jokeengg

4 Friends
Once 4 friends were traveling through a car. All of them were engineers. One was an electrical engineer, other one was a chemical engineer, third was a mechanical engineer while the 4th was a software engineer from famous company called "Microsoft" (Bill gates wali). Suddenly the car stopped and all of them started starring at each other. Mechanical Engineer said "I think the battery of the car is down. Shall we have a look at it?".
       Electrical Engineer said "No No I think the wiring connection must be wrong somewhere".
       Chemical Engineer said "I think the pipe that takes the petrol must be choked. If fuel flow is not uniform how our car is going to move?".
       Microsoft guy as cool as ever said Coolly "Well well... friends... instead of debating on what has happened I have got a solution that may work. Why don't we close all the windows, open the door, get out of car, get in again, open the windows... and car may just start as it was before."
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Fooling the professor
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.
       The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
       Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.
       As each sat down, they read the first question. "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
       Then, the test continued... "For 95 points, tell me which tyre it was."
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Differences Between You and Your Boss
When you take a long time, you`re slow. When your boss takes a long time, he`s thorough.
When you don t do it, you re lazy. When your boss doesn t do it, he s too busy.
When you make a mistake, you re an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he s only human.
When doing something without being told, you re overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that s initiative.
When you take a stand, you re being bull-headed. When your boss does it, he s being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you re being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he s being original.
When you please your boss, you re ass creeping. When your boss pleases his boss, he s being co-operative.
When you re out of the office, you re wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he s on business.
When you re on a day off sick, you re always sick. When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it s because he s overworked.
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Exam strategy!
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at a university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class.
       The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
       Half an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes, I will," replied the student. He then sat down and began writing.
After 2 hours, the professor called for the exams and the students filed up and handed them in -- all except the late student, who continued writing.
       Half an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "Oh, no you don't! I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
       The student looked incredulous and angry, "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
       "Are you sure you don't know who I am?!" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and briskly walked out of the room.
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Interview
A bank manager was interviewing four very different applicants from his short list for the position of clerical. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The next person was a lawyer.He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Cromwell two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. When the bank manager asked him, "How much is two and two?", the accountant got up from his chair, went over and closed the door.
He came back, sat down, leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
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Grammar
In a grammar class...
Teacher says ' I am beautiful' and asks the student to state what tense the sentence is.
Student: Past tense!!
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English style
Teacher:Arun tell your father's name in English.
Arun:Madam, my father's name is Mr. Butter Red Government.
Teacher: Stupid are you making fun with me?
Arun: No, Madam You told me to tell my father's name in English and my father's name in Hindi is Makkhan Lal Sarkar
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Prospective employees
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.
If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.
If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.
If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
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Funny Excuse
Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
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Logical question
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"