8/14/00

Well, I've been at my dad's for 2 days now and I'm already unhappy.  I'm such a crybaby, but isn't that what journals are for?  Nod your head yes.

I'm really not ready for school to start.  My stomach gurgles whenever I think about it. 

At night, right before I go to sleep, my mind wanders and I come up with strange pictures and stories.  Last night, I thought up "Telegraph  kisses".  I don't know what it means and I don't know where it came from.  I also had a dream where I bleached my hair and River Phoenix was a wanted criminal.  For some reason he wanted to kill the baby he had with courtney love. 

I went to see my friend Misty today, I was with my other friend, Kim, and she was accompanying me while I was doing errands.  Misty works at her parents store "Play it again sports".  In fact, her own family works there.  The exception is a cashier boy, so I figure Misty will have to marry him. 
I feel guilty when I think about Misty, because this sis the first time I've seen her in a month.  Sure I was out of town, but I still would have waited just as long.  Part of me thinks that I only have enough energy to put into one friend, and I'm afraid that spot is always full.

I have had so many messed up friendships, that I think that there's something wrong with me.  because of that, I've become paranoid.  Kim always tells me about people who call her who she wants to distance herself from, and she doesn't return her calls.  I get so freaked out when she doesn't return my calls, even though she tells me I'm one of only two friends that she has.  I don't know.  I wrote it kind of confusing, but some things don't transfer onto paper (or the screen).

So tomorrow, I'm going to Penn. to visit some relatives and do horrible college tours at the same time.  I'm going with my father (ominous piano chords) and my brother (angelic chorus).  My brother is the only reason that I haven't gone completely insane at this house.

I guess that's all for now