Tuesday 11 November 2003

Over the last year Debbie and I were together, obviously all was not well. She again starting talking of wanting to get divorced. She thought I was spending too much time online, but on the nights the computer was turned off she paid no attention to me. She had Cathy sleeping in bed between us every night, and I could count the number of kisses I'd get in a week on one hand.

She would come home from work, sit down on the couch, turn on the tv for noise, and crochet afghans as gifts for friends or family... every single night. I did all the cooking and most of the laundry, and when it was time for supper, Cathy and I would eat at the kitchen table, while Debbie asked for her plate to be delivered to her in the living room.

Something needed to be done, so I planned a very romantic evening. I asked a friend of ours to babysit Catherine, then went home to begin. I had a candlelit picnic waiting for her when she came home... her favorite supper and a bottle of wine. She seemed appreciative of that at the very least, but when I tried to press things into an even more romantic situation, rather than opening up to any possibility of making love she asked instead that we go out shopping. We went out to buy her two new outfits for work. On our way out of the mall I let Debbie know that I'd arranged for Cathy to stay overnight, that we had the entire house to ourselves. "No, I'd rather go pick her up and go home." So we did. Again, Cathy slept between us and I knew it was the beginning of the end. At Catherine's fifth birthday party, the house was filled with family and friends, but I sat in sadness knowing then it was the last birthday I'd ever share with her.

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