| The Gate of Horn When You Press My Buttons |
| I think that some part of me is ready to leave you
though it seems a chore that would expend me emotionally, and I can�t believe that you don�t have some clue of how I really feel. I�m definitely inclined to being with you and reveling in our times together but there is a certain amount of myself that I am willing to compromise and I feel that I may have crossed that line almost a year ago. You say that you love me and ask me how I am doing but it seems an apathetic social gesture and I dislike forced conversation. I am pretentious in my story-telling and you oblige graciously, and you sympathize for and consol me when I threaten death, but I think the truth is that I scare you on some subconscious level and it�s pulling you from me. Truthfully, I appreciate your tolerance but I wonder if it is beginning to erode my own. I love to see you angry and I love it when you press my buttons, and I love the feeling that I could strangle you at any moment, because I know that we are one in that particular aspect. Why is it that when it hits too close to home I am instantly ready to up and go? Why do I feel like I am backing down for you in my reticence? I have set aside my humour, my labour, and my strife, and sometimes it is as though you have not sacrificed any part of yourself, though I often indulge in the fallacy that states otherwise. I feel compelled to find a like-minded companion (perhaps we both do) And I know that my search must continue. How do I continue living with someone I love so much, but can�t stand the sight of? |