Saturday 27 December 2003

For whatever reason I thought to give an account of all the things I've done since last writing. I suppose in future years I can look back at this and remember the leanest Christmas I've ever had... perhaps to be able to better appreciate what I'll have then.

First, I mentioned considering going to church Wednesday night. I went through the yellow pages to find the nearest Lutheran church... like seemingly everything else I need in Menasha, I found one a block-and-a-half away (west, in the only direction I had never walked from home). In an act that must seem truly pathetic, I walked around to local businesses to check out their ashtrays outside for half-cigarettes. I found six. I then walked past the church to see what time their Christmas Eve service was to be held.

On my return home, I cooked half my ground beef with my last two tomatoes, some sliced celery, and a lot of oregano to make two sloppy joe sandwiches for my supper. I took a shower and shaved, then changed into black trousers, my favorite white shirt (Allyn St. George, so soft and worn through the years I've had it it's practically see-through), and my red Peanuts Christmas tie. I went to Trinity Lutheran Church, and as part of the pre-service music a girl who must have been all of six or seven sang (very sweetly) solo the first verse of Away in a Manger... a grandfather-type sang the second verse, then the two sang duet the third. Listening, I smiled at the thought that had my mom been there she would have cried her eyes out. During the service I heard and sang Christmas hymns, gave the church my last sixty-three cents in the offering, and listened to a sermon entitled, "Worth the Wait," about Advent and the first Christmas, the Second Coming, and of how all things we do that most get us into trouble are chiefly caused by not waiting. Amen to that.

At home after services, I watched my video of A Charlie Brown Christmas. The show is 38 years old and it still gets to me. I snacked on my last piece of cranberry bread I'd made when Mom was up last weekend. When the video was done and rewinding, I flipped through the channels to It's a Wonderful Life just in time to hear Mr. Potter say he was going to swear out a warrant for George Bailey's arrest for malfeasance and misappropriation of funds. I related to that as well. Shit.

I tried falling asleep after Capra, but couldn't. I needed an assist to help me relax. I took that assist in a couple shots of Canadian whiskey (leftover from my dad's visit five weeks ago) poured into some coffee. I played a little on the computer while waiting for the Black Velvet to take effect. I laid back down in bed, but it took another hour before I fell asleep... the last time I remember looking at the clock was 1:18am.

I awoke five hours later on Christmas morning. What was I going to do all day? I watched the sunrise, then spent a restless hour trying to fall back asleep. At 9am I was up for the day. I got some coffee started. (I stretch coffee for myself by making a fresh pot only every other day, adding a little coffee to the used grounds on days between fresh pots. I save a quarter-cup of coffee every two days.) While my coffee was brewing I dressed in blue jeans and a white sweatshirt, then wandered about for half-cigarettes again. I found four... two needed to dry out from being in the snow.

Walking the sidewalks of Menasha, a line from a song I hadn't heard since last Christmas popped into my head:

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