin closed her eyes, centering herself, consciously subduing the urge to shield herself from what she was feeling. Lenara soothed her with gentle hands, thinking of all the ways this woman had, in her past, tried to master the art of self-preservation.

 

“You are so brave,” Robin said with genuine admiration, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “How can you trust me, knowing my history, knowing what I did to Kieran, especially?”

 

“What choice do I have?” Lenara smiled warmly. “Nothing worth having in this life comes without risk. My heart is telling me you are worth having. I accept the risk.” She kissed her softly. “You’ve had over a decade to agonize over your mistakes with Kieran, and your regret is no less now than it was then. You’re an intelligent woman. I have to believe you’ve learned something valuable from that experience, and won’t give in to the temptation to make a similar mistake now.”

 

Robin tangled her fingers in Lenara’s hair, kissing her deeply, solemnly, resigned to whatever would come.

____________________

 

Robin Lefler checked herself in the mirror, feeling more nervous than she could remember feeling in a very long time. She had spent all of Sunday in bed with Lenara, and all of Sunday night. This was Memorial Day, and the lovers were supposed to spend the day at Kieran and Naomi’s. Seven and Kathryn were back in San Francisco after an overnight stay on Mars, and the Wildmans were having a small barbecue for just the four couples, including Kit and Emily. Lenara had gone home that morning to attend to a few things before the gathering, and Robin was waiting for her to come back.

 

She knew they would spend the better part of the day in the pool, but she wanted to look her best for Lenara. It was so peculiar, in new relationships, how you made the initial connection sexually, then were forced to be apart. That first time seeing each other again after becoming sexually involved could be so awkward. All the insecurity and worry cropped up as Robin fixed her hair, brushing it back and clipping it out of her face. The effect was charming, but she had never worn it this way in front of Lenara. What if she didn’t like it?

 

She opted for casual cut off blue jean shorts and a purple silk tank top, stuffed her swimsuit in her gymbag with a towel, and decided against jewelry, save for her diamond earrings. She went downstairs, curling onto the couch, hoping Lenara would hurry back. She knew it was natural to have doubts, but it didn’t help her feel any better as the bothersome thoughts paraded through her head. What if she doesn’t come back? Maybe she was just dying for an excuse to leave, so she could get away from me and break this off. What if she decides it’s not what she wants?

 

Robin surveyed the couch upon which she sat, thinking of how they had lain there together, a perfect dance of seduction, with only a few missteps. But that was to be expected with an alien species, wasn’t it? She remembered the sounds of Lenara’s pleasure, the sound of her desire as they made love repeatedly all weekend, and the impact of the memory left her weak and aching all over again.  Is this how my lovers felt about me? Desperate and insecure and frightened? I’ve banked so much bad karma in relationships, I might not ever have one truly work again. But I want this one to work. She is rivetting. God, she’s so brilliant and funny and passionate.

 

Lenara Kahn rang the doorbell at Robin’s front porch, fidgeting until she saw the Counselor standing in the doorway. Robin swept her into a fierce hug, holding tightly to her, not caring if half the neighborhood saw.

 

“Honey.” Lenara peered into her eyes. “What is it?”

 

Robin felt embarrased by her weakness, and now she was ashamed to admit it to Lenara. “It’s nothing.”

 

Lenara shook her head. “You thought I might not come back?”

 

Robin nodded contritely, still holding Lenara in the threshhold of the doorway.

 

“I’ll always come back, as long as you want me to,” Lenara promised her. “I told you last week, I’m sure about you. You’re the one who wasn’t sure about me, so why would you suddenly be worried?”

 

Robin shrugged, leading Lenara inside, seating them both on the couch. “I think I’m finally figuring out some things about myself,” she realized. “I’ve told you my history with Kieran, and you’ve heard it from her perspective, so you know where I’ve been and what I’ve done, right?”

 

“I think so. I know about how you and Kieran broke up, and I guess there were other people besides her you were engaged to. And you told me about your husband. Is that what you mean?”

 

“That, yes, but there was this pattern I had. I would have a torrid affair with someone, but as soon as I started to feel anything, I would run like hell. All that time, I thought I couldn’t commit because I was too shallow, too selfish. But now I realize I was running scared. I jumped from lover to lover to protect myself from my own vulnerability, and to make sure no one ever left me.”

 

Lenara took her hand, squeezing it. “And you figured this out just now, because the instinct is still there?”

 

Robin nodded fearfully. “I’m not letting it rule me, I swear, but it just struck me, how I spent all those years subconsciously wrecking my relationships so I couldn’t get hurt. I’d forgotten how frightening it feels to love someone, to want them so much that you think if they left you, you’d shrivel up and die,” she murmured. “It’s so much power to give to someone. I think I fell so hard for Kieran because she was totally disarming, the way she just walked into my life, stripped herself of her defenses, stripped me of mine, and claimed my heart. But eventually, I listened to my fears, and not to the things she was telling me, and instead of hearing how much she loved me, how much she wanted me, I heard the sound of my feet, running as fast as they would carry me. Now, here you are—perfect, and all I could ever ask for, much more than I’d ever hoped for, and I’m terrified. That’s why I told you you scare me. That’s what I meant by being afraid of losing myself.”

 

Lenara regarded her with kind eyes, eyes the color of the stormy sea, blue, gray, green, so full of compassion. And more than that. So full of approval, and love. “Listen to the things I’m telling you, then, Robin, and not your fears. I want to be with you. You’re bright and funny and warm and clever. You take my breath away with your beauty, and you are an amazing lover. I want you in my life. I want you in my bed. You are in my heart. I love you,” she assured her, touching her face tenderly. “I’m in love with you. That’s why I believe it can happen twice in a lifetime. Because for me, finally, it has. Just as surely and as forcefully as it did with Kieran. And it’s ironic. If I hadn’t fallen in love with her the way I did, so immediately and so completely, I would have never believed it was possible for it to happen that way. She taught me to trust myself to know when something is right, and to go with that. And that made me able to recognize what I feel for you. And I learned from losing her repeatedly never to refuse to admit my feelings, and to never miss an opportunity to express them. And that is why I’m telling you that I love you. I know we’re supposed to play games and take things in quantifiable steps so that it doesn’t look as if we’re doing anything impulsive. But I don’t give a damn about rules or other people’s expectations. I just know that I feel these things, and that’s all that matters.”

 

Robin took her lover’s face in her hands, searching the depths of her soul for any sign of doubt, of deceit, chest swelling with the intensity of the emotion reflected there. “Lenara,” she whispered her name like a prayer, “my beautiful, passionate Lenara.” She felt tears stinging her eyes, a tightness in her vocal chords. “I love you so,” she replied. She leaned her forehead against the smaller woman’s, blue eyes closing with the strength of her feelings. “I figured out in Illinois that the trip there was just part and parcel of my old pattern. I was falling in love with you, and I did the first thing I could to hold you at arm’s length. I half expected you to stop seeing me because I was going to see another woman. It’s such an insidious habit, so much the path of least resistance,” she explained, wiping at her eyes impatiently. “And the pattern is so familiar, even after all these years of trying to change, so comfortable. I was at Rachel’s cabin, and things were going fine, a nice dinner, a fire in the fireplace, and she started to come on to me. And I had two thoughts go through my head immediately. First, I thought ‘Do it, Robbie. You don’t love Rachel, and you never will. She’ll never have the power to hurt you, and you’ll always have the upper hand.’ And then I thought ‘but Lenara will haunt you all of your days, just like Kieran has.’ And I knew I couldn’t keep doing the pattern. It’s so self-destructive. And it’s so dishonest. So I made myself come back to confront my fears. And I made myself admit that I am in love with you, and for once, I am not going to hide or run or do anything but risk it all.”

 

They kissed sweetly for long moments, the heat rising immediately between them, overtaking them in its powerful grip. They made love on the couch, mussing their hair and their clothes, no longer caring that they would be late to their invitation, or that their clothes would be ruined, or that everyone would know why they were late. Everytime they had made love, it had been deeper, more intense, more overwhelming. They lay together, fondling one another, gasping and groaning into each other’s kiss, all the important words on the table now. Lenara moved against Robin, and as they came almost simultaneously, Robin realized that Lenara’s markings had disappeared completely. They were just recovering, when suddenly, Lenara’s markings reappeared. Robin kissed her deeply, laughing into their kiss.

 

“You lost your spots.” She buried her face in Lenara’s neck, kissing her throat tenderly, chuckling.

 

Lenara nodded. “I know. I felt it. It was—” she shuddered. “God, Robin,” she breathed.

 

Robin fixed her with a mischeivous gaze, grinning. “You somehow really get excited on the couch?”

 

“No,” Lenara replied seriously. “You told me you love me. And so I gave myself completely to you, not a single defense in place.”

 

“Is that why it never happened to you before? Because you had defenses with everyone?” Robin was startled at the admission.

 

She nodded slowly in response, overcome by the implications and by the powerful physical release. She started to cry, tears puddling at the corners of her lovely eyes, moved by her own vulnerability. Robin held her tenderly, cradling her. “Honey,” she whispered, “it’s okay. I’m right here. I promise, it’s safe to be defenseless with me. I’ll protect you, and I’ll surround you with my love, and you won’t need any defenses,” she vowed.

 

____________________

 

Kit Wildman answered the door, grinning ear to ear at the Counselor and the Trill scientist. They were more than fashionably late in arriving, and Kit waggled her eyebrows at them.

 

“Good morning, ladies,” she smarted, though it was after twelve noon. “So good of you to join us.”

 

Robin scowled at her. “Keep the wisecracks to a minimum, Kit.” She ruffled Kit’s spiked hair. “We didn’t rip into you over Emily,” she reminded her.

 

Kit hugged them each in turn. “Yeah, you were pretty decent. I’ll behave. But I can’t vouch for Kieran. She’s incorrigible, so be prepared.”

 

“Are you all ready for finals tomorrow?” Lenara asked as she hugged her research assistant.

 

“Ready,” Kit agreed. “If I review the material again, my head will explode.” She led them through the house and to the back door, sporting a navy blue tank suit and looking buff. She already had a tan, and her hair was bleaching from being in the sun.

 

Lenara excused herself to the ensuite to change into her swim suit, leaving the Counselor and her patient to talk.

 

Robin regarded her fondly, smiling. “You look so great, Kit.” She hugged her again. “You’re like a completely different person, since you moved here last December.” She squeezed the younger woman’s shoulders.

 

Kit smiled. “I am a completely different person. I’m a Wildman, now. The standards got a lot tougher, taking on that name,” she said honestly. “But you know what? You’re a completely different person, too, Robin. Just since last week,” she said against her Counselor’s cheek, smiling warmly.

 

“This is who I need to be. She’s given me a lot to consider, you know? And it’s given me a renewed appreciation of you, and all the hard work you’ve done to break old patterns. I’m starting to see my own patterns with more clarity, and I’m finding a lot of room for improvement in myself.”

 

Kit kissed her cheek. “Love does that to a person, doesn’t it? Makes you take inventory, makes you own up to your crap,” she understood completely.

 

Lenara emeged from the guest ensuite, joining the two women at the back door. She narrowed her eyebrows playfully, seeing her lover in Kit’s arms. “Are you flirting with my sweetie?” she demanded of Kit.

 

Kit winked at Robin. “Oh, definitely.” She gave Lenara a pointed stare. “I’m supposed to fall in love with my therapist though. Mom said so.” She chuckled wickedly. “But you’re my mentor, Doctor, so you’re next. Be forewarned.”

 

“Hey,” Robin protested, blue eyes twinkling. “One, she’s taken, and two, I’m not ready for you to be over me,” she laughed, hugging Kit and leaving for the ensuite.

 

Lenara watched her walking away, mesmerized by the way she moved.

 

“Oh, lordy.” Kit slipped her arm through Lenara’s. “Somebody has moon eyes.”

 

Lenara cocked her head to one side. “Beg pardon?”

 

“Moon eyes. It’s Naomi’s term for being totally blown away by someone, so much that your eyes get as big as the moon everytime the person’s around,” Kit explained. “You just gave Robin that look,” she teased. “But it’s great to see you so happy, for a change. You’re so pretty when you smile, Dr. K. Is it weird, being here, sort of under the microscope?”

 

Lenara nodded. “I’m pretty nervous. Kieran can be ruthless, and I just feel so protective of what we’re feeling, right now, I don’t want her to be too harsh.”

 

“I’ll talk to her. She’d do anything I asked her to do, including being a little less of a wise-ass,” Kit promised her. “Let me go mention it discreetly. You guys come out when Robin’s ready.” She kissed Lenara’s cheek. “I’m glad you came, Doctor.” Kit slipped out the back door, making her way over to Kieran, who was floating in the pool in a lounge chair, drinking a beer and sunning herself.  “Mom? Can I talk to you a second?” she said quietly.

 

Kieran raised her head, which had fallen back against her own shoulder blades in worship of the sun. “Sure. What’s up?” She paddled to the side of the pool in her chair, looking expectantly at her daughter.

 

“Robin and Dr. Kahn just got here. I think they’re a little—tentative about being in public so soon. Could you go easy on them, Mom? You know how you tease,” she added, leaning over to kiss her mother’s cheek.

 

“You want to spoil my fun?” Kieran needled her.

 

“Only a little, Mom. Please?” She smiled persuasively. “You know how you’re so protective of Naomi, and Lenara is feeling that way about Robin. I think this has been really hard for them, and they’re a little overwhelmed.”

 

Kieran nodded. “Okay, honey. I’ll be the perfect hostess. I won’t even razz them about being late. How’s that?”

 

Kit smiled warmly. “I love you, Mom. You’re just the best,” she assured her.

 

Kieran gave her a wicked grin. “I need a hug.” She grabbed her daughter and pulled her into the pool, drenching them both, but stealing her hug.

 

Kit came up sputtering, outraged. “That was low.” She dove under Kieran’s chair and dumped her out of it. They wrestled in the pool, dunking each other and struggling for air. “Brat,” she accused the taller woman.

 

Kieran laughed at her. “Weakling,” she shot back, holding Kit under the water for several seconds.

 

“I’m no weakling.” Kit pulled a judo move on her mother. “I was letting you win,” she hissed playfully, giggling into Kieran’s ear as she got her in a head lock. “Now act like you’re the mother in this relationship, you nimrod,” she scolded.

 

Robin and Lenara had slipped out the back door unnoticed, until Naomi looked up from her studies. “Hi you two.” She came over and hugged them each in turn, a sure sign she was feeling better about having Kieran’s ex-lovers hanging around. Naomi had never been particularly demonstrative with either of them. “Can I get you something to drink? I was thinking about mixing some piña coladas, or maybe margaritas. Interested?”

 

“I can help,” Robin offered, dropping Lenara’s hand.

 

“That’s okay. Seven and Kathryn are out in the kitchen, they can help me.”

 

“Where’s Emily?” Lenara looked around, spotting the dog but not Kit’s girlfriend.

 

“She’s upstairs studying—last minute cramming. She’ll probably come down in a few. She’s worried about her final in Astrometrics. Seven’s been working with her on it, but she’s still nervous about it.”

 

“How about you? How are your classes going?” Robin slid her arms around Lenara from behind, resting her chin on the smaller woman’s shoulder.

 

“I think I’m good,” Naomi assessed herself. “My Cultural Anthro final is going to be the worst for me, but I’ve got a handle on it now. Kieran’s really strong in that subject area, so she’s helped me a lot. She’s been a wreck, studying for your final,” she advised the Counselor. “It’s been awhile since she took anything but command track classes.”

 

“She’ll ace it.” Robin rolled her eyes. “KT always frets over that sort of thing, and she’ll come home and tell you how she thinks she didn’t do very well, and then she’ll get a perfect score.”

 

Naomi laughed. “That sounds like her. Has she always lacked self-confidence?”

 

“Always,” Lenara and Robin said together, then laughed. Lenara smiled warmly, remembering. “Kieran told me once that Cassidy was the brilliant one, and that she only made Valedictorian because she had worked so hard.” She hugged Robin’s arms around herself unconsciously, drawing her closer.

 

“Well if hard work was all it took, I’d be top of my class. But it takes a whole lot more than that,” Naomi noted. “I’ve fallen to fifth, just since I moved home,” she added. “I think about Kieran, and how bright she really must be to have performed at that level. But she’s so self-effacing about her own aptitudes, it’s hard to think of her as being above average, intellectually. She’s the first to say that’s all she is—average.”

 

Lenara nodded. “Get to know her mother, and you’ll understand why Kieran is so hard on herself. The woman is a dragonlady.” Her face darkened.

 

“Violet? She’s pretty demanding, but she’s softening, I think. She and Kieran are a lot closer, especially since we adopted Kit. Kit reminds them all of Cassidy, and it’s been really good for Vi and Gerry to let themselves love someone besides Kieran, again,” she added.

 

Just then an incoming message sounded at the living room workstation. Seven took the hail and dashed to the backyard.

 

“Kieran!” she hollered, interrupting the wrestling match in the pool.

 

“What’s wrong, Seven?” Kieran stopped immediately and swam for the side of the pool, hauling herself out.

 

“B'Elanna’s gone into labor. Noah’s bringing Katie and Geejay by on the way to the hospital.”

 

Kieran snagged a towel. “Do they want me to go with them?”

 

“No, me,” Seven supplied. “But don’t worry, it will be fine,” she assured her roommate.

 

“Seven,” Kieran grabbed her shoulders. “B'Elanna is just awful, in labor,” she remembered. “She will hurt you, if you’re not careful. Whatever you do, agree with everything she says, and keep telling her it’s almost over. And don’t let her grab your shirtfront, or she’ll head butt you,” Kieran counseled.

 

Everyone listening burst out laughing.

 

“Hey, I’m not fooling. By the time Katie came, I had a concussion.” She rubbed her forehead as if it still smarted. “Oh, I bet Noah is a wreck,” she worried, thinking of her friend and how earnest he was about this pregnancy.

 

“He seemed relatively calm, though his eyes were buggy,” Seven laughed. “Bless his heart. He’s going to be a great dad,” she said softly.

 

“He already is,” Kieran agreed. “Katie calls him Daddy, now.” She smiled. “Lanna says she just started doing it on her own. Noah was about to bust his buttons, he was so pleased.”

 

Seven hugged Kieran lightly. “I’m going back inside to wait. Keep Kathryn out of trouble. I’ll hail you when the baby arrives, and everyone can come say hello to the new addition.”

 

Kieran nodded, fighting a catch in her throat.  “I’ll come wait with you. I want to see B'Elanna when the transport arrives.”

 

Naomi excused herself. “I’ll get K-Mom to make drinks. I want to wish B'Elanna luck. You two enjoy yourselves. The food is in the kitchen, if you’re hungry. Seven made fish tacos, and there’s garden salad. Kieran made potato salad,” she said as incentive, remembering that Robin especially liked Kieran’s recipe.

 

“Thanks.” Robin smiled. “Go on, don’t miss your chance to see B'Elanna and Noah,” she encouraged her.

 

Emily had heard all the commotion and came downstairs, joining the Trill and the Counselor. “Kit, did you hear?” she called to her lover, who was still in the pool.

 

“Yeah,” Kit called back, climbing the concrete steps. “It’s about time, too. Lanna is so late,” she noted, scrubbing a towel over her hair. “Almost a whole month. They were going to induce her at the end of the week, if she didn’t pop,” she reported. “She’s been in agony, she’s just so huge. This little boy is going to be a monster,” she grinned, coming up to kiss her lover. “Kicks like the devil, and is active all the time. I don’t think B'Elanna has slept in two months. She looks like hell.”

 

Emily took Kit’s hand. “You’re next, honey,” she teased.

 

“Not likely, Ems,” Kit shot back. “If you want them that bad, you get to carry them. Still want five or six?” she smarted. “Besides, I’m betting Kieran is next. She and Naomi have that whole nesting thing going. I don’t think they’ll really wait until Mom’s a captain. I think after Katie leaves on the Sato, Kieran will want a child again.”

 

“Sweetheart, she has you, and you’re enough of a baby for one family.” Emily tickled her ribs. “I think your Moms have enough of a balancing act just keeping themselves grounded, between all the things they have to juggle.”

 

“Yeah, but a lot of that juggling involves Katie and Geejay. I think once we’re all settled into school, and you and I are gone all the time, and Seven’s gone, and the girls, Kieran’s going to be really lonely. Naomi is so absorbed in school all the time, Mom’s going to be at loose ends. I’m worried about her. She’s losing just about everything—her four closest friends, her daughter, her chance to be a first officer. You guys are going to have to help me keep an eye on her,” she advised the assembled women. “I mean it. She’s so attached to them all, I can’t imagine her not getting depressed.”

 

Robin’s stomach knotted involuntarily. She had been thinking she would also be leaving on the Sato. And now she didn’t know what to do. There was Kit, and Emily, and that had always been a hard obstacle to get past in her heart. Now there was Lenara. Would she be willing to go with Robin? Robin felt Lenara’s hands tighten around her arms, as if to hold her in place awhile longer. Clearly, the Trill was thinking the same thing.

 

Emily smiled assurance at her lover. “Of course we’ll all keep an eye on her. But Samurai, you’re going to be really busy too.”

 

“I’ll never be too busy for my mom,” she asserted with feeling. “She’s never been too busy for me, and I take up a lot of her time and attention, a lot more than a kid my age should. But she always has more to give, and I just keep taking from her, because she lets me,” she realized, golden eyes softening with love for her adoptive parent.

 

“I know she doesn’t mind,” Lenara promised the younger Wildman. “Long before you came to live with her, she told me how much you touch her heart, how much she loves you,” she confided. “She knew even then she wanted you permanently in her life. It was like she just—chose you,” she explained, slipping out of Robin’s arms. “She’ll be fine, Kit, I know she will. I’m sure there are going to be even more changes in the next few months, but that’s part of Starfleet. It can be hard on relationships,” she noted wisely, speaking from experience.

 

Kathryn Janeway sailed out the sliding glass door, margarita pitcher at the ready, a handful of glasses clutched in the other hand. “Doctor Kahn,” she held out a glass to her, “can I interest you in one of these? I make them a lot stronger than Naomi,” she warned.

 

Lenara smiled. “It’s just Lenara. You too, Kit, Emily. Stop calling me Doctor. You’re like part of my family, not my students, and it feels too formal. I’d love to try one.” She held out her glass, letting Kathryn pour the frothy green mixture into it.

 

“Counselor.” She poured one for Robin, too. “I’d like a word with you when you have a moment, if you don’t mind. In private.”

 

“Let’s go inside, then, Captain.” Robin was instantly Starfleet protocol conscious. “Excuse us, ladies.” She followed Janeway back inside.

 

Kit smiled at her mentor and her lover. “I have to get something to eat. I’ll catch up with you both later,” she excused herself.

 

The transport carrying B'Elanna, Noah, Katie and Geejay hovered out front, and Seven, Naomi and Kieran were climbing in to lend support to the laboring Klingon.

 

Kieran knelt in the floor, hands on B'Elanna’s thighs. “They say the second child is easier, BangwIj. You’ll do great, Lanna.” She kissed her cheek, letting the dark skinned woman hug her.

 

“I’m scared, Benal,” she whispered. “This baby is so huge.”

 

Kieran moved beside her, holding her. “Do you want me to come, honey?”

 

B'Elanna bit her lip, grimacing with a contraction. “I don’t think you’d better. Noah needs to be there for me. This is so important to him,” she noted. “But you’ll come see me tonight, once the baby is born?”

 

“You know I will.” Kieran kissed her forehead. “I love you, B'Elanna. Now, and always. You have the heart of a warrior. You’ll do fine,” she assured her. “I’m going to take the kids, now, sweetie. Don’t worry about Katie for a second. I can’t wait to meet your son.” She hugged her once more, eyes misting over.

 

Naomi slid in beside B'Elanna as soon as Kieran had shouldered the two toddlers and carried them away. “Lanna, we’re all so excited for you. Noah is going to be perfect, I just know it.” She smiled warmly at her former mentor.

 

“Have you told her?” B'Elanna asked pointedly.

 

Naomi shook her head. “I wanted it to be a surprise as much as you did. My lips are sealed. Good luck, sweetie.” She kissed B'Elanna’s cheek, cupping her face in one hand. “I can’t wait until it’s my turn,” she murmured enviously.

 

“I’ll remind you you said that, when you’re waddling around and everything aches, and the kid is doing jumping jacks on your kidneys,” she grinned, then doubled over. “Damn it,” she shouted. “We have to go right now, I’m like every two minutes,” she urged Seven. “Na, I’ll see you tonight. Get this kid’s Daddy’s ass in here.”

 

Noah had been standing by, listening to the hen party, waiting as patiently as he could. “Pilot? Get us to Starfleet Medical pronto. My son’s an impatient little man,” he said. “Bye, Wildwoman.”

 

Naomi stepped back, letting the doors seal, waving as they pulled away. Kieran stood on the sidewalk, holding the two girls, bottom lip trembling. Naomi took Geejay, noting the emotion in her wife’s face.

 

“She’ll be fine, KT,” Naomi reassured her. “Don’t fret.”

 

“I wasn’t. I was thinking how much I’m going to miss them all,” she admitted. “And you know what’s going to happen now. Robin is going to go too, and Lenara will go with her. Kit and Ems will be off to school, and it’s just going to be you and me.”

 

Naomi smiled winningly. “I’ll welcome having you all to myself, again. I’m sorry, I know that’s selfish.” She watched as the transport winked out of sight. “Is it so bad, being planetside alone with me?”

 

Kieran set Katie down, letting her run for the house, and took Geejay to set her down too. “You know what I meant, honey.” She kissed her gently. “This was my choice. I’m not sorry I made it. I love you.”

 

Naomi took her hand, leading her back into the house. “Good. Because you’re stuck with me.”

 

___________________

 

Kathryn Janeway took Robin Lefler up to the room she mostly shared with Seven, seating them both on the bed. “Commander, I need to know what you’re planning to do. Your two weeks are up. ”

 

“No—that’s not until next week,” Robin protested.

 

“Robin.” Kathryn lay a consoling hand on her thigh. “I offered you the job three weeks ago. You’re actually late. Now what’s the problem?”

 

Robin sighed. “Kit, for starters. She’s pretty vulnerable right now, and it’s early in her process. I don’t want to hurt her, or abandon her. And now there’s a woman,” she admitted.

 

“Isn’t there always?” Kathryn laughed deep in her chest. “Can I help you with the decision? Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?”

 

Robin considered. “Give me more time? I have to talk to Lenara about this,” she said thoughtfully.

 

“Well, there’s only so much I can do, on her account. You know the rules—she can’t come with you unless you’re married. I’d gladly do an aboard ship ceremony, right up to the day we warp away, if you need to take more time for that aspect of things.”

 

“I just barely figured out I’m in love with her. God, I can’t even think about marriage, not now. There’s no way around that? Couldn’t she be a civilian scientist or something?”

 

“Starfleet has locked in all those positions. In fact, you’re my last holdout for the key positions. If you take much longer, I’ll be hardpressed to find a Ship’s Counselor, if you decide not to go, even now.”

 

“I didn’t mean to put you in a jam, Kathryn. I’m sorry.” She unconsciously slipped into the familiar. “I’ll talk to Lenara, and I’ll let you know by Wednesday. Is that acceptable?”

 

Kathryn frowned. “All right. But no excuses after that. If you can’t commit by then, I have to find someone else.”

 

“Permission to speak freely, Captain?” Robin asked demurely.

 

“Of course.” Kathryn smoothed her hand over Seven’s bedspread, wishing she could pin this woman down for her ship’s sake.

 

“Why is there such a rush? You’re not shipping out until August,” she asked, slightly annoyed.

 

“Because my Ship’s Counselor has to pick a staff, Commander. Have you even looked at the specs for the ship? At the crew complement?” Janeway knew she hadn’t bothered.

 

“No, Ma’am,” she admitted.

 

“Counselor, there are 1800 crew aboard a Supremacy class vessel, if you count the families and the civilians. You’ll have to have three associate counselors and two assistants working under you to meet the needs of my crew. That’s why there’s such a hurry—you have to hire your staff.”

 

Robin was stunned. “I had no idea the ship was so large.”

 

Janeway was getting irked. “Look, Robin, if you care so little about the prospect of serving on my ship that you haven’t done any homework, perhaps this posting isn’t for you,” she criticized.

 

“Exactly why do you want me so badly, Captain?” She ignored the dig, her deep blue eyes paling to ice.

 

“Honestly? Because you were my therapist when Starfleet sent me to mandatory counseling, and you were good. I didn’t feel like I was wasting my time in sessions with you. Why do you think I extended my treatment far past the mandatory rehab period Starfleet gave me?” she implored, sincere in her admiration for the younger woman. “And I’ve watched you with Kit, and that carries a lot of weight. Plus, Kieran would put her life in your hands without hesitation, and her endorsement is golden with me. She is kind to everyone, but when it comes to the good of the crew, she can be just as exacting as I am. She would never have recommended you for the job if she didn’t wholeheartedly believe you will do it better than anyone else could.” Kathryn sighed. “Put your personal life in order, and contact me first thing Wednesday. That’s an order,” she added, smiling.

 

“Aye, Captain. Thank you for your patience, Ma’am.” Robin stood to go. “Am I dismissed?”

 

“You are. I’ll be down shortly.” Kathryn collapsed on the bed, groaning. “God, what is wrong with this woman? Can’t she see the magnitude of the opportunity I’m giving her?” She chuckled to herself, because there was a long list of twenty breathless applicants waiting to hear if the post was theirs, and she had held it out for Robin, solely on Kieran’s recommendation and on her own impressions of the Counselor. It made her heart race to think that if Robin came aboard, Lenara Kahn might come in the bargain, too. You couldn’t find a more prestigous scientist anywhere, and to have her aboard the Sato would be the ultimate coup. I’d love to thumb my nose at Picard, with Lenara Kahn. Try and take my first officer? My daughter? Revenge is sweet, Jean-Luc.

 

 

As soon as Robin left with the Captain, Emily pounced on Lenara. She grabbed her hand and dragged her to the far end of the pool, settling them on a chaise lounge together. “Tell me everything,” she whispered conspiratorially.

 

Lenara threw back her head and laughed. “Everything about what?” she asked playfully.

 

“Don’t be contrary, Lenara,” Emily scolded, hugging her. “Everything about you and Robin,” she enthused, making the Trill blush. “Oh, look at that shit-eating grin,” she laughed. “You’ve got it ultra-bad for her, I can see it all over your face,” she giggled.

 

“It shows that much?” Lenara held her hands to her face, covering her cheeks.

 

Emily hugged her again. “Good for you,” she said warmly. “I told you Rachel was doomed,” she crowed triumphantly. “So?”

 

Lenara leaned her forehead against Emily’s, smiling so broadly her face ached. “I wouldn’t know where to start, Ems,” she breathed happily. “I don’t think I have words that would express how happy I am, or how much I love her,” she admitted.

 

Emily laughed, taking Lenara’s hands. “The great orator, speechless?” she teased. “Not possible,” she pronounced. “You even look totally transformed.” She was awed by it.

 

“I do?” Lenara narrowed her eyebrows. “How?”

 

“Everything about you—your body language, your facial expression, even your eyes have changed color—they’re more blue now. And unless it’s the direct sunlight, I’d swear your Trill patterns are two shades lighter than the last time I saw you.” She touched one of the geometric shapes on Lenara’s face. “Is that even possible?” she wondered.

 

Lenara nodded. “It is. They actually disappeared earlier today, completely,” she whispered.

 

Emily waggled her eyebrows. “I took interspecies sexuality, you know,” she advised her. “I can only presume what you were doing to each other when that happened,” she joked.

 

Lenara blushed furiously, but smiled. “Guilty,” she confessed.

 

“That good, huh?” Emily said seriously.

 

“That good,” Lenara confirmed, quirking an eyebrow suggestively.

 

“I knew she’d fall for you,” Emily bragged.

 

“I didn’t know—how could you?” Lenara demanded. “And why didn’t you tell me? You knew I was upset about it at the tournament,” she reprimanded her friend.

 

“I knew, but I wasn’t sure she’d actually let herself admit it. Especially since she went to see Rachel. That meant she was fighting herself over it, for some stupid reason. Looks like love won over whatever it was that made her go.”

 

“Lucky for me,” Lenara sighed with relief. “If she hadn’t come back when she did, I’d have been a complete wreck by now.”

 

Emily grinned. “You were pretty close to that on Saturday. I’m sorry, I just didn’t even know how to console you, what to say or do. I felt really bad about that.”

 

Lenara kissed her cheek. “Sweetie, I didn’t expect you to put bandages on my wounds. You kept me talking all morning, and that was a huge help. You’ve been such a good friend to me,” she realized.

 

“Then it’s mutual.” Emily smiled in return. “It’s so great when people you love learn to love each other,” she marveled at it. “It’s funny, too, because Kit has been saying all along that Rachel isn’t good enough for Robin, but you are, and why couldn’t Robin realize what was so obvious?”

 

“I guess Kit told Robin the same thing,” Lenara chuckled. “It’s great to have a cheering section.”

 

 

 

Robin found Lenara in the pool, playing with Kieran and Naomi and the toddlers, who were swimming now, though only short distances between the adults. Lenara looked so at ease, Robin realized, so captivated by the children, not caring a bit that her hair was falling out of the clip that held it, her head thrown back laughing at something Geejay had said.

 

“You have freckles.” Geejay touched Lenara’s Trill markings on her chest. “Big ones. I didn’t get any. Na?” She turned in Lenara’s arms to her sister. “Can I have freckles like hers?”

 

Naomi grinned. “I don’t think so, sweetheart. You’re either born with them or you’re not. You got Seven’s complexion, not K-Mom’s.”

 

“Seven is pretty,” Geejay announced. “I like looking like her. But I want silver in my face, too.”

 

Kathryn had joined them, and overheard her daughter. She smiled, went back into the kitchen, and made a Borg implant out of aluminum foil, returning to the back yard. “Geejay, come here. Swim to mommy,” she encouraged the little blonde, who obediently dove from Lenara’s arms and drifted to her mother, kicking lightly. Kathryn sat the girl in her lap, and put the aluminum foil over Geejay’s ear. “Now you have silver,” she advised the girl. “And you’re every bit as perfect as Borg-Mom.”

 

“Mommy, where’d Borg-Mom go?” she draped her arms around Kathryn’s neck, bouncing in her arms.

 

“She went to help B'Elanna and Noah find their new baby boy.”

 

“I know where it is,” Katie piped up. “It’s in Mommy’s tummy. That’s why she got so fat.”

 

The adults laughed at her perspective.

 

Robin sat down on the edge of the decking, dangling her legs in the pool, watching her lover. Kieran recommended me for this, knowing it would take me away from Kit, from her, and knowing it might take Lenara away, too. Naomi was right when she told Lenara true love is the surrender of control. Look at them all, she studied Kit and Emily, who were sitting on the aerated massage bench in the deep end, kissing and talking and generally ignoring everyone else around them. Her gaze fell on Kieran, who was laughing at Katie’s description of breast feeding.

 

“The milk will come from Mommy’s breast-es,” she was saying, “and the baby will drink it.”

 

Kieran roared with laughter, her hair lying in shining blond waves where the water had unspiked it, teeth flashing in the midday sun. “Breasts, honey, not breast-es.”

 

“That’s what I said.” Katie looked at her with soft brown eyes exactly like her own. “Breast-es-es.”

 

Her vision came to rest on Lenara, who was staring at her intently. Lenara waded through the chest deep water, approaching her lover, smiling. “What has you so pensive?” she asked softly, so no one else could hear.

 

“My decisions. I have to tell Captain Janeway by Wednesday if I’m going on the ship. Can we talk about it, sweetie?” she asked quietly.

 

Lenara nodded. “Let me dry off, and we’ll go in the house. I don’t want Kit and Emily to figure out what we’re discussing.”

 

“Good idea,” Robin agreed, withdrawing her legs from the water. “Let’s go eat something. You’ve got me in a major energy deficit,” she complained, slipping her fingers into Lenara’s.

 

 

They found plates inside, and heaped them with potato salad and greens, with fish tacos and corn chips. They sat in the kitchen, where the chairs were padded with waterproof seats, eating in silence.

 

“I know this is soon, Lenara,” Robin began hesitantly. “I’m sorry to have to drop such big decisions in your lap before the sheets have even cooled,” she tried for some levity. “But I have to tell Kathryn what I want to do.”

 

Lenara chewed thoughtfully, carefully considering her next words. “We spent at least one whole evening discussing our careers, Robin. I know this is what you want to do. So why are you hesitating?”

 

“You told me the other day you want to be the same woman who rearranged her life to follow Kieran to the Enterprise. Can you be that woman for me? Will you come with me, if I decide I want to go?” Robin asked softly, taking Lenara’s hand.

 

Lenara smiled warmly, relief washing over her. “Yes. I was so afraid you wouldn’t want me to,” she confessed.

 

“Starfleet won’t let me bring my girlfriend aboard a ship. You have to be my wife,” she stated matter of factly, holding her breath.

 

“I know.” Lenara already understood the implications, before Robin even contemplated them. She drew the Counselor out of her chair, insinuating herself into her arms. “I know all that, Robin.”

 

“Honey, do you even want to be on a ship?” Robin held her possessively, stroking her hair gently.

 

“I want you to be happy. After that night we talked about careers, I knew what I was getting myself into. I accept that. I can do my research anywhere. If Captain Janeway will give me the resources I need, I can continue what I’ve been doing. Can we ask her about that? Because that’s my only hesitation, except for Kit and Emily. I can’t imagine how they will take the news that you’re leaving, especially if I’m going with you.”

 

Robin closed her eyes. “I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve almost turned down the posting just because of them. I’m most worried about how Kit’ll react, Lenara. I think Emily will be fine with my leaving, but not Kit. And you’re so important to Ems, how selfish am I to just steal you away?” Her expression was pained.

 

“You’re not stealing me away,” Lenara assured her. “I’m going because I love you and I want to be with you. I wish we could make everyone happy, but that’s not possible, this time. It seems it never is,” she added faintly, thinking of Kieran’s situation, with everyone leaving her and Naomi and Kit and Emily behind.

 

“Kieran told me that from the moment Kit met you, she trusted you. Do you know what a rarity that is, for a survivor? That never, ever happens for them. She must love you a great deal, if she opened herself to you at all, let alone immediately,” Robin advised her, awed by it. “I feel so bad for her. She’ll never forgive me, you know.”

 

“I know,” Lenara affirmed. “She won’t forgive me, either.”

 

Kieran scooted in the back door, finding the couple in the kitchen. “Did you guys find everything all right?”

 

“Yeah, we found everything, all right,” Robin said with a double meaning, leaning her forehead against Lenara’s. “KT, how do you think Kit will handle it if I take the job on the Sato?” she asked, easing from Lenara’s arms.

 

Kieran bit her lip. “You’re both going to go, aren’t you?” she asked, voice breaking immediately. She grabbed them both into a hug, squeezing the daylights out of them. “I love you both. Congratulations.” She hid her sadness in Lenara’s hair, trying to get a grip on her fragile emotions. “I think Kit will take it very, very badly. But I don’t think that should stop you from going, if it’s what you want, Robbie.” She kissed the Counselor’s cheek. “Everyone in Starfleet says goodbye, eventually. Kit has to realize that. I mean, damn, I’m giving my kid up,” she said hoarsely.

 

Robin held tightly to her lover and her ex-lover, feeling torn. “I want to go, Kieran, but I’m concerned for Kit. If Lenara and I weren’t both leaving, it might be easier for her, but both of us? I think that’s going to be a huge blow.”

 

Kieran squeezed them both once more, certain her grief was well hidden again, and let them go. “I imagine it will, but I’ll get her through it, Robbie. I’m no slouch on the couch, you know.”

 

“It’s not that I think you are, sweetie.” She took Kieran’s hand. “She’s got some pretty intense transference going on with me, and that’s difficult. She’s a sensitive kid.”

 

Kieran nodded. “Listen, if it were me, I’d be worried about your own stuff. You guys are just getting your feet in your relationship, and you’re talking about the biggest steps you can take in your whole life—marriage and career. I rushed into my marriage, and that can create a lot of issues. You guys talk all this through, be sure of yourselves. Let me worry about my daughter, okay?” Her voice caught again.

 

Lenara slipped her hand into Kieran’s free one. “Honey, I’m worried about you,” she emphasized. “Are you okay with this?”

 

“I will be,” Kieran assured her. “It’s just me being greedy, that’s all. I just got you both back, after years and years apart, and finally, we’re all at ease with each other, and able to really participate in each other’s lives without any regrets. Of course I’m going to be broken up over it.” She shrugged, her eyes filling with tears. “I love you both so much, and I’m going to miss you terribly.”

 

Warm arms enfolded her again, and the three women were hanging on for life. “We have to stop this or I’m going to cry all damn day,” Kieran informed them, wiping her face on the towel slung over her shoulder. “I think I should be the one to give you both away at the wedding,” she smarted. “I have to go chase my kid down, before she drives my wife crazy.” She studied them both, eyes wet and throat aching. “You guys look great together. You really do,” she said softly, turning away.

____________________

 

“Hey, NoGame,” Kieran greeted her old friend as she came through the hospital room door. “Where’s the bundle of joy?” She went to B'Elanna, who looked pale and drawn, but happy. “Hey, Benal.” She kissed her ex-wife. “How’d it go?”

 

B'Elanna smiled up at her. “He’s amazing. He’s so perfect. Noah, get the nurse to bring him back in, so everyone can see him,” she requested, squeezing the tall man’s hand.

 

“You can’t call me that anymore, either, Kieran,” Noah insisted. “Don’t insult me in front of my boy,” he complained, already the protective father. “Hey, Wildwoman.” He kissed Naomi’s cheek. “Kit, Ems.” He hugged them both. “Be right back with the man of the hour,” he promised.

 

“Could he be any more proud?” Kieran asked Seven, who was holding Kathryn on her lap in the only chair in the room.

 

“Kieran.” B'Elanna tried to sit up, grimacing. “Who has the kids?”

 

“Lenara and Robin, sweetie, relax.” She smoothed her hair protectively. “I think they’re qualified to entertain them for half an hour, don’t you?”

 

B'Elanna sighed. “Sorry. Force of habit. I always think Noah is going to misplace them.”

 

Noah returned just then, cradling his newborn son, smiling so broadly the reflection of his smile was blinding. He took the nearly ten pound little boy over to Kieran, placing him in her arms. “Kieran Wildman, I’d like you to meet Kieran Kelsey Lessing, your namesake. We’re going to call him Kelsey, to avoid confusion,” he advised her.

 

Kieran looked at Noah, then at B'Elanna. “You’re kidding, right?” She checked his hospital ID. Kieran Kelsey Lessing, it said. “You’re not,” she said, stunned. Her face clouded for a moment, but the infant in her arms grunted and smacked his lips just then, and she forgot to be emotional. “You look just like your papa,” she cooed at him, brushing the receiving blanket away from his wrinkled little face. “Same face, same skin, same eyes. Damn, B'Elanna, he doesn’t look a thing like you. Are you sure he’s yours?”

 

She scowled. “I passed him, he’s mine,” she snarled. “Don’t get any ideas about kidnapping my son, just because we named him after you.”

 

“Kelsey.” She kissed his head, laughing as he yawned. “Cassidy always called me that, to tease me.” She smiled. “I’m going to miss watching you grow up, little man.” She rocked him softly. “But you be sure and torment your big sister for me.” She hugged him closer. “Lanna,” she smiled at her former wife, “he’s a marvel. You guys did great work.”

 

Naomi took him next, and Kit and Emily took turns oohing and ahhhing over him.

 

Kieran moved Noah beside B'Elanna’s bed, talking to them. “I’ve been thinking, you guys. I need to turn full custody of Katie over to you two, because as it stands right now, once you’re out on the Sato, if something happens to B'Elanna, they have to contact me. It needs to be you, bud. I don’t want my daughter going without medical treatment or something because you guys can’t get me on subspace. B'Elanna and I need to give you a medical power of attorney that’s predicated upon B'Elanna’s incapacity. I’ll get the document drawn up.”

 

“I don’t think you have to do that, KT,” Noah objected. “I’m going to be her step-dad. B'Elanna and I are getting married as soon as we join the Sato. Captain Janeway is going to do the wedding. All you have to do is give B'Elanna full custody, and I’ll legally be her guardian, if something happens.”

 

“Yeah,” B'Elanna grinned. “Noah doesn’t want Kelsey to be a bastard,” she ribbed her boyfriend. Her expression softened, and she took his hand. “I’m only teasing you, honey. You know I was the one who asked you.”

 

“She did,” Noah confirmed for Kieran. “Pregnant and all, right down on one knee. That alone made it worth the price of admission,” he laughed happily.

 

“And you said yes?” Kieran needled him. “Didn’t we discuss this already, NoGame? I warned you, she’s crafty, you have to always say no to anything that involves Klingon blades of any type.”

 

Noah laughed again, shaking his head. “She didn’t hold me at knifepoint, KT. I’m a willing participant. Now that I’ve paid my debt to you, by providing Katie a sibling—even named the kid after you, so there’d be no mistaking that he’s the debt child—I want to have another one. I had to agree to marry her to get her to lease out the womb space.”

 

Kieran hugged him firmly. “Good for you, bud. Am I walking you down the aisle?”

 

“No. My folks are. You’re standing up with me. Seven’s standing up with B'Elanna. August 21^st. Put it on your PADD.”

____________________

 

Naomi Wildman finished her last final exam, shaking the cobwebs from her mind as she exited the building where the test had been. She realized she was right in front of the Astrometrics building, and she decided it was time to take Lenara Kahn up on her offer to get coffee. She made her way to the Stellar Sciences wing, and into Lenara’s lab.

 

The Trill was hard at work at her chalkboard, thinking through an equation that just wasn’t quite right. “You’ve got the wrong factorial,” Naomi greeted her.

 

Lenara’s hands were covered in chalk, her hair bedraggled, expresson intent. “I do?”

 

Naomi grinned, taking her chalk. “Right here. It’s five, not four.”

 

Lenara regarded her with astonishment. “I’ve been working on this portion of the theory for six weeks. How in hell did you know that with one glance?”

 

“I have—a gift, I guess,” she laughed. “At least, the Traveler thought so. And I’ve read every word you’ve ever published, Lenara. I even tried to rework your dark matter calculations a couple of times. Of course, I was physiologically eight at the time, and intellectually younger than that,” she belittled herself.

 

“Would you show me, sometime? Your interpretation?” she asked hopefully. She glanced at her hands, realizing she must look a mess.

 

“If I can find it, yes. I probably erased it a long time ago, because it was so lame. I came to see if you’d like to get that cup of coffee we talked about,” she got to the point.

 

“I would,” Lenara decided. “Let me clean up. Make yourself comfortable.” She excused herself to the ensuite. She fussed over her hair, but could not get it back into the tight braid that held it away from her face. She finally gave up, brushing it out and letting it fall free. She washed the chalk from her hands, patted it out of her clothing, and checked herself in the mirror. Not perfect, but presentable.

 

She rejoined Naomi, who had taken a seat in her office, but stood as Lenara entered. “Is the student union okay with—Lenara,” Naomi stopped midsentence, appreciating how different she looked with her hair down. “Your hair,” she murmured, resting her hands on the Trill’s shoulders.

 

“I couldn’t make it behave,” she complained. “Does it look just awful?”

 

“It’s lovely.” Naomi touched it without even thinking it might be an intrusion. “How did you make it do this?” She turned her around, trying to imagine what she would have to do to make her own hair look the same.

 

Lenara shrugged. “I just—brushed it.”

 

“Show me,” Naomi demanded, guiding her into the ensuite.

 

Lenara gave her an enigmatic grin. “Okay. Just—this is all,” she bent at the waist, hanging upside down, brushing through the thick mane and then standing up.

 

Naomi was fascinated. “That can’t be all you did,” she accused her, smiling. “It’s so elegant, so rich,” she murmured. “You should let Robin see it like this. She’d be all over you,” she promised. “Only don’t let Kieran see it this way—she’d be all over you too.”

 

Lenara smacked her arm playfully. “You have to stop thinking that way,” she scolded her. “Kieran is as faithful as the sea is deep,” she lectured her. “And I’m very serious about Robin. We haven’t told anyone yet, except your wife, but we’re supposed to get married and join the crew of your mother’s ship in August. Robin is just waiting for the right time to break it to Kit.”

 

Naomi smiled broadly. “Please believe me when I tell you I’m thrilled for you both, and not because that makes my life easier. Congratulations.” She hugged the smaller woman, pleased for her. “Let’s go have coffee and you can tell me everything. This must have been some whirlwind romance,” she chuckled.

 

Lenara nodded. “It has been. It seems to be a pattern in my life. I so seldom connect with anyone deeply, but when I have, it’s been immediate,” she realized. They left the building and headed for the student union. “It was that way with Kieran, and with Jadzia. I think I learned my lesson from those situations,” she smiled.

 

“Your lesson?” Naomi took her arm, pulling her closer. She remembered an old saying about keeping your friends close, and your enemies closer, but she forced that thought from her mind.

 

“I mean I learned not to fight my heart, to go with it. I tried with both Kieran and Jadzia to ignore what I knew I wanted and needed to do. I tried to do what was expected. In Kieran’s case, what was expected was that the relationship would end when we parted ways. And I tried to do that. The results were disastrous, emotionally, for both of us.”

 

“From what Kieran has said, though, she tried to do the same thing—to walk away even though she didn’t want to,” Naomi noted. They entered the student union, finding their way to the cafeteria. It was almost deserted, now that finals were winding down.

 

“We both tried, though I think I knew even then that if I had asked her to find a way for us to be together, she would have. Only I thought that wasn’t fair to her, to ask her to resign her commission, so I didn’t ask.” She keyed in her request at the replicator station, waiting for her drink to materialize. She suddenly smiled so brightly, Naomi was taken in by it. “With Robin,” she let the sound of her lover’s name fill her, “I didn’t even try to do the expected thing—well, maybe I did for a day. But thankfully, you came to talk to me. What you said about control, and love—that struck a very resonant chord in me. And I decided for once, I would not try to do the right thing—the gradual dating and pretending to feel less for her than I do, all so we could take things slowly, as expected.”

 

“I’ll say,” Naomi teased her. “Engaged already,” she laughed. “Though I have to admit, Kieran and I were like that. As soon as we became lovers, it was just understood we’d be married, eventually.” She took her turn at the replicator, keying in her selection. “There’s a table over by the window—let’s grab that one.”

 

They added cream and sweeteners to their coffees, stopping in mid-procedure, realizing they each did it the exact same way: pour in cream, add two packets of sweetener, pour in more cream and stir until light brown. It was as if they were doing it in a mirror, and it struck them both as odd. Neither said anything, though they exchanged puzzled looks.

 

“So tell me how you and Robin decided to make this permanent,” Naomi requested, smiling. She loved to gossip, and it had been a long time since she’d had anyone to do it with.

 

“It wasn’t any big, romantic moment,” Lenara laughed. “It was like making a business deal.” She grinned fondly. “Robin had to decide about the job on the Sato, and she wanted to know what I thought she should do. I told her she should go, because clearly, that’s what she’s wanted ever since she got her counseling degree. And she asked if I would be willing to go with her. When I said yes, she pointed out that meant we had to be married, which I already knew,” she explained. “It didn’t hit me until later that by asking me to go with her, she was really asking me to marry her. At the time she asked, it was just a practical consideration, I suppose.” She sighed faintly. “And it comes with a huge set of trade offs for both of us, so it wasn’t entirely a happy decision. We’re both worried about Kit, and how she’s going to react. And I’m going to miss Emily something awful.”

 

“I’m worried, too, but Kieran is so solid with Kit, I think we’ll pull through. Besides, that shouldn’t be your stumbling block. You’re in love, and that’s the most important thing for anyone, ever. How does the decision impact your work?”

 

Lenara shrugged. “We haven’t even considered that yet. We have to talk to Kathryn, and get a feel for what facilities will be available to me. There are already so many prestigious researchers signed on to the crew, I may have to stand in line for lab time.”

 

“Well, Seven’s a huge advocate of your work, and that will carry a lot of weight with K-Mom. You may find you have a Borg assistant, she’s so entranced by your theories.”

 

Lenara sipped her coffee, thinking of the staggering possibilities. “There’s no limit to what I could do with a colleague like Seven.” She was awed at the prospect. “Kit has been marvelous, too. She could be a quadrant renowned theoretician, someday, if she’s brought along properly. You and Kieran should encourage her. I know Admiral Brand sees her as the next James Kirk, but she’s as sharp scientifically as anyone I’ve ever met.”

 

“That’s high praise coming from you. I’ll certainly encourage her. I think she’s the kind of intellect that could write her own ticket. We’re so proud of her, and how far she’s come,” Naomi said affectionately.

 

“Do you think Emily would benefit from having a home of her own, outside of the one she’s begun to establish with your family?” Lenara asked, still concerned about the willowy teenager.

 

Naomi cocked her head to one side, thinking. “Emily is a different case. She’s already been on her own a long time, though she looks to Kieran and I for guidance on a lot of things. Still, I think she’d feel more secure if she knew there was a place for her, independent of her relationship with Kit. I think she erroneously believes that she is only part of our family through Kit, and if Kit and she weren’t together, somehow that would all change.”

 

“It wouldn’t change?” Lenara asked.

 

“I hope not. I think Kieran and I would try very hard to make her welcome, under any circumstances. But Kit comes first, and Kieran is very resolute about that. And she should be. Kit needs that commitment from us,” she acknowledged.

 

“I’ve been trying to get to know Emily better, trying to reach out to her. She seems like such a sweet girl, and so adrift, sometimes. But now that Robin and I are leaving, I guess there’s not much point in trying to forge a relationship there.” She studied her coffee, sorry for the circumstances. “That was probably the only reason I opened up to Robin at all, knowing her history with Kieran. She told me she wished she had a partner as solid and stable as you, so she could make a home for Emily, like Kieran had for Kit.”

 

“I had a hard time with Robin, too, because she just devastated Kieran. I doubted I’d ever let myself like her. But Kieran loves her, and trusts her, and that’s all I need to know. Kieran reads people better than anyone I’ve ever met, although she didn’t know how, when she was with Robin, to protect herself from opportunism. Now she’s less naïve, but her insight into people, her ability to predict what they will do, just floors me. In fact,” Naomi smiled faintly, “she told me Monday that she knew if Robin left, you would too. I thought she was just being paranoid, but it turns out she nailed that one, too.  So if she tells me she trusts Robin, then so do I,” she admitted. “Though it’s a bit peculiar, having so many friends that are Kieran’s ex-lovers. Maybe that’s why I gravitate toward Noah—she’s never slept with him,” Naomi laughed.

 

Lenara laughed, too. “No, I don’t imagine she has. She was always crystal clear about her preferences. I always have been, too, which is odd, because my symbiont has been with both genders, and has been hosted by both genders, so you’d think I would be bisexual. But I’m not.”

 

“Does it bother you that Robin has been with men?” Naomi leaned closer, lowering her voice.

 

“Not at all. Should it?” Lenara was amused.

 

“No, but—I don’t know, somehow I derive a good deal of comfort from knowing Kieran only likes women. It’s like it eliminates half the competition, I guess.” She grinned, sipping her coffee.

 

Lenara waggled her eyebrows. “I am not worried about competition, at all.”

 

“Do you know something I don’t?” Naomi demanded playfully.

 

“Probably not.” Lenara patted her hand. “I just know when I have someone’s full devotion, and I have it with Robin. Once she settled her issues about Rachel McVicker, there was no doubt in my mind.”

 

Naomi sighed. “I wish I could stop doubting. Kieran’s never done anything to make me doubt her, but I do, somehow. It’s like this nagging dread, and I can’t seem to shake it. My brain says I have nothing to fear, because I’ve seen how she is, I’ve watched her and I know her. And honestly, it all started when I met you. It just disturbs me that she never told me a thing about you. Even when I was joined to her, on Qian, and we saw everything in each other’s minds and hearts through the psychic link, I did not see you in her history.”

 

“Well, I’m no psychologist, but I have a theory about that,” Lenara offered. Naomi looked expectantly at her. “You tell me, Naomi, if you think this isn’t possible. Kieran tends to see things in absolutes—right, wrong. Black, white. No gray. Unlike Robin and B'Elanna, I never did anything to make her need to protect herself from me. Our relationship only ended because she believed she would never get to come home again. And so I have always been gray, since she had no reason to reject me. Couple that with the fact that she would have felt tremendous guilt for letting herself get involved again, while our engagement was still there. She couldn’t just hail me and say it was over, and knowing Kieran, she felt like she was somehow being unfaithful, even after years and years apart. I think her memory of me became so wrapped in guilt and in confusion, she set it aside, untouched, unacknowledged, because she couldn’t live with the contradiction. Is that possible?”

 

Naomi considered, nodding slowly. “I think with her, it’s not only possible, it’s very likely. She even told me once, she compartmentalizes feelings into acceptable and unacceptable. She did that with me, when my aging process accelerated, and she realized she was in love with me. She locked those feelings away, because she thought they were inappropriate.”

 

“I imagine she did the same thing with her feelings for me, and seeing me again brought those unresolved feelings back. She didn’t know what to do with them, or how to resolve them. And she felt so guilty, because she blamed herself for my unhappiness. It was a difficult, confusing situation for both of us,” Lenara confessed. “And I handled it badly, I’m sure.”

 

“You mean by avoiding her?” Naomi clarified.

 

Lenara nodded. “I know it hurt her, but I didn’t trust myself around her. She’s—well, you understand, don’t you? You know what it’s like to love a married woman, because you did, when she was with B'Elanna.”

 

“I do understand. And I handled it the same way. When we were on Voyager, I went through long periods of avoiding her, myself—not because I was afraid I would step over any lines, but because it hurt me so much to feel that way about her. And I know she feels that same pain with you. She might not ever do anything about her feelings for you, but they are there, and I see how much it costs her. Her instincts to protect and caretake are so strong, and she wanted to do that for you.”

 

“I know. I could see her struggling over it, internally. I was afraid her reasoning would go something like: ‘Naomi has family and friends. Lenara does not. Therefore, Lenara has greater need.’ And I didn’t want to give her the chance to make that deductive leap.”

 

“Why not? If she had, you could have been with her again,” Naomi pointed out. “How could you make yourself back away, when she was right there?”

 

“Would you want to be with someone who can’t live with herself? Someone who despises herself? Because that’s what would have happened to her. Guilt is like a black hole—it consumes everything around it until there’s nothing left to consume, and it destroys everything in its path with its crushing force. I love her. I wouldn’t let her do that to herself, to me, to us, to you. And I want to live with a clean conscience. I don’t want to wake up with someone and realize my happiness came at someone else’s expense. Haven’t you ever felt that way, about B'Elanna?” she asked softly.

 

“I did in the beginning, until Kieran told me what happened between them. Then I knew, whether I was with Kieran or not, she would never have gone back to B'Elanna anyway. Although when we realized how much of a role that Restidian bacteria had in all of our decisions, it gave me a lot to think about. But by then, B'Elanna was with Noah, and Kieran and I were married, and the changes were made. Now I think they were good for everyone, anyway. Lanna and Noah are so good together, and so happy. And their little boy is just so precious.”

 

Lenara smiled, nodding. “If they named him after Kieran, there must not be any residual conflict between her and B'Elanna. They seem to have such a positive relationship, a real friendship.” She sipped her coffee and made a face. “It got cold,” she said, surprised. “I never get so engrossed in anything that I forget to drink my coffee.” She smiled at Naomi. “Do you think, now that Robin and I are in a committed relationship, Kieran will stop feeling like she needs to fix my life for me?”

 

“I’m sure of it. I think she is grieving over the fact that you’re leaving, though I didn’t know that’s what was wrong. I found her out back by the pool, night before last, crying. But who knows. She could have been crying over Katie, or because B'Elanna named her baby after her, or any number of things. She’s become so emotional, since we got married. She was never like that before.”

 

“It’s because you open her,” Lenara said knowingly. “I can see it, when you interact with her. You’re the reason she can’t compartmentalize feelings anymore, the reason everything stays at the surface, because you keep her vulnerable. She’s changed so much because of her relationship with you. And Kit, too. Kit just affects her so deeply.”

 

“Kit affects everyone that way. You were saying you decided to give Robin a chance, because of how she feels about Emily?” Naomi looked at her empty coffee cup, wishing for another.

 

“I didn’t consciously think it, but that was what made me like her. Her compassion. And her sense of humor,” Lenara added, smiling.

 

Naomi winked at her companion. “Of course it doesn’t hurt that she’s deadly gorgeous,” she chuckled.

 

“It certainly doesn’t,” Lenara admitted freely. “Though that didn’t consciously register with me until the first night we—er—we—” she was suddenly tongue tied and blushing.

 

Naomi laughed at her. “I get it.” She smirked. “It sure registered with me with Kieran, a long time before anything ever happened with us. I was obsessed with her body,” she admitted. “So have you and Robin set a date? Decided where to have the wedding?”

 

Lenara was still flushed. “I guess I’m obsessed with her body, now, because honestly, we’ve hardly done any talking since we made the decision. It’s like—I don’t know, we can’t stop making love long enough to worry about details,” she laughed lightly. “Not that I’m complaining,” she added, quirking an eyebrow.

 

Naomi nodded vigorously. “Isn’t that just the best? I never thought I’d really care about sex, until Kieran and I got involved. God, do I care about it,” she breathed.

 

“It is amazing,” Lenara agreed, relaxing enough to confide in Naomi a bit. “Robin is so—generous.” She shivered, thinking about the night before.

 

“Was it hard for her, figuring out how to be with a different species?” Naomi wondered.

 

“Not very—I had to explain a couple of things, but she was very patient, and she took it all in stride. What about with you and Kieran?” Lenara leaned closer.

 

“Actually, Ktarians have the same genitalia as humans, so there weren’t any differences she had to worry about. Though I’m sure she’d have figured out anything that she needed to. She cares enough about me as a partner that she asks the right questions, and never hesitates to question anything she thinks might be an issue,” she said softly, making sure no one was listening in. “I wish she were as good about telling me what she wants, though. She hesitates when it comes to her own satisfaction. I think she’s afraid of being selfish,” Naomi noted, smiling ruefully. “But the longer we’re together, the more I find out, even if I have to force her to talk about what she wants.” Naomi smiled across the table, surprised at herself. “I’ve never talked to anyone about my sex life, but Seven, and then, just enough to assure her I’m happy. I can’t believe how easy it is to tell you things. I hope I haven’t shocked you.”

 

“Not at all,” Lenara assured her. “You’re easy to talk to, too. You have a way of making people feel comfortable—just like Kieran does. You’ll be a great counselor,” she informed her companion.

 

“Thanks. I had a superior role model, in Kieran. I can’t wait until she has her own ship, so we can work together again. We did a project together, on Voyager, and it was fun to interface with her professionally, instead of just personally,” she remembered fondly. “If you and Robin are going to the Sato, we’re going to all be serving together, eventually. I’ll be going aboard after I finish my degree, probably as one of Robin’s assistant counselors. Kieran will be K-Mom’s first officer, and Kit and Emily will be ensigns,” she dreamed of the future. She glanced at the chronometer, scowling. “I really don’t want to, but I have to go. I have packing to do, and Seven and I are leaving for Indiana tonight. I want to get the house cleaned before Kit and Kieran and Ems get there with Orson. Once the dog’s there, the place will never be clean, anyway.” She shook her head. “Can I walk you back to your lab?”

 

“Sure. Actually, I have to go to the Admin building. Robin and I are meeting with your mother, to get our plans squared away. I hope she can promise me enough lab time to do my research,” she added fretfully. “I’d make a lousy housewife.”

 

They rose to leave, heading for the turbo lift. “If that happens, I’ll send you all of Seven’s and all of my recipes. You can work on becoming a gourmet cook, instead of making wormholes,” she laughed. “You should get to know Seven better, too. She really enjoyed your company, before you dumped her,” Naomi teased, stepping off the lift.

 

“I intend to. I could pick her brain on some of my work, and she is a fascinating person. Her stories of the Borg really need to be written up, published. I think I’ll try to convince her to do it. I could be her editor, and we could collaborate on the manuscript. That might keep me busy enough if I can’t play with my wormholes,” she decided.

 

Robin Lefler approached from the north sidewalk, smiling at the two women and waving. “Hi,” she greeted them both. She kissed Lenara’s cheek, then hugged Naomi. “I guess Lenara told you we’re going to join your mother’s crew?”

 

“She did. I think you’ll love it. The ship is phenomenal. Have you toured it yet?” Naomi slipped her hands in her pockets, noting the subtle body posture that connoted Robin and Lenara were lovers.

 

“Not yet, but we might this afternoon, if your mom offers,” Robin put in. “We have to go, honey, or we’ll be late. I get the sense that Captain Janeway isn’t real lenient on things like that.”

 

“She’s not,” Naomi agreed. “She can be a major bitch, so tread lightly until you get a feel for her. Kieran won her over pretty easily, because she never let K-Mom intimidate her. You have to stand up to her, Robin, when it counts, or she’ll walk all over you. She’s a total control freak. But you can cajole her into seeing things your way, if you know how to humor her. Ask Kieran how she did it. She could get K-Mom to do whatever she wanted. Seven’s still trying to figure out the trick,” Naomi laughed. “Good luck,” she added.

 

“Thanks for the advice. Ready, sweetie?” Robin took Lenara’s hand.

 

Lenara hugged Naomi with her free arm. “Let’s do this again—can I come to Indiana to visit you?”

 

“That would be great,” Naomi agreed. “You can meet my grandmother—you’ll never believe she’s Kathryn’s mother. She’s just wonderful, and she’d love you.” Naomi kissed her cheek softly. “Take care, you guys. Keep in touch.”

 

____________________

 

Robin Lefler wandered along the footpaths of Starfleet Academy, arm slung around Kit Wildman’s shoulders, talking quietly with her young friend. “So how did finals go?” she asked, genuinely interested.

 

“I got all A’s.” She shrugged indifferently. “So did Emily.”

 

Robin smiled at Kit’s nonchalance over her intellectual prowess. “Are you looking forward to Australia?”

 

Kit smiled expansively. “We can’t wait. We have to settle into the studio in Indiana, first though. We’re leaving for the tour week after next. We’re very excited.”

 

Robin peered speculatively at her. “Are you planning anything—dramatic?” she asked, smiling.

 

Kit wasn’t following. “Like what?”

 

“Eloping, perhaps?” Robin whispered.

 

“Lord, no,” Kit assured her. “We’re very happy, but Kieran would have a fit and fall in it,” she speculated. “Ems and I have already got it all planned out, anyway,” she informed her therapist. “We’re going to get married right after we graduate, and Kathryn is going to find positions for us on her ship, along with Naomi and Kieran, so we can all stay together.”

 

“Speaking of Kathryn’s ship, Kit,” Robin got to the point of their meeting. “I wanted to let you know, she’s offered me the job as Ship’s Counselor. I’m going to be leaving the Academy before you start school, sweetie.” She squeezed Kit’s shoulders.

 

Kit stopped dead in her tracks, gazing at the blue-eyed Counselor with a pained expression. “But—Robin—” she staggered as if she’d been punched. “You’re my counselor,” she protested. “I’ve already told you everything about—you already know me,” she implored, chest constricting in panic. “I can’t start all over with a stranger who doesn’t even care about me,” she voiced her fear.

 

Robin slid her arms around the younger woman, hugging her. “I was a stranger when Kieran brought you to me, Kit,” she said softly. “And I learned to love you right away. So will your next counselor. I know you’re upset, and I’m so sorry, sweetie. But listen, if you give your new counselor an honest chance, and it doesn’t work out, I’ll keep counseling you over subspace—that’s the best I can do. I made Kathryn agree to that up front, in case you need that option.”

 

Kit held tightly to the slight waisted woman, all of her abandonment issues welling to the surface in an instant. She wanted to do the unselfish thing, but her insecurity asserted itself, and she felt small and frightened. “But—” she clutched at the Counselor’s body, as if she might disappear that moment, “I love you, Robin. I trust you,” she added, realizing the truth of the statement, and how rarely she had felt that in her life.

 

Robin Lefler had not anticipated how bad she would feel, or how vulnerable Kit would become, at the news of her departure. Survivors in general, and especially Kit, needed a stable support system, people they could rely upon, routine. It was particularly telling that Kit was able to trust anyone outside of the immediate Wildman family, and Robin knew that Kit was still fragile, and that her recovery was in its early stages. You’re bailing out on her at a critical point, she told herself. This could be a huge setback for her. Kieran can’t counterbalance everything in this kid’s life. At some point, someone has to make the commitment to her, someone outside the nuclear family.

 

“I love you, too, Kit,” she replied sincerely. “I don’t want to disappoint you,” she added apologetically.

 

“Then don’t go,” Kit pleaded. “You can’t hug me over subspace.” She sounded so defenseless.

 

Robin closed her eyes, holding Kit against her, throat aching. “Sweetie, I already accepted the position,” she explained, hoping the younger woman would understand.

 

Kit pulled free of her, turning away. “I guess that’s it then,” she said abruptly, withdrawing into herself and walking away, all of her walls immediately in place. “Thanks for the warning.”

 

Robin wanted to run after her, wanted to take the slouching defeat from her shoulders, wanted to take it all back. She watched as months of hard work was negated before her eyes, the distrust and the suspicion evident in Kit’s demeanor again.

 

Damn it, she thought, what’s really important, here? My career? My love life? Or my patients? Kit walked with her head down, eyes trained on the ground, the energy and enthusiasm depleted. Robin could tell she was crying by the way her shoulders shook.

_______________

 

“I’m afraid she took it rather badly,” Robin Lefler explained to Kieran Wildman over the comm link. “You’d better be ready for the fallout.”

 

Kieran nodded. “I wish you weren’t going, Robbie,” she sighed. “I understand why you have to, but I wish you weren’t.”

 

“I don’t know, anymore, KT. Maybe my priorities are out of kilter, again. I’m so damned confused. Seeing her all broken up today—I’m just not sure.” Robin shook her head.

 

“Do you want to talk about it? I could meet you someplace,” Kieran offered, thinking Robin looked more distraught than she could ever recall.

 

“I appreciate it, but I imagine Kit needs you at home, right now,” she returned. “I need to sort this out myself, I guess.”

 

“Okay. I’m going home then, Robbie. I’ll contact you later, just to let you know how things are with Kit. And if she’s holding her own, maybe you and I can meet up and have coffee,” Kieran smiled at her friend.

 

“Keep me posted, Counselor,” she agreed, severing the link.

 

Kieran packed to head home, stewing over the situation. Kit had come so far, and losing your mental health practitioner in the early stages of recovery could be a devastating blow. She was afraid of the repercussions for her daughter, who so far, had done so well with her treatment. The fact that Kit was able to be intimate with Emily was such a positive sign, and Kit had settled into life with the Wildmans, secure and grounded in their family. Kieran hoped none of that progress would be undone by Robin’s decision to leave. I wonder if she knows about Lenara yet. Damn, she’s in the lab, I bet, right now. And Lenara will have to tell her.

 

Just then, Lenara Kahn hailed her. She materialized on the view screen, rubbing her head.

 

“Kieran, something is wrong with Kit. I think she’s having a break down.” She studied the blood on her fingers.

 

“Lenara, are you okay? Are you bleeding?” Kieran was alarmed.

 

“She pushed me and I hit my head. She ran out of my lab, screaming at me, ‘I have my clothes on. You can’t touch me.’ Should I call Robin?”

 

“No. You get to the infirmary. Right now, understood?” Kieran was near panic.

 

“I will. Go find her, Kieran. She was acting really strangely.”

 

___________________

 

Kit Wildman slunk into Dr. Kahn’s lab, checked the workstation for her instructions, and started to download data, as requested by her mentor. She watched the figures scrolling by, brain disconnected from the comprehension of it. It filled the buffers, cascading like rain.

 

Lenara Kahn came out of her office, startled to see her research assistant already at work. Ordinarily, Kit stuck her head in Lenara’s door to say “I’m here”, at least. Lenara knew from Kit’s posture something was wrong. And then she realized that Robin had met Kit just before Kit’s shift in the lab.

 

“Hey, Kit,” Lenara greeted the dark blonde. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

 

“Hi Dr. Kahn,” she replied, forgetting to even use Lenara’s name. Kit’s face was lifeless, washed out, and she turned back to the data without another word.

 

Lenara approached gingerly, setting a PADD down in front of her assistant. “I need you to proof this for me.” She sat down next to the younger woman. “Tell me if the wording makes sense.”

 

Kit accepted the PADD, trying to focus her thoughts.

 

“Are you okay, honey?” Lenara could see the distress in her face, and knew she couldn’t ignore it.

 

“I—” Kit lay the PADD down. “No,” she admitted readily. “Robin—decided—” she considered what she was about to say, and realized Lenara had to know already. “Are you okay?” she asked the Doctor. “I can’t believe she’s leaving. How could she do that to you?” It dawned on her that if Robin was leaving her, she was leaving Lenara, as well. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” she apologized, “just wrapped up in my own crap and you must be just sick.” She hugged the Trill. “I’m sorry. She told you, already, didn’t she? About the Sato?” Her hands were shaking, her voice quavering.

 

“Yes, she told me. What exactly does that mean, for you, sweetie? I mean in terms of your situation,” Lenara asked softly.

 

“It means I have to start from scratch,” she replied hollowly. “All of it.” She held Lenara tighter, clinging to her. “Every last fucking detail—I have to tell it all again, relive it all again,” she explained, breaking down. “I have to say it all to some stranger, who won’t give a damn.”

 

Lenara held her, letting her cry. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I know this was a really hard decision for her. She agonized over it because she loves you so much.”

 

“Not enough, I guess. Did she say anything, Lenara? Did I do something—to—make her want to leave? Did I disappoint her?” There was that word again, larger than life.

 

“You don’t want to disappoint me, do you Kit?” Kenneth McCallister pulled her closer, taking the buttons of her shirt in his hands. “You know I hate it when you sleep with your clothes on,” he sounded angry. “You’re supposed to be ready for me, Kit. You know what happens when you’re not waiting for me,” he reminded her.

 

 Kit started to shake. “Please, Uncle Kenny, don’t,” she begged him. “I won’t sleep in my clothes anymore, if you just forgive me this time,” she pleaded.

 

“We worked it out, Kit. You only wear your clothes when you’re bleeding. That’s how I know it’s your time. But I know it’s not your time, because it was just last week. You’re trying to reject me, aren’t you?”

 

“No, Uncle Kenny, of course not. You know I love when you come in my room,” she sounded so desperate. “I just forgot, and I was so cold.”

 

“This time, then, I’ll forgive you,” he opened her shirt, sliding his hands over her breasts. “And I’ll let you come anyway, even though you hurt my feelings.”

 

Kit relaxed then. When he was angry, he entered her without foreplay, without letting her get wet, and it hurt so much she was sore for days. Even when he gave her what she needed to take his girth, he often wouldn’t let her come.

 

“Don’t you come, Kit,” he would tell her, “You’d better not. Not yet. Not until I tell you,” he would order her, fondling her, stroking her, teasing her until she was in agony from need. He loved to make her wait until he was inside her, and then she could come, because that’s how women should come. Not from something some other woman could give her, but from the one thing only he could give her. It was how he had conditioned her to need him, to willingly take him, instead of having to coax her everytime. If he let her come from just his fingers, she didn’t want to let him enter her. But she was more than happy to open her legs if it was the only way she could get release.

 

“You always want things from me Kit, expensive things. You have to earn them. This is how,” he thrust into her. “You know you like it, Kit. You always come for me.”

 

“Kit,” Lenara swallowed hard. “I’m going with her,” she said softly, apologetically.

 

“Get away from me,” Kit shouted, shoving Lenara away, her head stuck in the flashback. “Don’t touch me,” she screamed, scrambling into the corner.

 

Lenara knew something was very wrong. “Kit, honey, it’s me. I’m not going to hurt you.” She tried to reach out to the frightened girl, but Kit’s eyes widened and she pushed Lenara down, making a run for it.

 

Lenara bumped her head on a chair as she fell, and she was dazed and confused by Kit’s sudden terror. It was as if she had been hallucinating. Lenara rubbed the back of her head as she dragged herself off the floor, finding a drop of blood on her fingers. She contacted Kieran, and warned her what had happened. Kieran told her to go to the infirmary, which she promptly intended to do, since her head was throbbing.

 

_________________

 

Kieran Wildman had practically run home. She found Kit, lying on her back on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

 

“Hi kiddo,” she greeted her daughter, surreptitiously assessing her mood by the look on her face.

 

“Hey Mom.” Kit didn’t look at her.

 

“Are you all packed, sweetie?” Kieran prompted her. “Is Ems ready to go?”

 

Kit sighed. “I’m packed. I promised Ems I’d help her tomorrow. She and her quadmates had to clean up after their group project, so she hasn’t had time to start yet.”

 

Kieran sat down on the very edge of the couch, perching on one buttock beside her daughter. “I understand Robin’s leaving,” she said softly. “How are you dealing with that?”

 

“Lousy.” Kit’s golden eyes registered hurt. “I don’t think I can do it all over again, Mom. It’s too much.” She heaved a sigh.

 

“What’s too much, sweetie?” Kieran smoothed her spiky hair with a gentle caress.

 

“Telling someone all over again, to get them up to speed. Reliving it, again. It’s exhausting,” she complained rightfully. She turned to her side, resting her head on Kieran’s leg, letting the lanky woman soothe her with warm hands. “I was just starting to really trust her, you know? Like when she made me tell her about the first time—that just tore me up for days,” she recalled. “I don’t want to have to break in someone new,” she said sadly.

 

Kieran rubbed her head tenderly, understanding the dilemma. “I know it takes a huge emotional toll, baby,” she sympathized. “It’s a lot to deal with, in and of itself, but to open up enough to tell someone else, that’s just asking a lot.”

 

“It is,” Kit agreed. “She knows things about me nobody else knows—not even you and Emily,” she confided. “And now she’s just going to go away, like I never existed. And Dr. Kahn, too.”

 

“You understand why, don’t you Kit? Robin has a career to consider, and a new relationship with Lenara, and she never wanted to be planetside,” Kieran explained, still touching Kit’s hair.

 

“I know. And I know it’s selfish of me, but I don’t want her to leave me,” she said miserably. “I don’t think I can trust somebody else with my secrets,” she almost whispered, a silent tear streaking her ruddy cheek. “Maybe I should just stop my sessions altogether,” she sighed.

 

Kieran stiffened momentarily. “No, honey, you shouldn’t,” she urged. “The work you’re doing is so important, and it’s crucial that you complete it, whether Robin is here or not. Don’t give up on yourself, sweetie.” Kieran leaned her body over Kit’s, hugging her close.

 

“Do you think Robin’s giving up on me? Did I do something to make her think I’m not trying hard enough, or I’m not worth it?” She sounded worried. “Did I disappoint her?”

 

“I’m sure if you ask her that, Kit, she’ll tell you that’s not what this is about. Robin is so proud of you, and of the progress you’ve made. She tells me all the time,” Kieran assured her.

 

Kit sighed tiredly. “I don’t feel so hot, Mom,” she said dejectedly. “I think I’m just going to go lay down.”

 

“Is Emily coming over tonight?” Kieran asked, tousling Kit’s hair.

 

“No. She’s got a party at her quad. I was supposed to go, but I don’t feel much like it,” she added.

 

“Well, if you want to go upstairs, that’s okay. But if you want to talk some more—” she offered.

 

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be okay,” she decided, heaving herself up and off the couch.

 

“Hey, Kit?” Kieran snagged her hand before the tall young woman could bolt up the stairs.

 

“Yeah?” She didn’t meet Kieran’s eyes.

 

“I love you.” Kieran squeezed her hand.

 

Kit bit her lip. “I know. I love you, too, Mom.”

________________

 

Robin Lefler sat in the darkness of her living room, drinking what was left of a lukewarm beer, contemplating her future. Being friends with Kieran again was a sobering experience, considering that every time they were together, Robin had to admit to herself how badly she had screwed up her life. She had grown accustomed to living with her mistakes over the years, but it didn’t help to think she might be making another critical one.

 

She thought about Lenara, and how lucky she was that the Trill was willing to follow her. She was concerned that Lenara hadn’t contacted her all day, and now wasn’t answering hails at her home.

 

Her comm system beeped at her, signaling an incoming message. She crept through the darkened living room to punch the view screen activator. Kieran appeared, looking very unsettled.

 

“Hey, KT,” she greeted her ex-lover. “What’s the story?”

 

“Hi Robbie. I told you I’d contact you and let you know how Kit is doing,” she explained, running her hand distractedly through her spiky blonde hair.

 

“And?” Robin finished her beer in a long swallow.

 

Kieran sighed. “It’s not good.” She frowned. “She thinks this is her fault, somehow, like she did something to make you give up on her.”

 

Robin’s heart sank. “Oh, KT, that’s not true at all,” she wailed. “She’s worked very hard, and I couldn’t be more pleased with her ethic.”

 

“I know.” Kieran nodded. “But you know how a survivor’s mind works. She’s talking about quitting counseling, rather than have to break in a new therapist. She isn’t sure she can go back over her history, put herself through the exercise of reliving it. And she has big concerns about trusting anyone with the information,” she detailed Kit’s worries.

 

“Damn it.” Robin toyed with her beer bottle. “I should talk to her, try to set her mind at ease. Is it okay if I drop by?”

 

“Sure,” Kieran agreed. “Seven and Naomi are in Indiana, already, and I’m just here to make sure Kit and Emily get their gear packed for the summer. The house is a mess, with all of our stuff in boxes,” she warned.

 

“That’s okay.” Robin waved off her apology.

 

“Have you eaten anything besides that beer, today?” Kieran asked pointedly.

 

Robin laughed. “God, you know me so well. Nothing but an apple,” she admitted. “Should I pick up dinner on the way?”

 

Kieran smiled. “That would be terrific. We’re not picky. Kit eats anything that isn’t moving.”

 

Robin grinned facetiously. “As I recall, you prefer to eat things that move a lot.” She waggled her eyebrows.

 

“You’re just nasty,” Kieran scolded her former lover. “But awfully clever,” she decided. “Are you steady enough to get here, or should I come meet you?”

 

Robin scowled at her. “I’ve only had one beer, KT.”

 

Kieran laughed. “As I recall, that’s about all it takes to make you loopy,” she accused. “Robbie, did Lenara go to the medical center, like I told her to?”

 

Robin’s face fell. “I haven’t heard from her today. What are you talking about?” her chest constricted with fear.

 

“It sounded to me like Kit had a flashback with her, and she might have pushed Lenara down in her haste to get away. Lenara’s head was bleeding, so I told her to go to the campus infirmary.” Kieran was worried now. “Kit didn’t say a thing about whatever happened, though.”

 

“Don’t ask her about it. I’ll deal with it. I’ll be there as soon as I find Lenara. I have to go,” Robin severed the comm link. 

 

Just then, Lenara hailed Robin, her face shimmering into focus.

 

“Honey, are you okay?” Robin touched the image of her lover.

 

“I’m fine. Kieran told you?” Robin nodded. “It’s just a scratch. Not a big deal. But Robin, there is something really wrong with Kit. She was freaking out.”

 

Robin swallowed hard. “Can you meet me at Kieran’s? I want to know everything that happened. I have to see Kit. I’ll grab dinner for all of us.”

 

Lenara nodded. “I’ll meet you there right away. I love you, Robbie.”

 

Robin smiled. “I love you, too.”

 

________________

 

Robin Lefler arrived with two armfuls of carry out food from the local barbecue joint, including ribs, corn on the cob, beans, cole slaw, and pulled pork. Kieran helped her get it into the kitchen, laughing at her friend.

 

“Were you planning to feed an army?” she teased, ushering Robin into her house.

 

“Hey, Kit is a teenager, and I figured Emily would probably show up, too. And I’m starving,” she defended herself. She leaned over to greet her lover, who was seated at the table. “Hi, honey. Thanks for meeting me.” She helped herself to a seat. “Now tell me exactly what happened.”

 

Lenara retold the story, puzzling over it. “What was she babbling about her clothes for?”

 

“It’s very telling, leave it at that. Kieran, you want to get Kit down here?”

 

“I’ll be right back. There are paper plates in that box,” she pointed to the counter.

 

Kieran crept up the two flights of stairs, and found Kit sound asleep. She sat next to her on the bed, and the weight of her body on the mattress woke the slumbering young woman in an instant, sending her into a panic.

 

“NO!” She shouted, unable to tell in the darkened attic that it was Kieran. She scrambled out from under the covers, cowering in the corner of the bed against the wall. “Get away from me!” she screamed. “I won’t let you!” She was clearly disoriented. “I have my clothes on!” she shouted, as if that were significant.

 

Kieran jumped up and snapped on the light. “Kit, it’s me.” She held out her hands to the frightened girl. “It’s okay, nobody is going to hurt you.”

 

Kit stared at her, eyes wild with fear, chest heaving, cold sweat beading on her forehead. “KT?” she gasped, holding her arms tight around her midsection, as if her body might fly apart.

 

Robin Lefler had heard Kit’s cries from the kitchen, and was up the stairs in a matter of seconds. The look of pure terror on Kit’s face settled any doubts she had about her plans.

 

Kit’s eyes darted between the two women, her panic attack easing somewhat. “I’m in San Francisco.” She closed her eyes, leaning her head on her knees. “I’m safe. He’s not here. He’s not here,” she assured herself. She peeked up over her arms, checking to be sure that she was with Kieran and Robin, and in her room at the Wildman household. She shook with relief, drawing shuddering breaths.

 

Kieran sat back down on the bed, this time more carefully. “Hey,” she held out her arms. “It’s okay, sweetie. Come here,” she urged her daughter.

 

Kit crawled across the mattress like a frightened animal, cautious and tentative. When Kieran had her arms firmly around the timid young woman, Kit collapsed against her. “Oh, God, Mom,” she groaned. “It was so real.” She hid her face in Kieran’s shirt, laughing and crying at the same time.

 

Kieran rubbed her shoulders, working the tension from her muscles. “Are you okay?” she asked softly, kissing Kit’s hair tenderly.

 

“I am now.” She clung to her adoptive parent, still trembling. Then as if the dream still had her in its clutches, she pushed Kieran away, demanding “They won’t ever let him out of prison, will they?”

 

Kieran shook her head. “Never, sweetie. He can never hurt you again,” she promised.

 

Kit sank back into her arms, body limp from exhaustion. “Don’t let me go, okay?” she asked plaintively.

 

“I won’t, baby,” Kieran assured her, tightening the circle of her arms. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Robin eased down onto the mattress beside them, hugging them both. “That makes two of us, Kit. I’m not going to join Kathryn’s crew,” she promised.

 

Kit lifted her face from Kieran’s shoulder, searching blue eyes for a hint of deceit. “You’re not?”

 

“No, sweetie, I’m not, unless Kathryn won’t let me out of my agreement. I think you and I have some really important work to do, and we can’t very well do it if I can’t hug you.” She smiled fondly at her client.

 

Kit eyed her warily. “What made you change your mind?” she demanded.

 

Robin touched her cheek. “My love for you,” she replied simply.

 

The three women clung to each other for awhile, then Robin gave Kieran a meaningful look. “Kit and I need to talk about what happened earlier. Then we’ll be down for dinner. Would you keep Lenara company?”

 

“Sure.” Kieran hugged her daughter. “Kit, can I leave you alone with Robbie?”

 

Kit looked at her mother, then at Robin. “Okay. But if I yell for you, you’ll come right back?”

 

Kieran kissed her forehead. “Always, baby. You know that. I love you, kiddo.”

 

Kieran reluctantly disentangled herself from her daughter, backing out of the room.

 

“It’s all right, KT,” Robin assured her. “Go on.” She took both of Kit’s hands in her own, settling her legs on the bed. “Now, I want you to tell me what happened in Dr. Kahn’s lab. Do you remember it?”

 

 

 

Emily Frazier jogged up the steps at the Wildman’s, anxious to see her lover, worried that she hadn’t shown up for the party at the pre-cadet quad. She rang the chime, waiting for Kit to answer the door.

 

Robin Lefler smiled over her plate of food, smirking at Kieran. “There’s Emily, I bet,” she sounded triumphant. “Good thing I brought so much to eat,” she reminded the Commander.

 

“I’ll get it.” Kit shot out of her chair and into the living room.

 

Kieran took Robin’s hand across the table, pressing it warmly. “You’re really going to turn down the job on the Sato?” she asked.

 

Robin nodded. “I can’t run out on her, KT. Not after tonight,” she admitted.

 

“Thank you,” Kieran said sincerely. “I owe you one, Robbie.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Robin contended. “I took an oath. Kids like Kit are the whole reason I got into this line of work, in the first place. What kind of hypocrite would I be if I walked out on her recovery?”

 

“What about you?” Kieran asked softly, taking Lenara’s hand as well. “Are you going to be sorry to stay behind?”

 

Lenara shook her head. “I never wanted to go. I was just trying to keep from losing her.” She inclined her head in Robin’s direction.

 

Robin looked up as Emily and Kit came in, holding hands. “Hi, Emily,” she greeted the willowy teenager. “I hope you’re hungry.”

 

“Aren’t I always?” she laughed, pulling out a chair. “Are you teaching summer school?” she asked the Counselor.

 

Robin shook her head, chewing thoughtfully on her corn. “I’ve had a recent change of plans. I’m afraid I don’t have much of anything planned for the summer. But that’s okay—I need to get some personal matters in order, anyway.”

 

Emily grinned, helping herself to a slab of ribs and some cole slaw. “I thought psychology types always had their personal affairs in order,” she noted.

 

Robin and Kieran burst out laughing, eyes shining.

 

“Did I say something funny?” Emily was puzzled.

 

Lenara and Kit eyed the two women, shaking their heads.

 

Kieran nearly choked. “Psychologists are notorious for being some of the most fucked up people in the known quadrants,” she advised her young friend. “We can fix everyone else’s problems, never our own.” She slapped her thigh.

 

Robin was still laughing too hard to add anything. She wiped her eyes, then was off on another laughing fit.

 

“How—pathetic,” Emily decided. That only made Kieran and Robin howl louder.

 

Kit, Emily, and Lenara looked at each other as if the two women had lost their minds.

 

_______________

 

Kathryn Janeway had set up an office at Starfleet Command, where she was coordinating the staffing of her newly commissioned ship. She pored over the preliminary rosters, noting the critical positions that remained unfilled. She studied the PADD that held the personnel files of the graduating class, wondering how many green recruits she would end up with. She needed to conference with Admiral Brand about some of the potential crew, and she sent her a communique to request a meeting time.

 

Robin Lefler and Kieran Thompson arrived, unannounced and without an appointment. Kathryn decided to overlook the breach of protocol, and waved the Commanders into her office.

 

“Why do I get the feeling you have bad news?” Kathryn smirked at them both.

 

Robin and Kieran took seats in front of the oversized desk, exchanging meaningful looks. “Captain,” Robin began formally, “I need to withdraw my application,” she stated simply.

 

Kathryn steepled her fingers together. She could deny the request outright, and that was her immediate impulse. “Absolutely not,” she replied without hesitation. “You’ve already committed yourself, Counselor,” she protested.

 

“Kathryn,” Kieran leaned forward, lowering her voice, “It’s because of Kit.”

 

Kathryn’s right eyebrow shot up. “Explain.”

 

Robin sighed. “Believe me, Captain, I want this posting. I want it more than anything, and it would be the best move for my career and my personal life. But I made a commitment to Kit, long before I considered the job on the Sato. She’s at a critical phase of her recovery, and when I told her I was leaving, she just fell apart. Kieran and I agree that for her to ever get her bearings, and truly recover, she has to have a network of support both inside and outside her immediate adoptive family. Kit has been treated like she’s disposable her whole life. She has, understandably, little capacity to trust people, as a result. If I become one of those people who abandoned her, I think the damage could be irreparable. I can’t join your crew, Captain. I’m sorry,” she said matter-of-factly.

 

Kathryn leaned back in her chair, considering. “You really think you should give up your own opportunities for this girl? You’re convinced she’s worth the sacrifice?”

 

Kieran bristled defensively. “Come on, Kat. This is Kit we’re talking about. Do you even have to ask?”

 

“Stand down, Commander,” she warned. “Robin,” she redirected her question, “are you sure this is what you want to do? I applaud the intent, but if you turn down this posting, you may never get back on a ship again. This is your career, we’re talking about,” she said pointedly.

 

Robin nodded. “I’ve learned a few things over the years, Kathryn,” she said quietly. “My relationship with Kieran, in particular, taught me that it isn’t so much what you do for a living, but how you do it, that counts. I used to be hung up on titles, and rank, and prestige. But I found out, from losing Kieran, that none of those things matter, if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror and live with what you see. It’s not just Kit, though she is the primary reason I need to stay at the Academy. It’s about me, and being able to live with myself. I hope you can understand that.”

 

Kathryn sighed. “You have no idea how deeply it pains me to say this: permission granted. I’ll release you back to Admiral Brand’s command. I hope Kit appreciates what you’re doing for her.” She smiled faintly.

 

“She will,” Kieran assured them both. “I’ll make certain she understands exactly why Robin made this decision. Thank you, both of you,” she asserted, her tone urgent.

 

The two Commanders were dismissed, and left the Administration building together, preoccupied with their own thoughts.

 

They wandered along the manicured grounds of the Academy, neither needing to tell the other that they were going to find Kit, who was at Emily’s quad, helping her pack her things.

 

Kieran cleared her throat, put an arm around her former fiancée, and asked “Did you really learn that because of me, Robbie?”

 

Robin contoured her arm around Kieran’s waist, not meeting the taller woman’s gaze. “Yes. It was the hardest lesson I ever learned, and it came with the biggest price I’ve ever paid,” she replied honestly.

 

Kieran drew a shaking breath, realizing it was time they talked it through. “Sit with me?” she asked, leading them to a cement bench by the Academy fountain.

 

Robin looked at her expectantly as she settled onto the bench.

 

“Tell me why your marriage to Mike Kirk ended,” Kieran requested. “You married him the night we were supposed to announce our engagement?” she confirmed.

 

“Yes. I went to the Newton with him. And, I don’t know, KT. He wasn’t you. I had the prestige of being the Captain’s wife, I had the promise I would be Chief Engineer within two years, and I had the brilliant future. But I hated myself for what I had become, and for the trail of walking wounded I had left in my wake. And the fact of the matter was, I didn’t love the man. He was an arrogant, self-centered prick, and ironically, he was using me as much as I was using him,” she chuckled.

 

“Using you?” Kieran clarified. “How?”

 

“Trophy wife,” she explained. “He loved to trot me out at all the brass functions, show me off, make the other officers envious. But he didn’t love me. And he was never faithful to me. He fucked half the women on his ship, the first two months we were married,” she said ruefully. “He even brought home one of his buddies, and expected me to have sex with him,” she said softly, blushing. “That was the worst fight we ever had. I left him right after that.”

 

Kieran took her hand. “I’m sorry, Robbie. I didn’t know.”

 

“Well, it was instant karma, I suppose,” she acknowledged. “I had it coming, and he was ten times the opportunist I was. It was fitting that I ended up on the other end of the stick. I learned my lesson. And then I realized how much I had given up when I let you go,” she added. “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that. I know you’re happy, and I know things worked out best for you,” she admitted. “But it’s the worst regret of my life.”

 

Kieran enfolded her in a warm hug. “If I had had any idea how much you had truly changed, when you asked me for a second chance, I would have given it to you,” she said honestly. “I look at you now, and the person you’ve become, and believe me, Robbie, the loss is mine.”

 

Robin allowed herself the indulgence of the embrace, let her heart flutter at the compliment. “No one has ever affected me that way again,” she confessed. “The way you did, that night in Ten-forward, when I saw you standing there talking to Geordi. Until Lenara,” she added, her face soft with love.

 

“Now that you’re not leaving, and you don’t have to get married, do you think you still will?” Kieran asked, smiling.

 

Robin inclinded her head. “I’ve never been this determined before, I’ll say that. I must have had six marriage proposals in my life, but I never was the one who asked. This time, I want it enough that I will be the one to ask. I hope she still says yes, even though it’s not a dire emergency to do it, now.” She pulled away from Kieran’s arms, tapped her palms on her thighs, and said “Let’s go find your daughter, and tell her I’m not bailing out on her.”

 

______________

 

Phoebe Kim squeezed herself down the aisle to where Kit Wildman waited, waving at her great aunt and smiling down the long row of seats.

 

Phoebe grabbed her enthusiastically, hugging her as they greeted each other. “Kit!” She squeezed her tightly. “You look great,” she complimented her. “I wouldn’t have recognized you.” She sat down next to her. “Kieran must be working you out like a madwoman,” she laughed.

 

“Does it show?” Kit flexed her biceps, showing off. “Man, she’s killing me, Phoebe. But my game has never been better. Where’s Harry?” Kit looked around for the dark haired asian.

 

“He ran into an old friend, he’ll be along in a minute.”

 

“Naomi went to get something to drink. She should be here anytime. Oh, and here comes my girlfriend.” She nodded in the direction of the steps of the arena.

 

“That’s Emily?” Phoebe leaned close, following Kit’s line of vision. “That’s the same girl Harry and I met at your birthday party?”

 

“Yeah, that’s her.” Kit’s face flushed. “She’s changed a lot, since then.”

 

Phoebe lay her hand over Kit’s. “She’s gorgeous, Kit. But then I can tell by the look on your face, you already know that,” she laughed.

 

“She sure is.” Kit swallowed hard, standing up to reintroduce them as Emily made her way through the seats. The two women shook hands and shuffled positions, so that Kit could sit next to Phoebe and next to Emily.

 

“So, Kathryn says you two are playing house in my old studio, this summer.” Phoebe smiled at the young lovers.

 

“Yeah,” Kit agreed. “It’s small, but Kieran and Naomi fixed it up really nicely, and we’re all really glad Emily could spend the summer with us,” Kit took Emily’s hand.

 

“After living together, how are you going to deal with being in separate quads, this fall?” Phoebe thought it would be terribly difficult to live apart again.

 

“Same as we did last semester,” Kit laughed. “One of us always stays at the other’s place,” she admitted. “Kieran and Naomi were really good about letting Ems come over anytime she wanted. Now we’ll probably just switch off quads every other night. And if we want, we can always go to the house anytime. The Moms are keeping my room for me. With Seven and Geejay leaving, I think it’ll be pretty quiet around there. They’re going to miss me, I bet.” She grinned facetiously.

 

Phoebe touched her arm. “I bet they really will, Kit. Kieran is having empty nest syndrome, I can tell from her correspondence,” she chuckled. “She’s glad you can’t take Orson with you,” Phoebe added.

 

“Hey, there’s Lenara and Robin. Wave at them, so they can find us,” Kit instructed. She and Emily waved until the couple spotted them.

 

“Hi Kit.” Robin Lefler came up the row behind the Wildman fan section, kissing the top of Kit’s head.

 

“Hey, Robs, how’s it going? Hi, Lenara.” She got up to hug her Trill friend. She made introductions, and everyone settled in to watch warm ups.

 

“Kathryn says you and the handsome Mr. Kim are expecting.” Kit leaned over and kissed Phoebe’s cheek. “Congratulations.”

 

“I’m only a month,” Phoebe protested. “I think it’s premature to celebrate, don’t you?”

 

“Not at all.” Kit shook her head. “Do you know the sex yet?”

 

Phoebe nodded. “It’s a boy, and we’re naming him Edward, after Daddy,” she advised. “Harry struts around like he invented original sin, or something.” Phoebe rolled her eyes.

 

Kit laughed out loud. “Maybe he did. If so, I’ll have to thank him.” She grinned wickedly.

 

Naomi came from the other side of the aisle, stopping to cheer as Kieran’s team took the floor. Everyone from the Indiana side stood and applauded, encouraging the team. Naomi came up the aisle behind hers, so she could say hello to Lenara and Robin, and lean down and hug Phoebe. “How’s the little mother?” she touched Phoebe’s belly.

 

“Not showing yet, Wildwoman, and don’t push it,” Phoebe laughed. “You look wonderful, sweetie.” She kissed her niece. “Wow, and so does Kieran. I’ve never seen her so fit,” she noted, watching the lanky woman warming up.

 

“She works her ass off,” Naomi reported, “and mine and Kit’s, too. We run five miles a day, except on game days. She shoots too many baskets to count. And she does weight training three days a week. She’s in better condition than when she played at the Academy. I expect her to go off for at least twenty, tonight.”

 

“Thirty,” Kit predicted. “And a triple double,” she bragged on her adoptive mother.

 

Naomi winked at Phoebe. “Kit’s totally objective, of course.”

 

“Yeah, so are all those kids clamoring for her autograph,” Emily put in, pointing to the group of youngsters waving to Kieran to try to get her to come to the sidelines.

 

“You guys look like triplets,” Phoebe noted the matching replica jerseys with Kieran’s number and name on them. “I thought Kieran was number 5, at the Academy,” she looked puzzled.

 

“She was,” Naomi agreed, “but she took Kit’s number, for good luck,” Naomi showed her the front of her jersey, which sported a large number 11.

 

“No, Na,” Kit argued. “She took it because I’m better than you. Otherwise she’d have taken your number,” she teased her mother.

 

“You wish, Samurai,” Naomi used Emily’s nickname for Kit. “She took Kit’s number because she loves Kit so much, and that’s the truth,” she affirmed for her aunt.

 

Harry finally found his way into the arena, carrying enough junk food for everyone. “Hello ladies.” He smiled smoothly. “Don’t you look cute,” he nodded at their outfits. “Big fans of that Wildman gal, I see,” he grinned. “I gotta get me one of those, and have KT autograph it,” he said to his wife. “Can I?”

 

Phoebe nodded. “Yes, honey,” she smiled indulgently.

 

Harry distributed popcorn and cotton candy to the younger girls, a kiss for Naomi with a box of nachos, and a big kiss for his wife, along with two scoops of ice cream. “In case you get a craving,” he pointed out. “Man, look at KT,” he breathed. “She has more muscles than a body builder.” His jaw dropped. “She’s in killer shape. How’s her game look, Kit?”

 

“She’s going to kick serious ass,” Kit said confidently. “She’s going to own this game.” She smiled ferally.

 

Naomi took her seat as the horn blared for the players to go to the sidelines, and the international anthem began. Kieran got a standing ovation when her name, position, and number were called. The crowd was on its feet, chanting “Beat LA” before the tip off.

 

The score teetered back and forth, but as Kit predicted, Kieran led all scorers in the first quarter, with ten. She blocked three shots and had two assists and five boards, in addition to her points. Kit switched places with Emily, so she could confer with Naomi on stats and game notes. Kieran had given them strict instructions to take notes on her play, and critique her when it was over.

 

Early in the second quarter, Kieran went up for her first slam dunk of the game, and the opposing power forward on the Sparks took umbrage to the attempt, fouling her hard. Kieran’s head snapped back, and blood flew. Kit tried to get to the floor, it scared her so badly, but Naomi restrained her. “You can’t, Kit,” she hollered over the crowd, which was demanding a flagrant foul call.

 

The ref signaled the flagrant, and the trainers were in Kieran’s face. She lay on her back, trying to clear her head. When she sat up, blood spurted from her forehead, running down her face and soaking her jersey. The team medic had a dermal regnerator, trying to close the gash over her eyebrow. Kieran looked up at the overhead video, which was showing Naomi and Kit, hugging each other, frightened looks on their faces. Kieran looked up to where they were sitting, waving at them and mouthing “I’m okay”.  The wound closed, and the referees got the attendants to wipe up the floor. Kieran had to go to the locker room to get a fresh jersey, discarding the stained one. She had to sit out until the next dead ball.

 

Everytime the power forward for the Sparks touched the ball after that, the crowd booed. When Kieran was put back in the game, she walked over to the player, and the crowd hushed, thinking she was going to deck her.

 

Kieran grinned at her opponent. She leaned over and said something to her, and they both smiled, and shook hands. The crowd groaned in disappointment, wanting a brawl instead. Kieran shook her head, chagrined.

 

Kit only smiled. “She’s going to kill them, now,” she said under her breath. She leaned over to Emily. “You’re about to see a blood bath,” she warned.

 

Emily was shocked. “Kieran? Retaliate?” She couldn’t feature it.

 

“Not physically,” Kit laughed. “She’s going to take them to school,” she said smugly. “One thing I learned about KT from being in practice with her. You never piss her off, because she will make you pay.”

 

The third quarter opened, and Kieran ran up twelve points, all on slam dunks. The crowd was electrified. She tallied another five boards, three assists, and two blocks, and the Fever led by eight. By the fourth quarter, the Fever Coach was trying to convince Kieran to take a spell on the bench, but Kieran was having none of that. “Let me earn my money,” she said to the woman, hands on her hips.

 

The Coach shrugged, and put her in the game. The Fever ran away with the lead, and though Kieran didn’t make it to thirty points, she got a triple double setting up plays for her teammates.

 

Kit and Naomi high fived each other. “I smell Rookie of the Year,” Kit enthused when the game was over.

 

“Easily,” Naomi agreed.

 

Kieran stayed behind after the game, signing autographs for the diehard kids on the sidelines who had waited patiently all night. She let them take pictures with her, wrote on her replica jerseys, even took one kid out to hold him high enough to slam dunk the ball. She didn’t pay much attention to the adults in the crowd, but kids were another matter.

 

The fans thinned out, and Kieran’s friends and family made their way to the floor. “Harry!” She grabbed the dark eyed father-to-be. “It’s great to see you, Starfleet.” She tousled his hair as if he were still a Lieutenant JG. “Phoebe.” She kissed her cheek. “Thanks for coming. Where are my girls?” She grabbed Naomi and Kit, kissing both of them, then Emily too, for good measure. “Did you do my critique, like I asked?” She ruffled Kit’s hair fondly.

 

“Yeah. In three words. You kicked ass.” Kit smiled at her mother.

 

Kieran scowled. “I want specifics, and not praise, kiddo. I have to get better,” she admonished her adopted daughter. “I sucked in the third quarter.”

 

Kit looked at her incredulously. “You missed one shot and you let somebody steal the ball. That hardly qualifies as sucking,” she argued.

 

“I had an unforced turnover, too,” Kieran pointed out.

 

Phoebe leaned over to Naomi. “Is she always this hard on herself?” she asked, shocked.

 

“Nope. This is a good night,” Naomi said honestly. “You should hear her when she’s just mediocre. I guess that’s how you get to be a champion.” Naomi shrugged.

 

“Listen, guys, let me clean up and we can grab some dinner, my treat.” She hugged everyone again. “Think of a place to eat, Kit.” She kissed her daughter’s cheek.  She looked up in the stands and waved. “Hey Seven,” she motioned her down the stairs. “Get down here, you two,” she called up to Lenara and Robin, who were hesitating to join the group on the floor.

 

Kieran gathered the couple into a hug. “Sorry for the sweat.” She wiped Robin’s cheek off. “You guys are family, too, so don’t be hanging back like you’re not sure.” She kissed Lenara’s hair. “I love you both. I’m thrilled that you could come.”

 

Kathryn and Seven had been waiting for the stands to clear so they could make their way to the floor. Noah and B'Elanna were with them, along with Katie, Geejay, and Kelsey. They joined the group momentarily, exchanging hugs with everyone while Kieran went to shower. One of Kieran’s teammates walked into the locker room with her.

 

“I want to know what you said to Kauffman,” she demanded.

 

Kieran laughed. “I said no hard feelings, Camille, but I’m going to have to kick your team’s ass now. And I said, listen, we’ve got kids watching, so let’s be good sports, and shake hands, okay?” Kieran explained. “So she shook my hand, and said ‘bring it on, Wildman.’”

 

“And you did.” Mercer laughed. “She will never take you down again, you can bet,” she howled. “How’s your head?”

 

“Hurts like a mother,” Kieran admitted. “I’m going to see the Doctor. Don’t let my family find out, okay?”

 

“I’ll go out after I shower and tell them you’re doing a press interview, or something, KT.”

 

“Thanks Mercer. Naomi and Kit get worried easily,” she noted.

 

____________________

 

“Wildman,” the team doctor complained, shaking her head, “you should not have been in that game. You’ve got a concussion. Hold still, you fool.” She scowled. “I’m putting you on report to the Coach. You know you have to get checked over for head pain.”

 

“Oh, come on, Jen,” she tried to be charming. “It was a little cut, and the headache just started, I promise.” She crossed her heart.

 

“Uh huh. I still have to write it up,” she argued. “You’ll live. Now get out of my locker room.” She pretended to kick Kieran’s butt as she scampered away.

 

Kieran showered and changed, hurrying to meet her family. It was the last time she’d get to see Kathryn for a long time, as the Captain was assuming her new ship in the morning. Seven and the rest of the crew wouldn’t be shipping out until the full complement was aboard, but Kathryn would be tied up in testing and dry runs for weeks.

 

Kieran came out of the locker room, dressed and freshly washed, enfolding the diminutive Captain in sturdy arms. “Kat,” she said warmly, “I am going to miss you. I can’t believe we aren’t going to be together, anymore.” She was a little choked up. “But I’ll take care of Naomi, for you, and Seven and Geejay until August,” she offered.

 

“I’m counting on it. And when you and yours are ready, I’ll find slots for you all on my ship, Kato. I’ll figure out a way.” She smiled at Harry and Phoebe. “I never thought Mr. Kim would be my next first officer, but since Will Riker has broken him in, I couldn’t resist the temptation to have Phoebe under my boot heel,” she confided.

 

“You’re wicked, Kathryn Janeway,” Kieran scolded. “And that is your best quality.”

 

She nodded. “It is. I’m going to miss you, too,” she added, gazing up at the tall Commander.

 

Kieran grabbed her teenaged daughter, swinging her around. “Where are we eating, Cadet Wildman?” she asked, kissing Kit’s forehead.

“Surf’s Up,” Kit replied. “I need some lobster.” She grinned at her mother.

 

“Okay. Has anyone called for a transport?” Kieran smiled.

 

“Already waiting,” Harry indicated.

 

“Naomi.” Kieran took her wife’s hand. “I’m sorry I scared you tonight. I saw the look on your face.” She kissed her cheek. “I tried to get your attention, to say I was okay,” she apologized. “Did you see me?”

 

“I did,” Naomi agreed. “Thanks. It wasn’t completely reassuring, considering all the blood, but I appreciated the thought.”  She squeezed Kieran’s hand affectionately. “I had to restrain Kit, though,” she added softly. “She was trying to get to you,” Naomi informed her wife.

 

Kieran glanced over at her daughter, reaching for her with her free hand. “Come here, you.” She grabbed Kit’s jersey, tugging her into a one-armed hug. “Did I scare you, kiddo?” she asked fondly, tousling Kit’s hair.

 

Kit’s golden eyes looked frightened all over again. “Yes. It was a lot of blood, Mom,” she pointed out.

 

“I’m truly sorry, sweetheart.” Kieran kissed her hair. “Next time, I’ll duck,” she promised.

 

“No,” Kit argued, “next time, block with your forearm. They’ll never call it an offensive foul, and you’ll spare your head,” she supplied, grinning. “That’s my only criticism of your game,” she added.

 

The restaurant was buzzing with the news that the Indiana Fever’s star player had arrived with a large group. Kieran spoke briefly to the manager, and they were taken to a private banquet room in the back of the restaurant. When they entered, Naomi and Kieran in the lead, a huge party awaited them. The banner over the table read “Happy Anniversary”. The table was adorned with a wedding cake, champagne, and seafood for all of their friends and family. Naomi looked up at her tall spouse, stunned.

 

“You planned this?” she asked.

 

Kieran smiled, stooping to kiss her. “I did. Thanks for the best year of my life.” She took Naomi into her arms, kissing her with much more intent. “So tell me,” she smiled at her wife, leaning her forehead against Naomi’s, “if you had it to do over again, would you?”

 

Naomi pretended to consider. “Absolutely.” She grinned up at her wife, standing on tiptoes to kiss her.

 

“That’s good,” Kieran decided, “because otherwise I’d have to take this back.” She held out her hand, and Kit slipped a package into it so that Kieran could present it to Naomi. “Open it, honey,” she urged.

 

Naomi carefully tore away wrapping paper, finding a small box inside. She lifted the lid, and found ten pairs of tickets within. She read through them, getting more excited with each pair. “Oh, Kieran,” she hugged her wife, “every renowned orchestra in the world is here,” she laughed happily. “Are you really taking me to all these concerts?”

 

“Cross my heart, my beloved,” Kieran said in her ear. “And every concert comes with a two day escape for us. Just you and me, no kids, no relatives, no Starfleet—just hotels, and dinners and walks in Vienna, Paris, Boston, Moscow, Hamburg—and I promise I will make it tediously romantic,” she vowed, kissing Naomi’s hair. “I’m sorry for all the times I neglected you over the last year. It won’t happen again in our married life, Naomi.”

 

“How can you take this much time away?” she looked at the dates.

 

“How can I not?” Kieran returned. “I’m married to the most desirable, most beautiful, and most wonderful woman in the known quadrants. I’m not turning my back for a second, and I’m not going to let you forget how much I love and need you in my life.”

 

“Honey.” Naomi stopped shuffling through the tickets. “This one is tomorrow,” she held up the ticket. “In Venice,” she smiled warmly.

 

“Yeah. Kit and Emily packed our bags for us. They’re in the corner. Guess where we’re going after the party, sweetie? I thought we’d take a gondola ride before bed.” She nuzzled Naomi’s forehead. “Want to see what you’re wearing to the symphony tomorrow night?” Kieran grinned at her.

 

“I’d love to,” Naomi took her hand, leading Kieran over to the clothes rack in the corner of the banquet room where their luggage stood. God, I can only imagine what they came up with.

 

Kieran unzipped the hanging garment bag, and inside was an elegant black formal dress. “Do you like it?”

 

Naomi fingered the fabric. “It’s perfect.” She smiled at her spouse.

 

“It should be. It was designed specifically for you,” Kieran advised her.

 

Kit had followed them over, and said “Don’t forget these, Mom.” She handed Kieran another box.

 

“Oh, right. These go with your dress.” Kieran grinned impishly, opening the case.

 

“Oh my God, you didn’t,” Naomi examined the jewelry inside: a diamond solitaire necklace, matching earrings, and a diamond tennis bracelet. “Kieran, this is extravagant,” she breathed. “But so incredible.”

 

Kieran kissed her softly. “You can thank Sportquench for those,” she said. “That commercial’s royalties alone would buy ten of these.” She smirked. “You’ll be the most stunning woman in Venice, my love. But then you’d be that in jeans and my old sweatshirts,” she laughed. She noted that they were alone for the moment, and kissed her wife soundly. “I love you, Naomi Wildman. Always, and Only You. You’d really marry me again, if we had it to do over?”

 

“I would, in a nanosecond. I’ve never regretted it or doubted it for an instant. Have you?” Naomi gazed into sincere brown eyes.

 

“Never. You are my heart, and my life. You are my soul mate,” she vowed, holding Naomi close.

 

“I didn’t need any messages from the other side to convince me of that. But I did need a bacteria from Restid Three to get me to the altar with you. For all the trouble it caused, I’d still go in those caves again, knowing how this all turned out.”

 

“I’d let you,” Kieran agreed. “Let’s go cut our cake, sweetie. We’re ignoring our guests. Happy Anniversary, my beloved.”

 

“Happy Anniversary, my chosen,” she replied.

 

_______________

 

Epilogue

 

“It was a lovely party, don’t you think?” Seven of Nine unpinned her hair before the mirror of her dressing table, smiling at Kathryn Janeway’s reflected image.

 

“It was,” Kathryn agreed. “And Naomi couldn’t have been more pleased with the gift Kieran gave her. I’m envious, myself,” she admitted. She sighed wistfully, dreading shipping out in the morning. “I don’t want to leave without you,” she said softly.

 

Seven finished brushing her hair out and stood to take her wife in sturdy arms. “I know, but we both agreed, it’s not safe to take Geejay aboard, until the Sato has proven itself in testing. I will go with you, if you want, but Geejay cannot go.” Seven stroked Kathryn’s auburn hair gently, consoling her. “Phoebe would watch her, since she is also unable to go, if that’s what you want, my Kathryn.” She kissed her wife’s temple.

 

Kathryn closed her eyes against the gentle sensation, memorizing it. “No. We already decided, and I shouldn’t change things, at the last minute, just because I’m weak willed. But I am going to miss you, your Borgness. And I love you with all that I am.”

 

“And all I shall ever be,” Seven echoed their wedding vows. “I think, once we are aboard the ship, we should reaffirm our wedding vows in a second ceremony,” she said hopefully.

 

Kathryn smiled up at her. “You do? You feel strongly enough to recommit yourself?”

 

Seven kissed her tenderly. “I feel much stronger now than the first time I married you,” she supplied. “Our marriage is based upon us, now, and not on our relationship with Naomi or with Geejay.”

 

“That would mean the world to me, Seven.” She returned the kiss sweetly, tangling her fingers in Seven’s long blonde hair.

 

“Do you feel strongly enough to take our vows again?” Seven already knew the answer, but wanted to make Kathryn speak her heart.

 

“My love,” Kathryn’s throat closed, “I always have felt that strongly. I never wanted us to be apart, and the time I lived here, without you, was excruciating. I hope I’ve learned to be the things you need, so we never have to be apart again.”

 

Seven touched her cheek, smiling. “You are more what I need now than ever, and I know it has not been easy to learn those behaviors, or to allow yourself such vulnerability. But wasn’t it worth it?”

 

“It was,” she agreed. “You were right to push me, and to demand more of our relationship. You deserve to have what you need, at the very least, and hopefully, everything you want.”

 

“What I need, now,” Seven drew her to their bed, “is for you to love me so well, and so enthusiastically, that I am sated in your long absence from me.” She quirked an eyebrow playfully. “And I want to give you something to think about for the next several weeks, as well.” She reached for Kathryn’s buttons.

 

“That’s a tall order. I guess you weren’t planning on sleeping?” Kathryn laughed deep in her chest.

 

“You can nap in your ready room, once you’ve left orbit.” Seven persuaded with her fingertips, feeling Kathryn’s instantaneous capitulation in the response of her body. “I will sleep tomorrow, after you’re gone. Your mother has already agreed to watch Geejay while I recover.”

 

Kathryn’s eyes widened. “You told my mother you were planning to keep me up all night?”

 

Seven smirked. “I told her I was considering incapacitating you so you cannot leave,” she laughed lightly. “She wished me luck,” she added, wiping away the look of horror on Kathryn’s face with focused caresses and careful nips at her throat. “Are you upset at my frankness?”

 

Kathryn sighed, baring her throat to her wife. “No,” she decided. “I only hope you aren’t clairvoyant, like Naomi.”

 

“Meaning?”

 

Kathryn kissed her passionately. “Meaning, I hope you don’t incapacitate me, darling. If they have to take me aboard the Sato on a stretcher, Harry might never let me live it down,” she grinned.

 

Seven chuckled. “Phoebe is planning to leave him equally exhausted. We have already compared notes,” she warned. “Hopefully, your third in command is single,” she teased.