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-Carly "Charles" Correa "Its a great day to start a fire" -Mr. Von "I've come undone" -anonymous "Stop raping you? But raping you is so much fun!" -Smarterchild (that stupid aim thing that "talks" to you) "Disco blows dogs for quarters, man." -Trip, Detriot Rock City "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society" -Mark Twain "WOO! West Virginia! Can't make babies!" -West Virginian man on Jenny Jones "Stick it to the man" -Jack Black, School of Rock "In January 2003, I recieved an e-mail from a former Michigan resident requesting that I use the term "Michiganders" rather than "Michiganians" when referring to the residents of Michigan" -some guy who wants Northern Michigan to become a new state called Superior "I look like an inflatable fuckdoll!" -Davey Havok "Cancer is such a bitch" -some dude on a message board "Wait, what?" -anonymous "Doesn't that hurt?" -Anna Nicole on suicide bombers "FIVE HOUR ROLL!" -me "Ok, girls, yesterday we went over the myriad of diseases boys can give you. But today, we'll learn the worst disease they can ever give you: PREGNANCY!!" -Mrs. Chokesondick, South Park "Raise the proof" -The Baum "Your pants and your shirt need to have a meeting." -Sra. Cueros "What, are you gonna suck me to death?" -Air Conditioner, The Brave Little Toaster "Damn, Hansel, I can't believe you're not a girl. You're sooo fine!" -Luther, Hedwig and the Angry Inch "I've smoked enough sticky icky icky to keep me high for three lifetimes." -Snoop Dogg "Really? Most people do that regularly" -Mrs. Bhare iwhen I wrote that and irregular change in the body was poo "Why, if only we were all weiner dogs our problems would be solved." -Radio, The Brave Little Toaster "Sure, I could just let myself go and tell the kids I'm pregnant!" -Mrs. Valentekovich when Alex Spear said that her pregnancy was a scam "We're all fat" -Mother "MOO! I'm a whale!!" -Jessica S. "I wish that whenever someone replaced the word 'you' with 'u', a demon appeared and sucked the offending person's bone marrow through their eye sockets. That would be neat." -Sir Hamalot "Ability to molt overrides gender" -Mrs. V "Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood." -Romy, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion "I got Madonna's big dick comin' outta my left ear, and Toby the Jap... I don't know what comin' outta my right." -Mr White, Reservoir Dogs "Poisoned with love." -Blake, on cookies "A bee is magical because it just sits on the pollen and then vomits out honey!" -Mrs. V "When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer, or an employee, who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Everybody jumps. He falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose, nobody says fucking shit after that. You might get some bitch talk shit to you, but give her a look like you're gonna smash her in the face next, watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that's giving you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry. Let's get a taco." -Mr White, Reservoir Dogs "What prompt can we give you that you don't eat in?" -Sra. Cueros " What were you doing [Splinter]?" "Coming.... ...up with a conclusion." -lines from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II "Let's start with comer. Oooh, my favorite verb!" -Sra. Cueros "You're not Mr. Poiple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Poiple. You're Mr. Pink!" -Joe, Reservoir Dogs "Let the music be your master. Will you heed the master's call?" -Robert Plant, "Houses of teh Holy" "This isn't Guatemala, people don't just disappear!" -Lady on Law and Order "People get me down too, but I don't make a big deal about it. I just wait 'till I get home so I can cry in my beer." -Mother "He's not dead, his blood just fell out." -Sister "So many fucktards, so little arsenic." -chick on a message board "I was thinking if only the good die young, then there must be no good old people." -Mr. Matthew Fresta "My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school." -Marla Singer, Fight Club "I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them." -Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket "I think that coat hangers are cheaper than abortion" -Sister "Ahh...the lumbering stride of the overweight youth." -Some dude-on-a-message-board's friend "I don't know who Tony Little is, but yeah, you should have killed him because killing is fun and good for the environment." -Neil "Killing is like water: its the universal solvent." -The combined genious of me an Allison "Some people are alive because killing them is illegal" -Fang Rosenstein "Little does he know that we don't give a shit about him" -Sister, on Max (the thing) "Why is that thing still alive?" -Me, on the thing "Crucify me for Christ's sake*." -Jesus H. Christ &--ten points the one who can figure out what his middle name is *I'm not sure about the reliability of the source "He's too furry to bite." -me, on the thing "If George W. Bush wins the election in November, 2004, and continues to be the President of the United States of America, the whole world will explode in a terrific display of fire and noise followed only by darkness and the screams of a thousand infants crying out for their mothers." -Alan Blevins of johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com "If Asians were Jewish, they'd have everything." -Nicole Vavrek "Rotting is a priveledge saved only for the dead." -Zombie Apocalypse "Nice, selfless people don't restore my faith in humanity, they restore my faith in randomness." -Fang Rosenstein "And these children that you shit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through." -David Bowie that silly douche  Mrs. Ferron's inherent hilarity "You're a Lared today!"
"I'll see you guys after snake."
"They don't wanna knock you down, they'll do everything they can to knock you up."
"...fleg..."
"Sorry Jun. Aloha! That means hello and goodbye in Hawaii but if you really are from Hawaii you pronounce it HaWai EEE!"
"If we wanna buy an apple, we want one"
"oh oh!"
"...Leditors to the editor."
Mrs. Ferron's Vocablary
Do you have any quotable quotes? If so, email me, woman. |
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