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It was Friday, the last day of final exams, the first night of Christmas break and I was about to have the entire house to myself for a whole month. That night she came over and we made love. She didn't orgasm through intercourse, but I made up for it digitally after I had. We slept together and had sex in the morning as well, with similar results. She said she had to get going and that she'd call me back later. Saturday night came and went without a call. Sunday went by as well, then finally she stopped by in the evening, saying, "We need to talk." I was unaware at the time that "We need to talk" means "I'm about to break up with you." The talk absolutely floored me. The break-up would have been bad enough. The reasoning behind it? For the past number of years she was a lesbian... but she knew it was against what her church had taught, and her parents were starting to suspect. (No wonder I was treated so nicely in their home!) She thought if she was with a guy she could learn to become straight, but after our night together she realized she wasn't wired that way. So, not only was she breaking up with me, but she was letting me know there was another girl at work to whom she was attracted and was about to pursue. For a guy who had wanted a relationship so badly and thought he had something going, it was an awful lot to swallow. I turned to the classic stand-by for broken hearts... alcohol. I went out drinking nearly every night over Christmas break. I worked New Year's Eve when Deb came in, dressed to the nines, ready to pick up her "date" for that night's party. It was Debbie. Debbie was open-minded because her favorite cousin was gay, but not so open-minded that she wanted that kind of relationship. She wanted to be Deb's friend... nothing more. After New Year's 1985, Debbie, Deb, and I formed a really weird triangle: I wanted Deb, Deb wanted Debbie, and Debbie wanted me. I still went out drinking most every night, but now I had a new drinking buddy... Debbie turned to the bottle as well, not willing to accept that Deb wanted her to be more than a friend. |