| F. - Fall. I made my way through the forest and touched the rough bark of trees in passing. The wind through the leaves sounded like a nearby ghost highway that nobody has ever found. I stopped in my tracks and looked around in amazement at the beauty around me. Each trunk was different and looked as though they were each trying to tell a story. I wish nature could speak; I wonder at tales it could weave with intricate patterns that have shaped over the years. "Where am I?" "You're in a place where dreams come true..." a voice responded. I looked around trying to find the origin of the voice but was unsuccessful. Not a single blade of grass looked different and more than before, I wished those old trees could tell me their secrets. Suddenly, a girl, no more than a child really, crept out and looked at me. "Follow me," she beckoned and ran through the maze of trees before us. I watched as her hair flowed in the wind. I wanted to reach out and touch it but she was always far ahead of me. Her feet made no noise as they collided with the earth; the only sound audible was my pounding heart as she took me on a chase through the forest. Suddenly I lost sight of her and she was no longer guiding me. Instead, she vanished. My tears fell freely but I did not know their cause. Perhaps it was the unforeseen splendour of being alone in such an instant or perhaps it was because I was alone in a place I had never been. I looked around and realized I was in an open space with a river nearby. The blue of the water had me entranced. The sound of the river itself was like a lullaby sung by a mother as she gently rocks her child to sleep. Out of the corner of my eye, I suddenly saw something move quickly. What I had seen was the little girl's hair flying familiarly in the wind not far from me. On impulse, I followed her again. "If you plan on following me, close your eyes and trust that you'll know where to find me as you run..." she called to me. I listened to her instructions and let my feelings guide me. I felt as though I was flying. Then, unknowingly, I leapt off the edge of a cliff on to which I had just stepped. It seemed as though there was no definite end to this leap. I thought that maybe I could float around forever, feeling at peace. Without warning, I opened my eyes and leaned forward in my bed. I looked around myself, no longer falling, as though expecting to see that little girl at any moment. G. - Game. Sometimes, I just want to be a kid again, when a kite means flying and the sidewalks go square, crack, square, crack and everybody is someone new. H. - Hospital. "Why is she so quiet?" "She's resting" "But will she wake up?" "She is up, she's just resting her eyes; now don't be scared." I walked over to my great grandmother's hospital bed. "Bubby?" she groaned in response as I touched her wrinkled hand. She had tubes coming out of her nose and other ones going into her arms. She looked like a monster that would at any moment reach out and grab my 6-year-old body. I. - Independent. Since those fights with mother, I rely on her for nothing. I cook my own meals, do my own laundry, and wash my own dishes. I am my own person. I will never become her. She is my mother in title only. J. - JOKE. K. - Killed. I fell and hit the ground of the darkened parking lot. The pain roared through my body like a tidal wave in my blood. After opening my eyes I saw Jake, my boyfriend, and Kathy, my best friend, were there and so was my mother but she was in a car on the other end. Mother then proceeded to speed quickly over to where we were. She aimed for Jake and Kathy, and I could not move from the floor to defend them because I was hurt so badly. All I could do was watch as she collided with Jake and Kathy's bodies and I felt them die. My eyes opened and I awoke overcome with tears. It had all felt and looked so real. L. - Lost. Bracelets, photographs, homework, rings, candles, gloves, socks, self-confidence, sanity, feeling. M. - Mistake. "I never wanted you to begin with. We already had one child, why did I need two more? I just wanted one more, a son really, not a stupid worthless daughter like you� You will never become anything� you make me sick� I hate you... you are worthless� a whore, a slut, a tramp� you have no self respect� I want you out of my house� I wish you weren't my daughter� this isn't the way I raised you�" "Okay mother, I'll wash the dishes now if that's what you want." N. - Need. "Kathy, Thank you for always being here for me." "Don't worry about it hunny, I know you'd always do the same for me." "You won't tell my parents though, right? They'd kill me if they knew." "Like I said, it's all okay, I would never tell them unless I thought you were in danger." "Same for me when it comes to you and Steven." O. - Overprotective. After daddy met Jake for the first time, we were riding home in the car in silence. Sadly, daddy did not like Jake and I really wanted to understand why. I knew that no matter what I said his mind would not change. We sat there in further silence as my mind wandered onto other things. I then asked him, "Why does mother hate me so much?" he had no answer for me. Nevertheless, for the first time in a long time he reached over, held my hand, and told me he loved me and that everything would be okay and if not now, then one day. P. - Personalize. "There are no flowers, no not this time, there'll be no angels gracing the lines� just these dark words I find�" Music, it is my life, my passion. |
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