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If the measure of a man truly is the company he keeps, I'm in trouble. I have been craving an affectionate partner to be in a relationship for twenty years. I feel I have a great capacity to love, have great patience (as long as real communication occurs), and am monogomous when affection is returned... though practically no sex for five years or talk of divorce or wanting out of the relationship has made my eyes wander. I believe my history has shown that that need for such a partner has made me cling to the first thing that came around each time. In essence, many times over I have broken Jones Law Number Four: Never lower your standards, and I have paid dearly for it each time the Law was broken... each time more costly than the last. Some trends show up when going through my past relationships. The age difference of women I've been with averages four years younger than me. I seem to be drawn to short women, averaging just under 5'4" tall. About 40% of the women I've been with faced sexual abuse in their childhood. Hair color is about evenly split between blondes and brunettes, with one dyed redhead... the vast majority have had light-colored eyes, green or blue. A few other details pop out to me of a personal nature: One, since 1983, I've been in bed with every woman I've seen by the fourth date. Two, I haven't had a one-night stand since 1981. Three, there has only been one woman I've ever been with in my entire life (Joy) with whom I had an orgasm my first time in bed with her. (I think that stems from a combination of nervousness and generosity toward my partner's needs rather than my own.) If I am to keep my standards and my next partner is to be my last one, she will be closer to my own age, able to speak and write intelligently, and affectionate to the last. She will be fit, able to walk with me hand-in-hand for miles at a stretch as we relax and find peace. She will give and receive equally in every aspect of the relationship. We'll cook and eat our meals together and take joy in such "little things" in life. She will read avidly, and though a hard-worker, will realize that the job is where work stays and that time at home is family time or time for just us. No tv set is allowed in the bedroom... again, there should be no distractions from "us" time. Finally, she will be supportive of my goals and desires, and enjoy the same in return from me. One thing I know for certain: If I ever do have another relationship, that woman is going to love me very much... she'll have to if she's willing to put up with everything with which I'm dealing. |