JULY 6 She’s Here!
The trainers brought us all in to the dayroom at 11:30. They talked to us about what to do and not do when we meet our dogs. Its common sense really then they announced who was getting what. Mel got a golden retriever lab cross (goldador) named Ducett. Pat got a male goldador named Charley. Sawnya got Betsy, a yellow lab female. Stephanie got a yellow male named Buck, Karin a yellow male named Corky, Joe a male goldador named Beau, Mike a male goldador named Ned, and Jeremy has Wellington, a yellow male. I got a black lab female Named Ellie. She came right to me when I called her and then rushed off to sniff the room thoroughly. I got down in front of her and she licked me. She is of course black with short fur which ripples down her back. She is so small! She was really excited at first sniffing everything Every time she hears Katie or Chuck in the hall she'd rush to the door and stand totally still. We went out 1 at a time to relieve and then back inside to hang out some more. At 4 we had a lecture just more on dos and don'ts and having realistic expectations and so on. We then went out to obedience ally and practiced heeling for a bit. She's doing a bit of pulling out in front of me, but is responding to my light leash corrections not to verbal no’s yet though. I didn't eat dinner. I went to the dining room sat down and was overwhelmed with exhaustion. I couldn't even get up the energy to lift my spoon so I went to bed. Kate woke me up for mandatory relieve at 7, we have 1 more at nine, then it will be shower and bed. I think I'll go find something to drink. Good night. Shelly and Ellie

JULY 8 First routes & more
Yesterday morning we had a lecture from a fire safety instructor about well, fire prevention and safety. It was a huge waste of time! I felt like I was in grade school again! Although judging by the questions some of the students asked it was a needed. Just after that we had a fire drill. Ellie wasn't bothered at all by the loud noise nor by all of us moving quickly together. Just before lunch I worked Ellie for the first time. She was slow and hesitant needing several reminders to get moving. Chuck uses ‘hup-up’ an old habit from his Guiding Eyes days, but she responds to it. It’s nice to have a speed up command already known by my dog. It was extremely hot so taking that and my foot in to consideration we cut the route a bit short. The route by the way is down a cement trail lined with bushes trees and grass. It goes by the kennels where the in-for- training dogs live. It takes about 5 minutes or so to walk. Yesterday afternoon we didn't walk due to the heat. We had a new classmate arrive yesterday. Apparently 1 of the students scheduled for this class broke her foot, so they filled her spot with the new student, but Marty need to pack and arrange transportation so she couldn't come till yesterday. She also has her new dog which she got late in the afternoon. She retired her previous dog in the morning and was matched by the afternoon. I could never do that. Her new girl is a yellow lab named Haggan. She plans to changed her name once she gets home. I think its weird that she can't change it here especially since she's only changing it to Megan, but they've asked her not to. Lecture yesterday covered several topics voice inflection, praise and correction and straight line concept. And the end we have time for questions and answers and that can get long. We did obedience twice yesterday. Ellie displayed some stubbornness in going from a down to sit and got a couple hard corrections. Today was much better though. We've been taught stay and the hand signals for sit down and stay. Ellie is a good stayer except when I'm asking to sit stay as I exit a door waiting for me to call her through. I only do this when I'm carrying something and its difficult to switch her. She's still having a bit of trouble pulling at heel. This morning route also on the nature trail involved quite a bit of walking me in to the grass and several unnecessary stops. I was told to correct her forward a few times. She is very responsive moving on almost Immediately. She seems to really want to please me. On the way down she didn't stop for a broken piece of sidewalk. Chuck gives you warning so you don't trip on it. On the way back she took me in to the grass around the broken spot and right back on the sidewalk! That was cool. Either way stopping to show me or moving around is correct I just thought it was cool that she totally avoided it. So far, I'm really pleased with Ellie. She is affectionate and calm but can be playful bouncing around and wagging like crazy. Kate says she's listening well to me and that we are doing well. She also said in the same conversation that I'm a much improved handler from last year and that I seem much more confident. She's right I am both things. Not trying to brag but it was nice to have someone else notice. Guess that's all to say for now. I need to run and get money they are doing a store run in case we get the power knocked out this weekend. Shelly and Ellie who just loves going under tables.

JULY 8 Questions answered
Thanks to all of you who've written. My email program is not allowing me to answer privately for some reason, but I'm reading them all. To show that I'm reading them all I will now answer questions. The rooms are still double rooms. There are 4 of us rooming - me and Amy and 2 other girls. Everyone else is alone. They are trying to keep class sizes smaller for more individual instruction. The retrains are Stephanie, Sonya, Marty and myself and Amy who is refresher. All 5 of us work with Chuck. The rest with Kate and Katie, not sure if it will stay that way next week. I'm so sorry I didn't explain what a Juno walk is. Gosh how forgetful of me! A juno walk is a walk the student and instructor take where the instructor holds one end of an empty harness and the student holds the other. The instructor moves at different speeds pulling harder or softer. They test to see you correct with the leash. They use this combined with the practice dogs, an interview, and just observing your overall orientation to decide which dog you will receive. Well, I want to take a shower and its getting late, so I better scoot. Shelly and Ellie resting comfortably at my feet

JULY 9 More Nature Trail
Friday we did the nature trail twice. The morning route involved a few reminders to over left making her keep me in the center of the sidewalk and a rework of the broken sidewalk places. Her pace was again quite slow. But in the afternoon she picked up to a wonderful brisk walk. She also kept me very centered needing only 1 reminder. She did not stop for the broken sidewalk, but Chuck told me not to work it. He said that because her pace had finally picked up and she was keeping me on the sidewalk that we'd let it go for now. I think its really different here how you don't always correct every error right away. I don't know of another school that has you hold off in the beginning like this. This morning we did a slightly longer route. She had a marvelous pace and pull we did go off the sidewalk in to the grass a few times. The sidewalk doesn't have an edge so I'm not falling just stepping in grass. Instead of stopping at the broken sidewalk Ellie has been choosing to take me in to the grass and then back on the sidewalk. This as I mentioned in another entry is fine, but I'd like her to stop to alert me to the change in surface. Chuck said we can work on that on our next route out there. Today we began working doubles. We work the route with a partner alternating who leads. I went with Amy and we had a blast! We walk at the same pace. At one point Ellie and Thomas were side by side working wonderfully. On this particular route there were a ton of dogs out in the kennel yard. They were running! And barking! And providing a wonderful distraction! Both dogs got pretty interested and we both had to do to some reworks. Ellie is very responsive to my commands. I just love that she almost always goes into whatever position I've asked for on the first request. If not then a "no!" gets a result. She needed a few corrections today for wanting to go towards the food containers while heeling back from the relief area, but it doesn't take much. She wants to lead me in the building. She knows the routes we walk and she wants to pull me in the right direction. She's even body blocked me so I don't hit things. We never work them in the building by the way as its there off duty time. Its kind of fun to see to see her do it. We had playtime this afternoon, but she wasn't interested in playing. She just lay down on the ground after chasing a rope a few times and trying to chew it. Gotta go they are showing a movie I want to see.

JULY 9 Rest of the entry
Friday afternoon we had a presentation from someone from the police department about personal safety, all aspects of it. It was pretty much common sense stuff and was very boring and long! The training lecture was on handling suspicion and aggression. We also covered teaching the find command and how to do country travel. Apparently country travel was going to be the route today, but the rain caused us to stick with the short nature trail. On Monday we will begin learning a route out to the bus that involves the use of landmarks, objects that we will have the dogs find to help us tell where we are at. The movie we watched was called More Than Puppy Love and is about a family raising a puppy for Kansas specialty dogs alternating with showing the family that eventually received the service dog. It was pretty good. Oh speaking of puppy raisers, I learned my Ellie was raised in Southeastern’s Impact program, a program where prisoners raise and begin the training of the pups. Well, its time to raid the vending machines again. Amy and I did that last night and it was fun. We sat outside for quite a while just talking and goofing off. We are getting along really, really well. I have mostly been hanging out with her or just being alone. Many of my classmates have been hanging out in the day room or on the porch, but I haven't wanted to join them. They seem fine, but beginning next week we will stuck together at the downtown training center all day, so I figure we'll have more enough to be together. I hope they don't think I'm totally antisocial LOL I'm only slightly antisocial. Grin - good night all.

JULY 11 A Hard Day
Hey all, I survived today on about 5 hours sleep. Last night Amy and I began talking about 11:30. We had a very deep emotional conversation. It was needed and helpful but draining. I don't think the tiredness I felt all day and my inability to nap helped with things today. At this point in class we usually spend our first day off campus working in a small town nearby, but due to class starting late and because not all the students had been cleared to independently travel the trail we all stayed here today. I was very frustrated with this and by the slowness with which routes were done. It took 3 hour for 2 people and get 11 students out on routes. The route is only about 10 minutes long, 20 if you do the long version, which most students didn't do. I just hate the hurry up and wait crap! I worked doubles with Amy for the first route of the morning. We walked the nature trail, part of the freedom walk. I screwed up our first attempt at street crossing and Ellie caused us to do several reworks not stopping for broken side walk and such. I'm starting to have the all to familiar doubts. Will her work smooth out? Will I ever stop screwing up? Kate says they picked her for me because she "damn near perfect." I know it takes time but... She also says Ellie doesn't seem stressed and really seems to want to be with me. Later in the morning I soloed the nature trail. Fun! Fun! We only had 1 rework that time. That afternoon Amy and I were hanging in my room when Katie came and told Amy they wanted to meet with her in the trainers office. Amy is here with her guide Thomas to work on some issues like Thomas's grabbing food and things like that. The trainers told Amy they had another dog for her if she wanted to switch. So now she's in the exact same situation I was in not to long ago and it hurts to watch! This afternoon I so wanted to break down and cry, but I wouldn't let myself. I should have. it would've been ok to cry in private. But nope I had to lose it in front of the trainer. It was at the end of obedience and I walked off in the wrong direction. Katie stopped me and turned me around and I said I was feeling really frustrated, that I thought I was going the right way and she said that if I'd been going the right way I would've been touching the railing. I went really tense and started crying. Katie told me to take a deep breath and get together. I walked away. I went to my room and wept for a long time. For Amy for Thomas, and yes though I hate to admit for myself and my loss of Radar. Katie came to see if I was ok. I told her I was emotional about Amy and we talked about my own experience a bit and her sadness brings back mine. She said that I could be sure she'd be crying at home tonight. How sweet!! When she left I cried a bit more washed my face and went to dinner. It was a good thing to chicken parmesan, garlic bread, salad, and apple pie. I ate way too much. Melody, Amy and I, the terrific trio, walked the nature trail together. It was so much fun talking and laughing about nothing. Both Melody and I were having to rework and several times and we said "over left" at the same time and then we'd crack up. Laughing felt very good. The other frustration of the day is one that has been building slowly. The place they've set up for our dogs to do business is a gravel area with a fence around it. Well Ms. Ellie hates those rocks! I mean she really hates those rocks! She plants her paws on the cement and will not move. They trainers say if she doesn't respond to encouragement to pull her along with me so I have been. She does her best to get back to cement as soon as possible, even pulling/lunging and nearly knocking me off balance. She was a bit hesitant at first but it seems to get worse as the days go by. I mentioned to Chuck who had to come on duty tonight so the other staff person could take a patient to the hospital, that if the school believed in it I’d used treat reinforcement to get her to come without being pulled. He said that if I ended up with a couple pieces of kibble in my pocket he wouldn't say anything. So if I can find some way of getting to the food dish without being seen I'll give that a try. She’s been testing me in her basic obedience a bit today as well. Refusing to sit or sit/stay when asking. It was funny - I was in the restroom and put her in a sit stay in front of me. I had to correct her twice for breaking it. Then I turned to wash my hands - I didn't hear her move but when I turned around I heard her bounce up from a down position LOL. We had a contest this morning for which dogs could stand sit or down the fastest during obedience and Ellie won for fastest down LOL. I found out tonight on the website that she was born august 4, 2003. My sweet girl is just a baby yet - grin. In so many ways she acts older, but this does explain the puppy mouthyness I experience when she's really wound up. Well, I'm going to take myself off to shower and bed. Shelly and sweet Ellie

JULY 12 Short work, Long day
This morning Amy retired Thomas. I hurt for her! I've been there, felt what she feels and it is so hard! She has been matched with another black lab named Toby who is Ellie's brother. They seem to be doing well. We went to the town of Bradenton about 20 minutes away on the school busses. For this first trip we were asked to have our dogs sit to maintain better control. Most of the dogs wanted to go down, so the whole spent ride was a constant chorus of "sit." "No - sit." "Good dog now stay." "No I said sit." It was frustrating and humorous all at once. The downtown training center is a small building with chairs and TV and radio and such. The route we did yesterday was done individually, so there was a lot of waiting and very boring. In the morning I spoke with a grief counselor the school brought in. She will be here 1 other time during the class. We talked for a half hour. Many of us wanted to see her 6 of us in fact. Several of us have retired dogs very recently and a couple are dealing with recent blindness. We talked about not allowing myself to become overwhelmed by my grief over my retired Radar because it will prevent me from bonding with Ellie. The route was a 2 block route with a couple rounded corners and 1 offset curbs. I wish we could start off doing straight street crossings so I could get used to the way she crosses when its perfectly obvious where she should head. The afternoon route was 2 blocks in the other direction. The morning route was ok. Ellie got a good pace going. She messed up the offset crossing. In the afternoon she did not want to go. She didn't want to put the harness on. She did get moving fairly well at 1 point, but stopped frequently. One thing that's frustrating me is that Chuck instead of telling me to give a command, he is just saying it. Or telling me to say it and saying it with me. This has been happening since the start. At first I thought it was just because she knew him more than me and it would kind of help both of us, but now I want her to start responding just to me. Lecture was about how to work your dog indoors. It covered following another person, and working your dog as you are being guided by a sighted person. Or should I say proper heeling of your dog while you are being guided. We also talked about the importance of being quiet and not giving hard corrections because the public is watching. I did laundry this evening. And seemed to have only washed a few shorts and I've got some shorts lying around that missed the laundry. It was a boring day! I wish we were taking longer trips or at least working doubles so we could get out more. Chuck says it’s because of the heat and trying to keep the stress level down for the dogs. As far as I know, no other school keeps the first trips so stinking short. I hate all the down time we have. We finished feeding this morning at 7:30 but we have a half hour of nothing before obedience. The same is true after lunch a half hour between the end of lunch and the start of routes. It just so much nothing. Its like lets get moving! I guess I'll go. Shelly and Ellie

JULY 13 Spending money and the night walk
Hi all, I was just too tired by the time we got in last night to write. Yesterday morning we went to Walmart. We waited at McDonalds while the trainers took us 1 by 1 through the store. We practiced heeling our dogs while someone pulled the cart, having the dogs follow the trainer, and working them solo in the store. My dog was amazing. She did a couple of attempts to sniff in the beginning, but then picked up a marvelous pace. I could feel her weaving me around things. Rita who worked with me told me each time we went around something. It felt so awesome moving through not hitting things or humans. I got pretty emotional, but this time they were positive ones. It was just so, so cool. I told Rita it was so awesome I thought I might cry. She said "You are happy aren't you?" I didn't trust my voice so I just smiled. In case you wondered I bought cheddar munchies and a bone. Everyone seemed thrilled with the trip and the bus trip back to campus was lively! We had the afternoon off. I really wish we hadn't. None of us would die from three short routes in a day! I just hung out, read, and went to the gift shop. I had a great time looking around. I bought a book about puppy raising written from the perspective of the puppy. There are several of these types of books, but this one actually was a puppy at southeastern. It is a picture book for k through third grade. They also have a stuffed dog in harness or you can buy just the dog. The harnesses aren't very well made and I'd like to look around a bit to see if I can find a better positioned dog with a better harness. However this is the only school that has collies in harness. The collie is so soft and cuddly and his little face feels just like Radar, my first guide. I haven't bought him yet, as I need to make sure I have enough money for the lunches out we will do a few days next week, but if I have enough left I will buy that 20 dollar collie and of course name him Radar. At 7 pm we boarded the busses and headed the DTC for night routes. The night routes serve different purposes - for those who have some sight it shows them that the dogs will guide well in the dark. Sometimes people depend on the sight they have and do some of the dogs work for them and working at night can help you figure out if that's happening. It also gives you a sense of how your dog may behave differently at night. There are different smells and things look different at night to the dogs. We did obedience outside. We played Simon Says which was fun. It’s just nice to have some variation. Obedience gets very old very quickly. We went out individually working the same route we did the day before. Ellie was very interested in her shadow. LOL. She did a good job. I screwed up a street crossing because I didn't feel her moving me. We are going to try a shorter harness handle. There's to much extra jingle and bounce in this one. Hopefully that will help me feel her movements. We returned to campus at 11 and went right to bed. Now we are waiting to begin routes.

JULY 14 Awesome Obstacle Course
Today we stayed on grounds. The trainers set up several obstacles along the puppy raiser route - a route of 3 (or is it 4? Can't remember) blocks with different types of curbs. They had a table, a bench, a bag of trash, a hose, and a chair with dog toys piled on it. In the morning she sniffed at the toys, but a “hup up” got her moving and she flew through the rest of the obstacles. Chuck took some pictures during this route. I hope they came out ok. In the afternoon she did awesome obstacles and only missed one curb. We didn't rework it because of the heat. Lecture tonight was about how to work your dog around obstacles, just sort of a review of the day. We also practiced putting on the choke collars correctly and talked about the different types of chains a bit. I just got back from walking the trail with Amy and Melody. Ellie missed the drop in the sidewalk. We reworked it twice and she got it on the second try. The way back only needed one “over left”. The pace was perfect! We were way ahead! Good girl Ellie! So there you go. Short and sweet. Shelly and Speedy Ellie

JULY 15 Traffic checks and Bath
Well, if Ellie were writing this post (and you never know when she might get brave enough to introduce herself) she would say this has been a stressful day. This morning we returned to the DTC to work a route with traffic checks. A southeastern instructor drives a vehicle clearly marked as a southeastern guide dogs car. As the team travels down the sidewalk the driver pulls in to an out of driveways. The dog stops the handler from moving forward. He also drives at us as we cross a street. Today we had 5 checks in all and Ellie did beautifully! After lunch we gathered in the dayroom for 1 of my favorite parts of guide dog training, the reading of the puppies biographies. Guide dog puppies are specially bred here at southeastern. When they are 9 weeks old they go to the home of someone who will raise them for around 18 months. This can be more or less depending on the dogs breed and how quickly they mature. The puppies go everywhere with the raiser and the raiser plays a big part in making these dogs who they are today. The raiser writes a few paragraphs about themselves and the puppy. Some are short and simple with little emotion. Others had us all fighting tears. Or in some cases not just all out crying. My dog as I mentioned earlier was raised in a prison. On the weekends she went to stay with a family who could provide with some additional socialization opportunities. It was this person who wrote Ellie's bio. They said they enjoyed sharing their family with Ellie. They loved taking her on nature walks and out to restaurants. They will be attending puppy raiser day tomorrow. I'm really, really happy about this since it turns out I will not with not be able to speak with Ellie's other raiser on the phone as I had hoped. They are trying to get her to write a letter to me, but don't know if she will. I really hope she does. I'm really curious to know what Ellie’s life was like there. I know they are able to take them out once a week and sometimes more for exposures, but I have no idea what that actually means. I hope I can learn a bit more. After hearing the bios we had down time while the staff had a meeting. Then we had more down time because it would be a bad to bathe dogs in a thunder storm. But finally we were able to. Ellie wasn't thrilled with the bath, but she tolerated it. She feels so soft now! I love it!

JULY 16 Puppy Raiser Day
Following the normal routine of relieving the dogs, and feeding both the humans and the dogs, we went to a pleasantly shady spot on campus for group and individual pictures. We just hung out on the porch while the puppy department had a meeting with the raisers inside. It seemed to take forever for them to come out and tell us to harness our dogs. The route involved 4 crossings and several turns. Chuck stayed beside Amy and I got very little direction. I was doing fine until we got up to head to the gate and then boom!! Nervousness swept over me. Chuck kept on telling me to relax and breathe for the first block or so. When I saw how well Ellie was doing I relaxed. My girl did awesome!! She stopped at all curbs, made perfect crossings and pulled me over before I stepped off the edge of the sidewalk. It was another moment of feeling so happy that I almost started to cry. When we returned to the porch a volunteer came and sight guided us through the crowd to meet our raisers. They were nervous that Ellie wouldn't recognize them, but of course she did! She was 1 happy puppy! All 4 members of the family, Tina and her 3 teenage daughters came. We had a pleasant time chatting. They told me lots about Ellie and experiences she has had. I could go on forever about it, but I won't. But of course if you want to hear it... just email me. We ate lunch together, spent some time in the gift shop, and then they left. It was an exciting but emotional morning for everyone involved.

July 16 Lazy Busy Day
This morning was lazy. On Sunday we sleep in 1 hour and I was grateful for it. I spent most of the morning listening to music and reading. Amy and I did walk the trail once. This afternoon I went through the music on Amy's laptop so she could burn me some CD's. She's got some great stuff! After afternoon feeding during which I almost fell in the dog food barrel (LOL These dogs eat a lot of feed and it’s getting down to the bottom of the barrel.) We all went to the dining room where we had a workshop on dog health. We learned about normal pulse and how to take it, temperature and respiration. We were shown how to help a dog who is choking and how to do CPR. We practiced both these things on a demo dog. I got his lungs expanded on the first try. We covered a bit about allergies. We learned to clean ears and brush teeth. Ellie was good for both. I didn't get her teeth too good, but I didn't concern myself with it. It’s her first time having me doing me this, but for a first time it went well. We were also shown how to use a waterless wipe to bathe them. We were given really nice bags with multiple pockets. Each bag was filled with stuff for the dogs - a bone, a brush, collapsible bowl, flea and heartworm prevention medicine, and for the humans, hand sanitizer. It was really, really informative. After that we made ice cream sundaes, heeling our dogs through the line as we made them. It was yummy!! Melody and I went for a walk this evening during which Ellie needed several ‘hup-ups’ as she was watching something off to our left and one (but only one) ‘over’ and she stopped at all the curbs. I think with time she and I will be a super team. I've been a bit sad today as it is Radar's third birthday. I've been missing him. I hope he's doing well. At one point I was really sad and I got down next to Ellie and she leaned in to me with her head over my shoulder pressing up really close. It was so sweet and a big help. As much as I miss Radar, I'm thrilled with my special girl. I hope and pray that nothing will end our partnership prematurely. I think it would be worse in some ways than parting with Radar because she's just such a good little girl. I didn't think she'd find her place in my heart so quickly. Now I just have to learn to balance loving her and loving Rade, enjoying her and missing Rade. It’s hard, but God has been near me today. Shelly

JULY 18 Frustrating Day
Today we went to the DTC. We did 2 routes involving fairly busy streets with lights and such. The routes were 9 blocks. It was good to have a longer route. It was garbage day so between that and wanting to sniff the flowers Ms. Ellie got herself several corrections. She did good on her crossings all but one. The afternoon route was better than the morning. Chuck complimented me on my handling of her. It was very, very hot! I heard the radio say 95 was the forecasted high and I'm sure we reached it and with the humidity, ugh!! I wanna go home!! For more reasons than the weather. We all are suffering from third week syndrome. Everyone is starting to get on one another’s nerves. Since the beginning there has been tension among some of the classmates and there have been a few spats, but today was bad! I was involved in 2 of them. Its me Melody and Amy in a kind of group and then about 5 others in another with the rest of the class just um observing. I'm not deliberately excluding anyone and there have only been a couple of times where I was purposely rude LOL don't you all love my honesty. Anyway Melody, Amy and I are friends. We like to be together and goof around and some classmates don't like that for a variety of reasons. This year there has been quite a bit of rumors and gossiping. Its just really annoying. I wish I were leaving Friday with the other retrains. The heat has drained me of energy I'm sleepy and its not even 7 PM. I need to finish my laundry and then I think I'll just fall asleep reading or something. Shelly and exhausted Ellie

July 19 Draining Day
Today our class went to the St. Pete beach. Last year this was my favorite day of training, but this year its a different story. Ms. Ellie pulled harder than normal and moved faster too. She wanted to be away from the water so pulled me up to where the sand was quite deep and not evenly packed. It made walking difficult. When I did bring her down towards the water she spun away from even the lightest spray from the waves. I was frustrated and then my legs began my legs began to cramp. I turned around and went back in to the building where I just sat. I would've gone out again, but none of us were able to as the heat had really gotten to the dogs. I think maybe southeastern should consider not holding summer classes since this heat or the hurricanes make us miss a lot of work. Anyway, we ate lunch at the beach - salami sandwiches, the only good part of the day grin. The afternoon was free. Lecture was on returning home with your dog since we have some retrains leaving this weekend they are covering it now. It covered a ton of stuff most of which was common sense nothing I hadn't heard last year. The need to keep up obedience, keeping the first few days light, not allowing family or friends to pet the dog, keeping the dog on tie down or leash, and the common sense things like not switching food all at once, maintaining a good relief schedule etc. It was the longest lecture so far, lasting an hour. Most of them have been a half hour or so. I walked the trail once and it went well, but I'm frustrated by how much rattling there is in my harness I almost have to hold the handle up in the air to feel her without the movement of the harness and the noise of it disrupting my reading of her motions. I've mentioned it a few times and we switched harness handles twice. Its helping but not completely. The atmosphere in class was a little better. Things got bad last night with a blow up between a few people. This morning we had a lecture from Chuck about respect for each other and the instructors. Welcome back to elementary school! I really, really wish I were leaving this Friday with the rest of the retrains. I'm so sick of people! I want my own home! And my own routine. I want to buy a package of starbursts only to open them and find they are half melted. Crap I wrote that wrong and can't edit it damn yahoo. That's another thing... I want my computer!! Damn these computers suck! The heat is so draining! I sleep but it doesn't feel like I'm sleeping. I've got ten more days. Its going to crawl by!!

JULY 20 Traveling Tampa
Today was long and hot but very helpful. For Tampa day we are partnered up and extra trainers are brought in so we can all walk at the same time. Amy and I were thrilled to learn we'd be working with the director of training Rick Holden. We'd both worked with him a bit the previous time we here and enjoyed it. Rick is an amazing trainer. He gave me a great deal of useful advice like being more assertive about checking the space around me with my hand and foot to see why my dog is stopping. I always check, but I'm kind of timid about it and don't always search wide enough. We talked a lot about body alignment and always checking to make sure Ellie isn't turning me gradually. He also helped me figure out that the reason my harness has felt so off is that I'm walking up too far towards her shoulder. I need to slow down and stay more behind her. When I do this it is uncomfortable for me because I have to take short slow strides, but when her pace picks up its comfortable. Hopefully she will keep a good pace in the good cool temps of Washington state. We worked in a building doing elevator work and navigating crowded hallways and revolving doors. We ate at a great restaurant called Fort Watch and stopped to buy smoothies before getting on the bus. I had strawberry and peanut butter at Amy's recommendation and it was so good. Like eating peanut butter and jelly in liquid form. Ellie and I both have things we need to work on before we are a smooth working team, but I believe that eventually we will get there.

JULY 21 Eating All Day Long and Nightwalk
This morning we had free time (something we have entirely too much of) until ten when we loaded the busses for the mall. A few students had the chance to walk around a bit. We had to go 1 at a time and I didn't end up getting to walk, so I bought pizza. It was a huge slice covered with pepperoni! We will go back after our trip to the vet for lunch and some walking time, so I will get to see how Ellie does in the mall. I was bored and frustrated. We came back to campus and had guess what down time until 1 PM. At that time we went to a lunch put on for us by the board of directors. All the staff and board members and of course all of us students were there. It was a huge lunch; hamburgers, hotdogs, different salads, baked beans, and 3 different kinds of pie. We had live music, Chuck on guitar and Rick on harmonica, which was fun. I was thrilled to find myself sitting next to Debby Grubb, a board member who was a great support during the retirement of Radar. I also got to see Heidi briefly. We had nothing planned the rest of the afternoon besides feeding the dogs. We had pizza ordered in for dinner. So I am feeling completely full. I am going to go find someone who wants to walk the trail because I can't just sit around here all afternoon oops evening. LOL Shelly

July 23 The past day and a half
Yesterday morning we took the dogs to the vet for an end of class Physical, which of course found them all healthy. Ellie is 66 pounds and is the third smallest in the class. The smallest is Ducett at 63. The biggest is a female named Corky who is 86. We went from the vet to the Bradenton mall. I walked with trainer Katie for a while, eventually making our way to Radio Shack where I found headphones on sale for 5 bucks which sounded marvelous. We got back to the food court and I bought another piece of that yummy pizza! Then Melody, Amy and I got ready to head out into the mall. Chuck came and got Melody to do escalators, something I chose to skip because I hate them! So Amy and I went wandering - we got lost at least 3 times but it was great fun. Melody joined us after a bit. We walked for about an hour and both Ellie and I were tired by the end. Chuck said I worked her too much! Amy left soon after we got back to campus. It is different without her here. Joe and Sawnya have also left which brings us down to 7 students. At around 2:30 I had the pleasure of meeting my friend Kim who had stopped by to have a trainer help her with some of the guide work issues she and Rufus were having. We talked for about a half hour before I had to go feed Ellie. She got very hyper seeing Rufus. During obedience that morning we had our dogs in a sit stay when a trainer brought a strange dog through. Ellie bounced up but plopped back down when I gave her a correction. Yesterday we also had the distractions of tennis balls, a plastic bottle rolling around and the trainer walking close by trying to get their attention. This morning I feel asleep after breakfast. Katie was not happy. Our route this morning was along a dirt road just off campus. Sidewalkless work is slow! Every few feet you stop, ask the dog to find the curb on the left or the right, which ever one you happen to be trying to follow. Ellie and I worked both with the curb on our left, which she did well at and on the right. She wasn't as good on that side, but most of her training was left side walking. After a few reminders involving corrections she seemed to be getting the hang of it. We also practiced crossing the road. Now we are off for the day. Soon it will be lunch yum grilled cheese everyone else is having hamburgers, but after 12:30 I'll be off if anyone wants to call or whatever.

JULY 24 Stuff
Creative aren't I? First off, because a few of you wrote asking for my phone number here it is 9417295665 ext 207 Several of you asked about Ellie's puppyhood. As I wrote before she was raised in the impact program and went to an exposure home on the weekends. The exposure family is who I got to meet on puppy raiser day. Tina is a single parent with 3 teenage girls who all sounded like they loved taking care of Ellie. Tina is the manager of a brick yard and took Ellie there sometimes. They also said they liked taking her on long walks. They did the typical exposures like stores and stuff. They breed labs so Ellie was around a lot of puppies. They told me what I was suspecting - that she's not much of a retriever and would rather play with other dogs than people. They said she was a calm, flexible dog who didn't seem stressed by much. Tina got to meet the prisoner who raised Ellie during the week at a graduation ceremony held for the impact dogs and said she seemed like a nice sweet lady who loved Ellie. Speaking of puppies we get to play with some this afternoon. Should be fun! I'm totally bored! I hate weekends around here. Weekends and evening - they just drag.

JULY 26
First an update on today then on to stuff of more importance, at least to me right now. We went to Serra Sota to an outdoor shopping mall type place. The route takes you in a complete circle passing several shops and crossing a busy street. Due to my left veer, I pushed Ellie left in the street and panicked. Chuck has me saying straight, straight as I'm crossing the street. Hopefully she will get the message that no matter what my body does, I want to go straight across the road! It seemed to help. Even though we got an early start there by 9 AM, by the time I finished my route I was hot! With the heat index it was 110 today! I got sick it was so damn hot! This afternoon we just did the freedom walk. A short walk on campus that we'd done a couple before this class. I got frustrated while doing the nature trail as Ellie didn't stop for the break in the sidewalk. I also tripped off a high point in the sidewalk because she had me too far to the right. This has me frustrated. Now before you all write me back, let me tell you I know we are new, she is new, and that you can't expect perfection because she's a living being, but I'm getting a little concerned. I mean at home there are real curbs to fall off of not just slight drop offs in the sidewalk. Right now she gets them every other trip, remembering to stop and always gets them on a rework. But the thought of reworking a high curb after I've fallen doesn't thrill me. I'm worried I won't have enough people to help me walk with her and that this will take as long and as much help as it took Radar. Mentioning it at dinner got me a lecture from a classmate, which was backed up by comments from Katie, not what I needed right then. I'm starting to feel really scared. I'm afraid this was a big mistake and that I'm just in for more heartbreak. And speaking of heartbreak, I got an email from radar's raiser. She has placed him with a new owner. It is a lady who is deaf. They are hoping that he will eventually be able to alert her to sounds like someone calling on the phone or a doorbell. He's a smart boy - I'm sure he'll pick it up. She said they seemed to bond right way. I'm glad he will have a job, but I wish it could be guiding me. He loved it, I loved him and I want him back. I love Ellie, but right now I just want to cuddle my collie dog! Shelly

JULY 27 Lots of Nothing
Hi all, yesterday morning we went to Serra Sota to the number 1 beach in the country for 2005. No I don't remember its name and yes it was a nice beach. We walked along a dock which was nice and cool and it was fun to hear the waves. We walked a bit on the beach as well and it went well this time. We were going to eat there, but it was too hot so we came back to campus. The afternoon was down time. We were going to go to an ice cream shop, but that didn't end up happening. That was fine with me as I didn't feel like being around people or eating ice cream. I had a tough afternoon. I was feeling sad about Radar and a little overwhelmed. I had a long conversation with Katie who said she is concerned about me going home with Ellie because of all the baggage I have from Radar's experience. She asked me to really think about if a dog is right for me at this time. I didn't have to think very hard (grin). I wrote a big long thing in my LJ which I don't think I can post here but might try later. It dealt with the fears I have and how I'm choosing to respond to them by remembering the resources available to me. I also talked to Katie about later. She said her only concern with me going home is how concerned I am. It sort of frustrates me. I mean I feel like I should be able to talk about my concerns with coming home and my grief over Radar. I mean both are real and valid. I should feel supported here, and if they really were concerned about me getting another dog right now, shouldn't they have told me that before I came down? I mean I talked about all this on the phone with Katie, Heidi, and Rick. It’s not new! And since they are telling me I can go home if I choose, then I'm choosing to go home and make this work. And with that said I'm heading in to the dining room to sign my contract that will make Ellie my dog!

JULY 27 My LJ Post
Hi guys, the first part will be a bit of a repeat sorry bout that. Just to clarify… I'm not saying I don't think they should've talked with me about their concerns. Not at all! But perhaps we could've had it earlier. I now don't feel safe talking about my concerns and that shouldn't happen here. I'd worked through all these things before coming to class, but because I'm a bit obsessive (grin - ok a lot of obsessive), and I frequently need to talk my way back through things. They don't know that about me, so it would be easy to see that as just being too hyper focused or something. Anyway here's the LJ post: Last night I found out that Radar was placed by his raiser with a woman who is deaf. She says they seemed to have bonded well and she is hopeful about what might happen. Since then I've been sad - like really sad. I spent the morning fighting depression even though I had a good walk with Ellie along a dockand a short beach walk. When we finished lunch I ended up talking with Katie about the sadness over Radar. She stated that she has some concerns about me returning home with Ellie because I seem to have so much baggage from Radar. She said that she felt that the timing just might not be right emotionally. I was surprised to hear her say this - although I suppose that some of the things I've said could cause a person to be concerned. I really didn't feel a lot of doubt until yesterday - I mean nothing major, but it all just sort of hit last night with a boom! I still feel the feelings I was feeling before. I'm scared. Scared that Ellie will exhibit some sort of the behavior problems I can't handle, like Radar did with the barking. Scared of the negative view of my manager and tenants in my building. Scared I don't have what it takes to teach her what she needs to learn. Scared it will never come together. But I can answer allthose fears. Well to some extent. I can't say she won't develop some unwanted way of behaving, and as nervous as that makes me, its a risk I take when getting a dog. I also believe I've got good skills for handling - or the ability to gain them through reading, the internet, friends, and of course through getting advice from the trainers here. As far as my apartment complex, as long as our actions aren't totally unacceptable, and or I'm working on anything that comesup, then the law is on my side. I have the support of her supervisor and other advocacy organizations. As far as it not coming together ever, I really believe it will eventually. I know it will take time, but I sense a focus and love for her work and willingness to please that seems higher than Radar's was. About teaching her and having the emotional ability to do it….Well, first of all, I just need to get home and have a few days off to relax in my own home. Its funny because we have had so much free time and yet I'm so, so, so tired. That is another thing that just sort of hit last night. I can have down time here, but its not my home. I can't blare my music grin or call my friends for free or chat with all of my friends though I have been able to access some of them through chat. I want my own bed that is not plastic and I want my kitty!! She's getting very relaxed at mom's and probably won't want to come home. Secondly I know I will have difficult days with Ellie. I know that is the reality. I just have to say like I was able to say with Radar "OK that didn't go so well. Next time is better." I also need to keep a log of things done well so I don't overwhelm. Also I need to remember what Heidi said last year - if I'm having a tough day I don't have to work, especially when things are so new. Obviously she can't go for a long time without work, but my really bad depression doesn't usually last for more than a week than a unless I need to change my meds. I will just have to evaluate how I feel and maybe just do simple routes. If it gets to be a lot of time without working, I can do something I know we can both handle, even if its just walking in my building. I made tremendous progress with Radar. I couldn't get him to where I needed him to be, but I did quite a bit of good work with him. If I could get Mr. Radar to give the kind of work I was getting at the end, then I know I can do it with Ellie too. I grew a lot with Radar. I developed my own philosophies - or should I say began to develop them. I learned to importance of patients and consistency. I learned about unconditional love – no matter how mad I got he was always there wagging at me. And that is the one thing I need to learn the most. I am still in the process of learning that it is ok to admit something didn't work and that it doesn't make me a bad person. I found it in myself to get another dog and I will find the strength with God and in myself to go home and make this work, and if for some reason it doesn't, it won't be because I didn't give it my best!
Current Mood: tired hyper headachy
Current Music: Melody typing the TV

JULY 28 The Final Day
That isn't a completely accurate subject because I have to cover the rest of yesterday. Before we read the contracts we had yet another going home lecture before all stuff we'd already covered. Then they read the contracts - equally boring! Just before they bought them around for us to sign Katie said they were going to come around one last time and pet our dogs before we could say we owned them and they had to listen to us. They got the dogs so hyper! Ms. Ellie wags so hard when Katie pays attention to her. She started spinning and then she shocked me by jumping up and putting her front paws on the table! Kate who was near by just laughed and said something up them doing crazy things when they hype them up Several of us got quite emotional while the signings were going on. I managed not to cry until I got to my room. they rest of the afternoon was down time. That night was our final night walk it was on the freedom walk here on campus which they say is a mile in length it sure doesn't feel like it! The nature trail is a quarter mile. Anyway they told us we were heading out a minute apart and that it would be pretty much a solo route though they'd be stationed throughout the route. I freaked! I'd done the route a few times, but hadn't bothered to memorize it because I wasn't told I needed to. Routes don't stick in my brain unless I'm really working on memorizing them. I ended up having a trainer near me although she only gave information when I asked. Ellie was being really, really, really poky! I've never seen her move that slow! She also kept trying to go to the grass. I unharnessed her to see if she had to go she didn't. I heaped on the praise and that helped. But I ended up in the back of the line and Katie was the trainer bringing up the rear so she just stayed near. She walked me off the high points in the walks bringing me too close to the edge. When I stumble off them her next several steps are very, very uncertain. I can feel her going "oh no! I messed up!" So you heap on the encouragement to get her going. She also missed the blended curbs. So, as you can guess I wasn't pleased with this route! Nothing is more frustrating nor does anything create uncertainty in me than holding the harness handle of a timid dog! Katie said I handled it well though. This morning Ellie must've gotten bored waiting for me to wake up because she decided to snack on one of my shoes! Fortunately it’s not ruined because its my comfortable pair or should I say part of my comfortable ones. Today’s route more than made up for last night les than perfect one! We went to a park in Serra Sota, a different one from last time. This park had a wonderful circular path with nice wide sidewalks, and lots of distractions. There were people on bikes, walking by and lots of dogs. Ellie was marvelous ignoring everything, really moving out. It felt amazing. Zooming past everything, relaxing enjoying our mile long route! We got back on the busses and headed for Applebee’s. It is located in a plaza indoor with several other businesses. I told Ellie to forward and she did! Zooming through that large open indoor space which normally totally disorients me moving around things and recovering our straight line, listening to my right right instruction, and stopping right at the bottom of the steps to Applebee’s! I ordered chicken quesadillas which I didn't like so Melody and I basically swapped lunches her nachos were great! Tehn we zoomed back through the plaza ending up right back at the door. It was a day of feeling the happiness so strong I could cry. And the feeling continued. We were told we were having an ice cream social so the admin staff could say good by to us and our dogs. What it really was Southeastern Guide Dogs first graduation ceremony! They read each of our bios out and Bob handed us our diplomas then we were offered a chance to make any remarks. I wanted to say something but was too emotional. Again I managed not to cry. I sat on the floor, hugged my dog and told her for the first time that I loved her. I'm 99 percent packed and very ready to leave! But I am aware that now the really work begins. Katie said today after I told her she'd done an awesome job training Ellie that I have done really well with her. I hope I just keep continuing to become a better handler. Nothing will happen from now till I leave. I will write from home though not daily. Feel free to stay on my list. Soon Ellie will have her journal online and of course I will send you that link. Thank you all so much for your encouragement. The best part of my day has been reading your emails. You've helped me stay focused on why I'm here and continued to remind me of God's faithful guiding of all the details of my life. I wish I'd been able to write you all back and I will write you all at some point when I return home with a personal thanks. Well this is getting disorganized but I was just remembering last year I wrote about my classmates and their dogs so here goes. Mike with guide dog Ned. I really admire Mike. He's partially deaf and has back problems, but I can't say I ever heard him complain. He loved his Ned. I just loved to hear him talk to him because it was always positive. Marty one of my tablemates for meals. Marty had a lot of interesting conversation as she was raised riding a horse and has had multiple guides all from another school. We had a lot of good conversations about the differences between them and this sounded bad but we both did a lot of complaining and I always like she was really hearing whatever I said. My other tablemate Stephanie I will remember most for the way she praised her dog Buck. She used a very high voice and said good boy with a hilarious inflection that always cracked me up. She sounded like the Mr. Bill character from SNL. She had a great sense of humor too. Karin and I didn't talk much so I don't know her really well, but I will remember her excellent handling of Corky who was a hyper very big boy. She was quite sarcastic and laughed a lot. Joe was the oldest member of our class at 85. He had a sense of humor that was often too much in the gutter for my taste. He also got impatient a lot. I stayed away from him, so have no clue how he and his dog interacted. Pat and Charley D hmmmm lets just say I won't keep in touch with Pat. She was the main one I argued with. Sawnya was a mom of 2 in elementary school. She mostly hung with Pat and Karin but seemed nice. Betsy is a stubborn little girl. I guess having had a stubborn dog, I admire people who handle it well and even seem to enjoy it! Jermemy is the student who left early. He was very nice and was calm. Melody (hi Mel) I really enjoyed hanging with you during class. Its been really fun watching you learn and grow as a handler. You've come a long way. I know you will do great things with you sweet gentle golden girl. And Amy my roomy. I believe that our time together here brought us closer. I'm glad you so pleased with your Toby boy. I am constantly praying that God will comfort you in your grief over Thomas. Blessed are those who mourn. Keep in touch. Love Shelly As far as staff, as I said about Katie, I didn't always feel like she was listening or supporting me. She frequently seemed snappy with me and other students Kate and I got along well. She is a good trainer and has lots of good suggestions for handling things. Chuck seems gruff, but is a nice guy and good trainer. I always had to ask him for feedback which sometimes frustrated me. He did eventually stop giving Ellie commands which helped. All that's it I'm really done! LOL love Shelly