Well I suppose I should start this off rather simply; I'm writting this in response to numerous comments [serious and humorous] I've seen and heard about the nature of long distance relationships. No, I don't just mean, 'internet relationships' either. There are plenty of people out there [and you know who you are] that can't even wrap their heads around the idea of two people living large distances apart carrying on a serious relationship.
First I want to make one thing clear...it's really hard, sometimes, to define when a relationship that begins over the internet 'begins.' Personally, in my case, there was a point where we came out and talked about exactly how we felt about eachother, but even then things weren't as solid as when we actually met face-to-face. So, technically a relationship can begin long before it's what one might comparatively a "boyfriend/girlfriend" affair.
"Ok, ok," I hear you asking, "But c'mon...can you really have feelings for someone you haven't met yet?" Well, disbarring the possibility [and it's by no means the certainty that popular rumor would have you believe] that the individual is completely different than the person they've put forth...yes. It's not only entirely possible, but in an age where some people see "internet friends" as little different than "real friends" it becomes more and more likely. I got online when I was twelve years old, and have been meeting and talking to people there the whole time. When I was in highschool I'd talk to friends both from school and from other states when I got home...sometimes going out with the ones around me and sometimes staying in to talk to the ones further away.
People are people, wherever they're from and whatever medium you are talking to them through. Sure many people use the internet as a mask so they can be something they're not while in real life, but I know a few people that have grown with the internet; becoming more bold online and then more in real life, or more introspective in person and then more introspective in online conversations. Truth be told, I think that people reveal more about themselves by how they act online then what they are able to hide.
But that may be just me, and maybe I can only tell the difference because I've had the experience of getting to know many people as both who they claim to be and then as who they really are [usually revealed by how they act more than what they say]. Perverts will, no matter how they say it, always prove themselves to be perverts. You just have to watch for it.
Then of course there is the part that really does worry some people, and yes it is a legitimate worry. I think that 'TechnoMom', who I really don't agree with on many things this included, voiced this worry best:
"Next reason - there's a component of physical attraction that is purely physical, and there's just no way to know if the chemistry will be there no matter how hot the person's picture is or how marvelous your textual interaction might be."
Well this is, like I said, a real point. What if they just have bad B.O.? No, it doesn't change who they are, but someone had better think twice about making it a long-term commitment if when they meet their online heart-throb and they can't stand the smell. So, if I agree with this point then what could I possibly say against it?
Simple: "Deal with it," and no I don't mean the smell. The factor of possibly having to travel to see the person in order for this interaction to occur aside, this kind of awkward situation is no worse than going out with someone you are attracted to and finding out that you can't stand some little part of their personality. Every relationship is a risk that you have to take in order to stay in "the game."
[Side Note: I had originally planned on going over some more of TechnoMom's little essay on this subject to discuss a few of the points, but most of those she discusses are covered in the above statement. Worrying about someone's credit rating as a reason for being against long distance relationships...as if that's the first thing on people's minds in close relationships.]
Ok, so I'm finished focusing solely on the internet aspect of things [and I hope I've done so without too much babbling], and am ready to move on to the long distance in general part. This is where I say "Some people can't handle it, and shouldn't try."
Hold on, let me explain.
If you are a possesive or overly paranoid person [luckily I only have these traits in small doeses], you should not take part in a long distance relationship. I'm not saying it can't ever work out, just that it will drive you nuts and it may just end very badly. The risk, as always, is you and your significant other's to take and not mine.
If you can't go more than a few weeks without sexual relations before you get all stir-crazy, then a long-distance relationship is not for you. I have a friend who I once saw go through a two-month personality shift just because he was growing more and more sexually frustrated...he chilled out after his girlfriend visited, but really I don't think that kind of stress is very healthy. he's someone I would put on the "I wouldn't recommend it" list.
And lastly, if the person you're dating long-distance is constantly talking about having life experiences and growing as a person...well I can't say anything for sure, but again I wouldn't recommend it. Some people can honestly and maturely state that they can't handle being tied down in a real relationship, while others will go on about how they aren't full as a person or something along those lines. In any case, someone that thinks along these lines alot may just come to the above conclusion. Be careful of just how stable this person is emotionally [no, not talking psycopathic, just to make sure that they don't change their minds with the weather].
If you don't fit the above, or you do and you're willing to give it a try anyway, then the rest is really rather basic stuff:
-Make commitments and stick to them. You may not think it means alot if you said you'd do something and then realize that they won't know whether you did it or not...but if you can't keep a simple promise for something small maybe you need to rethink this whole thing.
-If you find yourself starting to doubt the whole thing don't act prematurely ["I think we should call it off."] or try and hide it from them/yourself. Talk about it...maybe it's a passing worry, or maybe it's a real problem, but things will only go badly if you don't take it slow and clear.
-Kind of like the above, it's simply the act of letting the other person know what's going on. Yes this means discussing how you feel about certain factors in the relationship [and example of this being don't try and pretend you don't find others attractive, just make it clear what that means for both of you], but it also means talking with them about what you did during your day. Small reminders that you remember things about their routine, even if you're continents away, can do wonders to help things work.
Blah, I can see that I've ranted long enough...all this in one sitting too.
Anyway, I hope I didn't bore too many of you or say too many obvious things, but rambles like this are what the internet is for I guess.
Well, what it is for me anyway.
Later...