So, I'm visiting my mother in San Francisco. I find myself getting lazier and lazier as I try not to leave the apartment. It would cut into my tv time, you know. My mom says that I'm enjoying my vacation and that it's okay, but I always feel guilty when wasting time. Now, if only I could get paid to do this, then I would be set.
I haven't been writing fiction or stories of any sort. Instead, I've been journaling so that I can sort out some things in my mind before I go to college. I've had enough self-reflection, though. Journaling is good for me because I don't have to be creative and I get a final product that needs no revisions.
My mom just got digital cable. I'm quite the tv/movie watcher, so this is heavenly. I have been watching it all the time, so we can get our money's worth.
Tomorrow, my mom and I are going to see a stand-up comic and I'm excited. I LOVE stand-up. I don't really like impressions, though. It will be good for me to get out of the house, particularly at night. I haven't felt more disconnected with the world (which I know every one expects I should start feeling now) but rather my isolation is normal for me.
I feel very conflicted. I feel like all the aspects of my personality, beliefs, and environment are clashing and it's unsettling. I wonder if these feelings will ever stop, or maybe they're just a part of who I am. But do I want to live like this for the rest of my life? I probably have this listed somewhere else on my site (I tend to repeat myself) but here is why I will always have some hope. Life is like opening a series of boxes. They are opening in whatever sort of intervals you want (every day, week, year, whatever) and there's always a chance you'll find something great. Sure, most days you're stuck with something really shitty like a severed head or what have you, but there could be something really satisfying. Or, there's the bus theory where, I'm waiting for good fortune, but it doesn't arrive immediately. So, I wait and wait and you know that the fortune/bus is going to come soon. Pretty soon, your motive for staying is purely the fact that, since you've waited so long, the fortune/bus has to be on its way. So, with enough patience, you will get what you've been waiting for, even if the bus isn't all that it's cracked up to be.
Even I'm bored and these are my own thoughts. I'll spare you all now.